#i have soooo much geography to study oh my god

[leaking-quill]

2021.01.15. the last couple of days have been pleasantly white here, let that be because of frost or snow, and I'm finally feeling like it's winter!

I also have way too much stuff to do, presentations, studying, gift-making for my dad's birthday. getting motivation to do all of that is also a challenge, most definitely 😂

it's also the end of semester next week, but fortunately my teachers haven't gone crazy over fix-it-tests to lift people's grades last minute, which is a first in many years. I suppose that's a good side of online learning!

[mibuchis]

a review of the subjects i study at gcse 💗

i know you don't care but i kinda feel like doing this soooo

the compulsory ones

maths - decent, but boring. once you learn it it's easy enough but i have a short attention span so it takes me a while sometimes lol

further maths - i start it this week and it doesn't seem awful, although i'm in one of the only schools in my country that doesnt give you an option of whether to do it or not - if the school thinks you're capable, you have to do it :/

english language - i love everything but persuasive writing bc my GOD is it boring as fuck. i love analysing stuff and i also love creative writing too! it's pretty fun

english literature - i like to read and learn the full meanings of books, so it's cool. too much controlled assessment tho :/

religious studies - ethics is fun bc i love debating people but i HATED doing Matthew oh my goddd i was so bad at memorising bible quotes and stuff

the ones i chose

art - relaxing if you keep up with your work, if you don't, you're fucked. it's generally pretty nice to explore different artists, themes and media

french - top tier. it's so good omg 😭😭 i find it quite easy so i love it, but i understand why some people wouldn't like it

german - the grammar rules don't come to me as easily in german but i still do fine. my teachers are cool tho so i think that's the main reason i like it

physics - nope. no way. not for me. i was good at it as a junior but it's wayyy harder at gcse

geography - easy enough and i like learning human geography (population, migration, etc). bc of corona my year doesn't have to study physical but i reckon i would've liked it. i would like it more if my friends were in my class, and the people in my class werent a bunch of bigots

[braindump7]

march 23, 2017

12:09am

HI ENA IN CASE YOU ARE READING THIS IT’S SUPER LONG I DON’T RECOMMEND READING IT JUST BECAUSE I WROTE THIS IN HOPES OF GETTING MYSELF TO FALL ASLEEP SO ITS UNNECESSARILY LONG AND RANT-Y BUT YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE READING THIS BUT IF YOU ARE I LOVE YOU

Okay well anyways, I haven’t written on here in over a week, but it’s been quite a rollercoaster since last Wednesday, so I guess I’ll go day by day, I kinda just wanna keep track of everything, no matter how insignificant because I love rereading things, especially if it’s looking back when I’m at a much better place in my life, kinda how I reread all of my old stuff now :) Also, my sleep schedule is back to being soooooo screwed! I was doing so well last week. Thank you, Vegas. 

Wednesday is a day I think I’ll remember for a while, just because my mom apologized to me. I think that may be the first time that she has EVER apologized first. I don’t remember when, but I do know she has apologized to me before, however an apology from my mom never comes unless I initiate the whole reconciliation process. Other than that, nothing much happened; I ended up taking my parents to the airport after comm, but it was such a rush since only my philosophy class was cancelled, so I had to be back for geography.

Thursday was a nice day, I remember planning on studying at the Fresno State lib that day but I ended up at B&N, and got coffee with Alex. This was the night I realized Beauty and the Beast was coming out, and life update: it’s been a week and I still haven’t seen it. EVEN ALEX SAW IT BEFORE I DID AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOVIE SINCE THE TRAILER CAME OUT IN NOVEMBER. I’m not bitter :-) I will literally go watch it alone if I have to :-))))

Friday was such a long day. I remember having a FULL day; dropped Bea off, went on a run that morning, fed the dogs, went to class, (tried to) wash the car, packed for Vegas, got my guitar restrung, and saw Justin that night too. I don’t know what it is but it’s always so refreshing to see him. Speaking of Justin, I just remembered that he said something about watching Beauty and the Beast on Saturday, but I highhhhhly doubt that’s happening.

Saturday was also packed, Alex dropped me off at the airport, and I probably had the worst landing I’ve ever experienced during a plane ride. I almost threw up, and it was just terrible. I just felt sick after, and I had every intention of taking a nap, but I saw my parents and they were so full of energy, I had no choice but to keep up. I showered, helped my mom get ready for the reunion, got ready, and left with the Pulhin family. Oh my God, I’ve missed them so much. I feel like I’m a different person when I speak Tagalog, it’s so weird. I haven’t really been speaking to my parents in Tagalog, but that was honestly ALL I spoke in this past weekend. My mom and Tito Obet made up after their “argument” (????) over my mom voting for something, and it was so nice to finally see them get rid of the tension. My mom apologized to him too, the way she apologized to me, and I’m starting to see my mom in a different light. I don’t know what it is, but I really like it, and I really wish it happened sooner. The reunion went so smoothly, except for the fact that I messed the national anthem up, but at least my mom said nobody noticed. I noticed, though. I definitely noticed. :-) After the reunion, we just went to the mansion all of them rented out, and we stayed there til 5am. I was practically sleepwalking when we left. 

Sunday, I swam and went to the hotel gym, and I remember feeling really weird, because working out while on vacation isn’t really something I’ve ever done before. I don’t really think of it as a chore, or something I MUST do everyday, it’s just something that really helps, I think. I don’t really sweat, so I can’t say that I sweat all of my “problems” out, but working out does put me in a good mood. I think it’s all of those endorphins and GABA being released, duh. (Shoutout AP Psych.) Anyways, we went to the Strip, and I ate some small ass BURNT filet mignon at some expensive Brazilian steakhouse, and dude, I have never been so disappointed in a piece of meat in my life. I honestly just wanted real food after :( I ended up going to dinner with my parents and my momma’s friends later that night. By “later,” I meant past midnight, but at least I practically ate the entire meat lovers pizza Tita Carol ordered. They were all surprised because they kept joking about how skinny I am and how I don’t eat, and it’s kinda ://// because I OBVIOUSLY do eat, and I eat a lot of certain things, but I just generally don’t usually eat a lot. Yeah I know it’s a joke, but it just felt weird. 

Monday, we went to the Grand Canyon, and I was asleep on the way there, in the bus on the way to the observatory, on the way back to the Native American gift shop, and on the way back to Vegas. I was EXHAUSTED, but the Grand Canyon was so beautiful. I was hoping to actually hike and explore around, but we just went to the skywalk thing, where we walked on glass and I thought it was extremely cool, but I think this one Portuguese tourist was on the verge of fainting. Poor dude was probably terrified of heights, but why would you even go there in the first place? It was 4,710ft above sea level. It’s weird that I remember that number because my dad only said it once, but yeah.

Tuesday, my parents left that morning, and dropped me off at Ninang Chinky’s house. She told me how much I remind her of my mom, and growing up, I loved being told that I looked like my mom, because I’ve always thought that my mom is so beautiful, but hearing her best friends tell me how much I am ACTUALLY like her all weekend has been one of the most flattering things I’ve heard in a very long time. My mom isn’t perfect, and we’ve had times where downs were a lot more prominent than our ups, but she is such a strong, hardworking, generous, and kind woman, and although there are things I would do differently, I only hope to be half the person she is today. I love her. Anyways, Ninang’s sons were so adorable, Cody drew me a picture, and Justin kept telling me he loves me. I sang for Timmy and he told me I could be a famous singer, and it was the cutest thing :’) FINALLY, this Wednesday. I got home today, after another rocky flight, but nothing much happened, other than the fact that I went to class despite the fact that I was absolutely wiped out from the past couple of days. I just updated my happy memories playlist on spotify, and I want someone to ask me about those songs SOOOO badly because I think I’m trusting (certain) people a lot more now. I used to be very closed in, or at least felt like I was, so even when I was sharing stuff about myself with someone, it didn’t feel like I was so I think that’s why I’ve never really reached that full stage of intimacy with anyone, because self-disclosure has never really been 100% genuine on my behalf. I guess I just never thought that someone would ever be interested in the memories and experiences I’ve had that shaped me to be this way, so ???? Well I mean, I’m not gonna just lay my life out on a silver plate but I think that if someone worthwhile wanted to know me, I can finally let them. Anyways, I’m good now, and I’m tired so all of that was probably stupid rants stuff, so Ena if you are somehow still reading this, thank you, because I don’t know who else would read ALL of this just to check up on me. I am currently cuddling with a puppy and I am so happy and I love you