#i figured that it would be more exciting to wrestle a giant fish than to have ganon go

[dimittere]

his first instinct has always been to live off his own wit and skills. while he may navigate the island and its capitalistic ways with grace and SKILL, ganondorf has never found comfort in exchanging money for his clothes or food. by nature, he's a conquerer and a thief, just as his mothers raised him to be THOUSANDS of years ago. even with how easy these conveniences are, they feel far from natural to him. as though there truly is nothing to him but the BEASTLY desire to live for another day. feats of combative prowess and survival are naturally what he's drawn to, tests of his skills in any way appreciated —- though many of these activities are quite SILLY. me, ice skate? would they even provide shoes that fit?

fishing, he could pull off; while the great sea was all but DYING, it endured nonetheless. fish still lingered beneath the waves, struggling to survive in a world they weren't meant to inhabit. ganondorf found some pity in that, this banal need to survive. the remnants of hyrule's fallen kingdom too lingered, a struggle to take whatever they could from the seas. it was a VICIOUS cycle and one he snapped at the bit to end. there's plenty more battles in the here and now, it bears to be said, the shift of his feet sinking into the ice with a force that leaves him surprised in the strength of the frozen waters. he continues to TUG even tighter the fishing pole in his grip. he's surprised too that it hasn't snapped under the weight of whatever it is that he's caught. surely a fish of a greater size than most in the great sea! he flashes sharp fangs with pride with one final tug! a MASSIVE fish landing to flop upon the ice -- at the risk of toppling over the other patrons.

@eliminatorleck liked for a starter.

[spmcomic]

Aftermath

The beeping was like a constant tiny hammer on the back of her head.

She’d never seen anything like this. Nastasia had learned about electricity and technology over their travels, but she’d never been inside a building that felt like it was, in itself, a big machine. The distant but pervasive thrumming, the device ticking off each heartbeat. The clean, curved plastic casings and clean floors. The thin clear tubes stuck to his forearms. She perched on a chair next to the window, looking through the half-open blinds out over a courtyard that may have been cheerful in brighter weather. But for now, the grounds lay as dormant and washed-out as the Count.

Just over the white noise, she could hear O’Chunks and one of the doctors - nurses? - talking softly. It was easy, to let the conversation fade behind the heart monitor, but she forced herself to pay attention. They were talking about him.

“How good is a, eh, Ultra Shroom compared teh th’normal variety?” O’Chunks was straining to keep his voice low.

Nastasia glanced toward the two of them, turning her head almost imperceptibly. The nurse was a tall, pale, slender creature, with long padded fingers tapping a thin pen against a screen shaped like a clipboard.

“It heals all injuries,” the nurse replied. “But he still has to stay here. It doesn’t heal dehydration.”

“But ‘e’ll be good t’go, soon?” Nastasia’s insides turned at the tiny, weak hope in his voice.

The creature made a clicking noise. “I don’t know anything about his species, so it’s hard to tell, but your doctor wrote in her notes here that he’s fried… Oh, that explains it.”

“Fried?”

A pause. Nastasia could just make out their reflections in the window, murky as they were through the thin coat of drizzling rainwater. The nurse looked up from his clipboard. “I couldn’t figure out why he had so much trouble taking the heal,” he blinked, once, taking his time. “But his magic is tied to everything, isn’t it? Arcane-based. No wonder he couldn’t eat properly.”

“What is fried?” O’Chunks pressed, worry creeping into his voice despite his efforts.

“When a caster far overexerts their abilities, it can break the part of them that generates their F.P. Usually they just die, but with help they can survive…” The nurse drew his brows together and looked at the Count as if to ask “what did he try to do?”, but when neither of them clarified, he continued. “After becoming fried, if a caster tries to access their F.P., such as by casting a spell, it will injure them.”

Nastasia’s breathing hitched. She really, really didn’t want to hear the answer to the question she knew O’Chunks would ask next. But ask he did.

“How long does it take teh heal?”

“It doesn’t.”

She flinched.

The nurse continued with only a small pause, perhaps at O’Chunks’ expression. “There are some ways to alleviate-“

The Count jerked abruptly, setting the beeping off-rhythm. More blood trickled from his nose and mouth as he tossed his head from side to side. The nurse hustled over to the monitors and touched the screens a few times with those odd, padded fingers. The Count stopped moving, sweat dampening his forehead as he panted and grimaced. After a moment, the bleeding stopped, and he looked to be less painfully asleep.

“Um, what was that?” the nurse asked, when it was over.

Nastasia sighed, her cold breath fogging up the window. “He casts spells in his sleep sometimes.”

The nurse paused. “He’s going to be in a lot of trouble if that happens often.” He narrowed his pale eyes thoughtfully at his clipboard, tapping the screen a few more times with the pen. “It’s imperative that your mage doesn’t cast any spells. His magic reservoir is tied to too many things. If he zaps himself, he won’t be able to walk, or talk, or see. Or eat, which he will need to do, if he wants to recover his strength after exerting himself at all. He definitely isn’t a candidate for your adventure party anymore.”

O’Chunks said nothing.

“I’ve given him painkillers to make him more comfortable, for now, and I’ll see about digging up something more long-term that can prevent him from casting in his sleep,” he continued. “Moving forward, he can't eat anything harder to digest than toast or crackers. I can find a chart of tonics that will temporarily boost his magic so he can handle eating. And I’ll get a list of common vitamins for casters…” He turned to step out of their tiny room.

“Get him another blanket,” Nastasia mumbled without looking away from the window. The nurse stopped, but didn’t say anything else before he left.

Her eyes drifted to the Count’s blood-soaked clothes, hanging off the wall in her corner of the room. She bit at her lip, unable to look away.

O’Chunks sighed as he settled his weight against the wall next to her chair and sank to the floor, stretching out his knees. “We have t’just throw them out, Nassy. They’re ruined.”

She shook her head. “We just have to wait for him to wake up.”

O’Chunks grunted, but didn’t argue. Nastasia gritted her teeth and rested her forehead in her fists against the windowsill. The Count wouldn’t be cleaning any clothes, now. He wouldn’t be fixing their pots or their tent. No lights to guide them at night, no casual effects here and there for their convenience or comfort. There would be no way to avoid frequent stops at towns for resupplies. Their safety would always be at more risk. She had ruined him.

The tears were just audible over the gentle misty rain as they hit the windowsill. That was the only sound, for a while, interrupted only by the heartbeat monitor.

“I-I want to try to clean them,” she said, eventually. “A-and the skirt. I don’t think… I don’t think we can replace that.”

O’Chunks leaned his head back against the wall and tugged at his beard. He still hadn’t stolen a moment to clean up. He had insisted she take that agonizing first period of waiting time to put on an undamaged shirt, that he would keep watch while she washed her hair. It had been a kindness, to let her keep herself busy for a few minutes, but now a distractible shard of her couldn’t help but disapprove of how dirty he was compared to the rest of the room.

He took a deep, slow breath. “He needed a new bag anyhow. Don’t worry ‘bout tha’ one. Th’rest… Methinks they clean up blood ‘ere a lot, if’n yeh wanna give it a go.”

The heart monitor changed its rhythm, so Nastasia and O’Chunks turned their attention toward the Count. He hadn’t moved except to open his dull, near-colorless eyes. He must have heard them talking. His gaze slid lazily over to the window and came to rest on the two of them. Nastasia cleared her throat and stood abruptly. She stiffly grabbed up his clothes in her arms and marched out of the room, leaving O’Chunks half-curled up against the wall.

…

O’Chunks squinted his eyes closed and cursed internally. They were going to have to tell the Count what had happened to him. They were going to have to tell the Count what had happened to him more than once.

“’Ey, Count,” he began. His throat felt too dry to give the full lecture. The Count was drugged anyway, his eyes glazed over and uncomprehending, but O’Chunks hoped that even a little information might start getting through if he brought it up as soon as possible. “Th’doctors here did a number on yeh. We were real worried, fer a bit, but yeh pulled through, yeah?”

He fussed over his fingernails. “Uh, so, th’nurse here said yeh’re fried…” The corners of his mouth tugged erratically as he wrestled to get himself under control. Stars above, he was holding it together even worse than Nassy. “… So yeh cannae… cast spells, anymore.” He looked up from his muddy fingers at the Count.

The Count only stared at him for a moment longer, and then closed his eyes again. That could have gone worse.

But the scene was distressingly familiar. The lad had barely survived, permanently injured, after such a betrayal… Utterly alone. There was nothing that had made him feel better, at his lowest, and there was certainly nothing they could do to make the Count feel better now. He could only hope the Count would learn to adjust, with time. He stared down at his hands, propped limply against his knees, but couldn’t find it in himself to pick at his fingernails again. The room was big enough for two beds, but somehow the walls were pressing in against him.

In desperation he cast his eye wildly around the room. There- in the top corner- a television propped in a harness. The moving image was incomprehensible for a moment, but he forced himself to blink and focus in on the program. Good thing no one had come in and caught him gawking like a suffocating fish at the tiny screen.

It was some kind of sports game. If he squinted, he could just catch the flashes of captioned commentary… Jousting, that was the word that kept coming up. The image was disorienting, but it only took him a moment to start making out the giant colorful birds draped in glittering cloth, ridden by relatively tiny creatures with lances. That was something to start with.

He glanced at the Count. At the inns, they had liked to find the sports games on each world. It had become a game of its own to try and guess the rules before the end. This one would have been really exciting… Tiny dark spots flashed around between the birds, and when the camera angle changed O’Chunks realized that they must be flying the cameras between the players in the arena. What a show.

He wondered if the Count would ever want to play games with them again, or spend time around them at all. He couldn’t imagine sitting down at the dinner table next to the man who had taken everything from him. And, alas, Nassy… How would she adjust to the coming change? Was there anything he could do about that at all?

The room still felt so cramped, but O’Chunks felt so small. The heart monitor continued, uninterrupted.

-

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index

start at the beginning

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

What happens when reioka and I talk

reioka: For real?! Tony's tiny, not person sized?! ifdragonscouldtalk: No XD hes person sized in the fic But it would make it funny Imagine bruce trying to find a needle small enough to get a blood sample reioka: I mean... ask a bird vet probably ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony hanging off Steve's pinky finger by his tail reioka: The idea is very adorable, if impracticle ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky has a cat. The cat likes little tony. Tony does NOT LIKE the cat reioka: Awww. Wait like like "dinner" or like like "person!" ifdragonscouldtalk: We dont know. Tony screams when Cat gets within 3 feet. Steve keeps Cat out of the room now. reioka: Aw poor kitty lol Poor Tony "It's big! It's get sharps everywhere! EVERYTHING IS SHARP!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Bruce puts a filter in the tank. Tony doesnt like the filter. It swirls the water around and blows him away. Tony launches a war with the filter. Bruce is Not Happy. reioka: Smol Tony building tools with the rocks at the bottom of the tank, sacrificing one of his pieces of seaweed to tie them all together to fling into the filter and cause it to jam ifdragonscouldtalk: Hes smug af cuz he clearly Won until he sees Bruce's face o h s h i t reioka: Lmao does he even understand WHY he needs a filter Does he want to swim in his own excrement ifdragonscouldtalk: He lived in the ocean before reioka All he knows is before the waters were still and now they are Not He probably doesnt notice XD reioka: Lmao the waters were never still you water horse you were just too far down to notice

ifdragonscouldtalk: But ok tony getting so excited he flails around in the water and winds up tangled in seaweed He does Not Appreciate pepper taking a picture reioka: "Pepper I am suffering. This is abuse. I'm going to die here." "You are not going to die you dumb seahorse I won't let you." "*choking sound*" "...Are you crying--" Tony ducks further into the seaweed and mumbles no ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and steve storming in from opposite doors shouting whO MADE HIM CRY WHY "I'm not crying!" reioka: Lmao just the idea of them trying to threaten Pepper tho Like... what a death wish ifdragonscouldtalk: Im sobbing imagine some intern giving tony little barbie tools and shit and he gets so frustrated because "I know these are fake! They're plastic!" reioka: He lets go and they float to the top of the tank and he is at the bottom just glaring up at them like... "You've all betrayed me. I know they're plastic and I hate you." ifdragonscouldtalk: Im a g ine someone buying Real Seahorses and putting them in the tank and tony is so territorial and ends up actually just wrestling a bunch of them reioka: I just snorted water out my nose omg "MY tank. MINE. GET OUT." ifdragonscouldtalk: And the actual seahorses are just so curious about this Strange Seahorse They think hes just trying to bump bellies until he grabs ones snout and then theyre Angery reioka: OH NO What does an angry seahorse do [ifdragonscouldtalk sends a screenshot of seahorses fighting with their tails] ifdragonscouldtalk: Seahorses punch Tony with their tails. Tony wails. Theyre meanies. reioka: Wtf Tony you've got actual fists HIT 'EM BACK ALSO A TAIL What a whiny baby I love him ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony eventually emerges victorious They find them the next morning with the others cowering in the corner and the water very slightly pink Bruce is Not Happy reioka: Just name the entire series Bruce is Not Happy because that will probably always be his reaction to everything. ifdragonscouldtalk: Series starts Bucky -- hey yo stevie look at this weird fuckin fish i found Steve -- screams reioka: *snort* Everyone debates on whether or not he's technically a fish and he's just sitting there like "I'm a seahorse" but are you a FISH? "A seahorse." ifdragonscouldtalk: "What is your species" "Awesome" reioka: "What do you call yourselves?" "Our names? I'm Tony, in case you've forgotten." "No, I mean, as a group?" "A family? *gasp* Do you guys not have families, is that why you don't know?" An intern is crying in the background from the effort it takes not to laugh because Tony looks honestly distraught that they've never heard of a family. ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od Good reioka: Finally "Tony. Tony. Are you a fish?" "I'm a seahorse." "Seahorses are fish." "Then I gotta be a fish." Bruce screams in frustration in the background. They've been at this for hours. God damn it. ifdragonscouldtalk: Shoulda just googled it Tony compliments Bruce's singing because he's a gentleman But secretly wtf sort of singing is that reioka: LMAO if the real seahorses are still in the tank, just whispering to them "Did you hear that? Do they draw mates with that? Horrifying." ifdragonscouldtalk: The seahorses just look at him Bruce screams again reioka: Bonus if Betty is there for some reason and comes to see what happened and Tony gasps. "It worked!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Im crYING Whenever pep walks in the room now tony screams reioka: Bonus points: Pepper knows why and one time she screams back and Tony ducks back under the water, covering his blushing face. God I wish I could draw Just seahorse Tony covering his face and Pepper laughing good-naturedly in the background ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve spend the whole day trying to figure out why tony keeps blushing and why hes making a "mating hut" reioka: HAHAHA I wonder if Pepper feels bad for "leading him on" because come on, they don't--even have compatible parts, not even talking about the size difference ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony scoffs and says he knows and he was only joking and then literally just turns around and starts crying. Shes still standing there. TONY. reioka: TONY THE ENTIRE TANK IS SEE-THROUGH Aw now I feel really bad for him haha ifdragonscouldtalk: He'll be fiiiiiiine, natasha challenges pep to a fight on his behalf The fight pretty much entails nat biting and kicking peps hand with her tail, but w/e tony loves it reioka: "I will protect Tony's honor," Natasha tells everyone and then BITE BITE BITE Pepper pretends it hurts more than it does tbh Natasha beating the shit out of Pepper's hand Pepper wrapping it in bandages longer than strictly necessary because every time Natasha sees it she puffs up proudly and Tony looks pleased ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony still kisses all the band aids tho Cuz hes a whiny sweetheart reioka: Aw Natasha grudgingly tells Pepper she was a worthy opponent and Pepper glows for hours. ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony starts screaming at steve ans bucky instead reioka: One time when the humans go out for drinks Pepper gets sloppy drunk and cries and the others are like "What's wrong" and she's just like "God I just love these stupid fish so much" YEEE Are they smart enough to scream back or do they just get nervous because they think they've done something wrong ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my God pep I bet bucky screams back just for the heck of it and steve shrieks cuz hes startled but tones takes it for a scream. Tony glows "I got /two/ human mates nat" She screams at hill just because she likes a challenge and human women are Cute reioka: Natasha is daunted but if they hurt Tony she's gonna fight 'em anyway lol Lmao does Hill scream back OH Hill doesn't scream back but Natasha's just like "aw yisssss motha fuckin challenge" Tony supports Natasha's endeavors even when he thinks she's out of her mind ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony is a Good Bro Tonys new mating house tho Its glorious Nat helps him with it Bruces like "what are you doing" and tonys like "showing off for my mates" "Who?" "Bucky and Steve. They didn't say?" Bruce is Not Happy reioka: It's a good thing Bruce doesn't have Hulk powers because I assume literally everything we've said so far would make him turn into the jolly green giant. ifdragonscouldtalk: "You guys cant fuck the seahorse. It is physically impossible to fuck the seahorse." Steve actually chokes ifdragonscouldtalk: Real question: is clint a seahorse or a human Because i can see him accidentally almost killing Tony and Nat on a weekly basis and them loving it but i can also see him convincing Tony to do stupid shit with him like rock their tank off the table Bruce comes in and screams so loudly and tony looks at clint and goes "wow he really loves you" reioka: On one hand: "You wanna try coffee?" *pours coffee directly into tank. Everyone hates him. Tony and Natasha have not stopped vibrating for hours. They could have died. "MORE COFFEE! MORE COFFEE!" they chant, banging on the glass. Everyone HATES him. On the other hand: "That box they brought in looks interesting do you think you can throw me at it." Tony puts his engineering cap on and Bruce walks in just in time to watch Clint fly out of the tank, screaming, and lands on a pizza box with a splat. ifdragonscouldtalk: Im vibrating desperately as i try not to laugh Clint: puts an entire bar of chocolate in the tank, its gone in two hours, Tony and Nat are simultaneously in immense pain and doing theur best to tear the tank apart Or Clint: challenges natasha to a fight and sends everyone running when he screams because "SHE WAS GONNA RIP MY TAIL OFF" reioka: Lmao beautiful "She wouldn't have ripped your tail off," Tony tells him soothingly as Natasha gives Tony her best wtf face and mouths "yeah I would." ifdragonscouldtalk: Either way bruce screams and tony thinks theyre mates. reioka: Tony, whispering: Bruce must really like you, he screams an awful lot. Clint, thoughtful: ...We could make it work. Natasha: I dunno he screams at a lot of people? Maybe he's not monogamous. Bruce: *notices all three of them staring intensely and is somewhat uncomfortable* ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony: maybe he's what the humans call a player! Clint and Nat: *gasp* Bruce: why tf are they glaring at me what are they planning now ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine someone trying to explain to them that screaming =/= mating reioka: Tony: It worked for me??? In both cases??? Pepper's just not ready for children but I am and I understand that. Pepper: *spews coffee* Tony: But Bucky and Steve like me! :D Natasha: *smug* Maria likes me. *everyone turns to look at Hill* Hill: ...I have paperwork to do. ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve nearly have a heart attack when bruce askes when they were planning to tell him about the children reioka: Steve: Tony, we... can't have children. Tony: D: you... you don't want children with me? Bucky: That's not it! We, uh... we're physically incapable of. Conceiving. With you. Tony: ...WELL. You can't help that you're barren. Steve and Bucky: *bug-eyed* Tony: Maybe I could talk to Natasha. The fry wouldn't be your biologically but it's the love that matters. Bruce finds Steve and Bucky crying later and he doesn't want to ask but he does anyway. "It's the love that matters," Steve sobs, and Bucky adds, "That's so beautiful, holy shit." ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od If they did have children only one ends up having a normal name because bucky and steve are never quick enough to imprint on the fry reioka: Lmao LOL THE PREGNANCY Steve: So how many kids are we lookin' at, Bruce? Bruce: At least two dozen. Bucky: *faints* Bruce: Probably more. Steve: ...Can I afford that many children Bruce: GET OUT OF MY LAB. ifdragonscouldtalk: OH MY VGOD Pepper buys another bigger tank Clint and Nat start hissing at anyone who tries to touch tones except his mates reioka: Aw, little tiny ultrasound on Tony's belly! Bruce endures Clint and Natasha's biting with aplomb. ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky both pass out minutes into the labor and continue to pass out every time they wake up till its over By the time they wake up the last time theyre already named - dummy, you, cutie, friday, toast, stan Nat names one Hill and Hill is her Best Niece reioka: Lmao "Why Toast" "Why not Toast? Do you not like it? Well it's too late her name is Toast." ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky are crying. The seahorses think it's joy. Pep and Bruce are just patting their shoulders. Pepper thinks they shouldve seen it coming Clint names one Hawk just to piss ppl off reioka: Lmao Tony introducing all the fry to Steve and Bucky, "Children, these are your fathers. Steve, Bucky, this is" long list of names. They're never going to remember them all, they're terrible parents. Eventually Tony orders his children to tell them who they're speaking to because when they misbehave he wants to yell at the right one. "That's fair," the fry agree, and then start doing it for everyone except Pepper and Hill. reioka: Pepper: Isn't it... kinda cruel? Natasha: I heard a seahorse gave birth to fifty kids once. Some of them drift away because they're idiots that won't listen. One time my mom called me every name but mine. ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine how much Trouble clint gets them into reioka: Clint: Do you think with all these seahorses we could tip the tank Tony: Do not tip the tank. Clint: I bet we could. Natasha: Do NOT Fry: *cheerfully* TIP THE TANK! TIP THE TANK! Tony: STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE CATCH THE TAAAAAAAAAAANK ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony and Natasha actually screeching Bucky and Steve catch the tank but tony is sobbing and panicking because his cHILDREN ARE GOING TO DIE LIKE IDIOTS reioka: Steve: *angry* DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR MOTHER. Bucky: Steve, you shouldn't yell at the kids. CLINT YOU LITTLE SHIT. Tony: *sobbing, gathering the fry to him frantically* Fry: *feel terrible* ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine them all going to the beach and all of them are hanging off Buckys hair and Steve is makin sure none of them drift away Tony is actually screeching in joy because a c t u a l s a n d Toast would prefer to be near Steve so she hangs on to his drawstring of his swimsuit Nat teaches Hill how to train and ride hermit crabs reioka: Tony: *cries* Look at my beautiful family. Bucky: Aw, doll. :) You don't have to-- Tony: MY FAMILY KICKS EVERY OTHER FAMILY'S ASS. Bucky: ...Doll. Steve: *laughs, chokes on sea water* ifdragonscouldtalk: Clint.... Challenges a blue crab,, to a fight Bruce has to save him reioka: Okay so hear me out -- Bruce and Betty are together but Clint just kind of gets inserted into their relationship because "I'm pretty sure he's lowkey trying to die" Bruce says and then Betty has a baby and Clint was like "Holy shit this thing is huge. I love her. She's mine now." Betty's amused. Bruce just sighs. ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Clint trying to get the baby to challege a crab to a fight reioka: Baby sitting on it and crushing it with her diaper. Clint: ...That works. Bruce: Stop trying to get our child to fight everything bigger than you, Clint! Clint: *starts crying* Bruce: Oh God what did I do Betty: *snorting, trying to get the crab to let go of the baby's diaper* You called her 'our' baby and he's included in the 'our' and he's happy you idiot. Bruce: Oh ifdragonscouldtalk: Natasha rides past on a hermit crab and clint starts blabbering to her and shes just like yeah? Can YOUR kid race hermit crabs Clint looks at Bruce and Betty. Bruce: No, our kid cannot- Betty: if you can find one big enough Bruce: BeTTY reioka: Betty: Oh my God Bruce he's never going to find a crab big enough. Bruce: I don't believe that. I believe he could find one. He regularly gets himself thrown out of the tank to steal my pizza. Betty: He's so tiny how much could he eat? Bruce: *stony silence* Betty: D: ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but Bucky with seahorses just hanging onto his hair. Theyre everywhere. He looks like a seahorse tree. reioka: Pepper takes lots of pictures. Bucky loves them. He'd thought about cutting his hair at one point but now that he has become the seahorse tree he vows to only have it trimmed. ifdragonscouldtalk: A horseshoe crab scares one of the kids and Tony's just like im gONNA FITE IT and Steve is like nO reioka: Tony manages to knock it upside down but it's so distressed by it that he gets Steve to turn it back over and it scuttles away in the opposite direction ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but also Clint and Tony and Natasha forcing pep to help them set up a 'human date' for Nat and Hill because yes reioka: Clint and Tony vibrating when they see Hill coming back with Natasha, ready to interrogate her on whether the date went well, but then Hill leans down and presses a kiss to Natasha's cheek (Well, her entire side of her head, but they intention is still there) and they squeal and then slap at each other to shut up because NATASHA IS BLUSHING OH MY KRILL ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Natasha is smug like "She's definitely my mate. She just hasn't done the ritual yet." Hill going to Coulson like "a fish is courting me" reioka: Coulson: Stranger things have happened. Hill: Not to ME ifdragonscouldtalk: Wwheezesx justin hammer,,, stealing them reioka: NOOOOO Can you imagine Tony, Natasha, and Clint trying to protect all the fry Trying so hard, but they all get taken anyway, and they know they couldn't really do anything against a human but they feel like they SHOULD HAVE ifdragonscouldtalk: Can you imagine,, tony breaking down,,, and justin trying to get them to breed. Cuz m e r m a i ds. And tony just telling him that if he touched the kids his mates would kill him reioka: Justin would probably curse himself for missing two seahorses But NAY TWO SUPER SOLDIERS ifdragonscouldtalk: ScReech can u imagine justin putting a little glowy tracking device in tonys chest reioka: Honestly I'm just imagining them all being so scared that their tails clutch at each other until they're just a big ball of trembling, teary seahorses WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT I love it ifdragonscouldtalk: When they finally do come it's actually Maria who gets there first and she scoops up hill and nat and holds them desperately Just nuzzling them Bruce finds clint actually sobbing Steve and bucky beat justin mostly dead reioka: GOOD He deserves it ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony clings to steves fingers and cries while bucky gets the kids reioka: Steve presses desperate kisses all over Tony's body but his lips glance over whether the tracker is and Tony wails in pain and Steve is horrified because oh God what did Hammer DO Bruce physically stops Steve from walking over and crushing Hammer's skull under his boot because he needs to know everything Hammer did