#i have too many fickifin thoughts about L

[lawlietscaramels]

Can we get Z,T,S and C with L please?

-🌜anon

death note reborn

also hello 🌜 anon! I think your ask is the next one sitting in my inbox and I'm excited to write it :)

I've mentioned it before I believe, but what brings L to a state of zen is rain. And again I'll mention I don't think it actually brings him that sense of calm and belonging unless he's somewhere small. A garden. A driveway. An onsen. I should draw L in rain. He likes the way each single drop of rain is its own individual part of the whole. He likes how they all "work together." He likes the sound. It reminds him of England.

L is terrified of very few things. He has fears, yes, I think he's scared of thunder and also of zombies, and of being unloved and forgotten. which is very likely, nobody noticed that L had died (he's still alive) and Light took over except for people who knew/had been told that he had died. the world only knew him as a detective not even a person and why do I want to make myself cry today, sigh. Anyway. The thing he's number one most afraid of is losing his ability to think and speak and communicate. So any virus that attacks the brain absolutely TERRIFIES him. He lies awake at night thinking about lyssavirus/rabies and listeria and everything else he's heard of (let's be honest L has a weak immune system the common cold could probably kill him). Any brain damage at all, anything related to it, terrifies him.

SEXUALITY & GENDER HEADCANONS LET'S GO,, okay. L usually just tells people it's none of their business, 1) because it's none of their business and 2) because it takes him a while to list it all (he'd go into more detail than I have). L identifies as: arospec (demiromantic), acespec (greysexual) and pan (he thinks from a technical definition he'd be omni, as he has a preference for men, but he prefers the pan label). When asked by someone what his gender is he'll inevitably reply "what the fuck is gender lol" — the wording because he thinks it's funny and the sentiment because he honestly does not care about gender. L is just L. He looks masc because it's just easier to keep going the way he was raised and he accepts he/him pronouns mostly but you could refer to him as anything and he wouldn't care. Would probably be surprised because he's accustomed to being called he/him but would not care. He'd also wear dresses and skirts and whatever if it was a more appropriate choice for the situation or weather n stuff. oops haha I wrote a lot.

Oh boy talking about L and the change questions is gonna be a lot. One of my favourite things to think about is L's inner conflict and how much he wants to change but is at the same time afraid of it. Iirc he mentions in canon that he knows his own methods aren't great but doesn't make any effort to change them. I think the main reason for that is that he's been brought up knowing how unjust the justice system is and being taught that it's okay for him to do bad things if it makes the bad people go away, i.e. the ends justify the means. So he's afraid he won't be as good of a detective if he follows the law he upholds. Watari probably doesn't help very much with that. But L DOES want to be a good person, otherwise he's a hypocrite and creating as many problems as he prevents. As for how he has changed, well, he went from a poor little boy to someone who was told their only purpose was their intelligence and raised to be a brilliant detective at the same time as his own individuality and life was destroyed and that's really sad to me. When I write L I hope to write him learning to be a person outside of his work. once again it's the Rie formula my dear OC there to let me rewrite everything for a happy AU. HELP I wrote even more for that one shhfhfhfnfgn.