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stergeon · 9 months

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at some point i will figure out how to write the post-canon, post-empire edelgard autonomy fic of my dreams. it just feels like a very big task and maybe like with playing the dane, i’m simply not old and traumatized enough to manage it yet.

but my vision is thus: it’s set years (realistically, decades) after the end of crimson flower, when everything has gone as right as it can possibly go. fódlan is thriving. the social reforms have taken effect. the nobility system is nearly eliminated, if not entirely so, with titles made merely symbolic. social mobility, welfare, and prosperity are high. there’s an explosion in arts and culture and technology. brigid and duscur have gained independence; relations with sreng and almyra are much improved; heck, maybe they've even figured it out with dagda. in my most idealistic version, leicester and faerghus would eventually be ceded back to become autonomous regions, essentially disbanding the adrestian empire. rule is no longer hereditary, but merit-based. there's a roadmap for the future, and everything is on track—and more than that, people at all points on the power spectrum have already seen it bear fruit. with or without edelgard, it will be pursued. there's buy-in. they believe.

of course, it's not perfect—nothing can be—but edelgard's vision has been fulfilled. the people are empowered. humanity is free. fódlan has healed.

and somehow, she's had enough time to resolve her goals outside of politics, too. those who slither in the dark have been eradicated. edelgard and lysithea's second crests have been successfully removed, allowing them to live if not full lives, then substantially longer ones than they would have with their twin crests intact. who knows—maybe she finally gets around to having that wedding.

point for point, every item listed in edelgard's manifesto has been checked off. the ghosts of her past have been laid to rest. she can finally take off her crown. she can finally pursue the quiet, humble life she's wanted for so long. she can finally breathe.

... but can she?

edelgard is nothing if not driven. her intelligence, vision, and sheer willpower allowed her to plan and execute a revolution against two countries and the most powerful institution on the continent, all while she was still a teenager. as royalty, her life was never truly hers even before she became heir to the adrestian throne, with all the additional baggage of survivor's guilt and the desire for vengeance and her need to ensure nothing that happened to her can ever happen to anyone else, ever again.

so what happens when that drive has no outlet? what happens when someone who has been constantly in motion, constantly working and planning and preparing every spare second of every day since she was fourteen years old, suddenly has to stand still? what happens when someone whose hands have been bound for so long—first literally in the dungeons of enbarr, then by the weight and responsibilities of her crown—is set free?

being edelgard, she would step away from the throne, no matter how hard it was for her to give up control. she's always been focused on the endgame, and she knows that if she doesn't let go, she'll be setting the wrong tone for fódlan's future. she's too devoted to that endgame to cling to power much longer than she needs to, though i could see her making some excuses and trying to iron out just a few more things to buy herself some more time to mentally prepare before she's done for good.

but who would she be then? who is the woman without the crown? what becomes of a machine once it is no longer needed, when it has made itself obsolete? what about when that machine is a person with legs and arms and an innate unwillingness to gather dust on a shelf?

what happens when you get everything you want? what happens when all your wanting has been for others to thrive, and now you have to want only for yourself? how do you discover who you are when you've spent decades being everything for everyone else? how do you find meaning again? how do you find purpose?

after a lifetime of devotion and passion and movement, how do you learn to sit with yourself, and be quiet, and be still?

gosh, i would love to meet her. i would love to pick her brain. but boy, i do not envy the work that girl has to do.

#sterge.rtf #fire emblem #fe3h #edelgard von hresvelg #realistically edelgard is not getting all of this done in her lifetime. but that wouldn't keep her from stepping away anyway #'cause a funny thing happened to edelgard during the crimson flower route: she learned to have faith again.#so even if she couldn't check every box and fix every societal ill she'd still be able to pass the crown to the next ruler.#maybe not without fear. but with confidence. with optimism. with the belief that she's leaving the world better than she found it.#she'd have faith in her people. faith in the future. faith in the groundwork she's laid. faith in the systems she's put in place.#faith that her vision will be carried out with or without her.#and that faith would allow her to eventually let go.#i so love edelgard pulling a george washington and saying nah i'm good on power. peace #though unfortunately i could also see her pulling a teddy roosevelt #and saying nah i'm good on power. peace. wait what are you doing. you're ruining it. you're bungling everything. i can't believe this #and making several (failed and increasingly insane) attempts to get back into politics #who is the taft to edelgard's ted tho. i don't want to do ferdinand the disservice of saying it's him even though i think it's very funny.#it's literally the opposite of his character as taft notoriously sniffed roosevelt's farts for a long time #until he finally pulled his head out of the guy's ass and realized there are other smells. such as the sewer. and garbage.#smells which he pursued quite happily much to ol ted's chagrin #meanwhile ferdinand does not think anything of edelgard's ass except that his is definitely better-looking than hers #(he's wrong on so many levels but you try telling the guy that)#in fact ferdinand has always taken great joy in pointing out all the things that smell better than edelgard does #which gives him an instant up on mr Take-Advice-From-Theodore #all this to say i think ferdinand von aegir would have been a much better president than william howard taft. that's just my opinion.#i'm getting off the rails in these tags idk what's wrong with me #sorry for equating your blorbos to long-dead american politicians everyone. i know this is a cardinal sin #also please don't take this to mean i think positively of washington or roosevelt or taft or whatever.#i hate all dead old white guys who ever held a modicum of power #i just had a hyperfixation on american presidents when i was in grade school and unfortunately now my brain works like this

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sirenium · 3 months

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I hate being loveless. Send post.

#despite the scrambling to accept loveless folks that ended up fucking over romance and love favorable people #I still feel broken. I feel like I'm misleading my partners because the truth is that I don't love them like they love me #and they know this. we're open and I haven't misled them at all but I feel like a fraud still.#I want to be included in things or at least thought about even though I don't give people a second thought #but when I voice this: 'you didn't care about them anyway. they tried to reach out before'#I still value connections. after years of being pushed away by peers I still try to make connections with people #and when they inevitably feel stronger about me than I do them #or see things differently than I do #I feel... inadequate. like my attempts at being a person are futile #It's part of why I don't see myself as a person at all anymore. Because I can't FEEL like a 'normal' person.#it fucking sucks. and no amount of 'oh you're no less a person than someone who feels love uwu' can fix that #I can't even love my family. do you know how much that sucks to not be able to love your own mother?#years ago when I was 7 I had a nightmare where my mom said 'you don't love me anyway' while I was trying to convince her #not to jump into the water in front of us. that phrase has appeared in arguments years later #imagine the horror I feel trying to come to terms with the fact that that's a true statement.#I do care about and appreciate people but it'll never be enough #I'LL never be enough #it hurts.#and the performative bullshit on this platform doesn't help #loveless #aplatonic #afamilial

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asinglesock · 1 month

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just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

#a sock speaks #local construction #fundamentally I lack the confidence needed to be a writer or a teacher #on the one hand I can't brazen my way out of this by pretending to be confident. I need to actually have the knowledge and skills I claim.#on the other hand I can't just say I'll be confident once I have more knowledge and experience. I have a master's degree!#I want to get more school but more school on its own will not fix this #I've let opportunities pass by because I was depressed. I didn't see how I could be enough for them.#or I was too tired (because I was depressed)#but sometimes it's bc I'm not sure if trying would make things better or worse (that one's on the OCD more than depression)#it makes sense that I lack confidence because of inexperience. but I can only gain experience by going for it. doing things badly is good.#it makes sense that I'm scared to face criticism. I've faced my whole community against me.#I've been stuck at someone's house debating scripture for hours with a migraine and no food. I think that was mildly traumatic for me.#but in most cases I am physically safe and the physical fear is irrational. I can work on this with some gentle exposure therapy.#but I need to bring together the effort to organize my thoughts and the bravado to hold my ground in an argument #and I can only build up this confidence with practice. I need to write. I need to do public speaking.#I'd need a platform for speaking (I'd hate to do a podcast or vlog but it'd be good for me)#but I should write! why am I not writing more? I need to write. writing is the way forward #several years ago I was in such deep despair with life that in order to survive I told myself #that I just had to survive. I didn't have to achieve anything or prove myself in any way as long as I stayed alive #and I went to grad school in Georgia not because I saw a path to a career in biblical studies but because school made me want to be alive #(extremely bizarre case of grad school not being the problem. I know.)#I know I missed a lot of benefits I could've had if I'd been mentally healthy when I went. but it's okay because it kept me going #I can go back to school or not go back. do biblical studies or do something else. I don't have big expectations for myself #but as my mental health improves it occurs to me that I COULD do more if only I believed it was worth the effort #I don't need to fear failure when the alternative was not even attempting it #I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.#I'm thinking I might start a newsletter or blog or something. some Bible stuff and some church/social commentary. just kind of open ended.

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astral-athame · 2 months

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youtube

#( 'cause you're a sky full of stars ⋆｡°✩ ) music #((I NEED AN AU FOR THIS OR SOMETHING.#Like- a couple who have kind of fallen apart some and they're just going through the motions of their marriage at this point.#All the heartache. The sleepless nights together in bed.#Preferably no cheating just... the slow falling apart.#And maybe the eventual attempts at rekindling things? Or maybe they just let things keep getting worse #until there's no way to fix it. UGH. I want it to break my heart please.))#((I want the memories. Maybe we could write little flashbacks? The love that once was. What maybe caused the slow separation.#What's going on in both of their heads. Are they still in love? Maybe one or both of them fell out of love a bit at a time and they don't #know how to handle / process that and they're maybe even hoping to fall back in love but it's not happening. IDK))

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dogearedheart · 2 months

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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to #i don't want to make people uncomfortable #and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane #it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions #and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any #of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you #it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done #such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical #and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt #of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything #i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not #visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness #is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow #i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace #i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie #life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do #this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals #and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting #them that was never my intention. i promise #so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about #you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to #navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate #the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people #not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too #I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking #brain of mine.

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gxlden-angels · 10 months

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Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)

It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.

I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.

It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great

#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health #whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart #he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful #I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism #it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick #my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive #cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond #and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable #but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better #Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve #like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable #I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't #control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't #I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it #I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but #they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever #Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too #Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3

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aberooski · 2 months

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The way I have such a ridiculously hard time trying to draw when I'm not just drawing GX characters into scenes that already exist visually really makes me feel so unbelievably shitty I just want to be able to put things I picture in my head to the page without it looking like complete shit 9.5/10 times 😭

#this is why my art tag is abby attempts to draw #because every piece is an honest to god attempt #why fo you think I do so many gx redraws of things? fatal frame art taylor's album covers the ocasional final fantasy moment #I literally started another ff cutscene piece tonight because I wanted to draw 😭#because I literally cannot fucking draw 97% of the time #all my like actually original pieces are probably the things I'm the most proud of in my life because they feel like a miracle #like I did that. I made that. I saw that in my head and successfully put it to page with little to no help from reference images and shit #I've been trying to get myself to try to draw more lately because the only way to get better is to practice right? well I every time #I've just sat there staring at the blank page and givibg myself a headache or wanting to cry because anything I get down #looks like complete ass and I don't wanna even try to fix it because I feel so bad even though I KNOW everythinf I draw #is a trust the process moment but ugh it's so frustrating I just wanna be good at it like the rest of you lovelies 😭#I'm literally so jealous of everyone who can draw I wish I coukd do that 😔#abby's insomnia thoughts

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weareuniqueandimportant · 3 months

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We Made A Post. Perfect. Amazing. Easily Godlike.

Only For Them To Be Removed Once Again... And Gasslight As "Just A Glitch"...

No... This Is Nothing But A Way To Attack And Erase Progressive Things... Showcase This Abuser... Called Tumblr Has An EVIL And BIGOTED MONSTER AGENDA...

Make Us Transition. We Live In Finland Freeze Our Little Ones And Give Us Diy Hrt. We Deserve So Much. Especially When We're Nothing But Abused All The Time... Like Right Now... Whatever We Type In Now... Can Never Recreate This Amazing And Perfect Post... Just Like The Other Ones... But This One Was So Good... I Loved Her... And They Abused Us... Now She's Gone 😭😭😭😭...

:(... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!

I Will Finish This Post Soon... But I Am Depressed... And Traumatized... I Panic... I Could Jump Trough That Window Right Now... I Have Anxiety... Evil... Has Once Again Hurt Us As I Sweat Once Again On This Abusive Spot This The EVIL Situation We Have Been In Before More Times Than To Count... Them All Stacking Up Into This Horrible Experience... A Feeling... Inside Of Our Brain... A Dark Deep Pain... Weighing On Them... As I Sweat.. In Pain... I Could Scream!! But Can't!! Because Of This Evil Body!! And Evil Abusive Place We're In!! I Can't Show My Emotions... That Would Be... More Painfullness If Anything...

:(...

We Watched 3 Episodes Of She Hulk... I Believe A Leftist Should Prrrrtteeeee... I Believe A Leftist Should Showe Their Middle Finger Up A Company's Uncaring Asshole... I Believe We Should Be Doing That... Than Watching Like This... This Situation... All Wrong... From What Is Supposed To Be... Our Consent... VIOLATED... ONCE AGAIN AS ALWAYS... The Consept Irrelevant... But When That Is For Us... ANYTHING... CAN BE RELEVANT JUST FOR US... BECAUSE WE MATTER... WE DESERVE SPECIAL PRIVLEDGES...

:(...

😢...

I Will Take A Break From This Post Perhaps... Who Knows...? We Have Been Hurt And Harmed... Nobody Will Ever Understand!!!! OUR CRAZY PAIN... TEARING APART... OUR INSIDES...

I Love Black People... I Love This Woman... I Love Aisha In Fate The Winx Saga... That Is Racist To Oppose This Character... Only We Matter... If They Don't Matter... Then Black People Don't Matter... And That Would Be... Horrible...

I Love All The Diverse Background Characters Aswell... Tbh... They're All Like Nice Toys... Or Nice Furries... They're Nice... They're Cute... Black People Aswell... They Make Us... Feel Loved... They Make Us... Less Afraid... Evil... Want To Take Them Away... THE THINGS WE LOVE... JUST LIKE ALWAYS... JUST LIKE HOW... WE WATCHED MARVEL STOP BEING WOKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!! WITH THE NEW MALE POWER FANTASY COMING!!!!

...

Nobody... Cares About Us... Nobody... Was There For Us... When ANY... OF THIS PAIN... HAPPENED... LIKE THE FACT THAT WE STILL HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED...

I Like She Hulk... I Like... Powerfull Woman... I Like... Black Best Friends... I Like... Watching Her Be Powerfull... Instead Of Rape Porn...

I Like... How Hulk Wasn't On Her Way... And Leaves... I Like... How Nice He Is... I Like... She Didn't Get Reduced To Anything... On The Screen...

I Like This Is About Her... I Like... The Woke Mcu... I Never... NEVER SAID... THEY SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM US... JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE WE CARE ABOUT... JUST LIKE... EVERYTHING ELSE PROGRESSIVE... ARE YOU HAPPY NOW... LEFTIST?!?!?!?! YOU HATE WOKE THINGS!!!! YOU ONLY LIKE CONSERVATIVE THINGS!!!! YOU LOVE CONSERVATIVES!!!! YOU HATE PROGRESSIVES!!!! NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT YOU!!!! YOU'RE EVIL!!!!

That Was... Cruel... How They Justified All Bigotry... And All Abuse... And Discrimination... In She Hulk... That Was Lame... How The Marvels Is About How Africa Shouldn't Be Made Communist Because Culture Is Evil And On The Way And Irrelevant And The Message The Same...

How Can These Be Titled... Bad Movies...? When The Previous Garbage... Was Nothing But Praised...? THAT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND... THIS IS WHAT IS GOOD... THAT IS WHAT IS BAD... MONEY IS EVIL... MARVEL TOO... EVERYTHING WAS FAKE... EVERYONE ONLY PRETENDED TO GIVE A FUCK!! OR PERHAPS... Some Did... But... They're All... Worthless... Powerless... Pathetic... Losers... They're DESERVE NOTHING... I HOPE THEY SUFFER... THEY DESERVE THAT... JUST LIKE YOU DO... JUST LIKE EVERYONE DOES... BESIDES US!! THAT ONLY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!! LIKE TRANSITION... MAKE US... WE DESERVE ONLY GOODNESS...

This Is Fun... The Previous Is What Is Boring... The Future Is What Is Boring... WOKE MARVEL...? WAS THE BEST!!!! I WANT THEM BACK!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! JUST LIKE I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE... AND PLUSHIES... I WANT MARVEL BACK... SHE IS MINE...

I Liked Seeing Wong. He Is Underrated He's Better And More Diverse Than Doctor Strange. Same With That Villain. I Am Glad He Was Actually Good... But They Also Spread Evil Propaganda With Him...

#We Also Found A Cool Channel. But She Was Stupid. Nothing Progressive About Her.#Attempting To Gasslight Everyone Into A Capitalist Machine... Eww... Right...? Disgusting...#They Don't Want Us There... Simple As That... Make Us Transition. Please...#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Interesting Lovable Amazing Admirable Woke Progressive #Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing #Adhd Autism Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuse #She Hulk Marvel That Was Pretty Cool This Post Was So Much Better But The Evil Abuser Called This Site Attacked Us...#Suomi Finland Finnish Kiva Kiltti Mukava Rakastettava Kiinnostava Ihana Tule Tänne Pelasta Meidät...#Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Acceptance Compassion Diversity Black Asian White #People Of Different Skins Btw We Love Every Single Skin... We're Trying To Fix Racism Aswell... We're Extremely Kind If Anything...#On Top Of That School Actually Should Have Students Watch Gay Sex. This Already Happens With Straight Sex.#Equality Is Really Hard... However Nobody Else... Has Ever Been... On Our Level... At This...#I Love Trans People... I Love Radqueer Identities... The Cool Ones... The Stupid Ones Straight Up Suck...#Because I Already Know What They're Talking About... But Their Words Are The Same... And Boring...#Lacking In Interesting Unlike The Original... Even Then... They're Badass... We Must Be Very So Ourselves... Us That Are All The Skins...#I Have Somewhere To Go With These Topics :)... That Feels Nice... I Know There's Nothing Racist About Us... We Have Only Been Gasslight...#Btw Fuck Those Capitalist Machines Called “Let's Players”... They Don't Think About Identity And Politics And As Result Always Support The #Status Quo... This Isn't Just A Five Ass At Freddy's Problem... But All These Evil Series... Like Pokemon...#This Is What Is Fun. Otherwise Is Boring. All These Things Are Fun. There's No Way To Win Either.#Conservatives Are Jealous About Happy Queer People And Call Us Dehumanizing Words For That. For Having Fun.#They Call Us Boring Then. Because They Erased And Took Away Fun In Their Loser Kinds...#Intelligent Smart Genius Analysis I Am Very Smart. There Was So Much More To This Post...#Btw Vaush Xandershit They're Both Nothing But Reactionaries... Crazy Huh...?#Nothing Progressive About Those Conservative Lovers That Hate Progressive People And Things If Anything.#I Love Strong Woman Main Character. They're Some Of My Favorite. And All “Bad Writing” Is Actually The Good And Better.#Because A Capitalist Abuser Decided What That Means And Boring Anti Progressive Support Such Abuse Like That Youtuber Cosmonaut... Who Has #Nothing Progressive About Him... Spiderverse Is Shit And Racist Too... But Atleast The Main 2 And Reconstructed Peter Are Cool...#That Doesn't Change The Fact That They Still Need Spiderman For Everything Miles. Nothing Miles About That.#Aswell As Can Never Right Gwen Stacy's Unrightfull Extremely Misogynistic Death...#I Am Somewhat Supportive Of The Sequel... Also I Want Iron Man's Daughter Instead Of Iron Man's Return. And The My Should've Always

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shopcat · 2 years

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"how can you not like jonathan and nancy if steve's your fave" well because i actually like him ☠️

the litmus test for actually liking steve is u have to love robin and the litmus test for actually understanding steve is you can't like st4ncy

#asks #also not sure what brought this on but you people are gonna get me killed #To soothe any troubled souls i will just rehash very quickly i like nancy just fine but i like her potential and i don't want her AROUND #HIM RIGHT NOW they need a restraining order 300 feet #and i like jonathan when he's with his family and when he's with argyle and otherwise he is kind of a flop especially re steve obviously #but really i just like whatever fanon jonathan that's been magicked up i never vibed w him to begin w bc i found him annoying and tiring #SORRY!!!! but i hate the ohhhhhuuhhhhh i just want to listen to the smiths and read poetry i'm so tortured types We would not be friends #but then again i wouldn't be friends with like. eddie. also i didn't like eddie either LOL i had to warm up to him as i watched #AAAND. i don't personally like nancy No but i think ppl fall for the misogyny because the duffer brothers are. misogynists.#i would wager platonic st0nathan do still have potential bc the fact really is they just haven't interacted at ALL #i don't even think they've said an actual word to each other since season 1 really #and i am AWARE his little season 4 STEVE? was meant to be lighthearted and then nancy's response is like to open up however the hell #they're going to attempt to fix the st0ncy triangle BUT GOOD GOD loving a character who the narrative hates is soul crushing OKAY #bc i fear they will not fix it in a way that doesn't completely decimate his character let alone nancy's either. Okay let's go outside #oh and i like when ppl like do the fix it nancy treatment like i said i do like her and her potential i think they can all be besties #but s4 also traumatised me #sts

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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year

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One last note before I go to sleep...

Credit where it's due, the pieces of the puzzle are mostly all there in terms of the connection between The Storyteller story and The Mimic. The pieces missing aren't relevant to Mimic at all, and can be gleaned from what makes sense/what's interesting for the characters to do. Things like why the Storyteller lacks stripes and where all of the behaviours the animatronics gain were learned by Mimic before, are things you can piece together by thinking about it for a long enough time...

But the execution of the actual story makes this process incredibly unsatisfying. The pieces were there in a lot of cases, and then everything else flopped. It's amazing just how much I can figure out about Mimic's behaviour from these two stories purely because of how amazingly underwhelming these things are. Like yeah I can piece this stuff together on my own... But the vagueness of it all has impacted the story so much that I almost don't care. I'm literally only doing any of this for AU purposes for my GAME blorbos not the typically horribly made book ones. I literally would not be thinking about this anymore if I wasn't compelled by just how fucking awful it is and my game blorbos.

Like... Come on... There's even gaps in between all of these puzzle pieces too like... It's so unsatisfying to put the pieces together man... Oh yay! I understand why Mimic did that! ... I want to do something else... Let me live please this sucks...

#literally its so underwhelming???#like oh joy i figured out why storyteller has no stripes wowie exciting #god let me out I'm not getting anything but the urge to fix it from this #but i dunno man this might be BEYOND fixing #hhhhhhhh #I'd make it more fun though you know i would #I'd trade the cradenzas for some sillies or a cool conversation for sure #i already know exactly what kind of scenes I'd use in a storyteller revamp #THIS DOESN'T MEAN I'VE DECIDED TO DO IT #JUST THAT I KNOW WHAT WOULD WORK REALLY WELL FOR IT #I'M NOT COMMITTING UNTIL WIKI IS DONE AND TIGER ROCK IS READ #I MAY NOT EVEN WANT TO BY THEN #I HAVE OTHER SHIT TO DO #LIKE METEORS AND BRACELETS AND THE OTHER AU I DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR #AMONG OTHER STUFF LIKE DRAWING AND SHIT LIKE #NAH MAN I GOT OTHER STUFF THIS IS NOT A THING I'M GONNA ATTEMPT TO I GOT STUFF CLEARED #anyway. snooze time!#bye!!!

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ayakashibackstreet · 1 year

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btw I finished my second ever LPS custom, I'll post pics of him once the varnish dries teehee

#I have a bunch of those later gen 3 sticker eye pets #trying to sell most of them #but the bunny didn't want to sell even though I was trying to sell him for 5 PLN #soooooo I attempted to give him more normal eyes #it turned out pretty decent considering I don't do any sculpting ever #I also fixed one of my kitties who had her ear eaten by my bunny way back in the day #wuv them <3

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the-busy-ghost · 2 years

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Knowing very little about clothing construction beyond the basics of how to hand sew in a straight(ish) line, combined with machine made fast fashion garments that fall apart easily, means it takes me waaaay longer to fix a button or a ripped pocket than it really should

#Everything's always hidden by something else #I'm not undoing an entire lining just to get at the back of a button so yes this piece of clothing now will never sit right I'll live #Also my dad's stuff is mostly tennis clothing and WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MESH #WHY IS THERE ALWAYS MESH STUFF OVER EVERYTHING THERE DOESN'T NEED TO BE #I can't fix a pocket because there's mesh in front of it #And the pocket was already going to be a bugger because it's that awful stretchy wafer thin sporty material #That rips if you so much as look at it #I don't know enough about clothes for this I just want to salvage a perfectly good coat or pair of shorts #I understand hiding the constituent parts of a piece of clothing if it's good quality but if you haven't sewed the buttons on properly #Why the hell did you even bother covering them up I shouldn't have to do open heart surgery on a cheap jacket #Rule number 1 should really be if it's poorly made it should be easy to access the bits to fix it #But that would be too much #Obviously this is not the machinist's fault they're doing their best at probably shit wages and again they have a machine #Something which I am too scared of to even use let alone buy #But it frustrates me #I have to fix all this by hand it takes time I can't just rip out a lining for a button #Literally the only thing I own that doesn't make me want to rip my own arm off when attempting to fix are denim dungarees #Like the only piece of women's clothing that are easy to repair and even better if I do a shit job it's still fine because they're dungarees #They're sort of supposed to look patchy and worn

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eorzeashan · 1 year

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I've been ruminating on what happens between Eight and Zhorrid for the past few days, trying to decide whether I was satisfied with the canon outcome... and I really can't say.

Eight has mixed feelings on her. He definitely harbors little to no affection and even less of an interest- but he doesn't deny that she is most certainly a victim of circumstance, and few, if any, would differ from her if put in her shoes. He did not appreciate her wasting personnel and even targeting Imperial Intelligence personally just to try and provoke a reaction out of him, but she promptly gave up when he feigned a stony face both times, leading him to think she must have been taught to be that way. Not that there seems to be much separation between what she was taught and her off-kilter tendencies.

But. The slow bits of background gleaned from her as Jadus' conspiracy unraveled opened his eyes to much of the why that hung in the air between them, and even though nobody would complain if she disappeared, least of all anyone he cared about, being ordered to kill her rubbed him the wrong way.

For all his loyalty to Jadus and the fascination with her father and then adding his natural ease at killing for even less than this on a regular basis, something about Zhorrid...made him want a different outcome. Perhaps it was his discomfort that Zhorrid had such a useless life, belittled by everyone around her and self-aware of her own weakness. Enough to display it openly in front of him. Like some kind of call for help, when she'd given up on everything else. Everything about her was so....useless.

In the game, he killed her after a futile attempt at telling her to flee. In my written canon, I'm debating on the choice of having him knock her unconscious and get Vector to send her to the Ascendancy, where he'll pull a favor from House Miurani and his old mentor to keep her safe in hiding. In that time, Zhorrid takes a very slow road to recovery and ridding herself of the instability from a lifetime of living in her father's shadow, with much resistance every step of the way. However. She finds an unexpected kindred soul in one Raina Temple, who is assigned to personally oversee her, and they accidentally bond over their experiences as Force users divorced from their family.

Eight's not a wasteful person, and killing someone just to open a seat isn't something he understands, absolute orders aside. Would he disobey Jadus for something that has little to no payoff? In this rare case, he might take that gamble because of his need to understand Jadus himself through his daughter, even if it poses a great danger to him.

I also want there to be more moments where Eight openly disobeys/goes against Jadus, as he sees it as a part of his loyalty and duty to Jadus to act against him when he feels it is not beneficial to either of them. "What's the difference if she's dead or alive?" He'd say, after inevitably being found out, "your seat remains. Your daughter's life never opposed that. I did what I thought was necessary. And if you want to punish me for that, go ahead. But I only ask that you make me understand why."

Jadus would definitely be angry that Eight hid such a thing from him, and there'd be a long, tense argument about how a mere underling has no need to understand the master, to which Eight would fire back about how it's not a crime to want to which is exactly what you're doing with the Emperor, and if you wanted a braindead lackey you could've had any of your servants do so but I will not be that for you, and yadda yadda such insolence know your place, and they'd both be out of breath and Jadus would probably storm out of the room after deciding he'd punish him later.

In other words, it'd result in a stalemate, because it's true that Jadus wants an actual partner in Eight. But open defiance must be punished, and Eight accepts that regardless; he'd feel he's won in some way even if he eventually comes to harm at his hand, because he's stubborn in his rebellious love for him and Jadus giving up by acquiescing even when furious would be a sign that he can get through to him. Jadus is even angrier in his seething silence because Eight genuinely harbors no ill-will towards him.

What form that punishment takes in the future is hard to say. Zhorrid wouldn't be appreciative towards him for saving her life either- but Eight would also say something like "I didn't do it to be liked by you," and their rare interactions whenever he comes by to makes sure she didn't kill his entire household and that she's getting along with the Chiss are short and charged, but she begrudgingly acknowledges him eventually. If only for Raina.

The extra headache of fighting with Jadus and then fighting with Zhorrid, and then having to look his estranged adoptive family in the eye every few weeks gives him heavy eyebags, but something in him feels lighter anyways when Keeper gives him a look and pats him on the shoulder as he passes him.

#swtor #oc: orradiz #darth zhorrid #jadorre #I actually don't know how old zhorrid is but i imagine she's not that far apart in age #which makes eight gritting his teeth and being a reluctant dad when he's like 3 years apart from her extra funny #took the daughter in the divorce #more than that eight vehemently wants jadus to not repeat that shit with anyone #which is a herculean task trying to change the mind of the most stubborn sith ever #but he's in a role where this is his only chance to attempt such a thing #where no one else can even get close and he's made it his duty to #he loves jadus but he refuses to recreate an echo chamber of mindless lackeys for him #and his punishment will probably be awful and hurt a lot but he never backs down from these things #ugh. i still dont know how to feel about zhorrid. it's not like you can fix everything every time #and eight could kill her and be done with it. but it would nag at him to do such a disservice and then be infatuated with her father

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born-to-lose · 2 years

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Depression coming to depress me yeehaw 🤠

#when will the crying and overthinking and suicidality and insomnia fucking end #what if i killed myself hmmm #joking this time but i don't know how long i can take this anymore #why am i having so many instrusive thoughts since the beginning of last week #i'm so sick of feeling like everyone's gonna leave me and my bf and friends just don't have the guts to tell me they actually don't like me #*jack kilmer voice* i want to fucking die #mel talks #*intrusive #i feel too shitty to even try to jerk off which is rare because i usually do it in an attempt to fix the problems in my head #on this week's episode of 'are i and the people close to me just depressed or am i an unlovable annoying piece of shit?'#time for the songs to slash your wrists open to playlist

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chuluoyi · 2 months

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𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄

- sylus x reader

more than friends with benefits, definitely lovers. your relationship is one filled with banters, steamy nights, and secret strings attached... but when someone shows an interest in you, sylus won't hesitate to stake his claim for everyone to see

genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—jealousy, crack, fluff, smut, a dash of comfort, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc)

note: loosely a sequel to strictly (un)professional. how this snowballed into 3.8k... i don't really know :')

“Missus, please spare us!”

You shot an unamused look at the twins before you, who clasped their hands together, pleading for you to let them go.

“Why is it so difficult for both of you to say?” you hissed, crossing your arms together. “I’m not asking for much—just a recount of what happened!”

“Boss will have our tongues for this!” Kieran looked up at you, quivering. “No way, I want to live!”

“He’s terrifying…” Luke shuddered in fear, hugging himself. “You don’t know how frightening he is!”

You were holding both Luke and Kieran hostage, the tender preys, all because Sylus refused to reveal what you had been wanting to know these past few weeks.

“So you’re afraid of Sylus…” You fixed them with a steely glare. “But have you ever thought that if you don’t spill it now, I will be the one taking both your tongues?”

“—?! Missus, please!”

“Why are you bullying the twins?” A deep voice cut through the twins’ pitiful laments, and you let out an exasperated huff as your chance slipped away once more.

Speak of the devil, and Sylus shall appear. He looked at the scene before him as if you were all a bunch of kindergarteners.

Luke and Kieran immediately flocked to him. “Boss! Save us! She’s scary!”

And now you were suddenly the scary one. You rolled your eyes. "Your henchmen are useless."

Sylus glanced at you with a half smile, knowing what information you were squeezing the twins for. "Sweetie, just give it up. You'll find peace faster that way."

Was it wrong to be curious about what Sylus had been up to during the three weeks you were unconscious after the attack that literally took your life? Why was he being so secretive about it anyway?

“I know, you were so worried sick you didn’t even eat or sleep,” you taunted your lover with a wicked smile. “That’s why you won’t tell me about it.”

Sylus laughed outright. “Pftt. You’ve got quite the imagination. Good to know.”

Nothing much changed after that night of his confession—if you could call it that—to you. You were indeed no longer strictly his bedwarmer, but your banters stayed the same, if not even more sarcastic now.

“Chop chop, we have an auction to go to, sweetie.” Sylus placed his big hand on your head, amused. “Stop being a hissy kitten towards the poor twins and get ready, hmm?”

“I’ll definitely uncover it,” you shot him a resentful glare. “Just you wait and see.”

Such were your days with your true kindred-spirits lover. He would tease you during the day and turn you into a hot mess at night, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

In tonight's auction, you had one target: the broker for a new rising star firearms dealer. Sylus had been eyeing him, deducing his goods could be a nice addition to his armory.

And so, you went up to him. However...

“...Are you single, miss?”

Here we go again.

You forced a tight smile. “Sir, I’d appreciate it if we can stick to subject at hand.”

The man blinked, then quickly plastered on a wide grin to mask his surprise. “Oh yes! Yes, I-I’m sorry, I got distracted— well, I’d say this is a pretty solid MoU... but I’ll need to contact my boss first.”

This weirdo... you thought with boredom, is so transparent.

This wasn’t the first time you’d dealt with a situation like this. Granted, you were pretty and you knew it, but usually, more distinguished men would be a bit more subtle about it.

“Take all the time you need,” you encouraged smoothly, your eyes crinkling in an attempt to look friendly. “As you can see, Mr. Sylus has proposed the perfect bargain for this kind of dealings.”

“I wouldn’t argue with that. I assure you we’ll certainly try to accommodate his request.” The man nodded and gave you a meaningful look, before coughing awkwardly. “Uh, sorry, what was your name again, miss?”

Your faux smile remained perfectly still as you replied, “Mephisto.”

The man’s eyes roved over you, and he grinned roguishly. “Right. Still, I never expected Mr. Sylus’ secretary to be as beautiful as you, Miss Mephisto...”

This was tedious. Your patience was tested with every leering look he gave you. Sylus must know this already, and he's somewhere laughing at the sight of you dealing with this creep.

“You flatter me too much, I’m average.”

“No, no! I mean it!”

He knows... yet he wouldn't do anything about it. Not that you would expect Sylus to barge in like a man blinded by envy, but still, he was insufferable for not coming to you just like he had for Miss Hunter back then.

The man kept droning on and on about himself and everything else that had nothing to do with the business deal, and you were this close to dropping him and using your Evol to shut him up when—

He then turned to you expectantly. “Oh, there is a dance! Miss, would you mind if I have your first dance?”

“Oh...”

And it occurred to you... why not spice things up a little?

Sylus’ dark crimson eyes narrowed silently as he watched both of you from the island table while savoring his glass of wine, before he let out a loud snort.

That vermin doesn’t have a clue he is playing with fire.

For most of your interaction, the firearms dealer’s broker kept giving you suggestive looks, and occasionally brushing his hand against yours on purpose. He wasn't even trying to hide it, and it was amusing to see how aggravated you looked the entire time.

Adorable. Sylus found you incredibly endearing these days, from your pouts to your glazed eyes whenever he thrusted into you—

You were oh so delectable… at least until he saw you holding that lesser man's arm, as he led you to the dance floor.

A deep frown immediately formed in his forehead.

“What are you scheming now?” Sylus scowled, half exasperated and half in disbelief. “You naughty cat.”

He was even more irked when he saw how casually you wrapped your arms around that vermin, twirling and pressing yourself against him in a waltz. Seeing him trying to hit on you was one thing, but for you to reciprocate was just plain unacceptable.

—and to his ire, your audacity continued throughout the night.

. . .

“Miss Mephisto, do you play pool?”

“I do.”

“Then, will you play with me?”

Sylus was now burning with tendrils of anger, watching you from a closer corner. He had seen the broker put his hands on you so many times that he had lost count—during the dance, mingling with other guests, and while sharing hearty laughs. All in all, you were acting as if you had forgotten he was even here.

You were threading on a very thin ice and whether you realized it or not... you didn't seem to care.

"Ah, I think your stance is a bit off..." And to make it worse, the broker was definitely seizing every chance he could, as there was nothing wrong with your form—you often accompanied Sylus playing pool, so you were a pro—and yet he still got behind you, trying to drape his arms around your body.

That was the last straw. Enough is enough.

Before Sylus realized what he was doing, he stormed over to where you were, yanked your arm forcefully, and effectively separated you from him. He didn’t give a damn about the horrified shout from the broker or the judging looks from other partygoers as he dragged you by the hand out of the ballroom.

“Sylus!” you nearly shrieked when he kicked open a door to a meeting room and locked it with his black-red mist. He pinned you against the wall, and crashed his lips against yours in a searing kiss.

“Mmph!” You tried pushing him back, but he was stronger and held you in place, his tongue forcing your lips open as he pressed the back of your head toward him. His other hand slipped inside your dress—between your legs— two fingers in—

“—!” you couldn't even squeal as he devoured your mouth and the shock set in, feeling yourself getting aroused by the minute when his fingers did that scissoring thing and edged you further.

After he was done with your mouth, his hot lips trailed down to your neck and shoulder blades, sucking hard on several spots, making you gasp and moan.

"Hah... this... is the price to pay for testing me, sweetie," your lover growled his nickname for you with satisfaction as he noticed you trembling body, nibbling on your shoulder. "You want to get punished so badly, huh?"

"Ahh..." you threw your head back, clinging to him, grinding yourself against his fingers.

"Is it funny to you? Watching me see him touch you?" Sylus' unforgiving ruby eyes stared down at you like a lion eyeing its prey. "What an insolent little kitten you are..."

His fingers kept moving and thrusting inside you in an alarming speed, mercilessly hitting that one spot that could make you cry. He was seriously teaching you a lesson by forcing you to come undone right then and there.

"I-I...!" you tried to refute, but then you felt the knot inside you burst, and in the next second, you could feel yourself coming all over his fingers, shuddering, your breaths coming in pants.

Feeling faint, relief washed you when he pulled out his fingers. You leaned and clung onto him, pulling him closer, and Sylus finally saw what a mess he had turned you into.

Your glassy eyes focused solely on him, seemingly pleading—and those swollen lips, as well as the sizzling heat creeping up your cheeks—

“Ha,” he let out a low chuckle, a wicked grin curling his lips. “If I can still make you look like this, then I suppose I can forgive you.”

“You’re a meanie,” you mumbled breathlessly.

“You’re the mean one,” Sylus tutted with narrowed eyes, starting to pull away from you.

But then you pulled him close again and pressed your lips to his, this time with a gentleness that surprised him.

There was no malice or burning desire in your kiss. Strangely, it felt far more intimate. You pulled away, the heart-stopping swirls of his red eyes captivating you as you pressed your foreheads together.

“Needy, aren’t you, sweetie?” Sylus whispered, holding your gaze, his breath hot against your skin.

But right now, all of a sudden, you looked so vulnerable to him, as if any wrong word from his lips would shatter you. It made him almost feel guilty for manhandling you so roughly.

You didn’t respond, just wanting this closeness with him. Behind your snarky words and little schemes, this was what you wanted more than the release you just got. Sometimes, you still worried—did he want this too?

“What is it?” Sylus asked with a frown, seemingly concerned. “Talk. Tell me.”

“Nothing…” you replied in a small voice.

“Do you feel sick? Want to go back?”

You shook your head.

You weren’t usually this quiet. Sylus couldn’t help being restless at your sudden change. It felt awkward for him to do what he was about to do next, but instinctively, he figured it would comfort you a bit.

You felt a pang in your heart when he pulled away, but in the next instant, a wave of warmth enveloped you as he pressed you to him, burying your head against his sturdy chest.

For someone who deals with blood and gore, your body felt too soft and fragile, yet still fit perfectly in his arms. Though he had held you and made love to you many times before, it was only now that he truly noticed how small you were.

“You’re warm…” you murmured, your voice carrying a hint of a whine.

So needy and pliant… for him.

“My woman is such an enduring mystery.” Sylus mused, sounding almost as if he were lamenting. “Sometimes she’s a brazen kitten without a shred of shame, but then she pulls stunts like this.”

Your heart picked up the pace. You are... his. That was right. You were his woman in every sense of the word now, and he wasn't shying away from it.

But to cover your embarrassment, you could only come up with, “Can you not refer to me as cat...?”

He shot you an irked glance. “No.”

“He calls me by your bird’s name.”

“...”

“Sylus, you can’t murder him. Your deal will go down the drain.”

“Tch.” Sylus blew out an annoyed sigh, glaring at you. “By the time I get back here, you’re going back with me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, yes.”

Honestly you were exhausted, and you wanted to nothing more than a good sleep. But you couldn't just leave the broker without preamble because this deal depended on him, and Sylus too had some loose ends he had to tie before the two of you left.

Strangely, all eyes were on you when you returned to the ballroom. You wondered why as you navigated the crowd until you met the broker you had fooled in so many ways.

“Oh, Miss Mephisto, you’re back!” he was visibly and utterly drunk, and you cringed at the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. But then you noticed his eyes seemed to be fixated on your—

Neck. You realized in horror.

“Oh... hic, t-that... I-I see,” he blabbered, coughing awkwardly as he stared at the marks on your neck. “Miss... so that man is... y-your lover...?”

“Uh...” It was a wonder he didn’t recognize Sylus at first glance. Perhaps it was because he was so infamous, but it astounded you how this person couldn’t even tell that it was him.

"I-I thought... w-we..." he hiccupped again heartbrokenly, before snatching a glass on the table. "Oh, I need more drink!"

You observed him, half cringing. "Sir, I just want to remind you that once the documents are signed—"

"Yeah, yeah! It will be done by the end of the week!" he yelled at you. "Miss, how about you have a drink too!?"

Suddenly, a glass of gin was shoved into your hand, and you let out an irritated sigh. Yeah, he might be right. A glass of alcohol would help you sleep better tonight, you figured, so you chugged it down.

"Huh...?" And it didn’t take you long to realize something was amiss. The dizzying sensation set in far too quickly, you felt so hot, and you had to lean on the table next to you to keep from falling.

“Are you okay...?” a waitress asked you with concern, but the only sound you could hear was your own violent heartbeat. Before you knew it, the glass in your hand slipped from your grasp and crashed into the floor.

"Oh, miss! Are you okay?!" the broker suddenly got a hold over your body. "Oh! It seems you aren't feeling well! Let me escort you to you room!"

Room? You barely discerned what happened when he led you out of the crowd. Your head spun terribly, and then suddenly throbbed, making you clutch it and cry out in pain, "Ah!"

It didn't make sense, no matter how you saw it. You had a pretty good tolerance, so for you to get hungover from a gin was just—

“Oh, does it hurt much?” he suddenly asked in your ear, making you shiver. “Don’t worry... it'll be bearable soon enough... I’ll make sure you will feel good…”

It's him! You realized. He spiked your drink!

His arms were now locking yours, steering you to go into the elevator. You took a deep breath before directing your speech manipulation evol on him— "Let go!"

He was immediately jerked away from you, but as a result, you almost crumpled, your vision swimming and your head pounding intensely. The pain made you feel close to passing out, and yet you managed to trek forward, leaning on the wall for support.

You had to get away from him before he could catch up to you. Panic set in, and when strong arms caught you, you convulsed, thinking he had grabbed you—

“Stop thrashing!”

“S-Sylus...?” You looked up, trying to focus on his face, but everything was so blurry.

“I’m here.” His voice was ragged, and you’d recognize it anywhere. “What happened to you? Are you hurt?”

“M-my head...” Your voice came out as a broken whimper, clutching at your throbbing head. “Hurts...”

You were feverish, trembling against his hold, and you reeked of alcohol. Sylus instantly realized something was seriously wrong and pressed your head into his chest to provide comfort. “Just a little bit longer—” his deep voice carried a subtle hint of alarm as he hoisted you up to his arms. “Hang on, alright?”

But just as he was about to bring you back, he caught the sight of a fleeing silhouette in the corner, and realizing who it was, his right eye blazed, black and red mist swirled in the air and restrained the broker, engulfing his screams.

“S-spare me! P-please!” the man pleaded tearfully, pinned on the ground, and Sylus approached him silently, looking down at him with so much spite in his eyes.

“A roach that doesn’t seem to know his place…” The corners of his lips twisted into a sadistic smile. “Whether you survive or not depends on you. Best hope you’ll last.”

Despite his pleas, he paid it no mind as he walked away with you in his arms.

When you awakened, your head was no longer pounding.

It took you a moment to realize there was a cool compress on your forehead, you were now in a clean oversized sweater, and someone was holding your hand.

Sylus. You looked up to find him asleep, sitting with his back against the headboard beside you. It was rare to catch him sleeping. In this moment, he looked defenseless, yet a faint frown lingered on his handsome face.

Has he been waiting for you like this, holding your hand all night...?

You tried to get a better look at him, but the rustle seemed to wake him up instead, as his eyes cracked open.

“You awake?” he asked, voice so sultry it woke all your senses up. “I was just shutting my eyes.”

“Aren’t you uncomfortable sleeping like that?” you asked.

Sylus turned toward you, his eyes still hazy from sleep. “What about you? Feeling better?”

“Mm-hmm.”

He placed a hand on your head, ruffling your hair gently.

“Really, you...” His stare was so withering it made question marks appear in your head. “I took my eyes off you for one minute, and you ended up with alcohol poisoning?”

“—? I didn’t know! But wait, what happened to that bozo?”

Sylus gave you a deadpan look, and you gasped. “You… didn’t kill him and have his body secretly disposed of, did you?”

“Just who do you think I am?”

“…a kingpin of an illegal syndicate?”

Your lover’s scowl deepened further at your response. “Nah, he got lucky. I only returned him with a broken jaw, broken hips, and two missing teeth.”

“Sylus!”

If he looked sleepy before, now he definitely looked wide awake. Sylus always sleeps at dawn, and you wanted him to rest more than anything, but now you were itching to ask him...

“Say... were you waiting for me while sitting like this too when I wasn’t conscious for three weeks?” You avoided his gaze, the question burning on your lips. Sylus had never given you a straight answer whenever you asked him about this.

This time too, he grumbled, “Why do you keep asking that?”

“Because I can’t ask Luke and Kieran, they look as if you’d set them on fire.”

Sylus went silent, not giving you any affirmation at all, and you huffed and unclasped his hand, pursing your lips together. “I see. You don’t care about me at all. Noted.”

You heard him sigh, before his red eyes squarely landed on you.

“When I was shot, you worried about me even when you know I’m going to be alright,” he suddenly posed the question on you. “Didn’t you?”

You nodded, and he tousled your hair again—the action alone somehow made you feel warm.

“Whatever you felt that day, that’s the same to what I went through during those three weeks. Multiply it by ten.”

“Huh!?” you rose up from the sheets in surprise, facing him.

Sylus then turned away from you, crossing his arms and shutting his eyes. “That’s it, sweetie. I’m going back to sleep now.”

“Wait!”

You scrambled into his lap, clinging to his shoulder. Sylus begrudgingly opened his eyes again, a look of irritation on his face. “What?”

Multiply it by ten…? Heh. At this moment, you felt light and giddy, knowing that the two of you were now true lovers in every way that mattered even when you were faced with his sourness.

“Don't scowl too much!” you giggled merrily. You placed your fingers on the corners of his lips, gently lifting them to force a smile. “Honesty suits you much better, Sylus. It’s recommended.”

This cheeky woman... Sylus never thought the day would come for him to experience these myriad of emotions, much less for them to be incited by you.

He pulled you close, one arm around your hips and the other around the back of your head. Your lips met his in a passionate kiss that left no room for further conversation, only parting when you both needed to catch your breath.

“If you want me to, then don’t make me relive those nights,” he said with a sly smile, his crimson eyes glinting in the light and his voice like silk against your ears. “Can you?”

His tone softened your gaze, a warm sensation spreading through your chest. You responded with a playful snort, wrapping your arms around his neck and giving him another peck on the lips.

After your innocent make-out session, you nestled closer to him with a contented sigh, savoring the reassuring warmth of his embrace as you both drifted off again into the morning.

Epilogue

"Do you hear anything?"

"No, nothing..."

Luke and Kieran whispered amongst themselves as they tried to hear anything of importance beyond Sylus' bedroom. After their boss went back home with you passed out in his arms last night, they had totally expected the worst.

“Seems like she’s alright then…” Kieran concluded, stepping away from the door. “We should just go. If Boss catches us, we’re dead.”

The twins backed away from the door and went back to the living room, sighing in relief.

"But honestly, Boss has changed lately, hasn't he? He looks kinder, somehow."

"Are you sure, Luke? Maybe it's just when he looks at the missus. With us, meh."

“I still get chills thinking about when he destroyed the Protofield to dust after he found her following the explosion,” Luke gazed off in wonder. “It was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, but it was also heartbreaking—especially when he tried to wake her and realized she was beyond help because the steel had pierced her heart…”

Luke and Kieran went quiet at the memory.

“Anyhow!” Kieran suddenly exclaimed. “All’s well that ends well! To be honest, I totally saw it coming that they'd end up together!”

“Ooh, you're right! They did a bad job of hiding it too, no less! I mean, one time, the missus came out of his room while—”

As the twins gossiped about their master and mistress, they were unaware that Mephisto the crow, perched nearby, was dutifully recording their conversation and would report it all to his master later.

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