#i can't ignore how hot he looks in the first pic OH MY FUCK

[bluelolblue]

Santino casually wearing little tissues so he can wipe off cum-

Gotta always be prepared for anything at anytime

Take notes from Santino‼️

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Try Me Part 1/6

Here we go! Get ready for coach Ruben 😆

Summary - Reader is a very passionate football player and Ruben is her new and equally passionate football coach. However, the two of them can't seem to get along.

Enjoy!

"Pass the ball!"

You were flying, that was the feeling.

"Come on Y/N, pass me the ball I'm open!"

Your touch on the ball was magic, you were flying down the field. Your teammates couldn't keep up.

"Y/N!" The coach yelled. "Pass her the fucking ball!" Or he wasn't really your coach, but his assistant. He often used words like "fucking and bloody, followed by another set of curse words in another language." He was nearly your age only a few years older. It was hard to take anything he said seriously.

"She shoots, she scores!" You said and so you did, celebrating your magnificent goal with a tumble of cartwheels. It was the game winner, setting your team up for a great start in the summer cup group stage.

In midst of celebrating the victory with your team, you were suprised to be pulled aside by coach, or not really coach, Ruben was his name.

"What the hell was that?"

"What?"

"That!" He pointed to the goal where you just scored the goal of your life, however, instead looking impressed his face boiled with rage.

"Oh that. It was the game winner coach." Compared to your teammates you called him coach, but in a way that he knew that you were mocking him.

"Yeah, well, if you pull that shit again you can kiss the bench, because that's the only place I'll be putting you if you wanna play for my team."

"You can't bench me." You frowned. "I'm the best player on the squad."

"Unless you get rid of that bad attitude of yours, I'll do whatever I want with you."

"I bet you like it though?" You challengend, your face in his face.

He raised his brow in suprise.

"I found your profile on Tinder, cute pics by the way. A bit inappropriate, but cute."

He worked his jaw, probably fighting the urge to lose his composure with you, his trainee.

It wasn't you who found his Tinder profile. All the girls had a laugh about it in the locker room the other day. You held the phone though, while you're teammates begged for you to swipe right.

"Fuck it." He snorted. "I'm benching your ass the next game."

"You can't speak to me like that!"

"Well, I just did!"

He turned his back on you and walked away, leaving you stranded on the football field.

You longed for a shower once you got home. However the hot water was out, probably because your six year old step sister was splashing away in the tub. The water was cold when you pulled her out.

"Dad?" You entered the kitchen, Mimi in your arms, wrapped up in a towel. Your dad and his friends sat around the table playing cards, a cloud of cigarette smoke hovering above their heads.

"Dad?" He hadn't heard you the first time, the second time made him turn his head.

"Y/N, you're home. Great!" The cigarette stump bounced between his lips when he talked. "Go down to the corner shop will you, get me and Bubby a pack of Camel Blue. And how about some crisps for the beer? We've got guests coming over later."

"Dad, for how long did you leave Mimi in the tub?" You said, ignoring his request.

He frowned. "I didn't leave Mimi in no tub. She probably climbed in there herself, like she always do my good furniture. Ain't that right my sweet  Mimi?"

"Yes!" She happily exclaimed. She loved it when he called her that, sweet Mimi. You used to be sweet Y/N when you were the youngest. Now you were just the forgotten middle child, Mimi's babysitter.

"Let's get you cleaned up." You said,  drying her wet nose with the towel.

"Don't forget about the cigaretts!" Your dad called after you.

You and Mimi shared rooms whilst the others had their own. You had two older brothers, all with the same father but different mother's. Or, it was only you with a different mother. Mimi, Benji and Charles all shared the same parents. Right around when the boys were ten and fourteen their dad would go on to cheat on their mother with your mother, their next door neighbor. You all grew up around the same estate, until your mother passed away with cancer and you had to move in with them. Their mother eventually bailed too, but not because of cancer, she just hated your dad, leaving Benji, Charles and sweet Mimi behind.

"Daddy's friends are coming" Mimi said. You finished putting lotion on her body, moving on to her drawer to pull out a dress for her to wear.

"Yes." You nodded. "They're coming over tonight. But we'll stay in the room and watch Princess and the frog like we always do, okay?"

"Okay. I just don't like it when they shout."

You pulled the dress over her head, kissing the top of it. "Me neither Mimi, me neither."

After dinner you had Mimi come with you to the corner shop. It was not a good idea for her to be alone when your dad's friends came over.

"Can I have a lolly?" She asked.

"Just the one." You let her choose which ever flavour she liked.

"Y/N! How is football going?" Amin asked. He was the owner of the corner shop. Him and his family lived a floor below yours.

"It's going good. Our team is the top of our group. Hopefully we'll win it going on to the next round."

"Rember our deal." He smiled. "If your team makes it to the summer cup final, I'll bet good money on you to score and share the cut with you."

"How can I forget." You laughed. You needed that money to by new football cleats for the upcoming season.

"Bye Amin! Say hello to your wife from me."

"I will, have a good night girls."

"Thanks for the lolly!" Mimi pulled the candy from her mouth, waving it in the air.

You locked yourself in your bedroom once you got home. You let your computer rest on top of your bed whilst you climbed in to lay with Mimi in hers. There you lay watching Princess and The Frog, putting the movie on repeat until Mimi fell asleep. It wasn't difficult to ignore the drunken laughter happening outside the door.  Occasionally someone would pull the handle and give Mimi a fright. But you had taught her to laugh at the muffled up curse words of whichever alcholic got it wrong on their way to the bathroom.

It wasn't ideal, but it was your life. Football made it better though, football made your life worth living.

You pulled out your phone, careful not to wake up Mimi whose limp body lay beside you. You opened up Tinder, suprised to be notified about a message from your latest match.

It was Ruben, sending you a winking smiley face.

You slapped your hand against your mouth, smothering your astonished gasped. The fake profile your teammates made must have really caught his eye, because there he was, in your DM's. You thought about earlier today, muttering "No one puts me on the bench."

Your heart raised, typing out the message, a message Ruben was going to regret answering, if he was bold enough. It read:

I like guys with big eggplants. Do you have a big eggplant? 😘

Taglist:

@kathb59

[donghoonie-3]

Nooo, he looks so good when he wears chokers😵 If he asks me to suck on my fingers with puppy eyes, I'd become a soft Dom ngl jdjsjs I'm so weak for that boy that I'd go from hard Dom to soft Dom in a second. Omg that video- their Adam's apple just reminded me of Hoon😵 Imagine taking his hand to the bulge as you say "You're doing so well for me, such a good boy~", I can picture him choking a bit while moaning and bucking his hips up as his cock twitches<3 Maybe he'll try to take your hand to his cock, silently asking you to touch him. THAT CLIP FROM THAT LIVE- omg i never wanted to fuck him so bad, I feel like something changed in me after that live😭 I don't know if I want him to eat me out or make him gag on my strap on (definitely both) Oh to make him suck my strap on and then make him rail me like a good pup😵

Well, it depends on how hard you bite jdksks I feel like he'd love if his s/o leaves hickeys or love bites on his biceps, actually, leave them all over his body, he loves marks<3 He'd get soooo cocky, he's a menace (in a good way, ofc) If he catches you staring at his biceps, he'll smirk and say something like "Enjoying the view? I'll let you take one pic for free but if you keep staring, you'll have to start paying, love." But if he's feeling soft, he might just smile and he'd say something cheesy like "They look better when they're around you." And then he'd hug you<3 and kiss your head.

Also, how was your day Avery? Hope it was nice<3

IKKK!! ah honestly 😭 he makes me want to ruin him yet also makes me want to take care of him and give him whatever he wants:( this man istg😔 omg no their Adams apple reminds me of hoon aswell jeoebeso thr way it would bop up and down whenever he tries to swallow with the strap on in his mouth😵 he'd love to be praised while hes sucking that strap<3 it'd make him want to be even better for you<3 no bit imagine the choking/gagging sounds 😵 oh another thing<3 if this is too far you can just ignore this😭 but like sianeos when he starts to run out of air but you wouldn't pull out just yet and stay there for another 5 seconds<3 and of course there'd be like a safety thing that if he can't take it he'd tap your leg twice and you'd pull out right away. Sorry if that was too much osbseo I find that type of breath play hot💀oh I'd definitely take pretty dick and jerk him off<3 he deserves it for being such a good boy<3. NO BC LITERALLY SAME. he needs to be punished for looking that fine istg🙄 hmm I'd get him to suck my strap on first and if he does a good job I'd reward him by letting him eat me out<3.

No bc I just got a mental imagine of his pretty body being covers up in hickeys and bite marks😵 hottest imagination istg<3 he'd look so pretty<3 no bc him being cocky like that I'd literally smack his arm as a joke smh 🙄 noo him feeling soft and doing that😭😭 that's so cute:( I honestly wouldn't care if hoon would be cheesy...he could say what he wants and I'd still look at him in awe <3 ahh...not me simping for him again💀

Ahh my day was good<33 thank you for asking hehe :3 how was your day? I hope it was good<3

[hotchscvm]

love me, hate me - part two

Warnings: explicit sexual content, swearing

Word count: 3.3k

Summary: Christmas comes around and Ransom wants you more than ever.

part one

"You're telling me you actually want to date this guy? The one who can't even make you cum?" you asked, licking the remaining frosting from your finger. You placed the messy bowl in the sink, watching your best friend trying—and failing—to get the egg shells out of the mixture.

Meg gave up, dumping the brownie batter down the sink with the water running, fed up with the shells. "Yeah, but sex isn't everything, you know. I don't know—it's just this guy isn't like my exes. He genuinely cares about my feelings, and doesn't control me. Besides, he made me cum a few times. He's nice."

With Mariah Carey's Christmas music playing in the background, the miniature Christmas tree on the table, and the snow falling, the Thrombey household felt festive. Although, the people bundled up and arguing in the next room—not so much. Yet, neither of you cared while you continued to work, helping Martha out, on the desserts. It wasn't going as well as planned, but you took it as a positive considering you hadn't started a fire. Yet.

"Ah, yes, nice. Can't relate. I'm currently attracted to assholes who have anger issues." you commented, passing Meg the flour once again. Your creation was in the oven, and all you hoped was that no one got food poisoning because of it. Even you couldn't live with the guilt of Ransom, or his touchy father, throwing up Christmas morning.

"Currently?" Meg asked, raising an eyebrow, getting eggs out of the fridge for the hundredth time. She glanced at the direction of the door, the sound of it opening drawing both of your attention. "I'm pretty sure your daddy issues didn't just happen recently. Speaking of which, you may be the main reason Ransom decided to come back for Christmas instead chasing a model around."

You rolled your eyes, sitting back in your chair while contemplating whether or not it's too late to ditch. While Ransom was hot, his spoiled attitude wasn't worth tolerating for a quick fuck. With sarcasm dripping, you sighed. "Oh, how wonderful. 'Cause, that's exactly what I need right now."

Meg chuckled, focusing on the task at hand, trying not get shells in the mixture again. She had held off on mixing the dry stuff, much to your dismay, but to her it made sense to get the hard part out of the way so it wouldn't fuck everything up. Your best friend had just finished cracking her last egg when Harlan walked into the kitchen, Ransom trailing a few feet behind him. The playboy's eyes immediately landed on you, yet you didn't meet his, too preoccupied with the phone in your hands.

Harlan's slight frown lifted into a smile, surveying how messy the kitchen had gotten. "My, my, I wasn't aware a cake had exploded in my kitchen."

Looking up, you grinned at the old man, the smile reaching your eyes until you saw who was behind him. Ignoring Ransom, you giggled at Harlan's remark. "You call it a mess, we call it baking."

"As long as you ladies are having fun." Harlan replied, patting your shoulder before heading off towards his office, too tired to deal with his dysfunctional family at the moment.

Ransom lingered, walking up to you, a smirk impended on his face. Yet, you refocused you're attention back on your phone while Meg left the room, her apron still attached to her. You didn't question her sudden disappearance, knowing she was just as annoyed at Ransom's presence. The man in question peeked over you shoulder to see your screen showing off another man's dick, the words right below it explicit.

His jaw clenched in jealousy. Much to his chagrin, the man's dick was just as big as his own. But, he kept the icy exterior up. "Would it be offensive to ask whether or not your baking will make me sick this evening?"

You scoffed without looking up, tapping out of the dick pic your previous hook up had sent. "Since when do you care if you're offensive or not? Who are you, and what have you done to Ransom Drysdale?"

Ransom shrugged, leaning against the kitchen island while facing your annoyed expression. His smug behavior got under your skin, and the bastard was well aware. "Maybe all this Christmas spirit got into me. Or maybe I'm trying to be nice."

You raised an eyebrow, getting off your chair, rushing to the window, pretending to be looking for something. After a few seconds, Ransom's curiosity got the best of him and he joined you, looking for anything unusual outside. The snow-covered land showed nothing out of the ordinary, furthering Ransom's confusion.

"What are you looking at? I can't see anything." he said, squinting at the general direction you had look at.

Shrugging, you moved back to your seat, propping your elbows on the back of the chair, allowing a smug smirk lift your lips. "I thought pigs were flying. Ransom Drysdale isn't capable of being nice, yet alone say the word. I'm shocked hell hadn't freeze over. Yet."

The playboy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he took your body in, wrapped in his favorite color, the dress hugging your curves. "What's a guy have to do to be taken seriously with you? You and I both know I can give you everything you want, and more."

"Are you trying to buy me right now?" you asked, half teasing, half annoyed. Ransom could not take a hint, and you hated the fact that he didn't back off despite the sarcasm and insults you threw his way.

"I'm trying to be nice but you're making it really hard." Ransom answered, his cockiness wearing off. He was growing frustrated the more you looked at him like he was a piece of trash. All you wanted him to be was nice, now that he was trying to be, you wouldn't believe his intentions, despite wanting to prove it to you.

Pursing your lips, you tapped your finger against the table, the acrylic nail making a clicking noise. "You wanna prove it? Fine. You've got til midnight tonight. If you're unable to change my mind, you have to buy me my spring break vacation, all the fees and expenses."

"And if I do change your mind..." Ransom smirked, brushing a stray hair behind your ear, earning a half-hearted glare. "... you have to go on a date with me."

Ransom nearly burst out laughing from your shocked expression, the genuine look of surprised slapped on your face with the words. You shut your hanging jaw, still not processing what he was saying. "Excuse me?"

"You have to go on a date with me if I convince you that I'm willing to change my, and I quote, 'bratty and douchebag ways.' An actual date where we sit down, eat dinner, talk about our feelings, and get drunk. Whatever happens, happens." Ransom purred, placing a finger on your bottom lip. You slapped his hand away, and his smirked grew. "Are you going to back out of this already, princess?"

It was your stubborn side that made agree, pressing your lips into a thin line, you grabbed Ransom's hand, shaking it. He raised an eyebrow while you sighed. "You're on. Hope you have enough money to pay for a lengthy trip. I plan on drinking every bottle of wine in Italy."

Despite your baking debacle, you left the kitchen, leaving Meg's monstrous creation on the counter along with Ransom. You went into the living room, trying to find the girl in question when you happened to stumble upon Richard. He barely got to say a word before you turned around, and left the pervert behind. It was always a puzzle how Ransom turned out so hot with Richard and Linda as parents.

Climbing the stairs, you heard the family arguing growing quieter with each step. The second floor was almost a safe haven considering Harlan didn't let anyone raise their voice in the upper level, making it the only quiet place in the house, safe from any Thrombey fights. It was a wonder how the family hadn't murdered each other yet; it was only a matter of time.

Unable to find Meg in your shared room, you sighed, patting your body to find your phone only to realize you left it in the kitchen. With Ransom.

"Looking for this?" Ransom held out your phone, coming up behind you. His usual smirk was gone, a small, genuine smile in its place. It made him look less arrogant.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

You took your phone back, half expecting him to take it back just as you wrapped your fingers around it. But he didn't. You realized he was pulling out all the stops, all the little things that you found annoying was gone. He was acting. Eyes narrowing, you unlocked your phone, studying him. "Thanks. I think."

"Meg is helping the Brazilian maid." Ransom answered your silent question. Your thumb hovered her contact, going back to the home screen. Your eyebrows had risen by his mis-categorization of Martha's race and employment. "Pretty sure they went to the grocery store or something."

"Oh, okay." you replied lamely, putting your phone in your back pocket, the tight jeans making it nearly impossible. Opening the door to your room, you stepped in, not giving Ransom another look. But he followed inside, making you turn around. "Do you need something?"

Ransom stuffed his hands in his pockets, the cream-colored sweater shifting with the gesture. "You didn't exactly give me much time to prove myself. And looking around, we're all alone. I can't think of a better time."

As much as you hated to admit it, he had a point. The bet was a bit unfair considering how stubborn you were, and the amount of time he had to convince you. But it was a bit unsettling seeing Ransom try so hard, let alone being nice. You nodded, agreeing. "Fine, but can I change first? I'd rather not be covered in flour while you try to seduce me."

"You and I both know I wouldn't seduce you before dinner. There's no way in hell I'd treat you like the others." he mumbled to himself, but you heard it. Clearing his throat, he stepped out of the room. "Yeah, I'll be outside. Waiting. Take your time."

As soon as the door closed, you looked around the room to check if you were being pranked, expecting Ashton Kutcher to burst out of the closet along with a bunch of cameramen. After a few seconds, you came to the conclusion that Supernatural was in this universe, deciding "Ransom" was a shapeshifter or a demon possessed him. It was the only reasonable explanation.

Reaching for the hem of your top, pulling it off in one swift move, dropping it on the bed. Your jeans piling on top, allowing your legs to breathe. Despite Joni's hippie side, she had let Meg sneak in a few joints, the smell becoming stronger as you neared both your suitcases. You didn't think Harlan would be too please to have weed in his house, no matter how lenient he is.

You took your time, a little baffled by what to wear. Ransom hadn't exactly given you an agenda on his plans, leaving you to grab a clean pair of black jeans, and a classy, yet simple, red top. You looked decent enough to fit in a nice restaurant, but casual in case Ransom decided he wanted McDonald's, and most importantly: warm. If he wanted to take you to the North Pole, then he'd have to give you his cozy-looking sweater.

You opened the door, the sight of Ransom rocking on his heels greeting you. His back was to you, his hands inside his pockets as he looked out the window, frost crawling along the edges. It genuinely concerned you how much this man was acting; if you didn't know better, you'd think it was real.

Clearing your throat, you watched him jump in surprise, quickly turning to you. Raising an eyebrow, you tucked your phone in your pocket, meeting his warm, blue eyes. "I'm ready."

"Okay." said Ransom, motioning for you to follow him. You walked down the stairs without a word, the air becoming thick as you walked behind him. The sweater did little to no good disguising his broad shoulders, the muscles somehow still visible under the clothing.

As soon as you reached the bottom, you glanced around, the Thrombey fighting becoming louder with each second. It wouldn't be long before one of them stormed out of the room, muttering a curse under their breath. You'd seen all of them do it at least once. You crossed your arms, wary of whatever Ransom was planning. "Be honest, you're not just going to drive me off to the middle of the woods and murder me, are you?"

Ransom chuckled, giving you a wink as he held his hand out. Without hesitation, you took it. "If I was planning to murder you, I wouldn't do it in the woods. If you're going to die, it's going to be epic."

"Oh, well, that makes me feel better." you sneered sarcastically, instantly rolling your eyes. In the back of your mind, you pondered how long it would take for your eyes to get stuck in your brain with the amount of times you rolled them at Ransom.

He led you towards the door, smirking. "You ready?"

"No. Let's go."

—

"Fuck, baby."

He spent a few moments just staring at your spread pussy, amazed and aching for you more than he ever ached for anything.

"Don't you know why I want you to see it, Ransom?"

Ransom just shook his head without taking his eyes off the your pneumatic body.

"Because it's yours," you sighed. "All yours, baby. You're the one I've been keeping it nice and fresh for."

"Fuck," he muttered.

He kept staring at you, waiting for you to rub you pussy again, but you didn't. You just kept holding it spread.

"Don't you wanna taste me, Ransom?" you purred, barely above a whisper. "C'mon, baby, please. I want you to lick it so bad. I love you so much and I want to give you everything that belongs to you."

The playboy was all but paralyzed by your words. He finally dragged his eyes off your open pussy and looked at your face. You were staring back at him with a glazed look in your eyes. His solid cock was pulsing hard in the tight grip of his fist. No girl had ever looked at him the way you were at that very moment, yet at the same time, he knew you were playing with the hottest kind of fire there was.

"Sweetheart, you know this wasn't the deal." he whispered, distracted.

You smirked. "But you still won."

He finished the thought by leaning down and sliding his tongue up and over your generously offered pussy. You pulled in a sharp gasp when Ransom's tongue lit up your heavily tingling pussy. Your hips rolled instantly in response, your gasps turning to moans while Ransom eagerly slathered his tongue all around your creamily delicious slit. He soon focused his attention on your clit and slipped a finger up inside your hole at the same time.

The man's finger curled and twisted inside you, searching for you g spot while he suckled and lapped at your fully swollen clit. You could barely form words as you gasped and moaned, your luscious body now writhing with desire.

Your pussy oozed heavily the more he licked and fingered you. Your cream was sweet, tangy and intensely intoxicating. Ransom probed at your hole with his finger and the tip of his tongue at the same time, but he soon drew his soaking wet finger out of your hole and wedged it between your ass cheeks, searching for your puckered rimhole.

You gasped deeply and lifted your legs up higher, giving Ransom better access to your asshole. He massaged your tight bud with his honey-coated finger and made deep, hungry love to your pussy with his mouth.

"God god god god, Ransom!" you cried, your hips rolling harder and harder against the man's mouth and finger.

Your body went tense for a few moments and then relaxed. Ransom backed off and watched you languish after your orgasm, pausing briefly to catch your breath. Then you shifted your body and took the hem of your outfit into your hands and peeled it off over your head. Ransom pulled off his T shirt and slid over on top of your luscious body, grinding his rock-hard cock against your pussy as he lowered himself to kiss you.

You whimpered while Ransom's chest mashed down against your heavy, naked tits. They felt amazing against his body, and he was beyond reason when the your mouth opened and set your tongue into motion against his.

Ransom had never kissed any girl so hard or hungrily in his life. Nor had any kissed him back the way you had. At the same time, you were grinding your slick, wet pussy against his cock as hard as he was grinding against you. Then he squeezed his hands in between them and grasped at your tits, kneading them eagerly with his strong hands.

He released your mouth and said," Baby girl, reach down there and put my cock inside you for me. I need that pussy bad, but I can't bring myself to let go of these fantastic tits now that I finally have my hands on them."

You giggled happily and kissed him again while you worked your hands down between your naked bodies. Finally, you got one hand on your pussy and spreading yourself open while you wrapped the other around Ransom's thick cock.

"Oh geezus, fuck, Ransom, you're so fucking hard," you cooed. "Oh god fuck me deep."

You tucked Ransom's cock head into your wet maw and he began grinding his shaft deeper into your sheath. Your pussy felt so tight and creamy, and you both groaned as his rock-hard flesh gradually filled your body. You looked at each other in disbelief, even though nothing had ever felt more right or natural.

Ransom growled as he began to pump his cock in and out of your spectacular body with long strokes. His grip on your tits went tighter and he lowered his head to suck and lick on your swollen nipples.

You whimpered with pleasure, wrapping your legs around his hips and grinding your pussy hard against his thrusting cock. It wasn't long before he was straining to hold on and keep fucking you deep and hard. You didn't make it any easier because of the way you were moaning and your cunt squeezed his pounding cock every time you came.

Finally, Ransom raised himself up on his hands while he pumped your succulent pussy hole as hard and fast as he could, watching your pretty face twist with pleasure while your tits heaved with the force of his lunging body.

"Gimme your cum, baby. I want it in me...fuck!"

With a final, frenzied volley of full body thrusts, Ransom's pulsing cock exploded in your pussy, filling you with a hot flow of jetting spunk.

After, they spent a long time kissing while Ransom caressed the your beautiful tits. He kept his cock buried inside you until his flesh finally started to relax.

You fell asleep in each other's arms, and Ransom knew he had the girl he always needed right there with him. He had been right, all the sarcastic comments and stupid fights had been worth it.

In the morning, Ransom awoke from a haze of dreams to look down and find you lying between his legs with your lips sliding up and down his swollen cock. When you realized he was awake and watching you, you released his big cock from your mouth, giving his shaft a long lick before greeting him.

"Merry Christmas, Ransom."

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Love You Now

"I think kids should grow up where it snows, you got sledding, you got snowball fights, you know? If we have two kids then we each get one on our own team...I mean threes okay too, I mean the more the merrier right?"

The fresh powdery snow blanketed the ground around them, it had been falling heavily since noon but that hasn't stopped the Karevs from enjoying their day off in the snow, they'd spent the morning using the unused baking trays that they had received as housewarming gifts back when Robin was first born as sleds. For the onlookers it was hard to tell who the parents were, as Alex and Jo had taken to racing each other, leaving their kids to watch their parents with utter embarrassment.

"Okay tap it gently P and then with any luck we should have…" Alex leant in ticking his daughter's sides as she patted the bucket softly, warmth flooding through his body as her giggles rang out across the back yard. "...the best snow castle ever made."

Leaning around her, he gently lifted the bucket up to reveal a perfectly built snow castle.

"Mommy look we made Elsa's castle," Peyton squealed in delight, whirling around to see Jo standing in the back doorway, a steaming cup of hot chocolate in her hands as she watched them play.

"You guys made snow castles without me?" Jo whispered in disbelief, faking a pout as she made her way over to them leaving her drink on the snow-covered BBQ she leant down beside Alex, his arm automatically wrapping around her as Peyton began filling another bucket full of snow enthusiastically.

"Snooze you lose" Alex grins, nuzzling his ice-cold nose against her neck, making her shiver. Pushing him away she ignores the smirk on his face as she scans the garden wondering where their eldest had got to, it was far too quiet for her liking.

"Erm Alex, couldn't you have watched both of them?" Jo groans catching sight of Robin at the end of the garden in what she'd politely call a compromising position.

Alex's eyebrows wrinkle as he follows Jo's gaze, chuckling as he sees his son peeing in the snow, rolling his eyes at the young boy's antics.

"Dad, look I can go on my own!" Robin cries, turning towards Jo and Alex a proud grin stretched across his face.

"That's my boy!" Alex cheered, fist-pumping the air, feeling a handful of snow hit his face, the ice droplets dripping down his top, as he turned back to see his wife's scowling face.

"What?" He shrugged, he was proud, he couldn't tell you the number of times he had to stand right by his son's side because he refused to go on his own.

"He's peeing in the snow" Jo exclaims, gesturing back to their son, a bewildered look on her face as she looks between her son and husband who were sporting matching smirks.

"Yeah but all by himself..." Alex protests, brushing the snow from his face, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown like he didn't understand why Jo was mad.

"Yeah well, Mrs Mclusky is staring at us" Jo hisses, nodding her head towards the next-door neighbours garden and sure enough there the old bat was, face pressed against the window as she narrowed her eyes on the Karevs in disgust.

"You want him to write ya name? Mind ya business" Alex yells, making the lady jump as she lets the curtains fall. The nosy old bat was always sticking her nose in where it wasn't wanted, she already told Jo this morning how nice it would be if she was always at home with her children instead of working.

"And you wonder why they don't like us…" Jo mutters, shaking her head as she smiles down at Peyton helping the little one line her Elsa dolls up against the castle.

Alex ignores her, whistling at the dog that had been happily barking at the birds at the bottom of the garden, "I think that boat sailed when Maverick got into her guinea pig enclosure…" he says, as Maverick comes bounding towards them bypassing Alex for Jo as he sticks his little wet nose against her leg.

"He thought they were toys...didn't you? My tiny little murder." Jo mumbles, rubbing Mavericks belly as the dog rolled over in delight.

"Can you eat snow?" Peyton wonders, holding a handful out towards Alex, her little face scrunching up underneath her woolly hat, it was far too big for her but Helen insisted Karev babies always had big heads so every year a hat way too big would be sent out.

"No"

"Sure"

"Well as long as it's not yellow." Alex shrugs, gesturing towards where Robin had so kindly done his business before receiving a sharp elbow to the ribs from Jo who shakes her head at him in disbelief.

Suddenly the baby monitor lights up, the cries of the youngest Karev flowing through it.

"I'll get her…" Jo says already rising to her feet as Maverick barks at her, nipping at her boots, upset he no longer has her attention. "Are you coming in with me?" she smiles, lifting him up into her arms as if he was her baby.

"You should stop carrying him…" Alex quips, groaning at the sight of his wife rocking the dog in her arms, chatting away to him in that sickly sweet voice she reserved for babies only. "Dogs aren't meant to be this pampered."

"Earthquake!"

All of a sudden Robin is bursting through the set of snow castles lined up, roaring like a dinosaur as he kicks his way through sending the snow flying.

"What the fuck?" Shrieks Peyton as she stares down at the collapsed pile of snow by her feet.

"Peyton…" Alex warns, narrowing his eyes on her, he didn't have a leg to stand on. She definitely learnt that from him but he really tried to discourage her from saying it since the whole end of year play disaster.

Peyton growls shoving Robin down into the snow, for a four-year-old she had some serious strength but so did her brother, next thing Alex's knows they were wrestling in the snow, clawing at each other through their gloves.

"Hey hey stop...stop" Alex cries, pulling them both up by their hoods, a scowl on his face as he inserts himself in between them. "Guys we can all go back inside if you can't get along." Alex doesn't shout at the kids often but when he does it means business.

Sighing the guilt sets in almost immediately at he stares down at their faces, logically he knows all parents yell and tell their kids off but every time he does he can't help but feel that step closer to being his father, and no matter what Jo says he can't seem to pull himself out of that funk. "Come here okay...you wanna fight this out there's only one way to do it….snowball fight!" He grins, kneeling down, wrapping his arms around both his babies, laughing as they leap out his grip, their fight completely forgotten as the head to separate sides of the garden.

"What the hell is that?" He whines, as Jo emerges back in the doorway, Alessia attached to her hip although you could barely see her through the fur wrapped around her head that seemed to be bigger than herself.

"It's her snowsuit," Jo answers, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Honestly every time I think you can't possibly traumatise our kids anymore you outdo yourself…"

"I do not..." Jo protests, waving her hand at him dismissively as she plops Alessia down in the snow much to her dismay as her little nose crinkles up, "I'm gonna get a pic for your mom." Jo informs Alex, as she pulls her phone out, smiling brightly at Alessia, hoping the little one will copy her, but all she gets back is the signature Karev grumpy face. "Oh...oh we should also get a picture of them all in the jumpers she sent as well, that will be good."

"She looks ridiculous" Alex growls, lifting Lessy up away from Jo's photoshoot, he bounces her gently, she's still a little sleepy from her nap as she lays her head against Alex's neck.

"You're a hater" Jo scowls, snapping a photo of the pair, beaming with satisfaction as she leans forwards rubbing the baby's back gently "Daddy is boring...yes he is, he is a grumpy old man," she mumbles, lifting Alessia out of Alex's arms she continues to babble away in baby talk until she feels something hit her in the back. Whirling round to find both Robin and Peyton wide-eyed standing upright, their hands hidden behind their backs. "Hey...I'm holding precious cargo you can't throw snowballs at me."

"Put Lessy down and we can make it a fair fight old lady" Alex challenges, raising his eyebrows at her, as he glances over towards Robin and Peyton, winking at them as he watches them slowly reveal the snowballs they'd been hiding behind their backs.

"Oh no, you did just not call me an old lady?... That's it" Jo snaps, still gobsmacked he had the audacity to bring her age up. Narrowing her eyes on Alex, she decides this means war as she settles Alessia down in the sandpit, making sure she's safe. "Here baby you're gonna sit here in this snowy sandpit and mommy is gonna go destroy daddy okay?"

Turning around she finds Alex is already prepared, snowball in hand, practically jumping in anticipation as he waits for Jo to move away from Alessia. "You ready?"

"Oh it is on Karev"

"Robin" Alex calls, gesturing for his son to join him as he heads towards the treehouse at the end of the garden.

"Peyton" Jo cries, grabbing her daughter's hand as they move further away from the boys.

"It's a fight to the death!" Robin calls, poking his tongue out at the girls as he climbs the ladder up to the treehouse.

Alex smiles awkwardly, the enthusiasm was appreciated if not a little intense. "No, no it's a fight until the girls' surrender."

"Which will be never, will it P?" Jo snorts, one hand her hip as she throws a snowball up in the air.

"Yeah losers"

"Prepare to die"

"Robin…" Alex grimaces, shaking his head at his son as he continues to pile up snowballs behind the tree and pass them up to him.

"Prepare to feel ice in your pants!" The young boy screeches, throwing a warning shot down near the garden table which the girls were now using as a shield.

Alex laughs, as he climbs the ladder to join him. "Yeah prepare to feel ice in your pants."

And like that they're off, the war was on as snowballs went pelting across the garden, laughter from both sides could be heard from the end of the street.

Alex watches Jo as he rounds another snowball in his hands, she crouches down using the table as a shield while she gathers more snow for herself. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Peyton charging at Robin, it happens in slow motion, she slips suddenly, her little legs flying as she lands on her back with a thump.

Alex is over in a flash, dad mode taking over as he hovers above her, searching for any sign of injury as his little girl's face screws up, hot tears springing from her eyes.

"Daddy" she whimpers, her little hands reaching out for him.

"P...P baby are you okay?"

Umph. Alex feels a heavyweight against his back as Jo wraps her arms around him tackling him to the ground. He'd been played. He can hear Peyton laughing as she cheers her mom on from the side. Alex growls as he rolls them over so he's got the upper hand, yelping when he feels Jo's hand slip below the waistband of his joggers, the cold snowball she had in her hand seeping through his boxers making him hiss.

"That'll cause some shrinkage," Jo smirks, raising her eyebrows at him as she rolls him back over so she's straddling him.

"Pfft, you wanna see?" Alex snorts, grabbing hold of her hand that's still placed dangerously close to his so-called shrinkage.

"We have children present" Jo mumbles, looking up as she high fives Peyton.

Groaning Alex sits up with Jo still seated in his lap, she just about hears him mumble that's she a tease before Robin wraps his arms around Alex from behind, both hands filled with snow hitting Jo squarely in the face, both boys laughing as she splutters in surprise.

Leaning over Alex grins kissing her lips, the powdery snow melting from their heat as he feels Robin's hands smack against his cheeks.

"That is disgusting" He cries, his little gloved hand slipping in between Alex and Jo.

"You're gonna wanna kiss girls one day Robin," Alex warns, flipping Robin over his shoulder gently.

"Or boys" Jo chimes in, as Alex settles Robin in between them reaching out to ruffle her son's hair.

"Or boys" Alex agrees.

"No I don't wanna kiss anyone ever" Robin pouts, wriggling out of Alex's grip, he was six going sixteen and he hated nothing more than being his parents baby boy.

"Me either!" Peyton chimes in, plopping herself down on Jo's lap, her arms wrapping around Jo's waist as Robin begins to bury them both with snow, still determined to win the war they'd started.

Grinning Alex rises from the grass, wiping the snow off him as he turns his attention to his littlest baby who had been happily watching from the safety of the currently snowy sandpit, squealing in delight when Alex heads towards her, she's a definite daddy's girl. "That's good cause you aren't allowed and neither are you baby girl" He coos, lifting her up into his arms, pulling down the ridiculous hood Jo had put her in.

"I'm not gonna kiss any boys, or get married" Peyton informs them, her little face scrunched up with disgust at the thought as Robin continues to pat snow over her and Jo's legs.

"That's right" Alex nodded, squatting down to show Alessia the snow, she had just turned one and pretty much hated anything that wasn't her daddy's arms.

"I won't do anything at all...I won't even get a job."

"Well, I'm glad to see that backfired…" Jo chuckles as Peyton kicks her legs out crashing through the snow chasing after Robin who was heading back towards the treehouse.

"That's not what I said P I just said no boys," Alex calls after her, his eyes widening as he looks at Jo, he just wanted no boyfriends he didn't want degenerates.

Rolling her eyes, Jo laughs as she reaches for Alex to help pull her up. "Hey, you guys wanna build a snowman before it gets too dark?"

"Can we build one as big as dad?"

"No… but we can build one bigger!"

-

It's a while later when Alex finds himself squished into his and Jo's bed, Alessia starfished out at the end of the bed, her soft snores echoing around as the ending credits of Toy Story play on the screen, Peyton and Robin pressed into his and Jo's side both exhausted from the days' activities.

Life is pretty hectic for them, they don't get many days where it's just the five (six if you're counting Maverick) of them uninterrupted, but when they do Alex is always struck by how lucky he is to have found Jo, to have created this family with her. They were far from perfect and maybe their kids did pee in the snow, and have potty mouths and maybe their dog was a homicidal maniac but they were happier then Alex could have ever imagined he would be.

"Oh no…" Jo whispers, a lazy smile stretching across her lips as she looks over at him.

"What?"

"I know that look."

"You do?"

"Mhmm, you're gonna say something soppy like I love you." She nods, her sleepy eyes fluttering shut as she snuggled further into his neck.

"I do love you," Alex grins, pressing a light kiss to her forehead, untangling his arm from underneath Peyton slowly as to not wake her, so he could slip his hands under Jo's top, skimming across her hips, making her squirm.

"Your hands are cold" Jo moans, her face scrunching up as she protests but she's trapped between him and Robin.

"I know, that's why I'm warming them up," Alex smirks, his hands sneaking dangerously close to her bra. He's teasing, she knows but his teasing is the reason they now have three kids taking up space in the bed.

"I love you too by the way" she grumbles, nudging his head back with her nose so she can see his face, her lips finding his instantly. "Even if you are an old man and I'm a young spring chicken" she mumbles against his lip, making Alex snort as she presses a row kisses along his jawline, he wasn't the only one that could tease.

"Stop kissing, it's gross" Robin grumbles, still half asleep as he rolls over Jo, squishing himself in between his parents.

"You're gross" Alex mimics, as they both lean down pressing kisses all over the boy's face as he groans in protest, it's a second later when P is up, climbing onto Alex's chest, careful to mind the baby as she wraps her arms around Alex smacking her lips against his cheek.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This one-shot is dedicated to Nat (HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL)

It was really hard to write just fluff, so I won't do that again anytime soon.

But also this is part of my What Could’ve Been universe, so the kids are diffrent to the ones I usually write on here. 

Thanks for reading.

(the snowsuit)

[punkscowardschampions]

China & America

China: [After School] China: Where are you? China: You left your clothes on the bathroom floor and he's threatening to ✂ them up and she's just sitting there nodding America: ✂💳 after buying new 👌 China: Hilarious China: but you'd have to pry his wallet out his tight arse first and he's waving the ✂ about like right now America: 😐 America: terrorist negotiations are a no no China: Oh, believe me, if he knew you were on the 📞 he'd be straight on to shout at you himself America: if he wants me to walk around naked that's his damage America: she's guaranteed not sitting there 😶 when I do China: They're your best jeans China: you already don't have enough decent gear, you're seriously going to risk it? America: they'll be my best denim cut offs America: I don't come running for him China: Because it's not freezing 11 months and a half out of the year, Ricky China: I don't either but like fuck would I let him trash any of my stuff America: move us 🏝🧉 Gaz 👏 China: You want to fake as delusional as her? China: Fine, I'll be the only one living in reality, trying to talk some sense back into the woman and stopping him from ruining literally everything we've got America: back into? America: you've got jokes China: Please China: She was never this bad before China: or at least for this long, it'd be three weeks max of the lovesick bit and then she'd always come back and be mam again America: from your 🏰 that's the view China: There's nothing about this house that's castle like but he's definitely taken the only appeals it had away China: you miss having the parties and the hangs too America: they're still happening America: Gaz doesn't run the 🌏 America: can't roll out of 🛏 onto a dance floor but it's not 😢 China: But it was better when we could throw them China: and there was no rules around here, period China: You're just giving him reason to stay, the man's a raving lunatic, instead of saying no tah it's like his new cause to fix this family and save us both China: Must've been a fucking general in a past life America: there still aren't, his don't count America: & you're not giving him a reason to fucking go so 🤫 China: You say that but any time we have to be here China: and we do, at least some of the time, we can't do what we always did before and he's calling the shots China: I'm trying to figure out what the hell that would look like, what are you doing? America: watch me America: I'll throw a party right now China: Really China: Good luck with that China: Jesus, he'll lock you up, you know he will, if he doesn't do worse beforehand America: What's Daddy Garry gonna do? Hit me? America: They'd lock him up America: & his head'll 🤯 before mine does China: You don't remember some of the boyfriends she's had China: it's not funny, for fuck's sake China: I want my life back America: the trauma hasn't run deep enough to give me memory loss & you're not old enough to play that card America: it can be anything I want, it's my life America: I remember when we had live laugh love on the kitchen wall China: You know what? China: Let him rip up all your sketty clothes China: you're being selfish, why should I help you America: now the 👖 don't know whose side you're on America: they were THE BEST when you wanted me to come back China: I'm on the side of this family China: but you only care about yourself, apparently America: you're on your own side America: you care about having your life back, not what mine looks like China: I'm the one here arguing with him for your stuff right now China: and I just want things back how they were, for all of us China: him gone and her like an actual person with thoughts and emotions about anything that ain't what he wants America: you said yourself he won't leave if I act any kind of way America: he's crusading America: & I don't look old enough to get high enough to do a mam impression America: what do you fucking expect me to do, Chi? China: Help me work this out! China: Together China: you're still here, you don't get to wash your hands of it and ignore it like Zsa does because it doesn't really matter to her China: as long as he isn't hitting any of us and maybe even then, who the fuck knows with her America: don't ! at me America: if it were that simple, togetherness could get fucked China: It ain't, that's the whole problem and what no one else seems to grasp right now China: we act up, he's got more cause to stay and get progressively worse until we can't do anything and go anywhere China: we do what he wants and stay in line, he'll probably get such a boner he'll try to marry her and adopt us America: the audacity of me taking a 🚿 in my own home China: I know China: why is he not telling her to do more washing? America: be a controlling fuckwit but make it useful America: you could be wayyyyyyyy more productive with this, sir China: I'm not saying that's right either but it's all about how WE have no respect China: she's stopped doing anything that isn't doing her 💅💄👗 for him and we're meant to do it all, apparently America: Mam has respect for his 💪🍆🍑 China: 🤮 China: It goes without saying, but he's literally fuck ugly America: but I DEMAND it's said America: he needs to know on the regs China: He's got this one wrinkle on his forehead that's so deep I reckon it could hold a ✎ China: I hate him America: if you put your 💄 in there next time he's 😪💻 , I'll let you use a DIFFERENT ONE on me China: Alright China: I'll use one of hers America: would she end it if he had 0 hair? America: or eyebrows China: His hairline is dead and she acts like she don't notice China: It's like a spell, or something America: I know someone who'd come over for a face tattoo America: or 🍆🍑 if that's all she cares about China: You do not China: and he doesn't have enough of either to cover, shh America: I do TOO China: Who? America: Si is bored enough without your parties he bought a tattoo gun online China: Oh God China: do not do it he'll be so bad, never mind the hepatitis America: & he's dyslexic China: 😂 China: I can't wait to see what bullshit he decides to misspell on himself then America: [sends her some pics because imagine] China: He's so lame China: I can't believe Gary has wrecked my chance with Jake America: his da is a fuckwit too you'd think he'd be more understanding China: like I wanna tell him anything about this China: it's shaming enough we can't throw the parties no more and everyone knows why America: he's part of the everyone, he already knows China: doesn't mean I want to go and cry about it China: I've got some pride, thank you America: he should have some America: never throws a party at his own house China: That was one of the only things we had going for us America: weakkk America: you have things going for you, ask mam when she recovers from this illness China: Okay, the main thing China: but he's going to start going out with Lucie now instead, I know it America: Lucie's been out with half his friends before him America: not a ringing endorsement, like China: Yeah, she's a right slag, and she'll do it anywhere so she don't even need the free house America: get nan out of hers, she'd do it for the sake of your love life China: We have bigger problems China: sort that one and the rest will fall back into place, yeah America: biggest problem that we don't know how to sort it America: I'll get him to hurt me 🚨🚔 we're almost there China: That's not a solution China: and they won't do fuck all about it until it's serious China: too serious to control America: is if it works America: we know he wants to throw me out the window with the 👖 America: & maybe all the boys will think I'm into some hardcore bdsm shit China: Shut up you don't know anything about that America: 👌 Jake's vanilla that's a shame China: You're 12 and that's not the kind of reputation you want or are gonna have China: that's for girls like Lucie who have fuck all else to offer so they have to go hard with that degrading shit America: told you there was more on offer from us than a free house 😛 America: but stop walking into all my traps that easy China: You're such a dick 🙄😏 China: I didn't mean that was all but fucking hell, it was clearly a big draw China: so many people are airing me right now America: you know who doesn't care about parties? America: the people you air China: Who??? America: [a list which obvs includes Bobby and Libi on it and probably Beck as well] China: So you're just going to list every random loser in school for what? America: 😐 America: & you're gonna kid yourself that there's not at least 3 boys on there hotter than Jake America: get out of your fucking ⬛ China: it's not JUST about hot though, is it China: it's all the rest America: what else has Jake got? China: He's cool America: he's not cool enough to throw a party for you America: you're bored China: I am bored right now America: What's the point of Gaz if he doesn't take her anywhere anymore? America: why's she not bored? China: Yeah get this China: they're talking about redecorating America: what.the.fuck. China: I know China: it's looked like this our entire lives because she can't afford it China: now he thinks he can come in and whitewash everything America: remember when that one before offered to put up a roll of wallpaper and she looked at him like he said he wanted to beat you to death with it America: she'd let Gary kill us China: say goodbye to live laugh love China: it'll be RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT America: he needs to fuck off or I am China: Where to China: no one's got a sofa comfy enough or the desire to do any more than offer a night America: I know plenty of people I can get to desire me China: 🖕 China: not falling for it again so soon America: no 🕷🕸 America: they're not people I want, I didn't say that China: That's not a solution, again China: this is our house China: and our mam China: we need to sort it America: I know China: I can't think around them though China: I need to get out America: meet me [wherever the hell she is rn] China: Okay China: as I have nowhere else to be rn America: bring me a jacket China: assuming you've got one left after his tantrum China: that WILL be resumed, when you're relocated 🙄 America: if he's that desperate to text me China: He's that desperate to shout 'til he looks like a 🍅 America: 😋🤤 China: If you liked it or him at all, you'd be here America: I'm waiting here for you America: with ☕ China: I'm on my way America: I'll text Jake to be here & 🏃👌 China: You will not America: you wanna see him & you're not gonna hit send China: Because I have dignity, I don't know why that's a foreign concept to you China: and I don't even want to see him America: you do, you're losing it that he doesn't wanna see you China: Don't be dramatic on my behalf China: and getting my little sister to beg for me, that's hardly going to win anyone over America: I was gonna pretend to be you China: Ha! China: I'd love to see that, not America: party trick America: if we ever have one again China: If anyone wants to come by the time we've worked this out, it'll be a miracle America: it is getting 🥱 China: Seriously China: not getting aired for no reason America: you should listen to me about nan America: have one there China: The only person who would have a party at their nans house is Libi Foley America: it is mint there China: 🙄 America: it is China: Why? She got a trampoline? 👌 America: getting low if you're getting jealous America: [but whatever pics or vids we have from being there however many times we have like] China: I don't know what you reckon is cool in [whatever year they're in] these days America: her 🏠 America: some of her friends America: but I think I scared her off China: Well forget her China: She thinks she's something special but she's so not America: you're not describing her China: Sure China: If she's making you feel shitty she's hardly the 😇 everyone thinks she is America: how did you twist it to be her fault from what I said? America: 🤯 China: You aren't scary, she can't hang America: she didn't have you green lighting her on what cool is America: that's why I can China: She's super immature America: that shit must fly cos she's super well liked too China: With other people on your list, maybe America: you know she's got friends on friends, we don't have to downplay it America: it's not gonna make us feel a new way about any of the 💩 going on China: Literally why are we talking about her China: I've got so much more on my mind America: You brought her up to veto nan's house as a party place America: cos you don't want her to hate you too China: It isn't a party place, she's an old lady China: that would be so lame China: she doesn't have a boyfriend, where are we sending her? America: bingo America: use Zsa's flat then, she has a boyfriend, he's all she ever talks about China: Her tiny one bed China: I could have a few main people, potentially America: Princess and the pea isn't a sexy story America: if you're gonna kick it like that with Jake he will fuck Lucie in the PE block China: That's his prerogative if he wants to catch herpes America: everything doesn't have to be perfect America: you 🔊 like Gary China: If Asia is going to stop talking to me, it needs to at least be worth it America: you could trash the place and she'd think she did it 🔎 for her fake gucci belt China: 🙄 China: at least we don't have to worry about her man lasting America: ✂️💖 China: I don't know why they do it America: what are you doing with Jake? China: I'm not China: not like them America: I don't believe you China: Well first off, he's actually decent looking and cool China: and that's the difference China: Gary isn't, and whatshisname isn't either China: and I'm not throwing myself at him America: he isn't cool to me America: if it was so different you'd care about that China: How is he not? America: 🤡 China: What the hell does that mean? America: he thinks he's funny and he's not China: You don't have to think he is China: you're not interested and he's not interested in you China: that's a bit different to Gary fucking up our lives and taking over our mam America: he doesn't need to talk about me ever then China: I'm sure he won't...? America: 😐 China: He's not talking about either of us right now America: 🎊🎉 China: Happy for you America: I'd be happy for you if you used the Gary situation to get a boyfriend who's less of a dick China: Like who? China: [list boys from that list] China: LOL America: 🖕 America: [because we know the boy she likes is on that list honey] China: Who do you fancy then? America: dream on, shady bitch America: I'm not revealing my secrets now China: 😂 China: Omg go on China: I'll work it out America: if Gaz keeps treating me like a little girl without the choking, spitting in my mouth or giving me euros to spend, it's not gonna matter America: he'll think I'm immature China: You're such a dick China: but he's older then China: narrows it down America: as old as you, not as old as daddy Gary China: Well I can work out who it isn't then America: you've got other shit to prioritise China: You should get a boyfriend your own age America: I'm not getting one China: When you do, then America: when I do I won't be doing a poll of our year America: he's fun that's why I like him America: the 2 years aren't what's making me 🤤 China: What's fun mean America: he can hang China: I know who it is America: happy for you China: He's okay, I guess China: if you like that sort of thing America: what the hell does that mean? China: He's a bit China: but if you like him America: a bit? China: Annoying China: but you don't have to see him around school America: I thought you had a real concern! China: I'm not mam, we've still got one China: I just don't think he's cute but he's not like, the worst China: I don't know why he hangs around with who he does though, maybe he's weird America: Jake is who you think is cute & cool so 🤫 China: He's the hottest boy in my year China: who isn't like, the preppy sporty type America: & he acts like it America: talking down to everyone China: You're dramatic America: 😐 America: he is, behaving like 👑 China: You're acting like I'm married to him, for starters China: we were never even officially going out America: cos he wants to fuck around & find out who else is 🤤 China: He can do what he likes America: with Lucie & you won't care at.all. China: 🖕 America: me getting 🍆 could bring mam out of her coma China: If she finds out before Gary China: that might actually be a decent way to look into it China: 'cos clearly, 👑 has failed to save us all America: 👌 I'll do what I can China: all you have to do is heavily hint you are, in the 0.2 milliseconds he leaves her alone America: I'll stand on the 🚽 while she's 🛁 China: Take a piss test China: that should trigger the fear response America: they're expensive America: be going in Gaz's wallet again China: nah, you can get them for a euro in dealz China: market for the skanky slags like Lucie, duh America: I'll go after school tomorrow, he won't be leaving her alone tonight after ✂👖 China: Ew China: I'm definitely finding somewhere else to be America: seconded China: This is ridiculous China: Nan's going to get fed up of us crashing at hers America: that day came a month in China: but like, fed up to the point he'll talk her out of letting us because we should 'be at home' or whatever the fuck China: 🕠 running out America: What a flirty little game of 🐈 & 🐁 America: game on, Gaz China: 🙄 China: We've got no choice so, yeah America: Where are you gonna go? China: 🤷 China: I don't know America: come with me China: Where are you going? America: When you've got nowhere else, 3rd degree questioning's pointless China: Why is it hard to answer a question? America: I don't have an answer yet China: Right China: well, whatever then America: whatever yes or whatever no? China: So you need a dedicated answer, do you? China: You invited me, shouldn't make any difference if I do or don't come, as you've got no idea where you're going America: & you think my pretend babydaddy is annoying China: He very literally is China: if you wanna talk about thinking you're funny, Jesus America: he has a basis for it America: he's got jokes that aren't about what every girl at school looks like China: He's got adhd China: I think America: When he said he was on 💊s not what I thought he meant China: He must have it bad he's so twitchy still China: and he never shuts up China: which is probably why he's friends with the deaf kid America: I take it back, you and Jake are well suited 🤡 China: What? That's not a joke China: it just makes literal sense China: he's so loud America: You're being a dick China: Oh I am not China: it's not like I'm saying it to his face America: you know I like his face & you're saying it to me China: Well you know I like Jake and you're being a dick about him so in that case, we'd be even America: he can help having a shitty personality, that's not the same as an adhd diagnosis China: okay then China: an excuse to have prescribed speed America: what's your excuse for not calling the deaf kid by his name? China: Why does it matter? China: You knew who I meant America: it matters that you're back in your 🏰 China: 🙄 Shut up China: again, not talking to him, just you America: no shit, you don't talk to anyone outside of your ⬛ America: just me China: We're sisters so China: we have to talk, so sorry America: I know how to do a smoky eye & take a drink, that's your main criteria for what a cool girl is China: You wish America: it's not something I'm prioritising pre or post Gary America: you're stuck with me anyway China: And you're stuck with me China: at the minute, that's basically all we've got China: Zsa is literally not taking it in, no surprise there China: and nan is drinking the kool-aid on him now so America: I'll bring mam back with my 🤰 it'll be fine China: **fake 🤰 America: I assumed that was clear cos of having no real 🍆 inside of me before tomorrow America: Gary probably doesn't want to kiss & make up like that, I'm only 12 China: What do you mean tomorrow? America: assuming I do the test in front of her then China: Don't require you to actually do the deed, idiot China: s'all fake, we don't need you to go have a fake abortion, Jesus America: I'm just saying we don't need to waste time typing out a distinction like **fake when it's obvious China: Don't be a twat, I was just saying China: you're so bloody pedantic today, my God America: Don't be putting some kind of tempting fate 🤰 hex on me before I've even done anything with any boys China: Don't be a little slag and nothing will happen China: not going to be me or fate doing anything about it, you're in control America: right now Gary is America: 🚫🍆 China: It's about more than that America: I know China: You don't get it America: What don't I get? China: I've lost loads of friends China: maybe all of them America: you'll get them back the parties are America: when* China: yeah America: I'm fixing it China: **WE are America: did you save my 👖? China: Yea China: I put a load of washing on China: so now you're gonna owe me a thank you China: didn't know what else to do, he likes pitting us against each other I reckon America: I bought you ☕ ungrateful bitch China: UM, I meant you're going to owe me a grovelling thank you arselick because Gary says so China: I'm behaving and you're not, right now, cheeky cow China: anyway, I'm nearly there so don't fucking bin it America: I'll put washing on when my newborn is sleeping China: Fucking hell 😂 China: It's tragic, isn't it China: I can't think of anything more tragic China: poor mam China: poor nan America: how old do you have to be before they let you get sterilised? China: Oh, so old China: tell 'em you want to live off the state forever and have 14 of 'em and maybe they'll change their fucking mind America: Gary would do it for me if he was any fucking use China: If you ever really get pregnant, the botched abortion would do it America: I'll pitch the idea to my 1st boyfriend China: Good luck America: we're in the right place 🍀 China: Are we? China: Doesn't feel like it America: for a backstreet foetus killing scheme anyway China: Whatever brightside, I guess America: you sound as tired as I feel America: how early did he wake you? I think it was still fully dark out China: I swear, only solid he's done me China: loads of time to do a full hair and make-up routine America: What classes do you even have with Jake? Like 2 China: Oh, so now just 'cos I don't want to look like a bag of shit that's all about him too? China: Are you sure YOU aren't like them? China: Ugh America: you don't look like 💩 America: it's about him if you suddenly think you do China: I don't think that I just China: I'm not winning anyone back 'round if I do America: it's about the lack of parental supervision not your lack of split ends America: on every level you know that China: It is not China: that's a big part of it, but it is not all of it America: if it's not all of it where are they all? China: There's plenty of boys who care about pretty China: even if Jake isn't one of them China: if I have a desirable boyfriend, that's fucking something America: Jake does care about pretty, that's his main priority America: & why he's a dick to me China: You should've said China: you fancy him America: I'd fuck Gary before him, you delusional cow China: Ha, okay China: you're the one who's so hung up on how he treats you China: I'm so sorry he doesn't fancy you back but I'm actually not because you know I like him America: cos I want you to give a shit that your not boyfriend is like bullying me China: Wow, bullying now, really? America: you're asking for me to throw this ☕ at you China: I won't even come if you're going to be this China: melodramatic China: what do you mean bullying you? America: I mean every party you've thrown he's said something unnecessary to me China: Can you be more specific or America: can you not take my fucking word for it? China: Well not really China: like, if he's just made some passing comments it's not really bullying, is it America: 😐 America: 👌 make excuses for him & keep telling me you're doing things different China: For God's sake China: since when are you so sensitive? America: I've kept my mouth shut until literally now China: As you said, literally, he's joking America: I'm tired & I've typed the name Jake more times than I've ever wanted to China: You can't just accuse people of shit they haven't done China: if it was that simple, we'd say Gary was touching us and ta-da, problem solved America: I'll go down that route if the 🤰 fails China: It's not a fucking joke China: fuck this America: it is if you think I'm living like this for the next 6 years minimum China: You think 4 makes it any more palatable? America: telling a lie to get rid of him is the least of what I'm prepared to do China: I can't think straight right now China: save your ☕ I'm gonna go somewhere else America: Chi China: It's fine America: you're basically here China: I'm going China: I've got plans now America: you do not China: I do now America: with who? China: None of your business America: with who China: Who do you think China: happy now? America: what.the.fuck. China: Leave it alone America: Have you been talking to him all along? China: No, actually China: though I'm sure you won't believe me America: can't believe a word any of you say America: I hope he gives you herpes China: Nice America: You're not, why should I? China: You started this China: and for your information, I've never slept with him, or anyone else America: I did NOT China: then you got in my head America: not on purpose China: I've got my own life America: that wasn't in question China: I don't need your pity America: I don't feel sorry for you China: Good America: I'm fine too, thanks for asking China: You've got friends, who don't just use you for parties China: as you've been so keen to rub in America: & you're calling me over sensitive China: Joke all you lie China: k* America: you think Jake's are better China: Yeah, I do America: 👌🍆😗 China: Jealous much America: LOL China: Enjoy pining after Tweak America: 🖕 China: Enjoy your evening, that's my plan America: talk yourself into it harder America: maybe you will China: 👌🍆😗 America: 🤮🤮🤮 China: I'm not faking a pregnancy America: Lucie's not fake swallowing China: Ugly girls have more to prove America: you 🔊 like Jake America: he'll be excited as hell China: yeah he will America: 🎊🎉 he can stop trying to suck his own dick 🥳 China: you're just a kid China: let me know where you end up, Zsa's or nan's China: and I'll take the other 👌 America: you can take either cos I'm doing neither China: You know what, fine China: I shouldn't be the one doing this America: What this do you mean? Whoring yourself out to Jake or pretending you care what I'm going to do China: Looking after you China: are any of them in your messages? doubt it China: he's got no right and he goes too far but at least he'll be giving a shit where you are America: I don't need tabs kept on me, I'm going to MJ's not to 🍆 or 💊💉 China: 👍 America: I had a feeling Gaz wouldn't be stepping up to make 🍝 China: I can thank him for the diet too America: he'll be thrilled to hear about the 🍆😗 part of it China: I'm not planning to regale him with it China: 'cos not tempting an assault tah America: Mam & Zsa will have more useful tips China: I don't need them China: thank God America: just Jake telling you what he likes 💖 China: Piss off America: 🏰👑💖 China: Yeah, really feel it America: he'll make you feel really good about yourself China: What would you know about it, Ricky? America: it's what you want him for, I know that China: Why wouldn't I want that? China: Just because you've not had it ever America: Why can't you get it from someone else? China: Because I like Jake China: end of America: 😐 China: and every girl but you does too America: [lists all the girls that don't aka the lesbians, other girls he has shaded and girls like libi who are shamelessly in love with someone else/have boyfriends they care about even a little bit] China: 🙄🙄 China: You've got too much time on your hands China: not going to list every girl that does China: you know who I meant and that it's true America: I just spent a decade I won't get back waiting for you China: I wasn't about to come to MJ's and beg for food with you so America: I didn't invite you there, it's where I'm going now since you're on a Jake's jizz diet China: Don't be gross America: It's you who likes him 🤢 China: It's you who keeps talking about his dick China: like, stop America: I'm desensitising you America: so you can bear to look at & touch it China: I don't need that America: then this is me 🤫 China: 👍 China: Thanks China: Guess I'll see you in school tomorrow, or just before, pretending we've been 🛏 or purposely showing we're just coming in China: who knows what will be more effective in the AM America: you do one, I'll try the other China: Yeah China: know which one you'd prefer China: I'm not playing nice so you don't have to, like I always have America: you weren't playing when it was just you & mammy America: neither was I China: She was fun China: before America: I know China: What's not to like America: as her favourite, you would say that China: 🙄 America: & it doesn't matter who she was America: she's a zombie now China: we'll get her back America: What's the cure for swallowing Gary's bodily fluids? China: She's had worse China: equally as bad America: built up immunity China: There's no immunity to shitty men America: as you've proven China: pot kettle America: I don't like Jake, you're deluded China: I wasn't talking about him, moron America: 🖕 China: No, he seems like SUCH a cool, chill guy America: you'd be a shady bitch whatever you think he's like cos you're mad I don't wanna hop on Jake's 🍆 China: Yeah, SO mad China: you're twisted China: and delusional if you think it'd be any kind of competition America: you admitted you want me to be jealous & that his appeal is everyone likes him so yeah America: your priorities are twisted China: When did I? America: read any of this chat back China: 👍 Good one China: I really don't care what you think China: your taste is clearly trash America: I'd follow your ☕ into the bin but it'll make me late for 🍝 China: 😱 China: Can't have that China: I'm waiting for my bus, talk later America: 👋

[lachlantrash]

"I can't sleep, can I stay here?"

You can't believe you're about to do this. You've never been the kind of girl to feel like she needs a man, always being pretty independent. But tonight, feeling pretty buzzed and awake from the little party earlier at Mitch and Jerome's, where you're staying, you can't find it in you to sleep and want nothing more than to spend time with the man you began dating, Lachlan Power. Knowing he's down the hall, just a few steps away, is enough to pull you out of your bed and causes you to trot down the hall without a second thought. The door's still open a crack, a soft light from what appears to be a laptop lighting the room as you gently knock on the door.

"Lachlan? It's (Y/N)..." You trail off, feeling silly now that you're actually outside of his room. What do you expect him to do? Standing there a second longer and getting no response, you think hopefully he didn't hear you as you go to walk back down the hall.

"Hey." You hear, breaking you out of your thoughts as you look at the door opening in front of you, revealing Lachlan wearing nothing but a pair of Nike sweatpants. "What's up?" Lachlan asks, nervously scratching the back of his neck as he looks at you. You're wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of your own Nike sweatpants, your hair pulled into a messy bun and Lachlan can't help but to imagine coming home to this version of you nightly.

"Sorry, you must've been trying to sleep, it's late." You laugh nervously, feeling even more stupid than before.

"No, god no! What's up, I'm feeling pretty awake." Lachlan says, blushing afterwards because it sounds so needy once he's said it, but he just wants you to stay and talk longer.

"I couldn't sleep, and I just... I wanted to see... I don't know, I just wanted to spend time with you really." You laugh, admitting the real reason you came to him this late at night.

"Do you uh, want to come back in my room? God, that sounds like I'm just trying to fuck you. I meant if you want to like, spend the night here you can. That doesn't sound any better, just ask." He groans, making you let out another laugh at how adorable he is.

"I can't sleep, can I stay here?" You ask, making eye contact with Lachlan, a smile on both of your faces from being in the presence of one another.

"You're so much better at wording things than me. Yeah, of course you can stay here." He says, moving out of the way so you can walk into the room. "I uh, I was just um... Checking out that show you were talking about with Jerome earlier... Supernatural, I was about to start it on Netflix." He says awkwardly, shutting the door behind you and walking over to the bed.

"Really? You think it's something you'll like?" You ask, not wanting to invite yourself into his bed so you're standing by the door still.

"You can come join me in the bed, it's pretty cold with the A.C on in here." He laughs, pulling the covers back and patting the spot next to him for you. Once you climb into the spot, he pulls the blanket up to shelter you from the air conditioning. "I actually was just going to watch it so you and I would have more things to talk about, I haven't even started it yet I was just getting background knowledge from wiki." He laughs, admitting this to you.

"Lachy, I want to talk to you regardless on whether or not you know Supernatural trivia. Though I'm offended you turned to wiki, especially if you're considering watching the show. Don't spoil it for yourself, Supernatural is a commitment you either fully devote yourself to or don't at all." You say, scolding him for his plan of action.

"I just... You get so worked up over things you care about, like this tv show and I just, I feel my heart just somersaulting because oh my god when you care about something you really fucking care, and I can't help but to want you to care about me like that." He admits, making you blush this time around.

"I think that's definitely a possibility with the way we are heading right now." You hum out, reaching for his hand in the mass of blankets, squeezing it before continuing, "Honestly, it sounds pathetic but before this week I was so excited to meet you because it seemed like we both liked each other, and then we met and we really just click so fucking well and then we went on our first date and now, now I'm just excited to see what comes of this." You say, looking at Lachlan with the light from his laptop lighting up his face.

"Can I kiss you, and maybe be able to call you my girlfriend but like feel free to say no to either of those." Lachlan says really fast, making you take a second to comprehend before you laugh, not answering as you lean forward to connect your lips to his. "Alright that answers the first question, but uh, what about the other?" He asks, backing out of the kiss.

"Of course I'll happily be your girlfriend Lachlan, but only if you can handle the title of being my boyfriend." You say, a glint in your eyes as he smiles at you, connecting your lips once again.

"I think that's a role I might be able to give a try." He says pulling away. "I was really nervous to do that, before Mitch even set us up on that date two nights ago at McDonalds, I knew this was going to be the time I ask you out and I was really scared of your answer." Lachlan says, laying back in the bed with his laptop now placed on the floor. He has his arm out in a silent offer for you to lay on it, which you slowly take him up on because you're worried you're misinterpreting for a second until you see him looking at you expectantly.

"Why were you scared of my answer?" You ask, looking up at him.

"I don't know, just nervous you'd say no I guess." He chuckles, making your heart start beating faster. Did he really think you didn't want him in the same way he wanted you?

"Why would I ever say no to a hot stud of an Australian like yourself?" You ask, trying to understand his thinking.

"I just didn't know what was going on between you and Preston, that's all... I know he's been trying to pursue you too." Lachlan says.

"There's nothing really going on between Preston and I, there hasn't been anything at least from my end. I don't really do the whole talking to multiple guys thing, like I'd be fine having a friendship with him but I knew I was more interested in you than him right from the start. He's nice and all, he really is, but something just clicked with you that didn't with him." You say, trying to ease any nerves Lachlan had on Preston. Both Preston and Lachlan began talking to you at the same time and as both are nice, attractive men you didn't really know what to do at first. That was until Preston began coming on a bit too strong, making your conversations with Lachlan seem more meaningful than a bunch of 'your insta pic looks hot' texts you were receiving from Preston.

"That's good to hear. If it means anything, I haven't been talking to any other girls besides you." Lachlan tells you.

"Happy to hear it." You smile at him in the dark, realizing he can't see it so you place a kiss to his neck.

"Are you getting tired?" He asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"A bit." You murmur, eyelids feeling heavy.

"Then goodnight, (Y/N)." Lachlan says, hesitating before placing a kiss on your forehead.

~~~~In the morning.~~~~

"Do we wake them up?" A whisper says, sounding like it's close but not in your line of sight when you open your eyes.

"No, we don't wake them up! Look at them, they're cuddled together in bed. Who are we to ruin their moment? He flies back soon, let them enjoy each other. I'm happy I was right about them." Another voice sounds, this one being the obvious voice of your best friend Mitch.

"They're actually adorable..." The first whisper sighs, sounding like Jerome as you hear it again.

"Guys, I think she's still asleep. Could you gush about my girlfriend and I somewhere else?" Lachlan sighs out quietly, trying not to disturb you.

"Your girlfriend!?" Both Jerome and Mitch say in unison, not trying to conceal their voices. You laugh as you sit up, wanting to see the jaw-dropped reactions of your friends.

"What's so surprising about that?" You laugh, taking in the way Mitch and Jerome are looking at you two.

"I just didn't think Lachlan would actually ask this week, I thought he'd pussy out and we'd be stuck waiting for to official statement on you two until the next time he came out here." Jerome says, taking a step into the room. "Wait... Lachlan's shirtless? You two didn't, y'know..." Jerome adds, trailing off making you laugh.

"What? God, no we didn't have sex! I sleep shirtless, okay? Goddamn, I just got the nerve to ask her out last night." Lachlan says, immediately shutting down the idea.

"I'm fully clothed, no worries." You add, untangling yourself from Lachlan to get out of the bed. "Last night was probably the best nights sleep I've gotten in awhile, though." You say, ignoring Mitch and Jerome as you look at Lachlan, who smiles back at you.

"I agree, definitely best nights sleep." He hums in agreement, sitting up in the bed. "Alright, could you two bozos leave please?" He asks, referring to Jerome and Mitch that are still standing near the door.

"Fine, we'll give you two lovebirds some privacy... Just don't fuck around here." Mitch laughs, walking out the door with Jerome behind him.

"Well uh, want to spend tonight in my room? The door locks." You say, making Lachlan laugh.

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Ava

Grace: you okay babes???! Ava: The furthest from without actually being 💀 Grace: Oh my god what even?! aren't you at that uni thing? Ava: For a few more hours yet, give me strength Ava: Last night was Ava: nah Grace: last night was a sorority girl horror 📽🎞 or like ??? Ava: Allegedly a thing but I've yet to see anyone rocking a skinhead without it being a Choice™ Ava: So, everyone else did go to the 📽🎞 last night but I pulled a sickie 'cos Ava: well, that can do one as a concept but also Ava: Are you sure you even want this? It's a whole saga, like 🙄😫 Grace: duh x 10000 Grace: there's nothing anyone can tell me about mean girls 🔪💔 we can skip 📽🎞 when I've IRL lived it Grace: & obvs! talk to me I'm BEYOND concerned Ava: There are no mean girls Ava: and I think the shit I pulled is beyond a Regina level even Grace: UM no way are you casting yourself 👑 thanks! what happened?! Ava: Sorry but you can try and come for the 👑 after I tell you Ava: So they get current pupils to show you around, do the tour, answer questions, do the whole programme with you, right? Ava: Must be good extra credit or whatever, anyway Ava: There's this guy, and the whole time there's this total...vibe, you know? And I'm not delusional or sad like that, its an actual thing but I know him, know of him Ava: so I know why I should just ignore it, but instead when everyone is out, I DM him Grace: excuse you bitch I'm literally reformed but like putting that ASIDE cos this is so much more IMPORTANT!😱😱 Grace: so are we talking a phoneful of regret or IRL walk of shame? Ava: We talked for a while, so I have literal evidence it wasn't just one-sided but truly do not wanna be that girl but like, I swear Ava: anyway, we did go out, properly and it was Ava: so good Ava: but then he had to go and now I have to die Grace: duh it was 😍😍😍 I know what a vibe means Grace: he has a gf yeah? honey we've ALL done it don't even stress he's obvs not that into her Ava: No its Ava: more complex Ava: there's Ava: well, he's married Ava: but he's not as old as that makes him sound but yeah, clearly quite into her Grace: Ew! What's with everyone getting 💍👰 Grace: if Janis gets proposed to I'm kmsing Grace: it doesn't sound that complex though babes, don't let this family fool you, 💔💍 is such a thing™ Ava: Can't see it myself Ava: they are cute though Ava: of course but I'm not out here doing that myself, that's Buster's bread and butter, not mine Ava: they have kids as well, two Grace: 🙄🤢 Grace: totally but we literally NEVER have to tell her or them that shh Grace: well that explains it 🤰👰💍 he probs doesn't even love her Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: One of them is like...6 or something and the other is a baby so there's like no excuse Ava: It didn't come to anything more than a kiss but I'm mortified Grace: 6? How old is he?! Ava: Again, not as old as that makes him sound Ava: 22 ish, in his last year Grace: THANK GOD! I was literally picturing like a hot 40 Ava: Somehow that would be less complicated Ava: Unless he was a friend of my parents or something but not trying to hit every cliche before I even start Uni Grace: UGH! remember when I went to the fair with that lad who turned out to be 19 & everyone lost it like I was being groomed 🙄 Grace: such a drama Grace: this seriously doesn't sound that bad Grace: either he's bored of her or having his 🍰 & 😋 Grace: who stopped it at 😘😘? Ava: Well, he did turn out to be a creep didn't he Ava: but he could've been a 15 year old creep as easily, I see your point Ava: He did Ava: his phone kept going off Ava: it must've been her Grace: yeah & like I totally worked it out for myself from reading the vibe Grace: same as you last night Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: did he answer? did you literally have to sit there 🤐!!! Ava: I think I might've got the vibe seriously wrong Ava: well, no Ava: I don't know Ava: we were in a club, he couldn't Ava: but we left real quick and he hasn't looked at me today so that's been fun Grace: oh girl please Grace: trust, as someone who has gotten the vibe wrong WAY more times than we need to admit outside of this convo, you so didn't Grace: he's having a freakout, we've ALL been there too, yeah? Ava: Clearly Ava: 😂 Ava: Oh God Ava: I just need to pretend this never happened and peace Grace: come over Grace: we'll go out & make some new drama happen Grace: soon as you do, you'll know if he's bothered Ava: Sounds good Ava: If I didn't have two other Unis to hit before Summer officially starts 🙄 Grace: OMG you're so extra Ava: Rude 😂 Ava: Not as if I can go here now, is it? Ava: I'm burning through options, girl Grace: ILY for it 💜 Grace: did you wanna go there for real? Ava: Not hugely Ava: it was in my top 5 but its definitely not 🥇 Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: it was obvs a 🏆💋 so Ava: seriously Ava: though I'm probably gonna find out that he's made time for every girl on this program Grace: did you pick up on any other vibes? Ava: I don't think so Ava: He did say other girls were flirting with him though Grace: 😂 boys always say that Grace: literally will have been hitting refresh waiting on you 💬 Ava: Or, they really were and that was a subtle dig that I just ignored Ava: 🤡🤡 Grace: ugh don't Grace: nobody's looked hotter the morning after babes Grace: he'd be the 🤡 Ava: Minus the HP🗲 scar Ava: idk where that came from, which doesn't bode well for how trashed I must've been Grace: if he was as wasted maybe he doesn't remember & that's why he blanked you cos everything is Grace: 👋 been there Ava: I wish Ava: like I said, we know each other Grace: do you know his 👰? Ava: 😶 Ava: Just kill me now Grace: has he posted anything? Ava: About how much he 💕 his wife and kids? Ava: Fuck knows Grace: well yeah or idk how wasted he was Grace: anything to go on Ava: His 👰 would not approve Grace: if he doesn't have like a private snap he's no 💔 Ava: Wasn't my first question Ava: Probably does but bit late to ask now Grace: you literally could Grace: cringe but no more cringe than running into him playing happy families when you go get coffee Ava: I'm just gonna leave it Ava: Not a moment too soon Grace: 👌👌💜 Ava: When the alcohol leaves my system my head will be less 🤯 Ava: Standard Grace: his too though Grace: maybe he'll come to you Grace: 🤞 yeah or 🤞 no? Ava: I don't know what I want Ava: or feel about any of it Ava: It's better to just assume nah, a pleasant surprise is always better than disappointment Grace: mhmm Ava: Shut up Ava: I'm confused and hungover, I don't know anything 🙄😏 Grace: no shade Ava: I know Ava: This is too extra Ava: even from me, right Grace: you can wear the 👑 until I earn it back Grace: cos duh who's more extra Grace: me, this hoe Ava: 😂 I'm ready for it Grace: you gotta let me have it there's no 😘💖😍 in my 🔮 Ava: Not even a little? Grace: there was a little but it got too much Grace: too close to being like Grace: I can't Grace: I'm out Ava: I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be, honestly Grace: makes me feel like I'm cracking up Grace: no thanks Ava: Preaching to the converted today Grace: 🙌 Ava: I'll definitely come over some point this Summer though Grace: YAY Grace: I so need you Ava: I think me and the 'rents are going the first two weeks, then I'm going with my friends the last two Ava: so sometime in the middle to play with Grace: ugh if only my mum and dad were organised about anything ever Grace: god knows when or where they'll spring a hol 🙄🙄 Ava: All fun and games Ava: least you get more space these days, I guess Grace: if they're gonna be annoying I'll just bring you with 🤷 Ava: Three holidays would be a record Grace: hot older lad who?! 😂 Grace: Brazil is on another level Ava: If there's sun and sea, I'm happy Grace: you'll be sooo 😊 Ava: 😘 Grace: 💜 Ava: I did not think that would be such a rant Ava: IOU a coffee, I'll ping you the funds rn forreal Grace: As if! like I've NEVER done you that way Grace: shhh Ava: It's done Ava: Consider it a reminder we need a proper catch up when my head is less fried Grace: 👌👌 fine Ava: Don't be mad, it is essential some good happens today Grace: It's fine babes, promise Ava: Good Ava: I better try and finish this essay thing Ava: Or at least make a better start Grace: or at least get yourself a coffee & put some lipstick on Ava: Cheers, I know I look clapped 😂 Grace: shut up Grace: you do not! Ava: I wouldn't wanna chat to me either tbh Grace: Girl, stop Grace: this convo has been wild & I'm living Ava: I meant him, not you 😉 Ava: Only subjected socials to one pic, like Grace: well duh he wants to kiss you again not have a chat Grace: if you wanna talk you'll have to Grace: there's only one kind of convo lads ever start Ava: Hmm Ava: Have better luck with this essay than thinking of something worth saying Grace: what do you wanna say? Grace: like if you could just Ava: Christ Ava: firstly, what the fuck? Grace: he can't shade you for starting there Ava: Though I initiated it so, ugh Grace: he didn't have to go along with any of it Grace: his wife & kids were literally waiting at home for him so Grace: you like deserve to know if there are other girls or not Ava: What's more insane though Ava: asking around every girl on this course, or asking him Ava: There are definite drawbacks either way from where I'm sitting Grace: you said you know him, how much does he lie? Grace: asking him will be more than cringe if you can't believe a word, it'll be pointless Ava: I don't know him like that but Ava: I suppose I've heard that he's a typical lad in most regards so Grace: yeah Ava: but that's from one source so Ava: who's to say they're 100% reliable Grace: right Grace: I'll stalk the other girls, obvs am insane so Ava: No Ava: 'cos then I'll have to tell you who he is Ava: and it'll all get out of hand Grace: OMG do I know him??! Ava: How would you? Ava: 'course not Grace: then why does it matter if you tell me or not? Ava: I'll sort it myself Grace: Ava Grace: is it already out of hand? Ava: That'd depend on who you asked too Grace: I'm asking you Ava: I've got this Grace: promise Ava: 🤞 Grace: 👌

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: how's all the prep going? Rio: Oh my God Rio: it feels good to talk to someone over the age of 12, put it that way Rio: its getting there but I might not 🤪🥴😵 Nancy: same cos Buster's acting like a 5 year old rn Nancy: I wish I was there helping Rio: Travelling brings out the worst in 'em Rio: if I have to see an airport with mine this year, too soon 😬❌ Rio: we could use your 👀 Rio: I'm sure there will still be shit to do when you all get here Nancy: Did your dad convince your mum about a honeymoon though? Nancy: Asking cos I wanna steal you away for a while Nancy: When I get there I'm gonna have so many 📷 to set up and take but I'll definitely make time for any finishing touches there are Rio: 😘😘😘 Rio: s'more convincing nan and granddad that your parents and the rest will help out controlling the masses whilst they're off 🎔☽ Rio: a reason we can NEVER find a babysitter 🙄 Nancy: Oh come on! If my mum gets involved they'll be perfect 😇s Rio: 😂 Rio: I'd be happy to test the theory Rio: going to be so good to see you again! Nancy: Me too if it'd get her off my back 🙄 Nancy: I've missed you so much! Rio: Uh-oh, what's the latest crusade with her? Rio: Girl, same! So much catching up Nancy: Who can keep track? This week it's something about how I spend too much time in my room Nancy: Like doesn't she realise I don't sleep in a cell? I have everything I need Rio: Right? Rio: At least we're past grounding, was such a laughable punishment when its not the 50s or something, please Nancy: malted milkshakes and jukeboxes yes, the rest of the 50s, no Rio: But you'd look so fetching in a circle skirt 😉 Rio: what are you wearing though Rio: I've been so busy making sure the kids are actually clothed that I'm not remotely ready, ugh Nancy: Also less likely to be hatecrimed when it's just gals being pals 😉 Nancy: [a pic of her outfit cos we don't have one yet gang] Nancy: oh my god if you're not joking dad better start speeding! You really need my help ASAP Rio: Don't rub it in, or I'll be at the back of the bus heckling you Rio: me and all MY #sistas Rio: 😍 you look so good, I'll ignore your white feminism if you tell him to step on it Nancy: 😳 x 10000 like Nancy: But I'll demand it Rio: 🧡 Rio: Its a mood, catch me stealthing down the aisle at the back, please, steal the show, kids Nancy: 💚 Nancy: Honestly I feel nervous & I don't have to do the walk/nobody's gonna be looking at me Rio: Awh, don't be Rio: Honestly, everything is so extra, no one will know where to look Rio: you know them Nancy: I was safe to assume that Junie isn't answering me cos he's 😳 x 10000000 then, yeah? Rio: No doubt Rio: I can't even find him to tell him to reply Rio: if I spot him Nancy: It's fine I'll see him soon anyway Rio: God bless him Nancy: I need out of this car now & away from all of them Rio: I can feel the tension from here, babe Nancy: If he spends another sec on speaker talking to his friends about last night's party I will have to throw his phone out of the window Rio: Eww Rio: your brother is 1000% gonna be THAT businessman on the train that wants everyone to hear his convo Nancy: I know Rio: then pops a few blood vessels when someone tells him otherwise Rio: you poor thing, forreal Nancy: He got into a fight at the party over some girl 🙄 But of course the other lad was the only one hurt Nancy: How am I related to this idiot? Rio: How have your parents not turned the car around or at least threatened to Nancy: He doesn't wanna come which means he is, no matter what Nancy: Even if he was 🤕 Rio: Also do you live in Chelsea or a bad American teen drama Rio: the dramatics 😂 Nancy: Right? But it's me getting lectured by my mother regularly Nancy: your favouritism is showing again Rio: We all like you better, don't worry babe Nancy: thanks Nancy: if your parents wanna adopt me, now is good Rio: What's one more is pratically the family motto so why not Rio: you'll have to miss all the WILD parties and the even wilder bants Rio: reckon you'll survive? Nancy: just about Rio: Be honest Rio: if I go to town right now, what are the odds of the kids staying semi-presentable? Nancy: It'd be single figures Nancy: like 5% maybe Rio: Yeah Rio: but even less chance of me getting something wearable if I ask my boy to bring something with him, right? Nancy: Unless he's very fashion forward Nancy: You could tell him to go to ours and raid my wardrobe? Rio: Such a humblebrag, Nancy McKenna 😏 Nancy: If you don't want my advice or designer labels, don't ask, like Rio: 😂 Rio: how is it possible I have nothing suitable in my whole ass wardrobe Nancy: This family has had a surprisingly few weddings in our lifetime Nancy: & there's no chance of you re-purposing what you wore to my parents' big day all those years ago so Nancy: I'll make a detour and pick something up for you Nancy: if you trust me Rio: The amount of sin is truly unholy Rio: my grandma be 😠 at all these heathens Rio: and that feels like forever ago Rio: dread to think what I was rocking but at least I was cute Nancy: So 😢 I couldn't bring a date to meet your grandma she sounds lovely Nancy: [finds a pic of the baze wedding like] Nancy: you were the cutest! Look! Rio: Love the sinner, hate the sin, sweetie 😘 Rio: Oh lord Nancy: Says you but what happened to ME? Nancy: I'm like a different person rn and it's not a glow up Rio: Shh, you look beautiful, are you kidding Nancy: I look like my parents are into medieval torture & put me on a rack Nancy: not cute Rio: Oh 'cos being tall is so unappealing Rio: all those leggy supermodels, YUCK Nancy: 😂 Rio: Anyone saying different is obviously jealous Nancy: How very teen drama Nancy: the girl who hates me really loves me 💋 Rio: better start loudly talking about that Rio: your 'rents will be so proud Nancy: They aren't likely to hear me over Buster's dramatic playlist 🎶 Rio: Now you're just making shit up 😂 Nancy: [records him as proof hey boy hey looking like a moody fuckboy snack over there no doubt] Rio: He really did just look at the window like a music video, huh Rio: also praying you make it here unmurdered now, girl 🙏🤞 Nancy: He wouldn't dare start a fight with us in our finery 👗👠 mum & dad would kill him Nancy: or I could with the 👠 Rio: Gotta stay favourite, yeah Nancy: definitely Rio: catch me being no ones 'cos I'm not coming Rio: see you tomorrow, like 👋 Nancy: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nancy: you have to Nancy: don't leave me with my evil twin Rio: 😩 but Rio: so over this before its begun Nancy: please Ri Nancy: I'll make it fun somehow Rio: There's no escape anyhow Rio: so many people here already just 👀 @ me Rio: I'm not putting on a fucking poofy dress I'm sorry Nancy: you don't have to Nancy: bridesmaid but keep it fashion Rio: I tried on some actual bridesmaid dresses but I felt so stupid Rio: why is it all floor-length and fucking Rio: the excess material Rio: I don't wanna drown in tulle, I'm not 5 Nancy: gross Nancy: I promise to never get married first of all Nancy: second of all I'm gonna make sure you look 🔥 today so Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: I've got to start on the drinks now though, sorry Nancy: show me what's in your wardrobe & I'll try & remember what's in mine Rio: I love you but you remember what I said about floor-length? Nancy: okay okay just yours then Nancy: come on, I can do this Rio: [does] Rio: but honestly, fuck it Nancy: there's so much I could make work Nancy: & no reason for us both to hate our outfits Rio: I won't hate it, I'll just be hated Rio: mainly by my grandma 💁 Nancy: as soon as Buster arrives his attitude will pull focus Nancy: plenty to keep your grandma busy in this car Rio: He'd never be that nice to me Rio: even unintentionally Nancy: I will then Nancy: thinking of a scene to cause as we speak Rio: 😏 Rio: such a shame there'll be no hot girls there you aren't related to 💔 Nancy: if only hitchhikers were still a thing Rio: So predatory for a 13 year old Rio: flip that script honey Nancy: it's the lesbian way Nancy: ask every girl at my school Rio: Ugh, turning their backs in the changing room is it? Rio: like half of 'em have got anything to hide, people are ridiculous Nancy: Yeah Rio: Its more than that then Nancy: It's not a story for today Rio: Later Rio: when you've caught up Nancy: when I've taken my make up off maybe Nancy: it took a really long time Rio: it looks 🔥 Nancy: it's not too much, right? You'd tell me Rio: Of course Rio: but it so isn't, its great Nancy: thanks Nancy: a benefit of doing it in February, our faces won't melt off & I'm not sunburnt Rio: They've thought of you at least Rio: love that Nancy: I'll try & remember to thank them too, like Rio: Thank whichever God made you gay too Rio: boys are such dicks Nancy: I got stuck with a brother so I'd still suffer Nancy: probably won't 🙏 Rio: Well you can ignore him Rio: sure you both prefer it that way Nancy: You can ignore any boys you want Nancy: or don't want Rio: Nah Rio: not when I'm this hard to ignore yeah Nancy: all the more reason Nancy: when you look like you look you can take your pick Rio: I already have, that's what I'm saying Nancy: & they're still dicks? Rio: He is Nancy: So dump him Nancy: there must be some boys in existence who aren't Rio: Eh Rio: None as cute Nancy: Gross Rio: Shut up 🙄 Nancy: if you wanna talk about boys you've come to the wrong place Rio: excuse me Rio: you've literally talked about your hitchhiker fantasy so you can deal with it Nancy: I don't have a fantasy I was trying to think of a diversion to horrify your grandma Rio: Sure Nancy: It's a shame Buster would never swap outfits with me Nancy: a move like that really would pull focus from what you're wearing Rio: I hate to break it to you but not really Rio: already got so many chicks in suits Rio: you know this is MY parents wedding, not yours Nancy: but how many boys in dresses do you have? Rio: I'll check Rio: my parents have weird friends, babe Rio: and have you met my siblings like Rio: your the normie branch of the fam, no amount of lesbian angst is changing that for you, I'm so sorry Nancy: at least they have friends, mine have co-dependence Nancy: and yeah, I'm trying to get adopted in, remember? Rio: 😍 romantic Rio: we'll swap Rio: I need the break Nancy: you and Buster would kill each other in seconds Nancy: but if you can survive long enough to end him I support it Rio: Duh Nancy: I've heard 'you should see the other guy' enough to be sure it's bullshit Nancy: you can take him Rio: I know Rio: trust me Nancy: he hasn't lost a 🥊 for ages it's way past due Rio: Weddings always end in a scrap Rio: may as well take it for the team honestly Nancy: fights & drunken displays happen whenever this family gets together Nancy: again, take your pick Rio: I'm not drunk but tah for the faith, babe Nancy: it's early still Rio: 😒 Nancy: they are all driving me to drink & I don't even Rio: Slainte Nancy: exactly Rio: Fuck it, I'm going town Nancy: do you have time? Rio: Sure Nancy: Then yeah go Rio: ✌ see you when you get here Nancy: I'll find you as soon as we show up Rio: Do Rio: I'll be the bombshell Nancy: I'll be the awkward ginger Nancy: 💚💋 Rio: 🧡💋

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: are you EVER coming home or can I officially have your room? Janis: You measuring up already, yeah? Janis: Diego probably a better housemate than the rest, true Grace: his filming set up is 🔥 sooo Janis: 😂 Janis: hauls are defs what he wants his equipment used for Grace: ugh have you seen the bag I was using last time you saw me? I CANNOT find it Janis: Grace, as if I was paying any attention to your bag Janis: left it in Common Grounds maybe? Janis: 2nd time's a charm 😜 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 SO unhelpful babes Grace: OMG no for who? that other one Grace: EW Janis: Gonna say, if you were aiming for Jim he weren't in today so 💔 Grace: I saw the pics I'm aware Janis: Tah for the #engagement then babes 👍 Grace: oh please Grace: like you need it Grace: so the IT couple now 🙄🙄 Janis: You know it Janis: 'til whoever hooks up with whoever's man at the next big party and it's the scandal of the century Grace: obvs Grace: he is a good photographer tho Janis: Yeah I didn't know Janis: he does it at School too Grace: DUH Grace: the teacher loves him Grace: you think you're the only one 😍😍😍 honey Grace: rude awakening Janis: I know I ain't Janis: bitches be blatant 😏 Grace: If that's a dig at me Grace: HOW RUDE Janis: 😂 Janis: Not strictly you but you know you have the subtlety of a brick to the face Grace: OMG Grace: I'm being nice bitch Janis: So am I, bitch Janis: calm down Grace: I told you I cannot Grace: not until I find this bag Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: Surely you've not left it out out, it'll be at one of your friends if not somewhere amongst all your crap Grace: Duh Grace: but if it's at Mia's I'm not going Janis: No? Grace: Ugh Grace: I'm gonna have to change my ENTIRE outfit Janis: Sure she'll send it back in it's own car Janis: might take a dump in it first Grace: CAN YOU NOT Grace: I'm not trying to have a stress skin breakout thank you Janis: Where are you even going if you ain't going somewhere with her Grace: excuse you Grace: I go places Grace: I know you think it's just you now babe Janis: Not on your own you don't, it's too early for a party, too late for shopping 'cos you'd have gone at the crack of dawn Grace: I have a date if ANY of my wardrobe cooperates Janis: Ah Janis: okay Janis: don't you usually get them all 'round to wax your mustache and fry your hair though Grace: OMG do you not listen Grace: I'm not going to get that bitch here to sabotage me Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Now why ever would she do that Janis: not our Mia Grace: 'Cause she HATES me rn Grace: duh Janis: You'll kiss and make up tomorrow what's new Grace: You actually do not listen Grace: poor barista boy Janis: You've not said anything??? Grace: I told you before! Janis: You're gonna need to be more specific Grace: She's being a shady bitch about you & this boy Grace: I'm over it Janis: 🙄 Janis: She wanna pipe me or what Janis: she'll get some dick of her own and be over it soon Grace: OMG DO YOU HAVE TO Grace: she has a man, it's stupid Grace: & so is how often I have to defend you Grace: not the life I want thank you Janis: but seriously Janis: what is her actual problem Janis: you must know Grace: I don't Grace: I thought it was cos she thought you took him from me but it's not that deep Grace: It's not like barista boy is the love of my life sorry Janis: She just likes being a bitch Janis: sorry but it's true Grace: UM but the things she's saying are sooooooo out of order Grace: Like no Grace: It's horrible Janis: It ain't news to me Janis: she's always been like it, you know that Grace: not about you to me Grace: this highkey Janis: Guess she's over being sly with it Janis: probably thought you'd be # more about it idk Grace: You know I wouldn't Grace: Yeah? Janis: It's whatever, I don't care Janis: thought that's what y'all already did so Grace: Bitch I care! Grace: I can say what I want Grace: she can't Janis: Try and tell her that Janis: not exactly how it's been though so not surprised she don't care either Grace: Hello!? that's what I'm saying Grace: I have Grace: You can date all the hot boys you want Grace: it's not her business Janis: Makes everything her business that's her M.O Janis: depriving her of potential victims, like Grace: Oh please Grace: she's never get him Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Why you think she's so mad Janis: take it up with him it's him that won't fuck her like Janis: though no tah, also Grace: no cos its not about HIM it's about you Grace: that's why I'm SO mad Grace: he's obvs into you for whatever reason so Grace: she doesn't get to say he shouldn't be Grace: idk whatever Janis: She's a control freak Janis: we all been knew before her bones started sticking out so much Janis: I don't care, ignore her 'til she misses you enough to get over it Grace: she's a lot of things, hun but not the relationship police, we can all date who we want, sorry about it Grace: she thinks she can tell me who to go out with too now Grace: excuse you no Janis: Just 'cos she can't stop me and Jim, sh reckons you'll be easier Grace: Ugh I don't even want to go looking like this Grace: but she doesn't want me to so obvs will Janis: You look fine, you're just stressing Grace: You don't know Grace: You're not here Janis: Unless you've disfigured your face I can take a wild guess, babe Janis: and unless your catfishing this lad, he's gonna know what you look like too so Grace: Please, he knows what I look like when I'm a 10 Grace: today is NOT that Janis: 🙄 Janis: idk can't you call one of the ones that ain't her Grace: sure if I wanna kms Grace: wherever she is, they are Janis: Come on Janis: you have to show her up Grace: Help me Janis: Now I'm fashionable is it? Janis: What can I do, like Grace: idk Grace: you're not freaking out Grace: & you have a boyfriend Grace: ask him Janis: ask him what? like do you want outfit opinions or conversation starters here Janis: you've met him, yeah? 😂 Grace: obvs it only matters what I look like duh Grace: Mia's not coming on the date Janis: He's making dinner right now Janis: You could come over or just send me snaps of what you're planning Grace: CUTE Grace: I won't gatecrash Grace: anyways I don't even know where he lives, I didn't get that far 😂 Janis: 👌 Janis: I'm glad to know you stopped yourself before being that creepy, babe Grace: You stop! I am not Grace: it's not my fault we never get any new hotties around here Janis: 😂 Janis: who's this lad then, anyone I know? Grace: someone Mia does so probably cos you're so obsessed with each other 🙄🙄 Grace: jk tho obvs Grace: 😘 Janis: no doubt Janis: with her now, like Janis: all a giant ruse and conspiracy against you Grace: OMG don't even Grace: if I see screenshots of this anywhere I'll kill you Janis: 😂 Janis: [snaps Jimmy] Janis: not a threesome Grace: ugh he has no business looking like that tho Grace: for a white boy Grace: outrageous Janis: I know Janis: You LOVE white boys though don't lie 😏 Grace: I can't help that there's more of them in Dublin Janis: Okay babe Grace: OMG stop Grace: I don't only date white boys Grace: you literally CAN'T say that Janis: 👌 Janis: I'm not keeping track Janis: vague memories of one not entirely pasty one Grace: Well I am, and it's like a 60/30 split so Grace: I can do some maths, bitch FYI Grace: OMG this boy isn't?! Is that why Mia doesn't want me to date him?! 😱😱😱 Janis: 😂 Where are we putting the other 10% Janis: I know you ain't dated no Asians, facts Janis: she tryna keep your numbers down? considerate of her Grace: In my #regrets pile shhhh Grace: or she wants him for herself Grace: to compete with your interracial coupling Janis: She wants every lad for herself, told you Janis: the more #desirable to others the better Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: she wants yours, she's plotting Grace: be careful Janis: Like I said, he ain't arsed Grace: Obvs but still warn him Grace: she's a LOT Janis: Yeah Janis: actual maneater Janis: 🐍 Grace: 😂 Grace: she wishes Grace: she doesn't even do blowjobs Janis: Calories, init Grace: she did one once & it went so tragically she's never Grace: but you didn't hear that from me Grace: why I was trying to help YOU duh Grace: so shaming Janis: Heard that from the lad she disappointed anyway Janis: boys talk too, you know Janis: give yourself a second chance and a better rep, Mia Janis: she's just easy, not rated Grace: Duh Grace: I just don't wanna know what they say about me Janis: Good 'cos I don't wanna chat about that either Grace: OMG is it that bad? Janis: Nah I'm saying I don't listen when they chat about any of you Grace: 👌 thank god Grace: I put in the work Janis: 🙄 Janis: Disgusting Grace: Oh please Grace: Like you don't Janis: We don't need to chat about it do we Grace: I'm just saying! 🙄 Grace: It was a sincere offer of help before Grace: You can talk to me Janis: I don't need help Grace: 👌👌👌 babes Grace: no shade Grace: I just know what it's like Grace: at first Janis: It's good Janis: I keep telling you it's not my first time like Grace: Babes, come on Grace: If you don't wanna tell me, fine, but you don't need to lie Janis: 🙄 This is why we don't talk Janis: if you ain't gonna listen or believe me what's the point Grace: I am listening Grace: but we both know he's the first boy you ever went that far with Janis: so? Janis: #virginityisasocialconstruct is it not Janis: don't mean I don't know what I'm doing Grace: Oh my god Grace: I literally never said it does Grace: I'm only trying to help Grace: sometimes it's good to talk, Janis Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Yeah you did Janis: There's nothing to talk about don't be weird Grace: whatever Grace: excuse me for trying to be nice Janis: It ain't nice it's nosy Grace: It's nice if you want someone to talk to & you don't have it! Grace: you're so rude Janis: well I don't so youre fine Grace: I heard you Janis: 👍 Grace: Are you coming home this week at ANY point? Janis: I'm sure I will Janis: can't stay forever can I Grace: I'm sure he'd allow it Grace: shame he has no friends or brothers who aren't kids Janis: Not everyone's parents are such pushovers though Janis: 😂 behave Grace: 😇 obvs Grace: I just don't want to go Janis: he's a munter Janis: I understand Grace: OMG shut up Grace: It's about how I look not him Janis: The more you think on it the less fun you're gonna be and have Janis: you're fine Grace: You don't understand Grace: so excuse me if I don't wanna hear it Janis: What don't I understand Grace: anything Grace: you don't care Grace: you don't have to Janis: Bit rude Grace: Well it's true! Grace: Some of us don't just get a hot boyfriend & amazing sex life, you know Grace: some of us have to try Janis: Let's calm down, it's just roll of the dice ain't it Janis: not like I've had a million hot boyfriends in a row like Grace: cos YOU didn't want to Grace: Like I said, you don't understand Grace: so don't tell me to calm down Janis: I ain't saying it for my health Janis: but okay Grace: You're saying it cos you want me to shut up Grace: so 👌 Janis: No I'm not Janis: but getting in a flap ain't gonna lead to a good date and then you'll feel even worse but you're just confirming your own bias Janis: everyone feels like shit sometimes but don't let that dictate what kinda time you're gonna have Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: whatever I'm having a GREAT time if my feed says I am so Janis: how does that matter when you ain't Grace: Duh, only doing this so Mia won't win Grace: remember? Janis: 🙄 Janis: She wins automatically because you give a shit and she don't Grace: I know you'd LOVE for me to give up, babes but I can't join you in the ranks of not caring Janis: No shit Janis: she's a terrible friend Janis: who do you think you're doing any favours Janis: not yourself Grace: I'll just be alone then? Love that Janis: Get new ones Janis: you aren't bound for life Grace: Sure Grace: cos it's sooo easy Janis: Easier for you than it is me Janis: there's plenty of other girls who like the shit you like that aren't shitty people with it Janis: not entirely shitty, anyway, better Grace: & I'll just step into their friendship group & belong Grace: you have no idea Grace: You've never been friends with a group of girls before Janis: For good reason Janis: clearly Janis: it ain't that deep Janis: it doesn't have to be, you aren't 12 Grace: I wish I were Grace: It's easier then Grace: you can be friends with whoever Janis: You still can Janis: no one is forcing you but them Grace: no one else wants me Janis: sure they do Janis: just don't be so full on with it Janis: it ain't gonna be sleepovers every weekend or whatever at this age Janis: not at first especially Grace: I'll just change my entire personality 👌 Janis: You can Grace: You're so mean Janis: I'm not Janis: if you're sick of it then do something about it Grace: You are Grace: You want me to be a different person Janis: It's nothing to do with me, I don't care who you are Janis: You're bringing problems, I'm offering solutions Janis: also bit rich don't you think Grace: You're literally just saying everything's not that deep Grace: that's not a solution Grace: & I just want you to be A person, so no Janis: Because it isn't Janis: only your friends act like this, it's insanity Janis: and I am a person, whether you like it or not Grace: It isn't to you cos you don't know what it's like to be me Grace: and you know what I mean Grace: since she died you just pushed everyone away Janis: This has nothing to do with that Grace: Come on Grace: everything does, babes Janis: Nah Janis: Can try and use it as a copout but people stopped buying it a while back so I wouldn't bother Grace: That's not Grace: ugh why do you have to make everything so difficult? Janis: Me? Janis: You're the one that's got all the #problems tonight Janis: I'm chilling Grace: whatever Grace: I can't Janis: Have you tried? Grace: stop being such a bitch to me Grace: OMG Grace: I'm just gonna go Janis: Alright then Janis: have fun Grace: sure Janis: 🙄 for God's sake Janis: just send me the outfits Grace: I don't need the shotgun to my confidence thanks Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: I'm just going to tell you which is best Grace: No you wouldn't Grace: so like I said, no thanks Grace: I don't need it Janis: Yeah, fine Janis: you caught me Janis: just needed a laugh Janis: Laters then Grace: 👋 Janis: 🙄 Grace: maybe I'll see you when you bother to come back Grace: baited breath, like Janis: Why do you care Grace: obvs care too much about EVERYTHING so Grace: why not the only sister that's left Janis: Dramatic Janis: the other two aren't dead Grace: they don't answer their phones Grace: you still do even if you are a bitch Janis: More fool me, obviously Grace: yeah obvs Janis: Don't you have getting ready to do? Grace: I have cancelling to do Grace: it's one text Janis: Really Janis: What happened to not letting her win Grace: what happened to she already has? Janis: 'cos you let her Janis: and are going to this time too, cool Grace: no, 'cos I care & she doesn't Grace: you said it, you can't have forgotten it this fast Grace: literally can't win if we're going by that Janis: What sort of solution is to sit at Home and mope regardless Grace: what sort of solution is letting a boy see me like this? Please Grace: like it isn't cringe enough that I have to ask you to help me Janis: Cheers Janis: go fuck yourself then, like Grace: it's a better plan Grace: at least I know what I'm doing Grace: can't guarantee he does Janis: Don't be gross Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: got the look, I'm just trying to match it 👌 Janis: Shut up Janis: You're so stupid Janis: what, you've got a few spots, yeah? your hair won't go right? Janis: who fucking cares Grace: You're stupid Grace: You literally don't know what you're talking about Janis: Because some lad ain't gonna shag you 'cos you don't look like your filtered selfies Janis: yeah and I'm clueless Janis: they don't care, you could be a different girl and they wouldn't notice Grace: cos I don't want to leave here if I don't! Janis: Then don't Janis: let that stop you and become a shut in Janis: sounds fun Grace: I hate you Janis: Nah Janis: we know who you hate Grace: Leave me alone Janis: Fine Grace: Good Grace: go annoy the barista Janis: Be more fun for me that's for sure Grace: I hope so or you really were lying Janis: 😂 you wish, babe Grace: I don't actually Grace: he seems nice Janis: 😏 Nice? Janis: You've got the wrong one or that was the world's most forced compliment Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I meant like he's not a fuckboy or whatever Grace: it'd be a shame if it was just for the 'gram Janis: Yeah, I'm such hot property everyone wants that brag on lock Grace: Ugh Grace: I'm just saying I do hope he likes you Grace: Forget it Janis: Yeah, I get it Janis: Don't worry about me, I'm fine Grace: I wasn't Grace: I was thinking how much it'd annoy Mia if you two get married or something Janis: Right well if I'm marrying someone to piss her off you can go on one measly date 👌 Grace: Well I already cancelled, so it's all up to you now, sorry Janis: 😑 Cheers Janis: get the invites out now Grace: she can have mine Janis: so dramatic Janis: as if you're turning down a wedding, no matter who's it is Grace: such a bad listener Grace: I just did Janis: 😂 Janis: ooh burn Janis: my imaginary guest list is shaking Grace: your guest list is nonexistent Grace: imaginary or not Grace: but the rest will make up the numbers so 👌 Janis: 💔 Grace: sure Grace: seriously, don't you have food to eat by now? Janis: I'm multitasking Janis: don't use my tongue to type Grace: he'll be 💔 if you keep ignoring him Grace: don't YOU let Mia win, babes Janis: Obvs Janis: ain't that what you recommend Janis: treat 'em mean keep 'em keen Grace: depends on the boy Grace: he wouldn't like it Grace: he's obvs too highkey Janis: You reckon? 😂 how many convos have you actually had with him, babe Grace: Duh Grace: I don't need to, I saw your little display, remember? Grace: & his artwork Grace: so 😍😍😍 Janis: Whatever you say Grace: whatever you say, he's YOUR boyfriend Grace: 🙄 Janis: Let's not get crazy though Grace: yeah so crazy that you like each other Janis: Gross 😉 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: if you don't need anything I'm off for real then Grace: 👋

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💕 Janis: feeling the love 'cos corporate making ya, hey? Janis: how many holiday drinks you made today Jimmy: feels like billions Jimmy: not the kinda wrist action to be #buzzing about Janis: here's hoping you working commission lad Janis: is any? 🤔 #hotdatewithjane Jimmy: Tam's been in and out all day earning you those kicks you desire Jimmy: #notsosecretadmirer Jimmy: can't stay away on this special day Janis: Christ, you'd think she wouldn't wanna be seen DEAD outside her house, single, on this most sacred day Janis: gotta be stringing her along with lingering just a little too long when handing over the caffeine, good job babe 👏 Janis: think Grace is lowkey in hiding Janis: too late to even frantically swipe right on tinder now ladies Jimmy: Tell her Bobby'll be round Jimmy: He would if date night wasn't past his bedtime like Janis: 😂 bless Janis: all got our cross to bear, kid Janis: can't get my date out without a leash and promises of treats 🤷 Jimmy: Speaking of bitches, I seen Mia's timed her latest for the stockholm syndrome to kick in right on time Janis: look, i know you're bitter 'cos i've chucked you for better but don't bad mouth the bae, ok? Janis: forreal tho, they have schedules, like clockwork Janis: a new man for every occasion, this one won't last 'til her bday Jimmy: Keeping my hands where Tams can't see or cuff 'em Janis: 😏 tmi Janis: and unhygienic to boot, you serve lattes with those hands Jimmy: filthy 🧠 Jimmy: it's the company you keep Jimmy: Twix's gone from trying to shit in my dad's shoes to humping 'em Janis: whoa now, i didn't teach her that Janis: but think about it, from a scatological foot fetish to just a bit of vanilla pre-teen humping of inanimate objects Janis: it IS a step in the right direction Jimmy: But you are about treating 'em mean to keep 'em keen Janis: Your kicks are safe, dun' worry Janis: if she's taught me anything, not the way into the good books 😇 Jimmy: If you wanna aim for my work shoes I won't complain Jimmy: A day off is a day off Jimmy: Warn me first though, unless you're into those kind of surprises Janis: Best not to be seen with each other today Janis: don't wanna give everyone the wrong idea Janis: but nice try, you'll have to stick to burning yaself and the like if you wanna bunk Jimmy: Tammy's bound to help me with that Jimmy: #likeagiraffeonice Janis: She's beauty, she's graces Janis: wants you to cum all over her face Jimmy: fingers crossed she'll melt mine off first Jimmy: Better with that Janis: fair Janis: no way you've got the reach Jimmy: 💕 #whenbaebelievesinyou Janis: what, you want me to offer help with target practice? Janis: nice try dickhead 😜 Jimmy: Romance isn't dead there's the proof Jimmy: What are you doing today, aside from belly rubs for the bae Janis: gotta do something, don't I? feel bad like Janis: slayed the gift game and I really phoned it in so obvs gotta give out those sexual favours Janis: nowt though, trying to avoid seeing all the lovey-dovey couples making me wanna vom Janis: letting Tam work her magic in peace 😘 welcome like Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: Making drinks with my eyes closed 'cause same Jimmy: Crack on Tam #tallgirlsneedlovetoo Janis: any barista will do 🎶 Janis: wanna hang when the madness is over Jimmy: The way this queue is going there isn't gonna be goodies left to bring you Jimmy: But I'm sweet enough😎 Jimmy: So yeah Janis: Bummer Janis: guess I can't kick you outta bed for that alone Janis: let you tot up negatives throughout the day, standard Jimmy: Got a pen behind my ear Jimmy: Come at me Janis: never could resist a challenge Janis: 🙄 walked into that one Janis: can we do something not shit Janis: don't need to see you slurping down spaghetti lady and the tramp stylee Jimmy: 💔 I'll shoo away all the strays I've gathered Jimmy: Only one dog for you like Jimmy: But of course that's how we stay goals Jimmy: any old shit won't do 💪🏆 Janis: 🎻 Janis: okay good Janis: play your cards right and get it right Janis: i'll spring for the motel 😉 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: for once i'll be rooting for you Janis: my parents are unbearable at the best of times Janis: 🤢 Janis: actually cannot deal Jimmy: My dad and his girlfriend are still early days enough that they can bear to be in the same room Jimmy: I won't fail Janis: oh the honeymoon period Janis: disgusting Janis: thank god we got that out of the way with a fake relationship so you know my true feelings 😏 Jimmy: yeah thanks mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: welcome, buddy o' pal o' mine Jimmy: Done Jimmy: I've worked it out Janis: taking a particularly difficult shit? Janis: again, don't need these intimate updates honey Janis: not #goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: No, what's goals is what we're gonna do, babe 😏 Jimmy: Keeping you outta the house 'til there's no cringe factor left Janis: Ahh Janis: colour me intrigued Jimothy Janis: what's the dress code? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Nothing Tam would be seen dead in Janis: Alright, no body con that shows all my worst bits, gotcha Janis: do I get ANY clues? Curious 🙀 right here Jimmy: You might just make yourself a new bae Jimmy: But pace yourself mate Janis: 😳 Janis: i don't own any PVC clothing, you know that, yeah? Jimmy: I do now 🎻 Janis: 😂 can literally hear Gracie in my head asking me what i'm like rn Janis: letting ya man down on vday Janis: honestly Jimmy: when one twin's a giver and the other's a taker 😂 Janis: tbf, we BOTH told you you'd got the wrong one but Janis: cloth ears you Jimmy: Down for the challenge Jimmy: Too late to not be a stubborn dickhead, me Janis: looks like we're both stuck then, lad Jimmy: there's that #realtalk mate Janis: can't say we didn't both give it a fair go Janis: #longdistanceloveinskerries #teenagerunaway Jimmy: You'll always have Twix 💕 Janis: gotta have someone to rely on init Jimmy: #tea Janis: #scaldedagain #jobhazard Jimmy: [Sends a selfie of an actual burn/on the job hazard] Jimmy: Stuff of fantasies that Janis: Poor baby! Has Tam not offered to 💋 it better? Janis: #slacking Jimmy: She's got her 👀 a bit lower down Jimmy: I'm just a piece of 🍖 Jimmy: The real hazard Janis: start a # about it Janis: 'cos can't blame her Janis: part of the problem, truly Jimmy: Will do Janis: being all distracting there with your apron and that Janis: asking for it Jimmy: I thought it was the shoes Jimmy: Sexy from head to toe like Jimmy: 🐶💗 Janis: 😋 something certainly got tongues n tails wagging Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: The company I keep, I think 😉 Janis: valid, the bitches love me 😍 Jimmy: Alright, save it for the 'gram Jimmy: #humblebrag Janis: Twix is a busy lady, only got you scheduled in so far Janis: guess the fans will have to make do with your mug 😜 Jimmy: unlucky lads and lasses Janis: they love it Janis: 'til some other cunt is unlucky enough to be enrolled in our school, you're gonna stay flavour of the month 🍦 Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: meanwhile, i gotta wait 'til the next fam scandal 'til I'm relevant again Janis: such is life Janis: not that its ever THAT long 🙄 Jimmy: Whip up some fake drama for you to hide in if you want Jimmy: Crack 'em out with the lattes Janis: I don't doubt you're capable Janis: just getting over sinkgate 😏 Mr. Lucas never will 😉 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: He's one of the only dickheads who hasn't been in today Jimmy: Still time 🤞 Janis: think a milky earl grey is his shout Janis: get it ready, really impress him Janis: more than you did, obvs Jimmy: The coffee breath and forehead vein says espresso though 🤔 Jimmy: Man o mystery Janis: 🤤 Janis: so hot Jimmy: More competition is it? Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Using you as a ploy to get him hot under that starched collar all along Janis: soz babes 😘 Jimmy: I should've known your real goal was to get under that lumpy jumper Janis: 😂 Janis: know he's got the goods under it Jimmy: Can't fight the feeling Janis: s'a real shame the hottest female teacher we've got is that TA with the wonky fringe and clompy shoes Janis: who you got your sights set on next? Jimmy: always been about a wonky fringe meself Jimmy: Clompy shoes are a massive bonus when Twix is being a mad bitch underfoot too like Janis: draw the line there pal Janis: gotta get the dog in the divorce like Janis: not letting that hipster bitch anywhere near Jimmy: 🥊 Jimmy: going down swinging Janis: if she doesn't scream cat lady as is, she's defs into weird pets like fucking Janis: stick insects Janis: hope you're soooo happy together like 🖕 not even mad Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: nice to have your blessing, mate Jimmy: be my best man on the day Janis: literally fuck off Janis: only just got rid of the lesbian rumours and you wanna put me in a suit WHILST friendzoning me Janis: nah 😤 Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: found a challenge she won't accept Janis: only way i'm showing up is if you invite all your exes and put us on a table so we can chat mad shit on you Janis: be a man about it, boy Jimmy: card table at the back, couple of chairs so you can place your bets 👍 Janis: more like it Janis: hook up with your actual best man Janis: pure spite and alcohol fuelling me Jimmy: It'd probs be Cass so best not Jimmy: no good for the rep Janis: 😡 Janis: same tho, if i ever got hitched (ignoring the unlikeliness of that) i'd have to hit up the sibs for those bridesmaids and ting Janis: least my fam is good for numbers if not company like Jimmy: Grace has used her twin senses and is moodboarding somewhere rn Jimmy: Unlucky Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: vietnam flashbacks rn Janis: you know how many fake weddings of hers i've attended Jimmy: I can imagine Jimmy: And am Jimmy: Cute 😂 Janis: Fuck off Janis: shame your dad don't wanna be bffs Janis: can't hit him up for embarrassing pics and stories to use against you Jimmy: Another win to my name Janis: 🖕 Janis: sincerely hope you get a beverage thrown in ur face Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wish you'da got me some earplugs Jimmy: Come on over mate, I've got loads Jimmy: #whenyourdadisdating Janis: literally Janis: at least you know its the same woman to avoid when she runs to the bog to clean herself up Janis: Pablo already on 2nd of the day Janis: Need a way to let 'em know Jimmy: Gotta have a sleepover with your real bae Jimmy: Twix'll sort 'em Jimmy: Sticking her nose in, literally like Janis: Oh that sweet curious girl Janis: some things she never need see 🙈 Jimmy: #nosybitchproblems Janis: getting dirt on enemy #1 anyway she can Janis: those bribe bones coming her way Jimmy: Happy v-day to her Janis: Maybe you and wonky fringe can have a fuck-off Janis: bet she's a right goer when you get the hair down and glasses off like Jimmy: Invite you and Mr Lucas for the post shag debrief Jimmy: Give you a /10 Janis: Naturally Janis: so curious to know how I rank 😒 Jimmy: Always a 10 with Twix Janis: 🙌 Janis: that'll help with the rep Jimmy: Me and Killer'll take the heat off with our new relationship shine Janis: yeah it loves you Janis: daft fucking dog Jimmy: Pity I can't turn the 💕 into 💰 Jimmy: Loads of lattes no will to keep slinging 'em Janis: Looking for a career change? Janis: fame getting too real? Jimmy: Got me looking like a deer in the headlights Jimmy: Tammy's livid Jimmy: There can only be one Janis: 'bout to be a bloodbath in CG Jimmy: Place your bets, mate Janis: hmm Janis: Tams got the reach like but reckon she's mostly talk n neck Janis: nan's not been in has she? 😉 Jimmy: She's serving me that 💔 while I crane my own neck looking out for her all day long Jimmy: no sign yet Janis: Gutted Janis: even she's feeling the lurve today Janis: literally no place to go Janis: so tragic Jimmy: About to eat my feelings like a proper flat white squad member Jimmy: Speaking of feeling that l.u.r.v.e did you hear how many cards Cass got sent? Jimmy: 7 Janis: WHAT Janis: get it gurl but also fuck off lads she's too lil Jimmy: walking about like its nowt Jimmy: 😎 Janis: thank god Janis: no one needs that ego boost Janis: fuming tbh Jimmy: Bobs made one at school Jimmy: guess who for Janis: Aww, bless him Janis: she does need that boost Janis: he gonna hand-deliver? Jimmy: He's insisting Jimmy: So be about Jimmy: You got one too Jimmy: moving in on my lass Janis: we in, have to kick the empty ice cream cartons out the way like but find us in front of bridget jones or similar Janis: i'm honoured like 😊 Jimmy: Yours is bigger but hers has more glitter Jimmy: Can't call a winner Janis: size matters Janis: #facts Janis: soz Gracie, gotta fight you or you'll get too comfy Jimmy: Just don't let her vlog it Jimmy: Don't need porno style #s going viral Janis: MY TWIN ATTACKED ME!?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) Jimmy: Haters, on this sacred day Jimmy: #savage Janis: Glad to keep her in #content Janis: who's the real ⭐ baby Jimmy: 🤩 Jimmy: Better than 💝 chocs Janis: the calories! 😱 Jimmy: who needs food when you can exist on ☕ and even hotter goss 💋 Janis: diet of champions that 🙄 Janis: mia be bullshitting them that she doesn't run on sheer cuntiness Jimmy: Mia? A bullshitter? 😲 Jimmy: Nope Janis: awks 😕 Janis: did you think you was forever? Jimmy: she was my fucking cinnamon apple Janis: 😂 Janis: at least i've got an excuse to fight her again Janis: try not to get in the way this time Jimmy: Will do Jimmy: 2nd rule of fight club, get out the way dickhead Janis: brad pitt in that film Janis: mwah 💋👌 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I got no retort because Helena, not the one like Janis: crazy bitch not your type, eh? Janis: think the masses would have to disagree 😏 Jimmy: Start a # or I'm not listening, sorry everyone Janis: he's a modern man Jimmy: 💪😎 Janis: wonder if anyone will get pregnant tonight Janis: wanna make a bet? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll put today's wage on it Jimmy: No tips Jimmy: Need them for our big 💕 plans Janis: alright, you're on Janis: here's hoping its only the tip for all the other lads like Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Walked into that one Janis: 💁 Janis: shame we're not a hardcore catholic school #upthebuttforjesus Jimmy: I'd have to pray meself if I'd made a bet under them conditions Janis: what can i say? just like me, showing faith in our peers Janis: ur so negative, babe Janis: like dem tests 🤞 Jimmy: don't need to be an optimist to wait for those positives Janis: we'll see Jimmy: what to I get when I win this one Jimmy: quite a streak now babe 😏 Janis: 😣 Janis: on the off chance you manage to scrape a win Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Escape route for longer than a night for starters Jimmy: Lovebirds doing my head in Jimmy: I'm thinking a weekend break that isn't #cursed like Janis: Always down for running Janis: up for it not being away from you this time 😉 Janis: bringing the kiddos or? Jimmy: Depends if they kick off Jimmy: Got time to work on bribes Jimmy: Dad's Valerie might wanna play happy families 😒 Janis: 😬 Janis: that'll be fun Janis: can't have you dealing with that Janis: at least their tales of woe whilst you were gone will be packed with that #scandal and #drama Jimmy: might be easier to take 'em amount of SOS's we'd get Jimmy: Cass blowing up both our phones before we're out the door Jimmy: fuck knows Janis: Eithers cool Janis: just leave the hardcore whips n chains at home like Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Alright done Jimmy: If we stick 'em on their own does that make us the mccanns Janis: not if we don't drug 'em Janis: stick to sweets and other such bribes and we'll be alright Jimmy: Gonna be enough of a plan getting there without adding a murder cover up Janis: honestly Janis: not on the agenda Janis: not a nice pretty white doctor like, never getting away with it Jimmy: not the 💕 american films'd have you believe either I reckon Jimmy: Surrounded by a cloud of smoke already cheers don't need a hail of bullets Janis: yeah if #blacklivesmatter taught us anything Janis: not the ideal way to spend a weekend Janis: also, still creasing at her name Janis: such middle aged hot piece of ass vibes Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: definitely can't promise you any of that Jimmy: but if you win, I'll 🚭 and hopefully run like less of a middle aged dickhead with a dad bod Jimmy: less of an evidence trail an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: whoa, that's awful big talk from the resident chimney Janis: you are sure you're gonna win 😉 Janis: but i accept the full Ts and Cs Janis: you should train with me Janis: not just an excuse to 👀 the dad bod Jimmy: Deal done then Jimmy: Trying to see me in my short shorts Jimmy: You'll have to catch me first like Janis: wouldn't even be fair to make it a competition like Jimmy: If you're too shit scared, mate Janis: just curious why you wanna lose so bad Janis: thinking you might love what punishment i have in mind? Jimmy: Wondering what it feels like 'cause it never happens Jimmy: You seem to be about it with all your repeats Janis: I'm going to enjoy making you suffer Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Gonna start a club with Mr Lucas? Janis: any time i get to spend with him like Janis: not like I wanna think up new cruel and unusual ways to get you but Janis: needs must Jimmy: 💕 cute Jimmy: I'd tell him to get his 🎻 out but we know what those hands are busy doing Janis: eurgh 😂 too far Janis: my 'rents reckon he's an actual predator, like, there are stories Janis: do not wanna commit so hard to this bit that I become his next victim forreal Jimmy: Not gonna happen babe 💪😎🐶 Jimmy: Squad got you covered Janis: My heroes 😍 Jimmy: If Twix isn't up to it my bae'll come through Jimmy: Named for it literally Janis: Reckon that was the idea Janis: or they were being ironic with it Janis: #sojokes Jimmy: either way I'll knock him out before its a drama Jimmy: as long as you don't get in my way naturally Janis: don't worry, got the sense I was born with 😜 Janis: dickhead Jimmy: Lucky you were born with it Jimmy: Some of us have neither Janis: 🎻 Janis: so what part of pretty woman you looking to recreate this time Janis: what's your artistic vision? 😏 Jimmy: I haven't seen it Jimmy: Bound to be an aesthetic montage though, isn't there? Janis: don't let my sister hear you Janis: roped into GIRLS NIGHT! before you know it Jimmy: Get the popcorn in Gracie, mine's salted Jimmy: Shout you a diet something if you keep the noise down, hun Janis: #romanticvdaynightplans Janis: i get why she got confused, you have #boundaryissues mate 😂 Jimmy: Living up to that dating a twin stereotype Jimmy: The people in my comment section DEMAND it, alright? Jimmy: #gottagiveemwhattheywant Janis: Nah, bitch, you can only play that if we're identical Janis: its not like whoops thought it was u Janis: on ANY level 😤 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Oh shit the boss is the embodiment of that emoji Jimmy: Yours not mine Jimmy: Gonna have to get a room Jimmy: Ban him, that's not how I'm earning employee of the month perks, sorry lad Janis: Convenient 😒 Janis: lemme catch u in her inbox boi 🥊 Janis: jk, get to work slacker, catch you in a mo Jimmy: 🐊 Jimmy: In a bit 💕 Janis: 🖤