#i did not intend chris to be the narrator but whoops

[sammygiddings]

Josh and Ashley, Theatre AU?

“Chris, please tell Josh that he set up too many lights for this scene.”

“Chris, Will you please tell Ashley that the lighting is perfect and it’s her fucking stupid rewrite that are ruining the scene!”

Chris stood in between this two best friends in the world. He didn’t even want to be working for the play anyways, but the two of them practically begged him to be the sound director since their last one had to drop out after her dad passed. He expected it to be boring, and lame, but at least Josh and Ash would be there so that would make it fun. He thought he’d joke around with them, and they’d get a bite to eat after the super long rehearsals. Chris was oh so very wrong.

“Actually! Chris, tell Josh if he wrote the climax better, I wouldn’t have to rewrite the entire thing!”

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH MY CLIMAX?!?!”

“WHY THE FUCK WOULD A GIRL FALL IN LOVE WITH A GUY SHE MET TWO SECONDS AGO!

“HE SAVED HER FROM THE MAFIA!”

“YES! A PLACE THAT YOU ESTABLISHED THAT THEY THREATENED TO SEXUALLY ASSULT HER! NO GIRL IS GONNA RUN INTO THE ARMS OF A STRANGER AFTER THAT!!”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!?!?” Chris shouted. The two of them her red in the face, and Chris was convinced they would have pounced at each other if it weren’t for the fact he was in between the two of them. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Ashley so angry. Josh on the other hand, he knew would get tis worked up over someone tampering with his script, hell Ashley did too. Which of course, made it a bigger “fuck you” to Josh than it wold have been if it were someone else.

“CHRIS! Tell the red-haired devil that this isn’t a stupid Jane Austin play and the people want resolution!”

“Well! Chris, be sure to tell the butt muncher that he needs to stop jacking himself off at his own writing and admit that it was shit!”

“YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT SHIT?!?!” Chris threw his arm up, as Josh lunged forward. He was amazed at just how much rage could fit inside such a tiny pair of teens.

“Woah, woah!” Chris said. Ashley turned her back to them, not at all looking afraid of Josh, and fuming from the ears. She humphed a little to herself, crossing her arms and sticking her nose slightly in the air. Josh on the other hand looked ready to kill, and Chris knew he needed a time out. “Let’s take a walk.”

“Not until we settle this-”

“No,” Chris said, dragging him away by his arm, “we’re taking a breather.” Josh glared at Ashley the whole way as Chris pulled in out of the green room and into the hall. He vaguely remembered a few of the actors mentioning that Josh and Ashley fight often as the director and writer of the theater. But this, even the actors saw this play as a legendarily bad one. It was Josh’s first time as Co-writer and every little idea that Ashley had that was different than his caused major fights.

“She,” Josh pointed to the closed door separating him for Ashley. “Needs to shut up!”

“Dude, What the fuck is wrong with you?” Chris asked. “Why are you being such a...” he paused, not fully wanting to say the word.

“A what?” Josh asked, a fire fuming in his eyes. Chris really really did not want to start something with Josh but he knew Josh would just keep asking if he didn’t answer.

“A dick.” Chris answered.

“Oh, sorry!” Josh said, throwing up his arms. “I forgot, you’ve got a fucking hard one for little red in there!” Chris’s eye brows knitted together as a furious scowl appeared on his face.

“Stop!” Chris shouted.

“What? scared you’re little secret crush is gonna get exposed?!?!”

“Josh! Enough!” Josh looked a little shocked at Chris raising his voice. It wasn’t often he did it for Josh, but Chris was not dealing with any of his shit today. There was a silence between them and Chris lifted his hand in the air, opening and closing his mouth as he thought was what to say next. He was pissed at how Josh was treating Ashley, but Josh was still his friend, and not the best person to piss off if one is trying to show why they’re right.

“What are you even going on about?” Chris asked, the only this he could think of that he knew wouldn’t piss off Josh. “I don’t have a dumb crush on Ashley!”

“What?” Josh asked.

“Dude, she’s like a little sister. A crazy smart, weird little sister that may or may not have tried to kill me that one time.” Josh’s eyes grew wide, his mouth falling open slightly.

“REally?” He asked, shouting more confused than shocked.

“Yeah!” Chris answered. “dude, I’m Ace. I am not even slightly attracted romantically or physically to her. Ashley is just my friend.”

“In my experience, guys and girl can never ‘just be friends’“ Josh said, still sounding skeptical. Chris loved Josh, he really did, but there were times Josh would say something just so stupid, Chris wasn’t sure whether to fight him or pity him.

“That might be the sadness thing you’ve ever told me.” Chris said choosing pity. “Seriously, that’s just so fucking stupid.”

“But let me get this straight,” Josh said ignoring Chris’s comment completely. “You do not have any slight feeling for Ashley. Like zero of that shit.” Chris rolled his eyes, still amazed at how much he had to spell it out for the guy.

“Yes! Geeze, Josh!”

“Why?” Josh asked.

“What?”

“I mean, how could you not?!?! Look at her, she’s amazing! Like tiny yeah, but I’m not that much taller so you know, but for you she must be an ant. An ant with like, really really good legs, and a surprisingly big ass for a white skinny girl.” Everything suddenly clicked for Chris. “and I mean, she’s like a puppy. Like her big big eyes and soft skin. Like not Angelina Jolie fine but like Ellen Page, girl next door, kinda fine.” 

Chris shook his head. 

“What?” Josh asked.

“You are like a second grader,” Chris said, laughing slightly. 

“I mean probably but why?” That made Chris start laughing.

“Nothing,” Chris said shaking his head. “No reason, just ahhhh, knowing now that I have ZERO romantic feeling for Ashley and for anyone at all, why don’t you go and try to make peace with her.”

“I don’t see how knowing that will change anything!” Josh said. “I mean, the girl is just unreasonable!”

“Well, just try,” and with that, Chris pushed Josh back into the green room and waited. 

There was screaming at first, which Chris thought nothing of, but then as it continued five minutes later he was starting to get nervous. Chris looked around, there was no one else in the hall with him. That made him a little more nervous, he did not want to be the only one keeping ashley from ripping Josh’s head off. She’d kill him without a second thought.

Suddenly, the screaming stopped and there was a clanking sound. Like something had been thrown. without second thought, Chris bursted into the room, expecting to see Josh on top on Ashley, but not quite in the way he thought.

Ashley was pinned up against the make-up table, moaning as Josh had his face buried in her neck. Chris froze, too shocked to move, and then Ashley’s eyes opened and she squealed.

“Oh my GOD!” She screamed, instantly her eyes growing wide on horror. “CHRIS!” She tired to push Josh off of her, slapping away a wandering hand Chris hadn’t noticed before. Josh turned to his, looking completely breathless.

“Dude!” He shouted, and instantly Chris threw his hand over his eyes, and felt his face grow warmer than it ever had before. 

“SORRY!” he shouted and he shot out of the room slamming the door behind him. For a long time, Chris was too embarrassed to even move, than when he calmed down, he felt a strange calmness. That image was forever engraved in his mind and would disgust him till the day he died, but at least the weird sexual tensioned fueled fights would stop and they’d finally get the damn play ready for show night.