#i can imagine the usual suspects going oh noooo she must be sending these to herseeeeelf 🤪

[funkymeihem-fiction]

Operation: Miracle Prawn - Part 5

(The final chapter in the Miracle Prawn meihem series! Thank you all for reading!)

“Are you sure we have everything?” Mei pushed her glasses back up her nose, brows knitted fretfully as she began clicking rapidly at her tablet once more. “Powders, lotions, meds…What about diapers? What if she gets sick and you run out of diapers? I’ll order more diapers. And formula? Once the stuff in the refrigerator is gone, what if she doesn’t take to the formula? Or maybe she doesn’t like that brand? What if she gets hungry and she won’t eat and I’m not here? She’s not old enough, I’m not supposed to leave her alone yet! Should I cancel? Here, I’ll call Winston. I’m canceling—”

Junkrat shot her an irritable look. “She won’t be alone. Fuck’s sake, darl, you got any confidence in me at all?”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean, I didn’t mean it like that! But it’s just such a long time and she’s just getting over her first cold, and why does it have to be now?” She reached up to where the baby’s tufted blond head lay slumped against her father’s chest, asleep and blissfully ignorant to her mother’s ongoing tempest. “Can’t they find someone else for this stupid summit? I should be here…”

Junkrat had replaced his usual bomb-holding harness with a baby-holding type instead. It was a lot bulkier than what he was used to, more used to the weight of a RIP-Tire on his back than an infant on his chest, and instead of loose wires or jagged metal scraping against his ribs he had to worry about curious little hands or the occasional foot to the gut. Also the prawn tended to explode even more randomly than his old bombs and it usually smelled a lot worse. But for now she was snoring and breathing very gently against his collar bone, where she’d apparently inherited her mother’s ability to sleep through anything short of a nuclear blast, as Junkrat had to pry Mei’s hands off her as gently as he could.

“S’only a week and you’re a bloody guest of honor and whatnot. The suits are gonna be expecting you to talk about the climate-whatevers. Come on now, you’ve been just as cramped as I’ve been for the past few months. You think I can’t handle my girl on my own for a few days? She and I are gonna have a blast!”

“That’s what I’m worried about!” Mei protested again. “No blasts while I’m gone.”

“You’re no fun at all. Your mum’s no fun, is she? Here I was, planning on showing her how to build a bomb-wheelie, throw ourselves a baby kegger, have a few beers, rob a few banks… Oh come on! Don’t give me that look, you’re doing the look again! Listen, you can call every single day or send Nan to check up on things if that’ll calm you down. Everything’s gonna be fine. I keep telling you I can do this. I’m her da, after all. You go take care of things there, and I’ll take care of things here, yeah?”

“Ana will want to check in on Thursday. And I said I’d only call once, halfway through the conference. I promised. Are you sure you’ll be okay, though? I-it’s not that I don’t think you can do it. It’s just…I won’t be here for her. This conference is all the way in America. I’ll be so far away from you both, and I’ve never been away this long. What if something happens, and I can’t…? I can’t lose anyone else…I can’t lose her…She’s got to be okay. You both have to be okay.”

Junkrat’s scowl softened, snatching up her hand and placing it to his jaw. “Lookit me. D’you honestly think I’d let anything happen to my own prawn? This one, snoring away right here without a care in the world? You’ll be back before you know it and she’ll be none the wiser. And blimey, it’s not like I don’t have the whole damn population of Overwatch on the other side of the door. Nan’s going to be buzzing around, Angelface is back in two days, and Roadie’s…” His expression went dark again. “Well, guess we’re not counting Roadie anymore.”

Her palm cradled his cheek, soft and cool as he leaned down into it. “I know it bothers you,” she said. “But you just have to give him time. I keep saying he must have his own reasons? We can’t press him.”

“You know the only time he saw her? You know the only damn time he’s bothered to show up, is when you were popping her out. And after that he fucked right off! Surprised he’s still even around at all. Just goes to show, doesn’t it? I try to employ the man, give him a better life and new opportunities and whatnot, and this is how he repays me! S’only through the kindness of my tender heart that I haven’t fired him already! It’s pink slips all the way down, that’s what it should be!”

Mei sighed, eyes rolling upward briefly. “Okay, now we are both acting a little irrational. Just, please be careful while I’m gone, okay? Call anyone if you need to, even if you don’t think you need to. If you need help, it’s okay to need help.” Her tablet beeped and she tapped it again, tucking it away and patting herself down. “Oh no, my flight’s here! That’s so soon! Just…be good, both of you. Promise?”

“Yeah, promise and all. C’mere.” He turned awkwardly to the side, opening one arm and leaning down to plant his lips to hers…and then needing to practically pry her off the baby again, when Mei’s kisses were making her make little noises and threatening to wake her up. “We’re both gonna be fine, you’ll see! You go do the thing, and these days are gonna fly right by. We’ll see you in a week.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mei!”

“N-no, no, I’m sorry! Sorry. I’ll see you in a week. Take care of things while I’m gone. Bye bye, zài jiàn!” She hefted her suitcases and hurried off down the ramp towards the base’s docking area. She paused at the bottom, offering a wave. For a moment Junkrat was afraid that she was going to turn around and try to come back again for the third time, but after a dangerously long moment of hesitation she finally grabbed her luggage and bustled out of sight.

Junkrat exhaled after making sure she was actually gone this time, twisting his neck to look down at the slumbering package still strapped onto him. “Bloody hell, you’d think it was a year away. Guess she’s just fretful over you still, d’you think? Well we’re going to show her that everything’s all shine, just the two of us. We can handle it, ay?” He tweaked at her bootied foot and felt it flop limply. “Huh. Unless you’re just asleep for the whole thing, I guess. Come on, let’s get you down in bed proper. And then just think, a whole week with your da! Aren’t you the luckiest prawn in the world!”

***

The prawn had taken her nap like a champion, not waking up no matter how hard he hammered and banged in the next room, disassembling a broken cleaner bot that he’d found in the garbage. Even if Overwatch offered him new parts and all the latest up-to-date technology, he still felt at his best when he was elbows-deep in oil and scrap. And afterward he’d even remembered to wash his hands just how Mei wanted. Or at least enough that it wouldn’t leave black fingerprints on the little animal blankies, which was good enough.

But eventually she’d had her fill of naptime and decided to announce her awakening with a racket as usual. No doubt she was hungry, since her main states thus far had been sleeping, shitting, or eating. Junkrat was a good and responsible father who followed the instructions he’d been taught repeatedly, heating up the milk to just the correct temperature and holding her just how she liked before nudging the bottle’s nipple at her squawling mouth.

Usually she was a ravenous little thing with an appetite to match his errant bodyguard, always eager for tits just like he was. But on their very first damn night alone, of course she decided to be a real wombat about the whole thing. No matter how he tried, she refused to take it. It wasn’t the first time she’d gotten fussy about dinnertime, but her mum had always been around to provide her with the source she preferred. But Mei wasn’t here this time. And no matter how he tried to explain it to her, she just wasn’t getting the picture.

He tried again, easing it at her mouth and cursing aloud when she turned away. “Noooo no no, c’mon now. Your mum’s off doing big science-type things. Now I might not have precisely the tits you like, but this is gonna have to do. Now just oooopen up and— Fuck! I mean, not fuck! Not fuck!” He grabbed a nearby rag and wiped at her face as milk slid down her cheek, which only made her cry more. “Okay, you’re making this harder than it’s gotta be. Work with me here.”

Eventually she did work with him, seemingly deciding at complete random to turn her head and latch onto the bottle like nothing had been wrong at all. What the hell? Normally he enjoyed the work of a fellow agent of chaos, but not when those chaotic whims were aimed at him. It had taken over a half hour just for one feeding, with her fussing and wailing the whole time. But he calmed his jittering and held her steady while she eagerly drained the bottle. Finally.

At least she belched easily enough, when he held her on his bony shoulder and patted the air out of her. She smiled when he pulled her back down, and he liked to imagine that it was a real smile aimed at him, even though he knew better and that she mostly smiled when she was farting, which was…yep, that was exactly what she was doing. He sniffed, then coughed and held her out at arms’ length. “Aawugh! Right outta both ends on that one! That’s definitely from your mum’s side. Now secret between you and me, lovey, your mum’s got some rank ones, real bonzers. Think it’s from all the vegetarian slop she insists on eating. That adorable sweetie pie exterior she’s got, it’s all just cloak and dagger to hide it when she rips gas, so you don’t suspect the source. I’m onto her, though, you’ll see.”

“Nnhg!” the prawn protested, starting to fuss again before he popped a rubber dummy into her mouth. She calmed somewhat, so focused on the pacifier that she didn’t seem to notice that she was socking herself in the cheek. Attagirl. He waved away the smell and carried her off back towards her chair, strapping her in and adjusting her blanket so she’d be comfy while she sucked the dummy and watched the proceedings.

“Your mum also seems to think I can’t do this. Imagine,” he said, diving back into the guts of the cleaner bot with both hands. “I know I ain’t—  I know I can’t always remember things exactly. But still! Bit shit, really, thinking I can’t look after you. You’re just as much mine as hers! Half junker, after all. Of course I can handle you.”

She punched herself in the face again and crossed her eyes.

“Exactly! Memorized everything, wrote it all down, put reminders up, even agreed to let Nan come check in halfway through. It’s all a bit thick for my liking, but what else can I do? Can’t get mad at Mei for it. Just worries for ya, all the time. Worries for me too. Says she can’t lose us no matter what. I dunno, makes my ribs hurt when she says it.” He reached in and tore out a connecting rod, beginning the delicate process of dismantling its smaller bits. “D’you think that’s weird, how something can physically ache like that? Is that what heartbreak feels like? Or is it maybe just the nerve pains again?”

She snuffled and made a wet noise that sounded almost Hog-like.

“Good point. Guess we just gotta prove we can both do this no problem, ay? I’m not gonna forget anything and you’re probably just going to sleep for most of the week anyway. You just gotta eat, shit, and maybe grow a few kilos. Maybe take it easy on the shitting part, though? Not to offend, love, but between the gas and the nappies, you’re basically a biological weapon in a onesie. But no worries! Me and you, right? Who’s gonna be my good girl while mum’s away!”

She coughed and the dummy clattered onto the ground with the sound of hollow plastic. Without even looking, he paused where he was screwing the panels apart on the cleaner bot to sweep it up, wiping it down before he distractedly replaced it in her tiny mouth. He went to sort through the big screws again, when he suddenly sat up very straight and his yellow eyes widened.

“Wait, I—”

“Mmmmnn!” The prawn uttered a whimper behind him, and something was wrong.

Rat whirled around from where he had started to prod the rubber dummy at the opening of the bot’s panels, still holding it in his hand. A large metal bolt screw was resting on his little girl’s bib, where it had just rolled down her chin. He’d been holding the wrong fucking thing. He’d just stuffed a fucking bolt screw into his daughter’s mouth. Thank fuck she’d had more sense than him and had spat it back out.

“SHIT! Fuckshitno! No no no no!” He threw everything aside, metal clattering in all directions, snatching up and hurling the offending screw across the room like a grenade. The prawn’s eyes widened at the noise and she promptly started wailing again, a smear of black on her smiling yellow duckie bib. He wiped at it desperately, fumbling to unstrap her from her chair as he ran her to the kitchen sink, scooping up water to try and clean her chin. “No no no! It’s fine! I got you, you’re fine, it’s all fine!”

She began screaming harder at the sensation of icy water, and his metal hand all but tore the handles of the sink off as he tried to warm it, trying to stick his flesh hand under the faucet since it was the only one able to feel temperature, but then the water went from too cold to too damn boiling hot for prawns. He yanked her back away from the sink, holding her up to the light and inspecting her open mouth for grease while she wailed right into his face.

Small emergency, but she looked clean. And at least she hadn’t swallowed the fucking thing… Mei would’ve had his head on a goddamn platter, and that was only if he didn’t do it himself for hurting his own little girl. That had been too fucking close. But hardly unusual for someone like him, a colossal fuck-up of a junker who should never have had a kid in the first place. No wonder Mei didn’t believe in him being able to—

He shook his head clear, nerves rattled even as he tried to paste his grin back on. Pulling her up against his chest, he rocked and patted her and crooned her little nonsense songs, her cries going muffled as she scowled and flailed a tiny little clenched fist at him. What a scrapper. He probably deserved those tiny punches.

“Shhh shhh shhh, was just one little mistake! Everyone makes mistakes! It was just…one teeny one, right? And you’re a canny one, you knew better. Smarter than your da, aren’t you?” He patted at her fluffy yellow head, trying to rock her. “We’re not gonna tell Mei about this. I’ll be more careful, swear it. Just gotta get me head on straight, sort through me thoughts. Won’t happen again. Come on, there’s a good girl, she’ll be apples, ssshh shhh!”

She seemed less than convinced, and the rocking only seemed to upset her more. Her sobbing continued, only getting louder in pitch and ferocity. Somewhere in the other room, a timer chimed and began playing a happy tune, indicating it was time to try and feed her yet again. He limped for the fridge, and the prawn stopped crying and abruptly smiled up at him. It was an evil smile, just like his but without any teeth. An extremely foul smell began to emanate from her diaper, even worse than before. This time it smelled…solid.

With that business done, she promptly started crying again.

Junkrat started to have his doubts.

***

Roadhog sat slumped in the depths of his sofa, surrounded by cushions and pachimari toys scattered around him. Licking one broad thumb, he separated the paper pages of his book. It was going a little dog-eared, but that’s how he preferred them. Mei had tried giving him one of the computer books, which she said could hold thousands upon thousands of books at one time, or even read them to him if he liked. But he had always declined. He was usually forced to listen to Junkrat talk for hours at a time and found the silence an escape. And he liked old books— real books. He liked the smell and the feel of the paper. He liked the tactile nature of them and their visual presence. And he especially liked their covers: usually with swooning figures falling all over each other, set in exotic places.

This cover was a good one, too. There was a model-looking woman with curly brown hair and dressed in a brocade dress of some old more-romantic time period, her hands raised to her face in mock-alarm at the appearance of her lover in the window of her castle, his face cast into shadow. Judging by the blurb, Roadhog had already surmised that the secret lover was probably a vampire or some such. Vikings, bodices, and time travel were possibly involved too, he wasn’t sure yet.

He’d been doing a lot of reading, lately. With Junkrat now indisposed with Mei and their girl, most of Overwatch had seemed to forget his presence. There had been an occasional mission where he’d been tasked with extra muscle, but he was still ‘the bodyguard’ in their minds. Only now he had no body to guard. Junkrat was technically safe, or at least as safe as someone like him could get. Mei was safe. And their little girl… Everybody was safe. Without him, even safer.

He stayed away from family affairs. They weren’t meant for him. Simple as.

It was getting late in the afternoon, sunlight streaming in through the high window of his garage. It fell across him and warmed his old bones, bathing him in yellow light that was nothing at all like the scorching UV rays of the Outback, but just a pleasant glow for him to read his romance novels to. The dehumidifier rumbled and churned in its comforting mechanical way, drying the air to how he preferred it. The smell of drier sheets still emanated from the basket of fresh laundry that the cleaning crew had left that morning. Everything was pleasant…almost too pleasant.

The distant and muffled wail of a child cut through his drowsy contentment like a hot knife through skin and fat. The sound of a baby’s cry soon drowned out everything else in his mind, hardwired into primal instinct like nothing else. It agitated him on a level he could not describe, and it was getting closer. Closer and closer, and louder and louder, until it was right outside his abode.

Fuck. No.

He pulled on the comforting confines of his swine mask, inhaling a rasping breath of calming hogdrogen from one of the canisters nearby, and he listened in silence. The crying stopped its journey in front of his door and set up shop on the stoop, and he heard a faint rustle and curse before a series of rapidfire poundings rattled the door like gunfire. It was high up, metal against metal, and without any rythym or pattern. That was Junkrat then. That was Junkrat and his baby girl, trying to hail him. The baby, especially, was trying to hail him, with the racket she was putting up that could even drown out her own father. They were here and they bayed for blood and answers outside his door.

“Hog! Haaaaawg! I know you’re in there, Pigface!”

Roadhog remained silent and still and did not respond, waiting for them to leave again.

The pounding and crying continued. “Hog! Roadhog! Get out here! Fine, if that’s how it’s gonna be, we’re… No, no, I’m not yelling at you. Da’s just going to take care of a few things here.” The junker’s shrill voice went low again, or at least as low as Junkrat was capable.

Roadhog waited, even though he knew it was fruitless. And sure enough, there was soon a bang and a puff of smoke from his door’s control panels, as it blew the module from the mechanical interior. It slid open a moment later, and an extremely irate-looking Rat was squatting a distance away from the explosion, holding both hands over the ears of the little girl squirming in the carrier strapped to his front.

He straightened, and even at a glance at a distance, Hog could tell that he was more out of sorts than usual. He was twitching maniacally, his grin was of the stressed gritted sort, his eyes were rimmed in red veins and dark shadows, and every movement was weighted down with the poisonous mixture of exhaustion and caffeine that was uniquely his own. He threw himself forward, hauling a duffel bag along with him that was overflowing with diapers, rags, and bottles instead of bombs and mines. With a snarl, he came limping into the garage home, looking so indignant that it made even Hog almost forget that Rat was the one doing the trespassing.

“Not even gonna answer the bloody door for me!” he said. “As if I couldn’t knock it down in ten secs flat! Would’ve saved me a lot of bother, and now you’ve gone and upset the prawn even more! No no no, da’s not mad at you, darl. Shhh shh shh. Shhh! F-fuck’s sake!”

Roadhog grumbled and set his book down. The peace of the afternoon was now shattered with a baby crying and her father yelling. The smell of soot, ash, and baby powder was noticeable through his filtered mask, replacing the new laundry smell. Even his sunbeam retreated as a cloud passed overhead and blotted out the light, as if to shield itself from the scene down below.

“Hmmn.”

“Don’t you ‘Hrmmm’ at me, mate! Some standover man you’ve turned out to be! Went and scarpered first chance you got, that’s what you did. What’s all that? Left me and Mei and the tot to our lonesomes, barely surviving!”

The little girl hiccuped and waved her limbs weakly from her carrier, still crying.

Hog eyed them both. “Hmm.”

“It’s shit, that’s what it is! That’s what you are! 50% of my hard-earned living expenses, going for what? You’re s’posed to help me! What is it you want, mate?! Is it money? How much do I gotta pay? How much do you want? Uh, pay by the hourly? How much is that? How about your packimacki toy things! What if I got you some of those! Credits? Omnic botcoin investment? What is it you want to be mates again?!”

“Hnnh…It’s not—”

“It’s not enough?! You think now’s the time to drive a hard bargain?!” Rat dropped the bulging diaper bag onto Hog’s coffee table, on top of the papers and books and everything else, leaning down to rifle through it. Toys and pacifiers and a stray bottle came spilling out, rolling across the cement floors. “Here, help me find the thing. I’ll get you a payment right now.”

“…Hrrngh. No. Listen—”

“Just one hour! Just…just one fucking hour!” Rat pulled out one of Mei’s tablets, and Hog saw how his hands were shaking and how much trouble he seemed to be having just navigating through the intro panels, pausing only to swipe a gloved hand across his baby girl’s face when she drooled onto the display.

Hog watched him try at it for a few moments before he finally rumbled his question. “Rat.”

“Yeah?!”

“When did you sleep last.”

“Huh?”

“Sleep.”

“Uh. How long’s Mei been gone? What day is it? Uh…three? Yeah, probably about three days ago.”

“Hmm.”

Rat turned on him, nearly frothing with rage again. “Which is fine! Who really needs sleep, when I’ve got to keep things going so great with my girl! Don’t give me those disapproving piggy eyes behind that mask, I’m wise to you! Three days is fine! …Or has it been four? What’s today? Shit, is this when Nan’s checking in?!” He spun in a lost circle. “You got to tell Nan I got this under control. I…I might’ve made a few mistakes here and there, with the prawn. But look at her, Hog! She’s still in one piece! The miracle prawn that you don’t give one toss about! But she’s doing great and she’s right here if you just look at her! See? SEE?!”

“…Yeah.”

“Just give me one hour, that’s all. If you’re still my mate at all, you gotta help me with this. Help me bathe her and whatnot, get that bow onto her head, you know, all picture-worthy to send to Mei. Then I gotta clean things up in the room. Had a little incident with the blender. So I took apart the pump for Mei’s tits, using the parts but only temporarily. Cut my fingers up pretty bad, but cleaned it all up and bandaged it good. Then the prawn sort of exploded on the changin’ table, got to bleach that. Not the clothes bleach, but the one in the white bottle: one’s for clothes and one’s for shit, one’s going to burn her if I wash the onesies in it and gets on her skin, and what if I hurt her?! What if I keep fucking it up and she gets hurt?! Does she look thin to you? I can barely get her to eat like she’s supposed to, just refuses it outright. Takes ages just for me to get her to eat even a little. What if we put on the fluffy outfit to hide how thin she’s getting? Here, help me get her squared away before Nan calls in her report—”

“Rat. Tell Ana you need help—”

“Fuck! No! Are you out of your gourd?! She’ll tell Mei, she’ll tell Mei everything that I’ve done wrong, that I’m a shit dad who never should have been a dad. And Mei can’t think that, not after everything!” He paced from one end of the room to the other, peg leg clacking, offering another rubber dummy to his still-wailing baby and helplessly tossing it aside when she refused it yet again. “D’you know how long I spent convincing Mei that I could do this? That she could leave me with the prawn without me fucking it up? She…She’s got to know I can do this. She’s got to at least think I can do this. E-even if I can’t…do this…” He slumped down onto the overstuffed armchair, lanky body practically melting under the ever-growing weight still strapped onto his front, latching both hands over his bloodshot eyes. “Hog…What if I can’t do this?”

Roadhog was silent for a very long time, breath rasping through his filters, audible over the hiccuping and burbling of his impromptu guests. Behind the mask’s lenses, his eyes swerved downward to the little bundle in her carrier. He’d seen glimpses of it from far away, usually attached to Mei, but even when she caught his gaze, she never approached him with it. Even if he hadn’t told her all of it, he had a feeling that Mei knew why he hadn’t visited them. Not visited her…

This was the first time he’d seen her up close since the day of her birth. She’d been fresh as a newly-laid egg when he’d seen her, barely cleaned and still green around the gills when Junkrat had shown her off from behind the glass. She’d grown a little since then, the ‘prawn’, and was no longer the shrunken and misshapen thing from before. She had more wisps of yellow, hair, soft and thin as goose down, and eyes to match her father’s. But the cheeks and nose and the stern frown was definitely Mei’s, especially when she finally noticed the big blob that was his presence and she hiccuped and stared up at him in a very accusatory way.

“Bbbwaaaa,” she said.

She didn’t look anything like the one he’d known. That one had been larger, darker-eyed, and with dark hair that had grown in thick right away. That one had been more quiet and more solemn, with a strangely thoughtful gaze for something so small and so new. That one would have had deep thoughts as she observed the world around her, would probably have chronicled it all with the crayons and paper he’d put aside for her for her one day. That one would have sung the song about bumblebees together with him, had already started to try gurgling along with his crooning. That one had only just learned to smile, really smile at his face, and reach for him, and those dark eyes always lit up in recognition with a spark that burned brighter than the white light on the horizon that had scorched her to ashes.

This one was flailing her legs like a kickboxer, snotting and drooling onto her bib, and still trying to focus on the big masked blur that took up her entire vision. He saw the way she squinted, trying to control her eyes and the lids that covered them without knowing how or why. And though she likely couldn’t even see exactly who he was or the danger he presented, she reached out one tiny little hand and flailed blindly in his direction.

“Aaanngh,” she said.

Hog didn’t respond to the gesture, making himself look away as he grunted and leaned down to pick up a rattling toy that had rolled against his boot. Placing it back on the table, he finally went to set aside his novel, placing his bookmark between the pages. “Hm. Can just call Ana. She’ll sort you out. She knows about—”

Junkrat suddenly uttered a snore from where he had collapsed in the armchair, his hands still over his face in exhausted despair. Hog grumbled aloud, eyes rolling skyward behind his lenses. It wasn’t the first time that Rat’s poor sleeping habits had led to narcoleptic tendencies, but this time he couldn’t truly be irritated at him. This wasn’t from too many nights of shitty coffee and crumpled plans, but from desperately trying to attend an apparently-capricious infant on his very first foray being left alone.

It had been many decades ago, but Hog could still remember how fucking terrifying that had been, to be left alone with something so precious but so fucking fragile. There had been no sleep to be had then, either, when the baby had gotten sick while her mother was so far away, and he’d been Mako. Every cough or whimper she made had been like ice in his veins, barely able to grab an hour or two of sleep in as many days. He could remember being so tired that he’d fallen asleep rocking her, with the formula heating up on the stove, and had later awoken to the smell of burning milk in the kitchen and her coughing vomit into his lap.

Rat’s exhaustion was from a different source, but Hog knew what it could do to a man. Could drive someone crazy, or at least crazier than normal. Could you make you desperate to try so hard that you only made it even more difficult than before. Could have you run on fumes until you finally could fall apart and break down in the presence of someone you thought you could trust..even though he’d abandoned you weeks ago…

The little yellow-haired girl, the prawn, remained blissfully unaware of the turmoil. Her father had literally collapsed with her still attached to his chest, but that was hardly something she seemed worried about now. She’d become so distracted by the big blurry Hog sitting a few feet away that she’d forgotten to keep crying, and she reached for him again. He watched her. She was trying so hard to control those unwieldy little things that were her own limbs, impossibly small fingers curling and uncurling, trying to grasp and not understanding why nothing was there.

Hog remained very still, still watching her. Her arm lengthened, pushed out as far as she could get it from the confines of her carry-bag. Her cheerful little cartoon-printed onesie had been washed recently, still had little specks of lint and fuzz attached to the elastic around her wrist. She seemed baffled by the very concept of her own hand, her yellow eyes suddenly going into focus as she flexed her brittle little digits again, watching them move because she had wanted them to move. Undeterred by her lack of coordination, she reached out to try and touch the world around her.

The big blurry thing shifted in the far distance and rose upward, and Roadhog very slowly loomed closer. The lenses of his swine mask remained cold and blank, until they were caught in the sunbeam that dared to peek from behind the cloud cover, glowing white and yellow. His ‘face’, the one he had adopted in the wake of the apocalypse, was lit with terrifying clarity. An enormous hand, adorned with metal spikes and scars and chipped black nails, a hand that had crushed skulls and spattered blood and wrung the life out of so many, lifted up in front of her. One by one, his fingers curled, until there was only one thick and crooked index, held forth in front of her.

She smiled, and her tiny hand found his offered finger and closed upon it, gripping onto him.

It destroyed him more than the nuclear apocalypse ever had. Instead of scorching fire and bleached rock and bone, it was soft flesh and gentle warmth and potential, and everything else that had ever been stolen from out of the godforsaken desert he’d loved. It was all the ashes that had once poured out of the little blanket he’d tried to hold in his arms, when he’d found her in the wreckage and ruin of their home. Far greater than the treasure that Junkrat had dug out of the wastes all those fateful years ago, it was everything he’d tried to forget, and the one thing in existence that he’d truly fled from… And here she was, again. Even if it wasn’t her…

Mako sighed, lowering his head briefly and breathing deep.

He reached his other hand to awkwardly undo the straps that attached her to Rat’s chest. The ripping of velcro barely roused him at all, but when Hog started to lift the weight of the baby off of him, he launched out one skinny arm that immediately grappled onto his former partner-in-crime’s vest, the other covetously grasping his little girl back to him. Red-rimmed eyes shot open, teeth bared, and Rat was immediately in Hog’s face and ready to fight to the death.

“I’LL CRACK YA! YA WOT, MATE? YA WOT?!”

The girl started crying again.

Hog grumbled at the ruckus, but relented his grip and slowly lifted both hands in an extremely rare gesture of peace. “Rat. Wake up.”

There was a pause as Rat blinked strangely, his eyes not quite in sync. He wasn’t even truly awake, his reaction born of years of rough living and parental paranoia. Shuddering, the aggression evaporated from his stance, furrowed brows easing. He looked around them blearily, then placed a hand on the baby’s fluffy head and eased back into the chair again as he realized where he was. “Oh, s’just you. Were we doin’ something? Uh, what’s the time, I got to feed—”

Hog upnodded to the protesting prawn. “I’ll take her.”

“You?” Rat sneered in indignant disbelief. “You don’t know anything about sprog-rearin’. Dunno why I even came here. Didn’t know where else to go. There was nowhere else to go. I couldn’t… S’just…”

“I know a little. Give her here.”

Junkrat seemed understandably torn, eying his erstwhile partner with a look that Hog knew well, and knew better than to protest. Down beneath all the exhaustion and madness and radiation, all the scattered pieces of calculating genius scraped together in ways that nobody truly understood— least of all Rat himself. The cogs of his mind were clearly grinding, weighing pros and cons and sorting through delusions and realities. There was too much at stake to make the decision lightly.

Hog couldn’t be sure what led him to finally relent, as metal fingers loosened around the velcro straps of the carrier and his grasp uncoiled from around his precious onesie-wrapped bundle. The way he was looking at Hog was still very far from kind, but still he opened his arms and allowed her to be taken from him. Moving cautiously and slowly, Hog lifted the little girl off her father’s chest and deposited her into the crook of his elbow, folding one massive hand over top of her.

“You got her?” Rat fretted.

“I got her.”

“Hrnnghh! Well…! Huh. Actually handlin’ her all right, I guess. Surprised you’d know anything at all about handling babies.”

“…Used to know someone. He had a little girl.”

“Oh yeh? Is it anyone I know?”

“Not really.”

“You should give ‘em a ring, make introductions. Give my lil’ prawn a new playmate and whatnot! Gal pals!”

“Hm. Don’t think so. Not around anymore…And he wasn’t any good for her in the end.”

“Oh. Well then fuck him, I s’pose.”

“…Yeah.”

“Shame, I guess, about the girl. Probably she and my prawn might’ve been best mates!”

Hog looked down to where the baby was gurgling and mouthing at his knuckle. “Yeah. Think they woulda gotten along.”

Rat watched him like a hawk, not looking down even when he leaned to start undoing the wraps and clamps of his prosthetic limbs. There was a faint buzz as the old nerve receptors powered down and went dead, and Rat gingerly went to ease limbs off the stumps of his leg and arm. They looked red and chafed and raw, a far-too-familiar sight from where he’d worn them for too long without a break. He rubbed at what was left of his forearm, brows lowering.

“Going to explain why you bailed on me and mine, then? It’s been yonks since I spied hair or hair of ya. Mei kept on saying you’d come around in your own damn time…but you didn’t. And she kept saying to wait, I just gotta wait. And I thought maybe Mei was right because Mei’s fair dinkum and she’s right a lot, so I waited…and still you never showed. You never fucking did. And at first I was right cross about it all, but then…I started wondering why.”

Hog glanced up at him but said nothing.

Rat’s eerie gaze remained fixated, pupils narrowed to little pricks of black on yellow. “We’ve bashed around for years, mate— years! And we’ve seen some shit together. How many people have I seen you kill? I watched you face down two of the top brass from Junkertown on your land when they came for me, and you didn’t even flinch. Never seen you scared of anything. So I thought it was something I’d done. But wasn’t that either, was it? Fockin’ hell, how many bullets have I had to pluck from the meat of your arse or run to get them gas cans when you couldn’t breathe? And you changed my sheets and even cleaned out the thunderbucket from that time I got dead-real sick in that shack outside of Dooniwop. Not too many blokes would do that. Probably lots of other times I’ve forgotten, too. We’ve been true blue up until now.”

“…Hmm.”

“So what makes someone like you…” He lifted his remaining hand to point at Hog. “Scared of someone like her?” It tilted down to the little bundle in the cartoon onesie.

Hog looked back down to the girl, still quiet. For a long time he simply didn’t answer, unwilling or unable to put it into the right words. He lifted one meaty shoulder in a rather helpless shrug that did not at all suit someone like the one-man apocalypse. “Hmmmh…”

“It’s not me or Mei, is it? It’s my prawn. You’ve been running scared of my prawn for over two months now, and it’s not because of the crying or the nappies or the spitting up or the baby things. It’s somethin’ else about her…It’s somethin’ that’s happened before her…”

Junkrat eyed him again, in the same way as before. Whatever might have been going on in that strange head of his, this time he wasn’t telling. And when the prawn started fussing and whimpering again from Hog’s arm, there wasn’t time to confront the matter further. At least, not for now.

There was simply no time. Rat was already stressed back into action, sliding onto the floor and rummaging through the diaper bag until he came up with a smaller pack, digging a bottle out of it. “Put a pin in that for now, Roadie, we’re in the shit. Still got to get her ready before Nan suspects anything or tells Mei I can’t do this. Fuck, she’s cryin’ again, they can’t hear her cryin’…”

“Give it here. I’ll heat it up.” Hog was glad to be distracted from the conversation and held out his free hand, the bottle plonked into his palm.

“Right, right, right. Okay. Go heat that up, I’ll feed her. Not too hot! Then I’ll get her in a bath, wash her arse, put her up in one of those fancy baby dresses Mei likes. Pose her for some slick photography with her favorite roo stuffie, ya know, for proof of life…” He dug his arm about in the bag, growing more and more frantic. “Wait, where’s her roo? Where the hell is the roo! Mei’s gonna see her without the roo and she’ll know I’ve forgotten it and then she’ll start questioning all the other things I forgot and then she’ll think I’ve somehow faked the pictures, like I got a fake baby that I may or may not have made out of some of her extra clothes and some pillowcases just in case anything happened, not that I’m saying anything happened—!”

“Rat.”

“What!”

“Sit down. Gonna go heat this up. I’ll be back.”

“Will ya be back this time?!”

“Yeah.”

“…Will ya?”

“Yeah. I will.”

Rat made a strange noise, pulling the diaper bag into his lap and continuing his search as he collapsed back onto the sofa. Roadhog sighed and trundled off into the kitchen, filling a pot with water and setting it to warm. He’d done it a thousand times, too many years ago, but still remembered the order. He tested the water, dropped in the bottle, and rocked the little girl that was now bicycle-kicking her legs against his chest and not-quite-laughing.

Hog snorted down at her. “Guess we know which side you got that from,” he said, heading back into the den. “Your girl’s going to be a terror one day—”

Junkrat was asleep again, both arms locked around the bag, his face smushed into a pile of baby clothes and the zipper already pressing indents into his cheek, the missing toy kangaroo wedged into the sofa down by his remaining leg. Roadhog stared down at him for a moment, then placed the kangaroo by his pillow and meandered off again, shutting the door behind him. He waited for the milk to heat, watching the timer and only becoming distracted when he noticed a very small hand reaching up for him again.

The prawn was focused on his face, or what had become his face. Adjusting her up along his arm, he allowed chubby little fingers to clumsily grasp at the rim of the mask’s filter, though he felt nothing from their touch. He rasped in a breath, which seemed to startle her for the first time, and he saw how her eyes widened and she looked suddenly offended.

“Don’t think much of that?” he asked.

“Mmmmnn!” she said, still flailing.

He reached up and very gently took hold of her hand, lowering it away. “Hmm. Guess not. Don’t think she would’ve liked it much either. Didn’t like loud noises. Got scared easier than you do…”

He leaned his head down, undoing the buckles and straps that held the mask onto his head. Its filters hissed as it depressurized and the burn of real air returned with the smell of milk and talcum powder, the scratches and fogged glass of the lenses giving way to almost-clearer vision, looking down at her. Again her eyes tried to focus as she peered back, squinting and furrowing, unfamiliar with the leathery swine-monster above her becoming someone entirely different.

When she reached for him again, he didn’t stop her. Unwieldy little fingers touched the white bristles around his chin, the deep scars and the burns, and the chapped flesh of what was left of his lower lip. This one was still so young, even younger than she had been. He could still remember every moment of it; when she had first learned how to work her hands, how to look between faces, how to smile and laugh, and how to bring her hands together and squeal happily when she heard him singing her favorite songs…like the one about the baby bumblebees…

The timer chimed and he reached to take the milk bottle from the water, wiping it off and testing it on his wrist before transferring her back down into the crook of his elbow. Rat had said that she was being fussy lately, somewhere during his ranting, and Hog wasn’t surprised when she tried to turn her nose up at the offering.

“Hey,” Hog said, the baritone of his voice thrumming deep as she looked up at him again.

He tried to hum, the same tune that his own girl had loved so much— that tune about the baby bumblebees. But he could barely manage a few notes before something old and tired and long-buried lurched in the darkness of his chest and he swallowed the song back down until it hurt, like those bumblebees were stinging him in the throat. He cleared them away with a rumbling cough, briefly placing a hand over his mouth. It had been too many years since he’d sung it, or not enough.

“…Maybe a different one,” he told her. “Know one about the kookaburra.”

Maybe it was the thunder of his voice or the tune about the kookaburra itself, but she seemed entranced when he began to hum. When he offered the bottle again, she stilled her fussing and took it with no more trouble, yellow eyes drifting shut. The bottle steadily drained until she belched against the cloth on his shoulder and yawned with a high squeaking noise like a snared rabbit. He replaced her in the crook of his elbow, and she opened her eyes long enough to smile up at him. Hog almost smiled back.

But then her smile turned into toothless grin, and she promptly passed gas at him before immediately falling asleep, just as abruptly as her father had in the next room over.

He stifled a chuckle, leaning his face away. “Eugh…Yeah, that’s from Mei all right. Might need the mask after all.” He tossed the empty bottle aside and stood, heading back into the den for his armchair and his book, and to keep watch while they rested.

***

Mei trotted up the ramp with her suitcase, and spotted the extremely unmistakable beanpole frame of Junkrat waiting for her. She brightened and waved, hurrying her step with the hovers on her case struggling to rattle after her. “Jamie, zhè biān! Over here!”

One extremely frazzled-looking junker turned at the sound of her voice, his customary grin only able to make it halfway across his face as he opened both long arms. She enthusiastically threw herself into them, and his grip coiled and tightened as he buried his nose into her hair, sighing aloud before he began to plaster her face with irritating kisses while she squealed and batted him away just how he liked. Only then did he rear back up to his full height, keeping one arm draped over her shoulder. “How are ya, darl?”

“It’s good to be back. That was such a long week! Um, n-not that I was worried or anything, I know you said things were fine. I got the little video you and Ana sent of her with her little zebra sweater, so cute! And she took the bottles okay? Was she—”

“Aaah-haha-ha! Nope! Everything was fiiiiine! It’s just…ya know. Prawn’s a vivacious girl and it was…uh. Ya know, she’s kinda got a stubborn streak and I— Uh, maybe you could just not leave again? Ever? Just a joke! But really!” He rubbed nervously at his neck, then blinked when there was a pull at his arm, leaning down to where Mei could plant another kiss on his cheek. Some of the tiredness melted away, his shaky smile steadying. “Ah, heh!”

“I know it must have been hard. It was hard with two of us. I hope you weren’t being too hard on yourself? Like I said, you can always ask for help when you get tired. I know I ended up crying in the bathroom more than once because I was so tired.”

“Mighta been a little more difficult than I’d been crowing. Only a little, though!”

“But…it’s easier with help? I heard you had help?” She lowered her voice scandalously as they walked, looking around as if expecting someone to interrupt them at any moment. “Really? I guess I’m a little surprised that it was Mr. Roadhog. Is everything okay between you two? Was everything okay with her?”

“Honestly, love, I got no idear how it went. Apparently I passed out on his lounger for about six hours straight before he woke me up so I could go get more bottles for her. Was acting all weird about her at first, all…squirrely-like. But when I wake up, she’s fed, burped, changed, and absolutely smitten with the big lug. Ya know, you’d almost think ol’ Pigface has got more experience than he’s let on!”

“W-well, it’s not really our place to… But he was okay with her, is the main thing? She didn’t bother him? And you were able to sleep? It sounds like you might have needed a little break.”

Junkrat turned upon her, wild-eyed. “N-no! No, it was all fine! Didn’t even need to sleep! Who told you that!”

“You did?”

“Well fuck me, then! Yeah nah, I had everything under control! Well, me and maybe a bit of help on the down-low from Uncle Roadie. And the prawn was sheer perfection, not a misstep, absolute angel, definitely didn’t explode a tornado of shit that somehow managed to miss her entire fucking diaper or anything! Speaking of!” He leaned down to snatch up her bag, pushing her in front of him as they rounded the corner. “Think I ain’t the only one what’s happy to see you back.”

Mei’s entire person lit up, even prettier than when his bombs went off. She dropped the handle of her suitcase and broke into a jog, then into a run, right up to the enormous figure of Roadhog, and the cushioned carrier he held in one hand. He upnodded and grunted a little greeting sound, but she only managed a very distracted semi-response before she set upon the carrier with both hands, pulling at straps and plastic buckles until she was finally able to lift the little girl back into her embrace after so long away.

She laughed to herself as she rocked her, covering the little wisps of blond hair with kisses. “Oh no! Nǐ zěn gǎn! You were asleep when I left and you’re asleep when I come back too! Terrible, terrible manners. You could at least say hello.” She pressed another kiss to her forehead, holding her tightly, voice entirely without malice as she scolded her.

The prawn mumbled to herself and stirred but remained asleep through the torrent, sucking on the rubber pacifier, as Mei shook her head and turned up to where Roadhog was peering down at them in his usual silent menace. A quick glance backward saw Junkrat still struggling with the handle to her case, so she took a moment to lean up towards him. “I promised I won’t pry, Mr. Roadhog, honestly I won’t. But I guess I was surprised to see you in those photos with her. I know Jamie won’t admit he was having some trouble with her but… I’m glad he went to find you. I just want to know if you’re okay with her? With everything?”

“Wasn’t in the plan. Was hard. Thought those days were long gone. But Rat needed help. And she’s…” Hog shrugged, rumbling a low sigh before lifting the empty carrier. “She’s all right.”

“Then, thank you. From both of us. Thank you so much.”

There was a loud clatter from behind them. “Ow! Where’s the latch for the hovers! Fuckin’ thing!”

“Oh, here! I’ll get it, sometimes it sticks!” Mei placed one last kiss to the prawn’s head before very carefully placing her back into the carrier, moving to help him where the hover pad had gotten stuck and the entire case now trying to roll around in circles. “No, no, it’s going left, hold it still!”

“Head it off at the pass, darl! It’s goin’ rogue!”

Hog watched them laugh and dissolve into more arguments while their daughter slept through it all, leaning down to strap the little girl back in and cover her snoring body with her blanket again. She might not have been awake for Mei’s reunion, but there would be time later. And Rat was perking up back into his old self again, where he had thrown himself bodily onto Mei’s suitcase and was trying to wrestle the hover port closed again while Mei pulled at his leg and yelled for him ‘not to hurt it’.

They were both looking a little flushed by the time they had straightened it out, and Mei retrieved her suitcase while Rat had firmly wrapped one arm about her once more. When they returned, Hog caught the little glances towards one another, and where Mei was subtly trying to shoo his hand away from her rear. She cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses as her gaze darted to the little sleeper in the carrier, sighing aloud when the prawn only fussed a little at the noise, turned her head the other way, and went right back to sleep.

Hog half-lifted the carrier and made his offer, lifting his head very subtly to Rat. “…She’s asleep. Just ate. Probably going to nap for a while. Could keep her for a bit.” Just as he thought, Mei looked a little disappointed, but he knew she wouldn’t have time to mope for long. He wasn’t entirely sure if Rat had caught his signal or if the younger junker was just being as lecherous as normal, but Rat was quick to seize the opportunity.

“Y’hear that, darl? Prawn’s a champion napper, might be a while. We uh…we got some time? Ya know, I ain’t seen you for a week.” He promptly returned to trying to squeezing at her side and lowered his voice into a hoarse ‘whisper’ that was still audible to everyone around them. “Prawn’s not the only one who’s been looking forward to those tits again…”

“Jamison!” She hissed, before coughing sheepishly and hugging her suitcase like a shield. Likely she would never get used to the junkers’ ‘open’ style of approach. “I-I mean, we shouldn’t inconvenience Mr. Roadhog, and I haven’t seen her—”

“She’ll wake up later on, can get right back on track. But I mean, uh…ya know, if we got time.”

She looked torn. “No, we shouldn’t, we shouldn’t impose…”

Hog snorted and glanced down at her. “Offering. She’s asleep. You got a good sleeper. You got time. Take it.”

Junkrat nosed at her hair, practically salivating. “Oh, she’s gonna take it…”

“JAMISON!” Her face lit up pink. “O-oh! Well I guess…I guess if she’s going to be napping for a while and you don’t mind taking her? Just for a little bit! Um, I guess if…Will you message me the moment she wakes up, though?”

“Yeah. I will.”

Mei offered him a grateful but embarrassed smile, and Junkrat gave him a much more grateful and much less embarrassed smile as well. Mumbling words of both apologies and thanks, she grasped onto Rat’s hand and let him drag her away. Their arms looped around each other in that awkward manner, too tall and too short and determined to make it work despite. Even while Hog watched them go, Rat goosed at her bottom and she slapped his arm, then leaned her head up against him while he laughed uproariously at some joke or other. They turned another corner and were gone, headed back to their home together.

Hog was left alone once more… Or, not alone. Not this time.

The prawn squeaked out another yawn from her carrier and he glanced down at where she shifted in the throes of brand-new dreams. He placed his finger in her open palm, and her fist curled and closed and held on as she stilled once more. He waited until she was pacified, patiently tucking in the blanket again before lifting up her carrier and heading off back to his own home. It was likely she’d be asleep for a while longer yet, and they had time before everything devolved back into chaos.

“Come on,” he told her. “Gonna stay with Uncle Roadhog a while longer.”

Best to enjoy those moments while they could. They were moments you’d never get back, no matter how much he’d give to have them back again. But he had this, at least for now. And it was all right.

It was all right.