#i heard one of them say duuuuude just stay a bit longer we just smoked like the fuuuck haha

[girltomboy]

So the decision my bf ended up making was to give up on this semester, study for the next one and get a job in his hometown, save up money to pay his uni debts AND move to the big city next year to finish the rest of his exams. Which is a faulty plan, but at least he didn't fully drop out (a decision for which he gave credit to his friend, who told him not to drop out once, not me or his parents, who have been saying this since forever, but NEVERTHELESS-)

He came over on Thursday to leave some documents at uni, and we spent the weekend together. Our only friend here didn't want to hang out (in reality he was working and we were too lazy to go visit him at work on the other side of the city, but his hostile tone didn't give us many signs of our presence being actually wanted) 🥲 so we ended up going to the house of an old dorm neighbor of my boyfriend's, met his gf and spent an evening there while he ranted about religion. I'm gonna be honest, it was a bit of a shock to me to discover that such people really exist. I mean generally I'm good at wrapping my head around all the different kinds of people who exist in the world, right. I like to believe I'm pretty good at perceiving diverse ideas, personalities, tastes, experiences, etc. outside of my bubble. Right.

Now I don't know what it was, but hearing this guy talk about god and religion in a highly conservative way I haven't even heard my PARENTS talk really shook and scared me a bit. Like he was ranting about immigrants and gays worse than any elderly religious person I've met, and we're talking about a guy who's barely entered his early 20s. Talking about "we have to keep our country clean" when our country has historically never been "clean" in the way he means it, like ever. He proudly told us the story of how he moved out of the dorm because he got paired with a Baptist roommate (a BLACK man too!). Well, according to him it wasn't really the sole reason, but a pretty decisive factor, probably. Anyway, he had a male way of dominating conversations, so fortunately I didn't have to say much (neither did his girlfriend, but he made her wash the dishes, sooo 🤡). But he did put my boyfriend in the spotlight because he mentioned having visited some monasteries with his parents last week. And he casually said it felt pleasant to just be there with his parents, so his friend got activated and started telling him he should do it more often, pray, believe, start reading prayer booklets, etc. He went on all sorts of tangents about how god works in mysterious ways, and suffering is the blessed path. Later on two other dudes showed up (apparently my bf knew them from the dorm too) and they were pretty much as pious as their buddy. So when they arrived, the Christian guy started over and once again centered my boyfriend's beliefs in his rant, and even spoke with his MOM over the phone about how she should take him to church more often, MAKE him pray, MAKE him read prayers, etc. And my boyfriend did not seem to mind, maybe because he was the center of attention during the entire discussion, maybe because they made him explore a topic to which he hadn't given much thought before (although he does describe himself as an atheist, he admitted he felt some sort of inner peace during the monastery visits, which... I kind of understand, but to jump from that simple comment to - YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH NOW, THE LORD IS TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF YOU AND YOU HAVE TO RESPOND TO HIS CALL is a bit 🙄), but EYE was pissed off not just on my own cause my religious trauma was getting activated, but also on his behalf because it seemed to me like they had all cornered him and were pushing him into this whole thing without taking into account his opinion, his wishes, his beliefs AT ALL. And mind you, he was preaching all this stuff while rolling a joint, so if you ask ME, sincerity might not be his strongest suit.

After the religious conversation died down, he started telling an interminable story about some kind of journey he and his girlfriend had (ironically, his girlfriend is also an immigrant, but he probably doesn't consider her as such because of geopolitical reasons 🤡 that's just another slice of his fascism cake). His girlfriend uttered 3 sentences at most, while he bragged about how he organized so many people of so many backgrounds, races, and ethnicities that were traveling with them and became their leader basically. I understood nothing of his story (as much of a chatterbox he is, he sucks at it) but at least we got stoned and my bf suggested we go home after a while. And we had enough time to catch the night bus. On the way home I tried to rant about the religious fella, but we were both too cold and tired, and my boyfriend seemed set not necessarily on defending him, but on finding excuses for him. I guess I get it because they were dorm buddies, and my bf said he didn't use to be so god-crazy before, maybe I got triggered because of my religious past. His talking points were one of the main things that drove me away from organized religions in general. I feel like I shed all traces of respect and inclination towards organized religions, but I kept at least a little bit of spirituality that has nothing to do with them. However, this guy seemed like the polar opposite: all religion but no spirituality, no empathy whatsoever. I mean he wasn't terrible, he was a good host and seemed friendly, affectionate with his gf, generous, overall warm. Until he started talking, that is. 🤪