#i have everything completed except pin mastery look at me go

[nihiltism]

I fully believe that sometimes you need to have a mindset of nothing but "MY CITY NOW" when you make fan content. make crossover aus between two fandoms where you know nobody else in the world is interested in both. it's good for your health.

[ojpovkjopsk]

I’ve been all eyes watching for you

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[bellamioneandotherscribbles]

Bellamione; Corpse Bride AU 

We are weaned from our timidity In the flush of love’s light We dare be brave And suddenly we see That love costs all we are And will ever be Yet it is only love Which sets us free.

~Maya Angelou

Once upon a time,

There was a young girl, so bright both in intelligence and kindness, that she illuminated every room that she entered. Casting it in shining beams of golden light. But underneath the surface of charm and delight was someone who had suffered through loss and grief their entire life. Every day, the enchanting witch struggled to grapple with why she was even bothering to get out of bed that morning. When she had so few left whom she could trust. Confide in. Those left, who she feigned the best of interest were only her friends when she was useful, helpful, kind. But outside of their adventures, they were embarrassed to be seen with her. Sitting at the end of the breakfast table. When she did try to speak, she was often talked over by someone more outspoken. She knew that if she were to disappear that nobody would notice.

Nobody except maybe her professors. Who constantly would shower her with praise and approval at her unbelievable gifts. Her insights and incredible work-ethic. The way that she applied herself to her studies, and took to each subject with the goal of having total mastery. She was a prodigy. And it was what she lived for every day, to learn and to use what she studied to benefit her fellow witches and wizards. To hopefully someday, save their lives.

But again, that little voice in the back of her mind would snide. What was the point? It wasn’t like it really mattered in the end. She did not matter.

Summer vacations were the most difficult time of year, as the busy shuffle, non-stop animation of school life was brought to a stagnating halt. Silence. The lively sounds to nothing but her distant relatives stepping on the creaky hardwood floor below her.  

She indulged in her studies as much as possible but there was only so much she could fill her mind with before her concentration would waver. And she was left to be maddened by the slow tick tock of the clock. Minutes felt like hours. And days felt like years. There was no escape.

One afternoon, she relinquished herself from the home that had become her prison. Going by train to a cemetery that was overcast with dark skies. But she found the shadows that loomed over her to be actually good company. As opposed to a threatening presence in the back of her aching heart.

After spending a good hour, crying albeit softly in front of her parent’s memorial. She began to walk the grounds. A humid summer. Dark clouds created a most pleasant mist all around. A fog almost. Across a clearing, away from the cemetery there was a rotting chain link fence where from behind wild, feral dogs barked madly. Their growls, barks carried through the field of dead. Sounding like a melody to Hermione’s ears.

Walking upward to a tall hill that overlooked the entire cemetery. There at the center was a large black olive that had arms which outstretched into the clouds. Weary from her hour long commute there and then hours of walking, she sat and resting at the foot of the tree. Breathing in the air of death and nature with a sigh of relief. The grass heavy with the smell of cold rain. 

When she saw out of the corner of her eye, an outline of a figure. Causing her to jump back. Before standing on shaking legs again to investigate. Circling the tree until the skinny shadow of a person came into full view. They weren’t dead, for the gentle rise and fall of their chest. But their blue skin and their ribcage protruding through their chest showed that they weren’t alive either.

Her petal pink lips parted at the sight of them. Despite having no life, no pull to this earth, she felt the strongest gravitation toward this woman. With their long tresses of ebony curls, eyelashes that fluttered against her sharp cheekbones. She wore a white satin gown that had long since gone tattered and gray. The once voluminous skirts beginning to tear from it’s seams. A veil worn in her hair that had grown cobwebs pinned by wilted, black roses.

As if sensing her presence, the woman lifted her head and opened her eyes that were opaque. Her endless black orbs staring into their golden-speckled brown ones for a small eternity.

“Who are you?” The goddess of the non-living finally asked. The bride to Hades. Persephone.

“My name is Hermione, and you?”

“Bellatrix, Bellatrix Black.” They said with an aristocratic tilt of their head, before extending their skeletal hand out to shake their warm one.

“A pleasure” Hermione said with a genuine smile. “Mind if I sit beside you?” She asked.

Bellatrix shrugged. “I don’t see why not. But surely you don’t want to spend all day in a creepy place like this?”

“You would be surprised.”

They fell into a companionable silence until Hermione finally asked. “So… why are you here? Instead of you know…”

“In Hell?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m waiting for my groom to show up.”

“I’m sorry?” Hermione asked, taken aback. For some reason feeling a pang of disappointment.

“I’ve been waiting for my beloved, to-be husband for over seventy years. I stayed waiting at the church hill over there. Rain, snow. He told me to wait. Promised me that he would show up. Not to stray elsewhere, that he would be there.”

If Hermione didn’t know better, she’d think those were tears accenting her voice. Maybe she was crying. Maybe she couldn’t because she was dead. Hermione didn’t know. But she still reached to affectionately hold their hand, although she didn’t reject the touch, Bellatrix scoffed.

“I’m not looking for pity. He’ll show up, he said that he would.”

Hermione didn’t say anything to that, just continued to hold their hand until the sun was beginning to set over the horizon. As the young witch got up to leave, she saw the woman’s lifeless eyes take an even more haunted look. Accentuated by the darkening surroundings.

“I’ll come back.”

“Okay.”

Hermione could have sworn she saw them smile. But it might have just been a trick of the moonlight.

--------

The young witch continued to visit the forgotten bride nearly every day of Summer. Forgoing eating, studying, every aspect of living apart from sleep and continuing to love this woman. They talked about anything and everything, they read books together. And shared dark secrets that would never leave from under the black olive tree where they were shared.

Still Hermione longed for the day that Bellatrix would finally recognize her undying love for them. How she’d been completely enamored with her, body and soul since the day she laid eyes on them. That she would follow her into hell if she asked. She would burn a thousand times, just to have this ethereal goddess by her side.

Of course, she knew full and well that this day may never arrive.

The bride had devoted herself to the heartless fiancé, who stole her heart and never returned it. He took advantage of her, took her soul and laid her body bare to a starving death. Hermione would never understand it, ever. How you could knowingly hurt someone, intentionally. Watch as you break them apart and tear at the very seams that are holding their fragile body together. How you can watch them sob and beg for relief that only you can provide. Only to laugh and snide at their pathetic cries.

But oh, what Hermione would give to have her accept her love. They would embrace, touch hands in the most magical and electrifying of way. They would kiss each other, the taste of their cold lips against her own. She would kiss them as if their mouths were of tea and wine and she was a woman of unquenchable thirst drinking from them with unheeded affections. They would make love, passionate and all-consuming as the fires of hell themselves. And then lay intertwined under the cool of night.

As days went on however, as she laid beside the ebony-haired woman, so close yet so far. She became too weak to even imagine such things. How could she for as long as she had denied herself food. Her pale flesh was as ghostly as the whites of her eyes. The shadowed divots of her ribs and collarbones. Soon made her look not much more alive than the woman beside her. She felt like fine china, a simple rattle away from shattering beneath Bellatrix’s uncertain touch.

Soon the fallen angels laid dead, side by side. Each dying only to be with the love of their life. A burning, all-consuming desire that fueled the bride but now a corpse. Still ethereal and divine. Who lost their fight and will to survive.   A desperate longing that would never be satisfied. Choosing to love is a most certain death, but without it, you will never even survive the night.  

“Because more than God himself; I love his fair angels” ~Marina Tsevetaeva 

[nadziejastar]

What would your ideal redemption for Isa be? Especially post KH3 when he’s with Lea, Xion and Roxas, trying to live a normal life? You made very good points on how Kh writers destroyed Isa’s character, but It’d be interesting to see your ideals of what should’ve happened for him and beyond. ☺️

Well, to have a truly satisfying redemption, you need to create emotional buildup. It was clear that the revelation of Terra and Isa being vessels was supposed to be a LOT bigger deal than it was. Nobody had any reaction to this in KH3. Isa didn’t even have a true redemption.

And even the scene where Terra was rescued didn’t have as much emotional impact as it should have, because there was not much leading up to it. I definitely think that Lea and Aqua were supposed to be the most emotionally affected by learning their friends were vessels. Personally, I think it’s because both of them were in love. Aqua with Terra, and Lea with Isa.

How I Think Isa Should Have Been Redeemed

Ven: “Y'ever wonder what what stars are? Where light comes from?”

Aqua: “Hmm… Well, they say–”

Terra: “That every star up there is another world. Yep, hard to believe there are so many worlds out there besides our own. The light is their hearts, and it’s shining down on us like a million lanterns.”

Aqua never knew what happened to Terra after she saved him. She thought he was safe until she saw him in the Realm of Darkness. When she met Mickey in 0.2, she asks about him and he tells her they haven’t found him in ten years. In KH3, she was clearly not herself. You could tell by the way she talked that she was keeping a lot of emotions bottled up. Her voice was unusually soft-spoken.

Aqua: “I took it for granted. I thought I had nothing in life to lose… There’s no deeper sadness than discovering all that you knew is gone.”  

Aqua was the one who made the star-shaped wayfinders. She was always worrying over Terra and chasing after him. Aqua sacrificed herself for him. When she heard from Ansem that the worlds had been falling to darkness, she thought Terra might have been the one saving them. But his possessed self was actually the cause of it all. Finding out that Terra was being used as Xehanort’s vessel the whole time would have been an enormous blow to her. She probably blamed herself for doubting Terra and pushing him away while he was being manipulated by Xehanort.

Aqua: “Together…always.”

“That would be the last night we ever spent beneath the same stars.”

When Ven said how beautiful the stars were, she seemed so sad. Because Terra’s not there. She simply can’t be okay. Not until she knows he is, too. She wanted them to be together, always. She felt SO strongly about this, but didn’t show that side of herself very often. And she was still trying to hide the full extent of her feelings. She said everything would be back to normal soon. She tries to be the brave one for Ven. But he could tell. He took out his charm and said they would trade stories when Terra came back, in an attempt to cheer her up.

Axel: “Hey, Roxas. Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

Roxas: “Like I asked! Know-it-all.”

Axel never had a clue what happened to Isa either. He just knew that he missed his old personality. In his case it would be kind of the opposite. Aqua sacrificed herself for Terra, and found out he was a vessel because of that. But Lea would have found out that Isa only became a vessel because he sacrificed himself for him.

All this time he was resentful of Saïx and thought he had changed. Yet the real Isa was like Aqua. He had performed the ultimate act of love. He never changed. Learning this would have been a devastating blow to Lea. He would feel like he abandoned Isa by leaving Organization XIII.

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed.

A phantom sun.

Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

Like Aqua, he would simply NOT be okay until Isa was. He acts cheerful around Kairi, but something was clearly bothering him as he looked into the sunset. I think the novel was hinting that Isa was the original “know-it-all” who told him why the sun sets red. I mean, who else would it be? Isa is the only established character from Lea’s past.

Axel: “But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore. As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

So, looking at the sunset reminds him of Isa. That’s why he gave his speech about never being apart. Unlike Saïx, the old Isa said he’d never forget Lea. Axel was always trying to hold onto the Isa from his memories.

Lea: “Uhh…I dunno. Maybe later.”

Kairi: “But you always wear the same thing.”

Lea: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This is how you pick me out of a crowd. I make myself easy to remember.”

In their next scene together, Lea dodges Kairi’s suggestion to change out of his Organization clothes. He brushes it off and says he just wants to make himself “easy to remember”. I also think that was an indirect comment about Isa. Especially if Lea found out that when Ansem found Subject X, he had no memories, except for a friend whose name he couldn’t remember. Would Isa still remember him when he woke up? When they were re-completed, they were both wearing the black cloaks. It would have been the last thing Isa saw him wearing.

The cloak is representative of his past. It helps him feel connected to Isa. He’s still stuck in the past and can’t move on. Because he hasn’t accomplished his goal. He hasn’t saved Isa. He said they would never have to be apart as long as he had memories, but he doesn’t want to settle for that anymore. Like Aqua, he internalizes his feelings and tries to act like he’s fine. He likes to put on a brave face, but he is worried and Kairi can tell. She tries to cheer him up.

Aqua: “Somewhere out there, there’s this tree with star-shaped fruit… and the fruit represents an unbreakable connection. So as long as you and your friends carry good luck charms shaped like it, nothing can ever drive you apart. You’ll always find your way back to each other.”

These scenes before the final battle were so important. Terra was the one who told Ven about the light of the stars. The last night they all were happy together, it was under the light of the same stars.

Terra: “You never stopped lighting my way back.”

Aqua was all alone for such a long time. But now Ven is here. And so are all the other Guardians of Light. Things are going to be okay. They look at the stars one last time before the final battle. No matter where Terra is, the light of these same stars is shining on him, too. The light of their hearts is always connected. The stars represent their unbreakable connection. This would be the last night that they would be separated. Aqua was able to light Terra’s way back.

Axel: “Well, I think you can be inseparable even if you’re apart.”

Roxas: “Really?”

Axel: “Sure, if you feel really close to each other. If you’re best friends.”

Axel also gave a lesson on light. Not the light of the stars, but the light of the sun. Lea looks into the sunset with Kairi one last time before the final battle. It blankets the whole landscape in red.  

Axel: “Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!”

The sunset is made of red light, the color that travels the farthest. It can penetrate even the deepest darkness. No matter how far away Isa is, red light can reach him. Things will work out. Lea’s not alone anymore. The sun is setting on this painful chapter of his life. It’s almost time for the dawning of a new day. Saving Terra and Isa should have felt like a MUCH bigger deal.

He let out a deflated breath. The sun was warm and bright, just as it had been when he first arrived. 

The shimmering sunlight brought to mind his conversation with Terra and Aqua the night before the Mark of Mastery exam. The stars were worlds, and their light came from the hearts in that world—or that’s how he remembered it. What were Terra and Aqua up to now—?

The writers had the idea in mind of light being able to reach somebody, no matter how far away they are. Ventus even thought that the sun’s light reminded him of the stars, and it made him think of Terra and Aqua. The Wayfinder Trio were the light of the stars—the hearts of all the worlds shining down on them. Their charms represent their unbreakable connection.

Lea and Isa were the light of the sun and moon. A star and crescent is a sun and moon symbol. Joined as one, the sun and moon represent the cycle of life, death and rebirth, light and darkness, the harmonious union of opposites, and romantic love. Isa’s pin represents their unbreakable connection. They didn’t need Skuld to be part of a trio to “complete” them. They are already complete.

Cool, collected, and mature beyond his age. A serene and self-possessed boy who always has time for a quick quip at his best friend Lea’s expense.

Personality-wise, I see Isa as a mix between Riku and Aqua.

A fifteen-year-old boy mature beyond his years. Riku is cool and collected, but not afraid to speak his mind. He has in insatiable curiosity, and he feels there’s much more to experience beyond the small world he knows.

He’s mature and cool like Riku. It was Riku who was the most responsible for making the raft. And Isa is the one who is in a hurry to get to the castle.

A girl capable of wielding both magic and a Keyblade with perfect balance. She values her friendships with Terra and Ventus above all else, and has the most serious and levelheaded personality of the three.

He’s serious and levelheaded like Aqua. And I think he values his friendship with Lea more than anything.

A self-confident youth always competing with Sora. When the Destiny Islands vanished, so did he. By the time Riku reappeared, Sora had already found new friends, so Riku didn’t rejoin him.

Like Riku, he cares more than he lets on and this can make him vulnerable. Riku always competed with Sora, because he was so dependent on their friendship.

Serious to a fault, she continues traveling the worlds to complete her mission, though her excessive concern for Terra’s well-being creates a misunderstanding and some ill will.

Aqua is similar. She didn’t express the true depth of her concern for Terra because it made her feel too vulnerable. Terra didn’t truly understand how much she cared about him, so he pushed her away.

A quiet and cool-headed youth. Though he does come out of his shell when talking to his best friend Lea, toward others he is distant and untalkative. He also often scolds Lea, who has an opposite (though complementary) personality.

I think it was the same with Isa. He has a difficult time expressing himself. He cares a lot but keeps it a secret, because the true extent of his feelings make him feel too vulnerable. Lea is the only person he can open up to. Isa is dependent on him, and he teases and scolds Lea to cover it up. Deep down, I think Isa is as sentimental towards Lea as Aqua is towards Terra.

Sora: “Riku… C'mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own?”

Sora: “You got friends…like us!”

Riku: “Have you forgotten? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cause I’m not a total sap like you.”

Riku acts very similar to Isa. He hides his his very strong feelings behind a wall of sarcasm. When Sora said Riku had friends, he made a sarcastic comment. When Lea said he wanted everyone to remember him, Isa made a similar sarcastic comment.

Riku: “What I said back there…about thinking I was better at stuff than you…To tell you the truth, Sora… I was jealous of you.”

Sora: “What for?”

Riku: “I wished I could live life the way you do. Just following my heart.”

Riku was secretly jealous of Sora’s ability to open his heart up so easily. But Sora had no idea he felt that way.

Riku: “Well, there is one advantage to being me… Something you could never imitate.”

Sora: “Really? What’s that?”

Riku: “Having you for a friend.”

Sora: “Then I guess…I’m okay the way I am. I’ve got something you could never imitate too.”

Likewise, I don’t think Lea knew the true depth of Isa’s affection for him. And because Isa didn’t express his true feelings openly, Axel thought Isa stopped caring about him after becoming a Nobody.

Terra: “Oy, sometimes you are such a girl.”

Aqua: “Hey, what do you mean, ‘sometimes’?”

Aqua isn’t sarcastic like Riku and Isa. But she did keep the true depth of her feelings to herself as well. Terra thought making good luck charms was an uncharacteristically girly thing for her to do and he teases her a bit. He didn’t realize how much their friendship meant to her. He thought she was spying on him, but all she wanted was for him to be safe.

Zack: “I promised Terra I’d face him. Fair and square.”

Aqua: “The friendship between boys… It almost makes me jealous.”

I always thought this was an interesting quote. Aqua is also jealous. Perhaps being a girl makes her feel like an outsider in certain ways. But I do think the comment could be taken another way. I think she’s envious of the simple friendship boys can have with each other when they don’t have romantic feelings to complicate matters.

Aqua: “One Keyblade is enough…for any friendship. I learned it the hard way. I wouldn’t wish our lives on those children. Terra, please tell me–what’s to become of us?”

She can never truly be one of the guys. Aqua is always the strong one for Ven. On the other hand, Terra brings out a sense of vulnerability in her that nobody else does.

Saïx: “You’re the one who went off and made other friends. I lost…all sense of purpose.”

I think there WAS truth in Saïx’s comment about jealousy. But there was definitely way more going on with him than just that and he never put on an “act”. I definitely don’t think his coldness was that simple. Plus, Saïx is NOT a very good actor. Isa didn’t smile much. He didn’t open up to others. After Axel left and made new friends, his heart lost its purpose. I think Isa’s heart was jealous of Axel’s friendships with Roxas and Xion. But Saïx was unaware of this. I think if Saïx himself was jealous of anything, it was the fact that others could grow hearts, unlike him.

Aqua: “Terra and Ven didn’t have anything to say. But my shadow… She wanted to destroy me. Never would have thought I’d become my own worst enemy. I’ve talked to myself a lot since falling into these shadows. But with the phantom, it’s as though all of my doubts have gained a voice of their own. She’s the weakness in my heart. I know I’m alone here. Have the uncountable hours in the shadows whittled away the courage I never really had? I’m losing this fight. The darkness has found the cracks in my heart. Is this…the last apparition before it takes me over?”

I think in order to have a good redemption, Lea would have to wake Isa from his sleep. So, he’d have to face the shadow version of Isa, just like Sora, Mickey, and Riku had to face Aqua’s shadow before she woke up. I think Isa’s similarity to Riku is what made him such an appealing target for a vessel. After all, Riku was their first choice, not Sora.

Riku: “That was my…my dark side. I gave in to the darkness once. And ever since, it’s chased me around in one form or another. The Seeker of Darkness who stole my body…a puppet replica of the shadows in my heart…and now, I’m facing me.”

Riku has a lot of emotional depth. But the greater emotional capacity, the greater the capacity for darkness and despair. The higher the highs, the lower the lows. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. He’s more easily driven to darkness because he keeps his feelings bottled up inside. I think that’s why Anti-Saïx and Anti-Riku were bosses. It was foreshadowing them dealing with their issues.

“The islands where you grew up were sundered, scattered—so many hearts lost to the darkness. And it was all your doing!”

It’s true, Riku thought in despair. If I hadn’t given in to that temptation… If I hadn’t believed what that man said…

“You hated spending your days trapped on these little islands, and so without a thought, you opened the Door of Darkness and destroyed them. It was you! You let darkness pull you in, and now, you belong to it.”

If he was a creature of darkness—if he couldn’t fight the darkness with his own strength—then there was no other way but for Sora to destroy him, Riku thought hazily. And if someone had to destroy him…he would much rather that Sora do it than anyone else.

Coming face to face with his darkness made Riku feel like he deserved to be destroyed.

Phantom Aqua: “Only your heart is hollow enough to be a demon’s. Is there any point in continuing this fight? No one can save you. And no one wants to. Your bonds of friendship only tie you down. You’ll never see the realm of light again. Just let go of everything and fade into the darkness.”

Aqua is strong, but anyone would reach their limit in her situation. She gave up everything for Terra. And a part of her does feel like her bonds only tie her down. Look where she ended up because of her act of love. And knowing Aqua, she probably feels like she deserves to fade into darkness for feeling that way. She compares her heart to a demon’s. Aqua’s shadow self wanted to destroy her. Perhaps a part of Aqua also wanted to destroy herself.

In that instant of hesitation, Roxas charged. Saïx blocked the sweep of the Keyblade. It brought back those long-ago days when there had been some pleasure in fighting. The Claymore slammed into Roxas…

And he recalled things from long, long ago.

The novel said that Saïx took pleasure in fighting, and started to recall things from long, long ago. I don’t know for sure, but I think it was referring to the experiments. I think Isa was forced to fight. Xehanort needs his vessels to be capable in combat, of course. And teenage Isa was no expert swordsman. I think that’s the true origin of his berserk state.

It is my duty to expose what this darkness really is. I shall conduct the following experiments:

Extract the darkness from a person’s heart.

Cultivate darkness in a pure heart.

Both suppress and amplify the darkness within.

The experiments caused the test subject’s heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery.

The experiments were to draw out the darkness of the heart. And look at what was done to Subject X. Isolation, sensory deprivation, being called “X”, and Isa’s face was mutilated. After such abuse, he must have felt incredible pain, rage and hatred. He probably let all these feelings out when he was forced to fight. Eventually a part of him probably even started to enjoy fighting. And he probably felt ashamed of those darker emotions, and felt like fading away at times, too.

There was no way to know how far this shadowy nothingness went on. Riku felt like they would keep going forever and never find a way out. But Sora just kept moving, focusing on the next step in front of him.

I don’t have that kind of strength, thought Riku. If it was just me, I might have let myself waste away in here… But I want to get Sora home to our island.

Riku was okay with fading to darkness since the King, Kairi and the others were safe. But he wanted to get Sora back home. Sora still needed him. This gave Riku strength he wouldn’t have otherwise had. Riku developed such a resistance to darkness, he was no longer considered a viable vessel. But he didn’t view himself as strong.

Aqua: “I know I promised to wake you up. I’m sorry. But I have to find a way home before I can help you. I just want you to know that it’s been you that keeps my heart strong. Keeps the dark away.”

In a hopeless situation, Aqua’s hope would be be thinking of her friends, just like with Riku. Feeling like she needed to be there for Ven gave Aqua the strength to resist the darkness.

Memoirs, Excerpt 2

We slipped into the castle that day knowing only that we wanted, with all our hearts, to save her.

Lea and Isa were willing to put themselves in harm’s way, because they wanted to save a total stranger with all their hearts. I think they would be willing to do anything for each other.

I awoke in a cell, alone until the researchers came with their tests and their prodding to uncover my identity. I had no answer to offer them. Four friends, and a key…that is the sum total of my memory. I could not even recall my name. I was simply called “X” there.

I think Isa had amnesia after Ansem the Wise discovered the experiments on darkness. But he still remembered he had a friend.

Subject exhibits signs of profound amnesia, and displays concern for which world this is. Her words suggest that she departed her home world with others, though she cannot recall the names of her erstwhile companions. All efforts to explore those memories have met with a rejection response.

That friend was his main concern, despite not even remembering his name.

My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered mental collapse. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as she.

Xehanort might have thought Subject X was just a very strong and exceptional specimen, but I think Lea was the only thing that kept him going. Isa couldn’t give up until he knew Lea was okay. I doubt he considered himself strong, though.

Xaldin: “That which we treasure has power over us, Roxas. His heart is captive to it. And that makes it his weakness.”

Axel didn’t want to to disappear. But there was one thing that made him feel like it wouldn’t be so bad. And that was fighting Saïx. I think it’s possible that during the experiments, the apprentices were going to make Isa fight Lea, as a way to cultivate and amplify the darkness within him. Lea was his weakness that made his heart a “captive”. And Isa refused.

Braig: “You’re only here so that when I finish you off…Terra will succumb to the darkness. So…who wants to go first?”

Aqua: “Go ahead if you want to waste your time. Keep trying to drive us apart with your mind games. It’ll never work!”

They may have threatened him with all manner of punishment, but there was nothing they could do to him to make him fight his friend.

Xehanort: “Still so blind… Then I will make you see. Come to the place where all Keyblade wielders leave their mark on fate–the Keyblade Graveyard! There you will watch your dear Ventus and Aqua meet their ends, and the last light within you will die!”

I think that might have been how he sacrificed himself. He was willing to accept whatever they were going to do to him, to protect his friend. But if Xehanort or Braig threatened to harm Lea, especially right in front of him, I think that would have been the one thing to finally break Isa’s spirit, causing him to mentally dissociate.

Terra: “Aqua, Ven… One day I will set this right.”

Terra’s heart survived because he was thinking of Aqua and Ven ahead of himself. Isa’s heart would survive, due to the strength of his love.

Saïx: “Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.”

Part of Isa’s heart probably felt the same way Aqua did. Look where his bond of love got him. He’s become a vessel. Nobody knows where he is, or even that he needs help. Nobody is going to save him, and no one wants to. He’s forgotten, and now Lea went off and made other friends. His heart no longer had any purpose. Like Phantom Aqua, it resorts to self-destruction. His shadow would need to be subdued for him to wake up.

Aqua: “A pure heart filled with light… It’s strange, The Master taught me darkness needs to be destroyed. But how, if not with light?”

Fairy Godmother: “Oh, my dear, you’re too young to know. Experience more things, and you’ll find the answer. Just trust in your dreams.”

I thought it was interesting that the Fairy Godmother told Aqua not to fight darkness with light. It was strongly suggested that Eraqus was misguided in his beliefs, but this idea is never followed up on.

Shadow Aqua: “All that’s left in my heart is misery and despair…and now you can share it!”

Riku: “There’s no need. Got my own.”

I think this concept was going to be the most important while using the power of waking. You aren’t able to arouse someone from their slumber by destroying their darkness with the power of light. You have to be able to reach them where they are—in the deepest, darkest abyss. You have to truly understand and empathize with their darkness to ease their pain. Then you can gently guide them back into the light.

Master Xehanort: “And Aqua and Ventus, their lights shine too bright. It is only natural that they cast shadows on your heart.”

Aqua didn’t express her love for Terra by shining her light on him. Aqua and Ven’s bright light is what pushed Terra away. She expressed her love by choosing to partake in his darkness with him, then lighting his way back. And Lea certainly has plenty of misery and despair of his own, too.

Riku: “It’s just… I’ve always wondered why we’re here on this island. If there are any other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one? And suppose there are other worlds… Then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could’ve just as easily ended up somewhere else, right?”

But even after being rescued, I don’t think Isa was done developing. I think he was originally going to be an important character in the future games. I mean, he is the best friend of a main character. There’s a lot they could potentially explore. I think Isa had an innocent side that just wanted to experience fun and adventure. But he tried to hide it and act mature, like Riku did.

Memoirs, Excerpt 1

The castle was a wonderland to us children. Within its walls, Ansem the Wise conducted his research, and the fruits it bore allowed everyone outside to live in peace and happiness.

I think that’s originally why they both wanted to sneak into the castle. It was similar to Riku’s desire to build the raft. I think Braig probably planted some seeds in the children of Radiant Garden. Lea and Isa seemed to know there was more than just research going on in that castle. There was something extraordinary. The Door to Darkness. Maybe the smile Lea had on his face when he looked at the D.T.D. had a sense of irony to it, since it was the very reason he started his journey with Isa in the first place?

Santa: “Before you do, Sora… I believe there’s a friend of yours…who—if I recall correctly—was the one who told you there’s no such thing as Santa Claus?”

Sora: “Oh yeah… He did say that.”

Santa: “Be sure to give him my very best wishes.”

In his mind, Riku thought he always needed to act mature. But in his heart, his desire was to live more like Sora. I found one of the more interesting Riku moments to be when he told Sora there was no such thing as Santa. I always imagined it happened right after Riku found out Santa wasn’t real. And in his sadness, he tried to act too cool to have ever believed in him anyways. He was hiding his true feelings of disillusionment. But Santa knew the truth. He told Sora to give him his best wishes because he wanted Riku to believe once again.

Fairy Godmother: “Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. I appear to those who believe that dreams come true.”

Aqua: “Then I am honored. But why would you advise me not to fight darkness with light?”

Fairy Godmother: “Strong rays of sun create dark shadows.”

Just like The Fairy Godmother did for Terra and Cinderella. Isa needs to learn how to believe again, too. And he’s surrounded by people who can do just that.

Lea: “I’ll see ya when I see ya. After all, we’re friends now. Get it memorized.”

Ven: “Okay, Lea.”

Isa: “What is it with you and picking up stray puppies?”

Isa was too shy to directly interact with Ven himself, but Lea was there and they all laughed together. He acts cool, like Riku, but he was probably jealous of Lea’s ability to be so open and make friends so easily. But in the ending of KH3, he does smile and play with Ventus. The ice has been broken. He was able to come out of his shell around someone besides Lea. His future arc would be learning how to be more open and forthcoming with his feelings, and become friends with everyone else, too.

Data Riku: “Maybe…I’ve been a little jealous. You’re always surrounded by friends who trust you and are there to support you–”

Data Sora: “Okay, stop right there. First of all, I trust you. Second of all, my friends are your friends, too. Just ask ‘em!”

Despite his sarcasm, Riku was jealous of how Sora was constantly surrounded by friends. He didn’t think Sora’s friends were HIS friends. It’s why Maleficent was able to affect him so badly, particularly while he was under the influence of Xehanort’s Heartless. And Isa is still shy. When Hayner, Pence, and Olette show up, he doesn’t smile and wave to them. He doesn’t think they’re HIS friends. He doesn’t see himself as truly one of the group…yet.

Xemnas: “My my, a hollow puppet that’s managed to grow a heart. Just imagine that.”

Sora: “Pinocchio isn’t anything like you Nobodies. But if Pinocchio could be given one–shouldn’t you be able to have a heart inside you, too?”

Saïx was always calling Xion “broken”. That seemed to be the root of his hatred for her. Maybe Saïx hated Xion for the same reason he hated Axel after he defected? Seeing Xion provokes pain in him for some reason. He can’t even “see” her, but she still has a heart.

“Saïx called her ‘defective.’”

Axel sighed, too. He had his doubts that Saïx realized just how special Roxas and Xion were. How they seemed to process things with an emotional quality that none of the other Nobodies had. Speak in those cold, dispassionate terms to one of them, and it would provoke the opposite reaction—just as if they had hearts.

Saïx didn’t understand that. Despite the lack of a heart, he could imagine what it was like to have emotional responses based on what he remembered from his human life. And he must be able to remember how much trouble it was.

Even a puppet can grow a heart, but he can’t. Axel didn’t understand Saïx. He knew exactly how special Xion was. That’s why he hated her. Axel also grew a heart by spending time with his new friends. But Saïx couldn’t. He didn’t understand his own pain. Axel made him feel like he had some kind of “purpose” that he’d forgotten. And Xion caused him to feel broken and defective. And so he chose to lash out at her like he did with Axel.

Quasimodo: “The people out there would be cruel to me. I’m a monster, you know.”

Riku: “Is that what Frollo told you? Trust me, looks can be deceiving. A good friend sees you for who you are, no matter what face you wear.”

Riku avoided Sora, even though he knew Sora desperately wanted to see him. He knew he only looked that way because he wanted to help Sora, and he knew Sora would accept him no matter what he looked like. But he still couldn’t bear the shame of looking like “Ansem”. I definitely think Isa would deal with a lot of shame over what Saïx did, especially to Roxas and Xion. It wasn’t really him, but it was still his body and appearance. I think Riku and Isa could become very good friends, since they have a lot in common. Isa would need encouragement that the others don’t see him as Saïx.

Can you tell us a little about Pinocchio’s world that was originally intended to be in the game but was taken out? What was it going to be like?

Nomura: Set in a circus and playing off the story of Pinocchio, a puppet with a heart, and the Nobodies who possess no heart, we planned for a sad episode with Roxas and Xion looking for hope for themselves.

I always wished they kept the Pinocchio world in Days, since replicas are so often compared to puppets. The Blue Fairy from Pinocchio is similar to Fairy Godmother and Santa Claus. She has the power to bring puppets to life. They all encourage someone to believe. Roxas and Xion could empathize with Isa’s feelings. They were always told they had no heart. They felt sad and hopeless, too. They would not blame him for what Saïx did and they would become very good friends.

Also, writing about the Pinocchio world brings back memories. Fun Fact: This question was from a fan Q&A on the Square-Enix Members site shortly after the game came out. And that was actually my question! Several people asked about the Pinocchio world, but they used my specific phrasing. ^_^

Scrooge: “Ye’ll have buckets o’ fun there, or my name is not Scrooge McDuck. There y'are–enough for you and two grown-ups.”

Ven: “He said to– He said to take two grown-ups.”

Aqua: “You mean us?”

Ultimately, I see Isa as a mix of Riku and Aqua. When he truly moves on from his past, I see him becoming fully a part of the group. He would be a friend and equal to all of the older members. And, if Lea is the “dad” to the younger members, then Isa would be the “mom”. Kind of like how Terra and Aqua are to Ven, which embarrassed them…but also seemed to make them secretly happy.

Riku: “I try too hard to be the role model. It’s more fun to just listen to my heart. Which is Sora-esque.”

Isa would be a responsible and empathetic caretaker who offers good advice, like Aqua. And he’d keep everyone on their toes, like Riku. But he’d be able to let loose and have fun more. I also think eventually, Isa would become a Keyblade wielder and he would be directly involved in the action. If all it takes is a strong heart, I think Subject X passes the test with flying colors.

[greyias]

FIC: Dance with the Devil (6/7)

Title: Dance with the Devil Fandom: SWTOR Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Genre: Angst, H/C, Action Synopsis: Even the best of intentions can come with an unexpected cost. Warnings: See Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Crossposted to AO3

The ambient lighting in the medbay almost seemed too bright, and Theron found himself squinting as the Jedi in front of him let out a long, haggard breath. She gave his fingers a tight, almost bone breaking squeeze and seemed to slump a little in her perch next to the cot.

“You’re going to be okay now.” Relief and exhaustion dragged her statement down into a whisper. “Don’t worry.”

While that was very much a good thing, it didn’t explain the bizarre imagery that lingered at the back of Theron’s mind, nor why she looked quite so run down. A vague sense of unease began to creep in as she hastily scrubbed at the damp tracks on her cheeks.

“Were you crying?”

“No… yes. Sorry.” Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard, taking in another shuddering breath. “It’s been a long few days.”

“Why?”

Her eyes fluttered open as she peered at him, tentatively resting her free hand on his forehead, as if checking something. It didn’t escape his notice that she hadn’t loosened her grip on his other hand. After a moment, she nodded to herself, some tension draining from her shoulders. “You were very sick for a while there.”

“Sick?” He had been injured, that much he was sure of. He couldn’t help but frown as he tried to sort through the confusing tangle of memories. Some were clearer than others, he could remember just about all of Skeressa (unfortunately), some of the medbay, and then there was a hazy mass of very dark, surreal, and confusing imagery. 

“The wound on your side was infected.” Her voice didn’t raise above the soft, raspy whisper. “Kolto should have handled it, but you kept getting worse.”

That was odd. Even without a tank to be submerged in, there was enough kolto stocked in the medbay to handle just about everything short of decapitation. Kolto resistant infections were extremely rare, usually of a more viral nature than something picked up on a dirty warehouse floor.

“How much worse?”

Her eyes darted away again, but he’d seen the flash of pain, residual fear, and his concern heightened. Sitting up seemed like a monumental task at that moment, so he took the easier path, and folded his other hand over the one still clinging to him tightly. 

“For a moment I thought you were going to…” She trailed off, taking a moment to swallow before looking back at him. The dark circles under her eyes stood out in contrast to her pale face. “You’re a very lucky man.”

He swallowed, following the line of logic. Part of him felt like he should apologize, as nonsensical as that was. She just looked so tired, so worn. Like she was the one who had just come from death’s door, rather than him.

Theron let his gaze wander, eyes drifting down to the freshly applied kolto bandage. The skin around it looked smooth, no longer red and inflamed. Just like a properly healing wound. The ragged pain had dulled to a muted ache thanks to the kolto, and almost all of the fog clouding his thoughts seemed to have lifted.

In fact, everything seemed almost deceptively normal, if it wasn’t for the abnormally gray pallor of his caretaker.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

She took in a long breath, before letting it out very slowly, but when she looked at him again he could still see a fever burning brightly in her eyes. “I will be. Now.”

There was a finality to her tone, as if to indicate an end to that line of inquiry. The fatigue dragging him down made it tempting to indulge in that silent request. Another, more stubborn part of him wanted to push the subject, because something still felt very off. However seeing as he apparently had somehow survived the infection from hell, maybe that was to be expected. 

In the end, the infamous Shan stubbornness won out. “You don’t look okay.”

“We should be focusing on you right now.”

He didn’t want to do that. That required thinking, trying to sort through the confusing snatches of memory and piece together a complete picture, and that just sounded exhausting. Not to mention he had never been keen to contemplate or even confront his own mortality. He had always just assumed he would go out in a blaze of glory doing something fantastic and worthy of the Shan name. Not curled up on a medical cot out in the middle of space as he wasted away to some preventable vestige of archaic medicine.

Except that he wasn’t dying now, at least according to the woman staring at him. So as much as he didn’t want to think, didn’t want to ask questions, one bubbled to the surface anyway. “If the kolto didn’t work… what happened exactly?”

It should have been an easy question to answer. From the way her lips pressed together to form a thin line and the silence between them stretched on, it was apparent that it was anything but simple.

The hard countenance finally broke but her smile was still tight, and she looked somewhere over his shoulder instead of directly at him when she spoke again. “The Force flows through everything, it’s what binds us together.”

The phrase was almost an exact mirror of one of Dirai’s rants, and Theron wasn’t able to stop himself from physically wincing. She caught his unconscious reaction, her forehead creasing into a frown as she gave his hand a firm squeeze as if in reassurance.

“I… heard something similar recently,” he admitted quietly.

“Dirai.” It was not a question but a statement, nearly a snarl. “From the nature of the rumors I heard, I suspect he had different… ‘talents’ with the Force than most.”

“He was insane.”

“His mastery of the Dark Side was not in any way diminished by his grip on reality.” She gave him a serious look. “The Force is part of every living thing—each with its own unique signature. It is not meant to be bent, not to be twisted into anyone’s will. What he and his followers practiced—it’s not natural.”

It was also irrelevant. Theron had heard the same rumors as her, and they didn’t have anything to do with the subject at hand. “Trust me, I was there. I wasn’t anything more than a punching bag and occasional pin cushion. Not even a good one as Dirai had to keep healing me half the time. Mostly, I was just bait.”

He spat the last word, the familiar slow burn of anger and self-recrimination rising back up. That she had come away from that encounter relatively unscathed didn’t chase away that ugly feeling still bubbling inside of him.

“Theron,” the graveness in her tone pulled his focus back to the present, and he looked to see her staring at him intently, “he wasn’t healing you.”

His time in captivity came rushing back, and Theron felt a queasy sensation when he remembered the odd, sickening “healing” sessions after each interrogation. The blinding, burning pain in his side that had never gone away. The unnatural, slow trickle of blood that never quite stemmed over the duration of his captivity.

Oh. 

Oh crap.

He sucked in a quick breath, and felt her squeeze his hand again, trying to comfort him. “What the hell did that sick bastard do to me?”

“I don’t know exactly.” Her words were quiet. “Your presence in the Force was… wrong. Twisted. It was still you, but like something dark and foreign had taken hold. Like you had been bound in more ways than one.”

“But I’m not…”

“The Force flows through everything, Theron, even you.” Her smile was sad, tired. “I can’t claim to understand the purpose behind his twisted experiments. What he hoped to accomplish beyond causing suffering for suffering’s sake.”

This connection you share with the host, how deep does it run? The memory of the malevolent whisper sent a chill down his spine. Can they feel your pain?

It had just been mad jabberings, none of that nonsense about the Force and bonds was true. If there was a kernel of truth in each of his ravings, then that meant anything he said couldn’t be dismissed outright. Theron didn’t want to contemplate the darker ramifications of that, as he was far too bone-weary and tired to try and unravel those rantings. He could mention them to her, maybe get her perspective since she knew more about this sort of thing than him, but she looked just as worn out as he felt. Like she hadn’t slept in the past week.

It was very possible she hadn’t.

“How long was I out?”

“A day… two? Our shortcut took us far off the beaten path. Too far to get you to a medcenter.” Her eyes darted away and she muttered, almost under her breath. “Not that it would have helped anyway.”

He found himself frowning. “What is that supposed to mean?”

She still didn’t quite meet his eye, as she shrugged one shoulder. “A doctor can stitch a wound, Theron, but it takes a healer gifted with the Force to mend that sort of damage.”

That… really didn’t sound good. He watched as she continued to avoid meeting his eye directly, and a sickening sensation started to bubble up in his gut as he stared at that unnatural, almost gray complexion of hers. “But you said I was going to be okay…”

“You are, don’t worry.”

As she shifted uncomfortably, that nauseous sensation morphed into something akin to dread, cold and hard like someone was tightening a vice around his chest. She wasn’t a healer, and as a Jedi didn’t have the deep knowledge of twisted Dark Side rituals like Dirai. But someone else in the room did.

“What did you do?” The question didn’t come out as a shout, just a hoarse plea. 

Even if she refused to look at him, he could still read her face like an open book, and this volume was littered with something akin to guilt and shame. Unconsciously his grip on her hand tightened, and she made to pull away. He held onto it, clinging like a lifeline, not allowing her to withdraw from him any more.

“Stop,” she said quietly, “just let it go.”

“No.”

“Theron, please—”

“You didn’t…” He had thought all of his anger and fear had been burned out by the fever, but apparently he still always had a little fire burning somewhere inside of him. “After all of this, everything that bastard did, you better tell me you didn’t give in to that snake—”

“Valkorion wouldn’t help!” she snapped, pulling her hand free with a quick jerk. “He said I should just let you die! That it’s what you deserved for meddling with things you didn’t understand.”

“I wasn’t meddling with anything.”

“We’re not stupid, Theron!” Pink rushed to her cheeks, the color standing out brightly against the gray pallor.

“We? Are you two suddenly buddies now?”

“No! Of course not! How can you even ask that?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on here!”

There was a flash of color at the door, as if the third, almost forgotten (corporeal) passenger of their vessel had been summoned by the commotion, but had very quickly and wisely decided to be literally anywhere else on the ship. If only Theron had that luxury.

“You want to know? Fine! He knew what you were up to on Skeressa even before you told me. Or didn’t tell me. What do you think he was droning on about earlier?”

“You could have told me that—”

“I was more concerned with trying to keep you alive!” Grey fixed him with a look. “Apparently I’m the only one in this room who has that as a valid concern!”

“That’s not fair. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen—do you think I just walked up to the crazy blood-letting cultist and let myself get captured? Do you think I wanted you to be lured into that hell? Or that I wasn’t trying to escape every damn minute?”

“No, I…” She crumpled then. The anger, the fear, and what little color brought on by all of it drained out as she hid her face in her hands. “I didn’t mean that.”

He wanted to bury himself in that righteous anger, the flare of temper that had never quite been tempered despite all of Ngani Zho’s training or the SIS’s practicality. But something had a far stronger pull on him, and it surged past the heat of anger as she folded in on herself. It pushed past even the bone weary ache that had taken up residence in him, as he found some reserve to push himself into a half sitting position. He ignored the muted ache in his side trying to roar back up as the movement jostled it, one hand reaching out to brush against her knuckles.

“Don’t… I’m sorry.” Unfortunately while it gave him strength, it still didn’t give him complete sentences. “I didn’t mean it either. I just…”

He wasn’t sure how to finish that, because he was a lot of things. Confused. Angry. Scared. None of which he liked being, because each of them robbed him of some measure of control.  Which was laughable in a way, because here they both were obviously careening wildly off anything resembling that.

“You were dying, Theron,” her voice cracked, “I had to do something.”

“Not that.” Anything but letting that monster win. “I’m not worth—”

She stiffened, dropping her hands so she could spear him with the most severe expression he’d ever seen her direct his way. When she spoke, her voice still shook with emotion, but there was undercurrent of steel backing it. “If I am worthy of what you went through, then you are worth sacrifice in equal measure.”

Theron swallowed, all of the obvious, logical arguments against that flashing through his mind. The fact that the Alliance, the galaxy, needed her at the helm. Needed her to inspire everyone around them. Her, not the manipulative spirit walking in her shadow. That if Valkorion regained a physical form, he would likely enact the horror of Ziost upon the galaxy at large. The life of one spy wasn’t worth risking any of that. Those were all very important reasons, and he did care about them. But he was also selfish, and the reason that rose to the surface had nothing to do with the greater good.

“I can’t…” The words tried to get stuck in his throat again, but he pressed on, forcing them past the lump that had risen up. “I’ve already seen what this galaxy is like without you. Don’t make me do that again.”

“I am but one person. The galaxy can—”

“No,” the dry rasp in his voice made his words hoarse, but they didn’t take out the force behind his shout, “don’t make me do it without you. Not again.”

The hard expression softened, and she leaned across the distance separating them, gingerly cupping his face with a hand. “I am still here, Theron.”

He almost asked for how long, but he stopped himself, forcing himself to swallow those words. It wasn’t a fair question and he knew that. Even if some traitorous part of his brain whispered some variation on it at least once a day. Instead he rested his palm on top of the one cupping his cheek, and met her gaze, searching for any sign of the demon that lurked within.

She was the only one looking back at him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I just… hate that he’s doing this to you. Again.”

“Me too,” her words were just as quiet.

“And I promised… I promised you—”

She cut him off with a kiss, lips pressing against his firmly. They were both too drained for it to have any fire or promise of anything more. It was just a desperate need for connection, reassurance that they were both still here, at least for now. His hand slid up, tangling in her hair while the other slipped around her awkwardly, trying to pull her onto the cot with him. She shook her head, but he gave another insistent tug.

“That’s not what I intended… you need to rest.”

“I will. Just… stay?”

“This isn’t appropriate.” The words sounded more like they were meant for herself if the conflicted look on her face was anything to go by.

“I don’t care.”

“You’re still healing,” she said hesitantly, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” he looked at her earnestly. “I just… need to hold you for a bit.”

“Why?”

“I…” In his mind’s eye he saw her crumbling away from his touch, and swallowed hard. “I need to feel that you’re real.”

It sounded more desperate than he wanted, but now that he had her this close, the thought of her pulling back away filled him with a numb sense of panic. It was stupid, he knew that, but that kind of logic still didn’t have him loosening his grip on her. Her brows knitted together in concern, and briefly ran her fingers over his forehead as if to double-check her earlier prognosis was correct.

“Please?” he asked quietly.

Her resolve crumbled and she nodded and awkwardly shifted her position as he gingerly made room for her on the large cot. Though healing now, the jostling of the wound on his side had him biting down on his lip to control his reaction. She thankfully missed most of that, and by the time her head was pillowed next to him on the cot, he had managed to get it settled back down to a dull muted ache.

This close, there was no mistaking the ashen tone to her skin, or the way that her eyes glittered with the heat of a fever, or possibly something a little more sinister than just that. Despite that, the familiar light that was recognizably her shone through, dulled as it was by whatever had taken hold. His fingers lightly traced her jaw line, unable to completely smother his lingering concern.

“I’m sorry I yelled earlier,” she murmured.

“Me too.” He let out a long breath, weighing his next words carefully. “I just got scared. That all of this—that I—pushed you into making an impossible decision.”

“It would still be my decision to make.” Even as she dropped his gaze, her fingers tangled with his. “Your heart was in the right place, Theron… it just drowned out your logic.”

“I know.” He swallowed hard. “Not the first time that’s happened.”

Her lips twitched up into a sad smile, and used their entwined fingers to rest over his chest. “I’m not saying to ignore it… it’s your best feature.”

He could feel himself returning the half-smile with one of his own. “Not my hair?”

“I like that too,” she said indulgently, “but I like your heart better.”

Sometimes, she knew both exactly what to say to take him off guard while also making him want to roll his eyes. She could be just so charmingly sincere that he never quite had the proper response ready at the tip of his tongue. He shook his head softly at her, and found himself pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Even with just the quick brush of his lips, he could feel the heat radiating off it, and couldn’t stop his frown. “You’re not okay, are you?”

“Not exactly.” Her eyes drifted shut, throat bobbing as she swallowed a few times. “Whatever Dirai did… his corruption seemed to be concentrated on the wound on your side, but it had spread, almost like an infection.”

Theron didn’t say anything, afraid that if he did then she might clam up again. So he just waited, letting his hand absently drift up and down her arm. The action was soothing, even if the skin under his fingers was much warmer than it should have been.

“I didn’t know how to heal it, how to cleanse it,” she said quietly, “and Guss’s studies have really only begun. This situation was far beyond anything he’s prepared to deal with.”

“And Valkorion?” He asked it quietly, without a hint of accusation this time.

“He didn’t offer his help.”

She chewed on her lip for a moment, hesitating, as if she wasn’t sure how to put to words what she needed to say. It was difficult for Theron to be patient, especially with the unease prickling at the base of his spine. He continued to stroke her arm absently, almost as a way to ground himself as he waited.

“Your body already had enough to deal with physically from your ordeal,” she said finally, “and that corruption just kept spreading… so if I couldn’t get rid of it, I did the next best thing.”

The prickles of unease began to slowly climb up his spine. “What was ‘the next best thing’?”

“It wanted a host to infect,” she said quietly, “so I gave it a new one.”

That unease migrated from his spine, settling into his chest as his next breath hitched and he stared at her in horror. “You did what?”

“Funny, that was Valkorion’s reaction too.” Her mouth curved up into the beginnings of a smirk. “Although I believe his concern was a little more self-centered. He doesn’t like sharing.”

“No,” Theron whispered hoarsely, fingers digging into her arm unconsciously, “that’s not… please tell me you’re joking.”

“I was running out of options and time,” she said quietly, “and I was not going to let you die without doing everything in my power to stop it.”

“So I’m just supposed to watch you die in my place?” His voice was raising again. He didn’t particularly care.

“I’m not going to die.” She met his panicked gaze, the fever shining brightly in her eyes. “He may not have wanted to help you, but I am another matter entirely. Valkorion has already shown that he will bring this body back from the brink of death. If he wishes to hang around uninvited, then he must earn his keep.”

“That’s insane.” The vice around Theron’s chest continued to tighten, making it difficult to breathe. “You can’t gamble—”

“It is already done,” she said firmly. “It is… uncomfortable, but I am healthy and able to fight it. I believe he doing so as well, as he has been quiet ever since I finished pulling Dirai’s corruption out of you. An imperfect solution, but we work with what we are given.”

Of all the reckless, boneheaded, idiotic risks, this was probably one of the biggest ones he’d seen her take. He was acutely aware of the irony of it, but was too incoherent with umbrage to properly express his feelings on the matter.

“I know you are angry with me,” she continued on, “just as I am with you for risking your life as you did.”

“You’re damn right I am!” he finally sputtered. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” Her eyes shut, trying to suppress a wince as a shudder rolled through her.

His anger bled away, the tight grip on her arm shifting until it wrapped around her back and she was gently cradled in his arms. “Are you all right?”

Grey pressed her lips together for a long moment, fingers tightening around him, before she cracked her eyes open again. “Any discomfort is temporary. Do not worry.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“I suppose so.” She let out a small sigh. “I apologize for that, I don’t mean to cause you any undue distress.”

They were both a mess, that much was clear. It was probably the will of the Force that Theron had wound up with someone so irritatingly stubborn and rash as him, willing to take the stupidest and craziest risks to try and save the day. Or perhaps he was just rubbing off on her in more ways than he’d thought. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Her eyes crinkled up as she graced him with a wistful smile. “I know. You just wanted to help. Everything just kind of… escalated.”

“Story of my life.” He gave a wry, choked laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Somehow kriff things up ten ways from Taungsday without even trying. Imagine what kind of damage I could do if I put in effort.”

“We will both recover from this,” she assured him. “We just might have to spend some time in the medbay and with the Enclave’s healers when we get back home to do so.”

“I’m kind of preferring a hole to crawl in right now,” he mumbled.

“A bed is much more comfortable. Not to mention practical.”

“How can you joke about this?”

“I am very tired,” she admitted, “it’s probably affecting my judgement some.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, “after everything, you’ve earned some rest.”

“We both have.”

“I’ve been sleeping for days.”

“Nothing about what you went through was restful,” she said gently.

“No,” he admitted quietly, the snatches of nightmare resurfacing, “but are you going to be able sleep with all of that inside you?”

“I can try.” She looked away again, worrying her lip between her teeth. “I believe Valkorion is mitigating the worst of it.”

“Guess he’s good for something.”

“It is most certainly not his company.”

“You've got that right. He's the worst third wheel in the galaxy.”

“For the moment I believe we are alone. I have the impression that it is taking most of his power to fight the infection, and he does not have time to eavesdrop.” She glanced up at him, and there was the hint of a fear she wasn’t ready to give a name to. “Since he came back out of hiding, he has not made an offer of power like he was so used to doing before. I think he’s moved on from negotiating for control. I don’t know what he’s planning, but I have a bad feeling about it.”

That cold lump of dread settled again in his stomach, and Theron found himself being the one to give a reassuring squeeze to her. “Maybe he’s never had a plan.”

She smiled wanly and shook her head. “He has been around a long, long time. That doesn’t happen by accident.”

Theron wanted to offer some sort of platitude or reassurance that they would figure something out, find some way to extract that monster from her head before he had a chance to make his final move. Unfortunately he couldn’t do that truthfully, because he had been trying to do that for so long and just kept running into wall after wall. His opponent had nearly fifteen hundred years to come up with all sorts of contingency plans, not to mention erase records and knowledge of what he had done and how to undo it. It was possible that the solution to this was out of Theron’s hands, but accepting that felt akin to giving up. He might have screwed up, made a mistake about how he tried to handle this — but she of all people didn’t deserve this endless nightmare. And even if he didn’t have the answer on how to stop it, he couldn’t let her walk this path on her own.

“He already made his first mistake,” Theron said quietly, “he’ll make another one.”

“His first mistake?”

“Yeah.” Theron pulled her closer, until their noses were almost touching. “He picked the wrong Jedi to mess with.”

“I suppose he did,” she said quietly.

Her lips twitched into a half-smile as she stared at him in that way that always made his chest feel a little tight. The world around them faded away at the edges and time itself seem to slow — almost like he was catching a glimpse of eternity. Something beautiful, endless, and impossible to look away from.

Theron let himself get lost in the quiet moment. The feeling of her pressed in close mingled with her soft, rhythmic breaths puffing gently against him. Every sensation a small reinforcement of reality, rather than the nightmares that had plagued him. Drawing comfort in her presence and warmth, he slipped into his first peaceful slumber in days.