#i am ultimately always trying to find an ounce of good in this godforsaken world

[ammorfati]

i find it really jarring how my easy my mind switches from one extreme end of a spectrum to the other end. one second it’d go, ‘God, please end this all, take me, i can’t handle anything anymore,’ yet after a good matcha and an hour of reading under the harsh white lights at my go-to convenience store, weird as it may sound, i started to think that maybe life is worth living after all.

tomorrow i will go back to square one; that i’m certain of. there’s a considerable chance i will wake up with my worst thoughts yet again occupying my mind, end up crying for hours and hours—begging God to please, just take me away—but like clockwork, after enough time has passed (or enough silly little treats has been eaten), i, yet again, would turn out fine.

and maybe the day after that, i will cry for five minutes less.