#i didnot know im so introvert

[andreainlove]

after you leave school, adapting to the new environment is the real issue tbh

[flugmunk]

fuck it let me tell yall little story here. so for highschool the place i went to was off the norm for different schools in that there was internships shoved in so that every thursday kids can go out to the Great Big World and. do shit. get job experiance nd ll tht. to get aheaad of the curb. WELL me being an art nerd thinking my life would revolve aroun art stuff so OBViousLY i gotta do an art thing for internships. couldnt find shit for ninth grade so helped round with the cafeteria. free food. 10nth grade i was approched by two kids who haad plans to work on a film at some place and asked if i wanted in. they would do everything else and my role would be just to work on a small little animation segment for the film. i had no plans by then so well. fuck it. i agreed and joined. better than stuck in classrooms. now the thing about me nd animation is that i had. NO prior knowledge. sure i made a few gifs but thats. that is still comparable to nothing. and the animation was JUST ME. storyboard, character design. background. timing. colors. sound. JUST ME. except for the voice. i didnt know shit fuck all. and i only had one school years worth- once a week of that- and 5 hours out of THAT. to do my shit. for free mind you because it was a school based internship program. and while the other two are doing whatever else for the film, they check on me every now and then to see how progress is going along. and im a shy quiet introverted fuckermother back then and im all like "oh im fine im fine immmm fiiiiiiinnnneeee" because i didnt wanna let them down. meanwhile as i stand in their way to block the view of a burning shithouse. things were not fine. only halfway through did the internship place offer me someone WITH animation experience to guide me. guide. not helping. guide. because help would imply that now here is two people to share the work of this animation bullshit. nah that person was just there to be all "and heres what you click if you wanna do this thing in this overpriced program". eventually the thing ends, shit is ready to get wrapped up. final day. i thought i lost everything nd stayed like a couple hours searching through all the files. THANKfully i didnt actually loose the project. now i can just give it to the other two film people. i dint know shit what they were doing for the film the entire time, i was busy with wrangling the stuff of this damn animation. wanna know the best part of all this? i never gotten to watch the final product of the film. i dont even know if my animated segment is even in there. i dont have the file for said animation with me. and frankly i dont care. its over. but thats only the beginning. heres what i did for 11-12th grade for the intern program. under a read more cuz this post is already getting long.

those two years i combined because i ended up stretching the project. this time i managed to find a place all on my own. coincidentally a place that is responsible with some big film festival thing that i never attended. now the thing bout school based internships, is there the students gotta make a project for the benefit of the place. so no it could not just be normal (unpaid) office/grounds work. done with under the mentoring of a person who works at the place. the first few weeks i was just helping sort through mail, thinking of what to do for the project^tm.

motherfucker do yall wanna know what me, the mentor and the teacher that showed up to check up, came up with for the project? guess. thaats right. another goddamn animation. ALLLL ON MY OWN RAWDOGGED. huwehh. this animation was to be of "how to get tickets for attending the film festivals." sounds good enough. surely i could use the experiance ive gained only one year prior right?

listen. my memory was absolute shit. i didnot learn jack shit bout how to make animation. wanna know what my process was like? what i actually did in ordder to create a moving image? open ph*toshop. draw everything. everything. in there. savve everything as a png. put each damn png into whaatever program was to replace flash. slap the sound file atop. resist the urge to toss the equipment out the window. save final file as finished product. THAT is what id did for the internship animation the year prior. i knew that thats the worst way to go about things but its the only way i knew how. for the 11-12th grade thing, i did tht shit again. the revious year was for around 1:30 minutes long i had to do. this time was around 2 minutes. thats extraa more for me to do. alone. unpaid. again. and again it was just me on the animation. the mentor person had other things to be busy with. but this time i felt even more shitty because its already looking like shit and i still didnt want to let anyone down. the end of the year was coming up, things had to wrap up. i knew i wasnt gonna be finished. the school and job people allowed me to take the designated laptop with me to do what i need to do. i spent half way through the summer bullshiting my way through. i finished, sent the people the final file. got on the bus. went to the job place. returned the laptop. and said the final goodbyes to whoever was in the building. after that i also, didnt see what became of the animation. i never bothered checking the website. i dont even know if they even HAVE the file anymore. the mentor person got dropped out of the job halfway through anyway but at least there was a backup mentor so that i could stay around. all this just for a grade. all this just for experience. all this for experiance tht i would then forget and regret. I SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR FUCKING NATURAL ENVIORMENT WORK OR SOMETHING. restoration work or cleaning up or or. ANYTHING. theres surely pleanty of that needed. but alas time machines dont exist.