#i hurt him when i was in the trenches and my delusions surrounding him were fucking atrocious

[batqueers]

“are you sleep” no im not sleep you ran over me with a 16 wheeler

[myselfinserts]

As it had turned out, using Salt Apple without proper strength training resulted in a lot of injuries. Half the villains had gone temporarily deaf, though one suffered some kind of loss in the left ear. Endeavor, who had apparently been called in by the Hero Mither, had his flames go out completely for a moment, before nearly engulfing the entire building due to shock. Mither suffered a slight burn, but was otherwise unharmed, while her sister Taren had a broken leg.

And Aizawa had "pulled a Deku" as the students would call it.

"You truly are the most reckless teacher we have next to All Might, Eraserhead! If you do something that stupid again-"

"I get it. I get it."

Aizawa hadn't meant to break his arms in a hundred different places.  But it wasn't the first time it'd happened. It'd have to be the last time though. He was teetering on the edge like Midoriya in that regard. And the last thing he needed was to show him his future first hand.

Recovery Girl made him stay in the hospital room with Luci at least. That was a silver lining in this horrible situation. Though Amaryllis wasn't doing too well. He was feverish, mumbling in his sleep, and most likely suffering nightmares from the poison.

Aizawa wanted to wake him from the nightmares. Wanted to talk to him. To soothe him. To make amends. But he couldn't with his arms like this. So he had to settle on watching and waiting. Maybe even thinking about what he could say to get Luci to open up.

He had a few words in mind.

Everything was ruined.

He'd just gotten to the altar, arm in arm with Regi as they prepared to say their vows. But instead, Amaryllis found himself in the center of Elspie town square. The bodies of the dead civilians surrounded him.

There was fire.

Blood.

So much blood.

"What do you think of my collection?"

Amaryllis slowly turned around, eyes wide in fear as he saw Spikes sitting on a makeshift throne made of various Hero support items. Around his neck on a chain were masks of many fallen heroes. Renegade's being dead center, sandwiched between L's and Midnight's. He could make out the frames of Mic's sunglasses too. Snipe's mask rested on the belt off to the side. Thirteen's helmet and Power Loader's cover were on top of the throne. Spikes was wearing All Might's silver age cape and Ectoplasm's trench coat.

When did he get to them?!

"You know," Spikes cackled. "I'm so looking forward to taking your mask too." He slowly stepped down from the throne, reaching into his pocket. "I think I'll wear this one while I do it. It's my very favorite, you know."

Amaryllis was shaking, crying, begging to be let out of this nightmare.

Spikes pulled out a pair of yellow goggles, slipping them on over his sickly grey eyes with a sneer.

"Let's play, Amaryllis."

"NO!!!"

When Luci woke up it was the middle of the night. The room was dark, with only the moon to light the way. He was sweating, shivering from fear. He had no idea what happened, but he didn't care. He had to go find-

"Hey. Did you know I'm a big mistake?"

Aizawa was in the bed next to his, laying there with his arms wrapped rightly in double casts. He looked like he'd been to hell and back. Or maybe that was because Luci couldn't think clearly. He'd only just woken up from-

Wait a minute.

"What happened to Delusion?" he asked. "And what the fuck happened to your arms?"

"We caught him," Aizawa assured. "I had to borrow your tuning fork to do it."

"I see." Luci wanted to ask more, but he was too tired. And frankly? Too upset. He didn't want Aizawa involved to begin with. This was supposed to be his time to reflect. To decide if he wanted him back into his life.

And yet, having him here made him feel happy.

"What did you mean by big mistake?" he asked.

Aizawa stifled a laugh. "My name is written with the characters for 'eraser' and 'fat' or 'big'. So it's fat eraser. Something that's needed to erase big mistakes." He paused, his gaze softening. "My parents had a sick sense of humor. I wonder if they saw me as a big mistake, so might as well name me that."

"Better than Mallory Sidero," Luci muttered. "Aizawa is a grand name on its own. I wasn't even allowed a chance with something like that. I got saddled with 'bad luck evil nymph' and packed away on a boat because of my quirk. Because I'm a curse. An evil bad luck charm. And people actually thought it was true. They outright told me that's why I was named that. And the worst part? Sometimes they were right. People get hurt or worse because of me."

Aizawa stared at him for a moment but said nothing.

"You know what they say. Names are power. Give someone your name and they have control. A name gives you a certain energy. An aura that controls your surroundings. So make sure it's one you're okay with sharing. So the first chance I got, I picked the furthest thing from Mallory Sidero I could think of. I picked 'light' and 'oak grove'. Lucien Adaire isn't some curse. He's just...just another Hero...Just another face in the crowd. I just...want to be another face in the crowd. That’s why I don’t tell people. Why my records are locked."

"Luci-"

"I don't want that hanging over me! I don't want the control that name has over me anymore! I don’t want my past to decide my present anymore!"

Shouting like that was a mistake. His throat hurt now. The fever was telling him to sleep, but his heart was screaming to keep talking. To stay awake. He just didn't care anymore.

"So what?"

Luci stared at Aizawa, taken aback at his question. "What do you mean 'so what'?"

"Names don't matter, Luci. Actions do."

Luci sat up, about ready to shout. "What do you know about that?! You have no idea what I-"

"You're right," he interrupted. "I have no idea what you’ve been through. Not really. And I never got to hear you tell me about it, and I never got the chance to tell you about me. And that's because I screwed up and didn’t wait to hear it from you like I promised."

Luci looked at him, confused. Was this the same Aizawa from a few nights ago?

"So what if your quirk got you a bad name in the past?" Aizawa asked.  "That's the past. I don't care if you're "unlucky evil nymph" or "shining oak grove" or whatever. I don't care about all the bad stuff you had to do. The Mask Collector, Wolfsbane, the shipwreck? I don't care about those things. I care that you're here now, trying to be a good person." He sat up, and in the light of the moon, Luci could just make out the tears in his eyes. "You're a Hero, Luci. And a damn better friend than I deserve." 

Luci swore he'd gotten a case of déjà vu. He'd heard those words somewhere before. From a very familiar technonaut. 

Why does Shouta sound like Regi?

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Aizawa concluded. "Hell, I wouldn't forgive me either. But...if you'll have me, I'd...I'd like to be friends again." He let out a soft, half hearted chuckle. "If you want a big mistake for a friend."

Luci closed his eyes and pondered for a moment. "No, I don't want a big mistake for a friend."

Aizawa tried, and failed, not to look heartbroken. "I see..."

"I want Shouta Aizawa as a friend." He opened his eyes and laughed at the bewildered look on Aizawa's face. "You're not a mistake, Zawa-bear. Dense. Thick headed. Socially inept at times. And way too sneaky for your own good, I swear. You’re an idiot, Shouta. But a mistake? Never." Before Aizawa had a chance to process and respond, Luci stepped forward, wrapping his arms around him as gently as he could. "Things won't be the same but...I'm willing to build new bridges if you're up for crossing those rivers."

Aizawa smiled, resting his head in the crook of Luci's neck. "I'm up for that."

Luci could feel his skin dampen from the tears that definitely weren’t coming from Aizawa. They’d have to talk more, for sure. But for now? For now Luci was content just holding him.

“By the way,” he teased, “I still can’t believe you pulled a Deku.”

“I will use your crook against you,” Aizawa warned. 

“Keep telling yourself that, Zawa-bear.”

[miss-agent-e-15-jedi]

Chapter Three

When I opened my eyes again, my surroundings had gained a blurry, light bluish hue. I blinked a few times, but my vision did not improve; during the blinking, I was forcing my eyelids shut, and a rough, unpleasant, fluid-like sensation filled my corneas. I felt lighter than air and exposed; I no longer felt my clothing layers crusted on my skin. The warmth that surrounded and penetrated me seemed to have slowed my heart significantly to the point where I could feel each steady beat pounding hard against my chest. It didn’t hurt though; actually, it felt wonderful. Every bit of my pain was gone.

I backed into a smooth, glass texture, and then involuntarily glanced up. I became completely conscious of my nostrils being pinched shut and that I would only be able to breathe through my mouth through some kind of apparatus—because I was submerged in a bacta tank. Slowly but surely, my previously crooked memory began to straighten itself out; I could see Old Ben out in the snow, and I remembered his instructions to go to a place called Dagobah and see a certain someone. Someone called Yoda, a Jedi Master, if I wasn’t mistaken. Suddenly everything became as clear to me as if I’d experienced these events just a few minutes ago, instead of the night before.

I was just starting to think again, particularly about who had rescued me and why the voice in the snow—not that of Old Ben, but that of my rescuer—had sounded so familiar, when I felt myself being gently pulled upward back to the surface.

*  *  *

The air in the recovery room was brisk, but it felt so good to be breathing real air again, not to mention being in full command of my mind and senses once more. As thin as it was, the white medical gown that I wore offered amazing protection against the cool atmosphere; the smoothness of its soft fibers left my skin walking on air. I furrowed my brow slightly and got a hint of the crusted scars on my face.

A moment later, I was met by the beautiful princess and senator from the erstwhile world Alderaan. She looked as beautiful as always; she was smiling, which was something I really didn’t get to see her do every day considering the heavy burden of responsibility she bore every day. An immaculately polished crown braid encircled her head, which, along with the white jumpsuit and vest she was wearing, emphasized her beauty as well as her importance in the alliance.

She leaned by the cot I was resting on and said, “The bacta’s growing real well. The scars ought to be gone in a day or so.”

Her hand stroked my cheek, and she then asked, “Does it hurt?”

With a small, sheepish smile, I told her, “Nah, I’m fine.”

I hesitated for a moment, reflecting on the apparition I’d seen in the snow and the instructions I’d been given.

“Leia,” I spoke up. She brushed her fingers through my hair. “When I was out in that storm, I…I uh…”

“I was real worried,” she answered before I could finish.

I just looked at her. “You were worried?”

After a slight chuckle, I wondered for a second how best to express what I was going to say before she interrupted.

“Got me thinking, you know,” I continued. “I might never get the chance…”

With a sigh, I went back to conjuring up a good way to phrase what I wanted to tell her. She became eager; I could feel her gaze boring down on me. She then begged, “What? Tell me.”

At that moment, our eyes met again, and the both of us were at a loss for words. She was so beautiful, the way she inched her face towards mine. I was waiting for us to make contact when I was interrupted by a familiar beeping.

Artoo rolled in, followed by his tall, golden, humanoid companion, See-Threepio.

“Master Luke Sir, it’s so good to see you fully functional again!” Threepio exclaimed jovially.

“Thanks, Threepio,” I mumbled. 

Artoo beeped and whistled a little more, and Threepio translated, “Artoo expresses his relief also.”

Leia sighed, and then told me, “You relax now. I’ll be back later.”

As she turned to leave, I suddenly remembered what I’d meant to tell her before our moment had been interrupted. Almost involuntarily, I called out, “Leia!”

She turned back to me hastily, and the eager look on her face returned.

Casually, I said to her, “I have to go away for a while.”

The effect of this simple sentence was the last reaction I’d expected from her. The glare that came onto her face could’ve incinerated an entire fleet of imperial fighters. Her eyes turned colder than Hoth could ever get.

“What!?” she snapped fiercely. “Where are you going?”

Reluctantly I responded, “To another system. It’s not far from here.”

The last part didn’t ease her indignation one bit.

“That’s great,” Leia nodded sarcastically, flaring her arms and slapping her hips. “That’s just great! Why doesn’t everybody just take off?!”

A tinge of guilt sat inside me; I hadn’t meant to make her angry or more stressed out than she probably already was. At the same time, I was also confused. Hoth was a safe hiding place for the rebels, and I was certain the empire wouldn’t find us here, considering how devoid of life this system was. Besides, I wouldn’t be gone forever; I would be back for the alliance. It really wasn’t something to get so upset about. Well, that was probably easy for me to say because I didn’t have a whole galaxy of responsibilities; she was a princess after all.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, hoping to find some way to calm her down.

“First Han! Now you!” she hollered, and then exhaled heavily. “When am I gonna learn not to count on anyone but myself?”

No wonder Leia was so angry about me leaving. Without me, she would now be short of TWO recruits. 

“I didn’t know he was leaving.” That was the truth.

Leia pointed her finger at me and shouted, “You know, I was getting along fine before I met you two moon jockeys!”

You wouldn’t be snapping at me right now if you hadn’t met us “moon jockeys” I thought. If you really were “getting along just fine” you’d still be rotting in your cell on the Death Star. I pushed my indignant thoughts aside and told her, “Calm down. Tell me about Han.”

She hanged her head and sighed. “He’s gotta pay off that criminal he’s in hock to.”

Blast! I thought. Han’s still in debt!? In spite of the ridiculous reward we gave him on Yavin? Why hadn’t he taken care of it sooner?

“Jabba the Hutt?” I commented.

She ignored what I said and snapped in an icy, hushed whisper, “You know, I could get more loyalty if I went down the hall and recruited some of those ice creatures!”

“Ice creatures! Here?” I wondered in surprise.

Threepio spoke up. “Oh yes, sir. But they’re being trapped, rather cleverly.”

A second later, the captain of the Millennium Falcon and his Wookie co-pilot came in.

“How ya feelin’, Kid?” he grinned as Chewie growled a greeting and grasped a corner of the cot. “You don’t look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark.”

It occurred to me why the first voice I’d heard in the snow after Obi-Wan had vanished sounded so familiar; the source of it, who also happened to be my rescuer, was right in front of me.

“Thanks to you,” I answered gratefully.

Han held up two fingers in front of my face, saying, “That’s two you owe me, Junior.”

I just giggled at that. Despite the greedy part of him that was a mercenary, I did owe Han something. After all, this wouldn’t mark the first time my life had been saved because of him. Had he not had a change of heart and shot down the fighters in the Death Star trench, then I was as good as space rubble.

He then turned his attention to the princess. This wasn’t going to be good; of that I was certain.

Casually he teased, “Well, Your Worship, looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer.”

Haughtily, Leia retorted, “I had nothing to do with it. General Rieekan thinks it’s dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we’ve activated the energy field.”

Unfazed, Han pridefully answered, “That’s a good story. I think you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight.”

Really, Han? I thought, shaking my head. Don’t talk to her that way! She’s already got enough of her plate and I made a mistake of adding more to it.

Unexpectedly, Leia’s tone was calm. “I don’t know where you get your delusions, laser-brain,” she replied sternly.

Chewbacca barked a slight laugh at the sound of Leia’s insult. Han turned his gaze to his co-pilot and reproached, “Laugh it up, Fuzzball. But you didn’t see us alone in the south passage.” He put an arm around Leia as a cocky grin lit up his face. “She expressed her true feelings for me,” he added, and began to slowly inch away from her.

“My…” Leia hesitated, and her tone grew angrier and louder with each word that followed. “Why you stuck up…half-witted…scruffy-looking…NERF-HERDER!”

I shared in Leia’s rage immensely. I wanted to say something to Han for treating her the way he had, but I couldn’t think of anything verbal that would slap the prideful sneer off his face. However, I soon realized that there would be no need for any verbal slapping. The pride in his expression had been replaced with a scornful glance.

“Who’s scruffy-looking?” snapped Han.

Leia said nothing in reply, clenching her jaws and staring her cold eyes at Han; her wrath was so great I felt it gnawing at my heart inside. I had to hold my tongue, because Ben had warned me about anger and how it leads to the dark side. Shouting at Han would help nothing; in fact, it would only make the situation worse, I was sure.

He turned his attention back to me, but I kept silent and wouldn’t look at him. I had to shut him out of my mind, to focus on something else. Maybe I should focus on making Leia feel better, I thought to myself. That is, as soon as Han leaves the room.

“I must’ve hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?” he said. I kept my attention focused on Leia; my emotions slowly but surely began to wane.

She then came between me and Han, sighing, “Why, I guess you don’t know everything about women yet.” I knew right away who the target was for that last statement.

My face was suddenly cupped deeply in Leia’s hands, and before I could react, her lips met mine. I felt peaceful again for a moment, the way I’d felt before I’d unintentionally upset her with my intent on leaving. I closed my eyes, mesmerized, and seized the moment, let her touch fill me up…

The moment was over as quickly as it began. She released me, and I watched as she scurried out of the room. Chewie barked lowly. A voice over a loudspeaker boomed, “Headquarters personnel, report to command center.” I barely heard either sound because I was so dumbstruck inside. I leaned back, resting my hands behind my head. I was about to let my mind wander when Han suddenly gestured me a farewell. I heard the command in the intercom a second time, and he then indifferently said, “Take it easy,” and left.

“Excuse us, please,” Threepio told me ever so politely.

I sat up and watched with curiosity as he and Artoo followed the star captain and the Wookie in Leia’s direction.

Stay tuned for Chapter Four!