#i could enter a whole new cricle of personal hell in telling myself i dont even deserve to know why i was always left alone
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Been chasing the snake so I can ask it why it bit me, rather than trying to get help for the venom.
#this is like a metaphor#for my abandonment issues#about how ive held onto this pain for so long thinking one day id get answers or an apology#when really the best thing for me would be to just let it go#but its so hard to do when you so desperately want to know why this has happened. when you feel so much pain you want to know what caused it#its been so long#i could enter a whole new cricle of personal hell in telling myself i dont even deserve to know why i was always left alone#but i just need to take a deep breath and let it go#and also cry a lot about it#im going to be doing a lot of crying about it#tonight in bed probably#but i have to be quite so no one hears#but the crying helps#and then i imagine someone is there rubbing my back and telling me to breath and then ill get to sleep#see i have this routine down pat#im all set for later
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