#i drank too much coffee now i have 500 thoughts per second

[rinniessance]

i just know yuuji bites his kit kat like this

[taleof2hearts]

Tired

I got about an hour of sleep last night. I’ve been working all day and now I am just trying to stay awake until 8 or 9 when I can go to sleep for hours. I am staying on everything. I have to. I can’t make a mistake or I will lose the option to sell the 500 homes... at $5k per home to me to sell it, I can’t screw it up. The 117MM apartment complex sale cleared another hurdle... that is about 90 days out to close. My cut on that should be $500k. It’d be crazy to bring in approx $3.5MM in the next 90 days. Anything they want me to sell, I’m selling. But, yesterday I worked straight without food for 14 hours... only coffee. Today it’s been 9 hours. I need sleep. I have been on the edge of being nauseous all day. Second day in a row with no food. I should really force myself to eat something... just not hungry. I am already down 25 lbs from New Years... 10 more to go. I like that I’m getting my old body back. Friday night is a huge LS party with lots of very pretty people. I am going to get my brains fucked out and as it has been a couple weeks and I REALLY lost Him and I’m under so much stress and my house is down to the studs from the storm... It is just what my mood needs right now... a huge beautiful people orgy. I’m going to hydrate for a couple days to prepare for all the cumming that I’ll be doing. He has not been far from my mind today, but, now I’m trying to walk away and forget that he exists. I deleted the Tumblr app on my phone, so I can’t look 10 zillion times a day like a strung out crack whore. I wonder if it is even possible to forget about Him... I had kind of given up on it. I think I am just cursed. I am definitely tired and maybe everything will look better with a hot shower. I haven’t drank the last couple nights since the last time I got black out drunk and texted him at almost 1 in the morning. I really would like a scotch right now... but, what is stopping me is that I’m too afraid that I’ll do something stupid. I’m trying not to be sad that we’re REALLY over. I’m trying to be thankful that the Gods let Him be part of my life at all. It was a privilege to know such a soul and to have a connection like that with another. I need to think of it that way and be thankful for that privilege and not focus on the loss. I wonder if my mind is strong enough to Will myself that way. I think so will always get a small smile on my face, that I am one of the rare humans who actually got to experience true love. I hope I’m not being stupid for thinking that. The hooker I think has the same thoughts about her time with Him. I hope I was different from the others. I think I was. The sad thing is, He can still talk to them when it’s over because He doesn’t care... but, I’ll never get Him in my life again because He does care... that really kind of sucks.