#i have a now ex friend i've known for 7 years turn into a full zionist denying the genocide

[rapha-reads]

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[cashtonwoah-blog]

Better Man // Part 2

Hey guys! Hope you liked the first part of Better Man, my newest fanfict for Ashton! I'm really enjoying writing this, and felt inspired recently as I have just returned from a holiday! Enjoy this second part.

Warnings: light smut, swearing, slight mention of controlling relationships.

****

"He called you cute?!" Camila squeeled with delight, as I recalled the events from earlier in the day.

I sighed, but smiled a little. For once Camila actually sounded invested in one of my guy stories.

"And then... His mate just walked off with him?!" she asked confused.

"Well, Luke his friend, and band mate, basically dragged him back to have a nap, he'd had so much to drink Cami" I scoffed.

"He's in a band?!" Ed gasped.

"Go Y/N! You've pulled! " Camila cheered, clapping.

"Comeon guys, I was just providing support. He was quite drunk so I bet he doesn't remember any of it". I chuckle, picking up my drink and heading back to the bar after finishing my break. I wasn't try to make a big deal out of the chat with the boy as it wasn't a big deal, but he was kinda cute. And it was nice that he felt comfortable talking to me.

****

"Lucky number 7, numero siete" I hear the entertainer Sami shout from the stage. Bingo was a very popular game in the hotel, especially as the old folk found it fun. I'd noted that the hotel was busier tonight, filled with all ages, which meant good business. I'd already had to stop 2 guys on a stag do from having more alcohol. I continued to make my favourite cocktail for a lady at the bar, Love On The Beach, which had vodka, strawberry flavouring with peach schnaps and a dash of lemonade. I presented the lady with the drink, to which she lightly clapped.

"Excuse me miss?" I hear a voice say at the bar. I turn around and see the curly haired boy, looking rather sleepy. His hair was messier than usual, and he was dressed in the same clothes are he had on 5 hours earlier. He rubbed his hand in the back of his head in an awkward fashion.

"Well hello rockstar, back for another drink?" I jokingly ask.

He smirks, sitting down at the bar, placing his head in the palm of his hands. I decide to make him a special drink. It was my first drink I learnt from Camila, a hangover cure! Orange juice, lemonade and a few other secret ingredients. I make the drink up, and place it in front of him.

"Please tell me there's no gin in this" he groans, lifting his head up from the bar table to inspect the drink.

I chuckle. "None what so ever sir".

He goes to give me a €10 note to pay for the drink. I wave my hand across my chest.

"No charge, its on me" I smile, pushing the drink closer towards him. He replies with a wide smile, I note his big ___ eyes, looking at me.

"Thanks Y/N" he replies, taking a sip. He subtlety moans.

"That's lovely".

"Enjoy... D'you know, I never got your name." I chuckle.

"Really? How rude of me." the boy laughs, offering me his hand.

"My names Ashton" he says, shaking my hand.

"So I wanted to apologise for earlier, I wasn't myself, and normally I'm not that much of a drinker like that" he said.

"It's okay, I've heard a lot worse stories over the past few months. I witnessed a divorce at this very bar, so you're good" I reply.

"Wow" is all his reply is. He takes another sip of the drink, followed by 2 headache tablets.

"Did you have some dinner?" I ask.

"Not yet, I'm waiting for Luke and Sierra and then we'll head out for the night" he replies.

"So is Luke a friend in your band?".

"Yup, he's the guitarist and vocalist, I'm the drummer" he says proudly.

"That's so cool!" I smile. As I attempt to find out more about Ashton, I hear a clicking of a finger and find a big old gentlemen trying to beckon me over to his side of the bar. I sigh.

"Excuse me Ashton" I say, walking to the gentlemen.

"Finally! I've been waiting for service for ages!" the old man moans.

"I do apologise sir, how may I help?" I reply awkwardly.

****

Its 1am, and the stag do have finally left the bar to head into the town centre for a night out. I sigh in relief, tidying up so I can close up and head home for the night. It was my day off tomorrow so I was looking forward to a lie in. I decided to start clearing the tables first, filling my tray with cocktail glasses. I hear a smash of glass, I turn around and see Margot by shattered glass.

I groan, heading over to her with a brush and pan. I smile at her, and let her get on with cleaning up the mess. She just shrugs at me, and proceeds to clean up. Throughout my shift, all I've thought about is Ashton, and how lovely he was. For the rest of the night before Luke and Sierra returned, we talked about lots in between me serving customers. We spoke about living in England, something both of us had done.

"Don't you miss home?" I questioned.

"Yeah, but the boys and I knew that we had to leave Aus a bit to try and get known musically. It was brilliant, living on our own, no rules, no nagging mums-" he says.

"No cleaning" I interrupted, laughing. He gives me a playful nudge at my comment.

"So did you live alone in England before moving here?" he asks.

"I actually lived with my Dad until he remarried, which became difficult to I decided to stay here for good!" I reply with a smile.

Ashton pouts. "But do you not miss home?" he asks.

"Not really. I have bad memories of home, with family and other people, so it was nice to start all over here again" I reply.

"I get it, like I miss home but so much has happened since I moved out and focused on the band" Ashton smiles.

****

I continued to clean the bar, and manage to finish around 2am. I sigh looking at my Apple Watch, noting the time. I head to reception to sign out, and am greeted by Ashton, sat on the chairs, like he was waiting for someone.

"Hey Rockstar" I smile tiredly, trying to hide my yawn.

"Hey Y/N, going home?" he asks.

"Yup, off tomorrow which will be nice".

Ashton looks somewhat disappointed. "Oh? So I won't see you tomorrow?" he replies, looking at the floor.

"Not at work nope, but if you're in the town or about maybe I'll say hey" I wink, confused at why he appeared so disappointed.

"That would be nice, Luke and Sierra were thinking of heading to the beach tomorrow, so maybe see you around" Ashton says.

"Well personally, I'd go to the one further down towards the airport. Its much nicer and better quality sand, if you get me. I head there with Cami and Ed often, it's nice" I smile.

"I take it Ed and Cami are mates?" he asks.

"Yup, Cami is a cleaner here at the hotel and Ed works on reception." I reply.

"That's cool, well maybe I'll say hey to them if I see them around, point out next time? He asks.

"Will do, enjoy your night Ashton" I smile, signing my name and walk towards the exit.

"Goodnight Y/N" he smiles at me, before walking away.

****

I couldn't sleep last night, which was weird for me. Normally, I'm out like a light, but last night was different. I had Ashton on my mind and I couldn't work out why. The way he smiled at me, made me laugh all night at the bar. The sparkle in his Hazel eyes got made me feel gooey.

I decided to get up, and head to the local Spar to get some food bits for the day. I parked my car in the car park, and headed into the store. I grabbed a roll, some Lays crisps and a bottle of Pepsi. I turned into the sweet section and overheard a woman with an American accent laughing.

"Luke! There here, come get the candy" she laughed, before walking into the same section as me. I stopped, and recognised the voice as Sierra, Luke's girlfriend.

"Oh hello" I warmly smile, continuing my shopping and placing some strawberry laces in my basket.

"Hey Y/N, Ash said you had a day off today!" Sierra says, grabbing the same bag of sweets.

"Do I hear my name?" I hear Ashton say, as he turns the corner into where we're stood. As soon as he sees me, his face lights up like a little boy in Christmas day. I playfully wave at him. He comes over.

"Hey Y/N, did you decide on a beach day too?" Ashton says.

"As a matter of fact I did! I take it you listened to my suggestion of this beach?" I say, pointing to the beach over the road from the shop.

"Ahhh so you recommend it... That explains a lot." Sierra winked at Ashton.

"Well it would be rude of us to not invite you along to sit with us for the day, if you wanted?" Sierra asks.

"That would be lovely, thank you. It's always nice to have some company on my days off" I reply, excited at the fact that I get to spend time with them, as they seemed like a good bunch of mates.

Ashton smiled over at me, beckoning me over to the sweet counter.

"Now Y/N, what other sweets should we get?" he asks.

****

"You're definitely cheating!" Ashton insists, pouting like a four year and throwing the cards onto the blanket.

I laugh, picking up the cards and start to reshuffle the deck. It's the 5th round of Rummy and Ashton had lost every single round.

"What can I say, I'm just too good for you" I wink playfully. Ashton rolls his eyes, poking my chest playfully. I watch Sierra and Luke, who are play wrestling on the beach. Its been good hanging out with the three of them for the day. They've spoken a lot about the band, Luke and Sierra's relationship and planning future holidays.

"They're cute together" I admire the couple dancing on the beach. I look over at Ashton, who is also looking at them.

"Yeah, they've been through a lot those guys, I love them lots" he smiles. "They've both been great friends to me, especially recently".

"Can I ask you, what actually happened with your ex?" I asked curiously, not wanted to upset him.

"Myself and Kay had been dating for 6 months, things were going well, but I found myself not being able to give her my full attention, with everything that was going well with 5SOS. She started to make me feel guilty for being away from her. I tried to make effort more, but in the end she wanted more than I could offer. I tried to end up several times, but each time she'd come up with a different excuse or reason not to. In the end I stupidly invited her on this holiday with Luke and Sierra to try and calm things down. Biggest mistake. She took it as a sign that we would be getting back together, but I kept saying to her that I just want to be friends. We sat down the other day and she ended up storming off. So... That's it" Ashton said, his head facing down the whole time.

I pause, taking it all it. "I'm so sorry, it must have been difficult." I reply, placing a reasurring hand on his back.

"It's okay. I just feel bad that she wanted more from me that I can offer. She knew my schedule. I just wish I could find someone that understands that" he sighs.

"I get you, like a no strings things?" I ask.

"Basically yeah, it's how things with her started, but then it clearly got more complicated. Feelings get mixed up. Sex turns into moving in. It went quickly." he says.

"I get that. My ex jumped ahead, its scary, especially if you aren't ready for it" I reply, sighing.

"You went through the same thing?" Ashton asks, looking at me.

I pause, preparing myself to tell the story.

"Yup, and it ended messy. We dated for 5 months. Started off as a hook up after meeting on Tinder, and somehow he turned it into a relationship. I basically felt forced into it, he kept saying 'it's the right thing' when in reality I didn't want it. He insisted on making it a serious relationship, meeting family and making it official on social media. When I tried to end it, all I'd get is abuse, calling me crazy and stupid. In the end I managed to leave him, but he ended up stalking me for weeks after. In the end I got a retraining order, and I've had no trouble since" I said.

Ashton sat and listened to my entire story in silence, nodding a little and sighing with me.

"Wow, you've been through a lot" he said.

"Yup, but then I look at how happy I am now, at my new job, making new friends and meeting new faces each and every day, it gives me so much happiness" I reply smiling. Ashton smiles at this comment, knowing that I'm hinting at him.

"That makes me happy to hear. I'm glad we met y'know Y/N, you're a lovely girl" Ashton says.

"Thanks Ash, I guess you're alright" I reply giving him a wink. He jokingly pushes me to the ground, and jokingly pins me down to the sand, holding both of my hands. We're both laughing, before it all goes quiet. I look deeply into his eyes, memerizing each part of his face. His cute dimples on his cheek, the crease in his lips. Realising what he was doing, all of a sudden he gets up and walks in a circle.

I pause, confused.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, sorry, I shouldnt have done that" he replies worryingly.

"It's okay, we were only messing around. It was funny" I replied, shocked at how serious he was taking this.

"If you're sure, just don't wanna hurt you" he replies.

I laugh. "I'm a big girl Ash, I'll be okay" I laugh. He chuckles, rolling his eyes, before sitting back down on the picnic blanket again.

****

We get back to the Hotel, and I'm greeted by a beaming Camila, who introduces herself to Ashton, Sierra and Luke.

"Please excuse Miss Y/L/N, she's needed in a room urgently." she requests, dragging me arm away to room 263. She pulls me into the room, and I see Ed is already sat there patiently waiting, on the bed, legs and arms crossed.

"What in earth?" I whisper, realising that we're in a guests room.

"Oh don't worry they checked out an hour ago, no one new expected until later on" Cami reasurres me.

"So, spill some tea sis!!!" Ed chimes.

"Why didn't you tell us you were meeting up with the curly haired boy?!" Cami says.

"OK so his name is Ashton, and he's really sweet. We hung out with his friends at the beach, nothing special" I shrug.

"It looked pretty special to me, looked like a double date" Camila smirked. Ed clapped his hands at this.

"Ashton isn't really looking for... Anything... Or anyone for that matter... At the moment, so it definitely wasn't a date, just hanging out." I shrug, trying to contain my excitement that he was pretty cute.

"But still, he is cute girl, you gotta admit that" Camila said, smiling.

"Yeah, he is, I like him". I said, smiling and dancing around the room a little. Ed and Camila join in dancing with me, before we're interrupted by a knock. Camila forgot to shut the door behind her.

"You lot seem... Happy?" Ashton questions, seeing us all dancing. I can feel myself turning bright red, hoping that he didn't hear what I just said.

"Erm.. Yeah, just happy that it's the weekend!" Ed smiles, trying to cover our backs.

"Speaking of which, cool if I grab Y/N?" Ashton asks.

"You go ahead sweetie, we'll be just here". Camila grins from ear to ear, ushering Ed out of the room, and hide behind the corner so they can hear every word. I roll my eyes at this action.

Ashton chuckeled. "Your friends are funny".

"Yeah they're petty decent. Did you have a good day? I hope you liked the beach and that you liked the food also, because I really was worried tha-" I said.

"It was perfect, Y/N, thank you. Luke commented on how much of a great tour guide you were for us today. So thankyou. Plus you have a good eye for nice food!" Ashton smiles, lightly brushing his finger along my cheek. I can feel myself shudder at this light touch, making me legs feel like jelly.

"Speaking of food, to say thank you, I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight, just me and you. Is that okay?" Ashton asked.

I pause, shocked at his request.

"I-I would love to" is all I manage to reply.

"Great, it's a date" he winks, before walking off.

****

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

[shudderspeed-f8-blog]

This is me. Yes I was mostly naked and I am old but I don't want to be a younger girl now that I am not. You know how much young girls to tear each other down when you could be building each other up? I didn't realize it until I was older but I was a pretty girl much prettier than in this picture and I was being thrown into a competition I never signed up for and it was vicious!

Now I am old enough to be your mother- a lot of mothers my age talk about their kids using Tumblr And I'm in a photo group page whenever that has a Tumblr thing Link extension that well I figured I'd add one and so I'm doing that. Didn't know which picture to post first and this one is not in that group however I'm putting it here since it's not like you can see anything "naked naked ".

Now that was several years and several pounds ago-not that I'd be embarrassed really at what I look like now because I'm human and it's not like I've given up on myself. I have this tumor on my pituitary gland and no health insurance and it's wreaked havoc on my whole endocrine system including my weight which is usually around 125 pounds. I mean I normally wear a size 7 dress and I didn't need to wear a bra I was a small B cup but in the last 2 years my system just turned on me no matter how healthy I eat or how much I could move even though I started getting exhausted. Even with a little movement I kept gaining weight and I was like what the f**** Happening to my body?

My voice got lower suddenly I had boobs like giant boobs And it's deep voice giant boobs I was starting to wonder if I was turning into some kind of hermaphrodite but I'm not now it's all the stupid shit of arguments with medicaid and all this other crap just to see if I qualify for radiation and if it's operable because it's growing ... And of course I'd love to be a size 7 again but I would not like to be 21 again I would not like to be 16 again I would even wanna be 35 again.

I see these younger girls and theyll fight over anything and other girls will turn their friends against each other just to see what happens, just to knock out the competition and it sucks because if it's about a man it's really not worth it-there's so many of them and most of them are not that special .

I have a couple friends I've had since childhood in high school one of them since we were 14 and another since we were 13. I lost a friendship that I had for 30 years since we were 7 and 8 and that might as well have been over a man because it was over a woman I introduced her to-her future wife who was my college best friend and it turns out I didn't know her very well. And all I can hope is one day my original friend w see that I wasn't the person her current wife drew me out to be: I am the same person she met the summer there was first a woman in the presidential election (even though she was running mate with a man for vice president and even though she didn't win) and most of the people who might read this were far from being born.

Now even girls in their twenties look at me as a mother figure and I'm OK with that I want them to know I'm not the competition and I advise them no man is worth your best friend falling out with you 'sisters before misters" that's our "bro code" and look at the way that guys say it: they call it "Bros before hoes" and we're not "hoes" which is why women should stick together because it feels safer to be able to laugh when you're almost 44 with somebody you've known since summer camp and have a million nicknames for your ex boyfriends that you went cried your hearts out to each other over when they seemed so important at 15 20 25 for God's sake my pisces friend from summer camp is now an incredible artist who travels the world and we had a fight that lasted 10 years now I understand it as an adult but I sure ship didn't when I was 21. She was in my wedding and she laughed 21 years later and I laughed with her when I told her I wore my wedding dress to my divorce and I did see most I ever paid for one dress might as well get more than 1 where out of it and it fit me better the 2nd time this time I had boobs still anyways This is my Tumblr and it's probably going to be full of pictures of cats , Astrology posts and the man I live with. Good luck and hope you have a better day than you have so far.

- the aperture