#i can’t believe this life changing band was on the periphery my whole life

[angstics]

my chemical romance 😭

[madfatty]

the finn nelson agenda - an mmfd  fic #27

Long time, no see. I come bearing gift.  Consider this my woefully inadequate attempt to distract you for a few moments from the shit-show that is now.

The plan is for this to be one of eight or nine stories about Finn falling for Rae, as told by the people who watched it happened. The collection is tentatively titled, ‘Why Are You So Blind?” and this one is from Finn’s POV.

What I’ve learned is that I can’t write it in the order that it ought to be read, so they’ll go up as they’re finished (if they’re finished). This is probably third or fourth from the end, so for the time being, we’ll pretend it’s a stand alone.

My thanks to the most lovely and much missed @bitchy-broken for planting the seed and my dearest @slitherouter for listening to me read it in many of it’s various forms and for the words that inspired both me and the title

..  my secret agenda is actually just to sit in your room and show you my favorite songs while you explain different things you have on your wall or your desk to me

Things Finn Nelson says

(a thing that Shiri said. I mean, *GAH* right. I love her SO much.)

Ta very much to @late-to-the-sexy-party for her thoughts and enthusiasm.  Big love and thanks to the wondrous @endemictoearth for giving it a twice-over and the benefit of her talent and experience. She made it infinitely better. Thank you, my gorgeous.  

And finally, thank you dear reader, for giving this a go.

the finn nelson agenda

It’s one of those lazy, late summer days he’d spent all term daydreaming about, slouched in the back corner of some classroom, tapping out bass lines on his desk or scribbling band names and song lyrics all over his binder.  Staring out the window while elaborate fantasies built of music, football and girls, all vividly drawn, played out against the white noise of his reality. He feels the waste of it; counting down the seconds to the end of the hour, the end of the day, the end of school.

None of that matters now.  There are still weeks left of the holidays and each day is filled with even more promise now that Rae’s around. Days like today. While there are thousands of elsewheres he imagines himself being between nine and three during term, today Rutlands will do just fine.

All his mates are here, there’s tunes and booze and a sense of time being stretched out and suspended in the liquid amber of the golden afternoon. It’s almost perfect. The only thing missing is the girl. And fingers crossed, she’ll be here soon too, because Finn’s beginning to realise things are just better when she’s there.

Where was she though? He’s been a twitching mess the whole time they’ve been here, checking his watch every few seconds, never registering the time, but still feeling the drag of it.  Not toward the end of something now, but the start.

Ever since the party, he’s tried to find time every day to get her on own, but it isn’t easy. She’s quickly become the centre around which they all revolve, so competition for her attention is huge. This means he spends a lot of his time waiting to share hers. He prowls an invisible periphery, ever watchful for his chance. They don’t come up nearly as often as he’d like so he’s had to get creative.  

Now, depending on how late he gets in from a long day of almost being together, there’s a new nightly ritual he follows; home, a quick shower and something to eat, then he makes a mug of tea and a cosy nest and dials her number with shaking hands. The last of his preparations is pressing ‘play’ on the carefully curated backing tracking for their conversation while he listens nervously for her to pick up.  

Even then, he has to share her with her family. The sniping and the bickering between her and her mum, the deep warm tones of a hesitant male voice, a rumble in the background.

He can hear the life she complains about going on behind her, crowded and noisy and messy; the chaos and the lack of privacy, he can’t help feel how much he wants to be in the middle of it.

What he’d really like is to show up at her door with a bag full of music and a couple of sneaky cans of lager. He’d happily listen to her mum bitch about the ladies she works with at the hospital and watch football with Karim or help out with the birds if it means that eventually, they can escape upstairs to her room, because even though Finn’s only really been to her house the once, (if you didn’t count the apology), he likes it there. Finn’s got a secret wish; to sit in her room, sharing his favourite songs while she talks about her books, and her posters and all those weird little toy things that cover her desk. He wants to find out about all of it. To know everything about her.

However, despite his best -obvious, desperate - efforts, she hasn’t taken any of the heavy hints he’s dropped to ask him over again, so he’s going to invite her ‘round to his. He’s going to ask her today because he wants so badly for her to come and fill his house with her smile and her smell and her stories and yeah, to make some stories of their own.

He’d tried again, last night at the pub. Just as they were all getting ready to leave, with his heart in his mouth - ‘cause that’s always where it is when Rae’s around, when it’s not in his eyes or on his sleeve, - he’d stuttered out an offer to collect her this morning. His plan was to get there super early so they could just hang out on their own. He’d been prepared for her ‘no’ but it didn’t stop the curl of disappointment when she gave it.

Sometimes he worries that that night at hers didn’t mean as much to Rae as it did (hell, still DOES) to him, that it was just a random kindness, not the revelation that he’d felt, and to her he was just a guy having a bad night that she’d taken pity on. Other times, he believes she can feel this thread between them too. A delicate thing but he thinks it’s getting stronger, can feel it getting tighter somewhere around his ribs.  No longer nothing, but not quite the something he’s hoping for.

Finn doesn’t want to test that thread, in case he tugs too hard and it snaps. He can’t help feeling that he needs to do something though, because it doesn’t matter what Archie says about it, there’s this niggle inside him that says all it would take would be for Archie to finally decide that he really did want her, and with the crook of his finger, Rae would come running.

He’s separated himself slightly from the others, coiled up tight in the shade of a nearby tree, his back to the bark, the pinch and bite of it through his t-shirt not enough to distract him from his vigil.

Cigarette butts lie in an untidy circle around his feet.  His ears are straining past the drone of the radio and the fat buzzing noise of insects, tuning out the prattle of the others for the first sign of her. Her name caught up in the pulse behind his eyes.  Everything is so loud inside his head.

He’s about to risk asking Izzy for a third time if she’s sure Rae knew exactly where they’d be when Rae appears. The anxiety of her absence is replaced with the relief of her proximity. The physical response is exactly the same. The next breath he takes is easier than the one before.

He doesn’t care what it looks like. It’s not enough to be near her anymore; he can’t bear any distance between them.  It makes him brave. Or crazy.  

Without consultation, his body moves with deliberate intent. He turns the music up, up, and reaches for another can, trying to fill his belly with something other than butterflies, hoping that his counterfeit swagger hides the jelly of his knees.  Finn lets himself fall – continue to fall, he’s been falling for a week, pushed from a plane without a parachute – to land beside to her.

He must have lost his mind. It’s the only way to explain his behaviour.  He’s got her pinned to the ground from shoulder to ankle like some sort of lunatic but that’s not the insane part. No, the insane part is his brain trying to convince him that if he doesn’t grab hold of her hand like he so desperately wants to, she won’t notice that he has her pinned to the ground from shoulder to ankle like some sort of lunatic. For fuck’s sake, it’s screaming, don’t hold her hand because then she’ll know. Like that’s where all his subtlety would disappear. He holds fast to his wrist, pinning the would-be offending hand to his chest; a single idiotic attempt at self-restraint.

It’s all he can do to lie here, outwardly calm while inside he’s vibrating so hard his teeth are rattling, his heart bouncing so fiercely off his ribs any minute now he’ll come loose from the ground. His tongue lies thick and useless in his mouth, dry despite the beer.

He hopes his deafening silence reads like casual confidence to her.  

The weight of the sun and the heat from the ground beneath him, simultaneously seeps in and rises up to meet in the middle of him. Yet neither burns him like the length of her body under the press of his arm and the cage of his legs.  A sheen of sweat covers his body, caught between his skin and his clothes. It tickles along his hairline, behind his ears and slides down the sides of his neck.

Everything inside the moment is sharp and highly defined. He can feel each breath that fills her lungs. Everything outside of a three foot radius blurs in his field of vision. It’s coming in waves, all at once and he doesn’t know which bits to savour, which bits to focus on and what to put away for later. He has to keep sneaking looks at her just to make sure this is really happening. Rae on the other hand, has her face turned skyward, barely acknowledging his presence, unmoved by the miracle that’s changing his life.

He’s filling up with her. His head, his heart, his bones. Every nerve is exposed. It’s all stinging nettles and ants itching under his skin.

He couldn’t have stood if you paid him. Dizzy from the blood roaring in his ears before it raced south.

She hasn’t pushed him away.

What would she do, if he just stopped thinking and did what his body was screaming out to do; if he rolled over and covered her body with his own. What would she say? If he gave in to the impulse and kissed those maddening pink lips, lush and full, and coaxed her sharp acid tongue into his own mouth, to taste the sweetness he’s seen her gift to others?

What she must feel like under the long cotton sleeves of her shirt, and  what might that do to him; finally touching her skin. He’s never fantasised about forearms before, or calves or even feet. Her pale wrist under his thick fingers, or the crook of her elbow beneath his lips.  The curve of her shoulder, the tip of her ear, the back of her knee. To see and touch and memorize. To know if his hands have guessed the way of her correctly.

Lying here, so close to everything he longs for, his thoughts slide inevitably to those most recently taken up residence in his brain, a divine carnal loop he indulges in almost hourly, the heavy press of her breasts against him, the torment of that smug mouth around his cock, the taste of her cunt, should he ever be blessed enough to be invited.

He has to stop that line of thought before his body gives him away. Before he can’t help himself anymore and he takes hold of her hand and places it on his hardening cock – do you see now? This is what being near you does to me. This is me, all the time, thinking about the back of your neck and the length of your leg and what sort of knickers you’re wearing or if you’re wearing any knickers at all. Look at me Rae, I’m trying to tell you that I … that I’m a mess about you. My head and my sheets and my record collection. The smell of green apple makes me hard, costs my dad a fortune at the green grocers. I can’t sleep, can’t leave myself alone, imagining your hand down my pants, your tongue in my mouth, the sounds that you’d make with my fingers inside you. I… I… Even in his own head he can’t say the word. Even he knows it’s too soon, but… Like is not enough, although he does like her. Desire is a stupid overused word, a song lyric that rhymes with ‘fire’. Want. He definitely wants her.

Can you see, Rae?

He can’t tell which one of them is trembling.

She still hasn’t pushed him away.

She’s quiet. He doesn’t like it as much when she’s quiet; it makes him nervous. Everything about her makes him nervous but at least when she’s talking, he has some idea of what she’s thinking and right now he needs to know what’s going on in her head. So he asks.

Her answer makes him laugh. It’s not exactly what he was hoping for until she laughs too. It’s treacle over his jangled nerves. They take the same breath and he feels her relax beneath him, which is when his brain detonates.

With the shittest timing in the world, Chop’s hissing Kendo’s name.

Kendo’s a mate of Chop’s older brother Robbie and a wannabe hard man.  He’s also a prize dickhead but that doesn’t stop Chop trying too hard to look cool in front of him, although Finn can see he’s shitting himself in case Kendo makes him look like a twat. Right now, Finn thinks Chop’s doing okay on his own on that score.

Rae stiffens. She sits up and Finn can’t help but follow, caught up as he is in her gravitational pull. All the ease from a few seconds before is gone. Everything that’s said in the next two minutes sounds like it’s being spoken underwater because Finn can’t focus on anything but the distance she’s trying to put between them without physically moving.

The damage is done by the time Kendo finally slithers off, dragging the corpse of the mood he’s killed behind him.

Finn’s still up in his head about how he’s going to get Rae to lay back down with him or if that moment’s gone for good, so he’s not really listening when Chloe asks her question. He says ‘yeah, course’ two seconds before his brain catches up with his mouth and just as he’s trying to scramble back from his offer, Rae’s telling them she can’t go. The ground drops out from under him and his heart is flailing, doing a Wile E. Coyote over his gut.

Wait, wait, a minute ago we were on our way to perfect. Fucking Chop. Fucking Kendo. Fucking fuck.

He’s reeling but before he can find a way to get them back to where they were, a shadow falls over them and Chloe’s voice, brittle and insistent.

“Rae, can I speak with you? Privately.”

Fucking Chloe.

For a moment hope soars because he can feel Rae’s reluctance to move but it’s only for a moment; she’s pulling away now and she’s taking all the warm and the hope with her. He sits there among the shattered bits of the beautiful bubble they’d been floating in, with his unasked question filling up his throat and his eyes closed because he can’t stand to watch her walk away.  

[bassgains]

Musical Pounds

(This is my first attempt at a wg fiction so don’t judge it too harshly)

Andrew graduated in the top 10 of his class. He had been interested in many different things throughout high school, such as music, science, law, etc. He wanted to go to college far enough away that his family wouldn’t intrude on his daily life, but not far enough away that he couldn’t see them periodically. He’d finally decided to go school where his best friend Wayne had decided to go. Andrew and Wayne has decided to live together in the dorms on campus. They were both excited to journey into the unknown that was college life.

Andrew was your typical college freshman, trying to find his own way, just like everyone else. He was trying to figure out his identity and how he fit in with the campus social life. Andrews always appreciated chemistry in high school, so he had decided to major in Forensics and minor in Biology. He loved how everything in the body worked together to make it work. He and Wayne had also decided to join the marching band at his school. Andrew was in the Drumline and Wayne player Trombone.

Andrew and Wayne weren’t realy built athletically built either. Andrew wasn’t necessarily big, he was just a little “skinny fat”. He weighed 175lbs going into college and had a small paunch but nothing too remarkable. Wayne, on the other hand, was built largely, like a linebacker. He carried a hefty belly and was overall big and thick. Wayne weighed a hefty 250lbs going into college. Neither of them were overall worried about their weight, but that was all soon to change.

“I really don’t want to go to rehearsal”, Wayne groaned. “Me either”, Andrew said. They had both been at wits end with people in the band. Plus they were supposed to be fitted for show shirts and uniforms that day as well. Andrew has been fitted for a large jacket and medium pants, since he had to wear his harness under his jacket, and Wayne had been given an 2XL jacket and pants. “How much do you wanna bet that the freshman 15 will catch up with me now that I’ve got growing room?” Andrew joked. “Haha, yeah probably”, Wayne shot back, “How are your bio lab studies going?” “Pretty good actually, we’re talking about the human body’s metabolism and how certain enzymes work with the body to deposit fat”, Andrew said. “Really? Maybe you can undeposit this? Haha” Wayne said shaking his gut vigorously. “Haha I don’t think that’s how it works”, Andrew joked. “I didn’t think so, haha. Come on, we’d best get on the field before they yell at us”, Wayne said starting to run to his set. “Probably”, Andrew said, picking up his harness that was vaguely tight, but just loose enough that he could adjust it while wearing it. He finally adjusted everything and placed his drum on the harness and ran onto the field.

Andrew woke up the next morning before Wayne had. It was a Saturday and it was their first football game of the season to march in. Excited, yet nervous, Andrew got up and made sure he had everything ready for the day. He had completely forgotten about the vile he took from the lab last night. He looked at it and remembered what had happened last night. He’d opened the vile and smelled the liquid. It was an odd smell. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t necessarily nice. He just kept looking at it and thought “I wonder what the effects on a living human are?” Andrew knew that it was better to test on something else before on an actual human, let alone yourself individually. He also had the syringe from last night that he’d had refilled. As he was looking at both of them, he heard Wayne get up. Andrew quickly shoved the syringe and vile back on the table behind the fast food wrapper. “You’re up early, haha” Wayne said. “Yeah, I’m just ready to perform today”, Andrew said. “I can tell lol”. “I’m just ready for something that’s not me staring under a microscope, haha.” Wayne got up and stretched, laughing and groaning.

Later, they both were putting on their uniforms, getting ready to leave the dorm. Andrew’s uniform had fit a little loose, as he had to wear his harness under his jacket. Wayne’s uniform was snug and fitting just right. Wayne was walking around cleaning up and Andrew had forgotten the vile and syringe on the table. Wayne picked the bag up and noticed the syringe. “What’s this?”, He asked. Andrew’s heart stopped, “Give me that!” He said. “I just want to know what it is, man”, he said holding it close to him. “It’s nothing!” Andrew said grabbing for it again. They both were going back and forth trying to grab it from each other. Almost in slow motion, they both grabbed the vile and then fell backwards with the vile flying in the air. Neither of them had realized they pulled the top of it off and that liquid was going everywhere. With both of them on the ground, they were both watching the bottle, liquid and syringe fall to the ground. Some of the liquid went on the floor, while some of it had went into both of their mouths. Neither of them had realized it but they were more focused on the syringe that had fallen and stuck itself into Andrew’s arm. “Shit!” He said, watching the liquid drain into his body. “Dude are you okay?” Wayne said. “I’m fine”, Andrew said, “let’s just go and not talk about this.”

Both of them were almost late to the start of the game. They were playing music in the stands when some of the drummers around Andrew had just been looking at him. “Are you okay?”, most of them kept asking. “I’m fine, just tired is all”, Andrew said, knowing that he wasn’t. He just kept denying to everyone and himself that something was wrong. Even Wayne came up to Andrew and was like, “what was in that vile?” “I can’t tell you because I don’t know”, Andrew said. When they went down to the track to go perform, Andrew was sweating so much in his uniform. Once his harness was on under his jacket it finally filled out the whole thing. He placed his drum in the harness and was prepared to walk out on the field when he noticed something. He felt his body start vibrating almost. “Wha-“ Andrew barely got out before he felt every part of his body expand. In front of the whole band and audience, he got fatter. He felt his belly swell and press against his harness. His jacket strained against the harness, and he felt his pants get tighter around his waist and thighs. “You okay?” Someone asked Andrew. “Uh-ye-Yeah!” Andrew lied. He searched frantically for Wayne, but was ushered out into the field to perform. While they were performing, Andrew noticed that he was having to put much more effort into everything: marching, playing, breathing, etc.

Once they finished performing, Andrew was swearing profusely. He went back to the stands and asked the band director if he could go home because he felt sick. To his surprise, Wayne was right behind him and asked the same thing. He excused them both and they went to put their equipment away. When Andrew pulled off his jacket, he looked down at his harness and horror dawned on him. He frantically struggled to pull the harness off and finally had to ask for Wayne’s help. Embarrassed he finally forcefully pulled the harness off and he fell back in the ground. “Woah”, Wayne gasped. “What?” Andrew asked, noticing that Wayne was staring at him. Andrew looked down and gasped. At the beginning of the game his tshirt was pretty loose on him. Now, all he saw a massive ball of fat bulging out from his shirt. “Oh my god.” He said, looking at Wayne, but he noticed something different about Wayne. Wayne’s shirt was slightly looser on him and his belly was less prominent. “What’s going on?” Wayne said frantically. “I really don’t know, I swear!” Andrew pleaded. After a few moments of awkward silence, Wayne got up and left, leaving Andrew in the uniform room alone.

He looked in the mirror. He couldn’t believe that he’d was so stupid to take the vile and syringe back to his room. If he had actually thought about it a little more he wouldn’t be in this situation. “What would he do? What would everyone say? How could he reverse it?” All of these were running through his mind as he ran his fingers across his newfound midsection. He couldn’t fathom it. How could he? It was something out of science fiction. He could feel his new weight pulling him forward and pressing against his clothing. Something happened that he couldn’t explain, but was he enjoying this? No, why would he? It did feel kinda nice. No, nobody wants to be fat. “I’ve got to find a way to fix this”, Andrew said. Just as he said that he heard the buzzer go off and realized the game was over. Andrew threw everything in his cases and bags and ran out of the stadium. He didn’t realize that it was much harder to run with the added weight. He felt his belly bounce with every stride and he could almost see it jiggling in his peripheries. He got back to his dorm and slammed the door, breathing heavily.

Andrew sunk to the ground. He had to find a way to reverse the effects. Wayne walked up to him. Andrew didn’t notice but he was shirtless. His belly was smaller than it was this morning. “I’m sorry about this”, Andrew said. Wayne just looked at him, not knowing whether to be angry or thankful. “I’ve always wanted to lose weight, but I never expected you to gain what I lose”, Wayne said. “Ugh”. Andrew didn’t know what to do. He tried standing up, which required way more work than it usually did. He walked into the bathroom and stepped on the scale. 200lbs. Andrew’s mouth was agape. He’d never weighed this much. “I already checked,” Wayne said, “240lbs”. “So you lose 10lbs, I gain 25?!?” Andrew shot back. “I don’t know how this works. You’re the one who stole the stuff. Plus you got more of it from the syringe” “I didn’t ask for this!” Andrew said angrily. “Then fix it!” Wayne yelled. Andrew walked into the bathroom and started the shower. He just kept looking down the whole time, baffled by how big his belly was compared to this morning. He felt that odd sensation again. He was definitely aroused by this. He was embarrassed, but honestly didn’t care. After a long shower, he got out and tried to put his towel around him. It barely stretched out enough to cover himself and he walked out of the bathroom back to his room. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out clothes that he thought would fit. He turned around to see Wayne staring him down. He walked up to him and slapped his belly with a lot of force. Both of them watched it bounce and send ripples across Andrews body. Andrew could feel his face go deep red, as he watched Wayne’s face go equally as red. Andrew turned around when Wayne did and quickly threw on his clothes which were extremely tight on him. He could barely button his shorts and his shirt really accentuated his new curvy fat rolls. “Can I borrow a shirt?” Andrew said aloud. “Yeah, here”, Wayne said throwing him a shirt. Andrew changed and noticed that it was only one size bigger than what he was already wearing. “Oh well” he thought to himself.

Andrew went out to a restaurant by himself to ponder everything that had happened that day. He had to fix it, but how could he go up to a professor and say that he took a chemical that was not meant to be used without facing horrible consequences? His situation was bad enough so he might as well come clean. While he was sitting in the restaurant, he noticed someone looking at him. After a few moments of staring back, Andrew realized who it was. It was the guy who was in the lab the night he took the chemical. Andrew could feel that his face was red. Suddenly he felt the vibrating sensation again “Hngh!” He then heard a creaking noice from underneath him. A few seconds later, Andrew came crashing down on the floor. Everyone in the restaurant just looked at him in awe. He got up and looked at the man, who was writing on a note pad. Freaked out by everything, Andrew ran out of the restaurant and was freaking out. He then got a call from Wayne. “It happened again! I’m getting thinner.” “Must be nice, I just broke a chair with my fatass” Andrew grumbled. “Wow. I weigh 230 now” Wayne piped up. “So I probably weigh 225 now. There used to be a 75lb difference between us! Now there’s 5lbs...”, Andrew trailed off. 50lbs in a day, let alone a few hours. He hung up abruptly and started walking to his car. He had to get back to campus and figure out how to reverse everything.

He got to his car and realized the man from the restaurant was outside staring at him. He got in his car quickly and took off. He was almost back in his parking spot when he felt it again. “Oh n- Hnghh!” Too late. He hasn’t been sitting down for the last two surges of weight so this was a new sensation to him. His belly lurched forward and poked out from under his shirt and pressed against the steering wheel. He had to be 250lbs. Still freaked out and partially aroused, He scrambled to get out of the car and almost fell once he stood up. He wasn’t used to his new heft swinging from his midsection. He was straining to push out his belly against his shorts. He felt his shorts tear up the back and heard a loud SNAP! And watched as the button on his shorts skidded across the parking lot. He looked down at his belly that was still bouncing from the sheer force of the button snap. He had done it. He’d put on 100lbs in a day. 275lbs. “Oh my god...”, he thought. It was an odd feeling but he could feel his manhood pressing against his shorts, but his thighs and fat pad were almost covering it completely. He Andrew looked up. He saw the man from the restaurant staring at him from a nearby sidewalk. “You know there’s is a limit to how big you’ll get”, the man said to him. How? How did he know what was happening to me? “What do you mean? Help me!” Andrew pleaded. “All I’ll say is 200lbs”, the man said and began to talk away. “What does that mean?! Come back!” Andrew said.

He walked into the dorm, embarrassed as hell. He showed his ID and went straight to his room. Andrew walked in and saw Wayne standing there in baggy clothing. “210lbs”, is all that Wayne said. Andrew walked to the scale and stepped on. 275lbs. Andrew sighed, still aroused. He turned around and laid on his bed, then horror hit him. “200lbs”. He was only halfway done, with 100lbs to go. “I don’t know how to fix it but someone knows what’s happening to us”, Andrew said. “The thing is, I don’t want to fix it”, Wayne said. “You don’t, but I do!” Andrew said. “Do you really though? I saw how you looked at me when I was bigger”, Wayne said. Embarrassed, Andrew said, “Maybe? I don’t know. I kinda like it, but I’m just not used to it.” “We’ll get used to it big guy, you’re the fat friend now”, Wayne said. As soon as he said that, Andrew could feel the sensation start again, this time it was much more violent. He watched as his belly swelled and bounced upwards as he laid on the bed making his shirt so tight that it ripped into tiny pieces. He lost sight of his feet completely as his belly rose into the air. He felt his ass expand and push him upwards. His love handles pushed out and away from his middle. He could see his cheeks rounding out from his peripheral vision. His shorts and underwear was like a second skin now and there were already some tears in them. As he laid there letting it happen, he felt the wooden frame of the bed creak. He then went crashing to the floor. He attempted to get up but needed Wayne’s help. Wayne was a lanky 160lbs with clothes 3 sizes too big in. Andrew was sitting there a 375lb man in a shirt that was barely hanging on and skintight shorts that were almost in pieces. And there it was: the next 100lbs.

[drunkkenobi]

A livejournal-style bandom post because I’d kind of like it to be 2008 again

mood: drunk

music: The Academy Is... “Sleeping With Giants”

So, I spent quite a few hours this week backreading my livejournal. It all started innocently, I wanted to reread my initial capslock thoughts about Deathly Hallows in honor of HP’s 20th anniversary but then it turned into my rereading the many, many, many posts about dumb band boys, so I got all nostalgic for their music and put on my Just Beautiful playlist for the next few days.

It has prompted Thoughts.

It’s weird because more than half of this music I still listen to somewhat regularly. I have over 80 playlists and many of them include songs or albums by those bands, so it’s not like I never listen to them anymore. But I don’t tend to listen to the full albums or certain songs that much, and I don’t listen to all of these bands at once very much, so the deep concentration of bandom music all at once has been quite the throwback. It’s also been very enlightening as to why only one of these bands has survived.

Caveat: I cannot and will not ever be objective about Empires and their music so they’re not apart of this discussion. They’re still too close to me. (after all this time? always)

Anyway, so! Let’s get this out of the way:

Wow, Panic!’s albums have aged super weirdly. Like, Fever was always a goofy weird album but listening to in 2017 is so strange! I don’t know what to make of it! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the hell out of it still, but it just sounds so of the moment from 2006 that I can’t really think of anything else when I listen to it. 

Pretty. Odd. is also odd, (ha) and I found myself liking it less than I used to. “Northern Downpour” is still my fav ever and I don’t hate it or anything but I found myself not wanting to listen to those songs as much? Also, my car stereo is much better than my old laptop’s and those goddamn “doots” on “Mad as Rabbits” are fucking loud. 

But this is all very weird to me because I still generally really like and even love a bunch of the songs of The Young Veins’ album. But I’ve also gotten into ‘60s pop a ton more since 2010 so maybe that’s why. (I...I do not care for Vices & Virtues almost at all. Positive note: I do really like the newest album! good for you Brendon!)

Also aging strangely, to me, is The Black Parade. “Famous Last Words” is a forever jam and still my favorite MCR song but I approached that album as a whole so differently a decade later (fuck I am so old). I didn’t like “Mama” as much as I used to but I liked “Teenagers” more. I do not love “I Don’t Love You” or “Cancer” at all. Many of the songs run together in my head. But “Sleep”, a song I had few feelings about in 2006 really stuck out to me as one of the best songs on it now.

Three Cheers, however, has aged pretty excellently. So has Danger Days. Bullets, not so much, at least for me. I still cannot believe that Gerard Way is a respected comics writer and editor of a DC imprint, btw. 

Cobra Starship’s stuff sounds exactly like I remember it, for better or worse. They just wanted to give us a party and it all would still sound great at a party. (I wish This is Ivy League had given us more twee as fuck sad pop songs though)

Gym Class Heroes has mostly aged well, with a some exceptions. Mostly just “Cupid’s Chokehold” because all I can think of when I listen to it is that this song is about Katy Perry and how fucking weird that is.

I still follow and adore Greta’s music (Springtime Carnivore is her current band and it’s incredible) so I still really enjoy The Hush Sound but her voice also sounds so young that it throws me a little.

Periphery bands are all over the place. I still listen to The Like all the time so I still love their stuff. The Cab sure was a thing. It’s very weird to listen to a Hey Monday song when I remember that Cassadee Pope won a season of The Voice as a country artist. 504 Plan is the best pre-bandom band don’t @  me.

So that leaves me with Fall Out Boy and The Academy Is...

Fall Out Boy’s stuff, with only a scant few exceptions, has aged very well. It also sounds the least “of that time”, at least, in comparison to everything else. Like yeah, “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down” takes me back to 2005 but it’s not so 2005. 

They are also the only band left standing as a full group, give or take whatever the status of GCH is.

I feel like this can’t be a coincidence. 

It’s also really astounding to realize that they’ve never changed members (well, if you don’t count Evening Out With Your Girlfriend, which you shouldn’t). Like, holy shit, that’s so impressive! They took their big break but came back with one of their best albums ever. Elton John is on that album! That’s fucking bonkers! But it really shows how good of a band they are and how well those 4 dudes work together. Look at everyone they’ve left in their wake. Even a contemporary who is still going strong, Paramore, has had more member turnover than Taking Back Sunday (Which, don’t get me started). It makes me respect those guys in a whole new light.

So, when I say that TAI has the best debut album of all the bandom bands, I really, truly, somewhat non-objectively mean it. 

Seriously, Almost Here has aged wonderfully. I can listen to every song on there and not get caught up in mid-2000s nostalgia. I mean, I do, but not in the way Panic’s music does. And while Santi is still my favorite album of theirs, I still don’t like a couple of the songs on it (ugh “Seed”) but I really enjoy every song on Almost Here. Maybe because it’s slightly less depressing than their other stuff (which 40% of is about how they’re almost gonna make it, they’re just on the cusp of making it big, this is gonna be the time! and welp, it didn’t really happen. it’s obviously a big part of Almost Here but it’s much less desperate when Bill Beckett is only like 21 singing about it) I’m also less emotionally compromised it, which is why Santi remains my favorite btw, so I think that’s allowed it to age so well, at least for me.

“But!” you cry. “Take This To Your Grave exists!” oh my child, yes, it does. And while “Saturday” still is great and so is a lot of that album, the screamo, my child, is not. Also not? “Grenade Jumper” because the second-hand embarrassment is strong. Stronger than it even was in 2008.

And the rest: Fever’s weird, Bullets is unpolished as hell, Cobra’s is fun but they would do better, GCH’s has scrappy charm but I don’t listen to it much, The Hush Sound’s is just okay (remember it’s not Like Vines). Almost Here beats them all, at least for me.

It’s so good and fun and it was their best chance and I’m still so depressed they’re gone and I don’t know what any of them are doing, besides Sisky playing bass for Carly Rae Jepsen, and I miss them. I miss them and Empires so much. I miss refreshing FriendsOrEnemies or blogspots all the time for band updates and I miss trying to figure out complicated timelines and I miss staying up late to wait for a new song to drop at midnight and I miss TAI TV and I miss saving every photo I could of Tom Conrad and I miss the complete and utter joyous shock of those two going on an acoustic tour together and how thankful I am to have seen that, even if Sean was half-dead from the flu and I miss Bill’s terrible earnestness and I just... I miss them. 

I get it, life happens, things don’t work out, it’s for the best, people need to find their own happiness their own way, not everyone makes it. Not everyone is supposed to make it. Fall Out Boy is a one in a million for a reason. And I love them. I love their music, still. I’m so happy for them and I love that they are left standing.

But sometimes, I’d give anything for TAI or Empires to have their spot.