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#i can't even move out rental vacancy is less than 1% abd rents like $500+ a week.
secondplayercanada · 2 years
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#ooc#vent#my brother and i got into an argument in the immediate family chat about2 hours ago and im still emotionally out of whack from it.#right now I'm struggling to feel anything but extreme dislike and coldness to him. I've felt so disrespected and unappreciated by him for.#well probably years now. a long time. and he blew up at me for no reason and basically said my autism is the problem.#something so intrinsic and unable to be separated from me is the provlem.tje thing that's been making it so harf for me for so long.#I'm sitting at work trying not to cry again as i type this .#i don't know if i will ever fully come back from this. i don't know if i *want* to try and fix things after this.#he seemed to hate me. and i dont even really care anymore. how sad is that. what hurts most is that it feels like confirmation that im#the problem. not him#me. like it always has been because ive spent most of my life undiagnosed and unknowing. suspecting but that's about it.#I'm sick and tired of not being comfortable at home. im sick and tired of being scared he'll hurt me. I'm sick and tired of him keeping#me awake at night. I'm sick and tired of him not even doing bare minimum and reaping all the rewards.#i hate how it feels like mum and dad are protecting him. how nothing ever changes and i keep trying but i can't do anything.#i can't even move out rental vacancy is less than 1% abd rents like $500+ a week.#i dont want to have to leave but i may have too just to keep my sanity and i hate it i hate it i hate it.#i hate him. i wish he would go away. i wish ue would face reak consequences and know how it feels. i wish mt sister woulf stop choosing him#like hes not the problem. i haye feeling like this.#i hate being the problem.
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