#i didnt edit the rest of the post because im lazy though

[dandelionstep-moved]

hello fellow villager haters...... a while ago i made a mc resource pack that replaces all villagers and villager subspecies in Minecraft with my own new species based on piglins & pig villagers from DS , & it never got promo’d here (oops) so i am posting it now...

it works with optifine 1.14 - 1.19.2 as well as dorianpb’s CEM mod for 1.18 - 1.19.2 and you can download it here if you’d like :D

[orenjibot]

This is just me airing out a bit of my grievances right now so I’ll put it under a read more. It WILL be long but i will try to keep it short or make a tl;dr at the end of it. Idk honestly.

I WILL NOT delete this AT ALL because i swear I’m not bound by any legal NDA or anything and i’m not even trying to start shit with people. I’m just PISSED OFF and need to share it once and for all.

Edit: I added a tl;dr if you guys don’t want to read my thoughts.

So okay. I had a rant about trying hard to be in a community of any kind in a post I reblogged. I will spare the details of not having the right tools to COPE with my adhd since it made me socially awkward and basically come off as a weirdo and stuff. I have improved lots since but like you know lmaooo

You see. Here’s this thing about my thoughts of my time as a mod on the compass en (fan) discord. I was a mod for this community for years, only because we were severely UNDERSTAFFED for years to the point where I was essentially the ONLY person doing any mod work what so ever. This isn’t to blame other people or mods though. It’s a fan group anyways, people have obligations, people change interests, people hate what the group has become and ETC. I was never mad in these situations.

The issues I’ve had with being a mod was essentially just not knowing what to do and what was okay. Like there was one person who would constantly just act horny 25/7 and it seemed like??? Everyone was okay with that??? Like??? There were minors??? In the server????????? And also those jokes made me uncomfy like it’s a public server not a friend group.

I didn’t want to do too much where it comes off as being on a powertrip or SILENCING people based on a simple dislike/disagreement. The laid back moderation wasn’t a bad thing and not that many people were horrible people (and most of them were good people who stop when told). Essentially, it made it so that a lot of members in the server when confronted with directly would basically NEVER take any mod seriously. On multiple occasions, it pissed me off on a personal level.

But what can I even do? I’m only one person and the server owner was busy most of the time and can’t afford to put any time into dealing with the server anymore. It was truly a time where I was just off on my own and idk what to do.

Anyways, I’ll be skipping ahead of the timeline and to the one time we had to demote a mod entirely for improper mod behavior.

So this guy… I’ll call this guy Allen to avoid dropping names— so Allen here was allegedly DATING a minor. Yeah. So as the “head mod” I did grapple with whether or not I should bring it up with the rest of the other mods and even the server owner. I kept hearing more and more shit from him which was FURTHER backed up by the fact that I was actually griping about it for a long time until the guy finally got his fucking shit together one time after I left cause the bozo basically did nothing anyways.

It made me absolutely livid how this guy saw being a mod as some sort of status for clout. Like this guy flat out was making fun of being a mod for the server and basically just went “I dont have to do anything cause everyone’s asleep when I’m awake and awake when im asleep! So easyyyy lmaoooo”

There is NO actual proof about this, but this was backed up by the fact that he did absolutely nothing and continued to shove everything for me to do. So like, the dude was basically a lazy ass mofo.

I didn’t even know anything about the guy dating a minor until someone told me about it and sent us proof of it. A lot of us were of the mindset that “it didn’t rly matter to us what they did as long as it was sfw so we don’t have to take immediate action” but… we saw both of them chat in the cps server and for sure they were sending nsfw shit to each other based on what they’re saying about hcs (like it had waaay too much sexual energy in there to say they didnt talk about nsfw privately amongst themselves).

I really got bit pissed off at all of this so I took it up to everyone immediately. Like first of all, the server also has minors so it was really a huge red flag for us to keep the guy around as a mod.

This happened when Allen was trying to host his very own tournament (last year around this time), but failed cause he decided to put it off to oblivion and even rushed me to do everything. I volunteered to help but only to stream it and nothing else. When i brought it up to him that I can take over and do everything so he didn’t have to, he declined. Like this guy did nothing at all and expected ME to do it all for him when i made it clear from the get go that I wasn’t going to do that. The dude was clearly irresponsible. Even more so than me and he also has adhd like me. Like dude is just a bitch.

It made the poor guy PARANOID. Like he immediately stopped talking in the server after he was demoted and basically stopped working on the tournament all together. I didn’t want anything to do with him after all of this and the fact that he was unapologetic about dating a minor as long as there’s love. Like no. Bro. Wtf. (I heard this second hand so take that with a grain of salt)

Now here’s the kicker. Out of personal spite, and to not leave my work unused, I decided to host my own tournament after some time has passed. It was a challenge that I enjoyed, but I’m not cut out for stuff like this so I wasn’t going to do it anymore than one time.

But guess what? Allen joined the tournament with his team. And this was the team that gave me SHIT when we (me and my two helpers) had to give them a DQ for basically doing everything wrong. I wasn’t even surprised that something was going to come up with this group. It only sucked because they sure wrapped up a now former friend of mine into their whole schtick and basically started to hate me for something they clearly didn’t do right.

Not only did they think we were powertripping, they deadass thought we did it out of spite for them. Like no. We didn’t even do that. Like it’s a casual tournament but we had rules to abide by and it would be unfair to let them play when everyone else followed directions, read the rules, and was doing as told. That team did NONE of that and said that we, the staff, did it out of favoritism.

Like c’mon that was the SILLIEST reason I have ever heard. Imagine it being favoritism because EVERYONE ELSE FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS.

Granted, I can agree that my attitude wasn’t the best because I was tired and also FED UP with the fact that they didn’t even listen to what I was saying as the organizer. They flat out ignored all I was saying and decided on their own that I was okay with everything. Like no I’m not trying to make a callout post on them so I won’t post any proof of this, but ask anyone who was the staff with me during the tournament and they can give proof.

I will also say that my instructions wasn’t clear half of the time so I can understand that they might’ve been confused aside from not reading it. I will say that I didn’t make it extra clear at all about the timeframe. I had a lot going on the latter half of November and most of December so I know that that was on me. But they deliberately threw everything onto my shoulders and expect me to organize their team for them which is stupid to begin with.

The biggest reason why this did happen was because my former friend didn’t respond to a question I had asked ahead of time about their schedule. I had asked for them to tell me if their schedule in JST, so japan time. She only gave me a weekend schedule and nothing else so I assumed she answered in jst. And this point when I asked again to confirm if this time was okay, her two teammates responded in her stead by saying “yeah it seems like she’s free at this time”, which also meant that we all read her reply the same exact way.

She came out to tell me when I was asleep, that she couldn’t make it and didn’t even TRY to talk it out with my other staff and I only woke about a couple hours before their scheduled time cause I sleep funky hours. Like they expect me to get everything sorted out in 2 hours??? Like??? That’s not enough time??? And we couldnt find anything that worked with the staff and their opposing team, so they HAVE to play at their scheduled time.

Then they said they’ll find a sub, which technically isn’t allowed without prior discussion. They clearly didn’t read the substitution INSTRUCTIONS either. I still had every right to decline them of a sub since they didn’t ask for permission for one and assumed that it was okay.

But like whatever man, I didn’t care by the time we discussed this far. They then basically just…. Didn’t even tell us anything afterwards for an hour and 20 minutes. Like an hour before their match started and 10-15 mins after where they had a short waiting period before we hand them a DQ. We had strict attendance rules and it was their responsibility to let us know they found a sub before their match started… And not AFTER we handed them a DQ.

They tried to argue with us that we have to let them play and that they couldn’t “understand” why they can’t. Like it wasn’t that hard to understand that we couldn’t do that because it was unfair to everyone else who was following the rules. I couldn’t reschedule it to a different time due to everyone’s busy schedules and it would require having to do everything over again. Like granted, it was my first time doing this and I was very stubborn on not asking for too much help because I didn’t want to rely too much on people. It just came at a bad time when everyone was busy too. So I admit to just being an inexperienced first time tournament organizer and knowing that a part of this is also my fault, but not entirely.

Like, again, this really wasn’t done out of personal malice or anything of the sort. But this team also went out of their way to cause problems for everyone involved and basically quit last minute when it was time for their other match (after they got DQ’d for their match in the semis), which pissed the other team off. They led everyone to believe that the staff did something wrong, when really it was their incompetence and miscommunication that led to everything happening. I offered my side of the reasoning for what we did to my former friend who was the only one who tried to at least talk to me, but instead kind of gave me an attitude like I owed her something.

I actually thought she was blaming herself for what happened and I said stuff that said I was sorry and she didn’t deserve that, only to find out that… they thought it was…….. favoritism?? And I was just… “????? Huh????” So like… I don’t know what I can even say when they believed something so comedically foolish. They’ve been watching way too many dramas man like if I wanted to be spiteful, I wouldn’t do something that heinous. I also make it clear when I dislike people so if anything, I would’ve just trashed their application from the get go to be petty. I don’t have the energy to plan it out like that or even be that petty as to not let them play. If that was a concern to begin with, they could’ve just not joined at all. I did so much to work with their schedules and yet they conveniently threw it out the window in favor of a fictional revenge plot they made up. Disrespectful.

I still never gotten an apology or even an admittance that they misunderstood what was going on. I can only apologize for things I have done, which was just sounding crabby and being unclear about stuff. But favoritism was not something I or anyone did. This still hurts me right now. Even if they don’t want to apologize to me, apologize to everyone else.

The only saving grace was that when all of this was happening, all the participants didn’t ask or question us directly too much on what was going on. It, at least, showed to us that they were confused and/or also knew that we (the staff) wouldn’t do something this egregious. Still, it hurt that everyone didn’t even try to defend me and was perhaps skeptical, like maybe I am this irresponsible (I’m not).

However, there is more to my grievances about this.

Aside from feeling like no one respected me at all, even when I’m the one with the MOST POWER in the conersation, someone told me how everyone (in their server) wanted them to host the tournament. Like, it was very hurtful to hear that everyone else wanted this person to do the job. That everyone wanted them to do everything. It really pissed me off. Being a mod IS a damn thankless job, but I have never felt so hurt and betrayed. I was doing so much for everyone and was trying to make things more fun for people, but nah. They really wanted this cool person that everyone loved and babied, and not some boring old guy like me. Well, I’m sorry I made everyone’s times there boring and bland as fuck. I hope you guys are having more fun now that I’m not there ruining it for you all.

No one even tried to actually defend me when all of this WAS happening. Like? They really left me for dead. Not a single person wanted to believe me or support me until I said all that I could share about it in DMs. Then they all realized that the Allen’s team were being petty about it.

I’m ridiculously tired because this wasn’t EVEN drama to begin with. It was just Allen’s team being vengeful (mostly just Allen and his bestie who was in the team). I was just being dragged down simply because they couldn’t take an L.

Had Allen’s team came up with a better rebuttal, I would’ve let them play. Had they said they got a sub before we gave them a DQ, I would’ve let them play. They did not even try to have a discussion with us and tried to be petty because they thought we were being petty. Like please we don’t got time for your kiddy fights, man. I hope you’re all happy that I suffered for whatever the fuck y’all did.

It was just so damn weird how they correlated this as a “power trip” when…….. it really wasn’t that and everyone could probably read the chat log and will still say that it seemed like miscommunication. Like literally no one got in trouble for anything because it was just… wasn’t even the problem they made it out to be. This was something they could’ve tried to talk it out reasonably with us but they chose NOT to. That is ON THEM entirely.

Given how I was also repeatedly just being disregarded even AS a mod, I was completely fed up with it all. When there were issues, no one brought it up to the mods directly??? And told the server owner instead??? LIKE??? He never even told me that’s how everyone actually felt, i only knew because when I used to be in Ann’s server, they all told me what they felt about the changing times of the server (which can’t be helped in most cases) AND the fact that I can tell that’s how people felt based on the vibes.

Was I really THAT untrustworthy as a person and a mod?? Was I really that incompetent to everyone???

I always felt like I was some half rate guy that no one liked. I tried because I knew that without someone there to manage it, it would’ve been so much worse. But it seemed like to me that everyone thought I was useless and a waste of space. They rather have that popular someone everyone loved to do my job for them. It would be so much better and much more fun, right? I agree.

I didn’t become a mod because I wanted clout. I wanted to help. I did it out of the pure love and appreciation of finding this community at one of the worst times of my life. And I still do want to help, but after all of this? Good luck on that. You all have to beg for me to come back to help. None of you guys deserve me at all.

Anyways, yeah, this is the extent to my side of the story WITH my personal thoughts and opinions on it. I don’t have the energy to make a tl;dr right now after saying all of this. So i’ll make an edit for it later.

This is why I personally left the server and cut off most of the people who I met there if they didn’t try to contact me again or get back in touch with me… And assuming I didn’t contact them first.

There’s just too much bad feelings in it for me to want to stay around. The thing with Ann and some couple others before her and this whole thing, all were as a result of being in this community, made me realize that they don’t want me around anymore. I figured it was time to me to step down or take more of a backseat, but now? Early retirement. Fuck this shit man.

Tl;dr: This is a rant of one of my MANY grievances about being a mod in the compass server. I am not blaming anyone for any of this as I understand that this was just the result of the circumstances that happened with everyone at the time.

The key points being:

Understaffed mod team and a busy server owner, which led me to struggle with modding as I wasn’t sure what was okay and what wasn’t, and overall a lot of work on me being the only person modding a whole server of people. I didn’t mention it before but it stressed me out constantly for years.

Having to demote a mod for misconduct. His list of crimes goes from bad work ethics, bad display of behavior on multiple occasions as a mod, irresponsible with organization (tried to host his own tournament but failed and had me doing most of the heavy lifting before it was ultimately “canceled”), and the worst of all: dating a minor (5 years younger than he was). This point later comes back as this former mod (whom I called Allen for the sake of using a name, it isn’t his name/online handle) joined my tournament with his team.

The team being the one that caused me a lot of trouble because they firmly believed that we were abusing our power and said we deliberately sabotaged them on purpose. None of which was true and I’m sure a lot of people have noticed this, but I refrained from dropping too much details as I’m not here to start shit or make it a callout post. Talk to the two helpers and they can probably explain it better. I listed various reasons for this happening and debunking some potential misunderstandings. The issue was largely miscommunication and I am aware of the issues it caused.

Most of this from that point onward was just my personal thoughts about feeling unappreciated, even under-appreciated, for all the stuff I have done. This extends from members not respecting what I had to say to feeling as if people didn’t want to listen to me or want me around because they thought I was useless, irresponsible, incompetent, and boring. “Clearly”, they don’t want someone like me as a mod so I left as a result of that. There is a lot more it but this is but a summary, so read it all if you want more details.

Overall, I’ve been disrespected and disregarded heavily before, but it felt somewhat clear to me that the community had a bias and very much wanted me to leave despite all that I was doing to make the server a better place to be in. I left after determining that they do not deserve me and if they want me back, they are all going to have to BEG for me to come back.

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[feverhalo]

So. Heres this old fic from uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I really don’t remember how long ago. Originally I had it split into 3 parts on the posts that inspired it- and it was my first attempt at writing anything along the lines of stuffing, but it kind of ended up more like he was already coming down with something. It was on my first attempt at a fic blog- way back when and it got deleted because I didnt know how sideblogs worked back then and goofed. Thought I lost everything, then I found an old disc with a whole whack of it on there.

At the moment I can only find 2 of the 3 posts of the art that inspired it here and here. I’ll link the missing post as soon as I find it.

so um, warnings for vomit, cussing, and over-eating-ish and mentions of drinking. and I also am not editing it because im super lazy so its in the same glory as it was when i posted it years ago (2012 apparently)

2,864 words, apparently.

“Come on people! When I say I want you all mobilized in fifteen I don’t mean in half a damn hour. I mean twenty minutes ago.” Fury fumed over the intercom from his station on scene. His voice bounced off the inside of the transport van and rung through each individual earpiece. “Rise and shine, ‘cause we are in a fucking war against some baddies if you haven’t all noticed. You are my agents and I am expecting you to do your damn jobs at my order.”

“Load of fucking shit,” the sniper agent to Clint’s left mumbled, “two a.m. wakeup call is horseshit. I just finished a mission and got back at ten last night.”

“Yeah, welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D brother, what did you think this was? Day camp?” Clint double checked his packet was still together. He’d read it once they got to their positions, it was too dark inside the van. He shook his head a bit when the other agent went back to fuming. Running on low sleep was nothing, sure the headaches and fuzziness were a pain in the ass sometimes but it’s not hard to get used to. You have to get used to it in this job. Same with messed up schedules on basically everything. They would get an hour tops to set up and get ready for a long haul on their stations.

What he managed to make sense of before climbing in the back of the vehicle through his sleep-fogged mind was that they needed to be ready for anything by three thirty, three forty five at the latest with the other crew up ahead of them set up. He rubbed his face trying to wake up more, must be all the time he’s spent on normal schedule lately, it was causing a real issue. He wasn’t looking forward to the no doubt shitty and militant type food they were all going to have for breakfast within the next hour either. He was getting soft on the new routine of near-normal sleep and actual tasteful food instead of vacuum packed crap made for boosting endurance.

He leaned back to try and get into the mindset for the day. It was going to be a very very long one. Someone mentioned they might be stuck out there until seven that night. By then they’d have relief agents come in to give them a break, but as Hawkeye, well he was probably expected to stay around. Most teams wouldn’t shelf their best shooter if they could help it. He’d probably get a nap in at some stationed area. Though the accidental nap he got on the way there wasn’t something he completely cursed even though he didn’t like the fact of it.

“Alright, come on move out you all got a lot to go over and not much time.” The voice crackling into his ear is what startled him awake, and the hatch of the van swinging open definitely helped make that happen faster. Keeping near silent, everyone filed out and headed into the building while Agent Hill took control of their transport and directed it to their station a little ways away hidden in a different building.

Everyone was handed a pack; filled with the shitty food and bottles of water for their posts, their weapons if they hadn’t brought any and extra ammo and pieces if they did, additional intel for their briefing packages according to pay grade, and some quick hushed instruction to where they were all to be.

Clint took his without a word and made his way to his post. Abandoned, or purposefully emptied, industrial building and the usual sort of interior. Too much moving about would give away his position on the metal catwalk. He had a few windows to observe through and a railing to his back. He dropped his pack as lightly and quietly as he could and set himself facing the railing to observe everyone being dispatched while he read over his briefing package.

Exact sort of thing he expected since they woke him up. Nothing too big, but big enough to require a lot of force if anything went bad. He was given another radio code with instructions to call the other Avengers if things turned too ugly. And it was going to be a long-ass day. No break in sight until afternoon if they were lucky. He ripped open the first package of… well. He opened the first nutritional packet and set to work on it mindlessly while he kept reading and rereading. This was coded, but memorizing it and burning it was always his procedure.

By the fourth read through he was nearly done the second pack. Best to eat as much as he could, as much as he hated it and was off-put by eating at such a strange time after the Avengers got together. Professional agent Clint Barton, code name Hawkeye, sharpest shooter as they came- but totally useless without a sugar rush to start him at this time of night, and hell to deal with if he crashes afterward. Carbs, protein, sugar. The three biggest and most annoying things to eat right now, low on time and rushing to compensate for his mental sluggishness at this hour.

He startled himself with a small belch and nearly dropped everything. He did a quick scan and everything seemed normal. Confused for a second longer as to the origin of the sound, he came to the realization when he hiccupped. Ah. Right. He was eating, and apparently at the speed he was reading if the blooming discomfort in his slightly distended abdomen was anything to go by. He took a swig of the only soda from his pack, no doubt put there as a favor from a very sneaky woman. He let it fizz up in his mouth before swallowing it.

New diet. That’s another thing he reminded himself to update S.H.I.E.L.D on before the next mission. He downed some more soda and let the carbonation work its way back out in a few more small burps. It was definitely a good feeling. He just had to work the rest of the air out before the mission started. No big deal.

“Relax Barton,” He shifted in his new ‘nest’, “nothing you haven’t had to do before. Good to know I can still get mission jitters, heh. Maybe this’ll be fun.” He wanted it to be. He definitely wasn’t expecting this call when he decided to turn in early last night. He tried to tell himself the slight trembling feeling, not that he’d let his hands shake at all if it could be helped, was from nerves. Big man in the world now, sure, but unexpected missions always had excitement to them. Sometimes it left you a little shaken in the best ways. Not that he was sure how good this sort of shaken felt yet, all he could say for certain was that it was strange.

He shrugged his shoulders and straightened out before packing away the left overs and digging out a lighter to burn the paper with. The wind howled a little outside, bringing to his mind the chill of the night.

--

An hour later had him leaning lazily at a windowsill; nothing happened yet that needed his attention or intervention. He kept flitting his eyes about in a restless sort of way, glancing about but never focusing too long and trying to keep that trembling, tingling feeling filling him up at bay. He thought back to the night before, and about being so tired.

“See anything?” Another agent’s voice crackled through his earpiece. He pressed down on his microphone button to reply.

“Not a damn thing,” he drawled, “Anything from your sights?”

“Nothing yet,”

He let up off the mic and sighed. He felt his body buzz again in a wave under his skin and couldn’t help but shake his shoulders trying to get it out. Part of his mind nagged at him with a reminder of feeling distinctly unwell last night.

Drinking. Stark roped us all into it. Thinks just because he has a miracle liver means we all do.

Though it was harder to remind himself of that when he had to shake his shoulders and head again to fight off a wave of fuzziness.

--

It wasn’t for another forty-five minutes, and three updates from Fury himself, until Barton had something to hold his attention. He was crouched low at his post and grabbed at the shirt over his stomach as another wave of pain and sudden nausea shot through him. Sure he’d started idly rubbing his stomach a little earlier; he was getting butterflies was all. Usually something happened by now when they got this many people out that fast. He was getting more nervous the entire time, who didn’t when it came to performance issues? He was still having trouble focusing on the vast nothingness happening today by the time the butterflies started. But now this was throwing him off.

“Any news yet? Getting real bored up here,” he clicked the mic off after and waited.

“Nothing. Should be another hour at most. Getting antsy there, a little flighty? Ha.”

“Ha. Leave the jokes to someone who can handle them, Keith.” He turned down the radio and double checked the microphone was off when he curled up tighter into himself and put his head against the sill as another wave of discomfort washed over him.

Eventually, he had to get back up and in proper position. He felt a bit better after some time elapsed and figured as long as he didn’t over do anything and stayed relatively well hydrated he’d be good enough. He turned the radio back up and opened his water bottle as he slid back into the favored hiding position he found where he could stand full height without being seen. Another hour tops and he’d have something in his sights…

Hawkeye swallowed hard and backed away from his post. This was getting a little ridiculous. He stepped back until the guard rail pressed into his back. He hazarded a quick glimpse over before having to go back to staring at part of the wall to calm his roiling stomach, but his eyes didn’t miss a thing. All S.H.I.E.L.D’s other snipers were still focused at their stations. No other agents or personnel were in the area. He figured it was safe enough to sit down for a little and wait this out. Again.

He dropped slowly and cautiously, trying not to upset anything further, and dropped his legs over the side. He pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the guard rail and tried to focus on breathing evenly. At least if it all went to hell, it would go right the hell off his platform. Damn, even some personal snark wasn’t helping anything.

He shut his eyes tight and willed himself not to moan out-loud. Getting seen and getting heard were two ways to royally fuck up in this job, and now were also two ways to grab unwanted attention and ridicule over his gastric distress. His snaked one arm around the bar running at chest level and pulled his head down to lean heavily on it, holding it for dear life if his whitened knuckles were anything to go by. Clint’s other hand rested lightly on his stomach, too nervous to even try and ease the nausea by rubbing or curling up this time. By how ragged his breathing sounded, even trying to call in now wouldn’t work. His jaw felt glued together anyway, he really didn’t trust opening his damn trap for anything. Static fizzled over his earpiece and some other agents gave short updates.

After a few minutes with no relief Clint resigned that he might just actually lose it here. He shoved the microphone back and double checked it was switched off. Still on the right channel so just in case they did need him it was easy to radio back, he couldn’t back out but like hell he could get up right now. His stomach lurched and gurgled, leaving him coughing a little into his hand to stifle the sound and hopefully to help keep everything down. He felt a rush of stifling heat and sweat beaded on his neck.

Did he mention this was going to be a long-ass night?

“Got someone moving.” Clint perked up as best he could in this situation. Not the best idea, he shuddered and folded forward a bit more. He groped blindly for the water bottle he had been taking sips from to help quell the nausea with until now. He popped it open with his teeth and waited for someone else to give up more information. Nobody would realize he wasn’t looking right now, they’d all be too busy searching their own areas and figuring he was either doing the same or trained on the target already.

“Can’t see them.” Clint groaned aloud, unable to help it. He took another sip from the bottle, but just ended up spitting it out.

“I swear I will never say anything bad about anyone ever again…” he started mumbling to himself disjointedly. Promising things to any deity he ever heard of, cursing them all out.

“It’s the Director. No worries, everyone,” Agent Hill came over the comms. “He and I are double checking parts of the perimeter. The targets shouldn’t be this far back at all.”

“Fuck. Fuck everything and the damn horse it rode in on,” he swallowed hard and tried to ignore the burning at the back of his throat.

“Confirmed. It is Director Fury and Agent Hill.”

Radio silence returned for another stretch of time. Felt like almost another hour. Clint spat down on to the floor below again. Finally giving in to the urge to wrap his arm tightly around his middle, he rocked himself slightly to see if it helped. It did for a small moment. He let out a shaky sigh and glanced back over at the windows where the sun was now creeping up through the clouds of dirt and grime on the glass. He considered moving back a bit and laying down before radioing in his distress, but not before he was sure it was something he could handle. After a few more intense seconds he decided that was the best plan of action.

After about four more seconds his stomach decided that was a stupid idea and he needed to keep his ass very still right the hell where it was. And less than a second after that, Barton was parting with a good portion of his stomach’s contents. There was no elegant or quiet and stealthy way to cover that. He retched. He shut his eyes and shook a little harder after the fact. Resting his head, defeated, on the railing again, he Clint tried to work up the strength and his voice well enough to call it in if someone wasn’t already beating him to it.

“Damnit Barton,” Fury’s voice vaulted up to where Hawkeye was slumped, “What the hell?!”

Clint opened his eyes slowly, he shook a little more in some vague form of terror that filtered through his sickened mind. He scooted back a bit, ignoring the wet dripping of his own vomit onto the floor below. He pulled the mic piece down and flicked it on.

“Sorry sir, Agent Hawkeye reporting,” his voice shook, wavered and cracked a little, but still carried over the radio and down from his nest, “I think I’m a little under the weather.”

“Well no fucking shit.” Agent Hill had retreated a number of steps from Fury and the mess surrounding him. She pulled her clipboard up and started flipping through pages while putting out a radio call for a med truck and a replacement. If he had felt any better, Clint would have laughed at the absurd sight, but unfortunately he was back to fighting to keep down what was left in his stomach. “If you’re gonna do that again I’d like some damn warning.”

All Hawkeye could manage for warning was a quick ‘move-aside’ hand motion before leaning through the gap in the rail again and vomiting once more. By now everyone in the building knew what was going on and were switching radio channels and trying to ignore the sounds of Clint losing it all over the cemented floor.

After a third bout of being sick, Clint was left dry-heaving and limp against the fever-warmed metal. Too shaky to even hold the water bottle that hadn’t left his side today, leaving it to fall below him too when he tried to grab it. Within minutes two medical technicians were helping him down from his nest. He felt so shaky and wrung out he didn’t even attempt to fight them over being taken out on a stretcher. He just laid on his side and curled in on himself as they pushed him past Hill and Fury, who was still cleaning himself up.

“Next time spare us the damn show and call it in before the firework finale, alright?”

“Got it.”

--

[wellpersonsblog]

The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition

Yep, seven. Kind of a lot for a “whole foods” guy, right?

Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

If you’re even a casual NMA reader, you know it’s been a loooong time since I wrote two blog posts in a week. We’re talking years, I think.

Well, I’m here to boldly declare that I’m back. My goal for the year, No Meat Athlete’s 10th anniversary year, is to write a blog post per week, on average. Not because I should, but because I really want to — the time away has renewed my enthusiasm. And after going for so long without writing regularly, I’ve got a lot I’m excited to share.

But writing more is just one of my goals. This year, I gave myself permission to set a bunch of them — not just one or two, like I usually tell people is best — and to make them BIG.

Upgrading the OS

It didn’t take long, though, for me to realize that in order to do more, my “operating system” needs to be better — which means upgrading my daily habits, and to pay particular attention to nutrition, since that affects just about everything else.

For several years now I’ve been careful to cover the bases: vitamin B12, vitamin D, and DHA/EPA, just to safeguard myself against common deficiencies of a vegan diet (and many other diets, too, by the way). But now I’m paying more attention to things like sleep, recovery from workouts, nagging injuries, and even long-term prevention — and because of that, I find myself both more diligent and more experimental with supplements.

Don’t worry, this isn’t the post where Matt turns into a biohacker. In general, my philosophy is still “whole foods first,” and probably always will be. (Not the store — in that case, it’s actually “Whole Foods second,” after we’ve gotten everything we can at a cheaper place!)

In fact, you’ll see that several of what I call “supplements” actually are whole foods; it’s just that I take them like a robot would take fuel. If robots ran on fuel.

So here goes. I’ve listed the daily dose I take next to each.

1. Complement (provides B12, D3, and DHA/EPA) — This one is actually a three-for. I’ve written about Complement at length, since it’s the supplement I created, so I won’t spend long on this one. In a nutshell, here’s why the nutrients it provides are so important:

Vitamin B12 (1000mcg) is just about a no-brainer for vegans. I know there are still a few purists out there who say we can get enough B12 from dirty produce, but I just don’t see the point. Even many non-vegans are deficient in B12, and when I didn’t take it in my first few years of being vegan, I experienced symptoms of deficiency. So I take it, and make sure my kids do too.

Vitamin D3 (2000IU) is the best form of vitamin D, which our bodies make in response to sunlight. Unfortunately, the combination of our modern, indoorsy lifestyles (plus knowledge about the dangers of UV exposure) and a plant-based diet leaves many of us “D-ficient.” Dr. Greger and others recommend supplementing with 2,000 IU of vitamin D daily, so that’s what I take.

Finally, DHA (300mg) and EPA (70mg) are two long-chain omega-3 fatty acids that are important for brain health. We can get ALA, which is another omega-3, from vegan foods like flaxseeds and walnuts, so many vegans assume they’ve got omega-3’s covered. But it turns out that although some people can efficiently convert ALA into DHA and EPA, many cannot. I haven’t done the testing to know whether I or my wife and kids can, so that’s why I take it in supplement form, derived from algae.

You can learn more about Complement here, but see the note at the bottom of this blog post first.

2. Creatine (5g) — This is strictly for building muscle and increasing strength, so I only take creatine when I’m trying to bulk up or doing a strength sport. Creatine is an amino acid that our bodies do make, so it’s not essential. And although we’re completely fine without it, I find it absolutely helps me to build muscle, and the extra motivation that comes from that is reason enough to take it, given that it’s well-studied and appears to be completely safe. (There’s some evidence to suggest creatine helps vegetarians perform better on tests of memory, too.)

3. Magnesium (350mg) — As I mentioned in a recent podcast episode (“Matt’s Quest for Deeper Sleep”), lately I’ve been obsessed with increasing the amount of deep sleep I get each night, as measured by an OURA ring that tells me how much time I spend in each sleep phase.

I get plenty of total sleep, and plenty of REM sleep, but very little deep sleep (which, oddly, is not as “deep” as REM). Deep sleep is very important for tissue repair and recovery. I haven’t figured out whether my body just happens to need less deep sleep than others, or whether it’s something about my diet, lifestyle, and sleep habits that prevents me from getting more of it.

I’ve been experimenting with a lot of small changes, ranging from obvious ones — like eliminating light from my bedroom at night and limiting screen time after about 7pm — to making changes to my diet (especially around caffeine and alcohol) and supplementing.

Magnesium is a mineral that’s associated with improved sleep and helpful in the absorption of iodine (see below), so it’s a natural one to test.

I’ve only been taking magnesium for 10 days or so, but I suspect that it’s responsible for adding roughly 10 minutes of deep sleep each night. Which doesn’t seem like much, but when I typically only get 30 minutes or so, I’ll take whatever I can get!

Once I figure this shiz out, I’ll write a whole blog post about my sleep project.

‘Supplements’ that are Actually Food

4. Brazil nut (1 small one provides ~100mcg selenium) — We don’t need much selenium, but we absolutely need it. Selenium deficiency is linked to certain cancers, Alzheimer’s disease, and Parkinson’s disease. And, thanks to soil depletion, most plant-based diets are low in selenium. Luckily, a single, small Brazil nut each day provides more than enough. So I eat one a day, in my smoothie, and selenium is taken care of.

(Incidentally, one of the reasons I love the daily smoothie is that it’s easy to toss in things like a Brazil nut, flaxseeds, a slice of turmeric… things I want to eat each day but don’t show up in my diet on their own.)

5. Iodized salt (60mcg iodine per quarter-teaspoon salt) — Let’s be clear here, there’s no reason to supplement with salt; in fact we should limit our intake. It’s the iodine that I want; the fortified salt just happens to be a convenient way to get it.

Iodine used to be in our soil, but with modern agriculture, it’s less plentiful in our food than it once was. Which wouldn’t be a big deal, except that iodine deficiency affects two billion people (!) and is the leading preventable cause of intellectual and developmental disabilities.

Which is why they put it in our salt. Except we vegans like to be natural, so many of us choose unrefined sea salt… which usually doesn’t have iodine added to it.

Non-vegans actually get some iodine from the cleaning products used on dairy processing equipment that make their way into the milk, so it’s less a concern for them. Vegans should make sure we have an iodine source, whether supplemental or with fortified salt.

6. Tart cherry juice (1oz concentrate or 8oz juice) — Tart cherry juice has been shown to reduce inflammation and muscle soreness after workouts, which is why I’ve been a fan for a long time.

Most days out of the week now, I do Muay Thai, a form of kickboxing, and get pretty beat up in the process. So I have a renewed interest in the benefits tart cherries provide.

I don’t like to drink any juice on a daily basis; in general whole fruit is much better. But immediately after workouts is one time when juice may be one of the best things we can consume, for its speed in reaching the bloodstream. So that’s when I try to take my tart cherry juice, about an ounce a day.

7. Turmeric (1 tsp ground or a quarter-inch slice fresh) — Faddish, perhaps, but I think turmeric is legit. There’s a lot of research about how it can help with everything from muscle repair to recovering from hospital surgery, not to mention reducing the risks of cancer and heart disease.

Dr. Greger recommends either a quarter-teaspoon of ground turmeric or a quarter-inch slice of the fresh root daily. Fresh and ground actually do different things, so I try to mix them up, and almost always eat it in combination with black pepper to increase bioavailability.

If I don’t use ground turmeric in cooking or don’t add a slice of fresh to my smoothie, then at night I’ll take it in pill form (turmeric, not just curcumin). But I much prefer getting it in whole-food form.

Blurring the Food/Supplement Line

I actually could go further with the “foods I view as supplements” list, but there’s not a clear dividing line between these and the rest of my food.

For example, green tea. I don’t really drink it like tea: in order to extract the most nutrients, I steep it at close to boiling temperature and for much longer than the tea-types recommend, producing a drink far more tannic and bitter than green tea traditionally is. Or I’ll put the tea leaves directly into my smoothie, not for flavor but for nutrition. Similar with flaxseeds — I don’t eat them as snacks like I do other nuts and seeds; instead I just add them to my smoothie because I know how healthy they are.

But I had to draw the line somewhere. So I did.

What’s Missing?

Believe it or not, there are two other supplements I believe I should be taking, but am not, simply because it’s not convenient to take more pills and I’ve been lazy about it. These are zinc and vitamin K2, both of which are likely deficiencies in plant-based diets.

Zinc: Beans provide plenty of zinc; the problem is that the phytates in beans interfere with absorption. Zinc may be especially important for heart health, and given family history, this is important to me.

K2: Vegans can get plenty of K1 from leafy greens, but K2 isn’t found in almost any plant-based foods, especially not in the West. (It is in natto, a Japanese, fermented soy product, but unfortunately not in tempeh, sauerkraut, or other fermented foods in reliable and appreciable amounts.) K2 is important for both bone and heart health, so not something I want to be missing.

To the Rescue…

Good news here, though. This week, an upgraded version of Complement, called Complement Plus, ships for the first time. (Mine is supposed to arrive today!)

It’s in capsule form instead of a spray, and for me will drastically simplify my supplementation routine, not just by filling the zinc and K2 void, but also by providing iodine, selenium, magnesium (all of which I’m currently making the effort to get into my diet), and of course the “Big 3” that are already in Complement.

When I first announced Complement Plus last year as a pre-order, we sold through everything we had allocated for it. But now we’ve got a few hundred bottles from this first shipment that we can sell, so next week I’ll send the details about how to get a special NMA-reader discount on Complement Plus.

If you’re thinking about getting Complement or Complement Plus, I’d join the email list and wait until then.

It feels great to be writing again. Look for a new post from me next week, and every week after that!

The post The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition appeared first on No Meat Athlete.

First found here: The 7 Supplements I Take, 2019 Edition

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ