#i haven’t listened to a song that isn’t tmbg in over two weeks i think

[instrumental-break]

sorry i haven’t been active i’ve been autisming over they might be giants for the past week

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[synthaphone]

thinkin about stuff

i’m very glad that people are exposing abusive people in music, that is always the highest priority

but dear god its so emotionally taxing to have to, every three weeks or so, go through my music library and delete a different artist’s music because i can’t listen to them anymore without the specter of whatever awful fuckin shit they did looming over it

like, i only had two songs by grimes, and she’s technically not a sexual predator as far as we know, but i can’t fuckin listen to those anymore!!! like, its not a matter of ‘if i listen to these, i will be doing a morally bankrupt thing’, its a matter of ‘i can’t fucking hear these without thinking about how much of a stupid asshole grimes turned out to be’

said goodbye to fall out boy ages ago because of their pedophile bassist

in an incredibly ironic twist, i had just watched that feature length video essay about parasocial relationships, which reminded me that i hadn’t listened to the rest of The Mountain Goats’ Beat the Champ, was enjoying that, and then 5 days later it turns out that the dude emotionally preys upon his young queer fans- cool!!!! i liked a lot of their music for like, a couple years, but now listening to it feels like i’m listening to some creep’s carefully curated trauma in order to garner sympathy and approval from people a third his age!!!! fuck!!!

also i briefly was enjoying that new carseat headrest album, but then there was

the whole shit that went down regarding 4l*ng and discovering that the cr*wcillers person, who Mr. Carseatheadrest is a big fan of, is ALSO a b*byfur

i kept listening to his music after that like ‘well maybe he doesn’t approve??’ but i know that was bullshit- when i found out two weeks later or so that he was an ass about how sufjan stevens’ album about his mother’s death was ‘trying too hard to be sad’, i finally just gave up on his music. the second thing is much smaller than the first, but convinced me that if he’s a dick he probably doesn’t give a shit about the first thing and so now i can’t listen to that album either

i still listen to paul simon/simon & garfunkel occasionally, because the dude is dead, i’ve listened to it since i was very little, and it reminds me of good times i’ve spent with my dad, but he definitely got into physical altercations with at least one of his partners.

my dad also played a lot of moby in the car when he drove me to school as a kid, and i loved that dude’s boring electronic music for a very long time as a result (a few songs in particular i listened to when i went to japan for a week in 9th grade, and listening to them can remind me vividly about that trip), but moby’s an absolute fucking dumbass and i know that his music is widely regarded to be terrible, so that’s hard to listen to as well.

i dunno, i guess it just feels like... i mean, with artists like falloutboy or whatever, i’m REALLY glad that they were called out for what they did, and they deserve to be buried from public consciousness. their songs were often about the subject of that dude’s abuse, its super fucked up, and i’m really glad that we know now. but man, for some of the smaller stuff, i can’t say there isn’t a part of me that envies people who listened to music before the internet, and didn’t have to know every dumbass thing about the stupid people who make it, and when the musicians didn’t have a massive platform that allows them so many opportunities to fuck up publically

anyway, that’s a pretty selfish envy when it comes down to it. a lot of the artists that my brain reacts to like ‘well, if john darnielle and grimes and carseat headrest didn’t have the internet, they maybe never would have had the opportunity to do anything shitty’, are like... people who maybe wouldn’t even be making music or famous in the first place without the internet. or people who would have done shitty things anyway, but we wouldn’t know about it, and then their victims would have maybe never found a way to expose their abusers.

i think i’m just tired, like emotionally. a huge part of me kind of just doesn’t trust musicians (especially dudes) who make ‘deeply personal’ music anymore- like, when does it cross the line from creating media to help yourself and other people who experienced similar things cope, into exploiting other people who are hurting into worshipping and validating you and your pain?

i have a renewed appreciation in TMBG for making mostly character or conceptual songs and keeping a personal distance from their fanbase- i mean, i know they’re not beyond fucking up too, but i’m just so tired. i was so paranoid that when the aquabats made their kickstarter, as much as i’ve loved that band in the past, part of me doesn’t trust them not to fuck up so badly in the future that i’d have to trash all of their music?? i still haven’t donated, either to the first failed one or the relaunch- i’m tempted to, especially since they broke down where they planned to spend all the money they were looking for, but between the fear of betrayal and the fact that i probably shouldn’t be spending much money frivolously right now, its hard to justify it. i want the stickers, especially if any of them feature lil bat, but again: what if they turn out to be awful people?? does the fact that i’m so paranoid about it with the aquabats but not with a lot of other bands i listen to mean i’m on to something, or is that extremely unfair of me??

i need to open commissions and don’t have any excuse for not doing it anymore- i’m honest to god just scared. i’m scared that i’ll either price my artwork too low, or too high, or that i’ll get a commission and discover that i can’t draw what the commissioner wants, or that i’ll mess up the payment process or the taxes involved with doing freelance...

i’ll be honest, i keep doing those centibyte colors because there’s like, a clear end goal. finish all the colors! very simple. don’t know what to do? work on another color!! nothing to worry about, i can zone out and listen to music... but shit like, buying a new laptop, finding a job, opening commissions, personal projects... changing my residency to georgia (i think i missed the driver’s license transfer window and now i’m just... trying not to think about that. denial, heyy)

and i’d be lying if i said a big part of my incentive for making artwork isn’t for validation. one of the problems i have when i consider applying for a job is that i can’t sell myself- i simultaneously KNOW i’m qualified for jobs, like, i’m a fairly talented animator, if inexperienced, and i can draw appealing illustrations and creatures- but my insecurities kind of prevent me from being able to say ‘i’m an illustrator’ or ‘i would be a good fit for your company’. like, i’ve broken down and cried in college on multiple occassions- i really don’t want that to happen at a job??? plus, there aren’t a lot of positions open near me that i’m interested in, or that fit the criteria of what i can do, and combined with my fear to check for new ones...

so posting neopets fanart (or any fanart, really) on the internet is easy validation- i’m obsessed with seeing people enjoy my work, and that’s one of the other reasons i haven’t started my personal project. i want to tell a story, but i really want to tell it for me, without obsessing over how other people will react to it or if other people will like it. i kind of know that it isn’t a very good story?? i just want to put it into physical form, as a sort of emotional fulfillment to myself. i feel like i can only do that if i promise never to post it, but then in the back of my mind, there’s always a voice saying shit like “but if it turns out good... you could eventually post it”, sort of poisoning the whole thing. i haven’t even started. 

i improved so much at art after i started posting my art to the internet in high school, but i do miss how i would just draw and make stuff up for myself and my sisters when i was in middle school. some of my incentive WAS for people to eventually see it and enjoy it, in the case of when i was obsessed with designing toys, or writing a fantasy novel, but that kind of feedback was set in the distant future, and some of it was just for me, or for games i was playing with my sisters and friends. i want to figure out how to make stuff for me again