#i have actually finished the recap part of the next report card already

[jq37]

I'm obsessed with Kipperlilly being the one who came up with the name "High Five Heroes" and being upset about the name change when, as far we know, she's the Rat Grindiest of them all. It gives me the vibe of the Chris Fleming bit about vibe dysphoria.

[Transcript]

"You know that thing where the most toxic person you've ever met over-relates to woodland creatures on social media? I call it Vibe Dysphoria. She'll put up a picture of a mouse in a jean jacket with 'It's me.' That is not you. I don't know how you got under the impression that you are a mouse in a jean jacket. You are an eel with a gun. She posts a toad with a basket of mushrooms like 'Me doing my little things.' Oh madam, there is nothing little about your things. You gave me psychosexual issues I'll carry to my watery grave. You are not a toad in the forest…You are a cruel woman who just happens to be small."

[makeste]

BnHA Smash!! 01 and 02: Smash!!Might is a Fucking Menace

okay, so. I have about a million other things I should be doing instead, including (1) responding to asks and/or finishing in-progress metas, (2) reading Vigilantes, and last but not least, (3) actually making a dent in the ever-increasing backlog of Actual Work That I Really Should Be Doing Instead.

so naturally I’m procrastinating by taking my first stab at reading BnHA’s cute 4-panel omake spinoff series, BnHA Smash!! IT JUST MAKES SENSE. look, I have exactly one thing I felt like actually doing and not procrastinating today, so I might as well do the thing. basically it’s my attention span’s world and I’m just living in it.

anyway! so apparently this series was scanlated by good ol’ Fallen Angels. that’s right; prepare yourselves for some very creative cursing, fellas. other background info for anyone who, like me, is unfamiliar with this spin-off: this series debuted on November 9, 2015, a little over a year after the original series. said original series was currently at chapter 66, meaning the Final Exam arc was just wrapping up.

so now that we’re all properly oriented, let me go over a few disclaimers real quick and then we’ll get started!

all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.

I’m aware that not everyone may be familiar with Smash!! even if they’ve read/watched the original series, so I’ve tried to make this recap comprehensible even if you haven’t read the spin-off. that being said, it’s probably more enjoyable if you have, so you can either purchase the first volume from Viz here, or read the chapter online (I don’t want to link directly, but the spin-off is available on most of the usual sites. literally just google “read mha” and you’ll find some good options).

this readthrough contains a handful of sorta-kinda spoilers for the BnHA manga, although there are no direct spoilers. just an indirect reference to a joke in chapter 242, as well as a reference to a theory which as of now is in no way canon. but just to be on the safe side I’m posting a heads-up.

and I think that’s it! so here we go.

so we’re opening with a brief summary of the series. people have superpowers and shit’s nuts. you know the drill

there’s also a brief description of the way that the superhero economy works, complete with Mt. Lady’s employees unionizing and demanding better pay

...what

guys I keep staring at this and thinking that surely, SURELY it doesn’t say what I think it says. sidekick... what... manager??

you know what? Viz unfortunately doesn’t include this series as part of their subscription package (WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR, VIZ), but it does at least include a free preview of Smash, and I bet you that this, the first fucking page of the series, is a part of that preview. so... let’s see...

okay, see, this actually makes sense! so did the FA scanlating team collectively all have a fucking stroke?! just, what??

this is one of the reasons why I had difficulty reading Vigilantes too, tbh. those early chapter scans were, uh. but at least Vigilantes has a Viz scanlation too. I don’t want to spend 10 bucks just to read one volume of this, but we’ll see. anyways

so now there’s a strip about baby!Izuku watching his favorite clip of All Might saving one hundred people from a bus accident or whatever

lol Inko you should not have left your shrewdly calculating four-year-old son unattended omg

TWELVE MONTHS’ WORTH OF TEXTBOOKS HOW CAN THIS EAGER YOUNG MIND RESIST

and this is why you don’t leave your credit card info saved on the computer when you have kids. life lessons learned today

this is the first indicator we have ever had that baby!Izuku wasn’t perfect and was, in fact, capable of being a little shit and giving his mom plenty of gray hairs in his own special way. ngl, I fucking love it

also 12,800 yen is about $118 USD, which is honestly a really good deal for a year’s worth of textbooks. he got three boxes of books! I just googled the average cost of college textbooks, and the google article said the average student spends about $1200 a year. so this is a fucking steal tbh

OH MY GOD INKO HOW MANY TIMES MUST HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF BEFORE YOU LEARN

at least install a fucking adblocker ffs. you’re lucky quirk supplement ads are the worst of the ads he’s getting! PARENTAL CONTROLS

now we are cutting to a comic about baby!Izuku defending another boy from my problematic fave, as seen in page one of the original series!

lmaooo

I’m not clear on how much of this spin-off can actually be considered canon. my understanding is that it is Horikoshi-reviewed and approved, even though he doesn’t actually write it. but it’s obviously a humor series, so a lot of it is just going to be jokes. that being said, I think my approach is going to be “if it’s not completely ridiculous and doesn’t contradict the actual manga, go ahead and consider it canon”

(ETA: I might change this up after reading the first two chapters. most of these strips would have terrifying implications if they were actually canon sob.)

anyhoo, this actually does contradict the manga in that we saw this encounter play out very differently. but I kind of wish it was canon regardless because looool. these cocky preschoolers and their fucking Battle Tears

the next comic is Mt. Lady accidentally stepping on a guy’s face and the guy being way too fucking happy about it (read: having a fucking nosebleed and taking an upskirt shot). we’re just going to skip this entirely. this is another problem I was having with Vigilantes too. you know, for all my complaints about Mineta and such, BnHA as a whole is so much tamer than it could be, and I need to give Horikoshi credit for that. he mostly knows where to draw the line, and to his credit he’s also much, much better about this kind of thing than he was when he first started. maybe Mineta’s standings in the character poll results are helping to clue him in

anyway, I’ll mostly just skip past the iffy stuff because I don’t have patience for it and there’s still plenty of other stuff to cover. so on to the next strip

which features a bunch of reporters fawning over Mt. Lady’s flashy quirk while Kamui Woods laments in the shadows

and yet we know this kid will have a prominent rise within the next six months. it’s so strange to revisit the start of the series and see how much things have changed in such a short time

oh my god

no one who dresses up as a giant mushroom could possibly have good intentions. I. just

and look at the fucking disappointment in Deku’s eyes. KAMUI WOODS HE BELIEVED IN YOU!

now some strange man is coming up to Deku and is all HEY YOU, YOU’RE A HERO OTAKU, TELL ME WHAT TO BUY MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. better not ask him unless you’re prepared to shell out $120 bucks for some fucking textbooks

hey, what!!

WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT HE BOUGHT HIM? unless it’s the action figure the kid appears to be holding? but I’m just going to go ahead and assume Izuku recommended the number one best gift that any seven-year-old child would love, i.e. a giant sword

now it’s a sludge monster omake!

so Izuku is trudging home all depressed after CERTAIN INCIDENTS, and Sludgey is glooping his way out of a sewer towards him

oh no All Might

my biggest takeaway from this is the fact that the entire second half of chapter one takes place after All Might has emerged from a fucking sewer. I forgot all about that somehow. or maybe it never fully processed until just now. but omg. this entire chapter must have smelled so fucking bad. these poor kids

wow All Might

sure called that one wrong. ah well nobody’s perfect

looooool

lmao, Smash!!All Might appears to be quite a bit more vain than the original. wow dude

btw, friendly reminder (and I think this is something that was actually pointed out to me after one of the recaps; that’s one of my favorite things about doing these) that All Might, after saving Deku, actually read his notebook before signing it. super-fast, I guess, because he’s the best. but yeah, so he knew exactly how smart and observant Deku was, and how much he wanted to be a hero. his decision to pick him as his successor didn’t just come out of the blue; even before the “my body moved on its own” thing, there was a lot Deku had going in his favor. this is one of those little details of which BnHA has so many, and which I love

lmao what the fuck

ngl this version of the series would have been amazing in its own way. but yeah. so this is why we clearly can’t assume everything in Smash!! is canon lol. but I can already tell I am going to enjoy the shit out of this series

now we’re cutting to Deku running at Sludgey in order to save Kacchan, oh shit. the most dramatic part of chapter one. clearly no moment is sacred

sob what

I don’t understand this strip at all. is this supposed to be a serious moment inserted unexpectedly among this multitude of joke strips? or did I miss the punchline? heeeeelp

(ETA: okay so. my best guess is that All Might wrote all over Deku’s life-saving advice, and so the joke is that Deku no longer knows what to do when assaulting sludge men because HIS NOTES ARE RUINED. idk. what does 25 P mean??)

now All Might has Done The Thing and saved my boys, and now Mt. Lady is helping with the cleanup. scooping up all the bits of sludge and putting it in trash bags

oh my god

nope nevermind. nope. nope

-- shit. okay, you know what? this first chapter has been a real in-your-face reminder of the fact that the sludge monster was not made of cute sparkly 2018-trending-fad slime, but was in fact composed of RAW FUCKING SEWAGE. (ETA: to be clear, I’m pretty sure the joke in this strip is that she accidentally picked up dog-doo during her clean-up. but still, the fact that it was indistinguishable from the rest of the gunk speaks for itself.) I think I forced myself to gloss over this fact originally due to the nope factor. but just. Izuku and Katsuki were both choking to death on this shit?? and just, how the fuck did they make it out of this not traumatized

and also, like. All Might was straight up going to leave Izuku alone afterwards, just, “well enjoy your autograph, fine citizen” and blasting off out of there. and everyone fucking saw Katsuki almost suffocate to death later on, and after giving him a pat on the back they fucking let him go off on his own too? and you can’t even make the argument that this was Just Another Day In Quirk Society either, because more than a year later, Katsuki is still a bona fide fucking celebrity from the media coverage of his attack. it clearly was not something that happens every day. in conclusion, these kids are resilient as fuck, and thank god for that because people apparently just do not give a shit, holy christ

anyway. at least Mt. Lady had gloves

OH MY GOD

I FUCKING KNEW IT OH MY GOD. THE ROIDS. MUSCLES LIKE THAT DON’T JUST GROW ON TREES, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LBS OF GARBAGE THIS KID HAULED OFF THE BEACH. THIS BOY BEEN HITTIN THE JUICE

Smash!!Might is so fucking shady omfg. probably sells cheap counterfeit electronics on Amazon

oh shit and that’s the end of the fucking chapter lol. that’s it?? that was only eight pages. fuck it, let’s read another. but first here’s Horikoshi’s note on the spin-off

so he really feels that Neda gets the spirit of the series and understands him. that’s very encouraging. the best spoofs and parodies are done out of love. I really think I’m going to enjoy this series

so! onward to chapter two

so here’s All Might dressed as Mr. 2 Bon Clay from One Piece, I guess??

“you know what’s funny? dressing a man in girl’s clothes LOL.” guys can we grow the fuck up. and also acknowledge that All Might can look good in anything, so this questionable gag wouldn’t have even landed anyway. you work that tutu All Might

lmao check out the past users of OFA here

All for One for All theory fucking confirmed lol. just look. that’s him in the back of the conga line. clearly

so Deku is all “hell yes why would I possibly say no??” but then

HIS LIMBS. lmao. sign here

in all seriousness, given the shit this kid has been through since the part of the series, All Might probably should have gotten him to sign a liability waiver of some sort. not that it would have stood, since Deku is underage! anyways Deku you totally have grounds to sue the shit out of the Symbol of Peace should you ever choose to do so. and the trend of Smash!!Might being shady af continues yes please give me more I love it

so now All Might is giving Deku his fitness plan which has a really elaborate name

given that this is Smash!!Might, I can’t help but wonder if this plan is in actuality some sort of MLM scheme. All Might are you trying to get Deku to do Herbalife

lol what in the fuck

the original series skipped right over a hell of a lot, it would seem. like the time Deku traveled to Arizona and fought coyotes in a poncho

I’m starting to suspect that Neda-sensei might be on some sort of substance. “let’s see what jokes can I make about chapter 2 of BnHA. I know, I’ll send the protagonist to a fictionalized version of the American Southwest in a sombrero, and then turn him into a 65-year-old oil tycoon.” naturally

lmao that’s really it, that’s the strip. moving right along. okay??

now Izuku is staring at the intimidating piles of Beach Trash and is all “I HAVE TO PICK ALL THIS SHIT UP?”

omg Deku no

somebody call Marie Kondo. Deku none of this is salvageable. not even to reuse in a color page photoshoot spread four years from now

OH SHIT

PROVED ME WRONG OH SNAP. SHOWED ME RIGHT WHERE I COULD PUT THOSE SASSY TAKES. MY BAD DEKU I’M SORRY

anyways I don’t know what Smash!!Might is so upset about. he probably wove some kind of clause into the contract Deku signed that allows him a percentage of the profits. unless Deku already spent it all on textbooks

what the fuck is this fucking series lmao

time for a round of “what is All Might casually crushing in this panel?” is it (a) a cardboard box, or (b) like, a mini-fridge or some fucking shit. IT COULD BE EITHER. IT MAKES EQUALLY AS MUCH SENSE EITHER WAY. “HEROES THESE DAYS ARE [FLEEEEEEX] OBSESSED WITH BEING FLASHY” 

holy shit no wonder he ran away to the Sierra Nevada. it’s only a matter of time before this freak fucking kills someone

NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO KAMUI WOODS DRESSED LIKE A DAFFODIL, IN THE SAME FUCKING COMIC STRIP, BECAUSE REASONS

my jokes about the mangaka being high as a fucking kite when he wrote this are gradually becoming less jokes and more serious inquiries??

lol so he coincidentally just stumbled across All Might and Deku at this exact moment

AND IT WAS A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR OH MY FUCKING GOD

do you guys remember during the final exam when All Might beat the everloving shit out of Deku and Kacchan, and everyone was all “JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU LEARN TO FUCKING HOLD BACK A LITTLE THEY ARE CHILDREN YOU MANIAC.” but now we can see plain as day that he was, in fact, holding back. anyways Smash!!Might is terrifying as shit and if this had been the main series I would have already pegged him as the final villain by this point

here he is now wearing an old-timey bathing suit but looking more like an escaped convict than anything else

this panel is actually canon. I’ve decided. this 100% definitely happened at some point. especially the swimsuit

now two bikini babes are walking up and they’re all “IS THAT ALL MIGHT??” with excited sparkly eyes because they don’t know that he’s actually a deranged con artist who crushes refrigerators like empty soda cans. this spin-off has truly opened my eyes

LOOK AT THIS SKEEVY FUCK. JUST LOOK

AND NOW HE’S RUNNING OFF AND LEAVING DEKU TO DROWN IN EXHAUSTION, SON OF A

“SUDDEN BUSINESS” KSJLDKF SMASH!!MIGHT IS A FUCKING MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ALSO DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. NOT ONE!! HE’S OUT THERE FUCKLESS, AND NO ONE IS SAFE

now Deku is approaching his mom all serious and says he wants to change up his diet

and she’s looking at the menu he prepared all impressed and thinking that she might join him. as long as it’s for your health, Inko. if this manga starts making jokes about your weight, I will beat it over the head with Deku’s textbooks

OMFG

THIS WENT IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION I WAS EXPECTING, AND THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER READ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. the whole fucking family is on the juice. and the fucking mangaka is on some special juice of his own oh my stars

now we’re cutting to Mt. Lady stomping on a car

thank fuck no one was actually in there. also does she not wear shoes

and also, it only just occurred to me that she must be another person with a special quirk costume, because her suit shrinks and expands along with her. Hagakure and Momo are really getting shafted by the costume design team here. they need to fire some people

anyway so Mt. Lady slipped on this carelessly placed vehicle and fell down and crushed an entire building whoops

bruh, you think you’re “ow.” let’s hope that building was empty too

and now she’s toppling another building just fucking because, I guess. and saying she can’t do urban areas

lmao and now the sidekick [CENSORED] manager from chapter one is back to guilt-trip her omg

I need this man to show up in every freaking chapter. please. respect my wishes

and now Izuku is standing on top of his collected pile of garbage screaming in victory

I only just realized that there’s still a big old Pile O’ Trash on this beach, though. someone needs to haul all of this junk away. or else get All Might and Mt. Lady to crush it all with a combined effort

oh shit here it comes y’all, the famous “eat my hair” scene. potential comedy gold right here omg

lol what the fuck

this man is a fucking billionaire and he’s out here clipping coupons and deleting pictures of his son in order to make room for them smdh

okay now we’re doing the hair scene

oh. oh no. I know where this is going sob please keep this comic rated PG for the children Neda

motherfucker they really --

Smash!!Might is a straight-up felon. this man has no fucking scruples. that’s okay Midoriya-shounen, if you don’t want to eat my hair we could just try some REDACTED, jesus christ I am going to need some bleach for my eyes after this

OR LET’S JUST STRAIGHT UP GO THERE WHY NOT

lmao sob. well, two chapters in and we’ve established that no territory is off-limits here. it’s a brave new world. wow

 so that’s it! our introduction to BnHA Smash!! I enjoyed it a lot and I will definitely be reading more! I’m not sure what kind of schedule I’ll keep, but this is a really good procrastination manga thus far, so knowing me I might actually work my way through this relatively quickly. especially since the Manga At Large is on break this week. anyways my deepest apologies to the many people who have been requesting for me to start Vigilantes instead. I just need something lighter right now, and this is a good fit. one of these days I’ll get my shit together with the other two spinoffs as well.

[recsnrecaps]

Meteor Garden (2001) Recap: Episode 1

Hi folks, it's 2019 and I'm finally fulfilling my childhood resolution to watch this drama. You have no idea - Meteor Garden was such a hit back in the day. However, back then it was only available either at specific time slots on TV or on crappy VCDs that were passed around the community (i.e. schoolgirls and aunties). I never could be bothered to watch it properly.

Imagine my surprise when I chanced across it on Netflix. I am aware that there's a 2018 remake of Meteor Garden, as well as the Japanese Hana Yori Dango and the Korean Boys Over Flowers, but the 2001 Taiwanese version is the original drama that spawned the madness. The buzz around the 2018 version is laughably negligible compared to the craziness in 2001. I'm so ready to experience the magic of 流星花园.

So without further ado, here we go.

Episode 1: Summary

We are introduced to Shan Cai (Barbie Hsu), who rides a crappy scooter to school. Right off the bat we realize that the school caters to the rich and the elite, where students are decked out in designer wear and get NT500000 (~ USD16000) nose jobs during the school holidays.

The fashion rivalry between classmates Bai He (Belinda Cheng) and Qian Hui (Zhang Ruo Zhen) cracks me up. It's petty, exaggerated, and deliciously obnoxious, solidly setting us viewers up with the premise of a school drama about rich kids.

A very normal Li Zhen (An-ting Yeh) appears to be Shan Cai's classmate and friend. She's pretty serious about her homework, having borrowed extra books to read up for the upcoming report assignment. Shan Cai laughs that Li Zhen might be the only student serious about studying in this school, everyone else comes to socialize instead. I’m guessing Li Zhen is on scholarship and needs to maintain her grades.

We cut to a classroom with a boy clearing out his books in order to drop out of the school. A crowd forms around him and the teacher (Bu Xue Liang) approaches to find out why he is leaving and to persuade him not to. However, upon finding out that the boy had offended F4, the teacher doesn't push the matter and instead encourages the boy to leave. Shan Cai watches helplessly from the sidelines and rolls her eyes at the hypocritical teacher.

In class, in a further act of hypocrisy, the teacher gives a lecture on the value of conscience.

Conscience. It's what we call 'moral courage'. It's the most basic quality mankind should have. In Chinese history, Confucius had the strongest conscience. Today, we'll discuss his core thinking. It focuses on benevolence. By benevolence, it means you do unto others what you would want them to do unto to you.

Unable to stomach his empty words, Shan Cai leaves the classroom in a huff. She heads to the roof launching a tirade against the unfairness of the University and coins the term "Pig Head 4". "So what if your family owns the school," she declares. "You better not mess with me. I'll never submit to you."

The 4 in question are just arriving at the University in their comfortable chauffeured rides. We get to watch the boys saunter around and the camera obliges with close ups on each one of them as they stride into campus.

Dao Ming Si (Jerry Yan aka Yan Cheng Xu)

Hua Ze Lei (Vic Zhou aka Zai Zai aka Zhou Yu Min)

Xi Men (Ken Chu aka Zhu Xiao Tian)

Mei Zhuo (Vanness Wu aka Wu Jian Hao)

Shan Cai and friend watch in horror as the teacher accidentally bumps into Dao Ming Si, spilling coke all over him. Apologizing frantically, he kneels over Dao Ming Si, attempting to wipe the soda off his shoes. Dao Ming Si ignores his apologies and we get to hear his trademark catchphrase, "If apologizing is enough, what do we need police for?"

Dao Ming Si waves the teacher off to the side and viciously kicks over the basket of balls while striding off. Shan Cai gapes in amazement at his arrogance. Suddenly, a hand reaches out to righten the fallen basket. It's Hua Ze Lei (known as Lei to his friends), who has a perpetually blank expression on his face and appears to be the only member of the F4 who isn't a douche. While adjusting the basket, he turns and makes brief eye contact with Shan Cai, then hurries off after Dao Ming Si.

At the cafe where Shan Cai works part time, she complains to her co-worker Xiao You (Rainie Yang) about her awful school and the awful boys. It’s exposition time! We learn that F4 Stands for Flower 4, and the boys belong to 4 rich and influential families who own the school. When Xiao You prompts her to confirm that the boys are really all that bad, Shan Cai hesitates and says that maybe one of the 4 is “different”. Methinks she’s starting to have a crush on someone!

As the two continue their conversation, we learn that Shan Cai used to be very outspoken against bullies, in contrast with her current passive nature. Xiao You remarks that she hardly recognizes the Shan Cai now. Inwardly, Shan Cai agrees, hating herself for turning into a coward.

When Shan Cai returns home, she makes an attempt to tell her family she doesn’t want to continue studying at this school. Unfortunately, her mother would hear nothing of it. Turns out her mother had pulled strings to get her daughter into the elite Yingde University. Her mother is fixated on Shan Cai getting a good boyfriend from school and networking well with people from high society so that their family can ascend into a higher social strata. Shan Cai’s poor dad gets berated by his wife for not getting a promotion for the past many years, unlike their neighbors. As the parents bicker, the resentments pile up, making for very awkward dinner conversation. In order to pacify them, Shan Cai promises that she would continue to study at Yingde University.

What a weird couple.

That evening, the F4 hang out at a bar. The boys appear unaccustomed to such a venue, noting with puzzlement that the establishment doesn't serve foie gras or vintage wine. We get to hear them in conversation for the first time ever, teasing Dao Ming Si about his unruly hair and his rigorous hairstyling session to tame it. Lei remains ever silent, using only a thumbs down gesture to communicate his opinion on Dao Ming Si’s new hairstyle. Throughout the night, he keeps staring at his mobile, as if awaiting a call.

It turns out that the boys are only there because Xi Men's latest girl wanted to meet Xi Men at the bar. Which begs the question - why are the other 3 following  Xi Men on his date?! In any case, according to show logic, it’s the right course of action as everyone is present when the loser boyfriend of Xi Men’s girl shows up with a gang of hooligans and causes a scene. The boys slip into action and begin beating up the hooligans. All except Lei, who gets up and slips the owner of the bar NT15000 (~USD500) for the damages before leaving.

The next day at school, Shan Cai stands up for Li Zhen who had accidentally tripped and spilled dirt all over Dao Ming Si. I actually feel sorry for the poor dude who keeps getting things spilled on him. To put a stop to Li Zhen’s apologies, Dao Ming Si does his usual rough shove and pushes Li Zhen into the wall, incurring the wrath of Shan Cai. She shouts at him, calling him a parasite leeching off his parents and declares that the F4 should be called Pig Head 4. Dao Ming Si announces that she has some nerve and stalks away. As the four boys walk past, she thinks to herself that she's going to be dead meat.

At home, she receives zero support from her parents when she mentions once again that she wants to quit school. Instead her manipulative mother fakes a panic attack that miraculously subsides when Shan Cai promises to finish her studies. That night, Shan Cai sleeps restlessly, dreaming of being tormented.

At school, Shan Cai receives the F4 red card and a series of montages show how her life becomes hell. Everyone shuns her, even Li Zhen and Shan Cai is subjected to prank after prank. Finally, a drenched and annoyed Shan Cai escapes to the roof. She leans over the ledge and yells her heart out, cursing the Pig Head 4 with bankruptcy and high cholesterol, for their bodies to be ripped apart by horses and their souls to go to hell. Haha, how inventive. She doesn’t realize that Lei was on the roof too, privy to her outburst. She startles when he asks her if there was anything else. What a delightfully awkward moment. Shan Cai backs away warily as Lei leans forward, but he was only offering her his handkerchief. She accepts it and dabs at her wet hair. Softening up to Lei, she thanks him and begins to apologies for her earlier curses. However Lei cuts her short saying “I’m not interested in other people’s business.” He turns to leave and Shan Cai makes to return him the handkerchief. He ignores the gesture and tells her to throw it away as it is already garbage anyway.

What an awful thing for Shan Cai to hear. He is insinuating that because she used the handkerchief, the handkerchief no longer has any value to him and deserves to be in the trash. Shan Cai thinks back to her earlier assessment of Lei and concludes that he must not be so different from the other 3 after all.

The episode ends with Shan Cai heading home with her scooter. Except this time she has to wheel it along the road because her fellow students had damaged it. A flashy convertible pulls up beside her, and Dao Ming Si leans out to gloat at her. He tells her that he’s impressed with her determination, and will work harder to humiliate her.

Episode 1: Thoughts

Oh where do I begin! This episode does a good job of setting up so many interesting characters, especially the F4. Dao Ming Si appears cocky and rude, but he's the quintessential bad boy. I fully expect a redeeming arc on how he is actually a big softie. In contrast, Lei is mysterious and charming. I wonder what's the story behind his anti social behavior. The other two members kind of fade into the background as we haven't actually seen them do anything except pose and strut around. As for our heroine, Shan Cai, I suppose she's relatable enough as a first lead. We’ve met her family, schoolmates and friends and have a decent insight into her motivations for her actions. I'm so excited for her to show some spunk and challenge the boys to a showdown soon. 

Despite being 18 years old, the show retains its charm. Unfortunately, fashion-wise the show has not aged well at all. What we have here is literally a time capsule of dated 90s trends such as spaghetti strap tops, rebonded hair and frameless spectacles. Plus Dao Ming Si’s ridiculous bandanna is just absurd.

We know in hindsight that this show kickstarted the entertainment careers of these 4 actors of F4. In 2001, after Meteor Garden aired, Sony Music Taiwan signed the 4 boys as an actual boyband bearing the name F4. It’s amazing how these formerly virtually unknown 4 individuals owe their success to this show.

Onward to the next episode!

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Tucker Chapter (OG 07, BH 04)

We’ve caught up to Brotherhood’s timeline! This isn’t quite a 1:1 comparison, as some of the introductory bits were covered in OG 06, but for the most part we should be able to compare the two episodes directly.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 7: "Night of the Chimera's Cry"

Ed is now a "dog of the military" for having passed the state alchemy examination. Mustang gives Ed a silver pocket watch, being a symbol of his rank and an alchemical amplifier. Ed writes a letter to Winry, and Nina writes one to her mother. After Tucker's reluctance in answering Ed's questions concerning the talking chimera that he created two years ago, Ed investigates at the state library but is denied access. On the way out of the library, Ed encounters a mysterious man with a cross-shaped scar across his face, and a strange tattoo on his right arm. After Brigadier General Basque Grand finds out about Ed's investigations, he orders him to cease and desist, having the Elrics moving out of Tucker's mansion. However, the Elrics sneak into the mansion into Tucker's laboratory in the basement, where he has just finished creating another speaking chimera in order to satisfy his yearly examination requirements. Ed then verbally places the pieces of the puzzle together, revealing that Tucker was responsible for using his wife for his first chimera, and now he is using Nina and Alexander for his new chimera. Tucker tries to accuse Ed that he is guilty of this as well, and Ed nearly beats Tucker to death in response, though is stopped by the Nina-Alexander chimera. As Tucker is arrested, Ed manages to free the chimera, which escapes into an alleyway and encounters the scarred man. He declares it to be a sin against nature, and ultimately deconstructs it. The scarred man disappears, and the Elrics discover Nina-Alexander's blood-smeared remains on the alley wall.

Tucker watches Nina play in the yard with an anguished expression.

Mustang tosses Ed his State Alchemist watch quite callously, and Ed is disappointed.

MUSTANG: Congrats. You're a dog of the military now.

Nothing about it letting you do alchemy without a circle, so I guess we’re left to assume Cornello just didn’t know what he was talking about.

Ed makes a crack about Mustang wanting a promotion, and Havoc tells him seriously that yes, he'll do anything to move up the ranks. Foreshadowing.

There is a serial killer targeting women.

Havoc reminds Tucker his assessment is coming up soon. Tucker looks nervous.

Tucker claims that his wife left them because he was too poor, and that if he fails the examination, they'll fall into poverty again.

Ed restrains Scar from entering the library, saying he needs to pass the exam like everyone else. As a kid, I think this is more excusable from him.

Ed goes to Hughes when he's denied access, because Hughes said he was in intelligence last episode. Oh, that's clever! Hughes tells him Tucker's chimera said it wanted to die and then starved itself to death. He also reveals Tucker's wife is actually dead.

Ed has a PTSD attack when he sees the woman's mangled body. When he recovers, Tucker explains that he figured out that they did human transmutation, but he understands their reasons.

Tucker's lab looks like a torture dungeon. Everything is very poorly lit.

Tucker claims the real reason he fused Nina was to prove that he could, and insists that Ed's attempt at human transmutation was no different. Ed flies into a rage, beating him so savagely he draws blood. Nina stops him, and Ed attempts to separate her. I think this is a really important part of Ed's character: he's a very dark and flawed person, but at his core he really is a genuinely good person, and it's vital he gets opportunities to show that.

Ed flips out at Grand, accusing him of covering it up and planning to use Nina as a test subject. Grand punches him, and Ed visibly staggers and clutches his stomach for the rest of the scene. Ed uses alchemy to warp the road and topple the van.

Scar has not yet started killing State Alchemists. He's still figuring out how his arm works and what he's supposed to use it for.

Ed has a breakdown when he finds Nina's bloodstain, and actually cries.

FMA Brotherhood Episode 4: "An Alchemist's Anguish"

A mysterious man with a cross-shaped scar across his face attacks and murders Brigadier General Basque Grand. The Führer orders Hughes and Armstrong to use all available resources to stop the murderer. Meanwhile, to avoid being in their debt, Mustang introduces Edward and Alphonse to state alchemist Shou Tucker, the "Sewing-Life Alchemist", who obtained his credentials by creating a chimera which could understand human speech. He opens up his library to the Elric brothers to study living creature transmutation, but they also spend time playing with Tucker's daughter Nina and the family dog Alexander. On returning to the house for another study session, they find that Tucker has created another speaking chimera in order to satisfy his yearly assessment requirements. However, Edward is furious to discover that the chimera was created by combining Nina and Alexander. He then realizes that Tucker did the same with his wife two years earlier and Alphonse stops Edward from nearly beating Tucker to death. Mustang tells him that by being a state alchemist, he must prepare himself to take a life if called upon by the military. While Tucker is arrested for his actions, he is visited by the scarred man, who kills him, and then delivers a mercy killing to the Nina/Alexander chimera.

We get a recap of the previous episode before the title card. Not sure why it thinks this is necessary.

We open with Scar already killing State Alchemists. Grand makes cannons out of the cobblestones. As with Ed's train cannon, I have to wonder where he's getting the gunpowder – though since this is his specialty, he might carry the materials on his person.

Grand also raises massive metal walls from the road. We can presume he is drawing metal ore from the rock, but he's still making an awful lot of metal.

And Scar just... kills Grand. Okay. Well, that was a waste of a character.

There's a lot of blood spurting when Scar kills Grand, but no visible wounds. I was expecting his head to explode at least.

Then we cut to Team Mustang doing clerical work. There's a report on Yoki and a reference to the Youswell incident, but no details beyond that the Elrics were involved. So I guess Brotherhood wants to assure us that's still canon, but didn't think it was important enough to spend an episode on. Reasonable.

Ed groans when he hears he has to meet with Mustang. It hasn't been established why he hates him yet, so that's a little weird. I guess we can take it as an in-medias-res thing, to be explained later.

The hook to make them meet Tucker here is that they start going on about how impressive it was that Cornello made a chimera with the Stone, and that they don't know much about biological alchemy. That seems… really random. That was hardly the most impressive or even the most visible thing he did with the Stone. It's reasonable for them to take an interest in it, but that just highlights that it should have been the first thing they researched when they got to Central. It's really bizarre that the people looking to restore their bodies completely ignored an entire field about that for three years and only now go "Oh hey, actually that sounds useful."

Mustang is referring them so he's not indebted to them for handling the Liore case. So apparently they actually were on military business there.

Mustang tells them the story of the talking chimera in place of Hughes, on the ride over there. Okay wow, so we are really speedrunning this then. What is pacing.

Tucker doesn't apologize for being sexist, and more directly says his wife ran out on him when explaining the mess in the house. Possibly this is just different translations?

Tucker is a lot more aggressive, demanding that they tell him why they're interested before he shows them his research. Goes into scary shiny glasses mode when he says this. Ed tells him everything.

Tucker shows them his lab right off the bat. It's better lit and much less sinister-looking. He also mentions he hasn't been doing very well.

Tucker is framed as much more obviously evil in pretty much every scene. He keeps doing the creepy glasses-adjust thing while making creepy expressions and having creepy music play.

Ed gets angry at Al for playing with Nina.

Ed gets comically angry at the dog and fights it. For once I can say without reservation that the comic relief is totally appropriate.

The Elrics leave for the day, and Havoc gives his message about the assessment. Tucker just says "I know" creepily, with no indication of anxiety or conflictedness.

Tucker exposits about the assessment to Nina. Shouldn't she already know from last year?

Tucker does look solemn when he hugs her.

The next day, Nina tells the Elrics her mom left. Nothing about the letters or anything.

Nina says her dad's always in the lab. There's a small flashback to the Elrics remembering their father doing the same, and Ed suddenly decides to play with Nina. That's sweet, and nicely subtle.

While they play with Nina, there's a cut to Tucker in his lab. This time it is all shadowy, lit only by one gaslamp. Geez, Tucker, you're already wearing glasses, stop ruining your eyes even more.

Cut to Team Mustang discussing Scar's murders. Armstrong brings up the perverse nature of State Alchemists, saying alchemy is supposed to be for the people but State Alchemists turn it into a weapon of the State. The Ishbalan War is also mentioned.

Cut to Tucker giving his backstory about his wife leaving him and why he needs to pass the assessment. Why, exactly, is he telling them this? They're just random strangers in this continuity. Also odd that the Elrics would ask in the first place. This reeks of needing to deliver exposition regardless of sense.

The lighting actually is darker in this scene, but it doesn't feel as natural to me, more like it's cel-shaded.

There's a mini-flashback to him arguing with his wife.

Tucker offers to play with Nina the next day. The Elrics find nothing suspicious about him doing this so close to the assessment.

Pathetic fallacy is in full force: we get a shot of the storm clouds outside as Ed discovers the Nina chimera. This seems over-the-top to me.

Tucker actually covers himself better here, telling Nina "That person is Edward," instead of "That's Edward, your friend."

We spend slightly more time on the shot of Ed's realization.

Tucker's "not so different" speech is very similar but a little compressed. I feel like it loses something when they didn't have a philosophical conversation earlier. I thought that lent him a bit more credibility, because Ed didn’t refute it then. There’s also the element of perversion in how it was initially framed as positive advice given by a father figure and now that’s all been twisted... there’s a lot of nuance lost here.

Ed looks more sad and anguished as he's punching Tucker. The beatdown actually looks less violent to me – the camera keeps shaking and cutting between perspectives so quickly we can't really focus on anything, and I don't think there's any actual blood splatter. We do actually see Tucker's bleeding face for a split-second, but I personally thought it was more horrific to just see Ed wailing on him as blood flew everywhere. Let the audience’s imagination do the work for you.

One of the blood splatters makes it look like Ed is crying blood. Like it literally looks flush with his eyeball. In later shots it isn’t flush, so I guess that was just an art goof.

Nina doesn't restrain Ed, but she does ask if her dad is hurt.

The brothers don't try to unfuse Nina, they just say it's beyond their power.

We spend more time on Tucker saying how great it is he'll be a State Alchemist again. Ed kicks the watch out of his hands and he crawls over to it like Gollum. This feels over-the-top.

Mustang handles the case this time, and muses that they're not so different because he's killed people in war. That's not really the same thing, Mustang.

Ed is sulking, but it's unclear if he was crying – he sounds like he's sobbing at a few points, but there are no tears. Mustang tells him to suck it up and deal because there's plenty more cases like this, implying that he may have sent Ed here on purpose to teach him a lesson.

EDWARD: Whether we get called dogs of the military, or cursed as devils, Al and I are going to get our bodies back.

I find the phrasing here noteworthy – Ed is only concerned about persecution, not the implication that he will be doing things to deserve it.

Ed starts going on a dramatic rant and Mustang and Riza just walk away. LOL.

Scar shows up and kills Tucker. I initially asked "How did he get in?" but that is actually explained with a helpful cut to the guards outside having been turned into bloody messes.

Nina cries when she sees her dad get murdered in front of her. Jesus, Scar. He still kills her, but all she says is "Dad", nothing about being in pain, so he looks like he's just killing her for being a chimera. Yeesh. You're not scoring a lot of points on the sympathetic villain front, Scar.

Conclusion

I think these two episodes are lessons in "show, don't tell," and "less is more". Brotherhood's version just feels so rushed, a villain of the week with no greater significance. Ed couldn't save the innocent girl, isn't that sad, now let's move on. We don't linger on anything long enough to form a real emotional attachment. Even if it did, the endless HEY HAVE YOU REALIZED TUCKER IS EVIL YET HAVE YOU HAVE YOU would have wrecked that anyway. It's so trite. It's also so forced – there's no real reason for Ed to be visiting him at this point, and if they actually learn anything from the research, it's never mentioned. It's so transparently just an excuse to place them in position.

In OG's version, this becomes part of an actual arc in the brothers' lives. We have time to get invested, get a sense of wrongness without it being obvious, to feel like we got the rug swept out from under us instead of expecting it. There is a sense of progression, with real foreshadowing as Ed slowly pieces it together. Moreover, the change of Tucker becoming their guardian informs so much of this. These are no longer skilled, hardened shonen protagonists dealing with the tragedy of the week. These are desperate children who have to see this horror destroy their adoptive family. Even after you process the tragedy of Nina's suffering, you're left with the tragedy of: what will these kids do now? Who will take care of them? Will they be able to trust anyone ever again?

It’s also just so important that Ed actually plans to separate Nina, and moreover puts his life on the line by fighting a scary general for her. He knows there’s probably nothing he can do, but he wants to try anyway, because he cares. Because that’s the kind of person he is. It’s so easy to tell yourself you don’t have to try because there’s nothing you can do. That’s almost never actually true. To do nothing is, itself, a choice. And indeed, Scar shows that there was a solution here -- it was just one they couldn’t bear to take. Now, was that the correct solution? Is it right to give a mercy killing to a suffering toddler when you can’t ask her permission because she does not even know how to express such a concept? Should Ed have tried to separate her anyway, even knowing it likely would have killed her? And of course, the elephant in the room: should we really be expecting a sobbing 12-year-old to be a rational moral actor in the first place? OG gives us so much to engage with, important questions, important choices, important feelings.

I cried so bad I could barely focus on this writeup when I saw the OG episode. I didn't cry at all when I watched the Brotherhood version. That should really tell you something.

I also prefer OG's portrayal of Scar here. You can see how he is, himself, lost and confused. He's a mysterious figure I sympathize with and want to learn more about, not just a one-note murder machine.

We are already beginning to see divergences in the plotlines, too. In Brotherhood, Tucker and Grand were both killed. In OG, they're still around. Followup on that, there will be.

[sneakyhomunculous]

RPT Phoenix Report: Back to Back!

Part 3: Crunch Time

So to recap I finished day 1 6-2

WWL WWLWW

This is a reasonably happy 6-2! 

You have the 

LLWWWWWW  Ecstatic 6-2

WWWWWWLL So tilted you may not even show up for day 2 6-2

Mine fell somewhere in the middle of the extremes.

But of course, 6-2 is 6-2. And my breakers should be pretty strong + the tournament is quite small compared to recent PTs. Multiple X-4s should make T8

Myself Jarvis Allen Knox and Mark have dinner at a nice Thai place. 

Unfortunately we waited like 90 minutes for a table, but in the end it was worth it as we just hung out at a bar next door. and the food ended up being really good.

We don’t get back to the house until pretty late, and we are greeted with Tom Ross laying out the UW Pioneer deck 

“To fix it up for the GP Tomorrow”

Instead of going to sleep I watch Tom cut multiple supreme verdicts, go up to 4 mystical disputes main, add a horribly awry to the main, sneak a tomik in the SB, along with many other hilarious changes.

He ended up registering 4 disputes main loooool IDK what his list was exactly but he ended up playing vs tons of aggro and still going 7-2. 

Not sure how he finished up day 2; some middling finish I think. Turns out mystical dispute is worse than supreme verdict against mono red and black.

I get to bed a bit late but wake up feeling good.

We get over the Breakfast Club earlier today with time to eat. 

I already know I’m in pod 3 with Oli2 Efro Cain Lauphiette Bloody Sadowsky and Murahashi.

We get to the site right at 9 again and I find myself in a decent seat. I have Oli 3 my left and Efro 4 away. I’m being fed by Joel Sadowsky with me feeding Bloody.

I don’t know a ton about these players preferences or limited abilities, but I do know that Oli and Efro are both very good and I am happy to be seated away from them.

This draft was a bit wild; I open Setessan Champion and take it over who cares i forgot.

I 2nd pick Alirios over some weaker cards i don’t remember, a pretty weak pack. I think there may have been like a red omen and something else but it was easy Alirios and I always want to be blue anyway.

3rd pick I happily take Mire’s Grasp over nothing

4th pick I am greeted with a Dryad of the Ilysian Grove. Not the best card or anything, but i have a setessan champion and love drafting 3-4 color UG decks so this got me excited.

I fill out this pack with an icthymorphosis, a satyr grovedancer, a late cling to dust, and i know a nexus wardens tabled. I also have a memory drain a brine giant and an altar of the pantheon to keep an eye on.

Going into pack 2 I’m not really sure if I’ll be UG or GB or some combo inbetween, but I really want to be green bc of Champion.

I open Thassa’s intervention in an otherwise unexciting pack so I take that. I like this card more than most people I imagine; I think it’s very good.

I am passed lots of really good cards, but I ignore them bc there is an illysian carytid.

I’ve drafted this deck enough to know how important carytid is; and my spidey senses just tell me that I need to be base green and stay as wide open as possible to playing the gooooods that I will be receiving much too late.

Unfortunately the rest of this pack is pretty weak. I pickup a nylea’s intervention like 5th and somewhere in here I get a riptide turtle a mystic repeal a relentless pursuit 2 omen of the hunts a hierophant a 2nd altar of the pantheon and a watcher of tomorrows. Nothing exciting but I’m realllllly set up to splash anything ever.

In pack 3 I open Eat to Extinction and nothing, easy pick.

I’m finally rewarded and passed Calix, Destiny’s Hand. I already have a ton of enchantments with a few of them being removal like ichthymorphosis and mire’s grasp.

Unfortunately the rest of the pack sort of fades, I get a late Drag to the underworld and tymaret, as well as a return to nature a 2nd relentless pursuit a Nyleas Huntmaster a 6/7 colossus and another brine giant.

When building my deck I end up waffling between a lot of different configurations, but in the end I realize to make my mana really good I need to cut tymaret and drag and just splash black. 

Bc I’m lacking esape and ways to deal with it I splash the cling to dust, one of my favorite cards in the set.

My final deck is like 7 forests 6 islands 2 swamps 1 plains 1 carytid 1 dryad 2 omens and nyleas intervention for fixing. I have thassas intervention, relentless pursuit, setessan champion, cling, Calix for card advantage, and then i have grasp icthymorphosis eat to extinction mystic repeal for removal. Round it out with alirios dryad wardens turtle and some big dumb creatures; I quite like my deck and I even have lots of playable sb options.

R9 Joel Sadowsky

This match was a real banger and I wish i could remember the details better.

Joel was feeding me and he has a pretty strong RG deck. He has multiple incendiary oracles and is quite aggressive overall.

He draws his Mythic Phoenix in all the games, and he also has Typhon and maybe chimera as well (i think it may have actually been rage hound not chimera) But anyway he is beating down and escaping.

In g1 I think I assemble ichthymorphosis on one of the escape creatures and I get Calix going while eat to extinctioning a different escape creature. I just survive at a low life total and bury him in Calix cards.

In g2 I feel like I am constantly fighting to get on equal footing but if I can just put my foot down I will be ahead. Unfortunately things just keep snowballing with phoenix and then wings of hubris and I ultimately can’t deploy my cards fast enough and am forced to make suboptimal plays and blocks and eventually die to the wings.

G3 was just great. 

There is a ton of back and forth and on the last turn I leave myself dead to phoenix with only a black up, and he has it and pumps it and goes to extend his hand to say GGs lol; but i cling a creature in his yard to stay at 1 life and untap and deal with phoenix. I have to fade wings for a turn or two but then I can cling again and on the last turn he ends up being able to put me to exactly 1 again after I cling for a 3rd time. 

Clinggggggoat

7-2

I’m feeling good and hoping to fade Oli2 and Efro. I find out Efro lost but Oli2 has a busted white pious wayfarer deck, thats bad news.

I see the pairings and am relieved to see it is Lauphiette and not Oli, but that relief is short lived as Lauphiette begins giving me the business.

R10 Lauphiette Kincey

G1 is a really back and forth affair where Lauphiette sticks a commanding presence on a flier for a turn, but I peel the land I need to Nylea’s intervention it away. He then lagona bands the presence back, but I am able to keep his fliers at bay mostly and he seems to be taking things slow. Turns out he has Shatter the Sky and has been sandbagging a bit.

Luckily I have too, and after drawing a card from Shatter and for my turn I rebuild quickly, and I am able to hold off his presence + leftovers.

G2 and 3 are just a lesson in what happens when your opponent knows how to sideboard and u are playing a 22 land deck or whatever.

Lauphiette boards in multiple memory drains to go with his thassas’ intervention/denial/denies and I just struggle to resolve any of my good cards.

I fight my best, but in g2 he has deny for my t3 champion and then I have pretty awkward mana and never really get much going.

In g3 we hilariously play draw go for like 8 turns when he breaks first casting a big thassas intervention, i respond with my own big intervention but he counters it. I untap and go for champion which he counters, but i stick Calix.

Unfortunately Calix is not jace the mind sculptor and he just easily beats it with a bunch of fliers. Ultimately my deck was just too much air and he has all vexing gulls and counterspells and despite me fighting like hell thru all of it; he is going to kill me with damage while I also have 0 cards in my library and nowhere close to killing him. 

7-3

I’m feeling a bit down after this loss as I know I can’t afford to lose again. It sucks that magic tie breakers work this way, but if I would’ve lost in like R12-13 instead I wouldn’t have felt as bad knowing I probably had another loss to give.

I regroup, convincing myself my deck is absolutely busted. (Deep down I know I just need to win this round bc I am not losing in constructed.)

R11 Brenton Murahashi

Brenton is also RG and his deck seems quite good as well, but it is a different kind of good. He is like multiple warbriars blessings and lots of escape creatures and he is just a RG removal plus large creatures deck. 

The lack of aggression helps me in this match as I’m able to win the 2 games I do somewhat trivially.

G1 I just have a really strong start and have Calix going on an empty board for way too long, and feel like i am 100% to win from t6 until I actually win t18.

G2 I feel ahead but I just draw a lot of timely basic lands in a row and succumb to some medium beats after losing my good cards to warbriars blessings.

G3 I feel really ahead, but he has some serious suprise burst damage with Phoenix and I think wings as well; deja vu. 

CLINGGGGOAT does not care.

As a matter of fact he actually has dreamstalker manticore with me at 3 life. Draws from no hand and smiles a bit and says go. I have cling in my hand but am just holding onto it for dear life always leaving up 5 mana and 2 black. In my upkeep he fires off an omen of the forge. I give a wince and he targets me with the dreamstalker trigger.

Trigger resolves, I am at 2. Omen resolves, targetting me. 

one second.......

CLINGGGGGOAT!

I clean up over a couple turns always leaving up cling.

8-3

I am obviously feeling really good here as I know I am just 7 wins away from the trophy and I have 6 teferi’s 3 dig thru times 4 wraths 26 lands and ~20 opts.

I am immediately suprised to see I am paired vs Sebastian Pozzo. He was in Pod 1 and I thought he was 8-0 overnight, but I was mistaken and he was 7-1 then 1-2 the draft.

R12 Sebastian Pozzo on Sultai Delerium

Sebastian’s list looks pretty stock (Similar to Joel Larson’s) and one thing I have going for me is that he cares way more about world’s and probably spent a lot of time testing standard instead of pioneer.

G1 is a real banger as he t2 scavenging ooze and I just chill out and counter lots of things that matter like a grisly salvage and some planeswalkers. But meanwhile he is exiling all my dig food and I am stuck with a dig in my hand and my life total somewhat dwindling down around 10.

I wrestle control of the game but promptly get emrakuled. The unfortunate thing is I timed a T3feri poorly and left him able to bounce his Emrakul. I don’t think I made any obvious mistakes and I was aware of emrakul and my teferi, but I couldn’t help but think I may have fucked it off somewhere as he is taking my turn.

Luckily he can’t devastate me too bad. He does get to spew some of my cards then go for a dig thru time grabbing 2 lands (He almost had to give me a spell! first 6 we flipped were 1 land and 5 bangers). And he bounces his emrakul and says go to my own turn.

I draw a supreme verdict and am able to + teferi and verdict his emrakul away on the way back down.

He can’t really do much with my turn and I am sort of home free. His deck still has 2 URO a Ballista a tracker another JVP and maybe 1-2 other relevant cards.

Over the next few turns I am just blasting castle tokens into play 2 at a time then eventually 3 at a time. I finally find a t5eferi after he has cracked 7 clues and cast 100 uro. I counted his deck at some point and he had 23 cards to my 19; but he was worried (I believe incorrectly) too much about me ultimating my t5eferi and he was just maximizing every clue and URO with no regards for milling. I never came close to ultimating t5eferi bc he resolved a ballista for 4 or so with 12ish lands. But my 15ish castle tokens were doing just fine protecting my already high life total. 

We fight over ballista with my t5eferi and other cards but he was still drawing with uro and trackers, until he finally counts his library and its 9 cards to my 12.

My deck still has 2 verdicts another t5eferi and t3feri (I have both of those in play as well with some reasonable amounts of loyalty but not really threatening ultimate t5feri bc his ballista still around with 3-4 counters)

Upon recounting his deck he gives me a big sense of relief by conceding. He checked the clock and it was getting around 15 minutes, and he knew he would just be wasting time trying to fight thru triple castle and all these tokens with no real good cards left in his deck.

I was pretty sure this was the case, but the way he had been playing really made me think I was missing something. I kept racking my brain for how he was going to get another emrakul or something but the 1 he had was already exiled to lantern and yeah, turns out he was drawing dead.

Open decklists are great, but when u are against a deck with a bunch of 1 ofs like sultai delerium, while also not having played the matchup that much, that 1 minute of review really shrivels up as u sit there wondering why the hell this man is drawing cards with NO REGARDS FOR HUMAN LIFE!

In SBing i try to go quickly as I don’t want Sebastian to feel I got him by wasting time in any way, and also bc if I get beat by a quick TS + Tracker/dispute draw I can fight to win g3 in 10 min or whatever.

G2 is quite interesting as well but the turns are complicated and despite time ticking sebastian is still having to take some time to think. The climax is with only a couple of minutes left he assembles the 4th type with fabled passage thru a lantern and is able to traverse for emrakul threatening to cast it next turn thru a castle garenbrig if he has a land. But i have a cycler plus a teferi in play and with my cycler i find a dig thru time which finds an ashiok and a counterspell and I know it’s over.

I ashiok his graveyard and he concedes (I would likely not be able to kill him in time this game, but I was up 1-0 and he just saved us all some time and conceded)

9-3

No breaks... Next round is up.

R13 Zachary Kiihne Rimrock RED

Zach is great. I don’t actually know him well, but we battled a lot on the ladder of Arena on the Mythic Invy qualifier month. He ended up making it I believe, while I couldn’t close and finished 13th. We played lots of my WW vs his GW tokens where he was inherently favored, but the games were always complex and large board states and he always played quickly and seemed to know where the games were going.

Keeping up that pace at the PT, Zach just fires everything right off!

in G1 I keep a sketchy hand and he has the exact start to punish me. He just plays creature creature creature shock and I do find my 4th land in time but the problem is I don’t have a verdict, and when i draw on t4 it is not verdict and i die. If it was verdict I would also likely die bc I was so low anyway. WTF M8??

Luckily Dream Trawler does not care what happens in g1

in G2 and G3 I use some 2 mana interaction to survive to trawler and I kill him with them. He did have to mulligan and keep a really land heavy hand in one of the games and it hurt him.

There was an interesting spot in g2 where i had both t3feri and t5feri and he had chandra torch of defiance, exiled a card and it was lightning strike. He lightning striked my t5eferi down, then plays another card. A Judge was nearby and came and stopped our game and informed us you can in fact NOT play magic cards exiled with chandra thru T3feri. What a dumb fucking card!

The judge decides we can just back up to the point of exiling, so instead I take 2. Either way I was casting Dig thru time end of turn and going to win trivially but this way I got to keep my t5eferi in play! Thanks Judge and T3feri!!

And yeah again g3 was just him flooding and me playing trawler at a really high life total.

10-3

I finally get a bit of a break as Zach played lightning speed and we got things over with quick. I get some food and get myself amped up for these next few crucial matches.

R14 Connor Cole

Connor is a local Texan who I actually met playing at I believe SCG Dallas recently. He won a PTQ and ended up joining our local Houston guys Slack team and then went on to crush the first 13 rounds of the PT!!!

Unfortunately he ran into the Buzz Saw here; and I had to show him what the last few rounds of a PT are like.

But no jokes aside, Connor is gas and plays really well. He ended up finishing 12-4 and tiebreaker stung into 9th :( But he qued for the final and I expect big things from him in the future.

Our match was a feature, but we were the backup and they had some audio issues.

I actually just threw away the first game being overconfident in my deck. It’s funny when playing a deck like UW control my instincts are to just man up and trust the shit out of my deck. By that I mean I maximize my mana and effeciency even if I am not getting the most out of my cards, bc i trust with all these teferi’s and digs and cyclers I will be able to gain some advantage/find what i need later so long as I am surviving and hitting lands.

My mistake was maximizing mana and a dig thru time where I exiled my elspeth. At the time I was at 9 life and I had already cast a dig hitting some weak sauce, so I figured I would find my absorb or 2 counters and lock the game, but instead i found opt and charm and i fluttered around with my t5eferi as well and could not beat his running burn spells putting me to exactly 0.

If I would’ve just taken 2 seconds to realize I am in no real rush (he was on E or maybe had 1 card) I should’ve just realized I was almost 0% to lose if I just didn’t exile my own Elspeth.

Moral of the story is don’t trust your stupid deck when you already have everything you need!!!

G2 is an absolute nailbiter as I play elspeth and think I’m cruising to Trawler, but chainwhirler eats it promptly.

I then have my 2nd elspeth but 2nd chainwhirler dashes that as well.

I still slam trawler and think It’s mostly very safe, as connor just has chainwhirler kari zev and soul scar mage with me at 9.

But he slams Chandra and minuses on my trawler. I count it up and thank the lord somehow he only has 8 damage. So i give my trawler hexproof keeping a dig thru time, and he puts me to 1. I untap and attack chandra draw and dig before damage, and I have a lot of combo’s that will keep me alive easily. Any  interaction should be good enough and I leave myself 5 mana. I find a verdict and something else gassy so I just go up to 6 from trawler, verdict and then untap with elspeths ready to come back from the yard and I gain 5 and am out of range and clean up shortly after.

G3 is a bit less scary. He does put up a fight but I feel miles ahead at all points having 2 mana interaction and then also hittings lands and playing cards before trawlering on 6 while still quite healthy.

11-3

Now I’m really feeling hyped as I know I have a win and in and I’m just 4 wins from the Trophy!!!

I refocus and am very confident I will win the next round.

R15 Raja Sulaiman WB Gideon Midrange

I don’t know my opponent, but I do know he has a sweet deck. I am looking at the list trying to figure out if I’m extremely happy or a bit sad and can’t really tell. I lean towards happy but could totally see getting annihilated as well.

Luckily the match is mostly uneventful. I lose g1 to double TS Heart History Gideon...

But again, 

Dream Trawler does not care what happens in g1.

12-3

We did it! Back to back PT T8s!! 

Unfortunately the next 20min were very unpleasant instead of happy, but that’s ok. 

The pairings for R16 makeup for it!

I’m at table 1, paired against my teammate Allen Wu who has enough wins to T8 this PT and the next!

I know Allen does not care much for any bullshit, so I am actually a bit worried he is going to want to play me. 

Yes we are teammates, but Allen cares [almost] solely about maximizing his chances of winning the tournaments. I respect him a lot, and I also respect this approach. 

One of 3 things happened; 

-Allen valued his time too much to battle me here for extremely minimal gains.

-Allen thinks there is some chance losing would make him the 2 seed while drawing just locks the 1 seed (I think he was locked 1 seed even if he played me and lost); 

-Allen thinks I/my deck suck and he wants me in the T8

I’m leaning towards some combination of all 3, but who cares he offered to draw and I ACCCCCCEPT!

The final standings shake out with Allen 1 Jacob 2 Me 3. I am playing the 6, Huey, and my teammate Tommy is 7 battling Jacob on my side of the bracket.

My other teammate Corey is battling PETERRR in the 4/5 match.

Our team has 4 people in the T8!!! I know we are like 7% of the tournament, but thats 50%!

Also shoutout to Mark who I believe lost a win and in R15 or so.

Our squad obviously had a really strong showing, with 4 in the T8 and Corey winning it all. But we also just had really solid winrates in limited and constructed despite playing lots of different decks.

This is getting obscenely long. 

This night was actually really annoying bc I spent it telling the same story over and over;

And also on twitter watching lots of people I’ve never met talk about how much of an asshole I am, or how much I cheat, or how bad I am, or whatever is getting the most likes.

I mostly shook it off. I got to tell the story to all the people I care about, and have dinner with a large portion of my team. I had already played my QF matchup post board a bit with Allen before the tournament, so I knew my plans.

Unfortunately it didn’t help me in the games.

I get to bed at a reasonable time and have to be at the site for like 9:15. I’m there before 9 and when I ask if I can go to starbucks I am told yes of course go ahead, but please stay around. And then immediately someone else tells me I won’t be playing until around 11 probably :0

I get starbucks and get back to battle Jacob some in his QF matchup. Mostly to just warmup and help him out, but also to get a feel for he and Tommy’s decks incase I beat Huey. 

We only get a few games in before finding out my match is actually 3rd not 4th, and these BO3 are going quick and I’m about to be up.

While the other match is finishing, we present and draw our hands and get ready to start right when the other match finishes.

I am greeted with 2 censor Opt Farmland Hallowed Fountain Glacial Fortress Supreme Verdict. Not quite the nuts, but a solid A. I’m on the play and Huey mulligans to 5.

We finally start our game and this one hurt. I opt t1 and hit a teferi and keep it, then immediately draw my 4th land so i say go with censor up ready to cycle farmland, huey goes for sylvan scrying before playing land after t1 grazer got him to 2, and i censor it and he says go missing a land drop with 3 cards in his hand.

From here I play teferi to get the jayemdae tomb one every 4 turns going; Huey draws a thespians stage but can’t muster anything else, so he now has 2 UG lands a stage and 3 cards vs my censor cycle land another land and teferi.

Over the next 3-4 turns I draw 2 cards with teferi cycle this farmland and another, opt and charm, and the only playable card I find is a mystical dispute. I draw seal away and all 4 of my verdicts lol.

Huey goes for Granted with 3 mana up, and i have no choice but to dispute and hope to censor after he pays 2 for 1ing myself. I can’t be granted for distortion without a t5eferi in play or any pressure at all.

He responds by cycling vizier to make a mana, and pays for dispute with 1 mana still up. This now means I have to cycle censor looking for a hard counter but i brick. He gets distortion.

The game weirdly goes on for like 8 more turns. He just keeps making more fields with stages but I amass narset elspeth t3feri t5feri. He finally has to go for it despite not having a way to kill me, so he goes for distortion into string strings last card granted for ugin to wipe my planeswalkers; but I’m able to make a 1/1 and chip ugin down to 2. Unfortunately I draw a land, he +s on my token and i make another then draw another land. ANd now I am dead to the fae coming into play, back to hand, finding Jace and having double walker going. I just got beat at my own game!!! He didn’t even breach me!

But yeah, I am feeling a bit frustrated to lose the game despite knowing how bad G1 is. 

When he mulled to 5 and got his scrying censored I believe I was a massive favorite, probably somewhere in the 70s or 80s at least and I just drew only the dead cards.

But now we board in 9-10 cards and regroup!

G2 was really great, and I made like 1 mistake a turn. 

I asked a lot of really good players what they would do on all these turns and almost all of them would make the same mistakes I did. 

Except for Allen; 

and Drunk Tom Ross!

Tom let me know how bad I fucked up, and I really appreciate that. 

Tom said many different things like “awww u really fucked up. U fucked it up bad. Damn u fucked it up”

The games are obviously on camera, but in G2 Huey goes for field + copy it with stage, I field of ruin the stage. 

So his board is forest untapped Lotus Field tapped with 4 cards in hand.

I have T5feri my 4th and 5th land, 2 mystical disputes and absorb.

I untap and draw Elspeth.

The question is should I play it?

Huey has 4 disenchants, 2 disputes, 1 ugin, 1 jace, 1 thought distortion and maybe 1 more card he could bring in.

For the most part his plan is still the same, build up his mana and try to find a window to either thought distortion me, or strings my lands/his lands to make sure he resolves his key card(s).

But I just felt with the 2 disputes and t5eferi I was going to be able to apply meaningful pressure fast enough to not risk tapping out here.

In my head he could just granted for distortion then sort of ignore elspeth for a few turns and fire a distortion then kill me, but that is so unrealistic. First he has to not board the distortion in (I was thinking he like 80% brings it in. Allen brought his in and we felt like that was just correct so I assumed Huey likely would) and then he also has to somehow have perfect mana to get to 6 and then distort me and kill me before dying to this SIX MACHINE elspeth? Its stupid and I shouldve just probably played elspeth.

Not doing so was playing scared/too safe. But it really isn’t that bad or that big of a deal. If huey has a natural 2nd stage into strings I can easily just be dead. But it’s really low % and this is a tough matchup of magic the gathering vs a great player where you can’t just tiptoe around making suboptimal plays bc it makes you feel safe.

Lots of people hesitated and said don’t play it. Tom would have blown like a .40 BAC minimum when I asked him, and he immediately said to play Elspeth.

Anyway Huey untaps and just plays a temple scryland and keeps the card on top, and says go.

So now he has forest lotus field untapped and 4 cards with a banger on top.

My turn.

I draw damping sphere!

I have t5eferi damping sphere elspeth 2 dispute absorb and my 5th land.

Now a a few things go thru my mind here. Huey has 2 disputes but the way he’s played this game make me feel like it’s somewhat unlikely he has one. 

However, if I go for t5feri and he does dispute it’s really ugly. I can go for elspeth with dispute up but that feels too weak.

My options I am actually considering are just jam sphere and counter a disenchant, or jam teferi and have double dispute up if he doesn’t have dispute.

I think it’s somewhat close, but in hindsight it’s actually just an easy T5feri. 

Unfortunately I go for damping sphere which is where Tom says nooooooo u fucked up bad, u really fucked it up.

And Huey immediately floats 3 GREEN? I say ok and he natural states my damping sphere.

Now this is a bit weird to me. I mean he floated 3 green immediately; but he has a forest up. And he has 2 disputes in his deck...

So now I am paranoid that he hasnt a 2nd disenchant. 

But it’s Huey, and it’s a PT T8. I start thinking maybe he is leveling me and trying to get me not to counter it bc he has no dispute and no 2nd disenchant.

Ultimately my plan when playing it was to just fire off a counterspell on disenchant bc if he does have a dispute or 2nd one he will only have 2 cards, and i can just untap t5feri with counterspell. But if he doesn’t successfully kill sphere I am just going to win easily.

So I absorb.

Huey bins the natural state and before he can cast his other one a judge intervenes.

There is a damping sphere in play when i absorb; so obviously I can’t do this bc it should cost 4. I just totally forgot that part of the card even existed. I haven’t cast it in the entire tournament, and in my mind it was just strip mine lotus fields to wastes. 

Even with the speed of everything and huey snap disenchanting I could have seen myself forgetting to count the sphere tax to itself, but I literally just forgot it even had that text for a second there.

Huey also forgot it. The judges stopped us and then asked me what I was thinking, so I just repeated a lot of what I just typed; all the shit I was thinking about him floating green instead of blue etc. then they came back and gave us warnings and said to carry on. Huey apologizes after the game bc he said he totally forgot himself but it looks bad bc he wanted me to absorb bc he had another disenchant.

Anyway, we backup and I have a dead damping sphere and 3 mana up with absorb Huey now knows about. I also have the 2 disputes.

Huey untaps and immediately taps field and forest and plays hidden strings. THen he looks at me lol. I say are you targetting your lands?? He says yes

So yeah, now I am looking at this absorb he knows about. He only has like what 3 cards behind this strings. It’s going to put him to 7 mana. What can he even do? There is no way he’s killing me thru 2 dispute. If he has breach natural i let it resolve, then i dispute strings. If he pays he has 0 mana left and i dispute again untap teferi + and have absorb gg yo

If he has the natural distortion then obviously I need to counter this. But he has ONE and i just showed him absorb. I am thinking to myself, dont be a fool! his hand is probably granteds and pore over the pages and hes trying to bait u into countering this stupid strings!

So I let it resolve, and I get distorted.

This was not a good play!

I could have just disputed the strings. This virtually counters it bc he only had 1 field. So while he couldve paid for dispute, it wouldve tapped him out, and strings resolves untapping only 4 mana. So from there i still have another dispute and he can’t reasonably do anything.

Instead I am empty handed and in dire straights. I do peel t5eferi immediately but i hit land off of it and draw only lands next turn as well, meanwhile huey sets up to kill me over 2 turns and does so.

what a tilting match :(

It really hurts to make such critical mistakes in these high stakes matches, but Magic is really hard and I forgive myself pretty quickly.

I had good reasons for making the plays that I did, but they were just a bit faulty; 

WRONG!

I feel like if I had more time to think things through, or if there were less pressure of the stakes I maybe would have just slammed T5eferi and even Elspeth t4. But i definitely don’t have a good excuse for not disputing strings. Just Huey being Huey and somehow levelling me into punting it all off after i showed him my absorb.

But yeah GG’s YO I ended up 6th for 10k bc Allen lost too :( and 18 points.

I have a really good shot at Rivals now so I am pumped for the PT final and next RPT!

Shoutout again to Corey for winning and all of team 5% for crushing and being gas.

Also shoutout to all the grinders out there still on the outside looking in. 

I see you!

Hopefully I’ll have more reports soon...

PT Finals Victory Report, RPT2 Victory Report...

Let’s get it!!!

[biofunmy]

U.S. Storms Past Sweden, Posting Third Straight World Cup Shutout

LE HAVRE, France — How nice it must feel to go through 10 days at a major tournament without experiencing a single moment of anxiety.

What a luxury it is to be able to treat the group stage of a World Cup as a week-and-a-half long warm-up exercise.

That has been the reality for the United States women’s soccer team, which pummeled its first two opponents in this round, Thailand and Chile, by a combined score of 16-0. The Americans’ final group game Thursday against Sweden, some thought, would be the moment when the tournament really began for the United States.

But then it really didn’t. Sweden didn’t seem up for a challenge. It didn’t need to be. Both teams already had qualified for the knockout stage. And so the United States cruised to a 2-0 win in the Stade Océane and left wondering when the first real speed bump might come.

“When you come out of the group stage, a lot of what we talk about it mentality and being healthy,” Coach Jill Ellis said about her players, “and I think they’re in a really good place.”

For the Americans and their fans, this has been a blissful month, free from despair and tension. For the first time, the United States did not allow a single goal during the group stage. It also set a new World Cup record for group stage goals, with 18.

But for neutral observers, so far, the United States perhaps has been almost too good to be interesting. Potential narratives, bits of drama, have been tossed their way — about the team, around Thursday’s game — but none seemed to stick.

Would Ellis order her players to back off in the game to avoid a potential meeting with France in the quarterfinals? She has been asked that question almost every time she was made available to speak with reporters from the moment she stepped on French soil.

Or another one: Did the American women have demons to exorcise? Sweden, after all, had eliminated the United States from the 2016 Olympics in the quarterfinal round, the earliest exit ever for the American women at a major tournament.

But the plot lines fell flat, in part because the Swedes did not play along. Coach Peter Gerhardsson made seven changes to his starting lineup and gave four players their World Cup debuts. Afterward, he implied that he was resting players to prepare for the round of 16.

“We know that we have another match on Monday, a knockout match, and that’s the match that’s the most important one,” Gerhardsson said. “When we looked at the plan for the match and how to go about it, we didn’t think in advance that it was important to end up first or second in the group.”

After the game, a French journalist asked Ellis if she would have preferred having played a tough game during the group stage.

“I think you’re not giving enough credit to the opponent we played today,” she said.

But the truth was that the Americans dominated. They had 58 percent of possession and repeatedly snatched the ball off the feet of the Swedes. And whatever suspense there could have been was snapped like a twig before all the fans had found their seats.

In the third minute, Megan Rapinoe skipped a corner kick from the left side toward the near post, where Sam Mewis came toward the ball before letting it run through her legs. Lindsey Horan was making a zigzagging run through the penalty area, and by the time the ball bounced into a small opening in front of the goal, Horan had shed her defender and was free to tap it in.

The Americans’ second goal came in the 50th minute, when Sweden’s defense failed to clear a cross from the left side, letting the ball fall to the feet of Tobin Heath, who measured out a tiny opening of space and drilled a shot through it. The ball deflected off defender Jonna Andersson’s left foot, launched into the air like a skier off a ramp, and looped into the net. The goal, initially credited to Heath, was later changed to an own goal.

The next team that will try its best to make the United States sweat will be Spain. The teams will meet Monday in Reims for a round-of-16 match that Rapinoe said would present an unusual sort of challenge.

“Spain plays a different style than a lot of women’s teams play,” Rapinoe said, “They’re obviously very good in possession, with more of that tiki-taka style. If you don’t play against that a lot, it’s difficult.”

For a moment on Thursday, it felt as if injuries might provide some intrigue. Midfielder Julie Ertz sat out the match as she nursed a hip contusion. And Alex Morgan, the team’s starting center forward, was pulled off the field at halftime after taking an awkward spill around the 30th minute that left her limping.

But both players were all smiles after the game. Ertz said the decision to keep her out was just a precaution. Morgan declined to stop to speak to reporters, but she called out, “I’m O.K., thank you,” as she hustled into the locker room.

There was no reason to worry, after all.

At the final whistle, the players hugged. The fans stood and waved their flags. But from an emotional standpoint, it all felt a bit tame.

There had been no real tension. So of course there was no real release.

Andrew Das tracked the game live. Read on for a recap of how the United States defeated Sweden.

90’

Lloyd misses a chance to seal it!

That would have been the cherry on top: Lloyd slipping behind the Swedish defense for a free shot at Lindahl, but she hits it straight at the goalkeeper, who parries.

The chance is cleared but with the seven minutes of added time we just got, it’s surely not the last one we’ll see.

81’

What’s next for the U.S. and Sweden if this score holds?

A win or a tie gives the United States first place in Group F and a date with Spain in Reims on Monday (noon Eastern) in the round of 16. That will please the tourism office in Reims, which Andrew Keh noted today already has enjoyed a United States fan invasion once in this World Cup. The news may be less good for Spain, for obvious reasons.

The game looming beyond that is the one that everyone is talking about, however. It’s the one that everyone has talked about since the draw in December, actually: United States vs. France, the host nation, in the quarterfinals. It’s a game worthy of a final, and someone will be very unhappy to lose it. But a draw’s a draw.

As the group runner-up in this scenario, Sweden would get the second-place finisher in Group E, likely Canada or the Netherlands. It’s not an easy matchup by any means, but it’s probably a more favorable than running into France.

(Reminder: Sweden can flip that entire script with a win tonight, in which case it will play Spain — and then maybe France. A tie won’t do it, because of the Americans’ vastly superior goal difference in the group stage.)

73’

Brief delay for a head injury; Bjorn is down.

Sweden with a well-worked switch ends up with a cross, which O’Hara clears. But only after clanging heads with Bjorn in the center. She’s down, but soon rises and walks off.

Sadly, her treatment there appears to be the old, “You O.K.?” concussion test we all know well, and she sprints back on.

63’

Christen Press coming on for Rose Lavelle.

Press, so good against Chile, replaces Lavelle, who was surprisingly sturdy and effective running the attack tonight.

Seger goes off for Sweden at the same time; that’s both captains now gone from this game.

Press, by the way, immediately took up a position ahead of Rapinoe, Lloyd and Heath. She might get that first goal she’s been seeking. Though it’s hard not to think that the United States doesn’t regret adding a second through all of its pressure.

A single mistake and the good feelings will fade.

60’

Naeher quietly stares down another test.

The game has been moving away from her, but it’s worth noting that Alyssa Naeher has faced a couple of tough spots — three or four — and has handled each one. That’s good news for Ellis headed into the knockouts, since Naeher didn’t have much to do in the United States’ first two games.

51’

That’s gone down as an own goal, actually.

Andersson, who deflected it, is credited with an own goal, but make no mistake: that’s only a goal because of Heath.

50’

GOALLL! Heath doubles the U.S. leads with a rocket!

That came out of nowhere. An attack crumbles but the clearance was cycled to Rapinoe on the left. She drove a cross to Lloyd, who appeared offside, and it was cleared on to Heath at the back post.

She froze Andersson there, then with one quick motion pushed the ball right and roofed it — with the help of a deflection — over Lindahl.

(There’s a delay for video review, surely to check Lloyd’s contribution to the play, but the goal stands.)

46’

Well that’s interesting: Lloyd on, Morgan off.

Unclear if Morgan picked up an injury — she did get kicked one — but Lloyd takes her place to start the second half. Kind of a nice card to play if you’re Jill Ellis: Lloyd is a former world player of the year, and she has three goals in this tournament through two games.

No subs for Sweden.

Halftime

United States 1, Sweden 0

Sweden forced Naeher into a diving punch with a cross in added time, but it feels like 1-0 isn’t an accurate reflection of how well the United States controlled that half. They set the pace. They had the best chances, the best crosses. When they lost the ball, they just took it right back.

About the only thing that didn’t go better was the score. Sweden will be pleased to get a chance to regroup, and the get 15 minutes away from that ball-hawking pressure. But there will probably be more. And remember: Jill Ellis has fresh legs (Christen Press, Carli Lloyd< Mallory Pugh) straining to get into this one.

38’

Sweden has six substitutes warming up. Changes coming at halftime?

Jakobsson and Asllani just had a nice exchange to get around the corner on the right wing, but Sweden — despite a couple of shots — has not been able to get out from under the unrelenting U.S. pressure.

Is Coach Peter Gerhardsson thinking about a switch at halftime? Who knows? But Jakobsson just stripped Dunn and rocketed a shot over the crossbar, so maybe Sweden’s players sense they better get something going.

25’

Ball after ball scorched into the center.

The purpose that has made the United States the standout team of the group stage is on full display. Every ball is hit with intent, with power, with pace. Heath. Lavelle. Rapinoe. Mewis. All of them. They just look … dangerous. But the other thing about that kind of willful mentality — which has not been on display as completely even among the best teams here in France — is that players off the ball expect it.

Every ball is dangerous because there’s always someone running near post, or back post, or down the center channel, to meet it if it arrives.

20’

Can the U.S. maintain this pace?

Yes, they’re winning every ball. Yes, they controlling it from sideline to sideline. But 90 minutes is a long time, and as the pace slows a bit here midway through the half, one can sense the Americans know going pedal to the pedal might have it own risks.

As if on cue, Sweden presses through Asllani, who fires a shot at Naeher from the right. She smothers that one just like the earlier one.

13’

Hey look: Sweden is playing too!

Stina Blackstenius, the until-now-lonely center forward, takes Sweden’s first shot. But it’s from nearly 30 yards and, while hit with power, Naeher sees it all the way and smothers it.

Oddly, that might have been her first tough save of the tournament.

7’

No letup. The United States is all over Sweden.

Dunn fires a shot from the edge of the area after Ertz and Lavelle both win the ball in midfield as Sweden somehow, some way tries to get control of the game. Ellis clearly sent her team out breathing fire, and it’s showing.

The U.S. also is racing forward whenever it can and stretching Sweden to its limit by switching the ball. They’re trying to pull open the middle for Morgan. Might just be a matter of time.

3’

GOAL!!!! Wow. A stunning start and a goal for Horan.

The U.S. won its first corner off some early pressure, and it looked as if Rapinoe had wasted it with a bouncing ball to the near post. But Sam Mewis reached for it and no one touched it until Lindsey Horan stabbed it in from 2 yards.

Atrocious defending for the Swedes — several players and Lindahl just let the ball careen through the goal mouth — and a great start for the U.S. The goal was almost a carbon copy of Horan’s first of the tournament, against Thailand.

1’

U.S. on the front foot early

Lavelle and Morgan took the opening kickoff and just started dribbling upfield. That’s quite the message: here we come. We dare you to stop us.

Even when the U.S. lost the ball, their pressure was apparent. They want it.

The starting lineups: Back to the regulars (except one)

Jill Ellis used Sunday’s game against Chile to make sure that every field player she brought to France could go home and say, “I got to play.” But Sweden, and the knockout games that will come next, require her A team. So that’s what she has run out there, with one exception:

Julie Ertz is out with a hip problem that U.S. Soccer says isn’t serious — “We had to chain her to the bench to keep her out of this,” one official said — but it is serious enough that it’s causing her to miss an important World Cup game.

So our official analysis is: ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Her role will be filled by Sam Mewis, who scored twice in the American’s opening game. Expect her to be the more defensively focused member of the U.S. midfield, allowing Lindsey Horan and Rose Lavelle to maraud. (UPDATE: Horan has dropped at times to allow Mewis and Lavelle to push forward.)

The lineups:

United States lineup: Alyssa Naeher; Crystal Dunn, Becky Sauerbrunn, Abby Dahlkemper, Kelley O’Hara; Samantha Mewis, Lindsey Horan, Rose Lavelle; Megan Rapinoe, Alex Morgan (captain), Tobin Heath.

Sweden lineup: Hedvig Lindahl; Nathalie Bjorn, Amanda Ilestedt, Linda Sembrant, Jonna Andersson; Julia Zigiotti, Caroline Seger (captain), Kosovare Asllani; Sofia Jakobsson, Stina Blackstenius, Olivia Schough.

Our referee tonight is Russian: Anastasia Pustovoytova.

Sahred From Source link Sports

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NFL Free Company recap: Groups ought to aggressively attempt to steal Brees from Saints

The pervading concrete concept of Drew Brees merely taking much less cash and returning to New Orleans, an concept perpetuated by each the Saints and the quarterback himself within the media, continues to crack slightly bit extra as every hour of free company open season wears on. Deadlines spur motion, however the Saints lack of motion right here is odd: except they work out a deal, or some type of bridge deal, with Brees between now and four p.m. ET on March 14, New Orleans will likely be caught with a lifeless cap hit of $18 million no matter the place the quarterback indicators subsequent 12 months.

Sure, even when Brees returns to New Orleans on a brand new deal that’s negotiated after the beginning of the league 12 months, New Orleans would nonetheless be on the hook for that mammoth cap hit. And if Brees goes elsewhere, properly, it could be devastating to a workforce with official Tremendous Bowl aspirations.

Which is strictly why NFC contenders — or any groups within the NFL who want a quarterback — needs to be attempting to throw piles of cash at Brees proper now.

The Vikings and Cardinals stand out, due to their want on the place and their direct competitors with the Saints. This is not nearly signing Brees: it is about taking the leverage the Saints already maximized in opposition to New Orleans by circumstance and placing them in a tough spot because it pertains to their cap and quarterback.

There is no draw back right here. Actually the worst-case situation could be signing Brees. Each the Cardinals and Vikings would love that, even when it meant busting up their cap a bit; Brees would pry open an enormous two- or three-year window to win a Tremendous Bowl on a workforce with expertise on the talent positions and above-average defenses.

Not touchdown Brees has loads of upside as properly. It might give Brees leverage in negotiations in opposition to the Saints, forcing them to make a transfer rapidly. Not solely may they face the difficulty of getting Brees on the roster with the lifeless cap area, they may face the danger of shedding him and having to cope with the cap hit. That might be a brutal blow for a workforce with Tremendous Bowl aspirations of its personal. 

Throw the Broncos and, to a sure extent, the Jets right here too if you would like. Brees is 39 years previous, however he needs to be extra coveted as a pure free agent than he actually is. Tom Condon’s been prepared to maximise his shoppers’ worth of the years and Brees needs to be no completely different now.

The one subject that is plain as day for attempting to lure Brees away from the Bayou: consolation. At his age, along with his standing within the metropolis of New Orleans, along with his youngsters and spouse locked into the familiarity of their environment, it could be bizarre to choose up and transfer. He would have a brand new coach, and a brand new facility and a brand new system, all when he is inside putting distance of retirement. 

It is exactly why the Saints aren’t merely handing him $30 million a 12 months. However they higher watch out, as a result of it is a harmful recreation of rooster they’re taking part in in opposition to a very powerful participant on the roster, who occurs to be represented by an agent with a historical past of maximizing his shoppers’ worth on the open market. 

The Payments are getting ready to strike

Credit score the management in Buffalo for not promoting the stroke of luck that was 2017 as a rule relatively than an exception.

As a result of the Payments, regardless of making the playoffs for the primary time in additional than a decade and giving a football-starved metropolis each excuse potential to gasoline up on Fireball and leap by means of flaming tables, are blowing issues up in pursuit of the NFL’s Holy Grail: a franchise quarterback.

The transfer Friday to ship Tyrod Taylor to the Browns for a stunning haul, the 65th decide within the draft set Buffalo up properly when it comes to picks within the first three rounds.

However Monday’s swap of first-round picks with the Bengals, which included Buffalo delivery deal with Cordy Glenn to Cincinnati, leaves the Payments able to pounce.

Brandon Beane and Sean McDermott now personal 5 picks within the first 65 total choices, which whole a whopping 2,955 factors on the previous commerce worth chart.

As soon as Cordy Glenn/Tyrod Taylor trades undergo, Payments will personal the next picks:

No. 12 (1st, by way of CIN) No. 22 (1st, by way of KC) No. 53 (2nd) No. 56 (2nd by way of LAR) No. 65 (third, by way of CLE)

2,955 factors on commerce worth chart. Greater than sufficient ammunition to get into the highest 5.

— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) March 12, 2018

That is 45 factors shy of the worth for the primary total choice, which implies the Payments ought to have zero issue discovering a prepared commerce companion within the high 5 or 10 of the 2018 NFL Draft.

One which stands out instantly is Indianapolis, a franchise with a number of holes in its roster and the No. Three total decide. The Colts would possible be high-quality sitting the place they’re and taking both Bradley Chubb or Saquon Barkley. These are game-changing gamers. However the Colts have greater than only a want, and the Payments have a pile of picks to make a swap work.

The mathematics right here works properly:

No. Three total (2,200 factors) for No. 12 total, No. 22 total, No. 65 total (2,245 factors)

Indy may doubtlessly drag extra out of the Payments relying on what the Browns and Giants do at No. 1 and No. 2. Or possibly it is a easy “hey, we’re not happening to 12 and lacking out on a blue-chipper except you give us a second-round decide too” dialog. Regardless, the Payments and Colts make sense as logical commerce companions and the belongings match up properly. 

Buffalo’s chess recreation feels quite a bit like that of Howie Roseman’s in 2015 when the Eagles acquired Carson Wentz. Philly dealt Byron Maxwell and Kiko Alonso to the Dolphins and swapped first spherical picks, transferring up from No. 13 to No. eight.

Fashionable analytics say the distinction in worth for picks should not be as excessive as the normal Jimmy Johnson Commerce Chart, however the actuality of the draft day economic system hasn’t mirrored that shift. If you wish to make a official play for the highest 5 with out giving up a future first spherical decide, you’ll want to be within the center spherical vary. The Payments are there they usually now, after patiently stockpiling picks for the final two years, have greater than sufficient ammunition to bridge the hole.

Is the Kirk Cousins market softer than we expect?

The previous Redskins quarterback goes to receives a commission in free company, and he will be paid handsomely. Nevertheless it’s potential the bidding struggle for Cousins companies are much less heated than we’d have all initially imagined.

Chatter a couple of monster provide the Cardinals are getting ready continues to be on the market, and it is arduous to consider John Elway is simply going to sit down again and never be a participant within the franchise quarterback sweepstakes. However there is a very actual perception, as CBS Sports activities NFL Insider Jason La Canfora has reported for some time now, that the Vikings and Jets are the one true suitors for Cousins companies. 

Begin with Cousins himself doubtlessly revealing that data. The quarterback thanked the Redskins and the town of Washington on his web site Monday and in doing so, could have inadvertantly hinted about the place he was leaning by together with the tags “Vikings” and “Jets” on the put up. Whoops. 

Mike Florio of Professional Soccer Speak reviews he is listening to one thing related, that Minnesota and New York are the one “critical” suitors. Mike Freeman of Bleacher/Report is listening to related issues, reporting extra chatter about solely having two groups concerned within the talks.

Groups I converse to consider Kirk Cousins has very weak hand. Solely two or three groups severely thus far.

— mike freeman (@mikefreemanNFL) March 12, 2018

Perhaps Arizona’s hypothetical provide, and Denver’s hypothetical curiosity, are simply that. Elway and Playing cards GM Steve Keim are veterans of negotiations and never the kind of GMs to easily sit there and get performed. In the event that they consider there isn’t any actual curiosity from Cousins in coming to their respective places, they’re going to rapidly transfer on. The very last thing both Arizona or Denver can do that offseason is play patsy so Cousins can drum up a pair additional million from the the Jets or Vikings. The quarterback scenario in these two spots is just too urgent. 

Meet the brand new Packers

The brand new boss doesn’t look like the identical because the previous boss, as a result of if the rumors from Monday are any indication, new Packers GM Brian Gutekunst was not joking about being extra aggressive than Ted Thompson in free company. The Packers below Thompson have been detest to spend large in free company, solely hardly ever venturing into the costly waters (Charles Woodson being essentially the most notable transfer). Proper or unsuitable, it drove Packers followers loopy. 

Those self same, ahem, house owners needs to be thrilled with the early chatter, as a result of the Packers have been related with tight finish Jimmy Graham and wideouts Sammy Watkins and Allen Robinson on Monday alone. 

The Graham factor is especially attention-grabbing due to how sharp Aaron Rodgers has regarded when he has a top-end tight finish on his depth chart. It has been some time, and Martellus Bennett was alleged to be that man final 12 months, but it surely backfired badly. Graham is older and is not the identical man who dominated in New Orleans throughout his prime, however he was a official red-zone risk for Seattle and Russell Wilson final 12 months. 

Rodgers might be fascinated by teaming up as properly. 

Robinson and Watkins would make a ton of sense for Inexperienced Bay, though it is possible an both/or proposition. As Joel Corry identified on the Decide Six Podcast final week, each guys may find yourself taking quick offers this offseason, betting on themselves on the age of 24 and hoping to finish up again in free company subsequent offseason with a extra sturdy resume. 

There may not be a greater spot than taking part in with Rodgers for enhancing your statistics. Robinson had a 1,400-yard season and led the league in touchdowns on the age of 22 taking part in with Blake Bortles. If he is wholesome subsequent 12 months as Rodgers high goal, the sky is the restrict. 

What does all of this imply for the incumbent receivers in Inexperienced Bay? Jordy Nelson might be a straightforward goal for some type of restructure; chopping Rodgers long-time good friend and most reliable goal would not really feel like a transfer a brand new GM is making. Randall Cobb discovering himself on the surface wanting in would hardly be stunning.

Regardless, good on Gutekunst if he will get aggressive in getting Rodgers weapons. The Packers may need essentially the most athletic and most gifted quarterback in NFL historical past. Surrounding him with weapons simply makes an excessive amount of sense. It is OK in the event that they weren’t drafted by the franchise. 

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