#i have had really really bad reactions to patchouli oil in the past

[ms-demeanor]

i ordered a used textbook and let me just say that i don't think you should get to list used items as being in good (or even fair) condition if they're so soaked in patchouli oil that you can smell it from two rooms over.

[professorpalmarosa]

Flame Fatale - Malva, Team Flare

For my play-through of Pokémon Y, Malva was repeatedly one of my favorite parts. From the first time she showed up and gave me lip about defeating “big bad Team Flare” in Pokémon League HQ to her pretty much telling me to fuck off at Hotel Richissimme in Xerosic’s post-game arc, I couldn’t get enough of her. She made me giggle profusely, just because it’s been ages since any Pokémon character threw that much sass in my direction.

I miss you, Professor Rowan. Please come back in a Sinnoh remake.

One of the main reasons I keep coming back to the Battle Chateau in Pokemon Y is just so I can kick Malva’s ass again and get called a wicked little trainer. I love her. Well…her game version, anyway. She was alright in the anime, but homegirl went overboard in the manga.

I mean, who on earth thinks it’s okay to chain a grunt up in a dungeon somewhere and beat him senseless for failing a mission? She’s downright adversarial toward Diantha, unnecessarily rude toward poor Xerosic, thirsty as a dehydrated Spheal toward Lysandre, and struts her stuff as though she’s the first lady of Team Flare!

Oh…wait. That’s exactly what she is, isn’t it? I take everything back. Ha ha!

When designing a bath bomb for Malva, it had to smell just as beautiful as it looked. I wanted the water to turn as vibrant pink as her hair, but surround me in a sea of potent aphrodisiacs. The end result is a blend of some well-known amorous boosters (sandalwood, ylang ylang, jasmine, blood orange) with some lesser-known libido boosters (vetiver, osmanthus). All of this partnered up with end notes of patchouli and lavandin grosso makes for an experience like no other.

So light a few candles, grab a naughty book, heat that bath water up until you can barely stand it, and bathe like a queen. You deserve it.

Now it’s time to talk about the pros and cons of these oils from a safety perspective…

Aromatherapy isn’t just about pretty smells and scented bath water. Essential oils are in such a high concentration that even absorbing them through your skin can leave you with the therapeutic (and potentially toxic) benefits.

If you are allergic to a plant, you are 100% without question going to be super allergic to the essential oil.

There’s also such a thing as contraindications: where some oils may affect you in weird ways if you have a certain medical condition or take certain medications.

The information below is for your safety if you want to attempt to make this blend at home (as a bath bomb, a body spray, or even scented bath salts). And do be sure to wear gloves. Some of these oils (especially the Balsam of Peru) have recommended dilution rates as small as 0.4%. You don’t want that to slide on bare skin!

Indian Sandalwood Essential Oil (20% of Synergy)

Sandalwood has a warm, woody scent and is very popular in men’s soaps, colognes, cosmetics, and incense. In certain parts of the world, it is also popular as a flavoring for foods and drinks. It’s a very dense wood, so it’s also very popular for wood carving.

Note: I received my Indian Sandalwood as a gift from a friend who was on a business trip. If you are going to attempt to make this blend at home, I recommend buying Australian Sandalwood as it is way more ethically and sustainably sourced.

Pros:

In traditional Ayurvedic medicine, Sandalwood Essential Oil can be used as an antiseptic and astringent. It can also be mixed into pastes to soothe inflamed, itchy, or flaky skin.

Bugs also hate Sandalwood, especially lice and mites.

Additionally, Sandalwood is one of the best aphrodisiac essential oils you can purchase. There’s a reason a lot of men’s cologne uses this wonderful wood as a main ingredient!

Cons: Although Indian Sandalwood is considered to be a universally safe essential oil, people with very sensitive skin have reported an increased risk for temporary inflammation. This is also not a cat-safe essential oil.

Vetiver Essential Oil (15% of Synergy)

Vetiver has a unique smell. By itself, it reminds me of marsh grass minus the stench of pluff mud. It’s like tall long stalks of grass with a cool, crisp undernote. It’s a lesser-known aphrodisiac, but can also help put you to sleep if you’re finding it hard to drift off to dreamland.

Pros:

Reduce the damage of nerve and circulatory problems! Vetiver can be inhaled to ease your sore joints and muscles.

Have a slow period? Vetiver can help bring it back to a regular cycle!

Reduce stress and anxiety! In fact, Vetiver’s considered so effective for this that people will diffuse it during times of emotional trauma, grief, and shock.

Fight insomnia! Vetiver is a natural sleep aid and very effective. However, its sedative properties are so strong that you might want to avoid using Vetiver in the morning or if you intend to drive or operate heavy machinery. Pull this oil out right before bed or at least once you’re in for the night. It’s worked for me!

Repel lice and other unwanted insects! In the summertime in Charlotte, we sometimes get these nasty giant cockroaches called “Palmetto Bugs.” Since my old house was in a wooded suburb, the bugs were unavoidable and you’d get about 3 or 4 in your house per summer. On days I’ve diffused Vetiver Essential Oil, I didn’t see so much as a fly in the house!

Cons:

Vetiver Essential Oil is an emmenagogue (can be used to start a period) and some people use it as an intentional abortifacent. If you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or nursing; do NOT use Vetiver Essential Oil.

Lavandin (10% of Synergy)

Lavandin Grosso is not a naturally-occurring plant. It is a man-made Lavender cousin to better regulate the lavender scent in the perfume industry. You’ll find that on average, Lavandin Essential Oil is cheaper than Lavender. They share a lot of therapeutic benefits, but aren’t the same thing.

Pros:

Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia or Lavandula latifolia) is perhaps the most versatile essential oil out there, as it pairs with virtually everything. It has a slew of therapeutic benefits, while Lavandin has much fewer.

That said, what Lavandin does do, it does really, really well. It has a stronger, and slightly more camphorous smell. Just one strong whiff will clear out your nasal passage. It’s intense, sharp, and in-your-face…in a good way!

Cons:

Due to its high camphor content, Lavandin is not safe to diffuse around cats or dogs.

Although rare, some people experience allergic reactions to Lavender and Lavandin. If you experience difficulty breathing, a closed throat, a swollen tongue, puffy lips, or hives; discontinue use and seek help from a physician immediately.

At higher concentrations, Lavandin may cause drowsiness. If you need to drive, operate heavy machinery, or need to concentrate at work, don’t diffuse or apply this oil.

When combined with alcohol, Lavandin can increase drowsiness. Exercise caution while drinking.

When combined with some antidepressants, alcohol, antihistamines, sedatives, anxiety medications, pain relievers, muscle relaxants, or seizure medications, Lavandin may increase the effect of those drugs. If you’re on a medication that may also cause drowsiness, don’t use Lavandin Essential Oil or this bath bomb.

Jasmine Absolute (8% of Synergy)

Jasmine Absolute is one of the most costly, expensive, marked up oils you can potentially buy. This is because it takes 3.6 million flowers just to make one pound of Jasmine Absolute Oil.

There are several artificial fragrance oils for the scent (which you can purchase at places like Brambleberry and Whole Foods) that are only a fraction of the cost, but have none of the benefits. This is one of the safest, but also most useful, oils on the aromatherapy market and the scent truly is unforgettable.

Despite the cost, I actually do have the real deal in this bath bomb because I bought some Jasmine Absolute in Hong Kong!

Pros:

It’s a very potent aphrodisiac! Mix this oil with some Blood Orange and Ylang Ylang, and prepare to have a steamy, passionate night of love-making. Not only does the scent carry some seductive qualities, but Jasmine Absolute can be used to aid with sexual problems like impotence and premature ejaculation.

Restore your dry or dehydrated skin to its natural radiance! Dry skin, dehydrated skin, eczema, or dermatitis can be treated with Jasmine Absolute. However, it’s important to note that you should not apply Jasmine Absolute to open wounds.

Regulate your menstruation or labor pains! Jasmine Absolute is a strong emmenagogue, which means it stimulates menses. This can be used to speed up a period that hasn’t yet arrived, as well as reduce cramping by having more material flush out of your uterus at once. Some studies indicate that it can be beneficial during childbirth, as it strengthens contractions and promotes breast milk flow.

Treat spasms! Coughs, cramps, and muscle spasms don’t stand a chance against Jasmine Absolute.

Banish negativity and boost your spirit! The smell of jasmine brings with it feelings of joy, positivity, and confidence. Emotions like guilt, shame, stress, and grief melt away; leaving you with a calm, peaceful mind that’s ready to take on anything.

Cons:

Jasmine Absolute Oil is considered to be universally safe, non-sensitizing, non-toxic, and a non-irritant (though my sister gets migraines from the artificial fragrance oil). That said, do not use the oil if you are pregnant or breastfeeding.

You should also never orally ingest an essential oil. Put Jasmine Absolute in a diffuser or on your skin with a carrier oil. Just remember to use it in moderation as going overboard might interfere with your concentration by “relaxing” you a little too much.

Blood Orange (12% of Synergy)

There’s a large and vast variety of orange essential oils out there, but most fall into two categories: those derived from the Seville bitter orange (Neroli, Petitgrain, etc.), and those derived from the sweet orange (Sweet Orange, Tangerine, Mandarin, Blood Orange, etc.).

Out of the sweet orange oils I have, the Blood Orange has the strongest and juiciest scent. If you love oranges, Blood Orange is something you’ll want to get for yourself. It smells fantastic!

Pros: The peel of sweet orange varieties (which includes Blood Orange) can be used to increase your appetite, reduce phlegm in your nose and lungs, treat coughs and colds, calm down asthma, reduce intestinal gas, settle indigestion, treat kidney stones, lower cholesterol, regulate blood pressure, and reduce the risk of stroke.

Some research even indicates that Blood Orange Essential Oil can help with prostate cancer and cancerous breast sores.

One other super cool thing about Blood Orange is that it’s listed as an aphrodisiac oil. Spritz yourself with a little and have yourself a grand time!

Cons:

Due to its high limonene content, Blood Orange is not safe to diffuse around a cat. Your dog should be fine, but cats lack a liver enzyme that helps them break down this chemical. It can create a toxic buildup and make them very, very sick.

Although Blood Orange is perfectly safe for adults, do not use the essential oil with babies or children under the age of 6.

If you are taking any of the below medications, do not use this essential oil:

Celiprolol (Celicard)

Ivermectin

Pravastatin (Pravachol)

If you are taking any of the below medications, exercise caution when using this essential oil:

Quinolone antibiotics such as Ciprofloxacin (Cipro), Enoxacin (Penetrex), Gatifloxacin (Tequin), Levofloxacin (Levaquin), Lomefloxacin (Maxaquin), Moxifloxacin (Avelox), Norfloxacin (Noroxin), Ofloxacin (Floxin), and Trovafloxacin (Trovan).

Fenofenadine (Allegra)

Medications moved by pumps in cells (P-Glycoprotein substrates) such as Etoposide, Paclitaxel, Vinblastine, Vincristine, Vindesine, Ketoconazole, Itraconazole, Amprenavir, Indinavir, Nelfinavir, Saquinavir, Cimetidine, Ranitidine, Diltiazem, Verapamil, Corticosteroids, Erythromycin, Cisapride (Propulsid), Fexofenadine (Allegra), Cyclosporine, Loperamide (Imodium), Quinidine, and others.

Ylang Ylang III (12% of Synergy)

Ylang Ylang is a powerhouse oil for those who want to get a good night’s sleep, keep their hair looking beautiful, or just want to spice up the bedroom. It’s one of the strongest floral oils and can cost a pretty penny!

A good Ylang Ylang will make you want to close your eyes and pretend you’re running through a Victorian greenhouse. A bad Ylang Ylang will smell like pool water.

I’m not exactly new to the rodeo. I bought the good stuff.

Pros:

Fight insomnia! Ylang Ylang is a natural sleep aid and very effective. However, its sedative properties are so strong that you might want to avoid using Ylang Ylang in the morning or if you intend to drive or operate heavy machinery. Pull this oil out right before bed or at least once you’re in for the night. It’s worked for me!

Repel head lice! Ylang Ylang can be used in a combination spray to repel and even kill head lice. Developing evidence suggests that a homeopathic blend of coconut oil, anise oil, and ylang ylang oil had a 92% effectiveness rate on killing those unwanted creepy crawlies in children’s hair.

Lower high blood pressure!

Increase your sex drive! Ylang Ylang is a natural aphrodisiac and has been used for millennia for that exact purpose. There’s a reason this flower is also known as the King of the Flowers!

Cons:

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil is considered to be universally safe for general use. However, it is not safe to diffuse around a cat.

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil is a very potent sedative. Do not use this oil in higher concentrations if you plan to drink alcohol, take melatonin pills, or are taking any sort of sleep aid.

Patchouli Leaf Essential Oil (13% of Synergy)

If you aren’t familiar with the smell of patchouli, stoner shops tend to burn it as incense to hide the smell of cannabis. It’s spicy, smoky, and very distinct. It blends with a lot of different oils and is one of the few that actually grows stronger with age!

Patchouli Essential Oil has a familiar smell. This scent was a favorite among the Hippie Counterculture of the 1960s and we still associate it with stoners and smokers today. It covers the scent of marijuana and blends wonderfully with so many things. It’s actually my grandmother’s favorite essential oil!

It has a slight peppery aroma and is also the key ingredient in my favorite Lush fragrance (Lord of Misrule).

Pros:

Aside from being the quintessential pot deodorizer, patchouli oil is also used as medicine for colds, tumors, headaches, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal pain.

Also, if you’re an alcoholic and suffer from chronic bad breath, patchouli oil can be used to hide the smell.

I also love the fact it can be used to increase your libido!

Cons:

Patchouli Leaf Essential Oil is generally considered to be safe, but is best avoided if you suffer from asthma. We found that one out the hard way in my family.

Osmanthus Absolute (10% of Synergy)

Despite my best efforts to convince my favorite essential oil distributor that they really need to up their game and add Osmanthus to their product line (even as just an Oil of the Month), they have yet to do so. As a result, it’s a royal pain in the ass to locate it without breaking the bank.

Good Osmanthus absolute can run you at about $90 to $200 for a tiny bottle, so I took my chances with a lower quality oil I refuse to diffuse because it’s chunky. My sister has smelled the real deal and says it smells legit, so that’s close enough.

I don’t know too much about the pros and cons of this oil, other than the certified aromatherapist I spoke with at Plant Therapy said it’s considered “universally safe.” Whatever that means. Still, it’s best to be on the safe side and dilute it if you’re going to put it on your skin.