This week’s bonus content brings us Jake and John discussing the likelihood of a robot apocalypse:
JAKE: Hey there pal!
JAKE: So youre jades... brother?
JOHN: that's right!
JOHN: compared to how confusing everyone else's family trees are, we are very straight forward.
JOHN: even if we did not know we were related at first...
JOHN: i wasn't sure how YOU were related to her, back when you were pen pals.
JOHN: do you remember sending me that letter?
JAKE: By jove i almost forgot about that. It feels like ages ago.
JOHN: i don't know how long it was for you, but i got it three years ago.
JAKE: I mean from my point of view it was only a couple of months but a lots gone on.
JOHN: it arrived on my birthday so it was right on time.
JOHN: it came in handy in a tight spot.
JOHN: you were right in your letter, i DO love movies.
JOHN: even if i am not into wrestling that much.
JAKE: Oh well ive had my fill of fisticuffs for awhile anyway. Movies on the other hand i havent had much time to dig into!
JAKE: By the way did you like your present?? And little terry kiser?
JOHN: um...
JOHN: well, i named her liv tyler, actually. i didn't know you already named her, or him.
JOHN: anyway, she saved my butt in a big way!
JOHN: and then she flew off on a ship heroically, but ran off again i guess?
JOHN: and then she somehow joined dave and rose on their even more heroic mission to blow up a sun.
JOHN: which they failed to do mostly because they actually MADE the sun, but the important thing is that they tried.
JOHN: they came back, but i think the bunny didn't make it. :(
JAKE: I live by the philosophy that when a stuffed toy changes hands its appropriate to change its name. It gives things a history like that.
JAKE: At least she died doing something i presume she enjoyed.
JOHN: blowing up?
JAKE: No!! Being a hero and dicing up bad guys!
JOHN: was the robot sentient?
JOHN: maybe we should have treated it with more respect, so it would not turn evil and destroy us like a watership down version of skynet.
JAKE: I mean dirk helped me a little in making it and all of his projects seem to enjoy that kind of mayhem.
JAKE: Not as much as his own version of the rabbit but i think in giving me advice at least a couple of his engine greased fingerprints are on it.
JOHN: man, everyone is some sort of robotics genius around here.
JOHN: if we hadn't already had an apocalypse ushered in by rogue technology i would be worried.
JAKE: I briefly suspected hal but no worries.
JAKE: I think if he were going to attempt a robopocalypse he wouldve done it a long time ago when he was bored and had less to do.
JOHN: he and terezi would get along. they both seem to enjoy wreaking mayhem for fun, although she says she's sorry now.
JAKE: They might try but dirk would go spare.
JAKE: And I think hes tossed out all his spares for today already.
JOHN: everyone has learned their lesson about devious deeds!
JOHN: i'm confident that will not happen in the future.
JOHN: instead we can relax and do things like watch that movie you were recommending.
JAKE: Oh yeah!!
JAKE: Which one did i recommend again? I think it was weekend at bernies.
JOHN: the one about the corpse getting moved around to trick people?
JAKE: Oh yes! Two gentlemen discover that their boss has died shortly before throwing a party and try to convince people hes still alive by puppeting his body around! Its really quite hilarious!
JOHN: it sounds good.
JOHN: although apparently i'm already locked in to watching a few others.
JOHN: including dave's?
JOHN: i can't believe he became a big deal movie star in your world, that's hilarious.
JAKE: He did. Ive got one of his characters tattooed on my arm!
JOHN: um
JOHN: you do?
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: have you told him that?
JAKE: Not yet. Should i?
JOHN: you might actually make him speechless, which would be a first.
JOHN: definitely try it.
JOHN: wait, which one is it anyway?
JOHN: also, how did you get a tattoo?
JOHN: i thought you grew up alone or something, like jade did.
JAKE: Ive got sweet bro. Dirk gave it to me after we met up!
JAKE: Hes got hella jeff. We match!
JAKE: Let me tell you it was a harrowing thing getting it! Id heard getting a tattoo really hurts but you know what i just closed my eyes and before i knew it it was over just like that.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: huh.
JOHN: well, that sounds exciting. i'm sure he'll be thrilled.
JOHN: none of us have ever shown that level of devotion.
JOHN: mostly we just repeat his shitty memes.
JAKE: Dirk takes memes to a whole new level pal.
JOHN: i haven't really had a chance to meet him before this.
JOHN: i've been missing out on so many reunions today, maybe because i keep bouncing around taking people places.
JOHN: out of you guys i've mostly talked to jane and roxy.
JOHN: and i only talked to jane once!
JOHN: i'm already behind.
JAKE: Oh im sure youll get along great! Hes a cool dude and super smart. A little odd but he genuinely means well.
JOHN: i'm looking forward to meeting everyone!
JOHN: wait, i did meet him once, that's right.
JOHN: back in the bad timeline, i saw him floating in space and asked him what happened, because i'd just come back from fighting calliope's brother.
JOHN: but all he said was 'i failed' and then he... turned into glitter?
JOHN: there were lots of glitches floating around, it was a hazard.
JOHN: hopefully we can overcome that first impression.
JAKE: ...yeah that sounds like dirk.
JAKE: He can be pretty dramatic.
JOHN: rose and dave are super dramatic too, he'll fit right in.
JOHN: with all of us together it's going to be all drama all the time.
JOHN: it will be up to us normal people to keep things under control.
JAKE: He grew up all alone so sometimes i think he only knows how to act from movies too but who knows. Maybe it runs in families.
JAKE: Family. Weird.
JAKE: Hey that means were family too arent we?
JOHN: i guess so!
JOHN: you're my...
JOHN: hm.
JOHN: relative.
JAKE: Relative. I guess.
JAKE: I cant exactly go calling you great uncle john even if i still call jade "grandma".
JAKE: Has a ring to it though! Great uncle john! Its all folksy like poppop crocker.
JOHN: that's right, i was jane's grandpa in your universe, i guess.
JOHN: which is also weird to think about.
JOHN: and i was sort of everyone's dad, by mixing our slimes.
JOHN: so it keeps getting more outrageous.
JOHN: as for knowing how to act from movies...
JOHN: i didn't even grow up alone, and i think sometimes i have that problem.
JOHN: you want your life to make sense that way!
JOHN: but real life is a lot more complicated sometimes.
JAKE: Yeah!!
JAKE: God yes it is. ESPECIALLY when it comes to romance. Good grief.
JOHN: i know!
JOHN: the movies make it look like it's essential or something, when usually in real life it mostly seems to cause trouble.
JOHN: but you can't get a good ending otherwise, unless you accomplish that and a bunch of other arbitrary criteria.
JOHN: most of which we haven't accomplished ourselves, but i think we're going to get a good ending anyway.
JOHN: still it can mess with your head.
JOHN: real life is not like the movies, that's for sure.
JAKE: Its hard to have a romance going when your life is constantly under threat by skeleton monsters.
JAKE: Also your first time seeing another person in ten years and your first boyfriend happen on like the same day.
JOHN: see, that's how it happens in the movies sometimes.
JOHN: the main characters meet up and get together right away, and i guess you have to assume it all works out, because the movie ends.
JOHN: but when you're actually doing things it is not that convenient, you have to keep going.
JOHN: although i hope we're going to get a break soon.
JOHN: i would be happy for the credits to close on the constant heroics and dying for a while.
JAKE: Me too.
JAKE: I want a nap. Without an evil spider troll waking me up.
JAKE: Movies also dont tell you how tiring the whole rigmarole of adventure is.
JOHN: the main characters always look great, if fashionably ruffled, and they can keep going no matter what.
JOHN: but i'm kind of tired.
JOHN: especially since i've lived through the same hours twice in places i think?
JAKE: You and your weird time travel nonsense again huh?
JOHN: i will probably be mostly retiring that, i wouldn't want to cause any more trouble.
JOHN: for now it looks like everything is turning out fine on its own.
JAKE: Yessir i think were on the right path now and as soon as were done here im gonna take a long nap and anyone who cares to wake me up can throw down about it even if they are a hitherto-perfectly nice troll lady. Or human lady. Or anyone else.
JAKE: The suplex of slumber justice is unisex.
JOHN: that's the spirit!
JOHN: we will all pass out and righteously beat up any one who disturbs us.
JOHN: except hopefully once we are settled somewhere a little less exposed.
JOHN: if we were asleep here someone might roll off.
JAKE: But we can fly?
JAKE: Where would we even fall? Towards the frog since its like a planet? Or... down? Were being pulled down by gravity i guess but how can we fall down if theres just space?
JAKE: Would we float in our sleep? Maybe just get sucked back to the victory platform?
JOHN: that sounds like a question for jade, she's more interested in how this works.
JOHN: i told her science was dumb and boring if it didn't work the way i wanted, which made her upset, but i guess i got what i wanted.
JOHN: so hah.
JAKE: So science works how you want now?
JAKE: Are you ganking my power set young man??
JOHN: not all of science, just space and time i guess.
JOHN: and all of the scientific laws i am violating with my wanton displacement of matter and energy.
JOHN: what ever those laws might be.
JOHN: i am not a scientist or lawyer.
JOHN: or science lawyer.
JAKE: You fiend. Ah well as long as you dont go abusing your power im sure nothing terrible will happen. Like you flap your windy hood and cause a hurricane down south like an errant butterfly of causality.
JOHN: well, i sort of lured lord english here, but i had to to save calliope, and we had to fight him anyway, so hopefully you can let that slide.
JOHN: like i said, i will be taking it easy from now on.
JAKE: I hear you there. Im over here asking myself do i even want to go wandering around this wonderland of dreaminess or do i just want to curl up over in that edge of the lily pad and have a nice snooze?
JAKE: You know i can nap almost anywhere. I consider it a talent.
JAKE: I have fallen asleep on clear grassy hills except thats probably not a good thing because centaurs can track through at any moment and they arent too careful about where they step!
JOHN: jade was like that too!
JOHN: although it MIGHT have partly been a troll messing with her brain again?
JOHN: trolls sure are meddlesome.
JOHN: anyway, this is probably our last chance to explore the dream bubbles, so maybe hold off on the naps until later.
JOHN: also, centaurs?
JAKE: Centaurs!
JAKE: Oh yeah did i never say my island was full of alien monsters?
JAKE: Because my island was full of alien monsters.
JOHN: wow, your life actually WAS like a movie.
JOHN: no wonder it was tempting to see yourself as an action hero.
JOHN: everyone else had such weird and dramatic childhoods.
JOHN: i don't have many bragging rights but
JOHN: i liked mine.
JOHN: i guess i'm one of the people that actually... left something ok behind?
JOHN: but that's fine! because there can be ok things in the future too.
JOHN: or hopefully more than ok.
JAKE: I hope so.
JAKE: I mean most things would probably be better than having to keep an eye out for monsters while walking to the pantry for canned friggin beets.
JAKE: Not that i couldnt handle myself but beets arent worth that much.
JOHN: bluch, no.
JOHN: jade kept trying to make us eat our vegetables.
JOHN: it was terrible.
JOHN: she doesn't even know about lunchables.
JAKE: My grandma ONLY stocked veggies.
JAKE: And this weird stuff called spam.
JOHN: i think our jade would probably have a heart attack if she saw spam.
JOHN: although she does like raw beef these days.
JOHN: which is a little alarming if you see her eat it.
JAKE: I think she mostly included it as a courtesy to me and also i dont think theres many other great ways to keep meat.
JAKE: So i hunted! Hopefully most of those creatures were edible and i didnt give myself any weird diseases.
JOHN: the rest of you were like man versus wild!
JOHN: including dave and rose kind of, even though they lived in real houses.
JOHN: i will have to catch up if we are in some sort of survivor situation in the new universe.
JOHN: i'm not really sure how that will pan out.
JAKE: Youll be fine. Well watch your back!
JAKE: Dirk will probably like. Invent a house if you give him long enough.
JAKE: Just stick with jane and youll be fine. Shes kind of like you in that she also had a pretty cushy upbringing if you count out the assassination attempts.
JAKE: Not that i hold it against her anything. We all take our lumps as theyre given. I mean she also has a dead grand-
JAKE: Wait a minute.
JAKE: Did you say you were...?
JAKE: *Suspicious squinting.*
JOHN: what?
JAKE: Janes...
JAKE: Poppop?
JOHN: i... guess so?
JOHN: that would make sense, she was my nanna.
JOHN: oh man, was i also crushed to death by a flying baby?
JOHN: that would be so undignified.
JAKE: But hold the damn phone!!
JAKE: You were ALSO jades brother in my timeline!
JAKE: So if you were siblings and youre also janes poppop...
JAKE: Would that make her and i... related??
JOHN: um...
JOHN: not genetically?
JOHN: but i think you were adopted siblings in our world.
JAKE: !!
JOHN: she grew up with a brother under a wicked alien queen.
JOHN: which was betty crocker!
JOHN: and the troll empress.
JOHN: it is all connected.
JAKE: So we were always family!
JAKE: Gosh shell be so surprised to find out i bet. Just over the moon.
JOHN: who doesn't want more family?
JAKE: Of course! Good gravy aint that just like a movie. So many of us grow up without any family to speak of and we find out we were all family all along!
JAKE: Consarnit id even call that some kind of irony.
JOHN: at least it's a pretty crazy coincidence.
JOHN: except since skaia set it up that way it's not a coincidence at all.
JAKE: The chilly wind of fate whips through our unshielded undercarriages.
JAKE: Get out of there skaia that zone is closed for business!
JAKE: Its not enough to be whipping round my legs its gotta go and nab my shorts too...
JAKE: Well ive had the last laugh. Ive got PANTS now! AND family! HAH!
JOHN: well, fate or coincidence or whatever, I'M happy about it.
JOHN: and i think both pants and family are important.
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