#i can't bring myself to call them Yasu

[dumbass-deru]

CW : top surgery scars, blood

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Shkanon doodles.....

And a gruesome corpse.

^

(Which is also a small redraw of one screencap from the anime)

[nanafics]

Icarus, part 1

Nana x Hachiko

notes: this ff will contain spoilers. in all honesty, i haven't finished the manga yet, but i have faint ideas of what’s happening in it from where the anime has ended ((++ english is not my first language, so please pardon me if the sentences or wordings are weird or chaotic))

Hachiko's pov

Exactly six years has passed since the last time that I saw this face. The last thing I remember about it was how beautiful it was under the moonlight. Now, I was finally seeing it again and it wasn’t shone by the moonlight anymore. This time, her features were lit by the pub spotlight, the perfect spot for her as the band's lead vocalist.

I can't believe my eyes. I wanted to run, like I always do. To face away from the reality that it might actually be her, that she was here, her body, herself. It's her. Finally.

In the brief moment that I contemplated leaving the pub and getting back to the hotel to my daughter, she caught my eyes. I was mesmerized by its glossiness, its darkness, how black it was that my feet felt like they were stuck in the ground. We used to joke around and called her a cat, more specifically a wild leopard following her shiny eyes and foxy looks. I suppose it really fits her, everything about her seems perfectly put together.

Hey Nana, is this the right choice? I could still run away, now. I could leave while you're still singing, forgetting that this ever happened. Returning to my daughter, my son and to the arm of a man I realized a while ago I never wanted to be with. Is this it? Will this be my last time seeing your face, without ever having a chance of giving you a proper goodbye?

I could feel she sensed my indecisiveness because from that moment on, she focused her eyes on me, the whole time that she was singing. That exact moment reminds me of the time when Nana conducted a special performance with Nobu in our kitchen, their first time performing this song. It gave me butterflies the same way it did the last times. This time though, there was no Nobu, no Shin and no Yasu. Just Nana and a foreign band. Still, in this very short period, I felt like everything was back to normal. That we were all still together. BLAST and Nana and me, all sitting on our little table.

I suppose the surrealness of this circumstances really strucked me that only after a few moments later, I realised Nana was already right infront of me. The music has stopped and the dim light has been switched back on in the pub.

"Hachi..." She called my name with that melancholic tones of hers. My heart started to feel heavy and I felt like I was loosing my balance. A mixed of emotions was spread across her face. I might have seen tears in her eyes, but I couldn't be too sure since my own eyes were already flooded with it.

"Hachi..." She called me again, this time she was slowly embracing me in a hug. Her hug felt warm, warmer than any embrace I've been in. That was the most relieved I had felt over the past few years.

"Nana, I..." I choked on my own tears that I couldn't bring myself to say it. The words stuck in my throat, not allowing the 1001 things I wanted to say to her.

"Hachiko, was- was this a mistake? I'm sorry if you wanted to leave and it looked like I didn't allow you to." There was visible unevenness in the tones of her voice, like she was about to burst into tears and break down right there and then, but only stopped because I did it first. She slowly released me from her embrace but I wasn't going to allow that. I pulled her tighter, not allowing any space between us.

"Nana, no. I want to be here, I want to see you. You didn't have to apologize." Nana was always like this, restricting herself from saying what she really wanted. Even then when Ren was still alive and they were together, she would always suppress her wants in fear he'd leave her for demanding too much or too often.

We stayed in that position for a few moments. No one was talking and it felt better that way. It felt like our souls were finally connecting again, no words were needed to mend them back together. I'm sure Nana felt it too. Had one of us realized this six years ago, we wouldn't have to go through the suffering and pain we have endured right up until this moment.

Of course, there were moments in the past six years that brought light in my heart, like the ones I had been having with my daughter, or the few days every month that I get to spend with my son while Takumi runs around Tokyo to inspect his production companies. I was grateful to be blessed with such beautiful children. There was nothing in the world that felt better than the moments when I am the mother of Ichinose Ren and Ichinose Satsuki.

Though at this very moment, all I could and would want to think of was Nana who was in front of me. This was the only chance we have of fixing what we had left behind all those years ago, and I knew she realized it too. She took my hands and guide me to the backstage. I felt at peace knowing she had taken the first move because if she hadn't, we would probably have stayed that way forever.

"Down for a drink at my place? I've got some strawberry glasses you could use. That, if you still want to use it," She chuckled a little upon looking at my stricken face. I thought Nana had forgotten about it.

"Don't be so surprised. I found it at some Asian supermarket the other day and thought they looked cute. Come, let's get out of here," She picked up her guitar and put her free arms around my shoulder, guiding me outside to the cold air.

The fresh air felt great on my face, but it felt better because Nana was next to me. It really felt like we were back there again.