#i had to miss ans reachedule my next gender affieming appt
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#genuinely having a rly hard time rn#w the reality that bc i injured myself badly this week and had to go to the hospital#i had to miss ans reachedule my next gender affieming appt#which was the first top surgery consult of many (original one to send in application)#and they cant fit me in for another FOUR MONTHS#which means my transition will be 4 months behind#on top of the YEARS its gonna take me to get the surgery#like#i just#havent stopped crying for days#after yeara of fighting the system to even get these appts and my hrt etc#only to have a dumb injury put me even further behind#im just like. devastated.#truly so so upset#(yes ik 4 months isnt that long. but u have to understand that i nearly killed myself last year bc of being denied care)#(and now those feelings r right back and bigger than ever.)#(im just. i rly wanna fuckin die like 10 times a day rn. i rly do.)#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#ducky's gender misadventure#*pls ignore typos my phone is broken bc i dropped it when i fell and hurt my back
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