#i am very pale comparing to my family members despite being southeast asian

[pochqmqri]

I generally identify as Asian when asked to list my ethnicity on forms, as that is the closest group they have for me: “Asian/Pacific Islander.”

However, I don’t really feel like I belong in the group. Most people’s perspective, whether they are non-Asians or even within, generally think of the East Asian countries of China, Korea, and Japan when Asia comes to mind. This is despite Asia being very much a large and vast continent. Occasionally I get mistaken for those aforementioned ethnicities, but my heritage is not from there, as I am specifically Southeast Asian. I don’t feel “Asian” because my voice isn’t as valued or heard when compared to other more prominent faces of the Asian community. I don’t have “Yellow Power” because I’m not “yellow.” I sometimes get a little jealous, but it’s mostly numb to me nowadays. I wasn’t really seen as a “model minority” because I struggled in public school and had no real extracurricular activities to develop. I was sort of a problem child.

Even “Southeast Asian” as a label means little of value to me, because Southeast Asia is comprised of many different ethnic groups. The most common countries that westerners think of when SEAsia comes to mind are Thailand, Malaysia, the Phillipenes, and Vietnam. Once again, I do get mistaken for those ethnicities on a rare basis, but I am not any of them. I am Burmese, and my parents are from Myanmar. Rarely anyone thinks of Myanmar as a country positively, even as a part of SEAsia, so I get left out, again. I can’t really blame them though. Much like East Asians, most people see the generic Southeast Asian as being somewhat pale-to-slightly-brownish in complexion. My skin is not really like that, as I was born with a tanner shade of dark brown, so I don’t look as much like the “ideal Asian.”

When Asians get the rare chance to star in media (at least from a western perspective), I mostly see East Asians on the stage. People who look totally different from myself, despite both of us being called generically “Asian.” Am I supposed to relate with them? I really don’t. The stories of “Brown” Asians tend to be sad and melodramatic, so that people can take pity on us, because we’re not allowed to have fun like the “Crazy Rich Asians.” Compare that with “Slumdog Billionare”, and it’s sort of like a double standard.

Despite actually being from Southeast Asia, I have typically been mistaken for being of South Asian decent; from countries such as India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, and Pakistan. Those countries’ people are generally seen as having a darker complexion when compared to the rest of Asia. I have been the victim of Indian-aimed slurs and jokes in my youth, although I was Burmese. They didn’t see a difference. It’s because they thought I looked South Asian, due to stereotypes of dark skin and scraggly facial hair. My family and even members of my community, who were generally lighter than me, also poked fun at me for it. Although the countries are close, Myanmar is different from India and Bangladesh. I have heard the people of my home country be labeled to “Blacks of Asia” due to their generally dark skin among the Asian continent, but most people in Myanmar’s urban areas are at least brownish-pale. I’m not, and I’m definitely not Black either. I don’t consider myself “South Asian” because that’s not who I am, and it would be wrong to take the label of another ostracized group of people just because that’s who others kept mislabeling me as.

I don’t feel Asian. I don’t feel Southeast or South Asian, and I even don’t feel that Burmese when I compare myself with others. Perhaps I’m putting too much stock in geography, but I’m just tired of not really having a voice or a “place” to belong to, and this is just one of many factors why.

[moved--ramunehana]

watch a video saying that people with veins visible on their faces looked sickly

that's oomf (me) 😭😭😭😭😭