#i drew this a few days ago and im trying to break the habit of hoarding art for 2+ months at a time before uploading

[sharmoota-job]

some north yankton bois

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Love Is Blind

Masterlist

Summary: The time has come to reveal your and Henry's relationship to your brothers, simple right? Well it would be if your wasn't the baby sister to the infamous Shelby brothers.

Warnings: RPF, Swearing, Slight Angst, Fluff, Confrontation, Implied Violence

A/N: so here is the Peaky Blinders AU that i started a few days ago, Im really happy with this and had a lot of fun with it. But please excuse the typo's

Taglist: in reblogs

You looked around the road eyes wide ,watching the passers by. The peaky blinders were everywhere... this was always a risk, not to mention you wasn't entirely sure where each of your brothers were. Or aunt Polly you only knew that Ava was off with her lover Fred. And you were doing much of the same... Well not Fred but Henry, your own lover. You'd met him when welcoming Tommy home from the war... He was hard to miss tall- taller then Tommy even! and injured he was searching the crowded dock but... It was clear to see that noone was there to greet him off the boat. He looked distraught and shattered. You were a bleeding heart and had approached him as your family had a small get together, you'd given him a hug pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek and welcomed him home giving him one of the flowers in the bouquet you'd brought for tommy. He had appreciated it, more then you'd ever know.

What you hadn't known was that he was moving into a home a few streets away. A few weeks later you saw him and he thanked you politely, you couldn't help think how very handsome he was, perfect blue eyes but for a speck of brown in his right eye, sharp regal features and pale alabaster skin now free from the bruising of his injury. He hadn't been as broad or muscular back then, but had been tall and lean.

Over the next few months chance meetings became dates, dates became full days basking in one another's presence until finally after a few months you'd fallen for the amazing gentle giant. It had been hard falling so hopelessly in love with Henry and having to hide from brothers and gangsters alike. But somehow you'd both made it with minimal near misses. Three years. Three years you'd been having this secret romance with him. But now you wanted more, as selfish as it was you wanted to be free to love him in public. Without worrying who may have seen you or if Aunt Polly will tell Thomas.

Yes she knew alright. There are no secrets from Aunt Polly. She said you done well and had even spoke with Henry a few times, she liked him. He wasn't in the business but could protect you, his shear size would be enough of a deterrent to others. And honestly she thought Tommy would get along with him, henry was clever and had an imposing frame. If Tommy had the chance, you knew Henry would be pulled into the fold, you were just unsure if that's what you both wanted.

Henry hadn't had much luck with work at first when he was here, so he became a boxer for a time learning to fight and defend himself and bulked up. It was terrifying to watch him be so ferocious in the ring and you thanked god each day Henry had avoided gaining a crooked nose. A few times you'd run into Tommy at the fights, your brother had singled you out and had you brought to him to stand and watch. But you were pleased to find out that your brother always placed his money on your man... So that was a good sign wasn't it?

Henry knew you didn't like his fighting but continued, he wanted to offer you everything. A home with kids and garden a cute little dog and the best clothes and food money could buy. So he saved everything! Kept all his winnings and in just over a year he had a nice sum of money in bets from his winnings and managed to earn enough for a small house. Since then he had a job doing the heavy lifting in a local Steel works.

Everything was set! Henry had a home for you, which you had a hand in help decorate. He promised a long and happy future with you! There was just the small problem of your family. They were... Protective to say the least, not only were you a Shelby sister but younger then Ava.

You quickly left the street today you were meeting Henry by the docks where Tommy kept the horse he'd just got. It was close... but not too close, it was worth the risk to be able to see Henry. Today was the day. You both decided! Henry will talk to them, introduce himself to your brothers this afternoon at the pub before they could drink too much.

You rounded the barn casting one final glance over your shoulder out of habit and slipped into the stalls. You could see him already, his flat cap and dark blue suit. Oh god he had dressed up for it, shit tommy would laugh him out of the bar. You chewed your lip and quivered you were anxious, this could be make or break. If Tommy was against it there was no way you could sneak about and keep your relationship going. They would chase henry out of Birmingham. Or kill him.

You stepped around the horse and giggled watching as henry gave himself a little pep talk twisting his signet ring on his pinkie with shaky hands. He was terrified and so were you. He paused and spun around to face you when he heard the small clicks of your heels on the concrete floor.

"W-what do you think?" he said spinning around holding his hands out letting you get a look at him. You stepped closer to him trying to settle your rapid heart. He was immaculate, stunning and handsome, sculpted by the gods... But looked too pretty. And god knows a Shelby girl wont be allowed to date a pretty boy. You smiled at him stopping inches away from him and walked your fingers over his chest slowly unbuttoning his suit jacket.

"You are magnificent... But a little too refined." you hummed motioning for him to shrug out of the loose suit jacket. He hissed out a shaky breath as you took the jacket from him and tucked it over your arm. That was better, the vest and white shirt showed his frame perfectly, and it also showed the slight strain on the buttons of his shirt. Hinting at the powerful man hidden beneath. You wanted them to see he was a strong man and it wasn't all the cut of the suit. You needed them to see you'd chosen a strong man capable of protecting you.

"There perfect" you said stepping back straightening his tie a little and stood back eyeing him carefully. There really was nothing more you could do. He would have to prove himself in what ever test your brother would conjure on the spot. By god you hope he impressed them.

"Yes you are" he quipped quickly eyes locking on to you making you blush and look away tip toeing around the horse in the stall that hid the two of you. Henry drew in a deep breath watching you closely. This was it. Today was the day, and he hadn't a clue what he was going to say to the great Shelby men. He cursed under his breath turning from you for a second. You understood, this wasn't just your future you were risking today, it was his life. Not many impress Tommy and far less managed to get in his good books when they were trying it on with the baby sister.

"You know that you have to just... Go in there and say 'I'm dating your sister' Right? Be firm and tell them like it is! Stand up to them! They would respect that" You cooed grinning at him from across the barn watching as your love eyed you from the other side of the magnificent white horse Tommy had recently got.

"What and have John blind me with his blades?" He scoffed at you before rounding the horse ducking under the stallions huge head and leant forward trapping you with huge hands resting either side of the horse stall you were leaning on.

"Ugh Johnny boy couldn't even reach your eyes Henry... Its just Tommy and Arthur you need to watch..." you rolled your eyes at him trying to act normal and ignore the black cloud hanging over your head. If this was the last time you were to be alone with him you wanted him to remember you as you are, not the nervous terrified woman you were at this moment. You smirked rising on your tip toes and teased his lips with your breath making him groan silently, the deep contracting of his wide barrelled chest the only give away to the effect you had on him.

You pulled back just as he dipped down to meet your lips and giggled at him as he wound his large arms around you hoisting you up by your waist and sat you on the wooden fence on the box stall bringing you eye level with him. You giggled folding your arms in your lap with his jacket knowing he wouldn't let you fall, he never did.

"Ah just Tommy and Arthur... That is cruel, I'm shaking in my shoes love" he teased wetting his lips with the luxurious pink tongue you knew all too well.

"Aww my poor bear, so frightened of my brothers I know, perhaps this will help you find that courage of yours~" you cooed before pressing forward kissing him on the lips. His lips drew up into a beaming grin and he stepped closer forcing your legs to part and dress to rise up to your knees as he devoured you in a heated yet forbidden kiss.

"Well then lets go shall we?" He grumbled eyes alight with a new want, a deep desire he had never shown before. It was thrilling and awe inspiring. Like he had a new lust, a lust for life and not just what was hidden beneath your skirts.

"Oh love like you said Tommy and Arthur?! I'm going to need all my strength for this meeting" he laughed as your face held a look of shock and disbelief then a petulant pout when you realised  there will be no quick romp in the hay this afternoon. With one final wink he spun around heading for the door.

You stood outside the pub. Your brothers were inside, you could feel it. There was a buzz in the air, the destinct feeling that followed 'the boss' hanging around. You had drawn a little attention walking the streets With henry at your side. People watched as the young Shelby woman walked arm in arm with an undisclosed male carrying his jacket no less. It made you cringe hearing the murmurs of 'should we tell the boss' 'does tommy know?' 'should we help her?' but luckily none made any moves towards you as you moved deeper and deeper into the heath. Towards the pub. You slowed as you neared the final destination and henry pulled out his cigarette tin fishing out the small stick deciding to have a quick smoke before entering the proverbial lions den.

"It will be okay... He will... Test you, but remember family is everything and I'm his youngest sister so..." you trailed off, the truth was you didn't know what Tommy would do or say. He was unpredictable and cunning, he liked to test people. You just hoped Henry passed with flying colours... or the only thing flying will be... you closed your eyes trying not to think of what would happen if things went sour. Henry could die, literally die today for loving you. It curdled your stomach you cant loose him. You hoped Tommy would see that.

"I know that... Here twos?" he said offering you the small cigarette he had been dragging on quickly nervously trying to pull some more courage from the small stick. Because once he was inside he couldn't show any weakness. It was daunting unable to show weakness when the love of his life was on the line. Henry was under no illusions Tommy could and would kill him, and there would be little Henry could do.

"Just remember y/n no matter what I love you. I will always love you" henry said as you toom a few drags on the cigarette. You whined and nodded breathing out the smoke trying to exhale all the tension and anxiety with the fumes.

"I love you too Henry, so much more then I thought I could ever love anyone" without a thought Henry pulled you to him and pressed a kiss to your lips. He didn't give a damn he was kissing the forbidden princess right outside her king brothers castle, or that the others around them would see. Be needed this one final pick me up before faceing the firing squad.

You smiled pulling back handing Henry the remainder of the cigarette and nodded to him. You got this. Then entered the pub walking right into the private room where your family sat. Instantly Polly looked at you frowning seeing you were pale, worried. Then her eyes flicked to your hands still folded with Henry's jacket draped over them. She drew a deep breath and sat straighter looking at the three males wearily. Oh god.

"Tommy I need to talk to you" you said seriously. But the blue eyed man rolled his eyes flicking the ash off his cigarette into the crystal ashtray before speaking dismissively trying to wave you off.

"Your not having that cat its final" john and Arthur chuckled at the automatic response Tommy gave but you frowned. You wasn't to sure what to say next, you didn't want to agitate him but you needed him to listen.

"No its not that- I have something to tell you and its important" you said drawing the attention of John and Arthur, but tommy heaved a sigh and moved stubbing out the lit cigarette and flicked his eyes to you letting you know he was listening.

"Mr Shelby could we talk?" You looked up seeing Henry standing there, tall and wide. Firm and unafraid confidently eyeing your brothers in a way oud never seen before. People cowered. Henry wasn't there was no hint of the anxious man outside. Henry was on a mission.

"Not now can't you see I'm speaking with my sister?" He grunted his voice was even. But to others could be seen as irritated. You turned as Henry didn't so much as flinch, you thought he'd run off but Henry let himself into the room standing closely behind you, one hand moving to his head removing his flat cap revealing the neat styled hair. The usually fluffy curls pulled into a slick style that accentuated his angular features. You nodded to him with a smile pleading him to carry on. What you didn't expect was for henrys huge arm to wrap around your waist in front of your sibling's. Fuck. You felt the shift in the room, anger and shock radiating from the men but an overwhelming curiosity. They wanted to watch this, it was rare someone was so god damned stupid as to put hands on you.

"She is the reason I'm here Mr Shelby" Henrys voice carried over the small space in a low determined tone. You tucked yourself into him, pivoting and twisting a hand to his tummy resting there, fingers twisting the button on his vest. You just needed to feel him, you felt like you were shielding him, but it was also self soothing. You needed to reassure yourself he was here for you. No one else. You.

"Oh? And why is that then?" Tommy shifted leaning back eyeing the man who was being so familiar with his baby sister. Tommy was no fool, you hand flinched or pulled away, this male had been around you enough that you were used to him touching you. You gravitated towards him like... like a lover? Tommy's blue eyes bit into the man. As unsettling as it was seeing his sister so close to another man Tommy couldn't help feeling a little relief, a small spark of joy. If this was your beau you'd done well. Tall, muscular wide and imposing. Not many would pick a fight with him, even drunk people would steer clear of him.

"She invited me" Tommy smirked hearing the man speak, he was confident. Unafraid that boded well too. He wasn't a fucking coward... or atleast he was pretending not to be.

"This is what I wanted to talk to you all about...Tommy, Arthur, John... This is Henry... My?" You hesitated and looked between henry and our family. You just froze, clammed up at the calculating look on Tommy's face. It was frightening being scrutinised by him.

"Lover sweetheart we agreed no more secrets" Henry finally broke the silence tipping his face down to yours with a smile. Ignoring your family in favour of snapping you back to reality.

"Oh no you fuckin' aint sonny boy- y/n you get your ass over here now!" Arthur broke the silence with a rough voice shouting, ordering you to round the table and sit next to him. You grit your teeth and shoo, your head at Arthur watching as he turned red in anger. You wasn't like Ava, you never caused trouble or made trouble for your brothers, heel you were a 'goody two shoes' always doing as you were told. But this time you refused to do as you were asked and stayed put.

Tommy ever the eagle eye noticed. He had been ready to rip this man to shreds but, your simple act of defiance caught his attention. You wasn't a girl to play silly games, so to blatantly refuse and tell them no and side with this Henry meant you were serious. This was serious. And Tommy was wracking his brain he recognised this man... But from where? He was sure he wasn't a blinder so who was he?

"Now y/n don't make me come and get ya"

"I said no"  you snapped at your eldest brother, but your eyes were on Tommy. Henry squeezed your waist as you stared down your most threatening of brothers. Eyes locking with his blue gaze as you held your ground. The smallest of smirks tugged at his lip. You were unsure if it was good or bad but he wasn't scowling so you'd take that as a win.

"Your the one that was boxing...pulverised the others" Tommy said pointing slowly at Henry whilst pulling a crystal glass of whisky towards him, his thumb skimming the rim of the glass in thought. He was thinking, scheming... but then again when was Thomas Shelby not scheming?

"Yes, not that it was personal I needed to win" henry spoke clearly not letting the severe glares f your other brothers shake him. He was impenetrable a solid rock- a mass of a man all firm and sharp angles determined and poised.

"Oh? And why is that then?" Tommy purred still keeping his cards close to his chest, no one knew what he really thought of you and henry or the relationship at that moment. But he was speaking, not shooting. And that was all that mattered.

"I needed the money to buy a house for your sister" Henry said plainly placing his hat on the table in front of him. It was a strange gesture but one you understood. He was making himself comfortable but also using it as a metaphor throwing his hat in the ring so to speak, showing your family he had no intentions on hightailing it out of there and leaving you in the dust.

"You did, did you?" Here was something, a twinkle in the cool blues. You tried to dig deeper but as soon as it was there it had vanished. For a second you dare say your brother was impressed with your choice in man.

"I wasn't coming to you without being able to offer your sister something... I wanted to prove I'm capable of providing her a future" Henry shrugged feeling Tommy with a stare. You shivered hearing the iron will, the absolute control Henry had over himself. John scoffed and leant over the table glaring at Henry dragging on his cigarette then spoke up trying to mimic Tommy's own indifferent threatening demeanour, but failed. There was only one Terrifying Tommy.

" and some tiny house on a backstreet in Birmingham is a future?" john scoffed laughing outloud trying to dampen Henry's resolve. But your man was ready and grinned smugly showing off the perfect teeth and stunning looks.

"Medium actually... not huge but its bigger then what she is used to, with front and back garden bought and paid for... Last week I even got her a kitten... Russian blue expensive but y/n wanted one and I wont deny her" he replied without missing a beat. Henry was proud of what he had achieved, and so he should be. The house he had managed to buy was a  nicely sized three bedroom home, and it was indeed larger then where you lived with your family at the moment. Well decorated and furnished with tasteful furniture most of which you picked out together.

"And what you think I'll give my blessing because you got her a bloody cat?" tommy drew the attention back to him. You swallowed dryly. Tommy sounded mad now. You moved shuffling in front of Henry trying to cover him more, yet your hand wandered behind your back and you clasped your lovers hand tightly hoping things wont go from bad to worse.

"No, you don't need to bless anything, I'm not here to ask. I'm telling you that we are together and serious...We've been a couple for almost three years... And its about time I informed you" your breath hitched as Henry's voice resounded in the room. Oh god that was too far! You paled and snapped your head to him on the brink of tears and pressed back into Henry trying to make him pull back, but no. The man was a brick wall- immovable and stubborn... yet cool and unfazed. But what struck you most was the shock on your brothers faces. No one had spoken to any of them like that for a very long time. And for good reason.

"There is a fine line between courage and stupidity Henry" Tommy said recovering from the shock quicker then the others. He didn't even see you now standing on shaking knees trying to shield henry as much as you could with your frame. But it was no use, Henry was to big, you were but a tiny waif of a woman in front of him. But Tommy bore his curious gaze into the huge man. It would appear your love now had his undivided attention.

"I know, but I'm on the right side of it. I love your sister. And I have loved her for three years, since the day I got off the boat" tommy tilted his head to the side surprized once more by your lover. You drew a slow breath in. You knew tommy respected those who fought for their country.

"You served?" came the question as tommy poured himself another glass and then lit up another cigarette. You saw a quick smile light up his face, but again it was gone before anyone could really notice. Henry heaved a deep breath and nodded, he was no fool. He took a chance and it had paid off, or it seemed to have paid off he wasn't staring down the barrel of a gun or had a peaky cap flung at his face.

"Yes, along side you in fact... I was smaller then... Easy to miss. Your sister showed kindness to me when I had no one and nothing. She gave me hope, hope for the possibility of family and a normal life. She managed to ease my terrors and pull me from the memories of the war. And for that I will give her everything" henry spoke, you noticed your brothers each shrunk. They understood, the war left scars on the mind and it was true even henry had suffered, but you were able to sooth him and bring him back from the worst night terrors. Tommy grunted and flicked his gaze from you to your man then back again. There was a warmer hint to the blues, dare you say an acceptance. But even you knew he was still going to pull something out of the bag and throw a curveball at your love. Tommy still needed to test Henry, but atleast you could say so far so good.

"And taken something I assume?" Polly hissed looking away as your brother spoke. You rolled your eyes, did he seriously want to know if you'd fucked? Tommy held Henry captive in his gaze he knew the answer but for some reason he wanted the hear it out loud. You couldn't help this was Tommy's test, he was daring your lover to lie to him. You prayed Henry wasn't that stupid. To your reliefe he proved he wasn't as he replied sincerely.

"I shared something freely given I assure you there was no pressure" the statement wasn't smug, henry didn't make you sound like an achievement, something to conquer. And he made it clear that he hadn't pressed you into anything. It earned him a nod from all three men, you smiled they were coming around to Henry. Thank fuck!

"And you come here and say that to my face? Tell me you've broken in my sister? You certainly have balls" your smile dropped and you shifted on your feet. What just happened? Things were going great, and now they weren't? Luckily Henry was more prepared for this then you and he answered smoothly not fazed by the way things had turned so quickly.

"Yes I'm not going to stand here and lie about our relationship I love her. And I'll not hide it a second more. I will protect her and cherish her she has my upmost respect"

"So you say you respect her? Yet... She's carrying you jacket around like some maid?" tommy tried twisting things pokeing at Henry trying to get a rise out of him. Probably so he had a reason to chase him off. But you wanst having it.

"Tommy, I'm holding it so he cannot run! Stop being an ass" you growled releasing Henry's hand and moved forward seething at your brother who lounged back regarding you carefully.

"That's enough mouth from you y/n you've done enough becoming a fucking little whore when our back is turned?" you paused takeing half a step back as tommy's furious gaze landed on you. You quivered feeling hurt, flushing in anger and embarrassment. Not once had he spoke to you like that, you were always praised by your brother, protected and loved to hear him growl at you so cruely was heart breaking.

"I'd ask you don't speak to her like that-" Henry spoke up growing angry himself with the way Tommy had spoke to you. But henry was ignored as Tommy began to lay into you hissing venomously belittling you in front of your family and lover.

"Tell me sister is this some last mineut attempt to cover up a bastard? If so is it even his? For all we know you could be bed hopping all over the heath" you whined at the assault mouth hanging open trying to form words but it was hard. Your eyes welled with tears. Call you a cry baby but you loved your brothers and tried to do them proud to have one of them be so nasty cut you deep.

"No!- Tommy of course not-"

"So your just becoming the heaths bike then? To think after everything you'd sink so low to ruin yourself- Ava was one thing she's always ran around behind our backs but you? I really expected better then to become a two bit whore" his words were like razors ice picks hitting your chest, he always knew how to slice deep. It came with being a blinder- but you never thought you'd be on the receiving end. You moved back another step bumping into Henry, you wanted to run and hide. For the first time in your life you were scared, you didn't want to feel your brothers fury.

"Do not speak to her like that in my presence ever again" Henry snarled brushing past you hiding your quivering from behind him. He was livid and for a second you thought he was going to swing for your brother.

"She's my sister-" Tommy started looking back at henry who had taken the bait hook line and sinker. But was cut off by henry stepping forward leaning over crowding Tommy thumping the table with more force then necessary. Everything jumped, the glasses ashtray even the bottle leapt from the table. You jerked gasping as the bang echoed  in the room.

"I don't give a fuck. You wont ever talk to her that again. She is mine and brother or not you will treat her with respect or you will pay for it!" everything stopped. No one moved. No one breathed. It wasn't everyday someone threatened A Shelby, least of all Tommy. Henry growled at your blue eyed brother. Tommy tilted his head taking him in.

"H-henry?" you whispered moving forward pressing a hand to the small buckle as the back of his vest tugging him back, making him stand at his full Hight just in time as John shot up from his seat ready to lunge.

"Oi! Don't you talk to him like that I'll have your fucking eyes!" he roared jumping up turning on your lover but Tommy stopped him fisting a hand in his jacket and tugging him to sit back down... He was grinning?

"Tommy?" Arthur asked not following, but then again he always was a few steps behind everyone. You frowned blinking back tears and gasped. That bastard! It was a trick! You slumped  and wrapped yourself around henry before anyone could realise what happened. Henry curled himself around you frowning confused and you tucked yourself into him.

"Any man who a the balls to defend her against me...Will protect her from anyone..." Tommy spoke and tipped his head to the seat across from him offering Henry a seat at the table. You both sat quickly beside one another Polly moved pouring you both a drink, you looked like you needed it.

"So? So you mean we can be together?" Henry asked trying to keep up with how he'd just gone from having a target on his back to having a seat with the family. Tommy smiled nodding whilst bringing his own drink to his lips sipping the amber liquid then spoke.

"Mmm But you've broken her... You'll repay me for ruining her by making her an honest woman"

"The rings in my pocket" Henry said rubbing your back as you shook next to him, the adrenaline and worry now rushing through you. All these years of anxiety washing away with sweet tears of reliefe. Henry tucked you under his arm and held you close on the bench seat hushing you as you crumbled. You didn't really register what was said instead pressed your self into him hands tugging his clothes trying to calm down.

"Then do it- but you ever turn your fists on her I'll kill you" Tommy threatened holding out his cigarette tin offering one to henry, he took it thanking him then popped it between his lips and lit the white stick. His hand only quivered slightly, the rush of what just happened hitting him.

"It will never happen, I couldn't live with myself if I ever made her feel less then perfect let alone harm her" he said squeezing you tighter to his side.

"Then we have a deal?" tommy smiled, a genuine smile as he spied the two of you. He had no doubt, if henry was willing to go toe to toe with him in his pub, in front of his family- probably the most dangerous thing you could do in the heath. Then henry will take care of you and protect you with his life. Plus Henry made you happy and that was all Tommy could ask for, your safety and happiness. Contrary to what people thought he had no issues with anyone dating his sisters. He just didn't want his girls to have weak simpering husbands to protect them should the worst ever happen... And Henry knew how to shoot a gun from his time in the forces, so when handed a weapon Tommy wont have to worry about having a newbie protecting his baby sister. And Henry will be given a gun to protect you with.

"That we do" Henry grinned shaking Tommy's hand and quickly snagged your own placing a thin gold band on your left ring finger before you could even muster a single sound. You blinked wiping your eyes pawing at the salty droplets and gasped seeing the band on your finger, a small diamond in the centre or the dainty ring.

"W-what your not e-ven gonna ask me Henry?" You stuttered at him hiccupping and sniffling trying not to have a full blown breakdown and cry from both relief and happiness. Henry laughed pressing a cheeky kiss to your cheek making you flush and tuck your head back into his chest trying to hide from the onlookers.

"Now why would I give you the chance to say no? Hmm? I may be a tad slow sometimes but I'm not a complete idiot" he purred finishing with a small chuckle, that the others echoed everyone had calmed down accepting the news. You whined at him and slapped his chest lightly pouting as henry laughed.

"Besides your brother and I made a deal" he added as you pulled back eyeing your new ring with a weak smile managing to control yourself bar a few sniffling gasps and the odd rogue tear.

"Oh s-o I'm b-business?~" you tried to tease him but the words lost their bite as you were still tearful from your crying. You were weepy you couldn't help it, today had been stressful- hell this past week had been stressful!

"Business? No... Your my world love" he cooed not caring in the slightest at how soppy he sounded. He wasn't here to put on a show for your brothers. He was here for you.

"I love you" you said peeking up at him with a shy smile.

"Good to know~" he hummed winking at you taking another drag of the cigarette, but you pouted sticking out your bottom lip like you did each time he teased you.

"Yes, yes I love you too" he caved pressing a chaste kiss to your lips drawing a growl from your eldest brother, but nothing was thrown so you summarized you were safe.

"Congratulations Henry I told you they weren't that bad" Polly spoke up quickly ending your sweet kiss before anything could go south.

"Yes Ms Polly you were right, we should have listened to you" henry admitted rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly

"Wait pol you knew?" tommy growled snapping to his aunt but the older woman rolled her eyes. Honestly you think he'd learn by now. No one pulled the wool over Polly's eyes.

"Who to you think has helped keep her from having a kid for three years Tommy! At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about anymore thank god!" she huffed pretending to be annoyed but you knew she was happy for you. She had been routing for henry, and trying to get you to tell the boys for a long time. You were just scared.

"Polly! Stop it" you squeaked flushing, no one needed to know  just what Polly had been helping you with! Least of all your fucking siblings!

"What its true? Now your free to pop them out without any uncomfortable questions from this lot, and i have no doubt it will be soon" she teased with a smirk enjoying tormenting you, she had bit her tongue for too long it was about time she got to poke fun at you. You were such a shy innocent little thing.

"Oh my god stop" you moaned ducking down as everyone chuckled at your expense. Henry then made it worse by ducking down beside you and whispered in your ear.

"...She does have a point love" then nipped at it quickly before turning back to your brothers as your face flamed.

It hadn't been the easiest of days, but in the end all the worry and anxiety had paid off not only had you managed to reveal your relationship to your family with no casualties. But you also became engaged to the man of your dreams. Tommy seemed relived, he was happy for you in his own over protective brotherly way. The freedom that came with todays outcome was worth it and now you and henry were free to start your lives together. Truly start with a marriage kids the whole nine yards! And you'd never been happier.

[topsytervy]

Late Night Walks ~ Drew Starkey

Synopsis: There's always a cute guy out on the balcony when you go out to walk your dog and he does it to make sure you get home okay

Word Count: 1,415

Warnings: little bit of smoking cigarettes, swearing (I think there's only one cuss word though), a creepy guy, spelling/grammar mistakes, i think thats it.

*y/d/n = your dogs name*

A/N: hi, im back. I've been working like 30 hours a week and have had zero time to write and when I do, I freeze up and overthink. So this is like half-written on my lunch break. Anyway, hope you like it.

~~~~~~~~

It’s not like Drew was intentionally watching you. It just so happened that every time he went out on his balcony to read or just decompress, you were walking your dog. However, you only really walked your dog at night and that made him slightly anxious.

So maybe he was intentionally watching you just to make sure you left and got back to the apartment complex safely.

You, on the other hand, weren’t necessarily concerned. You had a decent-sized dog named y/d/n who was ready to protect you whenever you gave it the command and you’ve been walking the same route for a year and a half and everyone on that route recognized you and was sure to come out if you yelled for help.

And then he was outside your complex one day when you took your dog out.

You didn’t know who the man was but he knew who you were. He was older than you, not by a couple of months or years but by a good two decades and he gave off a weird vibe.

“Yeah. You’re always walking this little cutie.” He gestured to your dog.

You thanked him on your dog’s behalf and waited a beat to see if he would move on but he didn’t, continuing to say how liked this color on you more than the one you wore a week ago and how he was concerned when he didn’t see you for the past few days but remembered seeing you walk into this complex once while he was driving past.

You explained how you were just sick and you looked up, hoping that the dude who was always outside when you were was there. And sure enough, he was leaning against his balcony railing, smoking a cigarette.

Drew's eyes met yours and he noticed the somewhat scared look on your face, causing him to put out his cigarette and walk inside.

The blue-eyed man walked out the front door of the building as the man reached out and went to touch your arm, causing you to back up.

“Ah, come on. We’re not strangers. We could do dinner at mine or yours.”

You opened your mouth to speak but Drew answered before you could. “I don’t think she’s interested sir. Why don’t you move along?”

You looked over your shoulder to see Drew walking up and stopping next to you, his eyes settled on the man.

“I’m sorry. Do I know you?” The man asked.

“No.”

“Then why are you here?”

Drew pointed up towards his balcony. “Cause from where I was standing up there, she,” he moved his finger to point at you, “was looking uncomfortable and I,” he moved his finger to point at himself now, “decided to come down and check.”

“Well, we’re fine so you can go back to whatever you were doing.” The man narrowed his eyes at Drew.

Drew turned to look at you. “Are you okay?”

“She’s f-”

“I didn’t ask you, sir.” Drew cut him off sharply with his words and a glare before looking back at you, softening his gaze. “Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?” You shook your head and Drew turned back to the older guy. “You need to leave before I decide to call the cops.”

The man stayed for a few seconds before Drew reached into his pocket, causing the guy to hold up his hands and back up. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving.”

Drew watched the man hop in his car and pull away before he turned to you, your hands shaking as y/d/n looked at you with concern.

“Hey, okay. You’re okay. Let’s just sit down for a minute.” He gently lead you to the steps, sitting you down as your dog licked your hands.

“I-I don’t think I can walk that route again. He sees me walk that route all the time. He lives somewhere along that route.” You panicked, your hands going to your temples before your eyes widened and you looked at Drew. “Oh my god. He knows the building I live in. What happens if he decides to come in and try to figure out what apartment I’m in.”

Drew held up his hands. “Whoa, slow down. I promise that there is no way that man is getting in here or coming near here again. I’ll sit out there the entire damn night if I have to.” Drew pointed up to his balcony once again. “And, if you want, I could...join you on your walks.” He dragged out the last sentence, thinking how weird that is to offer someone he hasn’t talked to before tonight.

You looked at the blue-eyed man. “Are you sure?”

Drew shrugged. “Why not? It’ll be refreshing.”

You nodded before offering him your now slightly shaking hand. “I’m Y/n.”

He smiled before taking your hand in his. “Drew. It’s lovely to meet you.”

And that’s how it started.

That first night he joined you and your dog on a walk, you got to know each other. What you two did for a living, how old you two were, where you grew up, etc.

It was a nice change of pace for you to have someone to talk with as you walked and it was a nice change of pace for Drew to be doing something instead of just sitting on his balcony and wait for you to get home.

He walked you back to your apartment and wished you goodnight before heading back to his two floors up.

From that night on, you two went on your walks at 7:30 because, to you, it felt more relaxing and got you and y/d/n tired out for bed.

It was maybe three months in when you laughed at the memory of seeing Drew just sitting on the balcony when you left and came home.

"What's so funny?" He asked, taking the cigarette out of his mouth as he grinned at you.

"I'm not going to lie, I thought you were kind of a weirdo beforehand." You admitted, blushing slightly.

"Oh? Do tell." He raised an eyebrow.

"Well. Imagine being me, a young girl, walking her dog at night and constantly seeing someone from her building waiting on their balcony each and every night and watching her leave and come back."

Drew nodded as he took a quick drag from his cigarette before exhaling. "I agree but I will have you know the first couple of times that happened was by accident and then it just became a habit. I wasn’t doing it to be a weirdo. I was doing it because a part of me kicked in that just told me to make sure you get home. I've got sisters and I couldn't even imagine what I'd do if something happened to them." He glanced at you and shrugged before smiling. "There are only two people who can pick on my sisters and that’s me and my brother, ya know. Like, yeah, I'll tease them about someone they like or take the last slice of pizza cause they wanted it but I'm not going to let someone be a creep to them."

You laughed, resting your head against Drew’s arm. "A true gentleman."

"I try." He grinned as the two of you rounded the block.

"Seriously though, I always enjoyed these walks and I find even more joy in them walking with someone else."

Drew threw his arm around your shoulder. "I enjoy them too. My favorite part of the day is hanging out with you two."

"Too bad it's nighttime." You smirked.

"Okay, smartass." He rolled his eyes as you approached the front of the complex.

He grabbed the door and held it open for you, you and y/d/n walking in as you thanked him before he walked in behind you guys. He walked you back to your apartment and watched as you pulled your keys from your pocket, putting them into the lock and turning them before you turned to face Drew.

"Do you want to come in? Have a beer and some leftover stirfry while we watch a movie? If you can cause you've got an early morning tomorrow that's totally okay, I jus-"

Drew cut off your little ramble. "I'd love to." He smiled.

You grinned back at him before opening your door and letting him inside along with y/d/n, closing the door behind you three.

~~~~~~

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[versatilewindow]

A Night in ‘Las Vegas’ (its actually Daphne’s mansion)

Find it on Ao3!

Summary:Party at Daphne's, Velma experiences requited gay panic. Written for @scrubyjay<3

A/N: if u asked me a week ago what id be writing, scooby doo lesbian fanfic definitely wouldn't have been anywhere near my mind. im kinda surprised i even had this much to say about them.

In the past few years, the Mystery Gang had made a habit of meeting up before a new semester of college started to relax and hang out before their studies took over their lives. Daphne was hosting at her childhood home (as she called it, though most would consider the estate a real true mansion) as usual, (Her parents were off on their yearly honeymoon or what Daphne would call their regularly scheduled time for absolute debauchery among other acts that are certainly in a legal grey area.) and she had full reign of the staff and tonight's event. This semester’s theme was “A Night in Las Vegas”, meaning the gang would be dressed in their best cocktail outfits, and that there were actual slot machines and gambling tables, complete with dealers using rigged card decks to make sure no one would threaten the casino’s nightly earnings, not that they were actually gambling it’s all for realism.

This was the week before most the gang’s final semester, most as in Shaggy decided that he’d rather learn some cooking skills on the job rather than some pompous 75 year old teacher at the nearest cooking school, not realizing he would instead have to deal with an egotistical 40 year old going through what was surely the world’s worst case of mid-life crisis. The rest of the gang was spread around the country, Fred was at the local state college on a football scholarship, studying business and was the VP of the school’s biggest fraternity. Daphne was studying investigative journalism at Colombia, if asked she went to school in New York, and she was in fact related to the Blakes financially backing the new Blake scholarship for students studying journalism. Velma was at Stanford double majoring in Criminal Psychology and Forensic Science, and was set to continue her studies in a Phd program at Harvard. 

Out of all the gang, Velma was the most excited for the night, she rarely got to see the others because of the physical distance between them. She walked up the marble steps outside the front doors of the Blake estate, duffel bag in tow, (they always ended up absolutely sloshed at the end of these dinners, opting to stay in one of the many guest rooms with plush king sized beds rather than waiting for a taxi) and pressed the buzzer which linked to a pager on the butler’s uniform. It was only a few moments before Jenkins opened the heavy oak doors.

“Ah, Miss Dinkley, glad to see you’ve made it here safely, would you like someone to take your bag to your room?”

“No, thank you Jenkins, Daphne wanted to get ready together and I have some things I’ll need in the bag. Is she in her room?”

“Yes, allow me to escort you there.” With that Jenkins turned into the Foyer, walking under the first of many grand chandeliers, and up the grand blush pink marble stairs towards Daphne’s suite. Before she knew it they were in front of the door to the bedroom.

Jenkins knocked on the pale door, “Miss Blake, Miss Dinkley has arrived.”

“Oh Yes! Send her in please! The door’s unlocked!” A light rustling was heard behind the door as Jenkins opened the door for Velma, revealing Daphne moving towards her vanity in a silk lavender robe that ended mid thigh. “Velma! I’m so happy you could come early!” The taller woman changed her course towards the shorter one, who seemed almost frozen in the doorway. “Come on in! Thank you Jenkins, let me know when the boys have arrived.” Jenkins responded with a light bow before swiftly turning away, no doubt to continue the prep for tonight's event. 

Velma walked in the room, closing the door behind her, and setting her bag down on the loveseat in front of the room’s TV. “I’m glad I could make it too, I wasn’t sure if I would’ve been able to trade shifts with someone at the bookstore, but Sarah S., remember her from high school? She was trying to avoid a family event that was going on earlier today, her aunts are always setting her up on dates and she didn’t want to deal with that again. So it all worked out!” 

Daphne smiled at Velma, “Oh Sarah’s wonderful, I almost forgot she worked at the bookstore too during the breaks. There’s a robe for you in the bathroom to change into before we do our manicures.” Velma turned into the attached bathroom, quickly changing into the orange silk robe she usually used while at Daphne’s, the light geometric patterns reminding her of all the sleepovers the two shared in high school. Stepping out of the bathroom, Velma saw that Daphne had already set up the station to paint their nails. “So what’s tonight’s color scheme for you? I’m going with glittery hot pink.” Daphne had started with the base coat already.

“I brought an orange leather skirt, and I was thinking of a black top, but the options I brought don’t really fit with the cocktail dress code for tonight.” Velma sat down across from her friend in a dark luxurious chair, fiddling with the collection of polishes in front of her. 

Daphne grabbed a mid-tone orange from the selection, “Don’t worry about your top, you know I have a lot to choose from.” The smile on her face was audible, and she continued, “If it’s the leather skirt I’m thinking of, it would pair great with this sheer, flowy turtleneck I have.” Daphne’s delicate hands grabbed Velma’s, and with skillful light touches started applying the polish. The two took turns with the materials, falling into a comfortable silence finishing the task quickly.

“It’s make-up and hair next, right? I have some things in my bag.” Deeming her nails dry enough, Velma stood and made her way over to the aforementioned bag, pulling out a travel toiletries bag that had her small selection of make-up. It’s not that she was against make-up in any way, it was really more for special events than the day to day, also her college-student budget meant some luxuries were limited, and make-up was on that list. Adjusting her glasses, Velma turned to where Daphne was standing next to the vanity chair, she had a slight pout on her face, the one she used to get what she wanted from anyone.

“Can I please do your make-up? You know I love to do it and you love the outcome every time.” The pout stayed on her face.

“I suppose I could let you do my makeup Daph, seeing as you’re asking so kindly.” Daphne let out a light giggle at the fake sass in Velma's statement. (They both knew that Velma would never say no to Daphne, with or without the pout, not that Velma would ever admit it.) Velma sat down, leaning against the back of the chair, removing her glasses and setting them down on the vanity to allow Daphne full vision of her canvas.

Feathery touches moved across Velma’s face, applying the primer on to soft moisturized skin. “Are you wearing contacts tonight?”

“I brought them, but I’m not sure I’ll remember to take them off before sleeping tonight.”

Daphne continued with the base make-up. “Don’t wear them, you look cute with your glasses.”

A light blush covered the tips of Velma’s cheeks and nose, it certainly wasn’t her first time hearing that phrase, but something about hearing it from Daph’s rosy lips made it different. 

Working swiftly, Daphne made her way to the eyes, she grabbed Velma’s eyeliner, leaning in close to work on the wing. The controlled, concentrated breaths tickled the lightly covered freckles on Velma’s face, the flush from before continuing on strong through the powder pink blush Daphne already placed on the high point’s of her cheek bones. Daphne leaned away from her to examine the work done, hands lingering behind on Velma’s face, a satisfied smile appearing when she decided the two sides were even. “We’ll do lips after we change, you good on your own for hair?” Velma nodded while putting her frames back on to inspect the work Daphne had done on her face. It was simple, what she liked best, but it was better than anything Velma could do on her own. Daphne had perfected her technique in blending and choosing colors, if she didn’t know the other for years, Velma would’ve expected Daphne to enroll in a fashion and design school. 

The two made quick work of the rest of their prep work, gossiping about the town’s latest scandals. (The Adam’s were being investigated for tax fraud, and the Miller’s were going through a particularly nasty divorce.) Velma straightened out her hair, smoothing it from the usual halo of frizz, stealing glances at Daphne while she did her own make-up and hair. Their gazes met each other once, staring deep into the other’s dark eyes for a beat before looking away as though nothing happened. 

The evening drew to a close, night just beginning to settle in, the others would be here soon. Their attention was now drawn to the expansive walk-in closet in the room. Daphne pulled out the sheer turtleneck mentioned before for Velma, it had shiny glittery threads spread throughout, perfect for tonight’s event, and a hot pink sequined mini dress. They both changed in front of each other, as they had many times before, but something in the air was different, there was an unspoken tension between the two of them growing from the lingering touches and frequent glances from earlier. Velma looked up from her skirt’s zipper to see Daphne’s bare back in front of her, dress unzipped. She said a light ‘I got it’ before pulling the hidden zipper up the pale back, the dress tightly hugging the curve of the toned body before her. 

The tension dissipated as they walked over to the rack of shoes covering a wall of the closet, Daphne thinking out loud, wondering if she should go with boots or a strappy pump. She grabbed a chunky platform heel for Velma, one she often borrowed, before deciding on black suede thigh high boots. Daphne’s pink phone pinged, a text from the boys, they were five minutes away. As she pulled the boots over her long legs, Daphne saw Velma staring at her thighs, pinked nose, where skin met suede, and blushed herself, not mentioning that she’d caught the other. 

Shrugging this off, Daphne stood and walked out of the closet, to the door of her room, waiting for Velma. As the shorter walked to the doorway, fingertips touched the small of her back guiding her through. The two walked to the main room on the ground floor where it had been transformed to feel like a real casino, the lights were dimmed, 5 slot machines took up a wall, a dealer’s table next to the grand fireplace, tall, small tables with tea lights and stools took up the center floor, and two servants stood at the edge, one with a tray of hors d'oeuvres and the other a tray of champagne. Meeting the ladies at the bottom were their friends, and Jenkin’s informing them that dinner would be served within the hour. The boys cleaned up well, Shaggy’s usual mop of hair gelled back, with burgundy suspenders against a white button up holding up light green slacks. Fred opted for a more classic black and white suit, with a sapphire blue tie to add his own flair. Even Scooby looked prepped for a red carpet, his nails cut, a light almond scent from soap rather than his usual distinct dog smell. 

The forty or so minutes before dinner was served went smoothly, Shaggy, Scooby, and Daphne spent their time catching up at the slot machine; Fred and Velma playing black jack while laughing about funny stories from the past semester. The waiters did their jobs, handing out each person’s favorite snack before the meal, or snacks in Shaggy and Scoob’s case, leaving no glass unfilled, although they insisted they all have at least a glass of plain water for every couple of refills. 

Once it was time for the meal, the servants put their trays down to push the tables together, so the group could enjoy the dishes together. Daphne pulled her stool next to Velma’s brushing her hand against the smooth skin of the other’s thigh, and noticed how the seated girl’s relaxed, slightly tipsy posture tensed at the quick touch. The dinner continued with similar interactions, a tap of one’s foot against the other, a brush of knees under the table, dabbing away sauce at the edge of the other’s lips. If the boys had noticed these seemingly innocent interactions, they either didn’t care about the clear subtext, or were too drunk to even notice the tension growing with each lingering touch.

After they had finished eating, the ladies continued with their behavior at the table even though the others moved to the dealer’s table for poker. With a well placed hand on the other girl’s thigh, Velma took things a step further and gave a light squeeze, causing Daphne to get out her stool, pulling the other by the wrist to the nearest bathroom, offhandedly mentioning their destination to the hired boy bringing out chicken nuggets for Shaggy. 

In the bathroom, Velma locked the door behind them as the taller girl pulled her onto the granite countertop in a rushed passionate kiss. Contrary to popular belief, Velma was no stranger to Saturday night party bathroom hook-ups, but she was in her childhood best friend’s home having a bathroom hook-up, with her childhood best friend no less. The flutter in her stomach that was growing during dinner, turned into heat and a blazing fire at her core as Daphne’s supple pink lips trailed down the side of the other neck, lightly biting where the top of the turtleneck ended. A quick hand undid the button at the top of the sheer shirt, allowing Daphne more places to nip and kiss. Velma’s hands pulled the other closer as a soft moan left her lips, making Daphne continue the attack at her neck with more vigor. With a light squeeze on her butt, the orange haired girl looked up from the other’s neck with half lidded eyes before asking, “do you,” a kiss on the cheek, “want to take this” a kiss on the other, “to my room?” a kiss on the nose, “I have some things there that could make this even better” a kiss on the lips. At this, Velma hopped off the counter, straightening out her disheveled clothes as best she could before unlocking the door and rushing towards the stairs, Daphne close behind with a large grin on her face. The only thing that pulled them away from their mission of making it to the room was a quick stop telling the boys they were turning in for the night.

The next morning, Daphne figured it was a good thing her parents insisted the boy’s sleep on the other side of the house.

Bonus: after the ladies mentioned they were off to bed

Shaggy turned to Fred, he was drunk, but sober enough to notice the smeared lipstick on Daphne, or the trail of lip marks down Velma’s neck. "You're gonna have to pay up man, did you see them?"

Fred slumped down onto the table and mumbled, "Why couldn't they stick it out a few more months till after graduation, I'll have your money on Monday."

A/N: uhhhh, velma got RAILED, lets leave that as the description for the smut. I would also like to get dommed by Daphne Blake. Lmk if u liked it!

[naveenscrackwhore]

Crumbling Down

Summary: All around the hospital rumors are being spread of how an Attending and Resident are in a relationship. Those rumors happen to be about Ethan Ramsey and Cecily Aldaine. What does this mean for the two of them? What will happen to them? 

word count: 2014

A/N: hi! im sorta new to writing but ive been inspired by so many amazing writers to write this. i hope you all enjoy this! it took me a bit to get the confidence to post but should i make this a series? tell me in the comments below :)

Cecily blankly stared at her trembling hands, attempting to concentrate on Ethan’s voice. She could barely hear him though, no matter how hard she tried to focus. Soon, all she could hear was her own blood chaotically rushing all throughout her body and the sharp throbbing pain of her head. Her eyes became cloudy and her vision foggy. She felt her lips tremble along with her short legs. She became weaker and weaker by the moment, any moment now her legs will give up and she’d collapse to the floor with a thud. Cecily continued to breathe in and out. Shutting her eyes close, she counted with the beating of her heart. She sucked in a deep breath and exhaled out. One. She repeated it, her hands slowly started to shake less. Two. Again, she sucked in another breath and held it for a few moments before forcing it all out and quickly opened her eyes. Three. Cecily was finally back in reality. 

She snapped her gaze back at Ethan, his tan, veiny hands grasped onto his brunette and faint grey streaked hair, his grip hard enough to rip out chunks of it. A nervous and frustrated habit of his. She observed the way his brows furrowed and two straight lines formed on top of it. His sky blue eyes shut tightly as he spoke frantically. Cecily could also notice the slight wrinkles forming at the corners. Her eyes followed his long leg when he continued to pace around the room, another nervous habit of his. Words were rushing out of his mouth and his voice was growing louder and louder,- a part of her was pretty sure, the whole hospital heard them. He opened his light blue eyes and their eyes met. His eyes boring into her deep green ones. It felt as if he was staring right through her skull, invading her privacy and seeing all of her secrets. Sometimes, she thought of him as a parasite or a disease manifesting through her. But that's not very romantic.

She felt something boil and rise in her. Cecily was always a friendly, nice person and she rarely was confrontational. Sure, she might be outgoing and ‘outrageously,’ enthusiastic and energetic most of the time. The woman always tried her best to never confront anyone unless she was extremely angry at them for a valid reason. She always hated arguments but she’s recently found herself to be in a lot more since she started her career at Edenbrook. Breaking out of her thoughts and her murderous glares, she stomped towards him and halted right in front of Ethan. 

“Ethan, I don’t care about my career as much as I care about you!” Cecily passionately argued back at him, her fight or flight mode switching on. She was now close to him, her fingers aggressively poked at his chest as she looked up at him. “You never ask me what I want! This is exactly what happened last year in Miami! You always tell me how I should feel and ignore my feelings! You’re literally impossible!” 

She huffed at her swooped bangs and stared him down. Raking her hand through her long blonde locks, she gave in. With a long sigh, Cecily's body lightly pressed against his as she  cupped one side of his face with her hand while the other tucked the loose curl behind his ear. “I- I care about you Ethan more than you can ever imagine. I don’t care where I am at in five years if you’re not there with me.” 

Ethan’s hands settled on the curve of her small back, supporting her from falling. They stared into each other's eye longingly as Ethan took a few moments to process what she said. He hesitantly leaned down as she stepped on her tippy toes, her freckled nose bumping with his.. Neither broke eye contact as their lips ever-so slightly brushed against each other. But before Cecily could even press her lips harder against his, Ethan pulled away and turned so she couldn’t see him drag his hand up his face.

“Ethan?” Cecily stepped closer to him, her hand gently touching his shoulder.” Are you oka-.” 

The moment didn’t last long as Ethan whipped himself to face her, lightly smacking her hand away from him. She stared at him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes slightly more big. He drew in a breath as he growled, “Dr. Aldaine, I care about my career much more than I’ll ever care about you.”

Cecily paled, she didn’t move, she almost was frozen. She felt her mouth become and her hands became unsteady again. Her sea green eyes moved away from him as she glanced at his desk. Her heart dropped low to her stomach and it felt like she couldn’t breathe, again. She rested her hands on her neck as she anxiously rubbed it. Tears were threatening to spill but she resisted the sensation that eventually would take over. After what felt like an eternity, she tumbled through her words, “Oh, um.. Sick. Right, okay.”

“I’ll be on my way, I have to get some scans for my patient. Goodbye, Doctor. Ramsey.” She cleared her throat and made finger guns towards the door. She quickly darted out of his office and away from his sight. Her throat soon closed again andher walls crumbled down. 

Cecily quickly turned the knob of the supply closet and collapsed. Her hands gripped onto the cracked walls and her nails scraped some of the paint off of it as she glanced up at the ceiling. Trying to keep the tears a float, she refused to cry,- at least not over him. She was breathing ragged, her arms moved to her chest and she clutched tightly on herself, attempting to hug herself. 

‘It hurts so much.’ she thought, ‘why does it hurt so-.’

The door swung open and Bryce stood in front of it concerned. His brown eyes scanned her, trying to comprehend why she was on the edge of a mental breakdown. He stood still for a while, not completely sure of what to do with Cecily. Bryce couldn’t recall if he ever saw her cry this much. The moment, they made eye contact. She rubbed her nose with the sleeve of her lab coat and sniffled.

“Bryce, don’t just stand there! Get in or get out!” she cried, throwing an ivy bag at him. 

Bryce gave her a sad smile, remembering their first day at Edenbrook. She said that exact same thing to him as she did a year ago. He silently closed the door with a click as he slowly walked towards her, sliding down the wall. His long, toned arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. He rested his chin on Cecily’s head, keeping her close and tight. He rubbed soothing, circular motions around her back, whispering reassuring words in her ear. 

After a few minutes of her hyperventilating, she was finally stable and not crying. All he could hear was small sniffles and breathing steading. His arms still had her in a cocoon, protecting her with all he had. Bryce hated to see Cecily cry. They’ve been best friends since last year and were completely inseparable. They relied on one another, a lot. And when one was upset or in pain the other was there for them. He always joked that the best should always stick together but he really meant it, in some egotistical, cocky way. Bryce swears on his looks that he’d always be there for her, no matter what. 

Bryce’s fingers nimbly turned her head to face him, his thumb pressed softly against her chin. His eyes softened even more as he could see her nose was pinker than Azaleas. He comfortingly asked what happened to make her cry so much. 

Almost immediately, her chin started to wobble and her eyes began to water again. Cecily bit her lip, hard, trying to stop her cries but it failed, miserably. A metallic taste lingered on her tongue as she shoved her head into his chest. Through incoherent sobs, she cried, “I- I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

He massaged her shoulders and he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, “Okay, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” 

They stayed like that for a long time before Bryce finally stood up and offered her a hand. Cecily hesitantly took it, letting him pull her off her feet. A small giggle left her lips as she crashed into him. He laughed along with her, too. They quietly walked out of the supply closet, not bothered by the stares of their coworkers. At least, Bryce wasn’t. Cecily was though. She felt a burning sensation through her head, she knew whose eyes were on her and she felt dirty and ashamed. Cecily felt her cheeks flush a bright red as she attempted to concentrate on Bryce.

“Hey, at least, you don’t have make up on today.” he gave her a grin, “Right?” 

Cecily snorted dryly, “Yeah, I guess so.” She bit her lip, lightly before hugging him again. Resting, her head on his chest, her small arms wrapped around his torso. 

“You’re welcome, Barbie.” Bryce cockily mocked before winking at her, before strutting off to the surgical floor. 

“Whatever Ken!” she called out after him, walking towards the nurses station, picking up one of her patient’s charts and continuing the rest of her long shift. 

After the long hours of skillfully diagnosing and discharging patients,- and maybe avoiding a certain attending,- her day was finally over. Cecily could go home and sulk whilst eating a tub of strawberry ice cream or she can get drunk at Donahues. The ideas both seemed to fit well with her if she was being honest but she already made plans with the others for Donahues. She slipped on a pair of light blue sweats and a white crop. Staring at the mirror, she pulled her matching bandana and swiftly pulled her out of her face and poked at strands to frame her features. Cecily gnawed at her bottom lips as she remembered the occurring events with Ethan with a shake of her head and a sigh, she stumbled out of the changing room, shoving her professional clothes and heels in her locker. Frankly, she didn’t feel like bringing them home, she was just lazy. 

Sienna awaited near the entrance along with Jackie, Bryce and Elijah. All talking amongst themselves excitedly and were full of banter. Bryce and Jackie continued making witty comments at each other as Sienna and Elijah spoke of their interns, Sothy and Mitch. Cecily finally met up with them. She shared a bright, teasing smile and placed her small, pale hand on her hip. “Ready to start drinking lightweights or are you not up for it?” 

“That’s some big talk coming from a moppy drunk who can barely handle two shots of tequila,” Jackie quipped back at Cecily, her leathered arm swung over Cecily’s shoulder. Her big brown eyes sparked with a flare, the usual teasing flare, Jackie always had. She smirked, pridefully at her as Cecily shooed her away and elbows her side. 

“Leave her alone, Jackie,” Elijah grinned, “Cecily’s only 24, there’s a lot of time for her to become and train for drinking.” 

“I-,” Cecily groaned, she stared at the high ceiling, covering her face with her arms, “ Ugh! It was one time! And,- and I already had half a bottle of scotch! You can’t blame me!” 

The pair of residents strolled out of Edenbrook with lopsided grins. Screams of boisterous laughter and just yelling,- in general came from their direction. All of them butting heads and sizing the other one up. They staggered into each other, resulting in Bryce to fall flat on his behind which made Jackie make a remark and the others snickering. The five of them finally were there and were ready to venture into Donahues and forget anything that happened today with burning, refreshing liquid. 

hope you enjoyed! would anyone want me to make a taglist?

[sawyersscribbles]

Sky of Sinners Excerpt - Broken Glass

Hi everyone! I’m really sorry I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus on this blog, and especially on this project, as of late. To make up for it, here’s an excerpt where the Girl Gang(tm) bonds after they find an abandoned house to camp out in overnight and Reagan triggers a... trap. I’m going to be clearing out this tag list soon, so let me know if I can put you on or off!

~

Almost humorously, Reagan tripped over a thin wire at that second, causing the others to freeze in horror as they watched the chain reaction. The wire was connected to a series of levers that let to a cabinet door closing, which caused a broom to fall forward and hit a vase, which tumbled over and hit a ball on the kitchen counter, which rolled along the table until it fell, pulling down a cup which held a string, which connected to a second string that hoisted up a cardboard box sitting on one of the rafters, which tipped over and poured its contents all over Ingrid, who was still standing warily for the most part in the doorway.

Which would have been funny. If the box didn’t hold about a pound of broken glass.

Ingrid screamed and immediately tried to cover her head and shoulders, but by then it was too late. Pieces as large as knife blades and as small as grains of sand lodged themselves into her hair and skin, burying themselves painfully into her shoulders, where they became tainted red with blood and caused crimson streams of various sizes to leak down Ingrid’s arms like tattoos.

It was clear she was trying to hide her pain as much as she could, but biting one’s lip fiercely and looking up to hide the tears could only do so much. With tears in her eyes, she resisted the impulse to look at the damage. A part of her didn’t want to look towards the ceiling, almost as if she was afraid something bad would happen to her if she made the mistake again.

Reagan leapt forward and took the lead as Finley and Anais stood back, clutching their chests in worry as they watched Ingrid’s whimpering continue as Reagan pulled the pieces from her skin.

“I want to get out of here!” Finley declared. “There are plenty of other safe houses, and we just happened to stumble upon one that’s booby trapped, probably by a crazy person who wanted to defend the house from robbers. I mean, I know a lot of people did that after the Ganymedans came, but this is just a bit much. You know, the statistical odds of us walking into this house…”

Finley had this habit.

When she would nervous, she would walk around, but that wasn’t limited to only pacing in circles. She would make her way around entire floors, walk upstairs, even go outside and return minutes later, rambling on as if nothing was out of the ordinary and she hadn’t even noticed she’d gone outside at all.

“Finley, you gotta shut up for me, buddy, okay? You’re making Ingrid nervous.” Reagan whipped her head around and motioned fiercely at Ingrid with a bloody hand from pulling out pieces of glass, which only seemed to scare both Finley and Ingrid further. Reagan rolled her eyes and made clicking noises with her tongue.

“I’m gonna be fine, Finny.” Ingrid never called Finley, “Finny” unless it was for fun or it was without her thinking about it. The look of desperation in her eyes shifting to various objects around the room only concerned Reagan even more, but she knew what to do.

“Let’s just, let’s talk about something while we wait, okay? Get comfortable, everyone, pull up a chair, watch as Mama Ingrid gets comfortable, have some cream of corn, do your makeup…”

“Oh, may I?” Anais seemed to perk up at the invitation, already rummaging through her bag of what was supposed to be essentials and pulled out a tube of red lipstick and some eyeshadow and laid them on her lap. She shrank at the look Reagan gave her over her shoulder, and Reagan kept the tension alive for a few seconds before saying, “Only if you do my face next.”

Anais, Finley, and, thankfully, Ingrid, all laughed in unison, and Reagan allowed herself to relax a bit.

“Alright, someone do something. Reagan! Tell us a story.” Ingrid said, trying her best to find Reagan’s eyes as she attentively pieced the pieces of glass from Ingrid’s arms. She flicked her eyes up for just a moment before looking back down at Ingrid’s shoulders.

“Who, me?” She looked back up at Ingrid again, who this time had a smile with a twinge of desperation, as if she was saying, “Please. Do this for me.” Reagan sighed and clicked her tongue a few times before nodding her head as she remembered something.

“Alright, I got one. How about the first time I ever saw one of those Ganymedans in real life?” She looked over confidently at Finley, who looked relieved but partially at ease and nodded once at her in acknowledgement. She wasn’t sure what exactly had changed about Finley, but Reagan was sure something was different.

It might have been in the way she nearly slouched in the chair she had dragged from the kitchen, one of her arms draped behind its back haphazardly. Or maybe it was the way Finley’s hair was utterly out of place, but she made no motion to fix it back into the perfect bun it was usually in. She couldn’t be sure. All she knew was that Finley understood something new now. Perhaps not fully, and maybe she never would, but somehow Reagan could feel that Finley was going to be alright.

“Then I’ll tell it,” Reagan said with light in her tone, which made Finley smile. “As some of you know, and by some of you I mean Iggy,” Reagan nodded in Ingrid’s direction who flourished with her arm and said, “‘Tis me!” as if Finley and Anais had never met her before.

“Yes, ‘tis you,” Reagan continued, a small smile playing at her own lips, “...I actually grew up in Colorado, and when everything hit all at once… that’s where I was. In my mom’s car, which I stole from the garage, smoking weed and listening to the soundtrack from Ocarina of Time.” Out of seemingly nowhere, Finley pulled out a canteen and wordlessly took a sip without taking her eyes off of Reagan. She had inched forward in her seats, chins tucked in her hands and eyes wide. Anais, meanwhile, sat back in her seat with her arms folded over her chest, her face a mixture between angry and upset as her eyes trailed over the pictures of the happy family whose home she had helped break into.

“You really want to hear this, huh?” Reagan chuckled nervously at Finley, who spun the chair around like one of those “cool” substitute teachers and laid her arms across the back.

“Yes,” was Finley’s simple response before she took another sip of what smelled like herbal tea.

“Alright… anyway, Colorado, Legend of Zelda, weed, we established that. I was on the road to see my brother, Drew. He went to college at University of Denver, so it was a hell of a drive...” Reagan allowed her voice to trail off slightly at the sight of Anais’s back pressed firmly against the back of the seat, her eyes everywhere other than Reagan. From where she was sitting, Reagan could hear her heavy breathing, like she was resisting something.

“He went to study film, Anais. He would love you.” Anais’s eyes flickered away from the pictures of the family on the tables to Reagan and back again a few times before she sighed and moved herself to face Reagan.

“Did you love him?” She asked softly, almost as if she couldn’t believe she was asking. Reagan slipped off her flannel and began to gently dab Ingrid’s wounds, who flinched but said nothing.

“Yeah. Still do.”

Anais bit her lip and played with the hem of your skirt.

“Were you angry at him when he left? Knowing now that you never got to see him again?” Finley froze for a second before placing her head in her hands and groaning as if from intense secondhand embarrassment.

“Anais, that’s not…” Ingrid started, but Reagan shook her head.

“No, no, it’s a question, and I’ll answer it. You’re right, I never saw him again. But he left to live his dream. He left to move on. And that’s the one thing I’ll always be able to understand.”

In that moment, with Reagan looking so deeply into Anais’s eyes that she felt she could never break the gaze, Anais saw something she didn’t see before. Reagan’s hard brown eyes were soft now, and her mouth was in its same cocky smirk, but there was a twinge of sadness behind it that Anais never thought Reagan would let her see. In that moment, Anais felt like she could see some part of Drew that lived inside Reagan, that would always live inside Reagan, and she thought of what her mother told her before they left for America all those years ago.

Every human being is like a sky of stars. We will never truly see the whole picture, but we can map more and more of the stars every day we make the effort to go outside at night and look up.

In the next, chaos.

~

Tag list: @23cws @smolgayteen @theforgottencoolkid @leicawri @omgbrekkerkaz @emweaver @bowtomypointlesswords @idreamonpaper @diwrites @maskedlady @a-deanskidgellwrites @thewritertiffany @starlitesymphony @erisunderthemoon @cynically-optomistic @allthepettyart @ill-write-when-im-dead @griffinoliverwrites @random-writings-fandom-writings @therandomwritings @ashes-to-sen @noloumna @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword @ofthevisitorsthefairest @codewritelove @mvcreates @merrow-writes @ofvisitorsthefairest

[dadmilkman]

i never really post on here personally because i migrated to twitter a few years ago and the appeal of tumblr left me shortly after but ive talked about this topic ive had on my mind on twitter a lot already and ive bugged my friends in their dm’s too much but i still need to get it off my chest so im gonna talk about it some more anyway

in november this past year i messaged an artist hosting a secret santa event pledging to participate, and the next day they sent me back saying, no, i cant participate, because my art looks “too traced”

i dont post my art on this blog much anymore since i started posting it on my sideblog but i do draw fairly often and for years, for YEARS, one of the things that has contributed to my horrible, horrible depression (besides like, everything else) is my very bad habit of comparing myself to literally everyone and everything else. its taken me a long time to start trying to break this habit and not feel bad about my own abilities or skills in comparison to other people, and to this day im still struggling with it. art has been a personal battle for me, as it is for anyone who creates things regardless of what it is, and ive given up, sometimes for months or years at a time, only to eventually come back and start drawing again and then hate how far behind i felt because of all the time i spent not improving any at all.

so fast forward from 2012 where i “seriously’ start drawing to the start of last year, after going through maybe 3 hiatuses where i didnt draw for over 6 months, to where i finally bought my own tablet (after borrowing off my girlfriend or just drawing with pencil) in april and started actually seriously drawing again, all summer and during school even i was just drawing out the ass, all the time, i was putting more shit down than i had for a long long time and it was bad but i was real proud of it because i was creating things! and thats what ive always wanted to do, is just put stuff out in the world. to make things with any sort of permanence. so all last year i was really pleased with my progress and i was even getting better at drawing faces and coloring so i was real pleased.

so i get into a few new hobbies during the year and start following a bunch of artists on tumblr, or blogs that promote other artists, because id gotten to enough of a point where seeing other people accomplished at art didnt make me feel quite so bad about myself as it used to - i was able to look at other peoples success with pride on their behalf and not anger or jealousy. and at this point id start liking a little bit of my own attention, so i make a separate art blog dedicated to my art and my characters. and theres this one artist i really admired. they draw nothing but their oc’s, which is also nothing but what i draw too, and they were popular and everyone liked their characters and they had lots of artists friends they could talk with and do trades with and it was and is everything i wanted to be. i wanted to be that sociable and liked and known, even if it was just among a small group of friends in a small part of a niche interest, i wanted to participate in something.

so i see this secret santa i really want to join, hosted by none other than this artist i look up to, quite a lot. id sent them a few anons before with various questions on things and felt comfortable enough to message them and ask about joining the secret santa. i was finally comfortable enough in my artistic abilities to want to join, too, which was huge for me. so i message them, and wait for them to message me back.

and they do , the next day, and its to immediately tell me that my art looks too traced and that i should “stay away” from their art trade. as any aspiring artist will tell you, tracing photos is good. it helps you get muscle memory and learn perspective, anatomy, blah blah. as long as you dont do anything with it or pass it off as your own.

but tracing photos or god forbid other  peoples art and then posting it online and saying “look at this thing i drew all by myself arent you proud!?” is entirely different, and obviously isnt something ive ever fucking done, but its what they wanted to accuse me of, saying i was being deceitful and that other people in the trade would be mad if they knew. so, no, ive never done that. i never said ive never traced photographs before, i do it all the time to practice poses and anatomy and then i send them to my friend and say “ha i drew my characters doing this thing” and like, thats the only light of day it sees.

but apparently this artist was and still is under the impression that everything ive ever drawn was traced, as if i never put any work into anything. i do. i dont even know how to express that statement enough. i do . i do put hard work into the stuff i make. i practice and i draw and i sketch and no, im not fucking great at art, but it makes me happy and i can draw my ocs and thats really all i want to be able to do, so when someone comes to me , someone i looked up to and admired , and accuses me of being a liar and a fake, it hurt.

and of course i tried to explain i dont trace my art? i used photo references, a lot. sometimes ill take a photograph of myself to use as a reference too. i have a bunch of pvc pipes in my room i use when i need a ref of someone holding a staff or sword so i can make the angles better. i have a reference blog i use heavily and most of the time the outfits i draw are from stuff i see models wearing and want to put my ocs in. but i dont trace it, and that accusation hurt. the only thing i ever “trace” when i draw figures is a stick figure on a pose, IF im having trouble, like this 

and then the rest of the drawing, the lines, the hair the clothes the face, whatever, i draw that free hand, its not like i sit there and trace a whole photo or drawing? and if i did im not gonna...post it online and pretend i did all this hard work? and this is all the same thing i said to this person, i admitted to doing this stick figure technique, and that i sometimes trace photographs but i use it as a mechanic to help me improve anatomy accuracy and not as a cop-out for doing my own work and ive never passed off someone else’s skills as my own like they were insinuating. i mean, is this tracing? ive seen self taught and professional artists (and artists/photographers like senshistock, where i get a lot of refs) use this or a similar stick man figure approach when trying to draw people. i never thought i was doing something deceitful , and not to mention i dont even do this with every thing i ever draw. just stuff with weird angles or if theres a specific pose i want to capture correctly. i cant tell if this criticism reminds me too much of the argument circa a few years ago that using references or photos of any sort at all was cheating, or if this is genuine criticism and its a practice i shouldnt use anymore. which i havent been doing anymore anyway.

it was so infuriating to be confronted with this and have the whole argument portrayed like i was a sham and i was duping people on purpose. “stay away from the art trade” was their exact words. it hurt a lot and it still does, and its still killing my confidence every day. ive been trying to move on from the whole thing but when someone you admire shoots you down like that, i just dont know how to keep going knowing them and other people they apparently talked to about this are looking at my work thinking im a cheat. this has been on my mind nearly every day for 3 months and its killing me.

[knittinganarchist]

the flower questions?? yeah bud do all of em go hard or go home

Ageratum: Are you friendly or wary of strangers?

I’m terrified of strangers but treat them unfailingly politely. It’s kinda the way your supposed to treat the fey; don’t trust them, but be very nice to them.

American Marigold: Is there anything you will not/cannot eat?

Keep your raw tomatos away from me pls. I don’t want their soggy soggy juices wetting my sandwiches/burgers/salads thank you.

Black-Eyed Susan: Have you ever given/received a black eye? Why?

I’ve never gotten or recieved a black eye because confrontation scares me and i avoid it At All Costs. 

Bleeding-heart: Do you open up freely with their emotions, or do you bottle it up until you burst? If you do hold it in, what is usually your breaking point?

I’m a big bottle of repressed emotional issues and worry 100%. My bursting point is usually after i’ve been too stressed for a couple of days and get over-tired, bc then i just start crying over something stupid, spill my guts to someone via text, and regret it absolutely the next day.

Butterfly-Weed: What is one thing that always makes you stop and admire, no matter what you were doing prior?

As someone who is both constatly distracted and looking for art ideas that a lot of things! Usually its either the outfits of people in town, or the sunset when im on the bus home of the evening. 

Common Yarrow: Do you easily blend in with the crowd, or do you wear/act so that you are noticeable and stand out?

Thats kinda tricky because i love wearing quirky opshopped clothed and ridiculous shirts, but i also kinda wear them in the hope that people wont bother me too much? I want to look cool, but not Too Cool.

Cornflower: Is there a color you don’t particularly care to wear? Is it because it clashes with your style, appearance, or any other reason outside of simple dislike for said color?

I don’t think theres a colour that i wouldnt wear? I dont wear a lot of green but thats more because i tend to gravitate to either warmer colours or crazy prints.

Creeping Zinnia: Do you listen into other people’s conversations, either idly or purposely? Has there been anything you learned from it? Have you gotten into trouble?

I absolutely do not. I feel so so terrible when i listen in and im so scared that they’ll say something very personal i should never hear. I wear headphones a lot of the time though so its not a huge problem.

Daylily: Do you have any daily routines/habits? Are they ingrained into you as a child or have they been recent additions?

I’m too scatterbrained to have too many daily habits, but the one that has carried over from my childhood is packing my bag the day before. For someone who worries a lot knowing im all ready for uni the next day, and having a vague idea of what i want to wear, is very helpful in helping me calm down before bed. 

Field Pansy: Have you ever gone and flown a kite before? Do you wish to do so if you haven’t?

Yes! There’s a big spare block up on a hill not far from my house, so when i was about 11 maybe(?) me and my neighborhood friends would make kites out of balloon sticks and rubbish bags, then ride our bikes up to the spare block.

Flowering Cabbage: Name one thing you keep, despite it being pointless or purposeless other than sentimental value or you simply cannot throw it away, and state the reason why you hang onto it.

Ummmm? Everything? I’m hopelessly sentimental. I’ve got clothes, books, letters, and dried flowers collected up simply because they remind me of happy times or people i care about.

Garden Impatiens: What causes you to lose patience? How do you react when you lose it?

Generally i have endless patience for others, but for myself? I’m constantly frustrated by my inability to concentrate for a long time, and when i’m trying to draw and it just Wont Work, usually that just leads to me just stewing in my annoyance for a few hours. 

Gooseneck Loosestrife: Is there anything strange or unusual you can do, or have noticed happening around you without an identifiable cause?

There’s nothing unsual that i can can do, although sometimes i wish that were true. Although i must say that art school has a ton of weird things i wish i could explain; like when you hear voices in a computer lab but you go in and its empty. Or the people who i swear i’ve never met before who stand outside the classrooms until you use your swipcard to let them in. 

Hosta: Do you enjoy the time out in the sun, or do you relax in the shade whenever you get the chance to do so?

I love the sun in every season except for summer, my pale pale skin cannot handle it at all so i stick to the shadows like a vampire. 

Ivy Geranium: Do you have any pets? If so, how are they doing?

I have a dog called Scruffy, who is cute but constantly a mess, and seven chickens all named after Doctor Who characters!

Japanese Bloodgrass: When was the last time you drew blood, either from yourself or from another? What was the reason?

I might have sliced my ankle shaving the other week because i was bopping along to the music i had playing and slipped...

Lady’s Mantle: What is one outfit you remember your mother/guardian wearing when you were a child?

My mum used to wear these striped tshirt dresses around the house all through summer, i actually got a few of these handed down to me!

Lambs Ears: Do you remember how old you were when the last time someone tried to censor their speech around you?

About 20mins ago... My mum was about to swear and just gave me a look before rephrasing hahah

Lavender: Is there a particular scent you are fond of? Do you smell this scent often or rarely?

I love lavender and rosemary in summer because it reminds me of the veggie patch that i planted near my back door a few years ago, but in winte hot chocolate and cinnamon are the best for feeling cozy.

Million Gold: How much money do you make, if any? How much money do you have currently?

I’m currently unemployed while i move out of home and settle in, but at the moment i’m housesitting so i think i get about $200 for the month, and then i dogsit again for someone else next month. Other than that my only income is from commissions..

Moss Phlox: Have there been any new friends you have made? What do you want to know about them the most?

Last saturday was my friend Katie’s birthday picnic and i met some lovely people there who i really hope i can stay in contact with.

Nasturium: Have you ever been the one to be told a secret? Did you keep it or did you share it with someone else? Was the secret worth being kept?

It’s not often people tell me secrets, but if they do tell me one i always keep it. I know how gross it feels to have someone betray your trust and i wouldnt do that deliberately to anyone. 

Ornamental Purslane: Do you wear any jewelry? Which ones are your favorites? Do you favor certain metals/gems/styles?

I don’t usually wear a lot of jewlery because i forget to change my earrings, and bracelets get in the way when im drawings, i used to wear a necklace all the time though. It was a teardrop shaped blue-goldstone on a silver chain, but my sister pulled it off when she was mad and it snapped. 

Rose Campion: If you had to fight, which one person would you chose to fight at your side? Would you pick them based on skill, on trust, or both?

I don’t know anyone personally who’d be any good in a fight so im going to have to say uhhhhhhh... either The Rock lmao bc he’d just punch danger in the face, or Ship ( @glumshoe ) because i just think he’d be prepared for even the weirdest stuff we could encounter.

Salvia-May-Night: What your habits/rituals you do when preparing for bed? How long do you usually sleep for?

The classic shower, facewash, text people who make me happy, and reluctantly set an alarm so i’ll get to class on time. I usually sleep fine all night no matter how early/late i go to bed, but i always wake up at 8am and have to check my phone to see if im late for anything.

Snapdragon: What sort of things would you hoard, if given the chance? Would you?

So so many things, its a good thing i dont have the chance. Books? Art supplies? Cool dresses? Pot plants? 

Snow-In-Summer: Would you rather have winter or summer? What are the benefits or reason to your preferred season over the other?

Autumn all the way. I love the coloured leaves and windy days, and its the perfect inbetween weather thats not too hot or cold.

Sunflower: Name one thing that will always make you smile.

Finding the perfect ugly/cool dress in the back of an opshop

Thread-leaf Tickseed: Are you an insect-magnet when you go outside, or do you insects generally leave you alone?

If im at home? for sure, i get a lot of beetles bothering me. But if im in the park at uni not so much for some reason.

Variegated Solomon’s Seal: What is one thing you wished you could seal away and never see/feel/use/etc again? Why?

99% of highschool to be honest, just a lot of Not Fun stuff.

Wheat Cockscomb: Name one thing you could do that you wished you could do, but cant?

Speak literally any language, i feel like it would open a lot of travel option up for me

Yellow Cosmos: What is your favorite constellation? Why? 

Cassiopeia! I just thought it was a neat myth, and also i used that as a name for a character in a grade 8 story story lmao.