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#Fucking loooove ittttt when i ask for help w communicating w my dad and then when i express how i feel like#everything i do and everything i say to him is wrong and bad and shows im selfish and horrible#this person says 'relationships go both ways' and im like uHHHHHHH#i dont have a whole lotta empathy for someone who's abused me for years actually (bc at this point im mad as fuck)#and this person goes 'abused?' at which point i literally start to dissociate and lose the ability to think straight about what's going on#so i say im sick and tired of people knowing nothing about me and having to explain myself to everyone over and over again#while nothing ever sticks#and this person has the audacity to go and whine that i cant expect every single person to know everything about me???#i think 3 sentences in my file could summarise all that clearly enough to give people some guidelines but ALRIGHT APPARENTLY THATS TOO MUCH#meanwhile she keeps pushing me to make some stupid decision and im like i literally cannot think anymore right now and she keeps pushing it#and im freaking out internationally as im struggling not to zone the fuck out and remember how last time this happened#several people threatened to drag me out of the office instead of ya know. comforting the person whos obviously very upset#im so fuckimg tired of the stupid bullshiy#sure keep whininh at me in your nails on a chalkboard voice! sure!! thqt fucking helps right?!#im so fucking mad about this whole situation like imagine fucking dissociating while trying to arrange very practical shit like what the fuc#and then being in a room where the supposed professional doesn't even know what dissociation is lmaooo#im sorry but i feel like a trauma 101 class is essential in a group home for young folks like this one#im so tired of being treated like a picky little bitch when i just want to have professionals who know what theyre doing.#if u can tell the entire team about a client's diabetes and make a management plan u SURE AS HELL can make a plan for me too#on top of everything else im having like proper relivings of shit which rarely happens and is really upsetting#im like safe n shit and about to go crawl in bed and go to sleep and ill be fine tomorrow#but it really fucking SUCKS to be in this place#i feel like some stupid edgy teen even just talking about this but that's also really fucking stupid
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