#i feel like simply creating and learning through trial and error isnt fast enough and i fall behind
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#it's really hard sometimes to feel like what i do is enough#and that it isnt trash#i know i always tell people not to compare myself with others and to just create for the sake of creating because it makes you happy#but i'm finding myself falling deeper into self-loathing at my own creations#i'm not going to stop#it just sucks#i have no idea how to inprove or where to start to do so#i feel like simply creating and learning through trial and error isnt fast enough and i fall behind#or more realistically i was never ahead to begin with#anyways thats my rant#just wamted to say it without saying it to a person in particular because i dont care to burden anyone with my feelings#so if you saw this no you didnt lol please ignore#it also doesnt help when i was going into SUCH a good flow but then my husbamd comes home early because a wrestler he loves just died#and he can't handle it. but i dont want to be an asshole and leave him alone during this time.#but i feel like i NEVER get time away from him and just- do what i want to fucking DO unabashedly and without hiding#idk i sound and feel like an asshole but like... he's SO dependant on me it drives me insane and all i want is to be in my house that i pay#for alone for once... literally fuck my life#i can never have just ONE full day away from LITTERALLY anyone to just. be. ME.#and it's killing me
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