#i had this idea but i couldnt fit into one particular character so

[sanajeh1909]

The Spy and The Spouse

Pairing : Chamber x F!Reader

Word Count : 5989

Warnings : Flirting, Romantic Tension, Spying/Action (only mentions of it, there is nothing much except the detailed description of whats happening), Jealousy, Unrequited Love (at the end on Chamber's part), Emotional Themes.

POV : 3rd Person

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

A/N : Sorry for my poor English, its not my native language. Chamber can be a bit OOC. Gif doesnt belong to me. Please do tell if there is any mistakes or off talks/writings on the scenario. There is so many expressions of the situation more than talks because i have no idea what to write as conversation, i have ran out of ideas. I had hard time writing this since i burnt my wrist accidentally now its hard to type without putting my wrist on the side of the keyboard. Yellow is for Chamber, Pink is for Reader, other colors are for side characters. I hope you enjoy it.

The day of the mission comes. She wears black one shoulder long sleeve black dress with black suede wedge heels. Her glasses are same design as Chamber's, except hers was thin framed and had soft edges on rectangular shape. Her hair is braided on both sides to the back and the rest of her hair is combed to the back. This made their hairstyles match.

While she was getting ready, Chamber put on his suit, matching her outfit perfectly. Chamber had been very particular about his own attire. The suit itself was black in color, it was a modern fashion design. It was tailored to his body to look as sharp as a knife. A crisp white shirt underneath was accompanied by a black tie with little black details. His hair, per usual, was undercut slickback.

When she finished, he walked in looking sharp and composed. When he saw the finished look, he was surprised to see how well put together she looked. Almost to a T to how she looked. Almost.

He raised an eyebrow at her look and expression, as if he were about to laugh at how ridiculous he found her similar sense of fashion. Then, he just grinned devilishly. Arent we a slick couple?

He was very confident in his appearance, as he should. After all, he was going to be playing the smug, arrogant husband. She smirks at him and walks towards him confidently. Her back is straight and her chin is slightly up. We will crush them just with our presence, it seems.

He couldnt help but admire how well you took the role of the wife. His eyes traveled upwards from your heeled shoes to the matching dress to your hair to the glasses that only gave you a more charming aura. One of his hand on his pocket, he offers his other arm to her and a smug smile on his face. I couldnt have picked a better partner. We make quite a pair.

She smirks at him and takes his arm. They get in the car, Chamber holding her door for her before going to the drivers seat. With Chamber driving to the party in silence, they are preparing themselves for the mission mentally.

As they arrive, they walk to the party with their arms intertwined. The party is filled with businessmen, CEO's and their spouses in simple yet classy dresses.

The host gives them both an appraising look before looking at Chamber. That look was followed by a small nod. Well, look at this. If it isnt Mr. and Mrs. Fabron. It was an odd feeling to have someone refer to her as a married couple. It was weird to be called Mr. and Mrs. Fabron, but it had a quite weird feeling that made her wanted to be called like that.

The man gesturs towards the crowd of guests. It was a variety of different types of people. The only unifying factor was money.

The moment they stepped inside was the second that the mission and the married couple act started. They even made custom rings to play along. That costed the couple more than they expected, but it would worth if it meant for success.

Chamber walks alongside of her, enjoying how her arm fit so nicely with his. He couldnt help but look at all the men who kept glancing up at her admiringly as they walk. He couldnt blame them. Even before he was a "married man", she looked good enough to make heads turn. All she had to do was show up.

He smiles at her side. He is still the charming bastard for the night. He whispers in her ear. This is going to be fun.

She smirks at his words and whispers back. Show has just begun, darling. Just watch and see.

He chuckled a little, liking this side of her. In the middle of his mission, he was finding himself to enjoy just being beside her. Being in this role of a married couple was different, it felt more... wholesome. It was... nice.

He gives her a little squeeze of her hand. He looks around, analyzing the crowd, looking for certain people. Alright. Just follow my lead, alright?

She nods. After all, he was more experienced than her in this type of situations, so the both had agreed to follow his lead. They have praticed and spend more time to get used to each other, but now they needed to put them all on the act.

Chamber turns his head to face you. He straightens his suit, making sure everything was clean before facing the guests. She was starting to get some glances. Some from men, and some from women. Of course, everyone thought she were just a beautiful woman with a handsome husband. No one suspected them being an undercover agent. They had to have their guards up. Especially in this kind of party.

A small smile crossed his face. This was going to be fun. Alright. Act, beloved wife.

Of course, mon mari~. She wears her most charming and sweet smile as they get close to a poseur table. The guests greets us and we greet them back.

Chamber does his best to make sure his smile looked both charming and smug. With her beside him, the smug smile had a little more genuine edge to it. With the guests, he looked at her with pride, like seeing his trophy wife. You played the part so damn well, how could he not show some pride? ;)

She takes a deep inhale, enjoying the feeling of the atmosphere around them. No one could tell the twi were anything but an extremely loving, happily married couple. No one would suspect a thing until him and her make a move. This had to be a good plan. This has to go well.

She pulls a waiter towards their table. Chamber looks at her out of the corner of his eye. He was making sure she was acting her part. Do you want something to drink, darling? She asks as she glances at the waiter, then she smiles at Chamber.

Chamber couldnt stop lookin at her. Acting and pretending felt... good, with her. She acter her part, like a good "married couple", and made the act so believable he almost forgot the reason they were there. This moment, the most intimate part of it all, was so convincing it blurred a line in his mind that he didnt know was there.

Chamber looks at her and whispers, still smiling. Your choice.

She smiles at him warmly, not too excessive to pull the attention to me, not insincere to look cold towards him. Then, im ordering Bordeaux Blend for you and for me... You choose. She gives him a subtle smirk with her voice is velvet-like and lowered.

He couldnt help but smile. In this moment, she acted so well, he would honestly consider taking her out of this plan and just make her his wife. He spoke in with a deep, warm and velvety tone, trying to match her. With a certain confidence, he orders a glass of champagne for her. This would work. A toast in advance...

After short while, waiter comes with the orders and they get their beverages. He turns his gaze towards her. For a successful mission.

She smiles at him. No one heard his sentence, that was a good thing. For our success.

A successful mission... and a successful marriage. He said the last part with a grin. It was half out of instinct, the other half just for show. It was part of the act, a married couple that planned their future together. Yet it was odd to him that he wanted that future with her, someone that came into his life at a most unusual time.

The people on the other tables clinks their glasses almost at the same time with them, then they take small sip from the beverage. It was time to wait for the perfect moment to strike. Her eyes slowly returns to scan the crowd. A lot of suspicioous types there... A lot of interesting people...

Chamber leans back slightly, his eyes sweeping across the party as he thought. His eyes landed on a certain target at the right side of the room, clearly a high-ranking businessman that looked to be talking to a woman in a nice dress.

He leans closer to her, lowering his voice to a whisper. You see that man on the right with the gorgeous woman? His name is Laurent Danton. I know him from previous missions. That woman he is been talking to is Anette Chavois, the CEO's daughter. Our mark.

She looks at the targets without making it obvious, then speaks in a tone that matches his. Yeah, lets keep an eye on them and approach carefully.

He whispers into her ear. I have been keeping an eye on him tonight, and the target always moves between drinks. Its perfect for us to take advantage of this.

He pulls his head back to look at her. As soon as he leaves his current target, we should make our move. Do you agree?

Yes, on your lead. She whispers to him, then both takes long sip from their beverages.

He gives her an enthusiastic nod and looks at his watch, keeping on eye on Mr. Danton from the corner of his eye. He could see that the man was getting into particularly... interesting discussion with the woman he was with, his right arm slightly draped on her shoulder. It looked to be a private conversation.

Chamber checks his watch once more, and with a slight flick of his head he indicates that its time. The couple puts their empty glasses on the tray that was on waiters hand which was passing by, then they make their move. Now the show is about to begin.

Once Mr. Danton took a few steps away from his partner, Chamber immediately moved towards the two, with her on his arm. The man looks at them, surprised to see the handsome couple approaching him. He offered a warm smile to Chamber and shifts his gaze to the stunning woman on Chamber's arm, offers a handshake while addressing her...

Laurent Danton. Pleasure. And you are?

She gives a smile mixed with a smirk. she shakes Laurent Danton's hand eleganty. Y/N Fabron.

Its clear Danton likes the sound of her name, and she is pretty sure he just took a long look at her. Danton has eyes for women, that much is clear. Not just any women, though. Women that are just as gorgeous as her. She could tell by the way his eyes were fixated on her.

Chamber speaks before Laurent can come up with a flirtatious comment directed his wife. Vincent Fabron. He shakes Danton's hand, then moves his hand towards her in a welcoming gesture. My wife. She bows slightly as if she is proud to be Vincent's wife, still smiling at the businessman.

Laurent's eyebrows raise. He looks between the two of them, then he chuckles, clearly impressed. What a beautiful couple you make, to have such a stunning and gorgeous woman with you, Mr Fabron. And his eyes lingered back at her. If they werent pretending to be wife and husband, the man would obviously be flirting with her left and right.

Chamber didnt look away but his arm tightened on her hand, and his eyes narrowed in a focused manner. He didnt like these kinds of people in the slightest. After a few moments of silence, he speaks with a casual tone, like this was a random encounter. So, i understand you are friends with Anette Chavois? Thats an interesting woman, if i have ever met one. The tone wasnt quite hostile... but it wasnt friendly either.

He directly went to the topic. No games, no subtle meanings... She still keeps smiling and strokes his arm slightly to signal him if something goes wrong, she will back him up.

A quiet smile on Laurent's lips. He notices that stroke, no doubt. He knew it was meant for him to signal if something was wrong. But she looked absolutely charming, and the fact that she was touching him was just as effective. Even the woman he was with tilted her head, looking at her with admiration.

Laurent clears his throat, his smile growing wider by the second. Of course, we are good friends. Anette and me, we go way back.

Chamber looks over at her and gives her a smug smile, proud of how she was able to carry herself. He then looks back towards Laurent. You two must have a lot to talk about then. He makes a small pause. Or perhaps i can steal my wife for a moment?

She chuckles softly, it was fake but it made the mood that was getting heavy a little bit lighter. Mr. & Mrs. Fabron could see the man considering the decision. He clearly wanted to say yes, being a man of status and privilege... but the hesitation came from him wanting to keep Y/N close, too. An excuse to have her nearby just to look at.

Laurent chuckles. Just for a moment. He gestures towards his partner. Anette looks at her again, her eyes studying Y/N, perhaps a little too intently. Y/N knew that look. Anette was jealous. Of her.

Y/N smiles and they take some steps back, to have some privacy away from the crowd, including the businessman and CEO's daughter.

Chamber turns to face her, speaking quietly so only she can hear his words. His tone was soft and sweet... Are you okay, wife?

His arms wraps around her waist, his eyes closing in satisfaction. She was the only thing he could focus on, like a beautiful distraction that would lead to a dangerous spiral. He was just making sure her part was going well.

She reaches a hand to the side of his neck, gently caressing, her hand trails down to his shoulder sometimes and trails back to his neck. I am, except the hungry looks of Laurent. If we werent on a mission, i would have taken care of him. But i have to bear it now. She speaks in quiet tone, almost playfully and pouting, but he knew she was serious on her words. She was clearly irritated by the flirtation of Laurent, but she was heeping the pose for the sake of the mission and Chamber.

His eyes narrowed slightly in irritation, his grip on her waist tightening in an almost possessive fashion. He was still playing the role, but the words were genuine. He didn't like the way these rich, flirtatious people tried to get at her. He gives a warm, friendly smile, but his eyes were stern. One hand stayed on her waist, the other hand ran across her shoulder to her neck. His thumb caressed her cheek.

Husband mode activated. If he so much as touches you, wife, I'll make him regret it. Dont worry, beloved wife. I will take care of this situation.

Then Laurent spoke up again, a clear tone of sarcasm in his question. Tell me, Mrs. Fabron. He was being far flirtier than anyone should, and he knew it. He was clearly enjoying it.

Chamber had no problems ignoring Danton's presence when she decided to keep talking to the man. If anything, it got him more irritated the longer the conversation with him went on. Laurent was just enjoying the situation a little too much… in an inappropriate manner. Chamber let out a quiet sigh, trying to keep his smile as polite as possible.

Laurent noticed the sigh, and he spoke up while giving him a smug smile.

Laurent seemed almost as arrogant as Vincent thought he would be. It wasn't a good look for a man in his position. It was good that he was an arrogant man, though, because it was exactly what Vincent wanted. What he needed. He was going to let the man have his arrogance, in order to catch him off-guard.

Chamber looked at her softly, wanting to protect her from this person…

Excuse me, Mr. Danton? She asks without turning her body towards Laurent, one hand on Chambers shoulder and other hand is on his arm. Chamber's arms are wrapped around her waist again. She gives a gentle smile to Laurent to not cause a scene, but her body language shows how much she got uncomfortable with his behaviors.

Laurent immediately stops, his eyes shifting towards her. It took more than a second to break the smile he gave. He turned to her, a charming grin on his face. One that could not hide his intentions. I did say just a moment, didn't I? He looked as though he couldn't help it; in fact, he was simply unable to take his eyes off Y/N. He looked at her with such a predatory smile. He gave off a certain aura that he was sure Anette was enjoying. No, she wasnt. She looked at Y/N with that familiar jealousy.

Y/N chuckles softly and let go of Chamber's shoulder, but then she holds onto his arm with both hands. Of course, you did, Mr. Danton. We got carried away, apologies.

The more she tried to act the part with Laurent, Anette's gaze didn't waver. Anette would glare at Y/N, as if to express how irritated she was by the situation. Her partner looked at Mrs. Fabron, Y/N, still with that predatory gaze and sly smile. All he would need was a simple word, and he would drop Anette right away. Y/N could see the attraction to her in his gaze. Y/N could almost feel Anette's jealousy behind her. Anette needed to look good to her own partner, and Y/N was certainly ruining that.

Anette rolls her eyes, obviously knowing the intention of both parties. She can't believe she has to share a partner with Mrs. Fabron. Anette looked like she wants to make a scene to get Laurent's attention back to her. She's the type who's used to having the attention on her. Anette clearly needs a lot of it.

Chamber is still in character, so he keeps a smile on his face. However, his grip slowly gets tighter and tighter on his partner's waist. He was getting genuinely annoyed by this flirtatious bastard.

Y/N feels the tight grip on her waist and puts her hand over his gently, their rings on their fingers were touching each other. She gently stroke his hand to calm him down.

Her hand was exactly the kind of distraction he needed. For a second, his attention was back on her, and her only. He looked to her, her hand stroking his, and the anger on his face slowly disappearing as his grip on her relaxed. The warmth of her hand put a grin back on his face.

He suddenly had a mischievous idea. He leaned in closer, as if they had something between them. He kept his voice low and calm, letting his eyes rest on Anette. Let's cut to the chase, darling. You know that won't last.

Y/N smirks at him. She had a plan and they found their targets, why miss them when they can catch them? Why don't we all sit and talk a little bit? She suggests to Laurent. By we, she meant all four of them, but she is sure he will accept it.

Laurent's expression changed a little, from the predatory and charming smile, to an expression of confusion and intrigue. He was clearly trying to read both of them, searching for their intentions. He looks back at Anette. Anette was still looking at her with anger, clearly not happy with how her partner was acting. He turned back to Mrs. Fabron with a grin. The more, the merrier, darling. Have a seat. He gestures towards the empty chairs. The four of them was certainly drawing a lot of attention from other guests.

Y/N smiles and they all four walk to the empty table enough for 4 people. They sit down on the table. Chamber next to her, Anette across her, and Laurent next to Anette and across Chamber.

Chamber looks at the table. He cant help but notice how close Anette and Laurent are sitting. It wasnt a matter of space at the table, it was an act of affection. A clear display to the other guests, as if it hadnt been clear already, this was a couple. Anette placed her hand on Laurent's, resting on the table. She wore a ring on it. A gold wedding band. Fabron couple saw a small glimpse of it.

Y/N was holding Chamber's hand and gave slight squeeze on his hand, signaling the ring on Anette's finger. Chamber feels her squeeze his hand and he returns the squeeze to reply that he saw the ring too. His eyes were on Anette and Laurent's interaction. They were… comfortable together.

Y/N was wondering how much longer she'd have to sit here in the presence of these people. She had a job to do. That was the only problem. But at that moment, all she wanted was to have a moment for just the two of them, Chamber and her. All they needed to do was get close to the Anette and Laurent, and make the couple trust them enough to give some information. except that everything was nothing but just empty words.

She waited and watched. Laurent and Anette's hand kept touching… and touching. Y/N's eyes wandered to see Anettes's face. Anette was clearly enjoying this conversation. She also noticed the woman kept glancing at Y/N and Chamber out of the corner of her eyes. It was like Anette was jealous, but Y/N couldn't say why. Chamber squeezes her hand again. He was just checking in with her. His grip on her hand was getting tighter. A sign he was getting impatient.

She strokes his hand, then starts a conversation to talk. An easy and light conversation that won't bother anyone. After a good hour, They all laugh and chat. They did their job and got the information they needed. They could leave after not so long.

Chamber gave a casual and handsome smile towards Laurent and Anette. His grip on her hand was starting to hurt, but he didn't care. He was too intent on ending this conversation. He also noticed her hand stroke on his a second time. So, Anette didn't manage to be in a corner of his attention anymore. All he could think about, all he could focus on, were her hands on his, and the way she looked at him with those beautiful eyes. He was too caught in the moment, almost forgetting his job.

Y/N turns her head around to look whats happening around them. Clearly bored from the atmosphere and the conversation yet she had to play it off. Chamber looks around and sees that some partners were looking at them with awe and admiration, some women with jealousy, and Anette with… jealousy as well. From the way Anette kept looking at her, he was sure his hypothesis were correct. …This might work. He looked at her. I have a plan I think you'll like.

Y/N looks at him confused, but they were partners, even if it was just an act, she had to trust him. Especially when they were on a mission.

Chamber takes a couple steps back, pulling her with him. He moves slowly, seductively, and with grace. He took some steps back, putting some space between the table Anette and Laurent were sitting and him and his partner. He grabbed her by the waist, his arms slowly pulling her in. His eyes never left hers, the same captivating look from before, just a little more intimate.

He started dancing with her on the spot. The music was slow, the atmosphere was right, and the way they kept looking at each other… It was perfect. Y/N turns her head around to look whats happening around them. There was a light romantic melody on the background and some couples were dancing together. They can do a little show before they leave, maybe?

She smirks as she understood what he was planning. She puts her hand on his shoulder as they dance, they were close enough to whisper to each other. She whispers with a smirk. You really put on a show, Mr. Fabron. She teases him with the title. He really knew what he was doing.

He just pulls her closer to him with a smirk, his face looking even more smug than usual. At that moment, his eyes locked on Anette's for a moment. The predatory and arrogant look was still there, but it changed ever so slightly. He was observing Anette's behavior. His hand slowly slides up to the back of her neck. It was so warm, so soft. He leans in closer to her ear, whispering with confidence. Did you enjoy the show, darling?

She couldn't help but chuckle, but She tried her best to keep the smug smile on her face. The music was perfect for this kind of slow dance. It has so far worked, beloved Fabron. She looks around the room, seeing all the eyes on them, all the eyes on the two of them.

He pulls his head back. Just enough to see her face, and just enough for her to see that grin. He slowly drags his fingertips across her face, tracing her mouth and chin, still staring at her. The way she looked at him, the way her eyes locked on his. He couldn't look away. Your body is amazing. He whispers. His lips are very close to hers, but the man decided against the last step… yet he was inches away, his mouth at a perfect distance from hers.

The couple was dancing together. As much as Anette hated it, that much was obvious. But even while she looked at the two of them with jealousy, there was no denying it: they were quite the couple. Anette was clearly starting to question her relationship with Laurent after seeing the way he kept looking at Y/N.

Y/N smirks at him, she knew his intention and whispers. Oh, my husband wants kiss? She chuckles softly. I hope you still remember this all is just an act at the end of the mission. I hope your heart won't break after a pretentious kiss.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her teasing. She was too bold sometimes. Still, he couldn't resist. Still inches away from her lips, he leans closer, his eyes locked on hers. He whispered, loud enough for only her to hear. …I do get to kiss my beautiful wife, right? She chuckles silently. Then… their lips meets in a tender, gentle, slow kiss.

It was everything he expected it to be, and so much more. His eyes lit up when she kissed back, their lips touching for those precious, blissful moments. He pressed his lips against hers, matching the same gentle and slow pace. This kiss was tender and beautiful, an act of pure affection. Even if they had to lie, even if this moment was going to be just for a short instant, the two of them kissed, as passionately as any husband and wife would kiss. But they had a job to do.

Their lips part away after the short kiss. She speaks whispering and teasingly as they walk back to the table. Be grateful my lipstick doesn't come off.

Even though he knew he shouldn't, the grin on his face widened. Somehow the kiss made him feel more confident and smug than usual, and he was completely aware of it. I would have been happy to get it off your face anyway. I wouldn't mind the red lipstick on my face. He gave her a devilish look, enjoying the little fun he was having, if not enjoying the mission itself.

She rolls her eyes and chuckles. It was time to leave, since Anette and Laurent was ready to leave this "businessmen party".

Chamber glances at Laurent and Anette, whose eyes were still on the two of them. Their eyes seemed to give off a different kind of energy now, like the kind of people who just got to the end of the perfect date. Anette seemed more enamored than ever, but Laurent seemed… different. Almost as if he was jealous. Jealous of Chamber for being Y/N's husband. Chamber checks his watch. It was time for them to wrap things up.

Chamber turns and addresses the four of them. We have had a lovely night, wouldnt you agree, chérie?

She smiles at him gently. Thats right, it was a pleasant night, mon mari.

He turns his body ever so slightly towards her, keeping his eyes locked on her. He then raises a hand in the air. A small gesture of leaving the party.

Chamber's gaze suddenly turned towards Laurent, their eyes locked, like if they were trying to outstare eavh other. Laurent looked away first, almost reluctantly. He could barely hide his annoyance, like he had the worst case of jealousy.

Y/N could feel Anette squeeze Laurent's hand, and a soft kiss on his cheek. She whispered something into his ear, and Laurent let a smile creep onto his face as he nodded. He didn't look at Y/N anymore.

We should go. Chamber's smirk returned.

She bows slightly and they both turn towards the exit, arms intertwined. She whispers to him, clearly exhausted and frustrated from everything. Finally.

He gave her a charming smile. Their mission was successful, and she did a great job being his wife for that period of time. His eyes fell on her lips, as if there was something to say but he chose not to say it. He held on a little more strongly to her arm. He just enjoyed the intimacy of being with her, like the most devoted husbands might do.

I feel like we should celebrate our success somehow. He smirks, looking like he had a few ideas on his mind.

I want to celebrate it by taking my shoes off and jumping in my bed for a good night's sleep. She speaks clearly irritated by the party, act and Laurent's flirting.

He cant help but chuckle and look at her sideways, rolling his eyes. He smirks at her playfully, still clearly trying to look like the most loving husband. I think i have the perfect remedy for that... He leans in closer. In the meantime, can my wife walk next to me, arm in arm, with a smile in that gorgeous face of hers? He looks at you with more than just a hint of affection.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Chamber opens the door for her, she slumps on the passenger seat. He gets in driver's seat. Lets just end this mission. And since we are done with pretending to be a happy married couple... She takes the ring out of her finger and puts it on the cup holder of the car.

If his eyes could go any wider, they would. His smile disappeared from his face, and was replaced by confusion. His reaction wasnt due to pain or sadness, it was due to the sudden change in tone. His confident, happy-go-lucky expression turned into a look of surprise... followed by something.

She could feel that something in his eyes. It was like a tiny flicker, but she saw it. He couldnt help but look surprised... and disappointed. He turned his gaze away. ...Of course. He starts the car.

She stares at the road in silence whole time back to the quarters. All the act, all the pose of married couple ended. She had told him in the first place, after this ends, everything will be over. Now everything ended, and they were going back to how they were.

Chamber kept driving. The radio was off, the windows slightly open, with a beautiful night and a clear sky outside. The silence was awkward, to say the least. His eyes were focused on the road, while his hand gripped tightly to the steering wheel. His face was emotionless, while his eyes were filled with regret. In such an odd way, even though the act was a lie, he felt hurt. Because of his role, because of who the target was, and because of her.

As he parks his car on the parking lot of headquarters, she had fallen asleep on the passenger seat on their way back after all the tiredness of the mission washed over her.

He opened the door and saw her asleep. His eyes looked down at her, her face so peacefully serene as she slept. He gave a small smile. He was proud at how well she managed to act for most of the time. He wasn't proud of something else, though. He got the ring from cup holder and put it on his jacket's pocket.

He gently picked her up so that she wouldn't wake up. With his arm under her legs and the other supporting her back, he walked to her room to lay her down. The way he walked and his face said: "I just want to take care of you."

He placed her on the bed, her body looking like a sleeping angel. He then sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep as he stroked her hair with extreme tenderness. His face was still expressionless, but his eyes gave the expression away. The look of... Love. He loved her. But that feeling would have to wait. He looked at the ring on the coffee table. He had to keep telling himself he had a job to do.

He placed her down carefully. He pulled the blanket up to my chin and he took off her shoes for her, placing them on the side of the bed. He then turns the light off, but he just stands there. Still no words, nor any hint of movement. He is just watching over her as she sleeps. Making sure she is comfortable. Making sure she is okay. Doing what a husband would do for their partner. It was an affectionate yet sad sight, if one could call it that. He had placed the ring she took off to the table on the bedside. She was still sleeping, her hair draped over the pillow, the blanket over her.

Chamber looks at her. He sees the beautiful and fragile features of her face, and the way she sleeps peacefully and serenely. He couldn't help but place a soft, tender kiss on her forehead. He lingered for a second, letting his lips linger, but he knew time was of the essence. He walked out, turning off the lights behind him, leaving her room pitch black.

On his way to his room, he turns towards her door once more. His chest filled with conflicted emotions, he turns away and enters his quarters, leaving her to rest. The mission was over, but his heart remained undecided.

He enters his own room. He sits down on his bed, looking at the bed beside his own. His face has an expression she've never seen, an expression that he had never expected. He was thinking about her. About the one woman who had the power to change his life. The one woman who made him feel both warm and cold. The one woman who made him feel so much affection and love at the same time. The one woman who could break his heart.

He throws himself on his bed to lay down. As if he was too annoyed with himself. Too much work, too much acting. His head spun with emotions. The mission was over. So why did his heart feel like a trainwreck?

Sorry if this sucks with too much explanation and lacking conversation and mission scenes/action. I had hard time to write something good and it was hard to type with burnt wrist so it took longer than intended. I hope this meets with your expectations.

[anthraxplus]

I don't know enough about music to ask interesting interview questions, but would you want to like explain your artistic process for how you have made your albums? Like how long did they take to make, what's your starting point? this is a totally optional ask I just thought it would be interesting to hear about something you're interested in

ty for the ask! i feel like the answers to these questions are sorta hard for me to answer tbh because i really did just stumble into this, at least thats how it seems to me.

for baatmoia, id say it took me roughly 9 months to make from beginning to end, but i dont know when i really consciously started working on it. the concept of "making an album" was something i was essentially challenging myself to do, seeing as ive been making music for a long time and only sparsely released a smidgen of it under a different project. they were also the first songs of mine i ever wrote and recorded lyrics/vocals for, which was another challenge for me. as for the construction of it (continuous mix) thats just something i like doing with mixes - my favorite albums have A Flow to them, and i liked making it so that you couldnt have clean delineations between when songs began and ended. thats also part of my mindset behind obscuring my vocals so much, which in turn is just an expression of wanting to make an album that felt dreamy, hazy, ethereal, formless. thats also what i did for baatlnoyl, but for a different reason. i operated a lot on "vibes" for both albums since i didnt really have any other metric (and i still dont), which tbh i like because i think it helps add a very personal feeling to everything.

baatlnoyl is inspired by a dream i had, also took about 9 months(ish), and was directionless for a long time until i was a monthish away from my self imposed deadline. in this dream, i fell in love with a character of that dream and i woke up before i could really tell them. and after trying to use that dream for inspiration for one song in particular, i realized the idea fit with a sort of "call and response" i had noticed with everything else i had written (a lot of repeating motifs). so like, after 8 months of working on this, the album turned into a sort of nonlinear story about that kind of experience and what it would feel like for both people after the dream ended. i wanted this one to be noisier and harsher, but also more expansive in genre (the shoegaze/etc focus on baatmoia was also a self imposed challenge). technically speaking, a couple songs on here have been on my backburner for years, but they finally found a home here (most of it is still brand new material though). i still feel like this one isnt fully complete - i skidded into that deadline and i think it shows. im planning on fixing it up soon to hopefully actually make it the way id like to keep it.

im so sorry if these answers are like disjointed and rambling, its hard for me to explain because so much of the entire nature of these albums was "intuitive," doing something because i Simply Wanted To, because It Felt Right. if i tried to explain every component, i think itd very quickly turn into incoherent babbling. but thank you for the interest in how i make these!!

[xiaowhore]

VISIONS YOU SAY??? it’s my time to shine ive dedicated my entire being to this

pyro visions are the most simple and are given to people with a passion that they pursue. all visions are technically passion based but pyro is the most straight forward. bennett got his vision for his love of adventure, xiangling for cooking, and yanfei for law. diluc is a special case because he first got his vision at ten for his want to become a knight. he then left his vision to do some criminal network stuff, and took back his vision when he found his new passion, protecting mondstadt(his story has a lot of cool symbolism i love it)

electro visions are given to people with a strong belief in their self. fischl and her prinzessin identity, lisa being a powerful mage, choosing to laze around knowing about the people who have gone crazy on their power, razor with the wolves, beidou achieveing anything that she says she will(defeating the sea monster), and keqing and her not trusting the gods and having a generally alternative way of thinking.

hydro visions confuse me a bit however i believe they are given to people with pure motives. this is a little confusing but bear with me. mona practicing astrology and receiving her vision in the search for the “truth of the world,” xingqiu reviving the guhua clan to follow a chivalrous life, or one like how a hero would. barbra singing to make the people happy and to heal them, childes isn’t very clear to me, it doesn’t specifically state whether his hydro vision is a delusion or if it is just the electro one. i have a threory on delusions if you would like to hear it too.

cryo visions are given to people that have been hurt by the world/ were about to die or have had been stuck at a cross roads. qiqi literally dying wishing that she could freeze time and live, ganyu being torn between the human and adepti world, eula choosing between her ancestors or breaking free of the past, kaeya with both, choosing to stay loyal to mondstadt or khanrei ah (not sure i’m spelling that right) and almost dying in his fight with diluc before receiving his vision.

anemo visions are given to people who want to create a better world. jean and her family motto: for mondstadt, always, and making it become a better place, xiao defending liyue and protecting its people no matter the cost, sucrose practicing alchemy to create a fantasy land, and venti fighting a revolution to go outside of the winds of old mondstadt, creating the new mondstadt to be the place he believed the nameless bard would have loved to be, and then helping vanessa overthrow the aristocracy.

geo visions are given to people who want to better the future for themselves. it is sort of the opposite to anemo, instead of fighting for a better future regardless of yourself, it’s working hard to better the future for yourself. ningguang starting off poor and working her way up to the richest person in teyvat, albedo finding the answer to life through alchemy so he can see his master again and understand himself, noelle in her efforts of become a knight of favonius, and zhongli creating the contract to end all contracts to relieve himself of his duties of being and archon

dendro visions(this is all speculation) are given to people who seek out knowledge for knowledges sake. varka who ignores his job as grand master and goes on constant expeditions, baizhu studying qiqi and medicine to achieve immortality(i think), and yao yao who is supposedly studying under ganyu. also the fact that sumeru has the famous sumeru academia where mona gets a lot of her equipment and where lisa studied

this is all my thinking, but to other people who want to know where i got a lot of this information, look at the descriptions for the ascension crystals. read the description for the full completed crystal for each element, the description shows a quote from the corresponding archon and it gives a vague idea about how visions are given.

-(i don’t know what to call myself)

woahhhh i didn't know it was that in depth,,, they're all so interesting! you'd think they only give out random elements to characters but they fit their personalities so well. makes me excited for future archons too, since their aspirations tie to a corresponding vision. (hydro and cryo in particular interests me)

going off of this, if i were to have a vision (based off a previous ask asking me this but i couldnt answer lol) i think i'd have geo,,,, that's where all the hot people are

[eoharu]

NO WONDER inguk and boyoung actively suggest how to do their scenes and keep doing adlibs because the script really direct NOTHING.

like... what the fuck (?!) (!!) (? look with eyes) supposed to mean. (if it's only once or twice, i can let it slip. but almost in whole script?? im baffled)

this convo is one of example that show how mess up the script is (i saw other receipts ytd but i can't find it anymore, it seems the op went private. but op show various screenshots of how the writer often use (??)). that scene where dongkyung ask myulmang to live with her, the direction given to myulmang is 'look with eyes' and (?!) . That left so many question instead of explain anything. like look with eyes could be expression of sad, anger, literally anything, and one could interpret it differently. I'm amazed at how inguk could find proper expression, like that look of disbelief followed by smirk right after it's not written in the script but it just fit so well for both of his character and the situation. it's his, or director's idea, idk which one but definitely not the writer, when it's obviously supposed to be her job.

that ambiguous script could be confusing af for the actors, but since we have the pro boyoung and inguk here, on top of that the great director, i feel like they're just happily interpret the script freely on their own. and i sincerely agree (and totally get it now) on how inguk said their chemistry is perfect, like boyoung added they almost had no different in opinion (and this statement matters a lot after knowing this fact omg). they let each other decide and follow right after while adding some suggestions. this situation is so risky because the difference in opinion could ruin the filming atmosphere, but instead we see how much boyoung, inguk, and director goof around and how comfortable they're around each other. It's fascinating to see how the script that lack in that area make boyoung, inguk and director bond become so evident. this could be source of problem, but instead the lack in the script show their great teamwork.

now if you thought that just how the script work, i have read dylb's script (which i translated myself thanks to papago & google translate) and sure a writer use (??) and (!!) but it's just once or twice. most of the time writer really give detailed expression like example this scene:

the writer write how they should act; write how the character should feel embarrassed and what kind of embarrassment it is, pressing down the emotion, worries... and it's left to the actors how they interpret & deliver the embarrassment, the suppressed emotion, the worry that mentioned in the script. but with days the actors themselves have to find how they should react first because the writer only write (look with eyes) then act it out. like they literally had to brainstorm what kind of proper reaction they should've gave in the certain situation first before act it out where basic decent script would've written already by the writer. if you think it's excusable because im meari (days writer) is still a rookie, well... ryu bori (dylb writer) is also a rookie too with only one 16eps drama and mini series experience.

it's simply a lazy writing i think and props to the actors because in terms of how they deliver their respective roles, the lacking script didn't affect it at all and characters expressions and relations shown in the drama just went smoothly and perfectly on point.

seriously. after this circulating script spoiler my respect for boyoung and inguk massively increasing... i mention them in particular because they're literally the backbone of this show, whole drama heavily focused on them, and imagine if myulkyung ain't seopark and someone else who couldnt put up with the writer's lazy writing; i'm not sure i can enjoy days so immensely as i am now.

this whole exposure make me want tell seopark that i admire their acting everyday everytime.

for real.

(ps: i still love days, the plot, its banger line, and its life lesson the writer try to show + i still find it interesting and precious (I'll write about it later hopefully i won't lose my motivation halfway) but the writer really needs to work on her script better. and oh NOT TO MENTION about the ending im still so bitter [thanks bboing for the adlib i love you guys SO MUCH], not about the choice, but the way she wrapped it. IT DEFINITELY COULD'VE DONE BETTER whilst still go with og idea. writer, you really has potential. I'll look forward to your next project and see how much you've improved. for now, I'm still bitter you waste bboing's chemi in last ep).

(ps: i compare dylb and days simply to put things into perspective. and i love both immensely so i think i have right to do so).

[generalexcuse]

Alright. I am beating a dead horse here but taking time off of this show and fandom did not work. This will be the last time I ever say something about it but it’s upsetting to me so I need to vent. And to everyone saying “You are an adult man and this is fiction, why are you so obsessed? Weirdo. Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality.” I am going to address these notions as well as other problems I am having here. But really, Inuyasha was one of my first Anime, I have many dear memories and especially Rin was one of my all time favourite characters. Seeing her being mistreated like this upsets me. Ofc it does because if you watch something in formative years it’s not just fiction like a boring sitcom you watch now. Shows and characters are important to people and to simply dismiss it like that even if they would have been equally upset if it wouldnt have become canon, is infuriating. Really this is just therapeutic for me because even after weeks it’s still so baffling to me. Also please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I am not a native speaker.

So the problem is obviously Sessrin and how it’s done because while I absolutely dont agree with this pairing, it would have been fine if it wasnt like it is. 

In the original show, Rin is an 8 yo child and her entire character reflects just that. She behaves like a child and depends on others. She has also been traumatized, doesnt speak at the beginning of the show and dies twice. Both times she is saved by or because of Sesshomaru. In many ways, while she has survival skills on her own, she depends on his presence alone to keep danger away. He also leaves her with trustworthy humans at the end but stays in her life as a protector. Now I like the original dynamic. It’s sweet, innocent and both characters grow because of it. Rin can work through her traumatic experiences, learns to trust others and Sesshomaru becomes a better person.  What happens afterwards only happens offscreen right until Rin gives birth to his children at the crippling old age of 15. 15. My lil sis is 16 now and couldnt consent to something like that. And she is mature af. It’s ridiculous. My blood boils just typing that shit out. And if you give me the ‘it’s legal in Japan’ excuse. In Germany a 14 yo can be with a 20 yo sexually. Still not okay in societies eyes and on tv it’s never shown as something positive. It’s even explicitly forbidden for authority figures like teachers or protectors to be with their protégé before the age of 18 because the chances of even unintentional grooming are too high. 

Now lets take a quick break and discuss how this kind of relationship usually plays out in other fictional pieces. A minor with an adult is something that is being portrayed at times and I dont have a problem with that. The problem is how it’s being done in Yashahime. And I dont mean the nonexisting character development but the fact that even in adult fiction this type of relationship isnt depicted positively. And this show is for young adults and teens that will exist way after all the discourse as the official sequel to Inuyasha. A cult anime. Meaning that in the future young people will watch it. Just like many still watch Inuyasha to this day. It’s on Netflix for fucks sake. Just to preface what comes next.   Some people say, “But cant you differentiate between reality and fiction?!?!?!” Adults can but younger people havent developed this ability to the same extent.   What happened to Rin was statutory r*pe in the USA, illegal even in Germany and should have been depicted as such unless the showrunners and fandom are okay with watching it without criticism or deconstruction. At best it was done with the intention to please the fanbase but really it’s neglectful to anyother part of the present and future audience. Not even most Animes do that. And I get that Sessriners arent into that shit in real life and an adult show could have gone this route because the viewers understand and add the criticism in their heads. Not ideal but whatever to me. But a YA show to go this route is so wrong on so many levels. The younger viewer who will watch this show in the following years might subconsciously internalize that this is acceptable under certain conditions when it’s not criticized properly on the show. That lowers their alertness when an adult actually starts to groom them. How dense do you have to be to assume that the lack of criticism on this YA show is a good thing?? Not everyone who will ever watch this show is an adult or capable of the same reasoning.

But another thing: for the same reason r*pe isnt depicted in a positive light, these types of relationships arent either. Because it’s not a positive thing and most people and showrunners dont want to see or create it as positive. Even in adult fiction, even in other anime, the media critizes and deconstructs what it’s showing because normally the showmakers dont approve but show it for realisitc or dramatic reasons. the same sessrin storyline would fit a fucking horror or thriller series. Just change the music and show it all. No showmakers in their right mind would go “Aye we got a r*pe scene coming up, lets put romantic music and have a pink filter over it.” “But it’s a different time and culture!” People will say and I agree but to have the audacity to assume that back then it was okay or that in todays Japan it’s okay, is fucked up. Think about it for a second. That’s so fucked up to think. Even if the society back then or in Japan thinks it’s okay, does it make it okay? 15 yo girls werent able to consent to adults and bear their children back then. They had to. They were raised with the expectations and they simply grew up thinking that it was the normal thing. But that doesnt make it right. That’s just societal grooming which did not prepare them in any way or allowed them the human dignity that they would have deserved. To now act like it’s all cool to just show the “positive” aspects or to twist it into something positive is so fucked up. Child Brides are a fucked up concept and to portray it as anything else is fucked up and also undermines the experience many girls still have to make. period.

I heard people say that it’s okay to portray it in this way because “Sesshomaru is not human!!!1″ and that’s correct. He is not. BUT, it’s not about being human but about maturity, consens, and independency. Him being a yokai makes it worse imo because there is an obvious power discrepancy. But in this particular fiction a good relationship could have been established (Kagome and Inuyasha for example) on those foundations but they did not because I can only assume they wanted Sesshomaru to smash and the show to pick up at a point where the other characters arent too old to be cool.

“What’s with Sango and Miroku, Kagome and Inuyasha?? It’s the same!” No it’s not. Rin was 8 at the beginning of the show. Kagome was 15 and Sango was 16-17 when they met their significant others. If you now tell me that you think 8 to be comparable to 15-17, I must ask you to get a reality check. Kagome’s and Sango’s relationships were slowburns starting when they already were able to have sexual and romantical feelings. Rin was a child. And Kagome did not kiss Inuyasha until they knew each other for a long ass period of time and bonded as friends and maybe more. Sesshomaru and Rin never were friends in the same way that Kagome and Inuyasha were because the maturity levels are way off. No adult is friends with a little child in the same way they are friends with their adult friends. And normally you dont grow into such a friendship but in the rare case you do, it’s not when she is 15 but maybe 20 or 25. 

Last but not least, Rin is not a character to the audience the same way Kagome or Sango are. Why? Because she was never shown as an adult or 3 Dimensional character to the audience. We know her as a child who wants to be with her trusted group. She is naive, but tough and doesnt have any motivation or drive on her own outside her group. Like every child she clung to the adults around her and her world outside of this group was nonexisting. Kagome wanted to be successful in school, Sango was a demon hunter and wanted to find her brother. Those are motivations and traits that dont circle around the love interest. Rin never had those because she was not developed to that point. Because she was a child and her entire existence was to develop Sesshomaru and to perhaps give the viewer a character to simply adore. What we see is of her: Mistreated child, -> Dead child -> Child being looked after and healing, -> Child not being homeless anymore -> ????? -> Teenager getting knocked up, pumping out main characters and then getting yeeted into a tree. 

This is not the way you treat a beloved character. There is no dignity to her character. “But she is fictional!!1″ Yes she is. But please show me a show that treats its child characters like this without criticizing it. 

I would have loved to see her grow as her own person. Go on her own adventures or learning a craft or developing meaningful bonds with other characters her age. Forming ideas that dont revolve around Sesshomaru alone. You know her being 3 Dimentional and not just there to pump out main characters. And if she then with 20 or 25 met Sesshomaru again and thought he was the hottest shit, I would have been fine with it. Not happy but fine. But in the little time we saw her as ‘not a child’, she still behaved the way she did before. 

[sev-arts]

A post mortem on: Souls Foreclosed Chapter VII

When I started working on this chapter, I had an actual plan of where to take the story not just for this particular segment but for the overarching arc (something I really didnt have for chapters 1-6, aka the "Illuminated Apocalypse" arc). I wanted to make a much longer chapter, in the same vein of Sola Scriptura, but then just weeks into production I let myself get lured into a colossal (and for a while very fun) time sink:

War for Rayuba, an OC wargame set in the universe of Kill Six Billion Demons which had things like deadlines, and interactions with other artists, collaborations, art jams etc. that really kept my foot on the gas pedal for those comics. I hesitate to call it a "hyper fixation" but I sure did dedicate basically 90% of my art effort to it.

Around that time in February/March I also made the transition to a new kind of drawing paper which reacts differently to some of my pens and to fully committing to using blue "photo erase" pencils that did away with the need for an eraser to clean up my sketches.

W4R then delivered a crushing blow to my morale, I was getting chewed out for using the same kind of panel structure I use for this comic to tell the story of my character in it. I switched to a more conventional panel format for it, which made making comics for even faster - all the while sporadically coming back to my neglected baby child, occasionally doing one or two pages. You might be able to tell from the sudden (jarring?) jumps in line quality and stylization choices.

Around the time W4R turned sour for me, I realized that I didnt want to treat my most important work like that. This is where the rewrites started to come in, because I also noticed that taking several long breaks had kind of made me lose track of the plot of Chapter 7 in certain ways, and given me a clearer look in others - which is why the planned split of 4 parts of equal length (Stranded in Goab - Blood and Cinder - Light Bringer - Wicked Hearts) had to be axed. I couldnt let this chapter become my own personal 1 year long fight sequence on the moon, so to say.

Most of the planned story of Light Bringer and Wicked Hearts I threw out, they no longer made sense to me, and the ideas that replaced them didnt really fit as an "ending" to a chapter, which is why I pushed them into their own mini-chapter (3rd Intermezzo).

It's going to be no surprise that most of what I'd planned for chapter 8 got thrown out too and replaced with something I originally intended to just be a side comic starring completely different characters.

So that's where we're at right now. Thank you for reading.

[hellerism]

I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

[projectshadovv]

going through Silent’s story so far, and can I please offer some feedback? Don’t take this to heart or as an insult! I genuinely want to see this story reach its full potential! I’m tryna see how silent is good for the clan, im not blaming her, but a story would usually point out how shit isnt her fault, but it feels like the story is indirectly blaming her for everything that's happened

like, i feel you want Silentshadow to be a nuanced character who sometimes makes the wrong choices that came from a bad place, as well as dark and gritty - But….we haven't been given a reason to care about her or her goals, and her struggles.

And from learning about more of the story’s other characters, Russetstrom and Auburnfur are more interesting characters to relate to; their struggles feel genuine and I can understand why they do the things they do.

I’m not saying to make Silentshadow more of a hero, anti-heros/gritty characters can work. But the overall vibes silent gives is melodramatic and not…. relatable? if that’s how I can even word it, like, maybe having her not becoming leader and being a part of a prophecy can help make her more relatable, have her work hard for her goals and achievements and show readers that you don’t need to be in a high position to make a difference - like, maybe she isn’t the chosen one, but the chosen one of the prophecy (mudnose maybe?) does things wrong or twists the prophecy’s wording to fit his own agenda? I don’t know, just ideas I’m rambling about. Again, I personally just want to see this story reach it’s potential. After all, it’s natural stories usually change plots dramatically before a plot is decided on and finalised.

Again! Please don’t take this to heart! I just wanted to give feedback.

I appreciate the thought and care that made you want to send this ask, and i know it comes from a genuine place, and i do understand your POV, but try not to fret too much! Silentshadow is a very deeply rooted and personal character to me, I used to project thru her, and i still sometimes do, the experiences Ive given her I've tried to evolve into more story like and plot important events.

And also, theres a lot to the overall story you guys don't know about, I have a lot more stuff in the back I just, either havent felt the need to share, or havent been able to- and Silentshadow's story is a story for me, not so much as me trying to make this story FOR anyone else. Its not FOR you, i'm just simply sharing what i want to share with yall, and if yall like it, awesome! If not, totally understandable.

But since you in particular want to see the story flourish, I'm afraid you'll just have to find it in you to keep a lookout. I'm not going to justify or try to prove anything to anyone, not because I don't have everything figured out (although yes some things i dont have figured out), but that, I'm just having fun with it! Silentshadow doesnt have to be your favorite character! She's just a creature trying to live (sometimes suffer- she's intentionally edgy like that)

Try to think of the story as a very loose allegory for dismantling the rich upperclass/goverment. The clans in general are a very basic representation of fascism that an outsider like Silentshadow growing up, wonders what the point of Clans and borders are if all they do is prevent other cats who aren't them from surviving. They took over the forest that all cats were once free to come and go as they pleased (namely cats like Silentshadows fathers, who were left to starve or be chased out or to seek out kittypet life), but now the forests and mountains and rivers are off limits to any resource the clan cats have staked an imaginary claim on.

Forced to live in Clan society, Silentshadow grows angry and bitter at the life she's given and expected to live up to by cats and dead ancestors who aren't even her own. She's treated as a weapon, as someone to use as a trumpcard in the future, not as a clanmate or friend or family member and the realization of that darkens her heart. She's taken in by (clan)cat's who also want to overthrow the clans, but more for their own greed and lust for power and just the wrong reasons.

Silentshadow, as a kit, always wanted to see the Clans come together as one, or to let those who want to roam freely do so. A kit's fantasy dream. But it gets lost along the way when cats like Mudnose and Bearstar are more immediate problems and take up more of the story's time.

Basically though, Silentshadow does humble up and becomes leader to protect the ones she loves, and recruits many good cats along the way that help her dream become a reality. And while it's not realistic that every single Clan cat would be up to simply being a Colony, theyre at least free to do what they want, so long as it doesnt interfere in other's welfare.

There was originally going to be like, have all the leaders still, just all leading together, and Silentshadow is one of them, but I think i'll make it so she decides she never wanted to be leader (more like, she had to), she just wanted to live freely and made the stand to fight for her and others' right to. I think when everything has calmed, her, Cometshine, and Auburnfur decide to travel- something Silentshadow's father loved to do but couldnt since he was raising his kit, and run off into the sunset.

That's a super super super messy and vague way to explain the story, its a very long and drawn out story, but you can kinda tell theres a lot i just dont have time to write out- just this took me like 2 hours. Just trust me when i say theyre all good characters, not the BEST written or have the best reasons or motives, but theyre good and for understandable and SOMETIMES relateable (or not) reasons. Maybe you dont relate to Silentshadow, ok! Maybe Cometshine, maybe Foggycloud, maybe Auburnfur and Russetstorm like you said. I'm trying to make a diverse cast for everyone and also NOT everyone

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Can you do a little text with your opinion about the Volturi members? What you like and dislike, they personality, they story... Would be interesting! Kissessss and have a great day! ��

Imma have a little fun and throw the very young me into the mix to. Let's see child me vs adult me's opinions on the Volturiiii.

Fun fact: I wasn't team Volturi until I was like fifteen. Before that I was team edward... I don't want to talk about that 🤔😒

Also I'm a sucker for villains. If it isn't obvious already, I like the villains more than the heroes. (We all love a bad boy though, don't we?--- TIK TOK NOW IS NOT THE TIMEE.)

So everything i say is just my opinion and should be taken just as that.

Aro: Younger me was like "this...is a terrible person. There really is no need to expand on this." However adult me has been like "GUYS this guy is possibly the SCARIEST character. This man rips off heads AND SMILES ABOUT IT." He gives me child snatcher vibes (from the movies in particular). I thoroughly enjoy the power hungry persona. He's really fitting to be the puppeteer behind the Volturi. Even if he makes it seem it's a group effort with himself, Marcus and Caius. Realistically, Aro gets what he wants and isn't afraid to do what it takes to get it...sorry Didyme. What's even darker about it, WHICH I LOVE, is that he isn't heartless. Smeyer wrote that Aro genuinely loved his sister. It's all good to have a character that's a evil heartless monster but what's more terrifying to me is the ability for someone to do evil despite their love and emotions. It doesn't hold them back and that's what I find particularly frightening now that child me didn't comprehend. Micheal Sheen, from what I remember of his interview years ago, played on the idea that vampires of Aro's age kinda begin to lose their mind. Which, hell freaking yes. However there is one thing I hate for Aro's character that happened in the movies. Breaking dawn part 2. That fucking laugh. Don't get me wrong, hilarious. I can't not laugh but for his character I felt it was too 'hey hey I'm a crazy man hehe'. It was a but too much, even for an eccentric Aro. However, I'm not to mad at it because again, it was funny to watch. I thoroughly enjoy the ‘friendship’ Aro and Carlisle share and i love that it is ‘maintained’ throughout the books. I think it’s just a really nice detail. (I love lore. I am a sucker for it.) The one thing that didnt sit right with me is Aro marrying someone so that he wasnt the alone one whilst his co-leaders were very much in love? Was a little off for me but i suppose that just adds to the character.

Caius: child me would shrink into the seat because what did I do to this man? High key still think I wouldn't want to be Caius' child because imagine doing something wrong and you get that glare? No thank you! Scary angry man. As an adult... "He's an angry boi but...DAYUM WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO HOT?" Just...don't get angry with me. You'll get annoying real quick and you're too pretty for that. I enjoy the taking-no-shit attitude he has but felt it could have been a little more prominent in BDP2 where Aro asks if Caius' is challenging him. I full believe Caius to an extend would be like "yes, yes I am. Don't be an idiot Aro. Use that braincell!" Which is why I adore the meme vibes I see every now and then of Caius hating Carlisle because why does Aro love that blonde so much? CAIUS HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT LOYAL-- Anyways, I can totally get why Aro wants him on his team. Caius is so angry and has so much hatred that he’s a good asset to the coven, even if not having a special ability.I do find it hard to imagine that Caius is a century older than Aro though. Although I cant picture him over forty years old lol. Although i do personally enjoy the whole Caius x Athenodora route. IT’S TRUE LOVE! Okay so maybe thats a little dramatic but its better than Aro’s lmao.

Marcus: movie Marcus is absolutely not nineteen years old and that's just a fact. If anything, he's the forty year old one lmao. Child me couldn't care about this man. He was the man who said nothing and slumped on a throne. That was Marcus. That was his character summed up. Then adult me rolled in and OMG NO DON'T DO THIS TO THIS SWEET MAN. LET HIM BE IN LOVE. As an adult i definitely became more attached. I feel like i was too young back then to get why Marcus was in the Volturi. He seemed very out of place and like a filler co-leader more than anything. However as i’ve gotten older (and written for him), I recognised that's the point. That’s Marcus’ evident grief. He isn’t there by choice and losing Didyme caused him to fall out of line with the coven. He’s lost point or purpose. Almost like its become meaningless because the love of his life was gone and he couldn't save her.So what was the aims of the Volturi to protect vampire kind when they couldn’t protect their own? He couldnt protect her. I had never heard of anything like bond identification and once i had- i was shook, like it became clear why he had been so necessary in the first place. That really is handy to understand everyones bonds in a coven, he could direct Chelsea and the two alone could destroy covens by bonds alone. Marcus makes the Volturi more realistic in a lot of ways. Like in a family, there is the happy times, goofy people like Felix, the twins representing a close bond. Afton and Chelsea, love that cant be divided. The list really goes on. Marcus represents love and heartbreak, pain, loss grief, the sad moments every family goes through. In that way he makes the coven seem less invincible, a group of people who at the end of the day, have their own weaknesses and immortality doesn’t mean a perfect existence. Especially when, in my opinion, Bella fantasized about immortality and how perfect it would be. Even after her change, she waited for her happy ending because that was somehow guaranteed in some level. Which in the end, she got but not everyone gets that happy ending we all want. I also personally think Marcus is the most feeling of the Volturi, despite being apathetic. A result of heartbreak. It’s shown he can still feel more in his own ways when he voted against Renesmee being destroyed. Furthermore, he advocated that vampire hybrids were a lot like vampires. He made that relation openly before anyone. Its almost as though losing Didyme helped him value a life?

Jane and Alec: Child me thought these two were  badass...and that still remains in my adult life. It’s always been uncomfortable to me that someone so young is so sadistic and powerful. Jane is the older twin with the ability of pain illusion...yikes. Her ability was evident in her human life along with Alec’s. His gift is sensory deprivation and these two were my favourites in the whole Saga. Still kind of are if im honest. I thoroughly enjoy the twins backstory. It has the most detail. I have a tag for the twins. Canon!twins is the tag for the twins in their book age. Unless this tag is present, the twins have been aged up :). They are very much canon but I put a bit more emphasis on tantrums. If they get angry, they both have tantrums. So whilst (unless tagged) they aren't children they can be very childish and these tantrums are pretty deadly. They’re also very possessive? I dont even know if thats the right word i’m looking for in all honesty. Lets say they get very attached if they like you. These two are probably the most secluded out of the whole Volturi.

Felix: Felix! High ranking guard due to strength and speed. I am a major supporter of Felix being a gladiator when he was human. He as a lighter grey cloak meaning he isn’t as high ranked but is so good at what he does that he’s been kept for centuries...and a lot of them. Personality? FINALLY, WE’VE GOT ONE WITH PERSONALITY!! (Im writing these out of order and i’ve just finished a chunk of Volturi members who have personalities as invisible as Afton.) Flirtatious and Light hearted, we love flirtatious and light hearted! Basically a comedian! Helllll yes, keep it going! Extremely vicious and highly aggressive? You know what? I still like it. He wouldn’t be a Volturi without a dark side. Cold blooded murderer. Yes. 10/10. Finally, someone Smeyer seems to actually care about. He flirted with Bella a couple of times in the books and i was FOR IT ALL THE WAY. I was very sad i saw none of it in the movies but im used to heartbreak by now. Im in this fandom after all. We were robbed of a lot. Strongest vampire in the world? I believe you, he’s also a hecking treeeeee. HE DO BE A TALL BOI. He actually makes Demetri look small and that’s still hilarious to me. Demetri is actually tall. However, if it isnt obvious we clearly traded backstory for personality. I cant get both smh. So...as i said before I fully believe Felix was a gladiator back in the day, hence his physique and height and excellent fighting abilities he has even as a vampire but then it kind of ends. I will say from the dawn of time, i don’t think Felix is the most academic man, just because of his era. I also think majority of the Volturi couldn’t read of write in their human lives and had to learn much older, most learning as vampires. Felix was one of these vampires, Although even now he isnt the most great at it. Then a wonderful writer known as @wallwriterstuff included it and now it’s canon in my eyes. I fully believe Felix is a slow reader and writing isn’t his strong suit either. Wallwriter also includes the possibility that Felix could be dyslexic which im all for too. For a very long time i’ve considered writing a dyslexic reader with the Volturi but have always hesitated because i don’t have it and wouldn’t want to upset someone for any misunderstandings or inaccuracies. However what i will say is that i think vampires would be the most understanding to humans with dyslexia. Learning things like that in later development or as an adult is difficult and they wouldnt think any less of you for struggling with reading, writing, numeracy- you name it. You’ll probably find they’re with you in the struggle at least half of the time. He’s also the goofball of the Volturi, even though he’s not really a goofball in our eyes, he’s the closest to a goofball out of the whole Volturi ...Emmett beats him in the Goofball wars.

Demetri: Oh yeah, it's Demetri's turn! So Demetri was previously in Amun's coven. When Chelsea gave him the old razzle dazzle...I've said Chelsea's gift so many times at this point it's getting old. I have two characters left after Demetri 😂😂 Anyway, with that Demetri was like "welp, I'm in the Volturi now." And now that they had a better tracker the previous one was kicked out. He isn’t much of a talker, polite and formal. He’s elegant (more graceful than i could ever be) and charming...yeah he is, you can say that AGAIN. He is also very calm, when next to Felix, i think everyone is calm but you know, we’ll say he’s a very calm person. I like how he was originally in the Egyptian coven with Amun. Given Amun’s goals this a pretty nice detail. NOW LETS GO TO MY VERSION. He’s very charming, calm, polite, formal and even a lil’ but quiet, i kept him pretty canon because he actually had a description to go on :))))))))))  Moving on. Demetri can be a very successful flirt when he wants to be and does have a Casanova reputation. However beyond the charming Volturi guard who has a brutal side like the rest of them, he has a chewy centre, deep down. I added that he had a child in his human life, one he doesn’t remember and very few people know about. He remembers that they died of an illness very young (around six?) but can’t remember what they look like. For that reason he doesn’t like talking about his child, he feels awful he doesn’t remember them and the loss still hits a pang in his chest. 

Heidi: Alright im ready for this one! Child me didn’t necessarily enjoy Heidi? I was rather passive about her. It was all ‘pretty vampire used for her looks’ in my eyes back then and i was never comfortable with that. I’ll get into my take on Heidi in a moment, roll on the backstory!  So Heidi knew Victoria as they used to be coven mates and we’re going to continue on as though Heidi didn’t care when she was killed? Like...its genuinely a burning question in my mind! If she didn't care, could that show the extent of Chelsea’s power in action!? (can we tell im enthusiastic about this coven yet?) It’s quite smart to have someone lure in prey. I wont lie, Heidi has quite the badass role in the coven. I wouldn't have thought about that I reckon. I’ve always thought that showed a kind of superiority. Oh you guys need to hunt your prey? pfft, ours literally comes to us. Her backstory really starts with Heidi being mistreated in her human life...a common theme Smeyer has. It can get old- i wont lie but when i give it some thought it kind of makes sense. Rosalie said it herself in eclipse, if any one of them had their happy ending, they’d be six feet under but i’d love a little bit more creativity. I could go on about how male vampires ended up being changed in comparison to female vampires but i’ll swiftly move on because that’s a whole other thing alone. Heidi was changed out of pity. (Which kinda infuriates me just to type, a pity change? Really? Really Hilda? we’ll see why it annoys me when i explain my take on Heidi.) Heidi was happy in her coven with Hilda, Victoria etc, which is hell yes. We love that. This is around the time she discovered her gift. Vampires were attracted to her and humans fell prey to her easily. Yup okay. I’ll take that. After a newborn vampire caused ‘too much attention’ Aro spared Heidi and Chelsea used her gift on Heidi. Nice, very nice aaaaand that’s where it stops and im left hanging.  Personality time with Smeyer! Lets goooo.  From what i remember and can find- she didn’t fucking have one. Apparently being pretty is enough for everyone.  Which in hindsight, fair enough on a human Bella’s perspective, its literally Heidi’s gift to lure you in no matter what. She could tell you she’s a serial killer (and technically is lmao) and is about to sell your kidneys on the black market as to which you’ll be like ‘sign me the fuck up, want my liver too? Here, let me lie on the table for you. I’m down.’ without even realising what just happened. But even beyond that...Heidi has no personality traits mentioned. In New Moon she appears to be a little flirty which im all for, why the hell not? But...thats it? Thats all I get? Then we get into fanfictions, because i read them growing up. Heidi was depicted as flirtatious, promiscuous and then it varied between manipulative or she wasnt very smart. Which i’m knocking absolutely no one for. I think you can get a badass character who is incredibly dumb. I think all characters are actually valid whether they’re a genius or flat out dumb. I love them all. However it never really sat with me. I was never quite satisfied which i was fine with until i started writing for myself. That’s when i knew i’d have to really think about what my version of Heidi would be or i’d never be happy with my work. That and you also begin to fill in the blanks? The more you write the more you flesh out a character for yourself and so that rolls into my version of Heidi! So for my Heidi, she often gets the same trope of ‘she’s pretty and rich, those types of girls have easy lives who always had everything given to them.’ Then when it’s discovered she didn’t have a good human life. It turns to the next assumption of ‘oh she’s pretty and stupid enough to be used and manipulated’. In a lot of ways, that’s what Heidi wants everyone to think. Underestimate her, please, its all the easier to manipulate you if you do.  She’s actually very smart and her rough human life made her more tough and intelligent. She’s very manipulative and yes she’s very flirty. You can look but you cant touch! She enjoys the attention her beauty gets her but if only these people would care more about what she’s like as a person. She’s not a barbie doll she will play you if she needs to. The only one who’s actually gotten far enough to sleep with Heidi is Demetri and even then the two don’t see each other romantically. They’re good friends who thinks the other is very attractive but that's where it ends. They’re basically friends with benefits some times lmao. However, Demetri got that far because he see’s the intellect Heidi actually has and acknowledges it. He thinks shes a queen who should be treated as such. She could take anything she wanted, a storm that people can only hope to survive in one piece.  Secretly she enjoys a family setting. Whilst she never really wanted children (especially when she was expected to when human), she couldn't help but melt inside seeing little human children with their loving parents. She wants that for all children. Whether that's because she lacked such affection growing up, no one knows. She’s also a really good friend, you bet she’ll have your back. Crappy ex? Well we’ll show them, wont we (Y/N)? She’ll be a bitch and enjoy every second of it. She also loves the single life, believe it or not, you’ll have more difficulty getting Heidi to settle down than you would Demetri which speaks volumes.  So yeah, move past her gift and really get to know her and you might have a very good friend.  I also don’t see Heidi having a preference between male or females and that’s in all honesty. Times have changed and if she is attracted to another female then she wont be ashamed of it. She never has been (Demetri was the first to figure that out, Felix may be the last.) Even when the times weren’t approving of different sexualities, she didn't care. She will flirt with you and find it ridiculously cute if you get flustered.

Sulpicia: Sulpicia was an orphan which i used to develop my own version of her. Sulpicia grew to love Aro which im on the fence about but yup, i’ll take it. You’ll see what happens with my version in a bit lmao. and that’s where it stops. I get no personality again but do you know what we do in this fandom? We create one and fill in the blanks baby! So i write Sulpicia very materialistic and vain, she’s most snobbish of the wives and due to the other two, also considered the meaner one. She didnt have such things as a child being an orphan so when she got the opportunity to have it-she jumped. She isnt easily impressed and married Aro not for love but for immortality, money and status. (He’s only married you for your money, princess Jasmine! HE ONLY MARRIED YOU FOR YOUR MONEY! Damn it tik tok, but make it princess Aro) Which works well, because Aro doesnt necessarily love her either, he just wanted a mate so he wasnt the odd one out.He literally created her because he was like “Yup, you’ll do.” The two recognised they made a great team and image so they kinda grew to love each other? A little bit? Sure we’ll say its love...sorta. ANYWAY, It’s a highlight to Sulpicia being locked in that tower where she doesnt need to see Aro every little moment, it’s better than having a husband who she’d need to see everyday. ...Yeah my Sulpicia is something else lmao.

Athenodora:  Athenodora is one of the oldest vampires in existence which kinda has me shook but I'll take it. She met Caius when he was fleeing from the Romanians, the two travelled together until they met Aro. Whilst on their nomadic travels they seemingly became mates. That's all we know about that. As to which the Volturi coven was made. Athenodora is completely loyal to Caius as well as highly dependent on him and I think that's very realistic given her circumstances. That's where their story ends...maybe for Smeyer but not for me! 😁 So I picture Caius and Athenodora being different sides of the same coin. Athenodora really mellows Caius, she is no where near is violent and sadistic as he is but due to her unwavering loyalty and dependency, she doesn't feel inclination to go against him...also because of Chelsea and Corin but I've said that so many times in this post I think we get the point. I think she's actually more gentle and soft spoken but that being said. She is very reserved and if she were to be angered she'd very much change. She could cut you down with words alone. Caius loves it. However beyond this is someone who is very maternal. Caius would appreciate it more if the two had children but instead it has created empathy. Caius doesn't want that when he can rip their head off. She struggles a little more with the 'no second chances' and that's another reason why Caius keeps her locked away and away from it. These two love each other more than words can describe. After being through so much with someone, the love can only grow. The two would happily risk their life for the other. Caius is saddened that he could never give her the family she wanted. He knows that to this day, Athenodora tries to reign in that side of her. He's a very supportive husband who's very different around his wife. He's much more tolerant, and angry. Simply more at ease. If anything happened to Athenodora, to put it simply...there would be hell to pay.

Didyme: Married to Marcus and Aro’s biological sister. Cute, me likely, keepy going. Her gift was happiness induction. VERY ADORABLE- Dont be as menacing as your brother...please. She was born several years after Aro and was changed by Aro ten and a half years after he was turned. (Dont tease me with all this lore Smeyer, I know what you’re gonna do) Aro was deeply disappointed her gift was just to make people happy- its okay Didyme, we love you. Aro is just...Aro. Her gift made many fall in love with her and its so freaking cute i CANT- but she only felt the same feelings for Marcus. MY HEART IS SO WARMMMM. Unfortunately they were so happy together that they lost interest in anything Volturi and were ready to leave. (Uh oh.) Aro, being the sneaky fellow he is, was like “I’m really happy for y’all of course you can leave. I love you my babies. My best friend and my sisterrrrrrr, I am the captain of this SHIP.” but was actually like “wait, no, no, no, not my Marcus. D-D-Did-Didyme I NEED him.” Think Sid the Sloth from ice age in the first movie when Sid really wants the baby. So this man is like...gonna have to do it to em and murder. He killed Didyme secretly (dunno how he pulled the secret part off- like i know how he did it but how did no one hear or see anything or even suspect anything IT WAS LITERAL FRIENDLY FIRE but we love the drama so continue.) Ironically enough she was very close with Aro and the two actually did love each other, Aro is just...murderous apparently, to the extent that even his sister isnt safe. And that’s it. That’s Didyme. Which im like...alright Smeyer i see you. I like this and expanded on this with my Didyme.  i get the vibes that Didyme is the most innocent and kind of all the Volturi. Losing her meant losing the consciousness within the Volturi making them all the more ruthless because there was no one to say. “Guys, maybe lets rethink this? and quickly because i cant get Caius to put down the torch thats currently on fire.” Losing Didyme made Marcus mostly become passive and would rarely stop anything that happened. I often wonder if that provoked a lot of guilt for Marcus later on. (However thats a spoiler for something im currently writing...;) ) I also think of her as a major daydreamer and the most soft, gentle person anyone will ever meet. Like its difficult not to like her despite being in the Volturi, even the Romanians would have struggled if they met her. So in the long run...i hate nothing about Didyme, only find more and more love lmao.

Corin: So im going to be honest and tell you i have no idea what Corin would look like. I’ve got nothing and when i was younger i wasnt even sure if Corin was male or female. Like a lot of these names, i had never heard of the name ‘Corin’. I dont write for her as of yet because im still trying to figure her out. I think she’s quite quiet, she lets her gift do most of the work for her in keeping the wives, Chelsea and Caius when he doesnt get to go on a rampage, content. She was brought in also after Didyme died but Marcus refused her gift.That’s all i’ve got for her. Her gift is amazing, pretty underrated in my personal opinion since like Chelsea, she really helps keep the Volturi unified but other than that, I dont have much to say about her. :(

Afton:  Another character i basically filled the blanks in for myself. So what we’re told is that he’s Chelsea’s mate and has the ability to disappear . Whilst thats a pretty cool trick...the volturi dont necessarily need it but they have to keep Chelsea happy and she demands that Afton stays so welcome to the family Afton! I also recently learned that if you hide behind Afton and he goes invisible infront of an opponent, you too will also be invisible. I figure that is until the opponent moves and basically changes their perspective but i could be wrong with that last part. That’s all we get so time for my unnecessary input!  SO AFTON IS A TOTAL SWEETHEART. He’s very shy but polite. This is a complete opposite to his mate Chelsea. It’s actually what she liked about him. At first is was just be flirtatious to the shy vampire but when she actually got to know him... she fell hard. It was also Chelsea who had made the first move since Afton was so shy. Of course she’d never say so and Afton would never want to embarrass her so that was never really disclosed to anyone who wasn’t around at that time. She brings Afton out of his shell a lot and it wasn’t long before the two were mates. Chelsea is the light of his life. Hands down. He puts up with a lot for her and is happy to do so. She could ask anything of him and he’d do it and she doesn’t even need to use her gift. He buys are anything she wants almost instantly. He cant help but adore her passionate personality, like how hooked she can get on era’s such as the 1920′s, her love for jazz music and her ability to gush on and on about anything. The two had what the other lacked and that made them an excellent team. I love their relationship. I cant help it. However, as i said before Afton is very shy and tends to keep to himself. Sadly that, paired with Chelsea’s demand to keep him in the Volturi has left Afton a little bit outcasted. All the other permanent guards were wanted and considered important whilst Afton...not so much. Although that isn’t to say the other guards are mean to him or anything. They aren’t! (Except the twins who are...the twins.) Felix and Demetri tried to include him a lot but it was very difficult to break him out of his shell. That doesn’t mean to say they wont invite Afton when he’s around. Chelsea always appreciates their efforts. Afton is notably good friends with Santiago, who often preferred solitude as well. 

(Guard to the left is who I imagine Afton is)

Chelsea: So supposedly Chelsea’s original name is Charmion? When i was younger i didnt really care much about her. I only really knew her gift and that she was the reason Afton was kept in the Volturi, since they were mates. From what im aware Chelsea basically wasnt in the movies/not identified. There wasnt much said about her in the books either. So since then i’ve kind of developed my own persona of Chelsea that could be completely inaccurate to canon but canon was my foundations with characters like these. She was always a red head in my eyes with ringlets, a copper kind of red head. I also pictured her to be small. However the newest addition to her character would have to be the mid-Atlantic accent. I blame Poppy Hill for this one. That character screamed Chelsea to me. She was very close to how i imagine Chelsea to be. So now Chelsea has an accent that i have no clue how she managed to maintain being in Italy so long and being born in Greece. LMAO. We’ll say she was very attached to that time. However, I think the time she joined the Volturi was actually very good for the story. She first came around just after Marcus had lost Didyme and Aro had her use her ability to keep Marcus in the coven. it’s really cool how she could really make or break the coven. Although, Aro was smart enough to not fully rely on her, using Corin’s ability on Chelsea to make sure she’d be happy and stay within the Volturi. Thats where the information on Chelsea really ends Over the years Chelsea has appeared in my writing and so beyond this point, Chelsea’s character is only my depiction.  I figure Chelsea is a talker, like she can talk her way in and out of situations with ease. She enjoys being manipulated and even more so, being needed.Much like her gift, she gets under people’s skin- not in terms that she’s annoying but more so she can figure out people very well. Her mate is the complete opposite and so she often speaks on the behalf of them. Chelsea is very social and charismatic. She along with Heidi are the only two Volturi members who will be out and interacting with humans if necessary. Heidi for her ability but Chelsea purely for her social skills. She’s also the most interested in human culture. She loves the parties- the 1920′s being her favourite era in terms of fashion. She has no issue changing her name and has done so multiple times when the names run out of fashion.It’s like playing dress up! I’d actually love to write more about her. I’ve really grown to love her character, even if i filled in some blanks for myself. I think she and Afton’s relationship is one of the best, up there with Carlisle and Esme- despite the two being very different. It’s a part of their dynamic!

(I always imagined Chelsea to be a red head but Poppy Hill from THOHH is a very close depiction to Chelsea in my eyes)

Renata: A stressed little bean that lives on stress. I remember thinking when i was younger she was the big threat since she was Aro’s shield but now that im older i see...a stressed little five foot bean. I have no idea what she looks like but always imagine her dark hair tied in a tight bun, looking almost painful. Another who wears heels, like Heidi but she is very rigid just as she has been described. Her uncle is a bit of an ass considering he begged her to go with the Volturi so there wouldn’t be a threat. Dude, can you not just...hand over your niece? At least hesitate! Just like that, thanks to Chelsea, she’d give her life to protect Aro and...I have nothing else. Yes it does drive me mad that there are two named guards i know next to nothing about.

Santiago:So what’s known about Santiago is that he doesn’t actually have an ability. He’s just very good at battle techniques and fighting which is why he’s kept around. If they need fighters, they’re top three are Felix, Demetri and Santiago...in that order. Santiago is also much faster than a regular vampire (as shown in breaking dawn part 2- he caught up to Jacob and Renesmee quite fast despite the two having a running start and wolves supposedly being very fast- much like a vampire) That’s all we know of him so then i got in there and this is how I write Santiago. I gave him the background of coming from a superstitious family. Like he would be told tales of demons and witches growing up as well as things like voodoo. He knew an awful lot of urban legends and whilst he stopped believing in the bad luck his family taught him, he still held interest and couldn’t help the instinct of unease when witnessing such things as rituals. It’s ironic really. However Santiago always deems that humans have it all wrong. These forces are beyond human understanding and shouldn’t be played with. In that way, perhaps Santiago still has some belief in things such as superstition. He’s very secretive about it and would never clarify it for you. Santiago keeps to himself and can be quite standoffish. He can also be blunt even if it’s insulting- he doesn’t tend to care. Although he and Afton became quite good friends since the Afton was an outcast and Santiago didn’t enjoy large groups, or most people in general.

[devertigozation]

My matryoshka theory

about this post - https://devertigozation.tumblr.com/post/189485408602/kuma-la-la-i-couldnt-decide-which-version-i and my tags under it.

So. I’ll start right from the top, so as not to miss anything, and will pull this theory forward by strings, so hold on with me, seeing as I don’t know how much of the knowledge on which this theory is based is considered to be common knowledge.

So, let’s start from the beginning. Grrm is fairly well-known for his kill-the-main-character kind of trope (yes, I’m going to take this from beginning-beginning, but this is important so bear with me). He’s been famously criticized for this choice, and to the critics, he has said that even though he kills the main characters, their lines/narratives/arcs don’t just randomly disappear with those murders (so, the deconstruction of the most well-known trope is deserved, grrm argues) - those lines are being inherited or being passed to another character who absorbs the narrative of his predecessor.

Let’s look at this through the narrative of the character who has been first victim of this trope, and who’s death (arguably) is one of the most important/purest in establishing the rules by which grrm deconstructs the trope. Ned Stark.

-I’ll hide the rest bc this is growing to be a monster -

Ahead I present you a matryoshka narrative theory.

So Ned’s line - he goes to the South in order to uncover the plot of Arryn’s murder. He uncovers that Robert’s children are not his legitimate heirs, but Jaime’s, which’s why Jon Arryn’s been murdered, and same happens to Ned Stark. So even though (famously) Ned Stark is the reason why the rebellion for Northern independency has begun, Ned himself never wished to set that particular line in motion, never had that goal in himself. But - his work undermined the power of the person who sits on the Iron Throne after Robert’s death. So Ned discovered that the “official” heir to Robert isn’t an actual heir.

This is also grrm and so there are actually some pretty cool moments in which the continuation is foreshadowed - Robert mentions that Ned should’ve sat on the throne, the rebellion against the crowd itself ended well for Baratheons who got the throne, but Starks got nothing (redistribution towards fairness is something that grrm surprisingly tries to do in his story).

Robb Stark who has begun his rebellion, first in the name of his father/demanding freedom to his father+sisters, after Ned’s death has inherited Ned’s line, and continued it - saying that Joffrey isn’t the King for the North. And now, comes the most important part of my matryoshka theory. Even though the real matryoshka dolls get smaller with their uncovering, it is grrm and so the narrative doesn’t get smaller, but each new doll as it opens up gets bigger. Robb Stark, quite naturally, grows that narrative out - and Northern Independence gets added to the line. (So if it isn’t Joffrey, who is the King for the North? Answer gets clear, Northerns can’t support neither Renly, nor Stannis, it must be a Stark).

Next, Robb’s clear heir is Jon, we know it - the books had Robb officially establishing Jon as his heir, and TV-series already hailed Jon as KITN.

How much can we trust the TV-show? Well, obviously lots of changes, but I think some big plotlines were given by grrm and had to be hit - Bran will be King, North will get independence and Sansa will be the Queen in the North. And Jon will be, for a time, a King in the North. (I don’t, by the way, believe how Battle for the Dawn was depicted - like I don’t necessarily believe that this is the way in which it will go, and Arya might not be Azor Ahai, though I’d really like that, I rather really like the idea that Bran is the Night King, y’kno, but that’s not for here…)

So, Jon is Robb’s heir, and he will inherit also Robb’s line, which at this moment is Northern Independence.

This kind of narrative line, which will get with every heir more complicated, and in which every heir will add something to the line, I think will continue with Jon, and subsequently with Sansa (considering the she ends being QITN, she is the natural heir to the Northern Independency narrative). My prediction is that Jon will add another thing to the ~Stark against the Throne/North line~ - he will add the wildings line. (TV-series definitely didn’t explore that, but I think grrm will explore something through wildings - Jon who’s lived with them, Jon who fell for one of them and could even become their king, those things aren’t some empty promises, they lead somewhere). Perhaps Jon will establish North as even greater region (esp. considering that the wall will fall) - it will be North all the way through the wild region.

And now - I consider Sansa to be the true/last heir to that narrative (established and cannoned in TV-series), so what will she add? In my opinion she will be a needed/healing link for North - she will be the person who will at long last establish good relationships with Six Kingdoms (basically established in TV-series), she will end the war between two regions through her connection to both of them. While her predecessors have ripped North away from 7K, she will heal the relationship between the torn regions - while recognizing the need for Independence, she will also recognize the need to stop the war, this is why she is the most ~Southern~ of Starks, her Southerness is important for the North. (Appearance wise, it is a bit interesting, too. In this line we have Ned, first, who looks Northern - and he begins by undermining Southern King in the South; second Robb, who looks Southern - who will start Northern Independence; and the two last ones will flip out the established routine, Jon, who looks most Northern, will add further North to the North line, and Sansa, who looks most Southern, will establish good relationship with the South).

But what is truly cool about this narrative, I write it as I realize it, is that it isn’t some thing that has only the big line in it - Northern Independence, but it has some consequences to the characters themselves and the way in which their lines will progress. And what I mean by that, is that Jon, for example, has struggled to identify himself - he feels a bastard, he tries to establish himself as a brother of the Night’s Watch, becomes a wildings, a lord, he has a chance to become a King of free folk, he declines the chance to be Lord Stark, he will become Targaryen and through it a Southerner, and heir to the Iron Throne, it is a big theme for Jon, the person, - the self-search. The fact that he will be an heir to this line, will either form another question which he will have to resolve for himself - is he the true Stark? Is he the King in the North, after all, or will this become yet another identity which he will try, but that won’t fit him either. I still don’t know what the show’s finale actually meant for Jon - he won’t be, after all, a King in the North, no more than he will be King of Six Kingdoms. Maybe it will be a modern way of grrm establishing that after all, we aren’t meant to be heirs to our identity, getting them from our parents or our guardians, but are meant to establish them ourselves, and this is why, after all searches, he will be a brother of night’s watch. So this self-search will end in realization that we can’t search for who we are, but we have to make choices as to who we will be. Jon’s first choice is the one most important in establishing him as a person. It of course, will require another choice for Jon - he will have to choose Night’s Watch again in the end. It will also be important because for Jon it was actually a very important dream of his - to be his father’s true son, to be Robb’s true brother, to be real protector of Sansa, because she, too, is his sister. For him to be in this line, will be healing for him, and maybe, even more important, is that he will also be able to leave that dream behind him, to have a chance at becoming a true Stark, but choosing to be Jon.

But what is also cool is that to the second most important question of the show (after - who is the best ruler? the answer’s Bran and everything he symbolizes), the - who is the true Stark? (and everything that symbolizes), the answer is - Sansa. And it means a lot to Sansa, the character - who, too, struggled with self-identity (Joffrey’s bride, little bird, Lannister, Alayne, that grey girl?). She will remember that she is a true Stark (ahh let’s imagine a Lion King moment - Remember who you are! will tell her Ned Stark reminding her to kill Littlefinger), but it is even more important to the readers, who fell for Starks above all else, and everything Starks are meant to be - the good family, good morals, perseverance, connection to the nature and culture (First People), inner strength in the face of hardships, survival, etc, for all of the readers who fell for Starks, the answer as to who is the grandest of Starks, who is the true Stark, the answer is - the little girl who dreams, who falls in love and cares for songs and chivalry.

So, not only this narrative explores the grand theme of the plot - North region, it also explores the identities of the characters, but also through that quest establishes some important answers for the readers - that we choose our identities, that there is a great source of strength in dreaming and being kind, through the fact that the heir to the harshest/strongest line is a kind, sensitive girl.

So this is what my tag has been about - “A pretty cool matryoshka-type of narrative in which literally Ned and Robb are literally pulled apart to give way to their heirs”. This is the narrative. And they are literally pulled apart and from it springs their heir.

What I meant by other tags is that similar narrative lines have concluded in some other surviving Starks. For example, the most important question of the show is - who is the best ruler?, explored through Ned Stark, Tyrion, Robert, Stannis, Daenerys, Robb, Jon, Renly, Tywin and the answer to it turned out to be Bran. (!)

I think that Caitlyn’s line is the another important theme for the show/book. It is well known for it’s cruelty, for it’s savageness, explored through (long before Caitlyn) Joffrey, Ramsay and his father, Cersei, Tywin, Mountain, Daenerys will fall here. Caitlyn’s line will establish her as another terror of war - that sometimes the most savage/terrible of the characters are not necessarily bad (like Joffrey and Ramsay). I do think that Caitlyn’s consequent murders will become so graphic and terrible that they will be comparable to Joffrey and Ramsay’s. Plus - a lot of crimes do get committed for the religion and Arya from her little (cult) trip will be an answer to that, too. Arya will inherit and be the last in the line of cruel people, the little girl who’s seen terrors of war, and we will be forced to question just where exactly does the line of good and bad people lie (tv were too cowardly to explore that). Plus - Arya is probably the younger, more beautiful queen from Cersei’s prophecy (Cersei will grow uglier bc of something, this how Arya will be more beautiful, or Arya will pull the face of Lyanna or some other face), she’s been near enough in the show, too, during Cersei’s death, so she is also the heir to Cersei’s line - the cruelty and madness, where it begins and what can we do with it? And I think (though this is one of the under-developed thoughts) that the answer to the theme of cruelty and madness and crimes of war will not only become an answer to that plot, but to Arya herself, and through her - an answer to the readers.

Anyhow, I think, that’s enough, it is already a monster, but please go on asking me about my theories, because this’s been f.u.n.! (ask me about Weasley twins if you’re hp fan)

[redwoodrroad]

i feel like i never have time anymore but afnskncjs one thing i’ve been thinking about lately is eridunis’s particular form of necromancy—i think primarily he focuses on minions that look entirely like the game models, but what he feels, what gives him his power, is this internal coldness he’s always had

i think ever since he was a kid, he’salways been really sensitive to the cold—not to mention, environmentally he’s sort of been raised such that summers were always easier than winters—and i think that really lends to his magic. not to be dramatic but i think his fear of the cold and discomfort and eventual hatred for it unlocked something that led into his unique iteration of necromancy, right; like im also thinking of how there are certain skills linked with coldness, to include the #1 skill for greatswords or the reaper’s elite skill shout, “chilled to the bone.” i just think it’s pretty fitting in terms of game mechanics AND thematically as i’ll describe—

i think this extends to his general physicality and like.... getting around in the world. his internal body temperature is probably significantly lower than the average human’s because of this innate magic living inside him, magic that itself is very cold, and it causes him to feel sort of like he can never really be warm enough unless he concentrates on tamping down that magical well and directing it somewhere other than his core instead of shivering everywhere he goes. all of this is to say that it is PURPOSEFUL that he wears such warm clothing all the time—like the aurora armor he wore between season 1 and season 3 and the winter solstice outfit he’s been consistently wearing since then

i think the cold also lends to his asthma? which is something i havent really talked about with him either, but he has asthma! it mostly becomes exacerbated when he’s fighting—i was originally inspired by the built-in thing human player characters say when theyre low on health which is “can’t... breathe...” and like i use to have major trouble breathing when i was a kid + running during gym class or when i played sports (but it wasnt ever established medically as asthma so i couldnt get out of any of it), SO i incorporated that into eridunis as well, and now i think it also lends to this idea of coldness being eridunis’s experience with his magic

so that’s ! all i really have to say on this for now. may write some more stuff up later to include how he deas with his asthma as he gets into bigger and badder fights, how arkus helps him, how others react when they find out their commander has this major disability, and how ultimately while it gets in the way and prevents him from doing some things, it’s just something he works around and copes with like everything else. this is also a tangent from the original point of this post, but i thought it was still pretty pertinent. thank you for reading! and happy bday to my boy 🥰

[shy-marker-pliers]

The Adventures Of Eric Derekson Chapter 10 | A Conversation That Should Have Happened A While Ago And A Very Long Story Titile That’s Stating To Sound Like That Of A Fall Out Boy Song.

Warnings: none that i can think of

Relationship: Heric

Characters: Host, Eric, Bim, cameos from several other Egos

Eric was nervous. duh.

On this particular day, he was nervous because he had a big problem. A big, tall, handsome, trenchcoat-wearing problem. The Host. He had been Erics very best and closest friend (and not so secret crush) for months now. If he didn’t tell The Host how he felt sometime soon he would explode.

And therein lies the rub. because if he told The Host how he felt and got rejected, he’d never be able to talk to him again. He couldn’t take that chance, never. And so, he suffered and suffered, until one day, he couldn’t take it anymore and sought help from the manor’s self-proclaimed relationship expert.

Bim trimmer. Who was also, coincidentally, the manor’s not-so-self-proclaimed gossip hound. But Eric didn’t really know who else to go to, so there he stood, outside of Bims bedroom door.

The door flew open the second he knocked. and there stood Bim, wearing nothing but polka dotted leggings, knee high boots, and a glittery purple scarf, for some reason.

“Eric! What a pleasant surprise! Sorry for not being as put together as I usually am, but i was cleaning out my closet, which basically means that I try on everything in it and throw away what isn’t in season anymore.”

“O-Oh, i’m sorry, i didn’t know you were busy...i don’t wanna be a bother, i’ll come back another time-“

“Nonsense! a quiet lil’ cutie like you could never bother me!” Bim wrapped an arm around Eric’s shoulders and guided him into the room, which, to Eric, looked like the place where New York fashion week went to die. there were clothes of all kinds scattered everywhere. well, except for a little couch up against the wall, which was where Bim was taking him.

The gameshow host snapped his fingers. Inexplicably, the room was suddenly spotless, and he was wearing his usual attire of a three piece suit and tie.

“There. Much better.”

“But don’t you wanna finish going through your clothes...?”

“oh, I never throw away anything in my closet anyway. i’m sure if you went far enough in there you’d find some stuff from the ‘40s. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Um...you’re t-the ‘relationship expert,’ right?”

“The one and only.”

“...Okay. B-Before I tell you anything, y-you have to promise me you won’t t-tell anybody.”

“Aww!”

“Please, Bim..?”

“Fine. You’re lucky you’re too cute to say no to.”

“T-Thank you. Now um...I kinda sorta like somebody.”

“Do tell.”

“Okay, okay...i-it might be a bit surprising, but...I-I like The Host.”

Bim snorted before hiding his face and breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Oh honey, I know. Everyone knows.”

Eric blushed immediately. “E-Everyone?”

“Well, everyone except Host at least. The poor bastard is as clueless as you are.”

“What...?”

“He likes you too. it’s so obvious. plus, he rants to me about how cute he thinks you are every damn day.”

“H-He what??”

Bim laughed even harder. “Babe, you have no idea how many of us have been internally screaming at you two to just date already.”

Eric didn’t know whether to laugh or blush or cry. In the end, he settled for putting on a big goofy grin. “S-So he likes me back!?”

“Yes, you dummy!” Bim paused and took a deep breath. “i’m sorry, that was rude. you’re not a dummy, you’re beautiful and perfect just the way you are. But you’re kinda clueless when it comes to relationship stuff.”

“I guess you’re r-right...B-But now i know he likes me back!”

Eric sprung up from his seat to head to his room, but not before giving Bim a quick hug and a “Thank you!”

He was a giggling, blushing mess the whole way back to his room. However, onece he got there, he stopped. What was he supposed to do now? if he tried to ask Host out, he’d just mess it up! he couldn’t let that happen! and knowing that The Jost likes him too was amazing, but it would definitely make their future interactions awkward. Oh god, he’d never be able to talk to Host now.

...___...

Luckily for Eric, the god of love seemed to be on his side. after hiding in his room for almost the entire day, he had changed into his favorite onesie and gotten ready for bed. However, before he could shut off the lights and snuggle up under the covers, there was a quiet knock at the door. He walked over, opening it a crack to see who was on the other side.

There stood The Host. He was fidgety and anxious, which was unprecedented in and of itself, but what really confused Eric was that he was holding what appeared to be a very tiny tree.

He opened the door all the way. “H-Host?”

“The Host apologizes for coming to Eric this late, but he wishes to speak with him about something important.”

“O-Oh, it’s no problem! I’m a-always glad to have you as c-company...” Eric went a bit pink, but he gestured for Host to come in.

The two sat next to each other on Eric’s bed. There was silence for a while, but then The Host cleared his throat and spoke.

“The Host apologizes again for coming this late, but he just couldn’t wait any longer.” He drew in a deep breath.

Host handed the little tree to Eric, who took it and looked at it curiously. “It’s a bonsai tree. The Host knows that flowers are more visually appealing, but they wither up in a few days and...Well, he just thought that it would be nice to give Eric something that he can keep and take care of.”

“Oh, thank y-you, I love it! It’s a-adorable!” Eric smiled and set the bonsai tree on his bedside table, then turned back to Host. “But why d-did you bring it to me?”

“Well, like The Host said, flowers are usually used for these types of things...”

“What...?”

“What The Host is trying to say is that he likes Eric very much, and has for a long while now. I-In a romantic sense, that is. He understands if Eric does not feel the same, but he needed to get this off of his chest.”

Host curled in on himself a bit, avoiding looking in Erics direction.

Eric, meanwhile, was blushing from the tips of his ears all the way down to his neck.

“You- You r-really didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I thought I was being a total obvious mess, with how I couldn’t s-stop blushing when you t-talked to me, or how I f-followed you around like a lost puppy, o-or how I, like, short-circuited whenever you smiled at me-“

Eric stopped himself from rambling. “What I mean is, I um...I like you too. A-A whole bunch.”

The Host beamed. it was by far the happiest Eric had ever seen him, and he felt a little blossom of pride at causing that happiness.

“Eric has no idea how relived The Host is right now- And he thought he was being the obvious one? The Host thought it was him!”

he laughed. Eric laughed too. Soon both of them were in fits of giggles, both from the sheer hilarity of the situation and the relief that their feelings towards each other were reciprocated. After they had calmed down, Eric asked, “So...what do we do now?”

“...In all of the romance books The Host has read, this is usually the part when the kiss happens.”

“That...t-that sounds nice.”

The Host smiled a bit. Then he moved closer to Eric and cupped his face with one hand. And finally, finally, he gave him a slow, gentle kiss on the lips.

He’d never known why authors used the description of fireworks going off to describe the feeling of a kiss, but now that it was happening to him, he was beginning to understand it. The butterflies that had been in his stomach had all flown away, leaving a fiery, almost overwhelming feeling of happiness. When Eric moved to wrap his arms around The Host and pull him closer, he couldn’t think properly. all he saw in his mind were bursts of dazzling color.

Eric felt exactly the same as Host did. It was finally happening, everything that he had been imagining for the past months was finally happening! He could barely process it all.

Host and Eric pulled away from their kiss eventually, but they stayed in their embrace. Eric rested his head against Hosts shoulder, and hestayed like that until he was nearly asleep. Host laid him down on the bed and made to leave for his own room, but Eric grabbed his hand and tugged him back.

“Stay...?”

Host couldnt say no to Eric’s big puppy dog eyes. So he took off his trenchcoat and laid down next to him, then curled up around him.

Eric barely had time to mumble a goodnight before he was asleep. Host sighed, hugging the smaller man so that he would be secure. He kissed Eric on the forehead, then he too drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

[kestrelblaze]

Cats I think Deserved Better

Basically the series is rife with cats that had interesting plot ideas/lines that got shafted by the Erin's and I've decided I wanted to list them more.

1. Leafpool

I had already made a post about her, but basically her entire character arc felt really squandered. She could have been used to show that the Code needed revision and some elements caused more harm then good, referencing former medicine cats that had kits as evidence along with the fact that having kits did not impact her ability at all.

They even could have used this to show Mothflight in Starclan realizing the code she made was inherently flawed and catered more to her than medicine cats as a whole.

2. Speckletail and Snowkit

If you don't remember them Speckletail was a queen during the first series and also the mother of the deaf Snowkit who was taken by a hawk during book 5: A Rising Storm and was used primarily as a plot device to show how far Bluestar had fallen.

A deaf character alone is wasted potential, but this gets really noticeable when you realize Speckletail had developed a way to to communicate with Snowkit (there being an implication that he wasn't completely deaf). If they kept dead Snowkit it would have been nice to see Speckletail come to terms with it instead of just being shoved off into the Elder's Den and forgotten.

3. Sootfur and Rainwhisker

Rainwhisker was my favorite side character for awhile, and being that they are implied to be the sons of Whitestorm, who was Firestar's first deputy, I felt they had a lot of wasted potential. We never had any scenes of them or their sister Sorreltail grieving over their parents, or talking about their POV of previous events and that always bothered me.

4. Stormfur and Brook

The Tribe as a whole is a missed opportunity to me, especially since its shown they arent that far from the clans and since their introduction they always have at least one book where the current PoV cat has to go deal with an issue. But to be more specific to these cats, I think Storm and Brook are more of a missed opportunity in terms of being Tribe cats that joined Thunderclan, mostly because Stormfur was originally a Riverclan cat and that after a few books with no use of them beyond being background characters they got sent back home.

It could have been an amazing way to bring attention back to Riverclan to have Stormfur go back and trying to reintegrate into his old clan, maybe him and Brook having to leave it for Thunderclan due to not fitting in to their particular clan again. The two in general had great ideas behind them, especially concerning Graystrip and Millie and they could have had some interesting interactions about Silverstream but....

5. Riverclan as a whole after TPB

As a whole, Riverclan heavily got the shaft after the cats moved territories. I blame this in part due to the borders shifting and Thunderclan sharing a border with Windclan and Shadowclan now but it is still glaringly obvious when you consider how much screen time they had in the beginning and how their part in the Alliances barely ever changes now.

6. Darktail, Onestar, and Sleekwhisker

Darktail was an amazing villain in aVoS, and he actually had an interesting backstory with Onestar that came.... out of absolutely nowhere. There was no hints to his existence and tbh it felt like an asspull (which it probably was tbh). Especially when you consider for him to exist he had to be born in the old territories, and the only logical time he could have been born without making him an elder would have been between book 6 and Firestar's Quest. Some more elaboration between him and Onestar would have been amazing, especially since Onestar really needed some development himself.

A way to do this in an amazing way would have been to make Heathertail a PoV character. She is heavily implied to be Onestar's daughter and thus Darktail's Half Sister and could have given us valuable insight into how Windclan was dealing with the Kin, giving us more hints to Darktail being Onestar's son, and fleshing out her romance with Breezepelt.

Add to this is his implied mate Sleekwhisker. Watching Darktail die, she could have easily been used to take up the mantle and become the overarching villain and leader of the Kin for the final 3 aVoS books instead of just... taking off. She would have made an excellent villain for how deranged she was and how the fandom already hated her, but instead she was a wasted potential. I am hoping in the theory that she took off because she was pregnant with Darktail's kits tho.

7. Hollyleaf

I know, dead horse here, but Hollyleaf in general was an amazing character and had so much potential. Her fanatical loyalty to the code could have been used in so many ways especially if she was given a power. A youtuber named Roseshard (I think) made the theory that her power should have been forcing cats around her to speak the truth when she questioned them and if you combine that with her fanatical loyalty to the code this could have made her a very compelling character.

If we kept it as is, her returning to the clan having matured in the caves was also a wasted opportunity, especially since she dies. I will admit this: Lionblaze should have died over Hollyleaf.

Now, I get what you are thinking: with Lionblaze's ability he couldnt, and Jayfeather is needed in his slot. From a narrative standpoint, it would have made a much better ending if Lionblaze put his ability to the real test and to save his clan took on the Dark Forest himself, a battle that would eventually end in his death but saving his clan (I'm not talking the whole of Dark Forest, just a big chunk of their warriors). Hollyleaf returning just to die did nothing for the narrative and after a full 5-6 books of Lionblaze and Jayfeather morning her it would have been better to keep her dead, or kill off someone else instead.

8. Twigbranch and Violetshine

Outside of Twigbranch having an amazing name and Violetshine basically being a teen mom and switching from Shadowclan to Skyclan (and them being Hawkwing's kits), can you tell me anything interesting they actually did in aVoS? I rest my case.

9. Ivypool and Dovewing

I know, both were POV cats but they felt so wasted.

I boil this down to having to share the spotlight with Lionblaze and Jayfeather tbh, especially in The Fourth Apprentice and Fading Echoes to the point we never got a feel of their characters. Both had really amazing qualities that were really easy to empathize with but the erins crudy writing in the series made it difficult to let them shine. Dovewing was a character who struggled to find her place in the world and focused on finding it through love, while hating her powers for making her different from her sister. Ivypool felt neglected and struggled to show she was just as capable as any other cat in the clan, getting only half the information to explain why her sister was more important.

To be honest, it would have been so much better if the books were rewritten so Dovewing was the sole narrator of The Fourth apprentice and Ivypook was the narrator of Fading Echos. Dovewing and Ivypool could switch in Sign of the Moon.

The fact the narration got split between them and Lionblaze and Jayfeather in each book really took a toll and left them underdeveloped.

10. Sandstorm

Sandstorm got a lot of screentime in the first series, but I will forever rage at the missed opportunity for Firestar to make her deputy. She showed all the qualities in the first series, and it's beyond obvious the only reason Brambleclaw was chosen was because of Protagonist Syndrome.

11. Goosefeather

Just Goosefeather.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Feel free to add more

[thetravelerwrites]

A New Generation (Pt. 2)

Rating: Teen Fandom: 魔法使いの嫁 | Mahou Tsukai no Yome | The Ancient Magus Bride Relationships: Hatori Chise x Elias Ainsworth Characters: Elias Ainsworth, Hatori Chise, Chise Hatori, Silver Lady, Silkie, Ruth, Titania, Oberon, Shannon, Stella Barklem, Angelica Burley, David Burley, Althea Burley, Lindel | Lindenbaum, Merituuli Trigger Warnings: Pregnancy, Childbirth, Babies, Infants, Depression, Anxiety, Discrimination, Unplanned Pregnancy, Abandonment, References to Abuse, References to Abandonment, References to Child Murder Words: 8551

As Chise's pregnancy progresses, Elias is consumed with worry that his child will be rejected by both fae and humans, as he had been. Chise struggles with the fear that she might abandon or harm her own children, as her parents did. 

When Elias returned home from London, he sat down with Chise and had a very long, solemn conversation with her about the pregnancy, and for the first time, they talked about a future that also involved their child. Or children, if Chise was correct in her belief that there were two.

He told her about going to speak with Lindel, Simon, and Angelica and what their advice had been. Like him, Chise found Angelica’s tale the most consoling. Knowing that the artificer had felt similar apprehension about procreating helped Chise feel less isolated.

Calling Angelica and talking to her at length also did much to improve Chise’s disposition, not just about Chise’s ability to parent but also about the pregnancy itself. It didn’t cure her of her worries, but having someone to talk to who knew exactly what she was going through was a great comfort to her.

Finally managing to convince Elias to install a landline in the house had been a pretty recent accomplishment. He fought this "modern indulgence" for quite a long time, but when he finally understood that it meant she didn’t have to walk to town to use the public phone every other day, he was more open to the idea, especially since walking long distances was going to become rather difficult for her as time went on. The noise the device made was annoying, but seeing her smile when she answered it was enough to keep him from being too bothered by the sound.

The change in her mood greatly eased Elias’s mind. Watching Chise spiral into a deep, black pit of terror and depression was difficult for him to bear, especially given there was little he could on his own to improve it. As much as he wanted to help her, he had eventually come to understand that sometimes people could only find solace in others who’d had comparable experiences. This was just not his ken, so it was better left to those suited to the task.

He tried to quash his own fears for her sake, but she knew him too well to let him get away with keeping those thoughts to himself. At night, before they slept, she would talk to him; just talk, not expecting him to respond if he wasn’t in the mood to do so, and it helped him. Hearing the sudden shift in her voice from cold despair to tentative hope had done much to alleviate his woes. She encouraged him to be honest with her about what he felt, but didn’t push him to talk if he didn’t want to. More often than not, though, he would. They would lay bear their worries to each other and try to find the bright side. They were both still afraid, but they were facing that fear together.

And it helped.

Summer was in full swing, and Elias was twice as busy as normal now that Chise was limited as to what she could do. He didn’t grumble about it much; after all, he had done everything himself before she had come along. But they had become a well-coordinated, efficient team over the years and he had come to treasure her reserved, supportive assistance in all things, whether practical or magical. He rather missed working in tandem with her.

Though she was no longer allowed to do any of her normal seasonal chores beyond a little light weeding and watering, she would often sit in the garden with him as he worked and help whenever she could, not content with staying in bed all day like an invalid. Besides, having Chise within Elias’s sight and hearing was good for his heart and mind.

Ruth spent his time keeping a close, watchful eye on her, reporting any physical ills that Chise might keep to herself to Elias. As long as she was at rest, though, they were happy enough.

Late one night, he walked into their bedroom to prepare for sleep and found her naked in front of a mirror, standing to the side, looking down at her belly.

“What are you doing?” He asked curiously.

“Look at my stomach,” She said, her hands gently probing her lower abdomen. “It’s bigger. And it’s hard, too. Feel.”

Elias came close and laid his hand on her stomach. It was indeed hardened, as though she had swallowed a large stone, and there was a swelling between her hips; not big, but definitely noticeable.

And perhaps he imagined it, but he thought he felt a strange swirl of energy embedded there underneath the flesh and muscle, lodged deep in her body. No, two swirls. Perhaps Chise’s instinct was more credible than he first thought.

“Hmm,” He said. “Why is that?”

“Angelica says the uterus thickens and becomes more solid to protect the fetuses,” She said, reaching for a book on her nightstand. “It says so in this, too. Alice sent it to me. I told her about the babies, by the way, but I swore her to secrecy. I haven’t told Stella yet, but she’s busy at university and I didn’t want to bother her during finals.”

Elias bent to peer at the book. “What is it?”

She flipped through the rather large paperback volume. “It’s a book about pregnancy and birth. It’s actually pretty informative. So many things make sense now.”

“May I read it, then?” He asked. “There is much I still need to learn. I have a distinct dearth of knowledge about this particular subject and I feel compelled to rectify that.”

“Sure,” she said, handing it to him. “I’ve read up to the third trimester, so I won’t need it for a little while. I hope it helps.”

In some ways it did, and in others it didn’t. During gestation, he learned, the woman’s body produces excess blood to carry extra oxygen to the baby, which in turn causes the mother’s heart rate to accelerate for the duration of the pregnancy, which in turn causes her core temperature to rise. That explained that part, at least.

But other aspects of pregnancy and childbirth were, to put it mildly, horrifying. Things like nosebleeds, strange cravings, extreme mood swings, increased sex drive, swelling of the extremities, sudden hair growth or hair loss, violent fits of vomiting that lasted for months, soreness almost everywhere, food aversions, heighten sensitivity of smell, touch, and taste… the list of physical oddities was extensive. Bones would often be pushed out of the way and change position to compensate for the growing child, sometimes even fracturing or breaking in the process. And all of this was considered normal.

And those were just minor possible symptoms. The more severe ones were downright ghastly. There was no end of ways that it could go wrong, no end to the possible damage to the mother, no end to the ways the child could be born ill or malformed, and that was just for regular, non-magical children. There was no telling what kind of ailments could befall the child of two mages, especially if both parents were cursed.

And the descriptions of the birthing process itself, including the many, many things that could go awry, was nothing short of nauseating. Several times, he had to shut the book and put it aside for a while, appalled at what he learned. He hated to admit it, but sometimes knowledge for knowledge’s sake wasn’t always a good thing.

Once the first physical changes had begun, time seemed to speed up. Chise’s body changed rapidly, her stomach growing larger every day to carry the new life safely. She seemed especially breakable these days, and Elias couldn’t help being even more protective than he had been before.

For years before he had bought Chise, nothing had changed. Things went on as they always had, and it was as comfortable as it was dull. Then, once he met her, things changed, but it was a slow change. Even though things happened that never had before, it came at a pace he could understand and absorb.

Now, everything was new and happening too fast for him to process, and he was trying his best to keep up. He did not adapt well to change.

One afternoon in late July, while Chise was having her afternoon nap, Elias awoke her with a touch to her cheek.

“I’m sorry to wake you, Little Bird,” He said softly. “But there is a guest downstairs who has come a long way to see you. Are you feeling up to greeting them?”

She smiled. “Sure.”

Downstairs, she saw a tallish, pale man standing in their sitting room in modern clothes, looking around the room curiously. His blonde hair was separated into two bunches and hung over his shoulders. The the pupils of his bright blue eyes were slits, like that of a wild predator.

“Lindel!” Chise exclaimed in surprise.

When he saw her enter the room, a wide smile split his face. “It’s good to see you, my daughter,” He said, his arms open toward her.

She rushed forward to give him a hug. “What are you doing here? The dragons--”

“Can survive me being gone for an hour or two. Besides, Merituuli is to inform me right away if anything should happen while I’m here. I haven’t heard from you in a while and I wanted to check on you.” He held her at arms length and looked at her belly. “You’re coming along rather quickly, aren’t you? I sense very strong life essences brewing in there. Your offspring will be incredibly powerful mages. I can’t wait to meet my grandchildren; you must bring them to the aerie once they’ve been born.”

“More than one?” Chise asked.

“Oh, yes,” Lindel replied. “Two separate, distinct energies, hale and healthy, growing well.”

“Ha,” Chise said quietly. “I knew it.”

“Now,” He took her hand and hooked it around his arm. “Why don’t you give me a tour and tell me all about your preparations for the little ones? I’ve never actually been to Thorn’s home, you know. The ungrateful brat has never so much as extended an invitation.”

Elias sniffed slightly and sat in his chair, picking up a book he must have been reading before Lindel arrived.

“Of course,” She said, turning. Silver was looking in shyly from the kitchen, where Ruth was having a snack. “This is Silver Lady. She’s a neighbor who runs the house and looks after us. She’s been a big help to me.”

Lindel bowed. “A pleasure.”

Maybe it was Chise’s imagination, but she could have sworn Silver blushed.

“Good to see you again, Ruth,” Lindel said pleasantly. “Keeping a sharp eye on our favorite girl, are you?”

“Of course,” Ruth said. “She’s been getting plenty of rest, but she’s not eating as much as I’d prefer.”

Chise sighed heavily. “Elias’s fussing is bad enough, but having a fae nanny breathing down my neck all day is really irritating.”

Lindel laughed softly. “I would imagine so.”

Chise showed him her old room upstairs with Ruth trailing behind, where Silver had surprised her one day by converting it into a nursery. Silver, at least, seemed very excited about the new additions to the family and was going to extraordinary lengths to make sure the house was ready for their arrival.

The brand-new cupboards were stacked with blankets and swaddling and dressing gowns and cloth diapers, all handmade by Silver. There were double changing tables and bassinets, set side by side, and even a rocking chair next to the window. Chise had no idea where all the new furniture had even come from. Silver had used neutral colors to decorate the room: a mix of light and dark browns and soft purples and blues. The walls had been painted with a mural of wildflowers and trees, and the floor was plush grass-green carpet, as though the room was outside in a meadow. It was beautiful. Chise had cried and hugged Silver for quite a while when Silver presented it to her.

Ah, mood swings.

Elias had not been prepared for these emotional outbursts and, quite frankly, neither had Chise. She’d go from really happy to really sad to really annoyed all in the span of a few minutes. It was rather dizzying for the both of them. Ruth tried to warn Elias when they were coming, but he couldn’t always tell, so they were often blindsided by a sudden explosion of emotion that even Chise didn’t always understand. He supposed there was some comfort to be found in the fact that she was just as confused as he was.

Chise showed Lindel Elias’s study, and her workroom beyond where she practiced her spellcraft, and then decided to take a break in the garden. Lindel sat with Chise, talking animatedly about the baby dragons and happily eating Silver’s sandwiches and cakes. It was probably a nice change from stew. He even coaxed a song from Chise, one he had taught her in Icelandic about a hungry raven that slept beneath rock rifts. She had missed singing with him.

The sound of their voices raised in song brought Elias out to join them. He hadn’t heard her sing in some time and was pleased to hear it. She only sang when she was in a good mood. The resonance of their voices made the trees stand straighter, the flowers bloom brighter, and the sunlight shine gently upon them without being overpowering. When Lindel and Chise worked together, everything they touched was magic. Elias couldn’t help but be a little jealous of that.

The visit was a splendid one that did much to brighten Chise’s spirit. Before long, Lindel felt the aerie calling his heart home and left Chise with a hug and well-wishes. He even shook Elias’s hand.

Lindel snapped and sparked and was gone in a flurry of snow and cinders. Chise was sorry to see him go. She really felt as though Lindel was a surrogate father. When he called her his daughter, there had been weight to it. He genuinely meant it.

Chise made to go inside, but Elias took her by the hand to stop her, looking off into the woods.

“I believe we may have further visitors,” He said, taking his veil and flinging it over his face. He pointed to the treeline.

There, almost invisible under the dappled sunlight filtering through the trees, stood a fae woman of indescribable beauty. Her black hair trailed behind her and brushed the ground as she walked, and her skin was as smooth as the petals of a lily. Her eyes, the colors of which shifted as though iridescent, were locked on Chise from where she stood motionless in the shadow. How long she had been there, no one could say, but her attention was on Chise and nothing else.

“Lady Titania,” Chise breathed.

As though summoned, Titania stepped out of the shelter of trees and began to walk toward them. Spriggan stepped out of her shadow, the gold rings adorning his staff jingling as he walked. He looked as surly as ever.

“My dear, sweet robin,” Titania said, holding her arms out to Chise and she stepped forward. “Oh! Isn’t it so wonderful!”

“I assume the little folk have informed you of Chise’s condition,” Elias said.

“Oh,yes, my child. I can’t tell you how pleased I am! Oberon is beside himself.” She glanced back to the forest’s edge. Chise and Elias followed her gaze to see Oberon running to and fro, giggling like a child and throwing flowers into the air. Chise laughed softly and shook her head.

Titania returned her attention to Chise and touched her hand to Chise’s belly. “Look how far along you are! I must say, though, I am terribly put out that you hid it from us for so long.”

“I’m sorry,” Chise said. “I… it’s been… difficult.”

Titania took her face in her hands. “Poor child,” She said. “Do not despair. This is a blessing. What a wondrous gift it is to be mortal. The fae do not breed well with each other and as such, our children are rare. That’s why there are so many old tales among mortals about halflings, though such things are far less likely in this millenia.” Her gaze brushed across Elias’s tall form briefly. “I suppose it’s how your race proliferates so effectively. You’re like rabbits, in that way.” She giggled.

“Oh, what a wonderful turn of fate!” Oberon crooned gleefully, skipping around the group of them. “I can’t wait to see the new little mages. Is there any chance at all they’ll be blonde? Oh, nevermind, they’ll be adorable either way!”

“Titania,” Elias started, ignoring Oberon as he pranced around them, laying a flower crown on Chise’s head. “You have the gift of foresight. Can you…” He paused, clutching the fabric of his shirt over his chest, as though in pain. “Is there any way to tell… that is to say…” He stumbled to a stop.

“Elias,” Titania said kindly. “Ask your question plainly, and I shall answer as best as I can.”

Elias sighed. “The children… our children… will they be… like me? Half-creatures, hated and shunned for the sin of merely being alive in a world where they do not belong?”

Chise’s heart bled for him. It must have quite a blow to his pride to ask that question. She knew he’d never admit it to anyone, not even her, but the constant reminder that he was neither one or the other was something that caused him perpetual grief. The idea that he was terrified his own children would share this fate made Chise’s heart ache. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it consolingly.

“Oh, Thorn,” Titania said sadly. “I see branches; roads that split and diverge like serpents in the sea of potentiality. I see many possibilities, though some are more likely than others. I cannot give you a solid answer because the paths are still many and multiplying. I cannot tell you for certain what will be.” She laid a hand on his chest and smiled. “But would you like to know what I feel?”

He nodded, apprehensive.

“I feel love and joy,” She said. “I hear laughter echoing within the walls of this dwelling. Your children will have fragments of their father residing in them, as all children do, but they will have the protection and favor of all who love them. And there will be many who love them. They are blessed by the Queen of the Fae herself, and my blessing is no paltry trinket.”

“Titania, I…” Elias said, unable to continue.

Oberon slid over to his wife and winked at her, a wide smile on his face. He then turned to Elias.

“Do not fret, thorn child,” He said. “However tainted your lineage may be, you are still one of us, and your bride is beloved by our kind. Your children, then, will be doubly revered by all fae. You have no cause to worry.”

“Thank you. That is… very comforting,” He replied, though his tone said to Chise that he was still rather troubled.

Chise endured another few minutes of Titania and Oberon’s doting before they decided to depart. She felt rather relieved when they left. They could be a lot to handle all at once.

That night, lying in bed with Elias, the question he had asked the Faerie Queen revolved over and over in her mind.

“Elias?” She asked softly, trying not to wake Ruth. “Are you still awake?”

She couldn’t see his pupils, but he did answer. “Yes.”

She lay her hand on the back of his neck and stroked it. “Are you really worried about how the children will turn out?”

Elias sighed. “It does not matter to me what they will look like,” He said somberly. “But it will matter to humans. Experience has taught me well that mankind does not adapt quickly to things that are strange or unusual.” He turned his head to look at her. “The fae will not care about their appearance, either, but they will see them as my children, spawn of the halfling failure. That alone may be enough to draw the ire of the fae against them, despite what Titania and Oberon said. Those two have never failed in their kindness to me, but it is borne out of pity, not respect, and the rest of the fae are not so magnanimous. Some are indifferent to me, but most, like the Spriggan, are openly hostile. I do not wish for my children to suffer because of who their father is.”

“Oh, Elias,” Chise said, holding him close. “I wish I could--Oh!” Chise sat up abruptly, pulling the covers down and placing both hands on her belly.

“What?” He asked in alarm, turning to sit up. “What is it? Are you alright?”

“I felt them.”

“You did?” He asked.

“Yes,” She said, moving her hands around gingerly. “I felt a thumping on the inside. I felt some flutters before, but I was never sure what they were. That was definitely a kick.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at her abdomen.

In response, she took his hand and laid it down on her stomach, instructing him to wait. He did so, and it took nearly five minutes, but there was a distinct nudge against his hand.

Chise looked up and smiled at him, but his heart was in his throat. He couldn’t decide if he was excited or panicked. Talking about the baby, seeing her belly expand, making preparations: for some reason, none of that made it feel real. But this did. Feeling the tiny movements of the child on his own skin from the inside of her body was what made it reality to him.

“We should call on Shannon tomorrow,” Chise said. “I’m twenty weeks. It’s about time for a check-up.”

“Y-yes,” He said vaguely. “Of course.”

She took his face in her hands. “Are you all right?”

“I do not know,” He answered honestly. “I am… frightened.”

“I know,” She said. She laid her forehead on his.

They stayed that way for many minutes, their foreheads touching, his hand on her belly, feeling the little jumps and thumps of his children moving about inside. Frightened was not an adequate word for what he felt. He didn’t know if there was a word strong enough.

Time seemed to move very fast for a while, and then suddenly slowed to a snail’s pace. Before they knew it, it was winter. Chise had grown very large, and Shannon expected the babies to come a few days after the new year.

Chise kept to the house exclusively now, since moving was more difficult, not to mention that Elias was highly paranoid about her catching an illness in her condition. She spent much of the time nesting, which is an instinctual habit among mothers-to-be to make sure everything was in its proper place and perfect. Silver had taken care of most of that for her, but it didn’t stop Chise from folding and refolding all of the babies’ linens and making sure things were just so.

As the time for the birth came closer, the atmosphere of the house grew more and more anxious. Chise was rather sick of being pregnant and was ready to be able to stand without assistance and not eat what felt like half her body weight every day. Ruth was restless and impatient. He could feel the time getting closer just as acutely as Chise did.

If Chise was anxious and Ruth was restless, Elias was downright terrified. He spent a lot of time alone in his study, unable to control this emotion. He didn’t want to worry her more than she already was, but he couldn’t push away the awful feeling of dread.

He had slowly grown accustomed to the idea of the children, but not the possibility that they would take after him. The idea that they could be subjected to cruelty and discrimination for simply being his children made his blood run cold. How could he protect them against that kind of hatred? How could he shield them from the animosity of both humans and fae? He could weather it just fine; he was used to it, and some of it was deserved. He had once been a monster, after all. But they would be innocent and guileless. They didn’t deserve to be treated as he had been.

As much as he tried to hide his worry from Chise, he knew she felt it. He could see it on her face when she looked at him sometimes. It wasn’t pity that she showed him, but empathy. If anyone would understand, it would be her, but this was just one thing he couldn’t talk to her about. She always tried to soothe him and tell him things would be fine, but she had no way of knowing that for certain. Blind optimism just didn’t work for him.

Very late on the night before Christmas eve, a sharp yelp of pain woke Elias from sleep. It had been Ruth: he had bounced out of his bed and shot to Chise’s side, immediately switching to his human form. Chise was sitting curled around her stomach, gasping.

“Chise?” Elias asked.

“I think my water broke,” Chise gasped. “I’ve been having contractions, but they weren’t bad until now. We need Shannon.”

“Shannon! Silver!” Elias called.

A flash shot through the room. Elias turned on the lamp and found Shannon standing next to Chise, trying to pull her to her feet. The silky came through the door in an instant, a tub of hot water and many towels in her hands. It was almost as if she were waiting for the call.

Shannon had Chise sit on a wooden chair with a curved back, urging her to recline with her pelvis tilted out, putting a pillow behind her to support her back. Silver helped Chise out of her underwear and flipped the hem of her nightgown up over her stomach, exposing her entire lower half. Chise didn’t have the wherewithal to be embarrassed about her tender bits out for the entire room to see. The pain was pushing everything else out of her brain.

“Is it supposed to hurt this much?” Ruth gasped, his arms wrapped around his stomach.

“There are two living creatures the size of watermelons attempting to tear their way out of her body, Ruth. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt,” Shannon said dryly.

“Sorry, Ruth,” Chise said, breathing heavily. “I’m trying to block it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ruth said. “I don’t really care about me right now.”

“What can I do?” Elias asked anxiously.

“You and Ruth, get on either side. Both of you hold her hand with one of yours and then let her use your other hand to brace her feet on. She’s going to need the leverage when she starts pushing.”

Elias and Ruth, took their positions. Chise had already begun to sweat profusely and was breathing shallowly. Silver stood at her head, stroking her hair gently and ready with a cloth to wipe her brow.

“Deep breaths, Chise,” Shannon said, kneeling on the ground and pushing a gloved hand into Chise’s body to gauge her dilation. “Nine centimeters,” Shannon said, removing her hand. “Not quiet ready yet, but it’s going to be soon.”

Chise could only nod, attempting with little success to take deep breaths as she was instructed. Her head rolled to look at Elias with fear in her eyes.

“It’s too early,” She said in a terrified whisper. “I’m not due for another three weeks.”

“It’s all right,” Elias whispered, knowing he might be lying. “It will be all right.”

Chise had no choice but to wait until her body opened up enough to start pushing, and it took a few long, miserable hours of pain and sweating. By the time Shannon got into position, it was only an hour before dawn.

“Okay,” Shannon said. “Elias, Ruth, take one foot each and push it toward her chest, but not forcefully. Chise, take several deep breaths. When I say, take a very deep breath, hold it, and start pushing. When I count to ten, you can let go and breath again. Understand?”

Chise nodded, already very tired from the waves of pain she had been suffering over the past few hours. She steeled herself and began to take slow, deep breaths.

“Ready? Okay, deep, deep breath and push!”

Chise pulled in as much air as her lungs could take and held it, bracing her legs against Ruth and Elias’s grip, and pushed with all her might, her face pulled back in a grimace of pain and exertion.

“One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten, and breathe,” Shannon instructed. Chise blew out her breath explosively and gulped in air.

“Okay, again. Deep breath, and push!”

It went on like this for quite a time. They only paused the pushing for Chise to drink water and for Silver to wipe the sweat from her face and neck. Elias talked in Chise’s ear during these brief moments of rest, telling her that she was strong and that he had faith in her. She seemed so tired, but she smiled at him and dotted a kiss on his nose in reply.

Finally, as the first rays of sunlight shone through the window, Shannon pulled a small, reddish-purple infant from Chise’s body. It shrieked as it took it’s first breaths of life, it’s color changing as it took in oxygen. Shannon placed the sticky ball of outrage on Chise’s chest for a moment, allowing the new mother to inspect the little creature for herself while Shannon detached the umbilical cord.

“It’s a baby girl,” Shannon said, smiling.

Chise let go of Ruth and Elias and wrapped her fingers around the tiny thing as it screamed it’s fury at them all. Chise was crying, too, but not in anger. Her face, red and sweaty though it was, lit with joy as she held her newborn daughter.

Suddenly, she seized up with a sudden contraction and hissed with pain. The baby was whisked out of her arms by Silver, who took it to a nearby dressing table to clean it.

“We’re halfway there,” Shannon said. “Let’s get ready. On the next contraction, we start the pushing again.”

Chise nodded, letting Ruth and Elias take hold of her feet and push them back.

Once the first baby was out, the second wasn’t far behind. It wailed more loudly than it’s twin, thrashing about angrily on Chise’s chest, though Chise clearly didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s another little girl,” Shannon said with a grin.

Tears poured from Chise’s eyes as she held her daughter, gasping from the effort of pushing. The touch of her mother’s hands had calmed the baby and she was no longer writhing spastically, but wiggling and making little grunting sounds, lying on her belly in Chise’s grasp.

After a moment, this child, too, was taken away for cleaning. Then there was more work to be done. The afterbirth had to be removed from Chise’s body, which caused a small fountain of blood to escape. Elias and Ruth panicked, but Shannon said this could happen sometimes and it wasn’t serious as long as it was contained quickly. She gave Chise a tea that would help stop the bleeding and once she had finished it, Silver lifted Chise as if she weighed nothing and took her to the bathroom for a proper cleaning. Shannon followed, leaving Ruth and Elias alone with the newborns, lying side by side and safely bundled up in the crib near Chise’s side of the bed.

While she was gone, Ruth went to inspect the babies up close. “Elias,” He called to the mage, who was still sitting in a daze. “Come and see.”

Elias stood with his heart pounding in his chest and walked to stand by Ruth, looking down at his brand new daughters with a lump in his throat. Now that they were cleaned, he could see them better. They were still wiggly and wrinkly, but there were distinct differences between the twins. One had a full head of white-blonde hair and a peachy-pink complexion, while the other had fine red fuzz on her head and was as pale as bleached bone.

“I remember the day that Isabelle was born,” Ruth said solemnly, lost in his memory. “I had only been with the family for a few months and I didn’t quite understand what was happening at the time. I didn’t know what a baby was. She was so tiny and weird-looking, but I loved her right away. We were together all the time after that. I existed for her; I’d have done anything for her.”

He stared down at the two sleeping infants, his eyes dark with recollection. “I took it for granted, thinking she’d always be there. I didn’t see the dangers until it was too late. I should have done more to protect her. If I had been a better brother, she might have lived a long, happy life. I didn’t do enough, and she died.” He reached out but stopped just short of touching the one with red hair. “For them, I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I promise.”

Elias did not respond. He stared down at his sleeping girls rather blankly.

Yes, He thought to himself. I, too, must be better.

Silver and Shannon returned with Chise, clean, wearing a fresh nightgown, and remarkably able to walk unassisted. Elias helped ease her back into the freshly changed bed, then Shannon handed Chise the white-haired baby girl. Shannon insisted that Chise try to breastfeed the baby, as it would help promote clotting. Silver went to work cleaning the gory aftermath off of the floor. Ruth, as a grim, sniffed each child keenly with his tail wagging.

It took a few tries and some urging to get the baby to latch to her breast; apparently babies weren’t born knowing how to do this and had to be taught, but once she found her way, she seemed to be content and fell asleep while feeding, her tiny arm resting on Chise’s skin. Elias watched curiously.

“You probably won’t be able to produce enough milk to fill both babies at the same time, so you might want to supplement with formula. You may even decide to go formula exclusively, which is fine. As long as they get the enzymes from your breastmilk at the start, it’ll be a big boost to their immune systems.”

Chise nodded without looking up, absorbed in the tiny little girl at her breast with it’s little fist around Chise’s finger. She seemed to finish quickly, and Chise lifted the baby for Elias to hold.

“Chise…” He said nervously. “I don’t… I can’t… I don’t think…”

“It’s okay, Elias,” Chise said with a smile. “You’re going to have to hold them at some point. Might as well be now.”

“Just remember to support the head,” Shannon said. “The neck muscles are underdeveloped.”

“Here,” She sat up and, holding the baby in one arm, used her hand to make a cradle of his. “Like this.”

Exercising more care than he ever had in his entire existence, he took the tiny bundle into his arms, cradling it gently. He could feel the warmth of it’s little body through the blankets, as though he were holding a glowing coal. He lifted her up so he could inspect her more closely. As he did so, she opened her eyes for the first time and looked up at him. Her eyes were the color of evergreens, like her mother. But unlike her, the pupils were not round but slits, like that of a wild creature. The eyes of a fae. The eyes of a mage.

“Chise, look,” Elias said, bending to show her. Chise, who had taken the red-haired babe and was feeding her from the other breast, peered at the child Elias held and smiled. Her smile faded and her eyes narrowed curiously.

“What is it?” Elias asked.

“Look at her head, a little bit above the hairline. There’s a bump. No, there’s two, one on either side. Do you see them?”

Elias brought the baby close to his face, examining her closely. There was, indeed, some sort of bump there. Carefully readjusting his grip, he felt the bumps with his finger. They felt like… bone? No, not bone…

“Horns,” Elias said softly. “She has horns.”

Chise laughed softly, her eyes warm with affection. “You certainly can’t deny she’s yours, can you?”

He looked down at her, a new warmth spreading though his chest. “No…” He said. “I cannot.”

“Have you decided on names?” Shannon asked, sitting on the other side, monitoring the mother and her little ones closely.

Elias was taken aback. It wasn’t something he had even thought about. He’d been so preoccupied with his doubts and fears that he hadn’t room to think of anything else.

“It is Christmas Eve,” Chise said, looking out of the snow covered windows. She looked at the little redhead, sleeping peacefully in her arms. “Her hair reminds me of holly berries, so why don’t we call her Holly?” She smiled and gazed at the white-haired child Elias clutched to him. “And with her green eyes, she should be named Ivy.”

Elias sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, bending to nuzzle her head.

“Yes,” He said fondly. “It’s perfect.”

After both parents had a turn holding both of their infant girls, they gave Silver and Ruth a chance. Ruth was anxious and attentive, fearful of being clumsy or accidentally jostling his new nieces and upsetting them, but Silver seemed overjoyed to hold the tiny babes, smiling brightly and giggling at their noises. A better nanny than Silver Lady could not be found anywhere, either in the mortal realm or the kingdom of the fae. Chise had a feeling she was going to be relying heavily on her for the next few months.

While holding Holly, Silver made a small noise of surprise.

“Silver?” Chise said. “What is it?”

Silver brought the baby to the bed and knelt down between Elias and Chise, where the parents could see the newborn’s eyes. The irises were solid black and didn’t reflect light, instead seeming to consume it. The pupils, however, were red. Not the bright holly red of her hair, but a dark crimson red, like blood on snow, and they too were mere slits.

“Oh,” Chise breathed. “Look at that. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Elias, seeing the trace his own eyes looking back at him from his daughter’s face, was at a loss for words.

His children were mostly human, it seemed, but they retained a piece of him, a fragment of his fae blood, just as Titania said. Before, this thought made him worry about their future, but seeing them now, he felt… what was this? It was a good feeling, but it carried weight with it. Pride? Was that it? Did he feel proud? Perhaps so.

After a while, Shannon insists that everyone leave the room to the new parents and their children, and Elias settled himself in a chair beside the bed, with Chise on his left side and the crib on the right. All three of his girls were sleeping peacefully. Ivy seemed content in being wrapped up in her swaddling, but Holly had kicked her way out of the blankets so that she could move freely.

He watched them sleep with mixed emotions, laying his hands on the stomachs of the babes, comforted by their warmth. As if waiting for this, they both reached out and gripped his fingers in their fists and held on with a surprisingly strong grip.

The world could have been falling down around them, but as long as they were safe and happy, it wouldn’t have bothered him. He found he didn’t care all that much at the moment about the concerns that had plagued him before the birth, though he knew they would come back eventually. He felt warm and calm, with none of the anxiety that had been gnawing at his mind for months. Was this feeling happiness? Peace?

He could identify at least one emotion well enough: love. It was different than what he felt for Chise, but no less consuming. Chains of gold and silver had wrapped themselves around his heart. They sprung from the touch of his tiny daughters’ small hands on his own, an unbreakable link that bound him to his newly-born flesh and blood. Instinct drove this behavior, and it was obvious what it meant. They had laid claim to him.

They do not belong to me, he realized. I belong to them. How fascinating.

He had lived for centuries never having tethered himself to any other being. Back then, loneliness and being alone were mutually exclusive concepts. He’d had friendships and acquaintances but felt no obligation to any of them beyond an occasional favor or trade. At the time, he had thought himself content.

When he had acquired Chise on a whim out of mere curiosity, he had not anticipated how his life would change. The connection that developed between them, as slow as it was to manifest openly, was unlike anything he’d felt before. It brought with it many good feelings, as well as many unpleasant ones. Chise’s love was easy enough to earn, but he soon discovered that while love could be unconditional, trust was not. He hadn’t known there was a difference between those emotions until he had betrayed them.

For a while after, their bond was fragile and could snap with any slight pressure he applied to it. It had taken much time and effort on his part to repair the damage he had done, and he had sworn never to do anything that could sever that link again.

But the bond he felt to these two new lives was instantaneous and indestructible, something over which he had no control. He was, for lack of a better term, spellbound.

“I don’t understand.”

Elias jumped slightly at Chise’s soft whisper. He looked over to see that she was awake and staring are her children.

“What is it you do not understand, Little Bird?” Elias replied quietly.

“I thought,” She said. “I thought when they were born, it would make more sense, but it doesn’t. I thought it would help me understand why they did it.”

“Your parents,” He said. It wasn’t a question.

“I thought that once I was a parent myself, I could see it from their perspective, and I’d understand. But I don’t. I would never, ever leave them. I could never hurt them. Never.” She looked at Elias and took his hand. “What they did still makes no sense to me. I guess you were right, Elias. I am different.”

“Yes,” He said, holding her hand to his cheek. “Do not be sad, Chise. That is a wonderful thing.”

She smiled, and her gaze returned to the infants. “You’re right. It is.”

During the first two months, which Chise and Elias used to get accustomed to the new routine of parenthood, the twins developed personalities that were as different as their appearance. Holly was an independent little thing and didn’t like to be swaddled or held for too long, while Ivy loved to be cuddled and preferred to be held by Elias over anyone else. He was more than happy to hold her at all times and soon became deft at doing things one-handed.

After this necessary adjustment time, they decided to have a small gathering of friends over to properly introduce their children. They had invited Stella, the Barley family, Alice, a few friends from the college including the brooding Adolf and enthusiastic Tori, and even Renfred. Over the years, Elias and Renfred had forged a tense acquaintanceship. Chise encouraged them to be better friends, but in the end, she figured anything was better than open hostility.

They had invited Lindel, too, but he didn’t want to leave the aerie again. He insisted they bring them to him instead, which they promised to do when the children were a few months older.

“Aren’t they darling?” Angelica said, looking at Holly sleeping in sixteen-year-old Althea’s arms.

“They really are,” Stella said, now nineteen, as she tickling Ivy’s feet while David held her. The baby cooed at Stella as she did so.

“Ya did good, Chise,” Alice said. “You cooked up some real nice babies in there.” She poked Chise’s stomach, which was now much smaller and thankfully no longer sore.

“That’s a weird phrase, Alice, thank you,” Chise said.

Renfred had been mostly quiet during the gathering. Alice had told Chise that babies make him nervous; he liked kids better when they were old enough to follow orders.

Elias was similarly uncomfortable with so many people in his house at once, and eventually, it drove him outside to the garden. Cold though it was, he sat at the garden table with his tea and sighed.

“Are they not lovely?” A voice said to him from his right. He turned to see a small, child-like figure standing there nearby. She wore a simple white gown made of thin silk and a crown of baby’s breath around her head. A circle of snow underneath her feet had melted away and flowers had sprung up all around her. Her hair was black, her skin like petals, her eyes like the wings of a dragonfly.

“Titania,” Elias said, standing. “You’ve come alone.”

“I have, though I shan’t be long,” She said, her voice belying her youthful appearance. “I bring with me gifts for your little ones.”

“Gifts?”

“Yes. The heartache you expressed when last we met has stayed with me. I felt compelled to do something to set your mind at ease.” She opened her hands, and lying in each palm was a ring carved of dark wood, one on a gold string, the other on a silver one. “I told you your offspring held my favor, did I not?” She asked. “That was not a lie. You need not worry for their safety from our kind. These will tell all fae creatures that your babes are my godchildren and therefore under my protection.”

Elias did not recall agreeing to such an arrangement, but accepted the rings with a bow.

“Thank you, my Lady,” He said. “This is most generous.”

“You must bring them to visit us, Thorn,” Titania said. “It’s been so long since there were children in the Faerie Kingdom. Oberon is dying to meet the new magelings.”

Elias nodded without speaking, not committing to this. He wondered if her favor extended to not trapping them in the faerie realm.

“Be well, Elias. Take care of our sweet robin and those beautiful children. Dwell no longer on the darkness in your past and look instead to your future. Your legacy now resides in those new souls that you created, and not the mistakes you have made. You have been given a divine gift. Do not take it for granted.”

“I assure you, Lady,” He said seriously. “I have no intention of doing so.”

She smiled at him, and the body she inhabited burst apart into flowers and floated away like the seeds of a dandelion, carried away on a sudden wind that smelled strangely of spring grass.

Elias lifted his gaze to watch the petals drift away, putting the charms in his pocket.

Once everyone had gone home and the house was quiet again, Elias picked up a wailing Ivy, who quieted immediately, and sat with Ruth and Chise as Silver laid out their dinner. Chise fed Holly with one arm and fed herself with the other. Once Holly finished, Chise passed her to Ruth to be burped and held out her arms for Ivy, who Elias passed carefully over the dinner table. Silver waited at Ruth’s elbow with a spit-up cloth. They all seemed to be easing into this new normal well.

Elias and Chise took the children to their room and laid them down for sleep, with Ruth curled up on the floor between them. He was better than a baby monitor. Ruth was taking his oath to Elias to protect the children very seriously and was just as involved in their care as every other person in the house. It seemed there was no shortage of babysitters to be found for the new parents, and Chise found that comforting. The nightmare she’d once had of being overwhelmed with caring for two children at once with limited help faded from her mind.

With the children abed for a least a couple of hours, Elias and Chise took this time to spend with each other, something they hadn’t had much opportunity to do since the birth. They sat together on the couch of the sitting room, Chise in Elias’s lap and wrapped up warmly in his arms. She was so tired, she could have fallen asleep if she let herself.

“I’m sorry the party got too claustrophobic for you,” Chise said, twining and untwining her fingers with his.

“It’s all right,” Elias said. “I am actually glad for it. I’d much prefer that the girls were introduced to all our friends at once rather than make many trips to achieve the same result.” Reaching into his waistcoat’s pocket, he pulled out the ring pendants he had gotten. “Besides, while outside, Titania left a give with me.”

Chise took the trinkets and looked at them curiously. “That was nice of her. What are they for?”

“Protection, she said. It’ll ward off any of her kind that would do them mischief.”

Chise smiled. “She’s very thoughtful for a fae.”

“Yes,” Elias agreed. “I wonder if she will extend the same blessing to any additional children we may have.”

Chise swung and looked up in surprise. “You want more children?”

“It's not outside the realm of possibility. We can talk about it later,” Elias replied.

“You're serious. You really want another baby?”

“I merely said we’d talk about it.”

“That’s not a no.”

Elias laughed.

“Give me a year, at least,” Chise said in exasperation. “My body isn’t ready for another one so soon.”

“If you wish,” He said, hugging her tightly.

They sat happily in each other’s arms for the next hour, taking a well deserved rest, until one of the babies began to cry. Elias released her and followed her up the stairs to the childrens' room, where he consoled Holly as Ivy fed. When Ivy was done, they switched. After feeding, the infants resumed sleeping. Before they left, Elias affixed the charms to the wall above their bassinets, the silver one over Ivy, and the gold protecting Holly. The parents, exhausted, climbed into their own bed and fell asleep at once.

Every day brought something new, and Elias was learning so much so quickly. His entire universe had shifted, and thought it had taken time to get used to it, he greeted each wonderful development as they happened with an open heart. He awoke eagerly every morning in his new life, looking forward to what might be.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[ganymedesclock]

Why do you think Shiro sided with Lotor so much during this season, doing potential reckless things just to help him? Others have theorizes it's because of Haggar, but I don't think that's it.

I mean, I’ve made it clear in prior posts that I don’t think Haggar is actually doing anything to protect Lotor or directly influence Shiro’s behavior- she’s just observing, and indirectly influencing him via making him feel seriously under the weather, which is driving his snappy behavior.

As far as Shiro getting along with Lotor... I think part of it is that Shiro and Lotor are contemporaries in a way that Lotor isn’t with the other paladins.

Mentally, they’re not the same, but fit the same profile- the charisma and cognitive, strategic inclinations of the Black Paladin.

And unlike Zarkon, who fell from that position- who distorted or turned on many of those roles and is thus, just close enough to Shiro’s ethics to be incredibly personally reprehensible to Shiro- Lotor is, in effect, still Worthy, and if his character arc is doing anything, it’s him rising towards further worthiness rather than falling away from it. Oriande mostly accepted Lotor- he’s just got one last key to put in the lock.

Shiro slots in easily with Lotor not because Lotor knows how to play him like a fiddle as much as the natural perspective Lotor takes on things is very close to Shiro’s own. They can understand each other very easily. They were doing this before- in s3e6 Shiro was the one who rightfully mentioned to Keith on several occasions that they couldn’t just run headfirst at Lotor himself- he’s playing the long game so they need to focus mainly on the pieces he’s trying to take for himself.

As far as the recklessness, that doesn’t have nearly as much to do with Lotor as much as it does Shiro believing something is right. Again, something he’s done before- remember in s2e3 with Ulaz, Shiro didn’t stop pushing the issue until Allura caved, and once he’d defeated Zarkon in Black’s astral realm, he bashed ahead with allying with the Blade even though Allura still had some very deep misgivings about it.

Shiro’s strength of personality, role as team strategist, and resolve put him in a place that, push come to shove, in a major disagreement within the team, unless something changes his mind he will basically steamroll them to accomplish what he thinks needs to be done. He’s always been a little pushy- in the early episodes towards Lance in particular Shiro is rather harsh with him on multiple occasions, even shoving him when he’s flirting with Nyma- because Lance isn’t sticking to what Shiro sees as Proper Paladin Conduct.

It’s easy to overlook Shiro’s pushiness as compared to Zarkon’s in s3e7, because Shiro also believes very strongly in fairness, and not talking over people if he doesn’t think there’s a good reason for it. He doesn’t have a sense of entitlement or an assumption that he can just go ahead and not listen to people.

It’s worth noting that, again, both Zarkon and Shiro in s3e7 and s5e4 bash ahead with what they think is right against their team’s disagreement. 

But Zarkon in s3e7 lies to the team and manipulates them into danger. He doesn’t care if they don’t want to be in this car going this direction, he’ll convince them they’re driving in a different direction and then lock the doors and floor the gas.

Shiro in s5e4? The only people he takes to the Kral Zera are himself and Lotor. He believes this needs to be done, and the paladins won’t follow him- so he doesn’t even consider trying to wheedle or lie to them. He’ll go alone, he’ll risk himself personally for his ideas rather than demand that kind of risk from people who didn’t even want to be here.

But Shiro’s always been willing to take some risks, because overwhelmingly, when confronted with a threat on the horizon... Shiro wants to meet it headfirst. Staying on Naxzela when the pillars were rising in s4e6 or smuggling Lotor the black bayard / sneaking out to take Lotor to the Kral Zera in s5e2 and s5e4 aren’t reflecting new behavior.

In s3e6 his strategy to let Voltron take a direct hit in the interest of shooting down the cargo ship is very much how he would act with himself in the cockpit, and what he projects onto Keith as how he thinks a proper black paladin needs to act.

In s2e5 his idea to protect the castle was to use the Black Lion specifically as bait and fight through the ensuing pain / psychic attack, basically grabbing Zarkon’s undivided attention.

In s2e7 he waited until most of them weren’t even on the castle and the one other person there was distracted before he tried to connect with Black, when he knew Zarkon was maliciously exploiting that exact connection- and when Black appeared to kidnap him away from the castle he never once tried to call Allura for help.

In s1e10 he refused to run to the escape pod and would have gotten both of them captured.

Shiro’s always been a little bit risky because his problem-solving has always been a little bit aggressive. This even trickles through in his ruthlessly pragmatic and frankly intimidating on-foot fighting style- he’ll shoot you with a gun, he’ll drop steel drums on you, he’ll smack you around with his metal hand or slash you to ribbons with its laser cutting edge. There’s a thread of predatory animal mindset to Shiro- an inclination to press the attack when put under pressure.

In s5e2 Shiro is not going to abdicate control of the situation to Zarkon. And the person who seems the most reasonable to his sensibilities- who’s agreeing with him- is Lotor. But at the same time, Shiro doesn’t want to risk Sam. So he goes through with the swap- but he smuggles Lotor the black bayard to guarantee that Zarkon’s about to get a whipsword in his back.

And in s5e4, Shiro’s focus is Ranveig, Gnov, Janka, Sendak- the whole motley crew of dangerous galra who stand to take the throne. Unless the paladins back a candidate themselves, they’re going to lose whoever snaps up the reigns, and Lotor is the obvious lesser evil, especially because Shiro already feels vindicated that in s5e2 Lotor didn’t seize the Black Bayard and run off with it.

Both times, it’s a little less about trusting Lotor and a little more about there being, in Shiro’s eyes, an obvious threat- and Lotor is similarly motivated, similarly concerned, in that both of them would move in that direction independently if the other wasn’t there.

So it’s less “Shiro abnormally trusts Lotor” and more “local Black Paladin figures enter Same Hat death spiral”