#i dunno... i swear i saw a post about it years ago abt how cis ppl being Conscious Of and happy abt their genders

[blueaisha]

i keep thinking about making posts abt me de/retransitioning in hopes of reaching anybody that might need it but i don't really think they will and maybe thats for the best cause Tumblr is Insane and i think having even a few-hundred note post would kill me, but, for what it's worth...

the main thing that opened the door and let me be the gender i am and start to explore this was learning that... becoming cis isn't going to magically make me a raging transphobe, lol. changing my gender didn't feel like a big deal, but Becoming Cis, willingly, happily, openly, certainly did. hey, there's a word for people who become cis after being trans for quite some time! Hey, there is kind of a Loaded reputation and association for these people! and fuck, aren't i just lumping myself in with my worst enemies if i do this? if i go against what i've been defending all this time? if everything i've ever said and upheld and even introduced to others was WRONG for me????

so i realized smth i'm disappointed that i didn't learn the day, month, year i started questioning my gender back when i was like, 13: your gender is not inherently tied to any beliefs, opinions, personality traits, actions, etc. it's transphobic if you MAKE it transphobic. it WOULD be transphobic if i was saying "this is how it is for Everyone", or that "trans propaganda" Made Me like this or what the fuck ever, but, these aren't things i believe or agree with, so i don't say them, they aren't what my de/retransition is fueled by, and i'm not spreading these ideas about transness and detransition because I Can Still Vocally Be Against These Ideas Regardless Of My Gender!!!

you can be whatever you want, genderwise, beliefswise, cis or trans or something else, binary or nonbinary or something else, dysphoric or nondysphoric, having or not having this body part, this style you wear, this haircut, etc etc etc. the beliefs youve spent however long sticking to and living by aren't gonna magically fall out of your grasp if you do 'The Wrong Thing' with your gender, any opinion youre proposed with has to go through you first, and if your answer is 'no' it can just stay 'no'. you aren't transphobic for exploring your gender (quite the contrary i would say), and if anyone insists you inherently are regardless of what you do, well... prove them wrong. :P