#i did genuinely believe a mc was going to die so props for a believable death scene

[rillabrooke]

2021 Reading List

An Accidental Duchess - littleLo (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Twelfth: Corinthe - Victor Hugo

Room Service - leigh_ (Wattpad)

Anne of Windy Poplars - L. M. Montgomery*

The Crucible - Arthur Miller**

And Then There Were None - Agatha Christie**

Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston**

Cherry Knots - hepburnettes (Wattpad)

Breakup Formula - hepburnettes (Wattpad)

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde**

Plunder - rskovach (Wattpad)

Lost With You - ArabiaJ (Wattpad)

A Farewell To Arms - Ernest Hemingway**

Hired To Love - JordanLynde (Wattpad)*

Pygmalion - George Bernard Shaw**

1984 - George Orwell**

In the Arms of My Enemy - TenayaGatrell2 (Wattpad)

The Ultimate Gift - Jim Stovall**

A Thousand Storms - yuenwrites (Wattpad)

Bartleby, The Scrivener - Herman Melville**

The Yellow Wallpaper - Charlotte Perkins Gilman**

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allan Poe*

The Awakening - Kate Chopin**

Of Beauties and Beasts - gingerbread250 (Wattpad)

Sleepwalker - humored (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Thirteenth: Marius Enters the Shadow - Victor Hugo

A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens* **

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson* **

Othello - William Shakespeare**

The Bully - TeaRainAndLove (Wattpad)

The Quirky Tale of April Hale - demonicblackcat (Wattpad)

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald**

Quirky Romantic Queries About Love - demonicblackcat (Wattpad)

The Fog Horn - Ray Bradbury**

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury**

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Fourteenth: The Grandeurs of Despair - Victor Hugo

Shoot the Jerk - TheStupefying (Wattpad)

An Abundance of Katherines - John Green*

Annabelle's Will - LeeleeKez (Wattpad)

Million Dollar Woman - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Taxi Service - SydneyDruckman (Wattpad)

Door To Door - defend (Wattpad)*

Prince Charming - romanceandcake (Wattpad)

Daughters of the King - Purplejeans (Wattpad)

Falling for the Seat Filler - steffy_t (Wattpad)

Sarah, Plain and Tall - Patricia MacLachlan*

The Game Changer - steffy_t (Wattpad)

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne

Around the World in 80 Days - Jules Verne*

The Bachelor - greenwriter (Wattpad)

Paris in the Rain - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Fifteenth: The Rue de l'Homme Armé - Victor Hugo

Snapshot - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book First: The War Between Four Walls - Victor Hugo

The Mysterious Benedict Society - Trenton Lee Stewart*

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Second: The Intestine of the Leviathan - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Third: Mud but the Soul - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Fourth: Javert Derailed - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Fifth: Grandson and Grandfather - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Sixth: The Sleepless Night - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Seventh: The Last Draft from the Cup - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Eighth: Fading Away of the Twilight - Victor Hugo

Lady in Rags - Spiszy (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Ninth: Supreme Shadow, Supreme Dawn - Victor Hugo

Widow in White - Spiszy (Wattpad)

A Song For You - UnsinkableShips (Wattpad)

Anne's House of Dreams - L. M. Montgomery*

Friendship for Dummies - leigh_ (Wattpad)

The Mermaid Hypothesis - adam_and_jane (Wattpad)

The Murders in the Rue Morgue - Edgar Allan Poe

Take Me Home - blissom (Wattpad)

The Cask of Amontillado - Edgar Allan Poe*

The Fall of the House of Usher - Edgar Allan Poe

62 Letters to You - UnsinkableShips (Wattpad)

The Chances of Mary Jane Chaucer - arrowheads (Wattpad)

The Pit and the Pendulum - Edgar Allan Poe

Bequest - rowena_wiseman (Wattpad)

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare

Age Matters - Enjelicious (Webtoon)

To Love Your Enemy - Jungyoon / Taegon (Webtoon)

Noblesse - Jeho Son / Kwangsu Lee (Webtoon)

The Steward of Blackwood Hall - flights_of_fantasy (Wattpad)

Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare*

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare*

Macbeth - William Shakespeare**

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

Matilda - Roald Dahl

Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins

The Mystery of Marie Rogêt - Edgar Allan Poe

The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar - Edgar Allan Poe

The Thousand-and-Second Tale of Scheherazade - Edgar Allan Poe

The Balloon-Hoax - Edgar Allan Poe

The Masque of the Red Death - Edgar Allan Poe

The Premature Burial - Edgar Allan Poe

Berenice - Edgar Allan Poe

Never Bet the Devil Your Head - Edgar Allan Poe

The Sphinx - Edgar Allan Poe

Morella - Edgar Allan Poe

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allan Poe

* reread ** for school

[magnoliapip]

Ranked: Mother of the Year (Choices) Main Characters

I can’t sleep so that means I need to make another list that I’m not going to proofread before I post, right? Of course it does. But before we start, please remember this is my opinion on who I liked best. Not who impacted the story the most, not who was the best written fictional character of all time, yada yada. This is my personal opinion of the characters I liked best.

Spoilers WILL be featured below. You have been warned.

#13 -- Tallulah Copeland

Tallulah is a parent to a child at Bernhardt Academy, a friend of Vanessa Blackwood, and an active member of the PTA. Hugo is her partner.

This woman. I would flat forget this woman existed until she would show up again just to wreak havoc on MC’s day, usually at someone else’s urging. Every single time she spoke, I just wanted it to be over and she is just an awful, AWFUL person. She’s also the only awful person in this book who never pretends to be nice and/or never apologizes for her actions. Just an all around nasty person.

#12 -- Hugo

Hugo is a parent of a child at Bernhardt Academy and an active member of the PTA. Tallulah is his significant other.

If you’re actually reading these little blurbs, you have to be wondering “MagnoliaPip? How in the hell is Hugo ranked lower than two other unmentionables in this story?”

Thank you for asking, no one ever.

Put frankly, Hugo just annoyed the crap out of me. I know that’s supposed to be part of his character, but it went above and beyond the scope of acceptable annoyance. I grew to hate every second he was speaking. He never really contributed anything to the plot other than some irritating drivel. He wasn’t an antagonist, but he also wasn’t a pleasing good guy. He’s also the reason I’m considering not re-reading this book again right away like I want to.

#11 -- Guy Ledford

This man. This. Man. THIS MAN!

This part is going to include major spoilers, y’all, so if you haven’t read it and are still intending to, skip away now!! Again, major spoilers from here on out kids.

Guy Ledford is your main character’s ex-husband who has been absent for four years since the start of the book and wants to reconnect with his daughter. He is also a CEO of a snack food company/app, Nomme. He is the main antagonist of the book.

The reason I didn’t rank him lower is he genuinely adds something to the plot. He IS the plot. He’s the reason this book exists. However, he is such a scumbag he deserves nothing. He feels like a trope for quite a lot of the time, but at least he’s not physically abusive like a true trope could have been (at least, I never noticed him being physically abusive). Just, you know, a gaslighting, manipulative, arrogant, rude, selfish son of a-

I also love that they named him “Guy”. I’ve only ever met one man named this in my life, so it’s funny to me that they named this jerk “Guy” so it’s not only the most generic sounding name (did his parents also get a dog named “Dog” and a cat named “Kitty”?), but also one that a lot of men won’t likely have so they don’t have to get name checked in relation to him.

I like that you can get a good outcome (Guy ends up with joint custody with visitations  every weekend and having to back pay) without spending diamonds in this game as long as you make the right choices, but for those who DID spend all of the diamonds, I would have liked to have seen Guy end up with worse. I would have liked to see, if you made most of the right choices and bought all of the diamond stuff, him ending up with every other weekend or maybe just visitation. I know he’s trying to be a good dad (but still an absolutely terrible human being), but every weekend seems like so much when your daughter is in school.

#10 -- Augustus Blackwood

August Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and is a student at Bernhardt Academy.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. But he hurt my daughter and that’s enough. I would have liked to have seen him fleshed out a little bit more beyond being basically just a schoolyard bully. His motivations for his actions are hinted on, but nothing is really ever done and he’s mostly just a prop for something to hurt your daughter.

#9 -- Vanessa Blackwood

Vanessa Blackwood is the president of the PTA, a single mom, and a lawyer and becomes an antagonist to your character.

I’m probably going to get hate for this, but I want to like Vanessa. Obviously, she’s hateful and offensive, in some very, very unredeemable ways, but there’s something about characters like that which makes me want to forgive them and teach them how to be better. How to rehabilitate their bitterness. I felt it with Olivia Nevrakis, I felt it with Victoria Fontaine, and I know certain people in the fandom felt it with Becca Davenport and Poppy Min-Sinclair. 

**DISCLAIMER** Keep in mind, I’m not trying to excuse homophobia and racism here. They are both despicable things and should be accounted for. However, after having grown up in a homophobic and racist home and learning to leave that shit in the dust by the time I was eighteen and SLOWLY teaching my family to do the same over the course of the last 10 years, I believe people can change if you give them room and help to. Not everyone will, not many people will, but I believe in giving the chance. We need to force people to take responsibility and learn from their mistakes. Should the book have been approved as a series rather than a stand alone, I think this might have been a very real option within book 2.

#8 -- Ajax “AJ” Blackwood

Ajax Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and a student at Bernhardt Academy.

AJ is the quieter of the Blackwood boys, AJ is a shy kid who hates that his brother is mean just as much as your daughter does. He finally has enough within the book and stands up to him, which was more than a little satisfying and he does seem to have a genuinely good heart. I think it would be so cute for him, your daughter, and Luz to be their own adorable trio of friends. 

#7 -- Levi Schuler

Levi Schuler is your neighbor who helps save the day for MC early on in the book and becomes a friend to both her and your daughter. He is also one of your love interests.

And if this list is going to invoke hate from the masses, it will be this entry that does it. I know how loved Levi is. And I love him too! I just find him, and his musician plot, to be a bit tiring. He’s a wonderfully supportive friend/love interest, just about one of the nicest people, and he’s great with your daughter. I swear, all of the love interests in this book would be god tier in any book. It’s truly unfair to the others that we got three amazing ones here along with a great cast of characters. However, since that did happen, Levi will sit here at #7. He can have a consolatory rugelach while I continue on.

#6 -- Faye Devore

Faye Devore is your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, a younger social media influencer.

I loved Faye. Right from the start, I loved Faye. I prayed they weren’t going to make this into one of those books where we were supposed to hate the “other woman” because those plots are old, outdated, and overused. Thankfully, MOTY lets us skirt right around it and we end up with a wonderful character like Faye, who is the human definition of having the best intentions.

She gets on well with your daughter, even pointing out to MC at one point that she thinks of her like a little sister, and goes above and beyond to make her happy. She is genuinely upset about going against MC’s wishes about your daughter appearing on social media and doesn’t appear to want to cause any harm or hard feelings with MC at any point during the book. In fact, she wants to be friends. 

I would have loved for this and for it to be fleshed out more, again, if we had ever gotten a book 2. I’m also that jerk who would have totally romanced her in a replay and would have emptied my wallet to get a scene in that hypothetical book 2 where Guy finds out. Take that homophobe!

#5 -- Dr. Eiko Matsunaga

Dr. Eiko Matsunaga is a science teacher who teaches at the private school your daughter goes to and becomes friendly with MC because of your daughter. She is also one of your love interests.

If I would have had a teacher like Dr. Matsunaga when I was in school, maybe I would have cared about science at any point during my childhood. Eiko is so incredibly smart but has a heart of gold. She could be off teaching at colleges or writing published journals, but she’s teaching elementary science at a private school and honestly enjoying herself! She wants to see children succeed and will give any child who wants to do so, like your daughter, all of the help they need.

I want to romance her. I want to be her friend. I want it all because I’m selfish even when I don’t because I could never possibly be worthy of the supremacy that is Eiko. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#4 -- Your Daughter / Zoey

Your daughter is 9 years old at the start of the book and desperately wants to be an astronaut. She is a science whiz and moves from public school to Bernhardt Academy at the beginning of the book to kickstart her education.

It makes me so sad that I will never actually have this child. “Zoey” is just so smart and funny and sweet and I love her so much. I spent so many diamonds on her. She’s a pixelated little bundle of amazing and I would die for her. That’s it.

#3 -- Alma Velasco

Alma Velasco is your neighbor, best friend, and (for part of the time) co-worker.

What did our character do to deserve such an amazing ride-or-die friend like Alma? She never disbelieves MC, is forever supportive as a shoulder to cry on and a supplier of good wine, and also helps MC out of more than one pinch. Seriously an amazing friend, and I wish we could have done something equally amazing for her to reciprocate.

#2 -- Thomas Mendez

Thomas Mendez is a lawyer and a single dad who becomes friends with MC very early on in the book. He is also one of your three love interests.

A big reason for why Thomas is at #2 is because of who #1 is but we’ll get there in a second.

There’s also something about Thomas that speaks to me as a person. It’s more than just being interested as a love interest or as a friend. There’s something about who he is. His awkwardness, his humor, his kindness and his generosity all make him someone I envy as much as I admire.

He takes on MC’s case pro bono when he doesn’t have to. He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but stepping back and looking at the it, by all accounts he was walking into a handily losing situation. He was also super busy at this time being a single parent himself and working on his class action lawsuit. That’s not even saying anything about him still grieving for Soledad.

However, the biggest reason I love Mr. Mendez is...

#1 -- Luz Mendez

Luz Mendez is a student at Bernhardt Academy who becomes best friends with your daughter early in the book. She is a soccer and art fan.

This little girl is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. She made the entire book. Every character that came before her pales in comparison to her majesty. She is a goddamn queen and deserves everything.

Every scene with her is gold and I wish we had more. This little girl was completely willing to curb stomp someone with her cleats at the courthouse if something would have happened to your daughter. She is so aggressively herself and it is a joy to see. The relationship between her and her father is what really kept me going through the book’s more difficult spots. There is such true love and acceptance there, as well as the drive and desire to do better for the other than I just...There is really no way for me to properly explain the perfection that is Luz Mendez so I guess you’ll just have to read it yourself.

---

I’m not sure why it took me so long to start reading Mother of the Year (MOTY), but I’m so glad I did. In 3 days flat I binged the entire book, wasted so many accumulated diamonds, and had the time of my life. The cast of characters in MOTY is perfect and I wanted to rank them according to my opinion on which ones were the best. I ranked all of the characters I found to be profound enough to matter to the storyline or that MC or “Daughter” had enough interactions with to matter. As a result, there are several characters who didn’t make this list. 

Sound off below if you wish.

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“illusion”

Chapter 16

Hi!!! This is the SFW version of this chapter. The NSFW version of this fic can be found on Ao3 HERE for 18+ ONLY

SFW version ao3 link

Two days go by, and slowly but surely I feel my strength start to return. Despite my mood and condition improving, the doctor keeps me confined to my bed the entire time, save for trips to the bathroom. So, I have no choice but to just roll over again and again, attempting to stay comfortable as restlessness continues to ferment within me. Maybe if I had any visitors, things would be more bearable, but the entire squad left to return to our base yesterday. Many of us had small injurie that were easily treated, so now Alice and I are the only ones still here. 

Alice...

Her condition isn't improving. The doctors say that she's "brain dead," only kept alive by a constant magic supply from the nurses. If they let up for even a couple seconds, she would truly die.

How could I let this happen... I wish I could have been on her team. Maybe I could have saved her, like I did all those years ago in the woods.

By this point, I'm all out of tears, so all I do is lean on the windowsill, cool afternoon air wafting in through the curtains. I opened it up to allow some freshness into this prison, sneakily slipping out of bed to do so and enjoy the view. Getting on my feet was easy enough, although my knees are weak and there's a lingering pain in my joints. But my injuries are on their way to being completely healed, and I expect to be let out in a day or so.

Maybe I'll find a way to help Alice... soon I'll be able to visit her room. It seems stupid to hope like this, but at the same time, I don't want to give up. In many ways, my life is about to change. A new rank, new freedom from my engagement... and...

The door suddenly creaks open, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. I whirl around, still clutching the windowsill to maintain my balance. Shit! The doctor's here, she's going to chew my ear off about getting up-

However, by some stroke of luck, it's not my doctor. Instead...

"J-Julius?"

The man, who I haven't seen since Captain Hervey came by, quickly steps into the room, closing the door behind him. I can't help but break into a smile, relief filling me along with a new, fresh excitement. My eyes flicker over his attire, a casual outfit instead of his squad uniform, before landing on the vase of flowers he's holding in his hands. "Are those for me?"

Julius finally smiles, although concern flickers through his gaze. "Yes... Aren't you supposed to be staying in bed?"

I shrug, frowning a little. "Yeah, but look, I'm standing up fine-" I tell him, ignoring the fact that I am very much dependent on the windowsill for my stance.

Julius shakes his head, but a chuckle escapes his lips. "Come on, you'll hurt yourself."

Begrudgingly, I get back in bed, sitting cross-legged as I excitedly examine the vase he got me. "These are beautiful-" I whisper, leaning in to sniff the flowers. "Thank you, Julius... but isn't this a bit bold?"

"What?" Julius gives me a goofy grin as he sits down on the edge next to me, almost close enough to touch. "This is simply a gift from a Vice Captain to his injured squadmate, I don't think there's anything 'bold' about that, is there?"

I narrow my eyes at him, but the glare is kept playful since I can't stop smiling. I'm so glad he came... he must have taken off time to do so. I glance at his clothes again. Stay calm... things with him are going to be easier now, now that Lawrence is out of the picture. My heart swells at the thought, starting to beat faster and faster.

"You okay?"

"Hmm?" I look up and jump a little when I see Julius just inches from my face. His expression is neutral, but his eyes are all over my face, analyzing me. I gulp nervously. "W-What? I'm fine, why do you ask?"

Finally, Julius's lips twitch a little, amused. "Oh, nothing... your cheeks just turned bright red while you were quiet." I feel my face heat up even more at the observation, which just spurs him on further. "What were you thinking about?"

"I..." I shrug, suddenly starting to get nervous for some reason. "I'm just... really happy to see you, Julius." I suck in a breath before smiling calmly. "I thought you weren't even going to come, to be honest. Do you have any idea how bored I've been these past few days?"

"Of course I came. In fact, you have me until tomorrow morning." His face softens a bit, and he doesn't break eye contact as he gently pulls the vase out of my hand and sets it aside. I can't even look away; because, when he looks at me like that, it's like a trance. "The doctor said that you can leave tomorrow, so we'll go back together. Does that sound good?"

I nod quickly, happily accepting as Julius's arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest for a tight hug. Not too tight- he's obviously being very careful around my injuries. But it's firm and safe, and I let my arms run up his back, feeling him against me. For a moment, I close my eyes, inhaling his scent. I never want him to let go, not after everything that's happened. I've hungered for this moment for so long, for the two of us to finally be alone. I have him until tomorrow morning... but that's not entirely true. I have him for many days after that... and after that...

I'm free... I'm free of the poison that trapped my heart. I want to love someone, for real... I want to love Julius.

After a little bit, his embrace loosens, but he doesn't dare let go. We just lay there together, with me curled up in his arms, in a comfortable silence until I finally speak again.

"So... are the others doing alright?"

Julius doesn't answer right away, before letting out a long breath. "Yeah... relatively. Things are... pretty quiet."

Quiet.

I wonder... how are they all taking Alice's... condition...?

"Are you... doing okay?" 

Julius's voice softens when he asks me. He doesn't have to get more specific, because I know exactly what he's talking about.

"... no."

How can I be "okay?" My best friend is basically dead down the hall, a dark, scary truth that I keep shutting away in the corner of my mind.

"...I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

A genuine offer. I turn my head a little to look up at him, his eyes pooled with worry. Not just worry; sadness, too. It hurts him to see me like this, it hurts him to know that he couldn't protect Alice either. But... something else too.

... apprehension?

Somehow... there's something wrong with this situation, and he knows it. 

"... yeah..."

I let my fingers thread with his, where our hands lay on the pillow next to our heads.

"... help me forget."

I close my eyes before he even moves, feeling him shift and turn towards me. A moment later, his lips hit mine, his hand coming down to hold the side of my face. The kiss is gentle, slow, thoughtful, but laced with something intoxicating that immediately turns my mind into mush. My hand slides on top of his as I kiss back softly, not wanting to push myself to go too fast even though every cell in my body wants him to devour me. Julius shifts again, rolling on top of me, his free hand clutching the fabric of the pillow beside my head as he props himself up. 

Somewhere deep inside, I feel a tinge of fear.

No... this isn't like back then.

I want this... so, so much.

I open my eyes a little to look up at him. Julius smiles down at me, his eyes so tender and soft. "I still can't believe it sometimes..." he whispers. The breeze wafts through the window over our bodies, as calm as can be. In a way, this feels like a dream... a dream that I never want to leave. But worry once again flashes in Julius's eyes. "I want to be with you... so bad... god..." He lets out a sigh and his head hands down to rest against my shoulder. "I don't want your fiance to hurt you..."

"Oh... Lawrence?" I smile a little, realizing that I finally have good news. "He's not my fiance anymore. I dumped him the other day."

"WHAT?!" Julius sits up at once, his eyes widening to the size of dinnerplates. "You're kidding! What happened?!"

I grin as I sit up as well. "He came with my parents... he wanted me to leave the magic knights and get married! But I told him to fuck off!" Pride swells in my chest. "He was pissed, but he accepted it. So... I'm a free woman now."

Julius's relief turns into joy, and he quickly grabs me in his arms, a tight embrace that knocks the air out of me. "Wow... you did it! You did..." He pulls back to look at my face again. "I'm so happy for you... and... it might be selfish, but..." For the first time, his own cheeks start to redden. "... I'm happy for me too... we won't have to sneak around as much now, right?"

I nod happily. "We should take it slow... I don't want to shock the others too much." I run my hand through the base of his hair, enjoying the feeling of the soft locks. "But yeah... we don't have to keep this secret." I blink, feeling tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes. "I-I thought that nightmare would never end... but because of you, I was able to escape."

Julius shakes his head, leaning in to kiss me again. "No, darling... it ended because of you. Because you're strong."

Strong...

Maybe love isn't about allowing yourself to be weak... maybe it's about being strong together.

I happily let him pull me closer once again, my cheek smushed against his chest. I can feel his heart beating as we both settle down. It's only midday- but I have him until tomorrow morning. And after that... and after that...

"You're all mine..." Julius whispers against the top of my hair. "I still hardly believe it... but you're all mine."

I smile, closing my eyes, and letting myself melt away.

Yes... Julius... I am all yours... and you're all mine.

NEXT TIME: MC finally returns home, but Julius has been working on an investigation behind the scenes. Alice's attack may not have been by chance...

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1994

Back in the day, M6 (what used to be the French equivalent of MTV) would broadcast a lot of music videos and my favorite to watch were always the Dance ones.

What I’m trying to say is that you won’t like this list either.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones

There’s so many honorable mentions this time I’m gonna list them all, with some short commentary in some cases:

Another Night - Real McCoy

Mangez-moi - Billy Ze Kick (this is a novelty song about eating shrooms. Obviously I didn’t get that as a kid.)

Nouveau Western - MC Solaar (this guy is going to end up on a list eventually, watch this space.)

Linger - the Cranberries

La Corrida - Francis Cabrel (this is a song about a corrida seen from the perspective of a bull and it’s horribly tragic.)

Think About the Way - Ice MC

Juste Après - Fredericks, Goldman & Jones (this is a song about a guy watching a documentary about a nurse who just saved a baby who was about to die at birth and he’s wondering what she was thinking about afterwards. Only in a Goldman hit song, I guess.)

Loser - Beck (the fact that this song didn’t make the list just because of two Eurodance acts should enrage every single person I ever met who tried to convince me Beck was the best artist of the 90s.)

10 - Saturday Night (Whigfield)

US: Not on the list / FR: #28

Yep. Goldman and Beck were kept off the list by Whigfield and Reel 2 Real.

I have nothing more to say about that.

9 - I Like To Move It (Reel 2 Real)

US: Not on the list / FR: #6

Nowadays I’m pretty sure everyone is thinking about Madagascar and bouncy lemurs first when they hear this song, but holy S H I T did it sound dangerous and menacing back when I was a kid. If Eurodance was full of wizards and magic and epic fights to little me back then, that singer right there was definitely the evil sorcerer of the land and all would recoil before his power.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to grow up in a country where you can understand 99% of the songs playing on the radio, and I can’t help but think it might be slightly less interesting.

8 - Streets of Philadelphia (Bruce Springsteen)

US: #54 / FR: #13

If my taste in music was less shitty this would be much higher. Alas, you’re reading the lists of someone who genuinely thinks Haddaway is amazing, so yeah.

Possibly one of the saddest songs ever written but the pleasant and soft music makes it incredibly beautiful, which in turn makes it sound even more tragic and ugh it always makes me want to cry. It’s so perfect. It’s so potent I knew it was a tragic and beautiful song long before I started to learn English and could understand a single word of it. And yet it’s only #8, because the fact it destroys me every time makes it hard to listen to it very often.

EDIT: I was browsing my old top 30s to take pictures for the next top 10s and I was shocked to discover I had actually put that song on one of my lists at the time, so take that as you will.

7 - Always (Erasure)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

The fact that this kind of weird new wave still existed AND charted in 1994 is nothing short of a miracle and makes absolutely no sense, but I’m not gonna complain. Not my favorite Erasure single by a mile though (that would be Oh l’Amour. Not surprising at all, I know).

Also I dare you not to laugh at the lyrics, especially the first line ("Open your eyes and see... your eyes are open"). Campy in all the best ways. Do I feel bad for putting it above Streets of Philadelphia? Oh yes. Will I change my mind? Probably not.

6 - 7 Seconds (Youssou N’Dour & Neneh Cherry)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1

#1 on the French year-end list, like, damn. Sometimes quality wins, I guess. But yeah, I remember this song being everywhere, to the point I’m surprised it never really charted in the US. It was overplayed to death by the radio here.

And yet... I never, ever grew tired of hearing it. Never. Not even at the time. It is that good. It’s one of the best hits of the decade if not the best.

Of course I’m gonna put some stupid shit above that song but I beg you to listen to it if, for some extraordinary reason, you’ve never heard it before.

5 - Here Comes The Hotstepper (Ini Kamoze)

US: #85 / FR: Not on the list (#10 the next year though!)

I don’t have anything to say about this song in particular. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s one of the best songs to listen to while walking because you always feel super cool, even if you objectively look like wet garbage. It just gives you an automatic +2 in charisma. That’s just the way it is.

4 - Return to Innocence (Enigma)

US: #33 / FR: Not on the list

I listened to this song on a loop for literal days when I was 15 or so.

It’s not one of the best Enigma tracks and this album isn’t even one of my faves, but listen, I’m a simple human, I see an Enigma song that charted, I put it on my list. That being said, it’s still beautiful and moving and weirdly powerful for such a soft song. And it’s not like I will have any more opportunities to put Enigma on my lists after that, so I’ll gladly take what I can get.

3 - Move On Baby (Cappella)

US: Not on the list / FR: #78

These guys had such strange music videos, full of weird props, costumes and masks, and as you can guess it was fascinating to me at the time. It still is, mostly. It’s great eurodance but with the added bonus of weird, peak new wave-like visuals. In another music video, the guy had a time machine and was wearing a top hat and was meeting Egyptian gods, a medieval princess and possibly himself!

But yeah, even without the visuals, this is a killer beat that stays in your head but never gets annoying. I love it, it’s been on my playlist for years now, and only a king of Eurodance can top this.

You already know who’s coming.

2 - Rock My Heart (Haddaway)

US: Not on the list / FR: #54

This is the song (and the video - may I remind you I was mostly hearing these songs on tv because of the French musical channel) that cemented Haddaway as “one of the coolest, most beautiful people alive and possibly a wizard” to me. Because he had a cane and it was CLEARLY a magic staff to me. Also, in my eyes, all his friends in the video looked like mysterious goddesses and spirits. Because I was six, mostly. But come on, look at them, you can’t blame me.

This is still on my mp3 playlist to this day, by the way, if you were wondering.

Why isn’t it #1 if I love it so much, you ask?

1 - The Rhythm of the Night (Corona)

US: Not on the list (...yet) / FR: #7

All hail the queen of eurodance, who is actually not credited on the single and isn’t even in the music video: Jenny B. These vocals are so. good. It’s repetitive and catchy in all the ways I love, it has an untouchable synth beat, I listened to it hundreds of times and it never gets old. N E V E R. The colors in this melody, holy SHIT

And that music video with the weird cabalistic circles is partly responsible for making me believe eurodance was the music of wizards and magic when I was a kid.

And that’s a wonderful thing.

Next up: A list with a top 3 in which every song is actually possible to defend? Sounds fake but okay