#i got the idea of hunter explaining the Scale Of Cuteness™️ to lillith and ran wild

[morhido]

Wait hang on i have a concept. Hunter going to lilith about his crush on willow.

Not for advice, mind you. All the adults in his life have this awfully nuanced view on romance and quite frankly they don't UNDERSTAND how fucking feral his hormones are going right now. Do grimwalkers even have hormones? He doesn't know but it sure feels like it!!!

And even steve, the youngest of the adults, is annoyingly cheesy about the whole thing, speaking as an experienced older brother. "Just be yourself"?? When the FUCK has that ever helped anyone????

Okay so. Lilith. She's 1) not too close to the situation, 2) far from likely to give him any sort of cheesy advice, and 3) GUARANTEED not to judge him for it (because there is no way in the nine circles of hell he is talking about it with gus, and while he loves luz and amity, their little fantasy romace brains mixed in with the fact that they're willow's best friends would almost certainly cloud their judgement, at least a little).

So it ends up with him and lilith at a table or smthn, hunter screaming about his stupid little teenage boy feelings and lilith sort of just humming and nodding along as she flips through a book. She's not there to help him in his inspiring coming of age story wherein he learns to be his best self and pursue his dreams in the form of a pretty girl. She's just there because she honestly thinks the poor kid might explode if he keeps it tucked away for any longer.

So he's sat opposite her and he's just like "TITAN. TITAN SHE'S SO COOL. And pretty. Did i mention she's pretty?? The prettiest. Hooooly fuck."

"Hm yes yes, eyes the colour of eucalyptus leaves and whatnot."

"RIGHT and like. Have i mentioned that i like her voice? Also so pretty. So cute."

"Ah yes, children are always just sooo adorable."

"NOT LIKE THAT CUTE. Like. Okay gus is cute in the same way flapjack is cute. Right. Like you wanna just. Ahh. Y'know. But THE CAPTAIN. CUTE LIKE. CUTE-CUTE."

"Wow."

"Y E AH"

"Okay. So your captain is... cute-cute. Go on."

"But she's also like INSANELY strong?? Like it should be ILLEGAL to be that pretty and also that strong. Not actually illegal though bc then i would have had to arrest her a long time ago. And that would have been sad."

"Mh, and we don't want that, do we?"

"I've gone my whole life without a SINGLE crush and now!! She has killed me. She has singlehandedly killed me. I'm dead, lilith. If you even care."

"Okay."

"And FL Y ER DER BY?? MAN i can't believe she managed to get me hooked on that sport. Like it's seriously so fun. Ha. I went from wanting almost nothing to do with her or that sport to talking about girls with my old colleague. ....well, singular girl. You're kinda just There. (Thank you for being here btw i /gen appreciate it)"

"Oh girls? I can talk about girls. Did you know edalyn once broke a wall of the house playing grudgby? Like. Not even just a window. The entire wall."

"I AM ABOUT TO BREAK!! LOVE HAS GIVEN ME VIOLENT TENDENCIES!!!!"

"One time to cope with her crush on raine eda sicced a griffon on them. Ah, young love. I assume."

"wh A t"