#i feel like this interview gave me a bigger insight into his head than everything he's ever said or done before

[captain-flint]

The Multifarious Multiplexity of Taika Waititi 

Like many performers, Waititi can be charming, but his default mode is sillier, in a way that feels obscurely flattering, like a private game you’ve been invited to join. He’s also instinctively good at reading people and slipping into whatever mode they find comfortable. In interviews, I tend to be anxious and earnest, and Waititi, in turn, became unusually calm and reflective. At the time, I thought this meant that I was seeing something closer to the “real” Taika: the person he becomes when he doesn’t feel obliged to be amusing. The more we talked, though, the more it became clear that Waititi wasn’t being especially real with me, or especially fake. Every person Waititi spends time with comes away feeling like they have a special connection. It’s a taxing feat. As Waititi observed at several points in our conversation, “I just want everyone to be happy.”

[blackmissfrizzle]

Can you add to the spring break one shots and possibly make it a serious?cuz I’m in love with it🥰🥰🥰

Title: Spring Break pt. 3

A/N: I hope this everything you wanted @waywardxlexieleahy. There will be a pt. 4 and that will be the end. I think pt. 4 maybe more serious for you!

Warnings; Douchebag ex, language, and mention of smut

The only sounds that could be heard were the clinking of the silverware against the plates. Your dad barely spoke a word to you, since he caught you and Dean in the middle of the act. But thankfully, Uncle Bobby was on your side, stating that you were grown and that your dad should’ve rang the doorbell first.

Tired of the awkward silence you spoke up. “So, about the case. What did the victims all have in common?”

Sam took a moment to trade looks with Dean, which was a sign of their silent conversation. You were able to catch the slight shake of Dean’s head and you were instantly irritated.

“Sam, if you don’t tell me Dean’s wrath will be the last thing you have to worry about,” you threatened while holding a knife.

His back instantly straightened, and he mumbled, “Sorry Dean.” Clearing his throat, Sam informed you that all the victims were black women around your age with a curvier frame.

It all made sense now. Dean didn’t want you to offer yourself as bait, but he was gonna have to get over it. “Perfect. Once we figure out what we’re dealing with, I’ll be the bait.””

A resounding no was echoed around the table. These damn men and their overprotective natures. Its cute when you’re not the target of their affection, but when you are its so damn annoying. So, now you gotta play hardball with them.

“Ok, this is how it’s gonna go,” you began while pointing a fork at each man. “Either I set myself as bait alone and have my chances of dying be pretty high or I have three other hunters as backup and have my chance of survival be pretty high. So, which one do you want to do?”

Not wanting to wait for their answer you continued eating as if you didn’t just give them an ultimatum. As you ate, you could feel their silent conversation going on and them reluctantly agreeing to you being bait.

“One thing feels out of place and you’re out of there. Do you understand me?” Your dad questioned you with a hard stare.

“Yes sir!”

For the rest of dinner, the conversation mainly surrounded the case. For the past couple of weeks there’s been girls going missing, but no one can find any connection to them. You weren’t surprised that you hadn’t heard more of it since it was black girls missing, but you couldn’t focus on that issue right now.

Thanks to help of everyone, you were able to clean up the kitchen quickly. While Sam, Dean, and Bobby went to their rooms, your dad decided to have a conversation with you.

“Dean Winchester, huh?”

“Idris Elba wasn’t available, so I had to settle,” you joked with your dad.

It wasn’t often that your dad laughed. The life had hardened him, but he always softened up around you. “I guess it’s better than that little bitch, Trent, which I never liked by the way. I guess I just have to get used to the fact that my baby girl is grown and she’s gonna do whatever she wants to.”

You reached up and grabbed your dad’s shoulders. “Daddy, I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will. I just didn’t picture you being or hunter or being with one. But if he makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

“He does.”

“Good. At least I know I don’t have to shoot his dick off. Good night, baby girl.”

You laughed at your dad, knowing that he wasn’t joking at all and then gave him a kiss good night.

When you entered your room, you were surprised to see Dean laying in your bed. “I thought you didn’t want to intrude in my space,” you mocked his tone from earlier.

“I think we passed that when I was deep in your pussy, sweetheart.” Dean quipped as his eyes roamed your body.

Raising your finger, you quickly dispelled any nasty ideas he was getting. “Nope, not happening Winchester! I’m not having sex while Uncle Bobby and my dad are in the same house.”

Dean rolled his eyes but gave up his mission for now. He lifted the sheets and invited you to bed. “Well, come on then. I’m ready to sleep, but I want you wrapped around my arms.”

Not wanting to make him wait, you jumped into bed with him and let the warmth of his body lull you to sleep.

---

Since, there was five of you, it was easier to divide the casework. Bobby stayed back to do research at home, Sam and Rufus questioned the families and friends of the victims, and you and Dean questioned some of the students on campus.

Currently, you were in the law building, waiting to speak to Angela, a bartender at a club one of the girls went missing at.

To pass the time you were scrolling through your phone when you heard a whiny voice call out your name. Lifting your head up, you saw it was Valerie, the “Becky” Trent left you for.

“Y/N, what are you doing here,” she asked if you two were actual friends.

Since, you were over Trent you let your petty side rest and addressed her normally.

“Just helping the FBI with the case of the missing girls. By the way, would you have any insight? Any tiny bit of information would be a big help.”

Valerie ran a perfectly manicured hand through her hair and gave me the fakest of smiles. “Oh, honey. You know me and those girls didn’t run in the same circles.”

Struggling to keep your cool, you bit your tongue from cussing her out. Through clenched teeth you had to let her know that one of the girls was a pre-law student and they must’ve had some classes together.

Thankfully, Dean showed up with Angela in tow and you began questioning. Unfortunately, she had very little info and felt that you were back at square one.

“So, I guess you got into Quantico by sleeping your way through, huh?” The voice of your ex-boyfriend asked as you finished your interview with Angela.

There’s was no time to insult him back, because you had to stop Dean from instantly clocking him.

“What the hell you just say to her?” Dean was already taller and broader than Trent, but somehow, someway he made himself seem bigger. You thought Trent would have better sense to walk back his statement, by the way Dean was stalking towards him despite you being in between the two. But nope. Dude was a dumbass and continued to egg Dean on.

Trent proceeded to speak to Dean as if he were a simpleton. “Listen, Agent. With Y/N’s size there’s no way they would let her train to be an agent. A secretary, yes. But an agent? There’s no chance in hell. So, she had to sleep her way through and judging by the way you’re reacting, I say its you.”

Automatically, you put your hands on Dean’s chest, pushing him away from Trent. His face clearly stated that he wanted to murder your douchebag ex and you almost let him do it. But then you remembered that Trent was a little bitch and would have no problem calling the cops if Dean managed to get to him.

“Trent, you’re just mad because you didn’t get into the law school you wanted and now you have to go with your fourth choice! Now I advise you to leave before I let him go and he’ll crack the other side of your ribs.” You threatened.

Trent waved you off. “Whatever, you were a sorry lay anyway. I was only dating you, since your mom is the attorney general.”

That little reveal caused you to drop any reservation for Trent’s life and you moved out of Dean’s way. Dean wasted no time and punched Trent’s lights out.

Of course, Valerie had to start screaming like it was a damn bloody murder scene, but you ignored her. Instead you crouched down to Trent to slap him awake. “I’m pretty sure you were the sorry lay and btw my mom never liked you.”

While the two of you walked away, both Valerie and Trent threatened that Dean wouldn’t be able to get away with it. But you had no worries, you were confident that Trent wouldn’t want to admit publicly getting his ass beat again, and if he even did go to the cops, just like Trent said your mom was the attorney general and she could easily get Dean off before the cops mirandize him.

“You really dated that ass wipe?” Dean asked, pointing back to the building.  

“It was a lapse in judgement,” you threw out.

Suddenly, your eyes were focused on Dean’s hands which were bruised from punching Trent. You grabbed his hands in yours and inspected them. “Let’s go home and I can clean these up.”

However, Dean had other plans. “How about we beat your dad and my brother home, kick Bobby out, and you can take care of daddy in a different way?” He suggested, while trapping you between him and Baby.

In an instant your body temperature went through the roof and you felt yourself unconsciously rolling your hips against Dean. “Yes, daddy.”

Dean cracked a smile and replied “Great,” as he opened your car door. Once he got you buckled in, he jogged to the other side of the car and drove off.

--

Unfortunately, you and Dean couldn’t get busy, because Sam and your dad were already there. It would’ve been a struggle just to get Bobby to leave, but with all three of them there it would’ve been impossible. So, instead each of you gave an update on what you were able to find.

“The only new thing I found out about one of the vics, is that she went to some nightclub a few days before she went missing,” Bobby said, sighing out of frustration.

“What nightclub?” You, Dean, Sam, and your dad asked simultaneously.

Bobby perked up. If all of you asked the same question, then this may be the break that you all needed. Bobby was scrambling through his pile of notes, until he found the paper he was looking for. “Aha! It’s called Lotus.”

Whiplash should’ve been an automatic effect after how fast you turned your head towards Dean. Angela was a bartender at that exact club, and you knew for a fact that place had to be the common denominator.

Sam and Rufus confirmed that they heard from multiple friends that the victims were there before they disappeared.

The men were concocting a plan to go the club, but they ignore the obvious plan. You fit the description of all of the victims. “Guys, I’ll just go undercover as bait,” you blurted out.

Four heads cracked their way in your direction. Dean and your dad already looked like they were about to object, but you interrupted them. “Aht, aht. Remember last night we agreed either I go as bait alone or I go as bait with y’all as backup. So, are we gonna argue some more or are we gonna do our fucking job and kill this son of a bitch?”

Bobby walked up next to your father and gripped his shoulder. “Rufus, I reckon we listen to the girl and do our job,” he stated as he proudly stared at you.

Finally, your dad cracked a smile of his own. “Alright, let get this motherfucker.”

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

baseball!Harry blurb

My first job out of college was good--good in the sense that I didn’t have to relocate out of Southern California, and good in the sense that I didn’t end up somewhere like Springfield, Illinois.

No offense to Springfield, Illinois--but my dream to be a broadcast journalist and on air talent was more more likely to take flight in Los Angeles than it was in the middle of nowhere.

I’d gotten to the ballpark early enough to have dinner, get settled, and do a few promotional shots with Mark, the faithful cameraman who’d been giving me pointers and tips since I’d started at NBC Los Angeles. The crowd was already pretty full--which wasn’t shocking for game three of the World Series--and I was constantly trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

“Relax,” Mark said, looking up from the camera he held. He’d set it down on a seat nearby--adjusting a few settings as fans filed down the aisles around us. “You’re doing fine, you’re gonna be great.”

I appreciated his words of encouragement, mostly because my boss had made it clear that they were taking a chance by sending me to game three. Ilana Perry--the usual sports girl they sent out to the sidelines--had come down with the flu and was unable to do the gig.

Lucky for me, I was young, bright-eyed, and obnoxiously asking for bigger and better and more assignments since I started with channel 4 in May.

They’d liked me well enough--they liked my highlight reel and my resume was impressive for someone my age. I’d had access to amazing equipment and good stories at UCLA, so getting the job offer from NBC was like hitting the jackpot. I accepted immediately.

“I know, I know,” I said to Mark, holding my microphone and papers close to my chest. In a minutes, we’d head to the locker room to do a few interviews before the start of the game, but Mark needed to fix whatever technical issue was occuring.

“Alright, I think we’re good,” he said, lifting the camera off of the seat and inspecting the side of it once more. Mark, a 55-year-old man who was old enough to be my father, had been working for channel 4 since he was my age. His regular reminders about my on-air charm and my ability to sniff out a good story helped in moments like these--moments where it felt like my career was on the line.

I nodded at him, allowing him to take the lead as we made our way down into the concourse. We strolled passed vendors, past fans in face paint and the long lines at the bars, until we found the unmarked door and security personnel who granted us access into the locker room.

Thankful for the laminated pass around my neck, I stepped in behind Mark, and seemed to take my place behind fifteen other journalists and reporters.

Beyond the other microphones and recorders, I could see his brown hair peeking out beneath his hat. He chewed on a piece of gum, nodding at the person in front of him who scribbled down whatever words he was saying.

Harry Styles, the young and questionable player from England, of all places, was somewhat of an interview favorite. He’d been with the Oklahoma City Dodgers last season, and after another player had surgery, Harry was brought it and immediately made a difference.

No one expected him to be so good, and no one expected him to be so funny, so charismatic, and so friendly.

“If we can talk to him, we should,” Mark muttered under his breath, standing beside me as we stepped forward in the line. A few other players milled about, but it was clear, everyone wanted to get a chance to speak with Harry.

“I know,” I nodded. “I’d love to ask him about that game in June when he hit for the cycle and came into home with a bloody nose.”

Mark let out a laugh--he always liked it when I came up with good questions, or conversations that seemed out of left-field. Everyone tonight would be asking how he felt--only 24 and playing in the World Series. He’d expect it from me--he’d expect the blonde girl with channel 4 to ask him if he was nervous, if he was excited.

But I knew the game better than that--I knew the amazing feat it was to hit for the cycle, and I’d rather talk to him about something unique. If I really wanted to know how nervous he was for tonight’s game, I could easily watch KTLA in the morning, or just about any other news station.

I watched the man in front of me ask him the same old questions. How’s the weather here compared to London? What’s it like to be in the World Series? You’re so young, are your parents proud?

He answered the questions with a grace, nodding and smiling and making an effort to be approachable--he adjusted his hat and locked eyes with me when the man walked away.

“Hi, Nicole Pearce, channel 4, NBC,” I shook his hand, smiling up at him as Mark moved around me, trying to find a good angle to get the shot.

“Harry Styles, outfielder, Los Angeles Dodgers,” he smirked back, his accent was thicker than I imagined, his eyes were a shade of green that couldn’t even be captured on TV. “How are you?”

“Good,” I nodded at him. “A little overwhelmed, I only started back in May.”

I didn’t know why I was telling him that--the last thing I needed was for him to think I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was talking about. He didn’t actually care, he was just being nice and making conversation while Mark got everything set up.

“I know how that feels,” he laughed. This was his first season in LA, he was young and bright-eyed and ambitious, just like me. “Sometimes when I get nervous, though, I just pretend everyone else is naked--that usually helps.”

I laughed, feeling a flush come to my face when his eyes went wide.

“I mean, not now, like--I’m not nervous now, you’re making me very comfortable,” he said, his words rambling into a run-on sentence to avoid any awkwardness. It might have been too late.

“Alright,” Mark looked up, a smirk tugged at his lips as he looked between us. “Ready?”

Harry only nodded, his cheeks still tinged pink from his accidental innuendo, but then he looked at me to start us off.

I cleared my throat when Mark gave me the count--3, 2, 1.

“Nicole Pearce live from Dodgers Stadium with outfielder Harry Styles,” I spoke into the microphone, focusing on the lens in front of me. “Harry, I’m sure most people are asking you the typical questions tonight--are you nervous, how’s it feel? But I’ve actually got a question for you about that game in June, if that’s alright.”

He immediately knew what I was talking about, fighting a bit of a smile that tugged at his mouth. He nodded, waiting for me to continue.

“You’re the youngest player to hit for the cycle in your first season with the Dodgers, but that Tuesday night game--how’d you get a bloody nose?”

He gave me a full smile now, chuckling a little as he nodded. I hoped he appreciated the humor, I hope he was thankful that I didn’t ask him the same thing that everyone else had asked.

“I’m not sure, really,” he shook his head. “It was totally out of the blue and couldn’t have been worse timing.”

“I’ll take it there was no celebration after that home run, then? No high fives or anything?”

“No, definitely not,” he shook his head, “I went straight to the locker room with a trainer--but it stopped, I was alright.”

“And Los Angeles is thankful for that. Good luck tonight, Harry. From the locker room, I’m Nicole Pearce, channel 4 sports.”

Mark pointed in our direction to let us know we were out--I looked back up at Harry, who’s eyebrows were somewhat raised. He chewed his gum still, but I couldn’t read the expression on his face. For a second I was worried that I’d bothered him--was he embarrassed, was he annoyed that I didn’t focus on tonight’s game?

“That was good,” he nodded down at me. “It’s always nice to get a break from the same old questions.”

“I was hoping it’d be a welcomed break,” I said honestly, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Will you be here after?” He asked suddenly, Mark watched on as he held the big camera in front of his torso.

“Here? In the locker room?” I suddenly felt aware of the line of people behind me--the other reporters who were waiting to get a piece of him, waiting to ask him a question and get some insight into his mind.

He nodded, crossing his arms as he looked down at me again. His uniform--the white and blue--complimented him well. Despite his newness to the team, he had an air of confidence that I could tell was genuine. He knew he was good, he knew he was making me a bit nervous.

“Yeah--I’m here all night,” I answered.

“Good to know,” he smiled. “I’ll try to find you later.”

**

I knew that being in this line of work meant uncertainty. It meant flexibility and it meant doing a lot of things on the fly. I had no idea, however, when I walked into Dodgers Stadium at 6pm that night, that I would be there until the next morning.

The game went 18 innings--the equivalent to a double header and the longest game in World Series history. While the fact that Mark and I stayed to cover the whole game was good for my career, it was anything but for my sanity.

At the 13th inning I was sure we were going home--the Red Sox had scored and our luck wasn’t great. I’d almost resigned to another loss, until we tied it again.

The longer the game went, the longer I watched Harry play and make catches and celebrate with his teammates, the more intrigued I was about our conversation.

He was friendly, that I had heard from other reporters in the field and other people I knew from work. I’d never met him before, but the way he smiled at me and said he’d find me later--it made me not as mad about sticking around.

Then again, it wasn’t like I had much of a choice--it was my job, after all.

I brushed on more makeup in the media bathroom, hoping to cover the circles under my eyes and make it seem like I wasn’t so exhausted. My schedule at the station had my sleep all over the place--some days they’d want me to do the morning shift and cover for one of our main anchors. That had me up at 2:30am and in the office by 3:30.

Things like this--games, sports, the thing I really wanted to cover--had me reapplying makeup in the middle of the night. I’d already done a sideline interview with the manager. Apparently he recognized Mark as one of the usual suspects nearby and offered a few seconds--that was one of the perks of working with Mark.

I’d watched Harry, out of the corner of my eye, make his way out of the dugout when they’d won--they all stormed the diamond to congratulate their teammate who’d hit a walk-off homerun. I think they were just as happy as I was that it was finally over.

“Excuse me, sorry--NBC, excuse us,” I muttered, hoping to push through some of the people at the back of the locker room. It was smellier than before, all sorts of scents wafted through the warm room. There were plenty of players who’d already been in and out of the shower, but the heat from the bodies and their exertion still clung to the air.

“Want to talk to Styles again? He played pretty well,” Mark asked, taking a second to hoist the camera up to his shoulder.

I scanned the room. I needed to be professional--I couldn’t let the flush on my cheeks or the skipping heart beat take over, even if the Dodgers’ youngest star player had possibly pictured me naked. That wasn’t the point.

“Sure, yeah, we can find whoever,” I shrugged my shoulders, hoping to just forget about the entirety of my conversation before. I needed to take this seriously. Covering this game was huge, I didn’t need to fangirl over someone just because he was a professional athlete.

We made our way to stand in the group of people near Max Muncy, I shoved the microphone through the crowd of recorders and iPhones, hoping to catch whatever he said. He was appreciative, he was excited, I managed to ask him a question about how he feels heading into game four, and then it was over.

The locker room was thinning out most of the players had changed and talked for a few minutes, they were likely heading home for what was hopefully a good night’s sleep.

I was standing with Mark, who was just about to power off the camera and gather his belongings, when I spotted him near his locker. His name was plastered above it, he stood, bent over, as he packed up his things. He smiled and offered a handshake to one of his teammates, the same smile on his face that I’d seen much closer early in the night. I cleared my throat when Mark, with raised brows, caught me staring.

“Relax, I was just seeing what he was doing,” I rolled my eyes, annoyed that Mark was clearly amused by my crush.

“Sure,” he laughed, dropping his Sony HXR into the bag he toted around. “I heard him say he’d find you later. I can give you some space.”

“Oh my god,” I rolled my eyes again, falling into step with him quickly as we headed towards the door. “Please, I’m going home, too. I’m exhausted.”

He opened the door back into the concourse and paused when we were outside. He took out his cellphone, looking at the time. “I’m in lot five, where are you?”

I pointed down the main hall and frowned. “Lot ten,” apparently the senior media got the better lot. “But have a good night, I’m back in on Sunday.”

He clicked his phone shut and put it back in his pocket. “Have a good night, Nic.”

I waved him off, draping my own bag over my shoulder as I began to trudge down the hallway. The walk to my car wasn’t terrible, but it was long--especially in the heels I’d been wearing for the last 18 innings.

I scrolled mindlessly as I walked, watching the array of tweets come in about the game, the score, the insanity of the entire evening. I was about to turn down the hallway that would bring me out to the parking lot when I heard voices approaching behind. The whir of a golf cart quieted, causing me to turn around.

“Hi,” Harry Styles smiled at me--clad in athletic shorts and a sweatshirt. The man driving looked familiar, maybe one of their trainers, maybe a teammate. “Nicole Pearce, NBC 4, right?”

I nodded, feeling a flush rise on my cheeks. His hair was brushed back under a Dodgers hat, which sat backwards on his head. He smirked at me. “Need a ride?”

“Oh--I’m fine, I’m in lot ten,” I said, pointing over my shoulder to motion to where my car was parked.

“You’ve still got a ways to go,” he informed me, the corners of his mouth still pointed upwards. “Come on, get in,” he motioned to the backwards facing seat behind him. I looked up and down the hall, wondering if this was something that I’d get in trouble for.

Since I didn’t know the answer, I figured I was allowed to feign ignorance. “I hope I don’t lose my job because of this,” I said quietly, climbing up and taking a seat--my feet were immediately grateful for the relief.

“If you lose your job because of me, I’ll personally call your boss and give him a very stern talking to,” he nodded solemnly.

I laughed, running a hand through my hair, hoping that my cheeks weren’t so pink that he could tell I was nervous.

“Are you local, Nicole?” He asked as we lurched into motion--the driver took the turn down the hall for lot ten, I nodded in response to his question and cleared my throat.

“I went to UCLA, grew up in Sherman Oaks. Now I’m in Studio City.”

He was twisted around to see me, his arm on the back of my seat. I could see the stubble on his face, the way it grew up his chin and on his jaw line, the way it sprinkled his upper lip. He was tan--all the playing in the sun must have changed his skin tone a bit, but he smiled at me.

“Bit of a drive in rush hour from here, no? How was your drive out?”

I shrugged--the 5 was always a mess, but I’d left from the studio after Mark and I had gotten the equipment we needed, so the route was more direct. “It’ll be better now at almost 1:30am.”

He smiled still, his eyes just scanning over my face as if he had something to say as we exited out the stadium and into the dark parking lot. I kept eye contact for a minute, though self-conscious about the heavy makeup I wore. It looked fine on TV, but in person it always seemed obnoxious.

The gold cart slowed to a stop. “A couple of teammates are headed back to my house just to hang out, have a drink, if you’re not doing anything.”

My eyes must have went wide, he laughed and shrugged. “Or not--if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I appreciate that,” I said quickly, cursing my overly expressive face and my inability to ever play it cool. “I just, it’s late, I figured you’d all go home and sleep.”

He laughed again, taking the baseball cap off of his head to smooth out his hair before replacing it. “Yeah, we will eventually. Hard to go straight home after a night like that,” he threw a thumb over his shoulder back towards the stadium.

I nodded--it made sense. It’d be hard enough to sleep at all after the events of the night. I stared at him, his eyes scanned my face once more, a smirk tugged at his lips and he shrugged his shoulders, as if asking me why not?

“Yeah,” I said. “Okay.”

**

When I found myself seated on a plush beige couch in Harry Styles’ living room, directly next to Joc Pederson and Walker Buehler, I knew that I could definitely lose my job for this.

I mean, it wasn’t like any of them cared who I was or even really asked. I’d walked in with Harry, thankful that the ride from the stadium to his house was only 25 minutes. I’d abandoned my car at the stadium, he said that of their trainers could drive it out later for me or I could get it in the morning.

I pushed the fear out of my head--I wasn’t the type of girl to do this, but something in me told me that it’d be a night to remember, a night that only comes once in a lifetime. I think I was right.

There was enough beer to furnish three college frat parties, a few of Harry’s teammates swatted a ping pong ball back and forth at a table near the kitchen, a few of them were watching replays of the night’s biggest plays on the TV in front of us.

Harry, who’d disappeared into the kitchen to get me another drink, returned and handed it down to me. “I can give you a tour, if you want,” he held a hand out, helping me from the couch. I stood, surprised at the height difference between the two of us now that I was without my heels.

He was tall, that was clear. He had broad shoulders, white teeth, curly, messy hair that was still tamed beneath his backwards hat. I followed him out the living room, away from the people and down a main hall.

He flipped on a light switch and stepped aside so I could see in. “Guest room,” he said. “Normally where my mum stays when she comes out.”

I smiled, picturing his family from the U.K. coming out to experience America’s past time. “How often does she come?”

“Eh,” he shrugged. “A few times a season. She’s out now with some of my aunts and cousins, but they’re all in a hotel.”

He flipped the light off, shut the door, and led me down the hall. “Bathroom there,” he pointed into a dark door.

“Yep, I used it already,” I laughed, watching him offer a smirk over his shoulder as he continued to lead me towards the stairs.

The foyer through which I’d entered was impressive enough as it. Beautiful dark wood end tables lined either side of the room, a second floor was visible, wrought iron railings lined the stairs and the overlook above.

“You saw the kitchen and the living room,” he said, climbing the first few steps. I climbed behind him, keeping enough of a safe distance. Sure, my job had allowed me access to a few celebrities here and there. Once I got to go to banquet where Demi Lovato gave a speech, there was even the time in college where I’d gotten to go to a journalism expo where Katie Couric and Don Lemon were, but I’d never experienced this.

I’d never been invited into someone’s home who’d I’d interviewed only a mere hours ago.

Harry led me down a hallway that seemed to have an end in sight. “Bedroom there, office there,” he pointed at two doors on either side of the hall. “There’s a bathroom with that one, it has a really nice tub.”

I laughed, following him down the dark hallway until he stopped at a set of double doors. “This is the master, my room,” he pushed the doors open, revealing a king sized bed clad in gray sheets and a gray duvet. He had a few jerseys framed above his bed--names I didn’t recognize but teams that I did.

One of the Yankees, one of the Astros. “Isn’t is kind of against the rules to have these?” I teased, walking closer to his bed and pointing up at them. I could hear the people downstairs, the cheering at the TV when they saw themselves do something amazing. He flicked the light switch on but kept the lights dim.

I turned around to see him, his lips were tugged into a smirk once more as he shrugged. “I mean, maybe--but they don’t spend a lot of time up here,” he motioned to his teammates downstairs.

“And this,” I looked to the protected bat that was mounted on the wall, signed by David Ortiz. “This is incredible, have you met him?”

“Unfortunately no,” he rolled his eyes, coming closer to examine it beside me. “He retired the year I got drafted.”

“My dad has loved the Dodgers forever, but he loves David Ortiz.” I said mostly to myself, still taking in the shiny bat that hung on the dark red wall.

I looked over to him to find his eyes on me once again--his eyes scanned down my face to my lips, and before I knew it, my body was pressed to his. His lips were unbelievably soft, his hands felt rough from gripping a bat, but soft as the moved down my size. I let my hands reach up to his face, feeling the stubble on his chin against my palms as he kissed me harder.

It was crazy--all of it, really. A typical night at work became a historical game and now it was surely something to remember. I let Harry push me towards the bed, he pulled away slightly when we toppled down, a smile on his face as he looked at me.

“Sorry--I hope that wasn’t too forward,” he paused, a look on his face almost told me he was now embarrassed, as if he felt bad for the way we’d pressed ourselves together.

“It’s fine,” I giggled, he held his weight on his elbow as he stared down at me. “Forward isn’t a bad thing.”

He brought his lips back to me, less feverishly this time, kissing me deeply and letting his hand trace down the hem of my dress. Stupid work dress--it was the least sexy thing I owned. If I had known this would happen, I’d have gone with the black one with the questionable amount of cleavage.

His fingers pushed the fabric of my dress aside, trailing up the skin of my inner thighs. I heard laughter erupt from downstairs, but Harry didn’t budge. His fingers crawled up to the fabric of the thong I wear, which he quickly pushed aside to allow himself access.

I let a moan out against his lips when he middle finger grazed over my clit. He smiled into me, letting himself rub at my center harder as I arched my back into him. Something about the uniform, the accent, the way he’d smiled at me in the locker room--all of it made me want him more than I’d ever wanted anyone.

He pulled away from me quickly, his lips red from blood flow. “D’ya want to take that off?” He pointed to the dress as he knelt on the mattress. I nodded excitedly, reaching back to tug at the zipper, but he ultimately brushed his hand against mine when he pulled it along my spine.

He pulled it off of me, leaving me in my bra and thong on his mattress. He pulled his own shirt over his head, removing the hat along with it. He brought his lips to mine once more, his left hand moved down to cup my breast, grasping me over the fabric.

I let my hand reach down to his shorts, feeling the bulge that grew beneath them. He let out a whimper when I palmed him over the material, he shoved a hand beneath me to remove the bra from between us.

His lips moved quickly to my nipple, he swirled his tongue in circles as I let me fingers grasp into the hair at the nape of his neck. He was good at this--which I think he knew, but he was surprised when I pushed him off of me.

“Go down on me,” I said suddenly, a smirk crossed his face as heat flew to my cheeks. I wasn’t necessarily one to be bossy--but I knew what I wanted and he seemed willing to do it. He moved his way down the mattress to the edge of the bed, looped his arms under my thighs, and pulled me closer to him.

“Gladly,” he raised his eyebrows as he pulled the black fabric from my hips, bringing it down to my ankles before I flicked it to the ground. He pressed a kiss against me first, just a light sucking and a gentle heat left me wanting more--enough so that I reached a hand down and pressed him into me. He laughed lightly, letting his tongue make contact with my clit, I let out another moan as he worked at me.

I don’t know if it was the fact that there were people downstairs, the fact that this was definitely against something in my contract, or the fact that I’d be sure to see him again, but something about the whole situation made it hotter.

He brought a finger up to slide in and out of me, his mouth still connected to my center as he licked away--my back arched off of the mattress and his name escaped my lips.

He liked that, apparently, because he pulled away from me and smirked. I sat up, reached forward to grab at his shorts, pulling him closer to me and pulling the fabric away from his cock in one swift motion.

His knees jerked a bit when my hand clasped around him, he let out a deep breath when I took him into my mouth. I giggled, smiling up at him as I let my tongue slide up and down his shaft.

“Fuck, Nicole,” he said, his eyes closing for a second as he leaned his head back. The sound of my name on his lips made me work harder--I wanted to hear it again. He was in my control, he was only thinking about me in this moment, and that felt good.

I sucked at the head, my hand cupping his balls for a minute, but soon, he placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a slight push. “Can I just fuck you?”

I laughed, appreciative of his question as I shifted back on the bed. He crawled forward on top of me, stepping out of his shorts altogether. He grasped a hand around himself, bringing it to my core and letting a shiver rake through my spine as he teased me with his tip.

“Please,” I said, through a cracked voice. He smiled, pressing himself into me and letting out a groan.

He let himself come closer down to me, brushing a piece of hair out of my eyes before letting his lips find mine once again. “Fuck,” he said, a bead of sweat dripped down the side of his forehead.

I couldn’t believe it--his eyes were closed as he thrusted in and out of me, and not only did it feel amazing to have him fill me, but I couldn’t help but marvel at my own luck.

“Harry,” I said lowly, he opened his eyes to make sure I was okay--but when he realized I was as pleased as he was, he kept moving, his cock moving against my clit in the perfect motion.

“I’m close,” I said, arching my back again to let him rub against me more.

“Yeah, baby, come on my cock,” he said, his eyes open to watch my face as he thrusted harder. It didn’t take long, and hearing him call me baby didn’t seem to hurt, either.

“Oh, fuck me,” I whimpered, feeling myself tighten around him.

“Fuck, Nicole,” he said--seemingly as close as I was. I reached my hands up, cupping his face and bringing his lips to mine, in an effort to keep both of us quiet.

He moaned against my lips, I could feel his orgasm only a few seconds after my own subsided.

He pulled his lips away from me, I opened my eyes to catch him smiling, a laugh escaped his lips. He was panting, his breath still short as he pulled himself out, I propped myself up on my elbows as he climbed off of the bed.

“Would you like to take a shower?” He asked.

I sighed, hoping to calm my own heartbeat before standing. “Sure,” I said.

He offered me a hand and pulled me off of the bed, pressing another kiss on my lips once I was stood in front of him. I followed him into the bathroom, where he turned on the shower, and let me step in first.

I let the water wash over me, a smile on my face from the shocking events of the night. The only thing that would make it better is if I could have done a story on it.

[murdocsagaypirate]

The Fall of 2D

A Character Essay

So.. this ended up being a nice long read.. but.. I think some of y’all might enjoy it. I just kind of got carried away. But I’m done~ Back to fanfiction~  I’ve done more thorough analyses of most of these songs that I touch on here in the past. If you go to my blog and type in the songs name in search you’ll find it ... unless I haven’t done it yet... and in that case go ahead and request it if you like.

Remember when you were a little kid and you would look at the clouds in the sky as the sunlight bounced off them? And something that simple would make you feel a part of everything, and all alone at the same time. And the feeling’s not something you can ever put into words, so you spend your whole life chasing it. Making music, taking pictures, painting, whatever. In the hope that other people will understand that sense or… feeling. As creative entities, we look for signs of life outside ourselves for a connection to alleviate the sense of solitude. That’s why we all do what we do. Whether we know it ourselves or not.

Phase 1: Someone Else’s Dream

2D never dreamed he’d be famous, or even successful, in any capacity. No one ever treated him like he possibly could be because he was disabled. He had chronic pain and hindered cognitive ability from childhood that shaped how others perceived him. His bright blue hair growing out of his damaged head made it so that everyone knew he was different- he was stupid. And that perception shaped him. It shaped him into someone with no big dreams, someone that tolerated being bullied, someone with poor self-efficacy and no sense of independence or developed sense of identity. He liked films and he liked music and it didn’t go much deeper than that. Not because he was stupid and shallow, as he’s clearly always been a very deep and creative thinker, but because no one ever gave him the options and opportunity to pursue something bigger. He says in the phase 5 football interview, “My mum and dad taught me not to aim too high.” No one ever believed in him.... 

Until Murdoc came along. 2D’s blue hair is directly associated to the event that handicapped him but to Murdoc it represented anything but a handicap- it gave 2D the unique looks that would make him a priceless asset in Murdoc’s pursuit of his personal dreams. For the first time in his life, Murdoc made 2D believe he was capable and valuable because he was talented and attractive. 2D didn’t need to be worshiped like Murdoc, he just needed to be worth something, and Murdoc gave him a way to do that. That’s what 2D means when he says that Murdoc “saved his life”, that’s a big reason WHY he idolized him in addition to the fact that 2D appreciates that Murdoc is genuinely talented and driven. 

I can’t impress this enough: 2D was only 19 years old. Old enough to know you’re expected to be an adult, to make something of yourself, but for many still not old enough to be one - especially for someone that grew up disabled, whose independence wasn’t fostered ... Make no mistake: 2D was vulnerable and Murdoc, who was 31, took advantage of him. This is a 2D analysis so I’m not going to go into why Murdoc did this, but at the end of the day, Murdoc was a fucking shitty shitty person and there no good excuse. 

Already by the time the first album came out, 2D had already figured out he’d been taken advantage of. That’s what New Genius (Brother) is about. It’s about Murdoc and the promises he made him about the path to success he was going to take him on, about the river they were going to ford together and how 2D felt betrayed. 

Besides what we learn in RoTO, there are some songs that you can’t totally parse out what lyrics on Gorillaz debut album belong to 2D and which belong to Murdoc besides simply what makes sense. It’s interesting though you can easily argue that there are shared sentiments in songs like Slow Country about working hard to succeed and being lonely. In RoTO a lyric for this song is included, “City life, leave my soul in deep water.” which mirror’s “The river ain’t deep.” in New Genius (Brother). Sound Check (Gravity) is a song he sang straight from his heart on a rooftop in Jamaica with Noodle, that repeats themes of feeling pressured and betrayed and the theme of a confusing and broken love which will reoccur, over and over. At that time (in Jamaica, no less) that love is actively breaking, not broken yet, but he doesn't know what to do. Latin Simone characterizes his depression and the realization that he’s just not happy on this path he’s started on, but there’s no escaping it now. Then you have a song like 12D3, that very directly characterizes him as a simple person that takes simple pleasure in music. There are various songs and lines on Self-titled that characterize drug dependency both for 2D and for Murdoc. Phase One, overall, sets us up with a picture of a 2D who is still enthusiastic about his future as a musician for no other reason than his passion for music, yet disillusionment is quickly setting in, both toward the lifestyle of fame and his idol and best friend. 

Phase 2: Feel Good?

This is where 2D starts talking about his never-ending quest to “find himself”. 2D never got to gain independence. He went straight from dependency on his parents to dependency on Murdoc, living at his mansion studio and literally letting him tie his shoes. His parents never fostered an ability to self-care or a sense of ambition, so Murdoc gifted him his ambition and without Murdoc, 2D doesn’t have his own sense of identity. 

So, of course, leaving Murdoc after phase 1, he went back to his parents, to work for his dad. He returned to his hometown, to a bunch of people that treated him like a worthless idiot. But now he’s famous. So now he’s surrounded by people that want to validate him... Which he fucking eats up, because it fills the hole left by his upbringing... Not to mention all the very fucking irresponsible sex. There is much that goes unstated about this phase of 2D’s life, it seems he chooses to paint it as wholly positive, yet we know the lasting consequences of it (child support for for several kids for the next 18 years) as well as the fact that he ultimately chose to leave it behind and return to Gorillaz and back into the same lifestyle that he hated and is only getting worse as Gorilaz’s popularity hits it major peak in 2005:

The Feel Good Inc music video give shit tons of insight into the characters and the lyrics. Notably, the way that 2D is placed at the center, on a throne, and how utterly miserable he is on that throne. It’s not JUST the debauchery he struggles with, but the position of stardom and idol worship he’s been thrust into. 

“Take it all in on your stride” run’s parallel to Latin Simone’s “Give up, if you want to survive.” He’s resigned to this path, never exhibited any desire to fight it really, because he’s never known another path. Without Gorillaz, he’s aimless. “Turn forever, hand in hand... It is ticking, falling down. Love forever, love has freely turned forever you and me. Windmill, windmill for the land. Is everybody in?” The windmill represents freedom, Noodle’s freedom contrasted with 2D’s imprisonment specifically, yet here he sings about it “falling”, foreshadowing El Manana. He talks about the utter destruction of hope happening to all of them. “Is everybody in?” 

Remember the theme of a “breaking love” I’d say would be returning over and over? 2D is trapped in the tower with Murdoc who watches him like some kind of predator throughout the video. Russel is there too, which characterizes him as lacking the freedom that Noodle has but coping through staying focused on drumming, making music. This person that 2D is turning with forever, falling, hand in hand is mainly Murdoc. 

While much of this album was written by Noodle, 2D has specifically talked about writing chorus of Feel Good Inc. And there are other songs on the album I’ll touch on that, although lore never specifically states, I can only assume are written by 2D by how well they fit into his character arc at this point in his life and make no sense in characterizing Noodle.  

O Green World continues with the themes of Feel Good Inc with the line “Hope, sex and drugs will rust into myself holy. It feels holy,” further characterizing the disturbing dichotomy of pleasurable addiction as a destructive force. Placing “hope” on the list of things that 2D clings to for comfort that destroy him is heartbreaking and we’ll watch how this “hope” becomes more and more painful to hold onto throughout the years. The larger focus of O Green World is the narrative about a failing relationship: the current state of his relationship with Murdoc. A desperation and confusion over a crumbling relationship is also explored in Every Planet We Reach is Dead. Lines like “For all the sacred selfless days, only left with heartache. I want to see you again. I love you... But what are we going to do?” paints the same picture 2D will eventually paint for us again in The Now Now. He will look back on this era of their relationship where he clung to hope that they’d be close, happy and healthy again. And yet... we know how that turned out...

Phase 3: Alone Together

I only really joined the band to make music, and now, I'm being held captive by a bastard bass player in an underwater submarine, being attacked by sodding pirates who are trying to take over this rotten piece of broken plastic in the ocean that Gorillaz call 'home'. All this, just to make a video. It's making me want to die!

So... this is a major phase for 2D, but of course, that fact is often overshadowed but what a big deal it was Murdoc. We have hours of podcast and a whole album to witness Murdoc’s deterioration and precious little to witness 2D’s, though there is certainly enough to analyze especially later in the phase. 

2D doesn’t seek attention like Murdoc does. He’s motivated by validation, sure, but not in the practically narcissistic way Murdoc is. 2D isn’t the one that is constantly engaging with fans, soaking up our attention and admiration. He wants to connect to people through music, not as a celebrity, just as a musician. He’s private, and that loss of privacy that comes with fame is probably yet another factor that caused him to hate it.

2D struggles with emotional isolation like Murdoc but in a completely different way. It’s not that he fears and avoids connection and vulnerability like Murdoc, in that quote I started this with he shows that he finds it to be something important and profound. It something he simply finds difficult for many reasons. One, his disability that clearly effects his communication skills. Then the inherent isolation that comes with stardom. And finally, an inability to connect with himself first and foremost, his undeveloped sense of personal identity comes back into play, that theme of struggling to “find himself”.

Little Pink Plastic Bag characterizes the isolating feeling of drifting through life without purpose. 2D has lost control of his life, knowing he was going to school before this phase might indicate he was beginning to find purpose but once again (and in a much more literal sense) he’s forced away from his own dreams to serve Murdoc’s. “What you want in life? Someone here'll gonna get past by” hearkens back to so many themes present in the first album. In New Genius (Brother) he sings, “People passing through me.” 2D still feels overlooked, underappreciated, so many years later. 

2D talks about Revolving Doors: “As I was walking through the doors of the hotel - the revolving doors - and the dislocation of being away, you know, out of sorts, away from home. and the image of this door permanently revolving, the endless repetition and the pointless rhythm of it all I guess struck like, a melancholic image within me. It paints a similar aimless image to pointlessness of plastic bag floating on the highway. Revolving Doors also pretty explicitly references drug use, specifically about buying drugs and getting shorted by the dealer. It’s not news, just notable that substance abuse is still very much present. Another major theme is 2D lamenting how much fame has changed him and his fear of what more is to come which come up again in Amarillo.

Amarillo is such a fucking beautiful song. “I got lost on the highway. But don't ask me where I've been. Or what I've done.” The trials of the last few years have changed 2D, he recognizes this and fills him with regret. And again, he expresses that utter lonely we’re familiar with by now. 

Finally, we have DoYaThing giving us incite at the very tail end of this phase of the state of 2D’s relationship with Murdoc, which has quite obviously suffered but enough time is past that they are ready to start healing again. The line “If you're thinking that I don't know what you're thinking, baby. You do more thinking and I'll go out and make it alright“ expresses a concept 2D explored a few times on Demon Days, “I know you now, I know you know me too.” in O Green World characterizes there relationship as legitimately intimate, they understand each other. This sort of relationship is suggested in interviews too, mostly Murdoc relying on 2D to help handle a crisis, while it doesn’t seem that Murdoc is emotionally equipped to return the favor, yet another way Murdoc contributes to 2D’s chronic loneliness. Despite how much 2D is struggling with at the end of phase 3 he still expends energy worrying about Murdoc. After their live recording of Detroit, 2D responds to Murdoc thanking him, presumably just for the fun of the moment, “I was just glad to help, really.”

DoYaThing expresses this dynamic of expending energy and getting little in return with frustration. Before, 2D was confused and hurt, now he’s angry and impatient. “Every time we try, we get nowhere“... “I've got no patience. Oh, it's all a part of the process. Nothing's new, it's true, cool, I admit. Shit, I guess you're right“ 2D is holding on but growing bitter... 

Phase 4: Gone Gone Gone

It’s obvious in this phase that his drug abuse is at an all-time high. The entire phase, songs, pictures, interviews, portrayed the band as going all out partying, which, of course, involved drugs. Recreational is one thing, but we know it’s more than recreational for 2D. Sleeping Power was the big 2D song of this phase. All the way back to Tomorrow Comes Today’s music video we see 2D’s drug abuse almost being portrayed as a fun aesthetic as brightly colored pain pills fly at the screen and now with Sleeping Power 2D is having a hell of a good time singing about a day he spent “gone”, completely strung out. He starts the video with the old “This is your brain on drugs” ad, which is practically become a joke in modern culture. and it’s an interesting contrast with the extremely emotional way Murdoc writes about his alcoholism in Plastic Beach, or the dark and completely unflattering way it’s portrayed in White Light.

There’s no denying 2D is depressed, but when it comes to his coping methods it seems he copes even further by making it a part of his identity. It’s not difficult to understand why he’d be so inclined to see his addiction as a positive thing, not only does it help his mood but it manages crippling chronic pain. No matter what though, addiction and substance abuse are never sustainable for mental health and 2D has struggled with this issue or a long.. long.. time. 

As for his relationship with Murdoc at this point, it remains in pieces. We see the bitterness 2D feels toward him throughout phase 4. We lose 2D’s voice on Humanz but find so much incite exploring his phase 4 room. Murdoc’s face is plastered on his wall vindictively covered in darts. And yet we find his poems promising, “Yes I am still with you.” and “I will stay. The storm abates. The levy holds.” He’s angry but still refuses to give up. Whether you want to interpret it romantically or not, he clearly still loves Murdoc and we see this even more in The Now Now... 

Phase 5: Reflection

On Plastic Beach, if 2D is trapped on an island of isolation then it’s only because Murdoc is the ship that stranded him there. In Magic City, if 2D is on the moon - shining brightly for everyone to see - it’s because Murdoc was the rocket ship that crash landed him on it. The Now Now is chalk full of callbacks and beautifully shows where 2D has come from and where he is now, especially in his relationship to Murdoc. “You put me up here in the penthouse.” Murdoc is the force that made him successful, the reason he’s famous. "I filled the canyons with my ego” The canyon, the hole in himself. We get a call back all the way to New Genius (Brother) as he changes the effect on the vocal’s to sound like some distance voice from the past of someone promising 2D ease of passage only to betray him by leading him to danger, “Let me take you this far. This crossing isn't much to me. There's lightning in the storm clouds. And I'll send you there to stay” and of course, that voice is Murdoc’s. 

Like he’s been for years, he’s trapped in this lifestyle. Looking all the way back to 5/4. He talks about the same debauchery and spoils of fame he feels trapped back in Feel Good Inc and calls them “magic”. It’s ironic but at the same time addresses the fact that he was promised they would be magic, promised they would feel good, only to feel betrayed when they weren’t. “Magic on me. Really got me down... Magic’s funny. Magic get me through.” The same magic that depressing him, he relies on to get through: drugs, sex, the validation of fame, you name it. It’s a common tale we see for celebrities time and time again. Trapped in this “Magic City”, he wants to make it “home”. He talks about making his journey home in Kansas as well... where exactly does 2D consider “home”? I wonder if even he knows. Our sense of home is so tied to our sense of security and identity, something 2D has always struggled with. On his quest “home”, by the end of the album the thing that he truly returns to.. is Murdoc. In Souk Eye he decides to come back for him... after all this... he’s still willing to give him yet another chance. Throughout the years he’s had one anchor and one anchor alone: Murdoc. So in the absence of this anchor, his sense-of-self changes dramatically as he tries to emulate the man that was once his idol. Of course, we see this play out in the lore... But... at this point (9/28/18) anything I say about 2D actions in this phase beyond the early characterization through the album is just speculation... So, back to the album...

There are few places where 2D talks about how much he’s sacrificed for Murdoc’s sake, how he’s stood by and suffered for him, even made music for him when he really just didn’t want to anymore. Idaho references this and the level of idolization he once felt for Murdoc so long ago, “Playing it all for gods Yesterday/Faraway” and the role of Murdoc in pressuring him, ““Ride on," said the king of cool. you've got nothing to lose“ and how his hope faded through the years, “Silver linings getting lost”. Fireflies again frames Murdoc’s role in driving him, “You were in the kind of game that put the force in me“ and overall speaks to his desperation to hold onto hope throughout the last 20 years. 

The lore supports these songs are about Murdoc in far more obvious ways then has ever been done. Between the Souk Eye visualizer and 2D’s journal, the depths for which he feels for him becomes undeniable. The deterioration we’ve witnessed has caused him so much pain and yet his love remains. “If loving you’s a felony now, then I’m a renegade.” 

2D’s story serves as a tragic retelling of the path that so many real-life famous musicians have taken. Being in the limelight is rarely something normal people are able to cope with, and clearly, 2D is no exception. It changed him, caused him to make decisions he hated. He never would have chosen this lifestyle without Murdoc pressuring him, and returns over and over even when he has the choice to stay away because it’s one of the few solid things he can grasp as part of his identity. Meanwhile, he’s bound to an individual that’s even more unhealthy then he is, enabling his isolation, denying him support, taking advantage of him from day one, manipulating his poor sense of self-worth. All of it crushed his once child-like spirit... only time will tell where he goes from here. Maybe one day he’ll finally see the end of his abuse, heal with the man he’s forgiven too many times, and find security in his own self-worth... 

Now if all that made you too sad here’s a video of 2D being absolutely adorably happy because he has the opportunity to connect with fans through sharing his passion for music. 

[eligos-venator]

Character Interview - Eligos Venator

— what did you have for breakfast?

“Yesterday, hashbrowns and eggs. Day before that, fritattas. Today, shakshuka. Really, it depends on materials left and my mood for the day. I try to vary and be flexible since the same old every morning would grow very, very tiresome and unappetizing quickly.” He explained with a small, lazy shrug and slight smile. “Since I cook for myself and Ibri isn’t exactly picky about her meat, I’m able to be flexible and easily adjust based upon what I have to work with.”

— what can you cook perfectly?

“I don’t like to brag, but give me a cook book, and you get what you ask for. I’m not at the level of a professional, but cooking is a joy to me, so I’ve naturally gotten better at it through experience.” He stated happily as he set his hands together on the table, the right gloved hand covering the left as he leaned forward. “I’m also always interested in steal- I mean learning recipes from any who might have a few that aren’t so easily found in these mass-produced cookbooks you come across in the market often. I’ve a few from my travels, and while spices and herbs can be troublesome, they provide a nice bit of variety so that I don’t have to eat the local cuisine every night.”

— if you could choose a pet, what would it be?

“I already have Ibri.” With a wave over to the side, he pointed out the brown and gray feathered hunting hawk who sat on her perch in a corner of the room. “Raised her from a chick when she hatched at a bad time. I’d been paid to retrieve such an egg for a noble’s son, and well..” The hyur trailed off, chuckling softly as his right hand covered his mouth to try to be polite as he did so. As he stopped, the hand dropped back to his lap and rested there. “She may have seen me first and thus imprinted upon myself. I didn’t get paid for that job, but I did get a family member who is quite sweet, even if not in the way a cat or dog might be.”

— how is your relationship with your parents?

The Hyur stared blankly for a moment, his expression shifting from friendly to a perfect poker face as he considered the question before the smile returned. “We don’t have much to speak about anymore. I didn’t exactly turn out as I was supposed to, and that lead to strain in the family. Suffice to say we’re all better off with how things turned out.” With that simple statement, he gave a blank stare, indicating this line of questioning was over.

— what is your favorite read?

“Hard to say. I suppose an anatomy textbook would be my favorite read. It proves the most useful in understanding and dissecting body mechanics and provides insight which makes my own combat more effective. Next up would be combat manuals and guides explaining the weapons one might run into, and their purpose. For knowing that purpose and the key traits is vital to be able to take full advantage of an enemy’s weapon choice.”  He closed his eyes as he relaxed, his arms crossed and resting upon his chest as he thought about the question further. “I am assuming that you mean any book, and not limiting myself to storybooks, at least. Do tell me if I’m wrong.”

— do you put both socks on first, or one sock, one shoe?

“Putting on clothes is like putting on armor. Put on all of each layer at once, and move on to the next once it is done.” With a shake of his head, the Hyur let out a small sigh. “Matter of preference for some, maybe, but for me it’s easier to keep in this habit.”

— do you fold your clothes before bed?

“Technically. If I do it at any point before I sleep, it’s counted, right?” He asked, a brow raised as he leaned back in his chair. “I do it in the morning after changing into the day’s attire. The prior day’s clothes go in the laundry and will be washed before being folded up properly before being stored.” He then blinked, then gave an incredulous look as he mulled over the question once more. “Are you telling me some of the people you interview wear the clothes multiple times before washing? That’s.. unhygienic, to say the least.”

— how do you feel about marriage?

“That old ‘ball and chain’ joke? It’s hardly a joke. I’ve seen marriage tear the soul from man and woman alike, and grind their spirits down into nothing. But on the flip side, I’ve seen just as many thrive. It all boils down to the two being compatible long term rather than short, if they wish to keep the spark alive.” The Hyur stated with a small, brief smile and nod. On realizing that it was a question for his opinion, he briefly frowned, though that frown soon turned to a small, half-smile as yellow eyes watched the interviewer carefully. “I have no strong opinions one way or the other, since it’s not something I’ve ever considered for myself. I can’t tell the future, nor how I might feel in time on a matter never thought about. But I can say that at this moment, it’s not something I can see myself desiring.”

— who was the last person you crushed on?

“You’re hilarious, you know that, right?” He asked with a small laugh, though he was quick to cover his mouth as he did so. “I don’t know if you’re an optimist or what, with expectation that everyone interviewed will be forthright and honest when asked a question like that. The answer is ‘I have no idea’. And if you think that’s true, I’ve got a castrum I’d like to sell you.” The hyur’s lips turned up in a smirk as he clasped his hands together, resting then on the table. “Let’s stick to questions that don’t involve private lives and thoughts, alright?”

— what does your dream home look like? and where would it be?

“I already have it. It’s my cozy, quaint little apartment near the Mists. A beach location, and it’s just the right size for myself and Ibri, with an open area.” The Hyur beamed as he said this, his lips pulled up together in a bright smile. “And it was cheap! The last fellow who owned it was moving to a larger home, and I have to say it was the biggest mistake he made, selling it to me so cheaply. Sure, it needed some repairs, but the loft setup is ideal and helps make even a small space feel massive. Plenty of space for a bed, tub, a desk and pen for Ibri, and even a full kitchen.” He stated brightly as he clapped his two gloved hands together. “Couldn’t really ask for more for myself. If it were any bigger it’d be a pain to dust and clean, and there’s no way in the seven hells I’m hiring someone else to do that for me when I’ve got working arms and legs to do it myself at no cost.”

— what’s your worst habit?

“You know that filter between your brain and the mouth?” Eligos raised an eyebrow as he eyed the interviewer, yellow eyes watching attentively as he tilted his head slightly to the left before righting it. “Yeah, that. Sometimes I just forget to do that. I’ll sometimes just say what I’m thinking as I’m thinking it, rather than sitting on it and evaluating that thought before expressing it. It’s caused me no end of trouble, so I’d say it qualifies as my worst habit.”

— what do you do for a living and how do you feel about your job?

“Now that’s a loaded question. I’m a hired hand. Some assignments I might be acting as a bodyguard. Others I might be hunting a beast that’s caused trouble in an area. There are even clients who’ve sent me to the corners of Eorzea to fetch them samples, and others who’ve had other tasks of the miscellaneous sort, such as paperwork and the like. I tend to prefer combat, myself, but I’m not about to pass up good coin for a quick and easy job.” He stated as he reached to his lips with his right hand, covering his mouth in a polite motion and obscuring it from view as he laughed. As the laughter stopped, his eyes narrowed while his hand remained in place, his elbow resting on the table as he propped his chin up, resting it upon his thumb. “Level of discretion varies between clients. Rightfully, I can’t tell you everything as I’ve been specifically paid by a good many to keep silent. And to break word is to break the trust of clients past and future. Naturally, that’d cause issues for me and be a right headache I wouldn’t be able to so easily fix. Hardly worth it for an interview I’ve not been paid to do.” Tagged by: @regalblossom @ivyffxiv Tagging: I don’t know who hasn’t been tagged for this already, so.. anyone who hasn’t done this yet! 

[chalamalabingbong]

Timothée Chalamet, Steve Carell, and Director Felix van Groeningen Discuss Addiction and Fatherhood

In ‘Beautiful Boy,’ the trio brings to life the true story of a father coping with his son’s addiction—and reckoning with the limits of paternal love

By Thomas GebremedhinOct. 3, 2018 10:17 a.m. ET

ON A QUIET stretch of beach in Northern California, a father takes his son surfing. Bodies flat against their boards, they paddle away from shore. As the waves grow bigger the boy, forging ahead on his own, disappears behind a curtain of water. Then, just as the father begins to panic, the boy emerges, triumphant, riding a wave back to him.

The scene, which arrives early in Belgian director Felix van Groeningen’s English-language debut, Beautiful Boy—co-written with Luke Davies—casts a long shadow over the rest of the film. Adapted from a pair of best-selling memoirs by a father and son, David and Nic Sheff, the story recounts the painful transformation of one family grappling with drug addiction. David, a well-meaning journalist played by Steve Carell, has always been close to his son Nic (Timothée Chalamet), but as Nic begins experimenting with drugs, eventually spiraling into a full-blown addiction to crystal meth, David is forced to question just how well he knows his boy, where he went wrong and how he can get him back.

Beautiful Boy—produced by Plan B Entertainment (Moonlight, 12 Years a Slave) and shot over 40 days in Los Angeles and San Francisco—has a nonlinear structure, with devastating episodes that reveal the extent of Nic’s dependency (“It takes the world from black-and-white to Technicolor , ” he says of crystal meth) played against sweeter moments between father and son. The film comes as drug addiction remains a national pandemic, but while it poignantly humanizes a difficult issue, it’s not on a mission. Its appeal lies in more universal preoccupations: what it means to be a family, the conflicting impulses in any parent to both protect their children and set them free, and the search for wholeness and identity.

Last month, van Groeningen, Carell and Chalamet reunited for the film’s premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival and for their first group interview about the project. The mood in the room was playful and tender as everyone greeted each other with hugs. While they sat for their portraits, fiery R&B tracks floated down from a sound system; at times, struggling to sustain serious, camera-ready expressions, the trio burst into fits of laughter. Were there similar moments of levity on the set of Beautiful Boy, despite the grave subject matter?

“Oh, sure,” Carell says. “We wanted to honor the material, but we actually had a lot of fun, too. Because that’s part of life. Even within the darkest moments.”

Thomas Gebremedhin: This is a heartbreaking movie. How do you prepare for something like this?

Felix van Groeningen: I’ve touched on the subject [drugs] in my other films, but in a very different way. So I went to Al-Anon and AA meetings. I visited rehab centers. But, obviously, David and Nic were the biggest source of information for me. Getting the details felt important, and so my bibles were the memoirs.

Steve Carell: Being a father really gave context to my approach. Specifically, my love for my own children gave context to how I was approaching this guy, which isn’t too far from how I would imagine trying to navigate this experience if it was something that fell into my life. A week before we started shooting, my son, who was 11 or 12 at the time, out of the blue asked whether marijuana is a gateway drug. This was on the way home from school; it’s clearly something that they’d been discussing. We’d had vague conversations about the dangers of drugs, but not a more adult conversation about it. It’s terrifying on even such a simple level having that discussion. I didn’t want to make a wrong turn. I assume David went through many of the same things, wanting to do everything right but realizing there is no right or wrong path.

Timothée Chalamet: For me, the first thing to pull from is the experience of being a son, a son in a family, and having a great relationship with my father. There is a recognizable physical context to that. From a hundred feet away you can tell by the way people hug whether they’re family.

TG: I want to touch on that father-son dynamic. The chemistry between you two is so apparent in the film. How do you create that connection off-camera?

SC: I don’t think you do. I don’t think it’s something you consciously generate. I don’t want to speak for Timmy, but we immediately liked each other. We immediately felt a connection. I never felt there was an acting exercise that we were using to try to feel more connected. In Timothée I saw an incredible, soulful, generous person. I liked him enormously from day one. And since I’m exactly the same kind of person, I expected him to feel the same about me. [Laughter] But it was very natural.

TC: I feel so immensely filled with gratitude that I have Steve and Felix and other people that I’ve been able to work with at a young age that have been, I don’t want to say paternal towards me, but it’s a form of that, and I…. [Felix gets up to pour himself water] As he’s leaving!

SC: [Laughing] Felix doesn’t feel the same way.

FVG: I was so happy we took two weeks to rehearse. I always do it. It gave us time to know each other. I was very nervous in the beginning, and it gave me time to calm down and to be myself. English isn’t my first language and, I mean, I’m working with movie stars! I needed that time. But as Steve said, it wasn’t like we were artificially getting there.

TC: I was very soothed by Steve’s warmth and kindness—

SC: Keep going.

TC: But really, I was and am a huge admirer of Steve’s work, and I knew this was going to be a bridge for me to cross. It was good for me to realize upfront, OK, that’s going to be a hurdle, especially [since we’re playing] father and son. I needed to get it out of my head.

TG: What were the most challenging scenes for you to film?

TC: I found the sequences on the phone challenging. It’s the nature of the movie that those phone calls are emotional climaxes. And generally, as an exercise, phone calls are challenging as an actor because you don’t typically have the other person there with you. So I was very grateful that each time there was something on the phone, whether it was Andre Royo [who plays Nic’s AA sponsor, Spencer] or Steve, we were always there for each other.

SC: For me, it was when the character of David makes choices that would be difficult for me, or any father, to make. There’s a sticking point in your subconscious, maybe, about how you would handle a situation. By his own admission, David makes tough choices, and sometimes as an actor, or just a human being, you evaluate what those choices are. Sometimes they conflicted with what I imagined I would do, but ultimately I realized it’s probably what I would do. Making that shift was interesting to me.

TG: Right, there are several forks in the road for both David and Nic throughout the movie, but the scene that felt critical to me is when David has to establish some kind of boundary with Nic.

SC: It was a terrifying scene. A moment any parent would dread. It’s hard to even imagine getting to that point, where you have to make that kind of choice while still desperately loving your child. The whole thing is terrifying and tragic and common. That’s the other thing—every day while we were shooting this, if any of us mentioned to other people what we were working on, the stories and personal connections were a bit overwhelming.

TG: Well, last year was the deadliest on record for overdoses.

TC: Yeah, more than car crashes.

TG: This isn’t a preachy film, but how do you hope it will play a part in that discussion?

FVG: I think it’s about giving people a face and a voice. I hope this film gives insight into how complex [addiction] is. A lot of movies touch upon it from just one side. But there’s something unique about [Beautiful Boy]. It’s two points of view of the same story.

TG: When you went back home to your families after a day on set, were you able to leave work at work?

TC: Certainly in any film, whether it’s your relationship to the characters or people or the context of environments, it naturally blends with your experience. It would be dramatic to say that there was no escaping it, and yet we were in it—we shot for 40 days or something, and I just kept thinking, Keep moving, keep going.

SC: This one was hard to leave on set. Every night I came home and hugged my kids a little tighter. My wife and I would talk every night about what we shot that day and how it felt and just the vibe. It didn’t feel like a job. We had to be invested in this because, beyond the fact that it’s a harrowing and relevant story, it’s true. These are real people. I definitely brought it home.

TG: On a lighter topic, there’s the film’s soundtrack: Nirvana, Neil Young, Fiddler on the Roof. It’s all over the place. Felix, how does music inform the story? And Steve and Timothée, as actors, how did you use music to creatively build out these roles?

FVG: The idea came from the books. Music was so important to David and Nic. There’s something beautiful about how it unites them. David mentions in his book a lot of songs that he can’t listen to anymore. So we put some of those songs in the movie. At some point my editor [Nico Leunen] and I wanted to use a classic film score together with songs, but then [Leunen] came up with the idea to drop the score and just use the songs. It made us take a risk.

SC: It’s a language that David and Nic used to speak to each other. As the addiction sets in, their relationship becomes frayed and that language does as well. Music is David’s bread and butter; these are the people he interviews. And he incorporates his son into that world at an early age—it’s both of their worlds.

‘ This one was hard to leave on set. Every night I came home and hugged my kids a little tighter. ’

TC: Yeah, music was a big part to Nic’s character. I remember we were shooting on the campus of USC, and we got into trouble because my portable speaker was playing “Heart-Shaped Box” too loudly. For Nic it was Nirvana; I was listening to Eminem when I was 5 or 6 years old, and it did feel important. It’s an effect of growing up in America, or the world, in a digital, consumerist age, that you’re communicated these messages of self-destruction and alienation.

TG: Timothée, you’ve played coming-of-age roles before, most notably as Elio in Call Me By Your Name. Elio is different from Nic, but they’re also both struggling with their identity. Did you take anything from that role and put it into this one?

TC: That’s a really good question. If there’s a through line it’s the immediacy and the urgency, the moment-to-moment visceral nature of what it is to be young. For Elio that’s a life circumstance that all of us should be so fortunate to go through, to fall in love, but also he’s coming to terms with his sexuality. For Nic, it’s facing this goliath of an obstacle, not only addiction but to one of the most powerful substances known to man.

TG: Did David and Nic give you all any advice?

SC: I didn’t meet Nic until we were shooting, but I met with David. He couldn’t have been more gracious. I think [he’s] very brave to even allow this movie to be made. There’s an incredible trust that he put into Felix and everyone involved that we’d get it at least marginally right. But he took a very hands-off approach with me.

TC: I went out with Nic and [his sister] Daisy to eat, and it was just as Steve said, the greatest gift I got from Nic was the confidence to be Nic. I felt an understanding. I think they understood our biggest goal and mission was to get their story right.

Felix van Groeningen PHOTO: MARK PECKMEZIAN FOR WSJ. MAGAZINE; STYLING BY EMMA WYMAN

FVG: But just in the authenticity and in the heart of it—we didn’t have an obligation to it. It’s not a biopic in that sense, and that’s an advantage, I guess.

TG: Steve, you’re also playing Donald Rumsfeld in Backseat and Mark Hogancamp in Marwen—what’s different about playing a real, living person as opposed to a fictional character?

SC: A fictional character leaves much more to the imagination in terms of the performance and development and backstory. One is complete invention, and the other is completely tethered to the real world. It’s not easier or harder to portray either. I’m really excited that David and Nic [are attending the premiere]. From time to time I would talk to David and ask, “How surreal does this feel to you?” There was one day we were doing a scene on the beach, and David and [his wife] Karen [Barbour] came to visit. It was a simple scene, nothing overly dramatic, but David was elated. He was so full of emotion. I could tell that it really hit him.

TG: What do you ultimately hope this movie communicates? What do you think the lasting impression will be?

FVG: It’s a harrowing story, but it’s a beautiful family. To see all of this happen in a family where there’s so much love and understanding makes it even more harrowing, maybe, but it’s a family that believes in unconditional love, and they use that as a way out.

TG: That’s a great note to end on. I do have one last question though, unrelated to the movie. Timothée, have you seen the Instagram account @chalametinart?

TC: Yes! [Laughs]

FVG: What is that?

TG: It’s an Instagram account where they photoshop Timothée into classic paintings.

FVG: Oh, yeah! Wasn’t there an account about just his hair, too?

SC: [Looking at @chalametinart on a phone] Oh, it’s beautiful. [To Timothée] Well, you have your selection of Christmas cards now. •

[junker-town]

Rhode Island could have 3 NFL Draft picks for the first time ever

Photo by Michael Shroyer/Getty Images

URI is no football hotbed, but the class of 2020 will make history.

The Texans selected Isaiah Coulter with the 171st overall pick in the 2020 NFL Draft. Kyle Murphy and Aaron Parker are still on the board. Here’s what Christian D’Andrea had to say about the URI trio ahead of the draft.

Rhode Island is not a hotbed for college football. The state has three Division I programs, but all are small-scale FCS operations. Since 2002, the state’s high schools have only produced 11 prospects who’ve signed scholarship offers from current FBS programs; the bulk landed at nearby UMass.

As a result, it’s been 34 years since a University of Rhode Island alum has heard his name called at the NFL Draft. But in 2020, three Rams could get the call.

Aaron Parker, Isaiah Coulter, and Kyle Murphy all played pivotal roles for a URI team that climbed into the FCS top 25 for the first time in more than a decade in 2018. Each earned an invite to the NFL Scouting Combine. URI, a program that had never sent anyone to the event, had more prospects in Indianapolis than schools like Arizona, Louisville, Oklahoma State, Stanford, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, and USC.

The Rams’ renaissance was unexpected and, if 2019’s 2-10 record is an indication, possibly brief. How did it happen ... and what can these three players who helped drag URI up from the bottom of the FCS ranks bring to the NFL?

URI’s top prospect in three decades could be found money in the NFL

Coulter passed up his final year of eligibility to enter this year’s draft. That would be a disaster for most URI players, but Coulter is far from typical. Though his college career got off to a slow start (18 catches as a freshman), he found a way to shine in the Rams’ highest-profile games the following two years. In three games against FBS competition — UConn, Ohio, and Virginia Tech — he racked up 21 catches for 361 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

That includes a 47-yard cornerback-dusting and subsequent adjustment against the Huskies. Coulter singled out this play as the best example of his abilities when we sat down at this year’s combine.

“I had a comeback and go,” Coulter told me. “Broke it down at 12 (yards downfield), then came back up with it.” That play covered nearly half the field — and it would have been a walk-in touchdown if his quarterback could have hit him in stride. Instead, the speedy wideout had to make an adjustment to keep URI alive in what became a shootout 56-49 loss.

His 72-catch, 1,039-yard, eight-touchdown campaign in 2019 helped convince scouts Coulter was Rhody’s top draft prospect. It also made him just the seventh player in URI history to post 1,000+ receiving yards in a season. He wouldn’t have had a chance to ink his name in that record book without the sixth man on that list: his cousin Parker. Visits to Kingston to watch a wideout who was like a brother helped convince Coulter the Rams were the right team for him.

While the younger receiver was proving himself as a prospect, Parker built his name as one of the best players in program history.

Parker was one of the top wide receivers in FCS

The Maryland high school star was a two-star recruit — the only other school to show sustained interest in him was Eastern Michigan, with whom he originally signed — who came to URI as a linebacker. Instead of bulking up when he got to campus, head coach Jim Fleming saw his potential as a playmaker. Parker led the Rams in receiving yards and touchdown catches as a true freshman.

Though Coulter, with his 6’2 frame and 4.45-second 40 time, may be the first Ram off the board thanks to his potential, Parker had the bigger impact in Kingston. His stature grew as he adapted to the high level of FCS play in the Colonial Athletic Association. He improved his reception and receiving yard numbers every year in the Rams’ offense. The arrival of his cousin as an NFL prospect helped free him from constant double coverage and helped him put together one of the FCS’ top individual senior seasons: 81 catches, 1,224 yards, and nine touchdowns in 2019.

His versatility shined through at Rhode Island, where he was big and fast enough to line up all over Fleming’s offense. Like Coulter, he broke through against FBS opponents: 21 catches, 336 yards, and a pair of touchdowns in those aforementioned games against Ohio, UConn, and Virginia Tech. Here he is in Athens, parting double coverage masterfully to adjust to a deep ball and set up a Rams field goal:

When it comes to the NFL, he sees himself as a hit-absorbing presence who can roast defensive backs from the a spot closer to the hashmarks.

“I would prefer slot,” Parker told me at the combine. “I like being in space with the linebackers and nickelbacks, going up against them, catching the ball — you know, I’m fearless across the middle. I got the linebacker background coming out of high school, so, you know, I don’t really mind the hits.”

Murphy helped make all this happen

Rhode Island benefited from two wideouts who could chase down deep balls, but the keystone to one of the best passing offenses in school history might have been Murphy. The versatile lineman — he started games at every position on the line except right guard — built his name as a two-time first-team All-CAA left tackle.

While he was a factor in the run game throughout his career, his biggest achievements came while clearing room for two very different passers behind him. The mobile JaJuan Lawson and the pocket-oriented Vito Priore created unique challenges to the URI front line, but Murphy wasn’t fazed.

“I have great chemistry with both of them,” Murphy explained in Indianapolis. “Trust is everything. I just trusted both of them and we just adapted to whatever situation we were in. I feel like my versatility is the biggest thing a lot of teams liked.”

As good as URI’s 2018 was, Murphy’s proudest accomplishment was propping up a passing offense that ranked 13th in FCS in passing yards per game in 2019. The Rams gave up just 26 sacks despite dialing up 531 passing plays: a rate of just 4.9 percent. That came despite a lineup filled with mostly anonymous, zero-star recruits and a limited rushing attack that effectively dared opponents to bring pressure.

“After my junior year, I gained a lot of experience,” Murphy noted when asked when he realized his talent could translate to an NFL career. “I became a leader on and off the field. My junior year, I really shined then. Everything just picked up from there.

“It doesn’t matter whether I get drafted, whether I’m a free agent. I just want to show my talents, show my versatility — show that I just belong.”

That could be at tackle or as a 6’3, 320-pound interior blocker. His NFL career may boil down to one team’s vision of where he’ll fit. If his URI experience is any indication, he’ll blossom no matter what position he takes.

Where could these three URI standouts be drafted?

It’s tough to glean much insight to this year’s pre-draft process thanks to the isolation required by the Covid-19 pandemic. Any gains the Rhode Island trio could have made in private workouts and interviews after the combine have been nullified by the fact everyone’s staying home through April.

That doesn’t mean they’ll be forgotten. Coulter made a major impression on longtime NFL scout Gil Brandt, who labeled him one of his three favorite prospects in a discussion with NBC’s Peter King. Parker didn’t test as well as his younger cousin, but his big, ever-improving production for the Rams could be enough to overcome those concerns.

The larger issue is they both play a position that’s loaded with talent in the 2020 NFL Draft. This spring could see 10-15 wideouts selected in the first two days of the draft, leaving high-ceiling projects like the Rhode Island duo to languish to Day 3 (or possibly later).

Murphy might have an even tougher path to the pros. Like Coulter and Parker, he’s part of a stacked class at his position; if teams are looking for small-school projects in Days 2 or 3, players like St. John’s Ben Bartch or South Carolina State’s Alex Taylor will likely jump him in line. It doesn’t help that he failed to stand out at the combine, finishing among the bottom 10 offensive linemen in multiple drills, including both the 40 and the bench press.

Still, Murphy’s a leader who broke through at an often overlooked program. Though his straight-line speed may be lacking, strong performances in the three-cone and 20-yard shuttle drills in Indianapolis prove he’s quicker than most 320-pounders out there. Writing him off, like he’d been as an unranked recruit, would be foolish now.

The trio leaves a legacy that will boost Rhode Island football even after their departure

The Rams’ escape from the CAA basement lasted just one season. URI went from four conference wins in 2018 to zero a year later, despite three potential draftees on the roster. Even so, the program’s departing stars are confident they’re leaving their former home in better shape than when they found it.

“We’re definitely getting more excitement and recruiting, especially since we’ve had three combine invites,” said Parker.

“It’s great to really put the university back on the map. It’s been overlooked for a while. Even though we haven’t had the record, we always had the talent. Creating a new culture there was a great experience.”

According to Coulter, 2018’s on-field gains helped push for new turf and lights that allowed night games in Kingston for the first time in modern program history. It’s an impact that isn’t lost on the potential Day 2 pick.

“We definitely changed things around a little bit. Getting people talking about [URI football].

“Knowing what they recruited me for — they wanted me to make plays. Knowing that I delivered, it feels good knowing I made a little mark there. Hopefully it keeps going, they keep getting good guys that can take them even higher.”

[rationaromanceblog]

Hurtles through weight loss: Part II

 Losing weight was supposed to be it, the problem solved. You just don’t diet forever the consensus being you would have a miserable life if you did. Everyone I grew up with seemed in agreeance that once the weight is gone you go back to ‘normal’. That logical fallacy is so obvious now, admitting I believed it for a decade feels foolish. On my search for answers I found a podcast that advocated for sustainable weight loss; If you can’t do it forever, don’t do it to lose weight. It interviewed women who kept off the weight they lost. Something, I  realized, I didn’t have an example of in real life. People I knew were either naturally thin, or perpetually dieting.

 The women interviewed shared their tricks and tactics. I learned a lot about the practical aspects of weight loss, and the various methodologies.  Until then to lose weight I just ran, cut back my eating and ate less junk food. The podcast introduced me to nutrition. It taught me that there was more to exercise than going on a jog.  Most importantly it reiterated sustainability, and lifestyle changes. Initially it was boggling. It was the first time I had to face what I believed and declare it wrong. There is no ‘going back to normal’ and dieting didn’t have to be miserable. The proof was in these women who were very happy and thriving. That shift in perspective changed everything. Implementing the ideology I lost 20lbs that I never found again. It was liberating.

But I wasn’t done. I yearned for the lean body I had when I first moved to Denver. I’d shown myself it was possible to be that thin and now I had proof it was possible to achieve permanently.  I dove head first into research. I learned anything and everything on diet culture, nutrition, biology, exercise. I loved the intricacies of it. I started to feel like a weight loss pro. But all that knowledge somehow meant little when I stepped on the scale. Something was still missing. 

 I was absentmindedly listening to the podcast when I was introduced to a new facet of this world. Something the woman speaking said struck me and I hit pause to try to register it. She made a comment about deprivation I had never heard before. It’s common to hear the advice Don’t feel deprived. Do whatever you have to do to avoid deprivation. Make sure you give yourself treats sometimes so you don’t feel deprived. It was a very common and accepted message, it made sense. Deprivation and weight loss often come hand and hand, if you can do something to manage the feeling, you’re more likely to continue on the journey, of course. But Brooke didn’t seem to agree with this. She said Feel deprived. What’s so bad about feeling deprived? It’s just a feeling in your body.  It was so shocking that I restarted the podcast so that I could understand better. 

Brooke is a life coach with her own podcast. It took me a long time to start listening to it since it wasn’t a weight loss podcast. Once I did start listening I found her message very hard to swallow, it took me a long time to take it seriously. She was suggesting that emotions can be processed and managed without acting on them, that we get to choose and control how we feel. That I should face my emotions head on and learn to recognize my thoughts. It was like she was speaking a different language. She might as well have been introducing me to quantum physics. Brooke encouraged her listeners to make bigger goals. But I had given up my real ones when I dropped out of college. They had become ‘it would be nice to’ sentences instead. Everything she said sounded like absolute drudgery. I couldn’t buy it for more than an interesting idea.I kept listening though. It tickled a part of my brain that liked the possibility it created. I was too busy enjoying my comforts to give them up like she suggested would benefit me. It took a second heartbreak to change that. 

 Kevin and I had been dating for 3 years when he broke up with me. He was going to be my future. We’d just moved into a luxury apartment in the city. I’d found a career with growth. We were settling into cohabitating wonderfully. We were entering an exciting new phase. But Kevin felt stagnant. Kevin was questioning why his dream and what we’d been working towards, moving to the city, wasn’t the answer to his misery. It must be my relationship he assumed. So on a January night, 3 months after signing our lease we broke up and I was left in shattered pieces. 

Suddenly everything Brooke said was the answer. I used Brooke’s tools to face myself like I hadn’t dared to.  With what felt like nothing to lose, I did the work I was avoiding. Full of knowledge and ready to implement I lost 30lbs in 2 months, the fastest I’d ever lost that much weight. It was scary and wonderful. This time I didn’t lose weight  to get revenge at Kevin or try to win him back. I used it to prove to myself that I was in control of my life.  

Kevin and I continued living together for the rest of our lease. With the same tools I was able to navigate the break up smoothly. I could feel love, patience and understanding along with the pain. During this time I learned how to overcome my anxiety, my lack of worth and self esteem. I stopped stalling away my ambitions. I became a new person, inside not just out.

About a year later, once I began to feel recovered from the break up, I recognized my pattern. I wasn’t being as discipline, I wasn’t making the choices I knew would keep the weight off. I went back and forth between wanting to enjoy treats and wanting  to stay very thin. I looked much healthier because I had learned to eat higher quality food and started exercising consistently, but I knew I could be doing better. 

I was doing a review of my year, to see what I had accomplished and what was left to do. I realized that losing weight was still on my list, it just never seemed to go away. Very frustrated with myself that I had all these tools and wisdom I was ready for this weight loss thing to be over once and for all. It kept taking up too much mental energy for too long, how do I end this? 

In my next search for answers Brenda became my life coach. In her program I started to see why I kept getting in my own way.  The fun in investing in a program is that I approached it with a strong sense of commitment, because otherwise I just wasted a bunch of money, and wasting a bunch of money was not an option. Being on her program gave me back momentum. I could go to her for clarity and insight. She was able to guide me through thoughts that I didn’t even recognize were still plaguing me. I was able to shift away from the guilt I had associated with weight and food. In one of the weeks Brenda’s lesson was about releasing guilt and perfection. She said You never have to feel bad about eating again. It brings you no benefit and releasing it is completely an option. I was walking on the sidewalk on my way somewhere and I started sobbing. All of my life, I had a strong sense that I was a bad person for not being able to figure  this out and for just being overweight. I was automatically less than. In that moment I realized I could just be. If I wanted to be thin that could be fine, but not something I needed to prove. 

At the end of the day, losing weight and maintaining weight loss is a skillset. I wish I had known this earlier. You practice and you fail and you get a little better and it gets a little easier and then you fail again and you learn a better technique and on and on. Embracing weight loss like this, made me want to keep getting up and keep trying because I could see that every time that I did, it became just a little bit easier than it was last time.

 There didn’t come a time where I found the one magical answer. Every new piece of information was another part of the large complicated puzzle. It did stop being this impending overwhelming mountain that I had to climb, however. I wanted to do it, even though I’d learned along the way there was no real imperative need to lose more weight as long as I felt healthy. Certainly, there were times when it went back to seeming dreadful and overwhelming. But there was something in me that didn’t want to give up and I respected that. I could handle dread and overwhelm. Along the way I became more self aware, confident, and evolved for having to struggle through this. I am glad I refused to give up my search for answers. That was the only way I could get past the garbage and to the answers that were right for me. 

[gryndboxstudios]

Artist Profile: Sigh

by Bryce Tinsdale

Let me start off by saying, Jon has been my fucking boy since like, my sophomore year in high school. Dude was in 8th grade, I met him through band. He’s been a day one since we met, which is why it’s my pleasure to get to ask him a couple questions, get inside his head, and share his work. Jon is one of my biggest inspirations as an artist and one very solid reason why I gained the courage to even try rapping. His lyricism is crazy, subject matter is on point, and his flows are solid. He started rapping at 16 I believe, dropped out of high school soon after, and has been posting on Soundcloud since. He’s a guy you wouldn’t regret following on there.

Whats your creative process look like when you’re starting to write a song?

To be completely honest, I'm constantly thinking of rhymes. If one sticks, I write it down somewhere - recently in a notebook or a scrap of paper. When I find a beat that I like I just listen to it over and over trying to find pockets, find my rhythm. From there I freestyle on it a couple times then move on to actually writing a full song.

What motivated you to start in music?

I've actually wanted to be an artist or entertainer since I was a kid. I used to love to sing and wanted to be the frontman in a band. I Always had this weird ambition to create alternate view points through music and literature. I grew up around a lot of different types of music and rap stood out in a special way to me so I decided to try my hand at it. It started out as me kinda just bullshitting to myself; a way to express my thoughts, but of course as I got better and got more encouragement to continue, I realized I could actually do something with it.

Did taking band in school influence your decision to start in music?

I wouldn't say to start, but it definitely broadened my horizons a little bit. Taking band gave me a little bit more insight and understanding into everything. Definitely solidified the idea that I wanted to do SOMETHING relating to music.

How much of your daily life is spent either making or thinking about your music, or music in general?

Man, fun fact, all I do is listen to music. I don't ever watch TV, I don't sleep much either so really, I'm always listening to music of some kind or writing. If I've got a song started I go back to it several times a day until it's finished, sometimes I won't add anything to it, just recite it in my head and even it out.

Have you ever considered branching out as far as style goes?

Yes! I actually think about it quite often. I've always said I wanted to start a side project or side channel. I'm really into jazz and old swing stuff, along with old rock and roll. I'd love to do R&B of some sort and indie/singer-songwriter type songs.

How has the criticism you gave yourself at your start different from the criticism you give yourself now?

Oh man, I'm an asshole to myself. Nothing's ever good enough for me. In the beginning I used to dog on myself about my voice, I felt it wasn't confident enough or energetic enough, I don't know. Over time that became less of an issue but I still pick at stuff like 'oh you're not lyrical enough', then it's 'you're trying too hard', 'your content matter is dark', just stuff like that that I tell myself. It actually used to stop me from writing pretty frequently, I would just kinda lock up cause it didn't feel good enough to me. Now if it don't feel good enough to me it usually becomes a throwaway and I'll reincorporate ideas or lines from those songs into better ones.

If not for making music, what could you see yourself doing?

That's really a tough one man... I used to write stories and shit when I was younger. Maybe that. Or an actor of some sort. I wanted to jump into the chemistry field until I discovered I'm HORRIBLE at math. Maybe a teacher of some sort. I love science and English a lot so it'd have to be something in those fields, but to be a hundred percent honest I've never thought too deeply into it. My plan B was to follow plan A.

What are some newer artists you like?

Kodak Black for sure be spitting that real. JuiceWRLD like a guilty pleasure to my ears I can't lie . Uzi's music be so damn high energy it's infectious. Lil Peep is nice too. Honestly a lot of newer music I listen to comes from cats on Soundcloud. Mavo and Dxct, really the whole MTPHSCS collective, Tytuus, Toxic, Sam Ryan, MANA, Convolk, Guardin, Whxami, Chester Watson, Steven Moses, Nothing Nowhere, Jetson, Na$ty. Soundcloud is just full of too many gems man.

How many songs did you make before you made one you were really proud of?

I'll put it like this, I lost 1 phone with over 100 notes in it before I even RECORDED my first song. Some of the songs I'm truly proud of, I haven't got to release yet. It took me so goddamn long to get to a point where I was like 'aight yeah this is good enough for me to put out' but proud of? Shit that took me even longer. The fucked up thing is I never realize it until it's out, I'm always like 'ahh man I coulda done this better or that better or changed this line'.

Whats the origin of your stage name?

Well originally, I went by Psilxcybin. When I was 16 I used to take and sell a lot of acid and mushrooms, my Instagram name when I released my first tape was Psilxcybin. I had never gotten into the process of thinking about my stage name, so when I finally went to release my tape it was kinda like, 'well you gotta call yourself something so why not this?'

Over the years I shortened it down to Psilx, then I wanted to just go by Psi. But instead of going by Psi I used the play on similar sounds and decided I would go by Sigh.

Whats been your biggest challenge as a musician so far?

I've had a real hectic home life since I was 15, so I never got the chance to invest in equipment and no one around me ever had any, so recording music is a constant challenge. Then getting it mixed becomes a battle of dealing with the collision of my vision, the engineers vision, and overcoming my perfectionism to settle on a final project. 

Other than that, realizing and accepting not everyone's gonna fuck with my music was a big eye opener but it offered relief too. I'm of the opinion that if someone likes my music it's for them and if they don't, screw 'em I got my own niche.

Do you have an end goal for your career or just going with the flow?

Right now I'm just going with the flow. I wanted to be bigger when I was starting out but then I realize I didn’t want the stress that comes with being super big. I'll take moderate success for now. My end goal I guess would be able to support myself off my art and use it to open doors to other avenues of revenue.

Would you want to land a deal or stay independent?

Honestly it, depends on my stage of artistry. If I'm at a point where I'm making music and making money off it I probably wouldn't. Deals are a sketchy subject man, when a label owns all the rights to your music it complicates a lot of shit. If you're not super star quality you end up getting shelved for $1,00,000 while the label keeps your masters. It's like back in the 50s 60s 70s, there's so many different variations of songs because the LABEL owned the songs so they'd jus give it to a new singer and have them perform it (examples: Stand By Me, Hallelujah)

Any advice for anyone that wants to start making music?

Yeah, don't think about it too heavily just fucking do it. Let everything else fall into place cause thinking too much will freeze you in your tracks.

Would you be open to starting a group or is solo the only way you’ll go?

Man I'd love to have a group. I grew up listening to a lot of Bone Thugz and 3 6 Mafia, so I've always found that aspect of rap cool, but having instrumentals produced with elements of live instruments is another fantasy of mine along with just doing other side projects/sounds. I could never count anything out with this music shit, that's for sure.

What are you working on now? Any big plans for the future?

I wanna drop a video this year and I've been saying for a year now that I was gonna drop a project, but at this point I think I'm just gonna drop the songs I have one at a time while I work on something else. A lot of singing in some of my new songs, definitely experimentation and trying out stuff I haven't really done before. I'm excited to show it all off.

You can follow Sigh on Soundcloud twitter IG 

also follow Gryndbox Studios for more cool shit like interviews, videos, reviews and much much more!

[sevralships]

“Just Because You Can” Part 6 of 7, Chapters 20-22

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7 FIN]

The Pines triplets, Mabel, Dipper, and Jolene, have always been best friends. But lately, there’s been some distance growing between the Mystery Kids, due in part to the forbidden feelings with which they are each struggling. How will they manage to see eye to eye, when torn between wanting each other and craving adventure?

(This is a new AU that I’ve been calling Jolene AU, devised by myself and @handleonthescandal​ after one of us asked the question “What if Mabel and Dipper were triplets but with another sister?”. Although this AU is similar, it is not connected to Double Dippin’ AU, and Jolene is in no way connected to Tyrone.)

Shoutout to @sirwaddlesesquire for being the trustiest squire and an insightful, helpful, and supportive beta.

Mostly SFW, mostly angst with some action/adventure and a little bit of fluff, tw incest

Fic under the cut, enjoy!

Chapter 20: The Elephant In the Car

“Oh this is great!” Dipper said hotly, smacking the steering wheel with both hands, “This is just fan-fucking-tastic!” They were only a couple miles from the exit to Lone Pine, California, but red brake lights stretched about as far as they could see, “Why the hell is there traffic this late anyway?!”

“Maybe there’s an accident or something?” Mabel offered, reasonably. Since when is my job to be the reasonable one?

“Pfft, fuckin’ accidents,” Dip scoffed, “I mean, how do they even allow half these lunatics on the road? These people are a menace--”

“A menace?” Mabel raised an eyebrow, “Dip, cool it. Any second now you’ll be chasing kids-these-days off your lawn.”

“But I mean, what’s really idiotic is this road,” Dipper’s knuckles were white from clenching the wheel, “These roads were never meant for this volume of traffic, I mean, only two stinking lanes each way?!”

“Dipper, honestly,” Mabel rolled her eyes, “You sound like a granny.”

“But I mean, why?” Dipper pressed, his tone growing more hysterical, “Why is this road only four lanes? Why was there an accident? Why is this happening?!”

“I don’t know, Dipstick,” Mabel said, in the closest thing to a soothing voice she could manage, “It’s oka--”

“Don’t you dare tell me it’s okay right now, Mabel,” Dipper spat, holding up his right hand to her in a stop motion, “Unless your definition of ‘okay’ includes our sister running headfirst into a grisly fucking death, I don’t wanna hear it!”

“Whoa, whoa, don’t yell at me!” Mabel bristled, “I didn’t design the stupid road!”

“Oh, c’mon, Mabel,” Dipper said, exasperated, “Don’t gimme the innocent act.”

“It’s not an act!” Mabel snapped, “This isn’t my fault!”

“I didn’t blame you, Mabe--”

“Oh, shut up,” Mabel rolled her eyes, “You’ve been blaming me since she left!”

“Oh, I have not!”

“Have to!” Mabel insisted petulantly.

“I’m telling you, I have not!”

“Since she left, you have been treating me like I’m the bad guy!”

“Well, she wouldn’t have left if--” Dipper began.

“There it is,” Mabel pointed at him, “Go ahead and say what you mean,” she gestured at the inching traffic, “We got time. She wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t what?” Dipper shifted uneasily in his seat, “Hadn’t kissed you?”

Dipper dragged in a long-suffering sigh through his nostrils, his eyes shut, “Yes, Mabel,” he admitted, softly, “She wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t kissed me.”

Mabel pushed down the icky rejection feelings his words planted in her chest, “Well, I’m sorry I kissed you then.” She said, stiffly, keeping her eyes on the license plate of the car in front of them.

She could feel Dipper’s eyes on her, but forced her gaze to remain forward, “Mabel, it just… Out of nowhere like that? You were yelling at me one second and then kissing me, and, I mean,” he dragged his hand through his hair anxiously, “You are my sister and--”

“You don’t need to spare my feelings,” She said, shaking her head, “It won’t happen again.”

“Wait, Mabes, no!” Dipper turned to her, frantically, looking away from the car-clotted road. His eyes were troubled, his face conflicted, “That’s not what I meant! That’s, uh,” he glanced down, “Not what I want, is that... what you want?”

Mabel couldn’t help but smile a little. She shook her head, “No, you nerd.” He met her eyes again, his mouth curling ever so slightly upwards, “That’s not what I want. Why the heck dya think I kissed you?”

“I dunno, I don’t really get a lot of what you do, sis,” Dipper admitted, drily.

“That’s fair, I guess,” Mabel said, but it wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for.

“I love you, Mabel,” Dipper said tentatively.

“I love you too, Dip,” Mabel grinned and leaned across the center console to plant a soft, decisive kiss on his lips. He pressed his lips against hers in eager agreement. For a brief moment, everything fell away. The worry about Jo, the anger and confusion, the honking of the cars caught in gridlock with them, it all disappeared. But the moment was indeed brief, too brief Mabel thought. She opened her eyes after their lips parted and met Dipper’s. She saw the same love and fear she felt mirrored back at her, and gave a small nod, “Okay, so that’s settled. We love each other and we like kissing.”

Dipper snorted a laugh, “We love each other and we like kissing, okay.” His smile soon wilted, “I’m sorry about the play.”

Mabel frowned, “That was really lame of you guys.”

“I know,” Dipper said, pulling the van up a few inches, “I know it was, and I really am sorry.”

“We got bigger fish to fry,” Mabel changed the subject, we can talk about the play later. Dipper grimaced, never one for confrontation of any sort, “So we love each other and we like kissing, but we should maybe return to the elephant in the car that you so kindly brought up.” Dipper raised an eyebrow. Mabel rolled her eyes, “I’m your sister.”

“Oh, that elephant,” Dipper said grimly.

“How many elephants dya think are in here?” Mabel teased, looking around the van’s interior, the couch and garment racks, and amplifier holding no answers. Dipper snorted, “Anyway,” Mabel continued, “I, uh, love you and stuff and the sibling thing is weird ‘n’ all, but I’m like, okay with it, I guess? But obviously Jo-jo isn’t, and like, we can’t just do something this bonkers if she’s not okay with it. And it’s a little too late to hide it from her, but that probably wouldn’t have worked anywho.”

“I don’t want to hide anything from Jo, ever,” Dipper agreed, his tone grown a bit sullen.

“I mean, I can’t blame her for being freaked by incest, though,” Mabel conceded.

Dipper shook his head, “I don’t know if that’s what she’s upset about.”

Mabel scoffed, “Oh, c’mon, Dip. If I didn’t feel it, I’d be freaked out too. Shoot, it freaks me out a little and I do feel it.”

“Well, that’s just it, Mabes,” Dipper inched a little closer to the bumper of the car ahead of them, “I’m pretty sure Jo does feel it.”

Mabel felt the blood drain from her face, “Say what?”

“Well, uhm, before you got home,” Dipper fidgeted uncomfortably in the driver’s seat, “We were both, um, like really amped about the...interview,” Dipper said the word quietly, trying to soften the blow, but it stung Mabel nonetheless, “And we uhh, almost… well, kissed.”

For a silent moment, Mabel blinked at the sea of red brake lights, trying to process what Dipper had just said. She was the one he really wanted, you’re just his second choice. Tears prickled Mabel’s eyes again and she looked out her window, as if fascinated by the minivan in the finally-moving lane to their right, “You almost kissed her, or she almost kissed you?”

“Well, kinda both,” Dipper said, sounding a little unsure, “I think.”

“You think?” Mabel’s voice was sharper than intended.

“No, no, I’m sure,” Dipper grumbled, “She wanted to kiss me and I wanted to kiss her.”

Jealousy poured molten hot into Mabel’s stomach. While she was driving home, tearful and angry, while she was parking and glaring at the light in Dipper’s window...that’s what had been happening? They’d been excited, they’d been celebrating, they’d been almost kissing, “You wanted to kiss her.” she echoed.

Dipper picked up on Mabel’s jealousy then, “Mabel, no…”

Jo’s words rang in her sister’s head, coulda sworn being excited nearly had the same effect! Guess anything might inspire some sister-smooching! She looked at Dipper sharply, as he pulled up impatiently, the traffic finally loosening up a little at a time. No sooner had the words formed in her head than she was speaking them, “Dipper, is it really me you want, or her?”

Dipper’s heart ached at Mabel’s inevitable and unanswerable question, “It’s not like that, Mabes,” he tried to explain, “It’s both of you, it’s always been both of you.”

Both of us? That had never occurred to her. All this time, she’d wondered and feared how, in the unlikely event that anything like this could come to pass, Dipper would have to choose one sister over the other. All this time, she had been thinking of Jolene as a friend and sometime-adversary, trying not to notice how beautiful she was, how smart, how vibrant. How she blushed and sweated around her, how she could hardly keep her eyes away when she got undressed, how incredibly cute the noises were that she made in her sleep. “Holy shit,” Mabel muttered out loud. She’d known that the way she thought about her sister was unusual, but it had seemed like small potatoes compared to her high-octane crush on her bro. Yet suddenly it was unbelievable that she hadn’t realized the nature of these feelings for Jolene before. It had been different with Dipper, maybe because of that first summer in Gravity Falls, maybe because he was a boy, she had recognized what she felt early on. She’d been so busy seeing Jo as competition, hating her unique closeness with Dipper, hating the ways their differing appearance favored Jo, she hadn’t realized Jo might be seeing her the same way, or seeing Dipper as competition for me. She dropped her head in her hands, “Holyshit, holyshit, holy-guacamoley-bowls-o-shit.”

“...Mabel?” Dipper asked cautiously, unsure if Mabel was angry with him.

“Dipper,” Mabel said, desperately, reaching for his hand. He gave it to her without hesitation and she squeezed hard enough to make him wince.

“Mabes, what’s going on in there?”

“I think I love Jo,” she whispered.

Dipper felt a stab of jealousy, ohh now I get it, “You…”

Mabel picked up on his uncertainty, “No, no, Dip, I love you too. Of course, I love you.” she managed a watery smile at him, “Both of you. I get it. I get it.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, “Ohmygolly, we are such a mess.”

“A psychiatrist’s field day, I know,” Dipper’s heart soared at the sound of Mabel’s laugh at his comment.

“We both love each other, and we both love her,” Mabel stated, a little stunned.

“I have a feeling she doesn’t know the latter,” Dipper said, his brow furrowing.

“Well, we’ll just have to go tell her then.” Mabel said, in a sure tone, wiping the tears from her face, grateful that the traffic was finally letting up. She had something important to tell her sister and it couldn’t wait.

Chapter 21: Lone Pine Mountain

It was a hard rocky climb, and Jo was thankful for the flashlight she always kept in her pack. Even with its help, it was a treacherous hike. Dipper never would have considered this climb at night, she knew, because Dipper’s smart. She shook the thoughts of Dipper away, reminding herself that he was not beside her and he likely never would be again. She just focused on the path, or what passed for one. Jo was weary, but she could tell the summit wasn’t far off now. She had that sense one has just before a peak, of the sky getting bigger and the land shrinking before them.

Much as Jolene tried to focus on the task at hand, tried to push away the cacophony of her thoughts, it was inescapable. Tears kept blurring her vision, making it difficult to tell where the best footholds were. She had slipped and mis-stepped countless times, leaving her ankles sore, her knees and palms stinging with scrapes. But however she pushed her thoughts away and tried to swipe away her inconvenient tears, they kept creeping back. One moment she’d be seeing the beam of her flashlight across the stony terrain, and the next it was as if she was transported back to her childhood home, watching that kiss. The way Dipper’s hand tightened on Mabel’s dainty little waist, the way Mabel’s cheeks flushed prettily as the kiss deepened. They had looked so strangely natural, like two puzzle pieces made to fit together. Jo slipped again, catching herself again on her skinned palms, hearing the pebbles clattering down the steep descent behind her.

She realized she was actually much steadier crawling and so she moved ahead that way. She could feel the wetness of blood on her hands and knees from the jagged bedrock, but didn’t much care. The immediacy of the physical pain gave her something to focus on, drawing her mind just a little bit further from Dipper and Mabel’s kiss. There was something comforting about pain of the body, as compared to the unmanageable pain of the soul.

With a suddenness that surprised her into a smile, Jo realized she was no longer ascending. The steepness had given way to fairly even ground. She stood up, wobbling a little at being back on her feet and turned in a circle a couple times, sweeping the flashlight across her surroundings to get her bearings. She had finally reached the summit, or at least one of the lower landings around the highest point. It was sparse, mostly rocky and open, with some scrubby bushes and a few weathered pine trees, tall, black, and austere in the dim light. It was quiet, apart from the occasional whisper of wind through the pine needles, as if even the trees here were holding their breath.

The moonlight illuminated more evenly and Jolene shut off her flashlight to conserve energy, blinking rapidly to get her eyes to adjust. Dipper would be proud of that kinda foresight, she thought before she could help herself, slipping the flashlight into her back pocket. It was easy enough to push Mabel from her mind in this situation, but exploring like this without Dipper was strange. She’d practically never gone on any sort of Mystery Hunt without him, although he’d gone on plenty without her that first summer in Oregon. As always, a pit of envy and exclusion bubbled in her stomach thinking of that summer. Up here alone with the pine trees, she could almost pretend she was in the Oregon hills, seeking monsters from the entries in Grunkle Ford’s old journals and about to run into Bill Cipher around any corner.

“Stopit,stopit,stopit,” Jolene scolded herself, hating how pathetic her tearful whisper sounded in the still of the night. Stop thinking about Dipper, stop thinking about Gravity Falls, and for fuck’s sake, stop thinking about Bill Cipher! There were many dangers in these hills, but Bill Cipher was not among them. Dwelling on him now would do her no good, just as it never had.

Jo wiped the grit and blood off of her palms onto her shorts. What now? She asked herself, surprised to find herself wishing for one of Dipper’s plans. She took a few more steps and halted. Her breath was coming a little heavy from the steep climb, but she found it wasn’t slowing, rattling unevenly out of her. It was catching up with her, all of it. She’d driven here fast and reckless, her foot demanding the gas pedal put more distance between her and her problems. She’d climbed in a fever, desperately scrambling up, zigzagging along the rockface in hopes she’d shake the pain that was following close behind. But she had stopped running now for the first time in all the hours since she’d fled, and she couldn’t outrun it anymore.

The tears hit her hard, tearing through the center of her like a blast from a shotgun. An agonizing certainty flooded her that everything of value was over. A lifetime of friendship and longing bubbled over in her, all bitter with the burnt taste of loss. Gone, they’re gone, they’re gone. She didn’t realize how violently she was shaking until she felt her raw knees hit the ground. She hugged herself hard, trying to hold herself together, feeling as though her body would be torn asunder by the sheer force of emotion within her. Since running from home, Jo had been trying so hard to escape the breakdown ticking away like a timebomb inside her, but now that it had detonated there was too much, far too much all at once. I’m meaningless, it screamed at her, I have always been superfluous, I have always been the other triplet, I have always been nothing. She could hear herself wailing, the heartwrenched sound eerie in the quiet of the mountaintop. What was the use? Why love so deeply when it opened you up to being infected by pain like this? There was no longer any avoiding the kiss she had seen Mabel and Dipper share. They love each other, she knew with a brutal finality, and they are complete without me.

As the weight of that realization truly sank over Jo, weighing down her shoulders, her sobs quieted. There was no reason left to cry. They were lost to her, and there was no reason to keep fighting. Jo covered her face with her hands, her tears stinging against her cuts. She held her breath for a moment, trying in vain to still the throbbing of her heart.

With a sudden prickling at the back of her neck Jolene knew something was wrong. She didn’t realize why at first. She saw nothing in the darkness behind her hands. But the trees were making a different sound now, not the whispering rustle of pine needles but a softly sinister swish. A hiss broke the silence, and she knew. It was no hiss an animal should make. Not the hiss of a cat, or even of a snake. It was the sound of menace itself given flesh.

Jo realized the swishing was not the trees, not the wind, but the sound of feathers, bristling, spreading, settling. They’re real! She thought, with an intoxicating rush of satisfaction, that she was witnessing what no one had proven. What no one survived to prove, Dipper’s voice reminded her sternly in her head. For an instant, Jo embraced the idea that she was among them, one of those who had climbed this mountain, met these monsters, met their demise. That the knowledge of them would die with her, just like countless others. But the resignation gave way nearly at once to a force far more powerful.

I’m not ready, she knew with sudden clarity, I don’t want to die. I want to get away, I want to go home! She raised her face, as if woken and startled from sleep, her eyes met with dark figures, larger than she had imagined. Her eyes adjusted, identifying fangs, feathers, talons. I’m going home in one piece. She resolved stubbornly, And I’m getting a picture before I go.

She cried out in surprise as something sliced into her shoulder. As she pulled away on reflex, she felt the weight of her pack shift, the strap on her injured shoulder severed by whatever cut her, a talon most likely, she deduced in her head. She looked around, seeking a gap between the shadowy creatures closing in around her, I’m getting home, she rose to her feet, but not if I’m dinner.

Chapter 22: Preternatural

“I cannot believe we’re doing this in the dark,” Dipper muttered for the umpteenth time. He could hear Mabel close in front of him. She was breathing heavy, grunting with every few steps. In their eagerness to get on the road, to follow Jo, Mabel had forgotten to consider the suitability of her footwear. Dipper’s flashlight was lending a little bit of assistance, but there were no two ways around the fact that flimsy ballet flats with no treads on the soles were dangerous shoes to climb a mountain in. “I cannot believe we’re doing this in the da--”

“Will you please shut your pie-hole, Dipdot?” Mabel interrupted irritably, halting and shooting him a sharp look over her shoulder, before her expression softened and she grumbled an apology.

“No, I’m sorry, Mabes,” Dipper said, honestly contrite and honestly pretty terrified, “But I just... really cannot believe we’re doing something this stupid.”

Mabel sighed and squeezed Dipper’s free hand, “I know, all those years of dorktastic lists and here you are being impulsive. But it’s for Jo-jo.”

Dipper nodded, relenting. Mabel started walking again and he followed suit, saying to her back, “I think we’re almost at the summit.”

“That’s good!” Mabel said, her enthusiasm not very convincing through the small groans of pain.

The summit is where we’ll find the Devils, if they are in fact real, Dipper considered, his heart quickening instantly at the prospect of danger so close at hand, and whether they are real is a crazy gamble. But he knew, with a certainty that scared him more than the Lone Pine Mountain Devils, that his sister needed him. He had felt both triumphant and discouraged when he parked the school van beside the Chariot. Until seeing the familiar vehicle, there had been a small shred of hope that maybe he was wrong, that maybe Jolene hadn’t come here, that maybe she was somewhere safer.

“Your silence does not inspire confidence, Dip,” Mabel chided, trying to sound like she wasn’t really frightened.

“It is good, Mabel,” Dipper said, far too late to inspire any confidence whatsoever, “It’s just also…”

“Bad.” Mabel finished, “It’s also bad.”

Dipper nodded, even though her back was to him and she couldn’t see, “On the bright side,” he said, glancing up at the dizzyingly pitch black sky, “The sun will rise before too long.”

“Bright side?? HA!” Mabel blew a raspberry, “I get it, a daylight pun. Nice one.”

“Okay, sure,” Dipper said, but couldn’t resist a chuckle. Mabel’s ability to see good news and laughter in such a bleak situation warmed him more than he could say. Was climbing a mountain in the dark without a map or gear to save their hysterical sister from nightmarish monsters insane? Certifiably. But he had Mabel and her impossible optimism to buoy him above his own terror. And she loves me, he reminded himself, a vast migration of butterflies flying through him. She loves me. And if it’s possible that my amazing, colorful, out-of-my-fucking-league sister can love me back, then hell, anything can happen.

As if on cue, said amazing, colorful sister whooped in excitement. The sound instantly pulled Dipper out of his own head, “Yo, bro-bro!” Mabel exclaimed, “This sure as shitake looks like a summit to me!”

Dipper hurried a few steps to reach her and both dread and relief swelled in his chest. Definitely a summit of some sort, they had reached a relatively flat area dotted with bushes and tall pine trees like silent, black sentinels. It was hard to tell in the dark how far it extended in any given direction, and Dipper wished fervently that the sun would rise already. He wasn’t afraid of the dark at all, but when the darkness potentially held bloodthirsty monsters, it took on a decidedly scarier quality. Dipper placed a hand on Mabel’s shoulder, “Stay close to me, Mabes,” he said, panning the beam of his flashlight across the terrain before them, “We’re safer if we don’t split up.”

“Aye-aye, cap’n,” Mabel joked, her hand finding Dipper’s again and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “The buddy system has never failed us yet.”

He squeezed Mabel’s hand gratefully, “I won’t let anything happen to you, Mabel,” he said gravely.

“Aw, you dorkus,” Mabel nudged an elbow into his side, “Haven’t you had enough sentimental mushy stuff for one night?”

“I dunnoooo,” Dipper couldn’t help shooting her a smile in the darkness, “If sentimental mushy stuff is what we’ve been doing, I think I’m developing a taste for it.”

Mabel laughed, “Okay, casanova, let’s save our sister first and then we can sentimentally mush till the cows come home.”

“Ha, okay, sounds like a plan,” Dipper agreed.

“High praise,” Mabel teased, “From the nerd who loves his plans so much.”

Dipper snorted a laugh, making no move to deny the jab. I could really go for a plan right about now, he admitted to himself, ‘the buddy system’ isn’t quite as sophisticated a plan as I would like. But he knew Mabel was right, the buddy system had never failed them. We’ve never failed each other, he told himself, and tonight was no time to start. If we could survive that first summer in Gravity Falls, he considered, we can handle some birds of prey.

“But, soft, Sir Plans-a-lot,” Mabel said, her grin audible through her mock-proper tone, “What dost thou thinketh we shalt do hence?”

“Sir Plans-a-lot?” Dipper repeated, unable to restrain the tone of admiration in his voice, “That’s a good one, Mabes.”

“Answer the question, Plans-a-lot,” Mabel needled, “What we doin’ hence?”

“...That means ‘next’, right?” Dipper clarified.

“Aye, Dipstick, verily,” Mabel said, a slight edge to her voice, “If you’d had a nice refresher on your Shakespeare earlier, ya might know that.”

“Okay, okay, message received,” Dipper replied, guilt lapping at the edges of his mind. There was no time to dwell on the Twelfth Night mishap at present, but he knew that if they got back home intact, there would be at least a week of apology favors to do. He wondered absently if apology favors would take on a different meaning in light of his and Mabel’s newfound shared feelings, but put the thought out of his mind. We’re going to get home, and I’ll worry about that then. For now...what next? And his own words, ludicrously formal, popped into his mind, ‘4B2, screen for evidence of preternatural presence’. The Lone Pine Mountain Devils were about a zillion times more dangerous and more unpredictable than Tahoe Tessie, but it seemed the inevitable next step, “Next, or hence, I guess, we should screen for evidence of preternatural presence… or Jolene.” he added. Finding Jo before the Devils would be ideal.

Mabel and Dipper lapsed into silence, walking tentatively forward. Everything is spooky as heck, Mabel thought, How are we supposed to know what the ‘preternatural’ bits are? She knew Dipper must be scared, he didn’t even like going to the mall without a plan, but he seemed calm. No doubt his mind was going a hundred miles a minute, but he wasn’t really showing it. I don’t know how he does this adventure junk, Mabel thought, trying to ignore the pain in her feet and ankles. Calling this place ‘spooky as heck’ was an understatement. Mabel had just about exhausted her reserve of humor and found herself focused simply keeping her fear at bay. Jo is here, she told herself firmly, And we’re going to find her and bring her home. No spookiness can come between the Mystery Kids.

All of Mabel’s resolve went out the window when her foot landed on something that gave a sickening, brittle snap. She felt its echo in her own bones, through the thin sole of her shoe, and knew with a nauseous certainty what it was before the illumination of Dipper’s flashlight could reveal it. Her shriek was out of her before she could think, the splintered tibia, the crumbling rows of ribs, the blindly staring skull a brilliant white. On instinct, Mabel had grabbed Dipper and he clutched her securely to his side as he swept the light around, counting softly against her forehead.

“Th-that was a person, Dipper,” Mabel pointed out superfluously.

“Yes,” Dipper agreed distractedly, “One of eight, by my count. And I know who they are.” There was a slightly vindicated tone to his voice, as if he were relieved they were real, that angered Mabel.

“Cut it out!” Mabel wrenched herself from his side, “Don’t sound so happy about it!”

“Mabes, please, I’m not happy I--”

Dipper’s words were interrupted by an infernal hiss that froze Mabel’s blood in her veins. He saw it, but she didn’t, in the instant before he shut off his flashlight. His hand grabbed herself, and they were running. Mabel’s toes were curled in his shoes, trying desperately not to lose them. In their aimlessness, they knocked into the sap-sticky trunk of one of the looming pines, “Climb,” Dipper breathed, practically inaudible, and without question, Mabel obeyed.

Continue to Part 7

[samuelpboswell]

CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing

Few things are more inspiring than the before-and-after weight loss photo: two drastically different figures juxtaposed against one another, usually connected by an impossibly short span of time.

It’s not just the physical transformation that is striking in these portrayals. Even more so, it’s the mental transformation. Something clicked in that person’s head, causing them to fully commit and make the difficult changes necessary to turn their goals into reality. Then, they did it.

Branding expert Tamsen Webster saw this dynamic play out, in various forms, time and time again during her many years as a leader in the Weight Watchers organization. And it’s a big part of what drove her to create Red Thread, a messaging framework focused on tapping into those deep, uniquely human motivations that spark action (or, as she puts it, make inaction impossible).

At Content Marketing World in September, Tamsen will speak about How to Make Your Ideas Irresistible. In anticipation of her session, we chatted with her about uncovering shared values with your audience, eliminating “one-size-fits-most” messaging, and aiming to change perspectives rather than beliefs.

What does your role as Founder and Chief Messaging Strategist at Find the Red Thread entail? What are your main areas of focus and key priorities?

Well, the nice thing about being a solo practice is that it means what I need it to mean at the time! My days are spent in a mix of work with clients, business development, and product/content development – I go where my energy, inspiration, and needs take me.

How would you succinctly describe the “Red Thread Method” and why it makes sense for today’s content marketers?

We can’t change what people do until we change how they see. The Red Thread Method helps you uncover that link for a particular audience and business goal so you can build content and messaging around it.

What did your experience as a Weight Watchers leader teach you about the fundamentals of creating irresistible messaging?

Pretty much everything. I know that sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Week in, week out at Weight Watchers, I saw what did and didn’t move people to make changes – what kinds of information they needed, and in what combination. When I took those lessons and looked at the marketing around me (including marketing I had helped produce!), I realized how often we focused on what we wanted people to do differently more than what they needed to hear to see the differently. Once I started switching my marketing to match the framework of messaging I built for myself at Weight Watchers, lo and behold, I became a much more effective marketer.

How can marketers stop seeing change as a barrier and start seeing it as an opportunity? What’s required to drive this shift in mindset?

That all depends on why they see change as a barrier in the first place. The only thing that will shift that mindset is understanding how it puts both something marketers want and something they believe is in jeopardy. For example, if a marketer wants to be seen as an expert in social channels, they likely see change in those areas as something to be overcome – the constantly shifting landscape makes it impossible to expert in all things all the time. If they also believe, however, that “the only constant is change,” making inaction impossible: they’ll either need to change their goal, their attitude toward change, or how they go about being seen as an expert. The key is always in finding that combination of wants and beliefs that makes inaction impossible.

Some find it counterintuitive that in order to increase your reach and impact, you need to narrow your message. Why is this important in today’s environment?

It’s all about fit for the message. Think about the last time you bought something that was “one size fits all.” Did it fit? Probably yes – you could get into it. Depending on your size it was cavernous, achingly tight, or in the category of “this’ll do.” But did fit like it was yours? Could you identify it blindfolded? Of course not. Now imagine you’ve had something tailored to fit you – like a jacket or a pair of pants. Done well, it should fit like a glove. If you put it on, you’d know instantly that it belonged to you.

Messages operate the same way. We way we want customers to feel a part of the brand. We want them to feel like the brand belongs to them. But then too often we send out “one size fits most” messages… and wonder why we don’t get that sense of belonging that’s a hallmark of great brands.

Your brand is not for everyone. It isn’t. It’s for the people who want something you can help them get, who value the same things you do, and who see the world the same way you do. And that’s not everyone. Full stop.

How do the tenets of giving great presentations and speaking sessions apply to the bigger picture of content marketing?

Any truly great presentation doesn’t just inform and inspire… it implants a new way of seeing. It gives you something that you can’t unhear. Something that creates a permanent shift in thinking, and thus in behavior. Most content marketing doesn’t need to inspire (at least not in the go-climb-a-mountain or be-your-best-self sense), but it does need to create that same shift.

I’ll say it again: you can’t change what people do until you change how they see. There’s no better example than TED Talks that a very short piece of content can do just that. (The longest TED Talks are only about 2500 words – not long!) The more content marketers can adopt those lessons from great talks, the more powerful their messages will be, no matter the subject.

But hear me on this: those lessons aren’t just the surface things like “give it an SEO-friendly title” or “tell a personal story.” Both of those techniques can be helpful.

But the lessons marketers really need to learn are around where the greatest levers in messaging are. And here’s what’s counterintuitive: the most powerful levers at our disposal are the ones that don’t move – people’s wants and beliefs. Yet so much of marketing focuses on trying to get people to want something they don’t actively want or believe something they don’t currently believe. The only things we’re likely to change in the short term are perspectives. And that’s what great talks – and great content in any form – do.

Looking back, is there a particular moment or juncture in your career that you view as transformative? What takeaways could other marketers learn and apply?

It started with a mystery. See, I spent the first 15 years or so of my marketing career working in and with nonprofits. Here in Boston, where I live, those nonprofits share a lot of donors. What was fascinating to me: why would one donor give to so many different organizations? And what tied those different organizations together in the donor’s mind? Was there a pattern I could see?

I wanted to know the answer to that question because, at the time, I was in charge of the fundraising communication strategy at Harvard Medical School – and convincing people to give one of the world’s richest institutions even more money was a none-too-simple challenge. I’ll spare you the whole story, but what I discovered was this: while there wasn’t a usable pattern for why people gave money at all (that could range from self-serving to altruistic), there was something I discovered I could use.

There was a pattern to what kinds of things they gave money to – even across very different nonprofits. There was a pattern to what they wanted to accomplish through their gifts. So, for instance, if someone tended to give money at one institution to solve a specific problem (say, to a hospital help cure cancer), they tended to always give to solve a problem (to a museum to improve access for underserved youth). If they gave at one institution to expand the scope of impact, they tended to always give to expand the scope of impact, etc.

Once I figured that out, it became simply a matter of putting what we did at the Medical School into terms that matched what they were looking for. I could, for instance, take the same need we had at the medical school (say, to fund a new type of high-powered microscope) and frame it through multiple lenses. It could help solve a specific problem (age-related hearing loss), it could help expand scope (because it could help us understand the mechanisms that caused hearing loss), it could improve training of medical students (because they could better see the mechanisms in questions).

The lesson for all marketers is this: what people want tells you what they’re looking for out in the world. Our job isn’t to shift their attention to something new. It’s to show people how we fit in that existing line of vision.

Which speaker presentations are you looking forward to most at Content Marketing World 2018?

Tina Fey, of course. The panel on longform content with Ann Handley, Mitch Joel, and Dorie Clark looks amazing. I’d love to see Brian Massey and his talk on behavioral science talk, since I’m such a junkie for that stuff. Ahava Leibtag’s session on lessons from songwriters is sure to be great, too. I wish I could see Kathy Klotz-Guest – she has such amazing content and I’ve yet to see her speak in person (but she and I are speaking at the same time!). I’m also excited to Nichole Kelly coming back on the speaking scene, and with an important perspective – something she calls “conscious marketing.”

Follow the Thread

We really appreciate Tamsen sharing these thoughtful and substantive responses. Make sure to catch her live on September 6th in Cleveland; although she writes eloquently, there really is no substitute for the energy and passion she brings onstage.

She’ll be joined at CMWorld by dozens of other speakers. You find thought-provoking nuggets from her and many others by exploring the slides below.

These insights probably won’t change your fundamental beliefs… but they just might change your perspective.

Gain a competitive advantage by subscribing to the TopRank® Online Marketing Newsletter.

© Online Marketing Blog - TopRank®, 2018. | CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing | http://www.toprankblog.com

The post CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing appeared first on Online Marketing Blog - TopRank®.

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[itswomanswork]

CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing

Few things are more inspiring than the before-and-after weight loss photo: two drastically different figures juxtaposed against one another, usually connected by an impossibly short span of time.

It’s not just the physical transformation that is striking in these portrayals. Even more so, it’s the mental transformation. Something clicked in that person’s head, causing them to fully commit and make the difficult changes necessary to turn their goals into reality. Then, they did it.

Branding expert Tamsen Webster saw this dynamic play out, in various forms, time and time again during her many years as a leader in the Weight Watchers organization. And it’s a big part of what drove her to create Red Thread, a messaging framework focused on tapping into those deep, uniquely human motivations that spark action (or, as she puts it, make inaction impossible).

At Content Marketing World in September, Tamsen will speak about How to Make Your Ideas Irresistible. In anticipation of her session, we chatted with her about uncovering shared values with your audience, eliminating “one-size-fits-most” messaging, and aiming to change perspectives rather than beliefs.

What does your role as Founder and Chief Messaging Strategist at Find the Red Thread entail? What are your main areas of focus and key priorities?

Well, the nice thing about being a solo practice is that it means what I need it to mean at the time! My days are spent in a mix of work with clients, business development, and product/content development – I go where my energy, inspiration, and needs take me.

How would you succinctly describe the “Red Thread Method” and why it makes sense for today’s content marketers?

We can’t change what people do until we change how they see. The Red Thread Method helps you uncover that link for a particular audience and business goal so you can build content and messaging around it.

What did your experience as a Weight Watchers leader teach you about the fundamentals of creating irresistible messaging?

Pretty much everything. I know that sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Week in, week out at Weight Watchers, I saw what did and didn’t move people to make changes – what kinds of information they needed, and in what combination. When I took those lessons and looked at the marketing around me (including marketing I had helped produce!), I realized how often we focused on what we wanted people to do differently more than what they needed to hear to see the differently. Once I started switching my marketing to match the framework of messaging I built for myself at Weight Watchers, lo and behold, I became a much more effective marketer.

How can marketers stop seeing change as a barrier and start seeing it as an opportunity? What’s required to drive this shift in mindset?

That all depends on why they see change as a barrier in the first place. The only thing that will shift that mindset is understanding how it puts both something marketers want and something they believe is in jeopardy. For example, if a marketer wants to be seen as an expert in social channels, they likely see change in those areas as something to be overcome – the constantly shifting landscape makes it impossible to expert in all things all the time. If they also believe, however, that “the only constant is change,” making inaction impossible: they’ll either need to change their goal, their attitude toward change, or how they go about being seen as an expert. The key is always in finding that combination of wants and beliefs that makes inaction impossible.

Some find it counterintuitive that in order to increase your reach and impact, you need to narrow your message. Why is this important in today’s environment?

It’s all about fit for the message. Think about the last time you bought something that was “one size fits all.” Did it fit? Probably yes – you could get into it. Depending on your size it was cavernous, achingly tight, or in the category of “this’ll do.” But did fit like it was yours? Could you identify it blindfolded? Of course not. Now imagine you’ve had something tailored to fit you – like a jacket or a pair of pants. Done well, it should fit like a glove. If you put it on, you’d know instantly that it belonged to you.

Messages operate the same way. We way we want customers to feel a part of the brand. We want them to feel like the brand belongs to them. But then too often we send out “one size fits most” messages… and wonder why we don’t get that sense of belonging that’s a hallmark of great brands.

Your brand is not for everyone. It isn’t. It’s for the people who want something you can help them get, who value the same things you do, and who see the world the same way you do. And that’s not everyone. Full stop.

How do the tenets of giving great presentations and speaking sessions apply to the bigger picture of content marketing?

Any truly great presentation doesn’t just inform and inspire… it implants a new way of seeing. It gives you something that you can’t unhear. Something that creates a permanent shift in thinking, and thus in behavior. Most content marketing doesn’t need to inspire (at least not in the go-climb-a-mountain or be-your-best-self sense), but it does need to create that same shift.

I’ll say it again: you can’t change what people do until you change how they see. There’s no better example than TED Talks that a very short piece of content can do just that. (The longest TED Talks are only about 2500 words – not long!) The more content marketers can adopt those lessons from great talks, the more powerful their messages will be, no matter the subject.

But hear me on this: those lessons aren’t just the surface things like “give it an SEO-friendly title” or “tell a personal story.” Both of those techniques can be helpful.

But the lessons marketers really need to learn are around where the greatest levers in messaging are. And here’s what’s counterintuitive: the most powerful levers at our disposal are the ones that don’t move – people’s wants and beliefs. Yet so much of marketing focuses on trying to get people to want something they don’t actively want or believe something they don’t currently believe. The only things we’re likely to change in the short term are perspectives. And that’s what great talks – and great content in any form – do.

Looking back, is there a particular moment or juncture in your career that you view as transformative? What takeaways could other marketers learn and apply?

It started with a mystery. See, I spent the first 15 years or so of my marketing career working in and with nonprofits. Here in Boston, where I live, those nonprofits share a lot of donors. What was fascinating to me: why would one donor give to so many different organizations? And what tied those different organizations together in the donor’s mind? Was there a pattern I could see?

I wanted to know the answer to that question because, at the time, I was in charge of the fundraising communication strategy at Harvard Medical School – and convincing people to give one of the world’s richest institutions even more money was a none-too-simple challenge. I’ll spare you the whole story, but what I discovered was this: while there wasn’t a usable pattern for why people gave money at all (that could range from self-serving to altruistic), there was something I discovered I could use.

There was a pattern to what kinds of things they gave money to – even across very different nonprofits. There was a pattern to what they wanted to accomplish through their gifts. So, for instance, if someone tended to give money at one institution to solve a specific problem (say, to a hospital help cure cancer), they tended to always give to solve a problem (to a museum to improve access for underserved youth). If they gave at one institution to expand the scope of impact, they tended to always give to expand the scope of impact, etc.

Once I figured that out, it became simply a matter of putting what we did at the Medical School into terms that matched what they were looking for. I could, for instance, take the same need we had at the medical school (say, to fund a new type of high-powered microscope) and frame it through multiple lenses. It could help solve a specific problem (age-related hearing loss), it could help expand scope (because it could help us understand the mechanisms that caused hearing loss), it could improve training of medical students (because they could better see the mechanisms in questions).

The lesson for all marketers is this: what people want tells you what they’re looking for out in the world. Our job isn’t to shift their attention to something new. It’s to show people how we fit in that existing line of vision.

Which speaker presentations are you looking forward to most at Content Marketing World 2018?

Tina Fey, of course. The panel on longform content with Ann Handley, Mitch Joel, and Dorie Clark looks amazing. I’d love to see Brian Massey and his talk on behavioral science talk, since I’m such a junkie for that stuff. Ahava Leibtag’s session on lessons from songwriters is sure to be great, too. I wish I could see Kathy Klotz-Guest – she has such amazing content and I’ve yet to see her speak in person (but she and I are speaking at the same time!). I’m also excited to Nichole Kelly coming back on the speaking scene, and with an important perspective – something she calls “conscious marketing.”

Follow the Thread

We really appreciate Tamsen sharing these thoughtful and substantive responses. Make sure to catch her live on September 6th in Cleveland; although she writes eloquently, there really is no substitute for the energy and passion she brings onstage.

She’ll be joined at CMWorld by dozens of other speakers. You find thought-provoking nuggets from her and many others by exploring the slides below.

These insights probably won’t change your fundamental beliefs… but they just might change your perspective.

Gain a competitive advantage by subscribing to the TopRank® Online Marketing Newsletter.

© Online Marketing Blog – TopRank®, 2018. | CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing | https://ift.tt/faSbAI

The post CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing appeared first on Online Marketing Blog – TopRank®.

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[unixcommerce]

CMWorld Interview: How Tamsen Webster Drives Irresistible Change in Marketing

Few things are more inspiring than the before-and-after weight loss photo: two drastically different figures juxtaposed against one another, usually connected by an impossibly short span of time.

It’s not just the physical transformation that is striking in these portrayals. Even more so, it’s the mental transformation. Something clicked in that person’s head, causing them to fully commit and make the difficult changes necessary to turn their goals into reality. Then, they did it.

Branding expert Tamsen Webster saw this dynamic play out, in various forms, time and time again during her many years as a leader in the Weight Watchers organization. And it’s a big part of what drove her to create Red Thread, a messaging framework focused on tapping into those deep, uniquely human motivations that spark action (or, as she puts it, make inaction impossible).

At Content Marketing World in September, Tamsen will speak about How to Make Your Ideas Irresistible. In anticipation of her session, we chatted with her about uncovering shared values with your audience, eliminating “one-size-fits-most” messaging, and aiming to change perspectives rather than beliefs.

What does your role as Founder and Chief Messaging Strategist at Find the Red Thread entail? What are your main areas of focus and key priorities?

Well, the nice thing about being a solo practice is that it means what I need it to mean at the time! My days are spent in a mix of work with clients, business development, and product/content development – I go where my energy, inspiration, and needs take me.

How would you succinctly describe the “Red Thread Method” and why it makes sense for today’s content marketers?

We can’t change what people do until we change how they see. The Red Thread Method helps you uncover that link for a particular audience and business goal so you can build content and messaging around it.

What did your experience as a Weight Watchers leader teach you about the fundamentals of creating irresistible messaging?

Pretty much everything. I know that sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Week in, week out at Weight Watchers, I saw what did and didn’t move people to make changes – what kinds of information they needed, and in what combination. When I took those lessons and looked at the marketing around me (including marketing I had helped produce!), I realized how often we focused on what we wanted people to do differently more than what they needed to hear to see the differently. Once I started switching my marketing to match the framework of messaging I built for myself at Weight Watchers, lo and behold, I became a much more effective marketer.

How can marketers stop seeing change as a barrier and start seeing it as an opportunity? What’s required to drive this shift in mindset?

That all depends on why they see change as a barrier in the first place. The only thing that will shift that mindset is understanding how it puts both something marketers want and something they believe is in jeopardy. For example, if a marketer wants to be seen as an expert in social channels, they likely see change in those areas as something to be overcome – the constantly shifting landscape makes it impossible to expert in all things all the time. If they also believe, however, that “the only constant is change,” making inaction impossible: they’ll either need to change their goal, their attitude toward change, or how they go about being seen as an expert. The key is always in finding that combination of wants and beliefs that makes inaction impossible.

Some find it counterintuitive that in order to increase your reach and impact, you need to narrow your message. Why is this important in today’s environment?

It’s all about fit for the message. Think about the last time you bought something that was “one size fits all.” Did it fit? Probably yes – you could get into it. Depending on your size it was cavernous, achingly tight, or in the category of “this’ll do.” But did fit like it was yours? Could you identify it blindfolded? Of course not. Now imagine you’ve had something tailored to fit you – like a jacket or a pair of pants. Done well, it should fit like a glove. If you put it on, you’d know instantly that it belonged to you.

Messages operate the same way. We way we want customers to feel a part of the brand. We want them to feel like the brand belongs to them. But then too often we send out “one size fits most” messages… and wonder why we don’t get that sense of belonging that’s a hallmark of great brands.

Your brand is not for everyone. It isn’t. It’s for the people who want something you can help them get, who value the same things you do, and who see the world the same way you do. And that’s not everyone. Full stop.

How do the tenets of giving great presentations and speaking sessions apply to the bigger picture of content marketing?

Any truly great presentation doesn’t just inform and inspire… it implants a new way of seeing. It gives you something that you can’t unhear. Something that creates a permanent shift in thinking, and thus in behavior. Most content marketing doesn’t need to inspire (at least not in the go-climb-a-mountain or be-your-best-self sense), but it does need to create that same shift.

I’ll say it again: you can’t change what people do until you change how they see. There’s no better example than TED Talks that a very short piece of content can do just that. (The longest TED Talks are only about 2500 words – not long!) The more content marketers can adopt those lessons from great talks, the more powerful their messages will be, no matter the subject.

But hear me on this: those lessons aren’t just the surface things like “give it an SEO-friendly title” or “tell a personal story.” Both of those techniques can be helpful.

But the lessons marketers really need to learn are around where the greatest levers in messaging are. And here’s what’s counterintuitive: the most powerful levers at our disposal are the ones that don’t move – people’s wants and beliefs. Yet so much of marketing focuses on trying to get people to want something they don’t actively want or believe something they don’t currently believe. The only things we’re likely to change in the short term are perspectives. And that’s what great talks – and great content in any form – do.

Looking back, is there a particular moment or juncture in your career that you view as transformative? What takeaways could other marketers learn and apply?

It started with a mystery. See, I spent the first 15 years or so of my marketing career working in and with nonprofits. Here in Boston, where I live, those nonprofits share a lot of donors. What was fascinating to me: why would one donor give to so many different organizations? And what tied those different organizations together in the donor’s mind? Was there a pattern I could see?

I wanted to know the answer to that question because, at the time, I was in charge of the fundraising communication strategy at Harvard Medical School – and convincing people to give one of the world’s richest institutions even more money was a none-too-simple challenge. I’ll spare you the whole story, but what I discovered was this: while there wasn’t a usable pattern for why people gave money at all (that could range from self-serving to altruistic), there was something I discovered I could use.

There was a pattern to what kinds of things they gave money to – even across very different nonprofits. There was a pattern to what they wanted to accomplish through their gifts. So, for instance, if someone tended to give money at one institution to solve a specific problem (say, to a hospital help cure cancer), they tended to always give to solve a problem (to a museum to improve access for underserved youth). If they gave at one institution to expand the scope of impact, they tended to always give to expand the scope of impact, etc.

Once I figured that out, it became simply a matter of putting what we did at the Medical School into terms that matched what they were looking for. I could, for instance, take the same need we had at the medical school (say, to fund a new type of high-powered microscope) and frame it through multiple lenses. It could help solve a specific problem (age-related hearing loss), it could help expand scope (because it could help us understand the mechanisms that caused hearing loss), it could improve training of medical students (because they could better see the mechanisms in questions).

The lesson for all marketers is this: what people want tells you what they’re looking for out in the world. Our job isn’t to shift their attention to something new. It’s to show people how we fit in that existing line of vision.

Which speaker presentations are you looking forward to most at Content Marketing World 2018?

Tina Fey, of course. The panel on longform content with Ann Handley, Mitch Joel, and Dorie Clark looks amazing. I’d love to see Brian Massey and his talk on behavioral science talk, since I’m such a junkie for that stuff. Ahava Leibtag’s session on lessons from songwriters is sure to be great, too. I wish I could see Kathy Klotz-Guest – she has such amazing content and I’ve yet to see her speak in person (but she and I are speaking at the same time!). I’m also excited to Nichole Kelly coming back on the speaking scene, and with an important perspective – something she calls “conscious marketing.”

Follow the Thread

We really appreciate Tamsen sharing these thoughtful and substantive responses. Make sure to catch her live on September 6th in Cleveland; although she writes eloquently, there really is no substitute for the energy and passion she brings onstage.

She’ll be joined at CMWorld by dozens of other speakers. You find thought-provoking nuggets from her and many others by exploring the slides below.

These insights probably won’t change your fundamental beliefs… but they just might change your perspective.

Gain a competitive advantage by subscribing to the TopRank® Online Marketing Newsletter.

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[apsbicepstraining]

Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski

It is not often a footballer expands on what goes through their thoughts when they play at the highest level but when they do it is fascinating

The concerning the relationship between footballers and the media is frequently a extremely naive one. Before a coincide a actor is asked what their hopes are for the challenge onward. Their explanation invariably has them looking forward to the game while perhaps including a bit deflection when steered towards a topic who are able to to be translated into controversy. In post-match interrogations actors are asked how they feel about the result and perhaps something they did in the accord. Through shortfall of age, tirednes or media practice, we often memorize little beyond what feeling a actor is knowing at that moment. This is often no flaw of the footballer or even the interviewer. Thoughtfulness is not provide support to football. Consequently, it is rare to truly understand how a participate does what they do.

What are they envisioning when they are moving their own bodies in a way that enables them to open up cavity where a millisecond ago there appeared to be none? We take for granted, whether sat high up in the digests or when watching on television, how quickly a footballer is able to calculate gesture and day. Our perspective is a false one. The predicament of what they are doing is skewed by interval. When a truly remarkable purpose is scored, such as Mesut zils elegant winner against Ludogorets, it is often is complemented by exaggeration or cliches. When deeper thought is given to how a piece of footballing splendour is crafted, the players take on it is usually overlooked, perhaps because were not used to hearing anything from them that tells us something new. Even after reading a 75,000 -word autobiography we can be left wondering, beyond fitness, proficiency or tactical comprehension, what it is that a actor contains that gives them an advantage over others. Relationships, defies, achievements and altercations help build narrative within their life story , not introspection. “Theres” exclusions of course, such as Andrea Pirlos I Think Hence I Play, which intentionally plays up to Pirlos reputation as a cerebral midfield maestro.

On the subject of delivering he paints a picture of a playing realm that isnt so much a fraught mass of moving limbs and testosterone but a series of shapeshifting breaches of which it is his enterprise to thread the ball through.

Ive understood that there is a secret: I see video games in a different way. Its a question of viewpoints, of having a wide field of regard. Being able to see the bigger portrait. Your classic midfielder examines downfield and ensure the sends. Ill focus instead on the space between me and them where I can work the ball through. Its more an issue of geometry than tactics. Andrea Pirlo

Dennis Bergkamp, one of video games great thinkers, has alluded to exhaustive modern-day coaching as one of the reasons participates dont use their own the terms of reference of insight enough. They dont have to think for themselves any more, he told Amy Lawrence. It is all done for them. Its a problem. If they get a new statu, they look to someone as if to say, What do I have to do now? And while Bergkamp was talking specific about the ability to think critically in the midst of video games, his comments pass us a clue as to the lack of faith footballers have in their own ability to self-reflect.

Throughout his more youthful years, Wayne Rooney was pigeon-holed as an instinctive street-footballer, fearless and reliant on playing off the cuff. Hed have been the last being you would have picked to give careful consideration to how it is that he has been capable of doing things on a tar which go beyond the vast majority of other professionals. But in a uncover interrogation with David Winner he explained that he relies heavily on visualisation to prepare for parallels and his thoughts as moves develop can often move into the future. Winner “ve opened” that rarest of things: a opening to the in-game footballers mind and gave us a fascinating glimpse of how the cogs move.

I go and ask the kit man what emblazon were wearing if its red-faced surface, grey abruptlies, grey socks or pitch-black socks. Then I lie in bed the darknes before video games and visualise myself tallying points or doing well. Youre trying to put yourself in that minute and trying to prepare yourself, to have a remembering before video games. I dont know if youd call it visualising or dreaming, but Ive always done it, my whole life. When I was younger, I used to visualise myself tallying wonder objectives, substance like that. From 30 gardens out, dribbling through units. You used to visualise yourself doing all that, and when youre playing professionally, you realise its important for your cooking. Its like when you play snooker, youre always remembering three or four hits down the line. With football, its like that. Youve got to think three or four moves where the ball is going to come to down the line. And the very best footballers, theyre able to see that before much more quickly than a lot of other footballers you need to know where everyone is on the tone. You need to see everything. Wayne Rooney

Did Wayne Rooney visualise this goal against Manchester City or just anticipate the cross quicker than anybody else did? Image: Matthew Peters/ Man Utd via Getty Images

I once tried to razz this profundity of thought out of Alan Shearer when asking how he tallied a aim that he considered to be his greatest but, even after knocking on the door in as numerous new and interesting rooms as I could muster, he wouldnt let me in: That volley was one in a hundred I belief, he said. Its an answer that could have been given by thousands of other footballers who perhaps dont understand that what they are able to do and the rush at which they do it is extraordinary.

In the same room that pilots construe “the worlds” in slow-motion, the very best footballers are often spoken about as having this hyper-developed gumption when it comes to digesting multiple flows. Anyone who previously played with or against a former or current professional who has taken a step down to play an amateur activity, can see this first-hand. A musician such as Jan Molby, even when bellying out of his shirt and years past retirement, can run a game without moving. This is all part of the prowes of understanding space. Xavi, while has become a much more energetic proponent of this ship, stirred football sound like a manic competition of Tetris in a brilliant interview with Sid Lowe in 2011.

Think promptly, look for seats. Thats what I do: look for openings. All date. Im ever appearing. All daytime, the working day. Here? No. There? No. Public who havent played dont always realise how hard that is. Space, space, opening. Its like being on the PlayStation. I believe shit, the defenders here, play it there. I visualize the opening and pass. Thats what I do. Xavi

With socks down round his ankles and his play seemingly shortfall the gloss of other upper-echelon participates, Thomas Mller can give off the intuition of has become a forward who plays in the moment, never stopping for long enough to consider what it is that has induced him so effective. But in fact the opposite is true. In a piece for Eight by Eight magazine by Uli Hesse, the Bayern Munich player addrest astutely about the significance he targets on timing. And although he clearly checks his persona as being different to a metronomic passer such as Xavi or Pirlo, he considers his near-perfect punctuality in the six-yard casket as being a product of his ability to calculate intervals in a razor-sharp fad. In reality, he has thought about his role on the football lurch to such an extent that he has invented a refer for it.

Im an translator of opening. Every good, successful actor, specially an attacking actor, has a well-developed feel of seat and occasion. Its not a phenomenon you exclusively find in two or three people on ground. Every great striker knows its all about the timing between members of the public who plays the pass and the person making a run into the right zone. Its good-for-nothing new when you make a pass, you dont ever do it for yourself. Often you do it to open the door for a team-mate. Thomas Mller

So it would appear that some of the very best footballers, when made to feel comfy and requested the right queries, view their visual to better understand seat and experience as being vital components in putting them at the top of their profession. But what about one of the best, a participate who moved all over the pitch in the unhurried way of someone who had “ve been there” and done it a thousand times before, even at a relatively young age. In the fascinating documentary, Zidane: A 21 st Century Portrait, the Real Madrid legend and World Cup winner conjures an image of himself as an ethereal attendance on the football pitching with psychic powers.

Zinedine Zidane knew exactly what was going to happen.

I can imagine that I can sounds the ticking of a watch I recollect playing in another place, at another time, when something amazing happened. Person overtook the ball to me, and before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score. Zinedine Zidane

There are millions of words written and spoken about football and footballers every day. Some good. Some bad. On subjects of tactics, feelings, hopes and reveries, were well gratified for. So when one of video games enormous, such as Zidane, lets us into his head mid-match even for exactly a few moments it puts out. Well done to those reporters who get us there. And kudos to the footballers who take the time to think.

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[edelmansgirl11-blog]

‘Your answers were very well explained.  Thank you for your thoroughness.  For the next question for this progressive interview, please tell me three things that you would like to do if you weren’t afraid to do them.’

The first question had been complex, asking her to name ten things that she was grateful for.  That question alone set the tone for the depth this interview was going to be aiming for.  They weren’t questions that she’d ever been asked in an interview before.  Normally they focused on things about what it was like growing up as the daughter of Lenora Beckett or how she felt about being a ‘child star’.  These, however, were digging deeper, achieving a level that was hard to tap into in a face to face interview, leaving her impressed and challenged all at the same time.  

This one was difficult in its own right as she didn’t find herself terribly afraid of anything.  She’d try most anything once without fear, and so she would read the email there on her phone and then gave herself a couple of hours to think it over.  Her time was running thin before her first business trip was to take place and her nerves were high enough.  If this interview had been done a year earlier, this would have been one of her answers.  Attempting to set up a charity to help people who were facing what might possibly be the hardest times of their lives.  People who had been hurt in ways that no one ever should be.  And yet, there she was, placing the last article of clothing into her suitcase, declaring herself packed, aside from the essentials that would have to wait until Sunday night to go into the bag.  

Alex didn’t function on fear.  She didn’t accept it and she didn’t give it time and space in her head.  If she wanted to do something, she did.  Even if she thought it impossible or extraordinarily difficult.  From an early age, she learned to never let her mind limit her.  The experiences she’d had growing up in the manner she did were ones that most people never did have.  Everything from riding an elephant on her eighth birthday to skydiving for her sixteenth birthday, she’d done so much that it was hard to say what else she might do.  It was hard to even think of what there was that she hadn’t done.  She hadn’t had a child, and that was fearful enough, yet she and Jaime were actively trying to get pregnant.  There were fears wrapped up in signing on with Netflix and doing something with a set schedule, as everything else she’d ever done was movies, and yet there she was, with season three releasing soon.  The question was surely meant to be deep and yet she could imagine that it wasn’t supposed to be so difficult at the same time.

Late in the afternoon on Saturday, Jaime had slipped off into a nap there on the sofa against her lap and she just couldn’t bring herself to move from that spot.  Running her fingers through his hair, she looked down at his face, drawing in a slow breath as she looked at the one fear she did have.  Losing him.  This man had become everything to her.  From the time the two met in the summer of 2014, she didn’t stand a chance.  He was charming and he made her laugh.  The way he smiled set her soul on fire.  She felt things within weeks of knowing him that she had not ever felt before.  The pain of prior situations had slipped away when she met him, knowing that he was the reason that it had all happened.  A year and a half later, when he asked her to marry him, she did not hesitate with her answer.  Although her own parents were not married and she was raised to believe that such bonds were unnatural, it felt absolutely natural with him.  Now, a year and a half later, the two were married, and enjoying newlywed life, but it didn’t mean those thoughts didn’t creep into her mind, of just what it would be if she ever did lose him.  She’d seen what her life was without him already and the idea of such things now, she couldn’t process it.  The woman who thought she held no fear, found her fear, and yet it still wasn’t the right kind of fear for the interview question.  Ultimately, she’d fall asleep, her fingers still stroking there through Jaime’s hair until all at once, her hand came to a stop against his forehead.  A half hour later, she would wake up and all at once, she knew what her answers were.  

~~~

If I were not afraid, I would speak my mind when I’m hurt.  I would tell the person who hurt me what it was that had hurt me and why it did so.  I would tell them how to fix it.  And in that moment, if they chose not to, I would walk away.  I would put myself first for once and realize that a person that truly cares for you will not hurt you without trying to make it right or fix it.  I would stop accepting their selfishness as a viable reason for hurting me.  I would be brave enough to know that they were showing me who they really are in that moment.  I would not compromise my own feelings for the sake of theirs.  In past experiences, I catered to their feelings on things of the sort.  If they had a solid reason for why they felt the way they did, I put away my own hurt and accepted it.  But if I were not afraid, I would put myself first.  Both people can’t put themselves first.  That isn’t how it works.  And that’s what is terrifying about it.  If I am to stand for what it is that I feel, while they are standing for theirs, there is no way to continue.  Ultimately, one person has to compromise their own feelings and cater to the other.  I have never been the person that stood by my own feelings and took a situation and said that I would not compromise, and yet I’ve had others refuse and when they did, I gave into it because I’d rather be slightly compromised to be sure they are comfortable, even if it makes me uncomfortable.  If I wasn’t afraid, I’d hold my ground.

If I held no fear at all, I would speak openly about my life.  I would talk about what it was like growing up or working in the industry, without feeling as though I needed to be careful of my words.  If I knew I could hurt no one in the process, the words I would say might be different than the ones I speak when asked.  There’s this filter that has to exist, where you have to be careful of each and every word you say, and thus is the difference between getting an answer that is true, yet reserved, versus getting a genuine and thorough answer.  I would speak out on the things that were asked of me early on in my career (independent of my mother).  I would speak about how difficult it was being a child actor and the sacrifices that were made.  I would go on to talk about my dreams and aspirations and goals for my own children and how I won’t do it the same way.  If I weren’t afraid, I’d express myself more thoroughly.

And lastly, if I was not afraid of the consequence, I would write a screenplay.  I always have these ideas that I think would play out so well on screen, although I’m not ever certain if they are a good idea for just one scene or just one season or if they would have the ability to spark and entire series or film.  The idea of putting my name on something like that is terrifying to me and leaves me asking why I would even want to.  I’ve had my hand in so many different things, and the natural route to take for most actors is to direct, but I have no directing aspirations at this time.  I won’t say I never will, but for right now, I’m perfectly happy being where I am in that regard.  But to be the person that actually wrote the material, that had the idea, that was able to sit back and watch that idea come to life on film?  I think professionally, should I ever stop acting, that would be what I’d like to try my hand at, though the fear of failure there is enough to suffocate a person.  As an actor, when we go into something, if it doesn’t go well, there’s this escape in our minds where we can know that we did the best we could portraying what was provided to us.  But the actual story?  That’s where the key lies.  The greatest cast in the world can’t sell poorly written material.  So if I was sure I wouldn’t fail, and fear was not a factor, I’d definitely try my hand at scripting.

~~~

As she read over her answers, she second guessed them, but she could only do so for so long before the feeling settled in on her that those answers were true and honest.  She had entered into this difficult progressive interview with the knowledge that it would be challenging and in that challenge, she wanted to be as blatantly honest as she could be.  She knew there could be repercussions from what she had to say, but it wasn’t the kind of interview that really gave room for the conservative answers.  It needed more than that.  It required a type of honesty that was often lost in such scenarios and demanded that it be acknowledged for what it was.  With only the second question, she would come to realize just why it was done on this platform and in this manner, where time was given to answer thoroughly as the internal struggles it presented had the power to not only provide readers an insight that was uncommon, but furthermore, it had the power to get them thinking and perhaps even changing.  

She’d find it more difficult to press the send button on this email as the answers seemed to be so much bigger than the last, though a few days ago, she couldn’t have imagined such a thing to be true, only leaving her to wonder just what the next round would include and if the questions would continue to get progressively more in depth as they went along.  Pressing send on the email, she set her phone back on the side table and laid her head back against the back of the sofa once more, her hand returning to Jaime’s head where her fingers separated the strands of his hair, smoothing over his scalp before repeating the action once again.  

-September 30, 2017

[junker-town]

Rhode Island could have 3 NFL Draft picks for the first time ever

Photo by Michael Shroyer/Getty Images

URI is no football hotbed, but the class of 2020 will make history.

Rhode Island is not a hotbed for college football. The state has three Division I programs, but all are small-scale FCS operations. Since 2002, the state’s high schools have only produced 11 prospects who’ve signed scholarship offers from current FBS programs; the bulk landed at nearby UMass.

As a result, it’s been 34 years since a University of Rhode Island alum has heard his name called at the NFL Draft. But in 2020, three Rams could get the call.

Aaron Parker, Isaiah Coulter, and Kyle Murphy all played pivotal roles for a URI team that climbed into the FCS top 25 for the first time in more than a decade in 2018. Each earned an invite to the NFL Scouting Combine. URI, a program that had never sent anyone to the event, had more prospects in Indianapolis than schools like Arizona, Louisville, Oklahoma State, Stanford, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, and USC.

The Rams’ renaissance was unexpected and, if 2019’s 2-10 record is an indication, possibly brief. How did it happen ... and what can these three players who helped drag URI up from the bottom of the FCS ranks bring to the NFL?

URI’s top prospect in three decades could be found money in the NFL

Coulter passed up his final year of eligibility to enter this year’s draft. That would be a disaster for most URI players, but Coulter is far from typical. Though his college career got off to a slow start (18 catches as a freshman), he found a way to shine in the Rams’ highest-profile games the following two years. In three games against FBS competition — UConn, Ohio, and Virginia Tech — he racked up 21 catches for 361 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

That includes a 47-yard cornerback-dusting and subsequent adjustment against the Huskies. Coulter singled out this play as the best example of his abilities when we sat down at this year’s combine.

“I had a comeback and go,” Coulter told me. “Broke it down at 12 (yards downfield), then came back up with it.” That play covered nearly half the field — and it would have been a walk-in touchdown if his quarterback could have hit him in stride. Instead, the speedy wideout had to make an adjustment to keep URI alive in what became a shootout 56-49 loss.

His 72-catch, 1,039-yard, eight-touchdown campaign in 2019 helped convince scouts Coulter was Rhody’s top draft prospect. It also made him just the seventh player in URI history to post 1,000+ receiving yards in a season. He wouldn’t have had a chance to ink his name in that record book without the sixth man on that list: his cousin Parker. Visits to Kingston to watch a wideout who was like a brother helped convince Coulter the Rams were the right team for him.

While the younger receiver was proving himself as a prospect, Parker built his name as one of the best players in program history.

Parker was one of the top wide receivers in FCS

The Maryland high school star was a two-star recruit — the only other school to show sustained interest in him was Eastern Michigan, with whom he originally signed — who came to URI as a linebacker. Instead of bulking up when he got to campus, head coach Jim Fleming saw his potential as a playmaker. Parker led the Rams in receiving yards and touchdown catches as a true freshman.

Though Coulter, with his 6’2 frame and 4.45-second 40 time, may be the first Ram off the board thanks to his potential, Parker had the bigger impact in Kingston. His stature grew as he adapted to the high level of FCS play in the Colonial Athletic Association. He improved his reception and receiving yard numbers every year in the Rams’ offense. The arrival of his cousin as an NFL prospect helped free him from constant double coverage and helped him put together one of the FCS’ top individual senior seasons: 81 catches, 1,224 yards, and nine touchdowns in 2019.

His versatility shined through at Rhode Island, where he was big and fast enough to line up all over Fleming’s offense. Like Coulter, he broke through against FBS opponents: 21 catches, 336 yards, and a pair of touchdowns in those aforementioned games against Ohio, UConn, and Virginia Tech. Here he is in Athens, parting double coverage masterfully to adjust to a deep ball and set up a Rams field goal:

When it comes to the NFL, he sees himself as a hit-absorbing presence who can roast defensive backs from the a spot closer to the hashmarks.

“I would prefer slot,” Parker told me at the combine. “I like being in space with the linebackers and nickelbacks, going up against them, catching the ball — you know, I’m fearless across the middle. I got the linebacker background coming out of high school, so, you know, I don’t really mind the hits.”

Murphy helped make all this happen

Rhode Island benefited from two wideouts who could chase down deep balls, but the keystone to one of the best passing offenses in school history might have been Murphy. The versatile lineman — he started games at every position on the line except right guard — built his name as a two-time first-team All-CAA left tackle.

While he was a factor in the run game throughout his career, his biggest achievements came while clearing room for two very different passers behind him. The mobile JaJuan Lawson and the pocket-oriented Vito Priore created unique challenges to the URI front line, but Murphy wasn’t fazed.

“I have great chemistry with both of them,” Murphy explained in Indianapolis. “Trust is everything. I just trusted both of them and we just adapted to whatever situation we were in. I feel like my versatility is the biggest thing a lot of teams liked.”

As good as URI’s 2018 was, Murphy’s proudest accomplishment was propping up a passing offense that ranked 13th in FCS in passing yards per game in 2019. The Rams gave up just 26 sacks despite dialing up 531 passing plays: a rate of just 4.9 percent. That came despite a lineup filled with mostly anonymous, zero-star recruits and a limited rushing attack that effectively dared opponents to bring pressure.

“After my junior year, I gained a lot of experience,” Murphy noted when asked when he realized his talent could translate to an NFL career. “I became a leader on and off the field. My junior year, I really shined then. Everything just picked up from there.

“It doesn’t matter whether I get drafted, whether I’m a free agent. I just want to show my talents, show my versatility — show that I just belong.”

That could be at tackle or as a 6’3, 320-pound interior blocker. His NFL career may boil down to one team’s vision of where he’ll fit. If his URI experience is any indication, he’ll blossom no matter what position he takes.

Where could these three URI standouts be drafted?

It’s tough to glean much insight to this year’s pre-draft process thanks to the isolation required by the Covid-19 pandemic. Any gains the Rhode Island trio could have made in private workouts and interviews after the combine have been nullified by the fact everyone’s staying home through April.

That doesn’t mean they’ll be forgotten. Coulter made a major impression on longtime NFL scout Gil Brandt, who labeled him one of his three favorite prospects in a discussion with NBC’s Peter King. Parker didn’t test as well as his younger cousin, but his big, ever-improving production for the Rams could be enough to overcome those concerns.

The larger issue is they both play a position that’s loaded with talent in the 2020 NFL Draft. This spring could see 10-15 wideouts selected in the first two days of the draft, leaving high-ceiling projects like the Rhode Island duo to languish to Day 3 (or possibly later).

Murphy might have an even tougher path to the pros. Like Coulter and Parker, he’s part of a stacked class at his position; if teams are looking for small-school projects in Days 2 or 3, players like St. John’s Ben Bartch or South Carolina State’s Alex Taylor will likely jump him in line. It doesn’t help that he failed to stand out at the combine, finishing among the bottom 10 offensive linemen in multiple drills, including both the 40 and the bench press.

Still, Murphy’s a leader who broke through at an often overlooked program. Though his straight-line speed may be lacking, strong performances in the three-cone and 20-yard shuttle drills in Indianapolis prove he’s quicker than most 320-pounders out there. Writing him off, like he’d been as an unranked recruit, would be foolish now.

The trio leaves a legacy that will boost Rhode Island football even after their departure

The Rams’ escape from the CAA basement lasted just one season. URI went from four conference wins in 2018 to zero a year later, despite three potential draftees on the roster. Even so, the program’s departing stars are confident they’re leaving their former home in better shape than when they found it.

“We’re definitely getting more excitement and recruiting, especially since we’ve had three combine invites,” said Parker.

“It’s great to really put the university back on the map. It’s been overlooked for a while. Even though we haven’t had the record, we always had the talent. Creating a new culture there was a great experience.”

According to Coulter, 2018’s on-field gains helped push for new turf and lights that allowed night games in Kingston for the first time in modern program history. It’s an impact that isn’t lost on the potential Day 2 pick.

“We definitely changed things around a little bit. Getting people talking about [URI football].

“Knowing what they recruited me for — they wanted me to make plays. Knowing that I delivered, it feels good knowing I made a little mark there. Hopefully it keeps going, they keep getting good guys that can take them even higher.”