#i just counted All Those Flowers dot png

[recapitulation]

[ID: gifs from episode four of the series “Love Between Fairy and Devil.” Orchid and Dongfang Qingcang are standing facing each other in Arbiter Hall. Orchid says, “Well, I’m just an ordinary plant. No one takes my words seriously. Since my master left to go traveling, no one cared about me. So you don’t have to...” She trails off and Dongfang Qingcang stares at her blankly. /end ID]

[bitchassbucky]

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Word Count: 1.4k

Warning/s: toxic relationship dynamics, dark!bucky x dark!reader, stalking, coercion and lying, manipulative tendencies, injuries and blood mention, food was mentioned for a bit

A/N: WE ARE GETTING THERE, BABES WHEW OKAY

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A month had passed since your not-date date had happened. You tried to forget the rest of the day, only focusing on how he looked and talked to you that day. How he smiled, trying to play off the ‘cool guy’ narrative.

You suddenly grew cold, noticing how your conversations became sparse—dry in between. Fewer texts and long waits. It made you nervous, sad, and a little bit annoyed. You barely see him around the office too—has Bucky been avoiding you?

His office is a bit out of the way for you to accidentally stumble in, anyway; the days you’re in the office were unsynchronized. Would it count as a punishable offense if you mess up with your company-approved laptop?

Saying you missed Bucky is an understatement: the bottle of cologne that smells like him sits empty on your dresser. The pictures you took of him taped loosely on your corkboard. Bits and pieces of papers he gave you tacked on it haphazardly.

Can someone die from loneliness?

Is this what being in love feels like?

Suffocating, consuming, your chest feels heavy, and your stomach is in knots.

—

Another month, another throng of employees needing new passwords. There are literal posters around the floor reminding everyone to use a password manager. Bucky can’t believe that he has to work with idiots around him. When he took up computer science as a major in college, he imagined himself hacking into… government intel, or something. Not looking after dimwits that don't know how to install an update.

His text messages are red with notifications—bank updates, deliveries, and you.

For some reason, Bucky can’t bring himself up to return your messages. Hi’s, hey’s, and how are you’s littered his text chain. Is he a bad person for not replying back? He can always just make up an excuse, right?

When you told him that you liked him, kissed him like you meant it, his fondness dispersed into thin air. The easy is never worthy and the worthy is never easy, as his father told him.

A ding from his phone brought him forth, another text from you: coming up right now, can we talk?

Now, he can’t come up with an excuse.

—

Bucky heard you before you come in, knocking on his door like the first time you met.

He clears his throat, calling out a come in! before rolling back from his cluttered desk. Tickets were few and far in between, he knows he can spare you at least 20 minutes but he just doesn’t want to.

“Hey,” you said, your head poking into his office. You weren’t entirely sure why you came up here in the first place, you really, really, really just wanted to see him again.

Bucky chuckles, pulling the door open for you. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

You breathe out a little, shaking the feeling sinking deep inside your stomach, “yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.” Stepping into his office, you eye his desk. He’s been busy. Papers and files are piling up on the left side of his desk, half of his setup is covered with those post-it notes. Several mugs littered his small space.

Huh, “Sorry, I can come back some other time.”

Turning on your heel, you pivot a little to grab the door when Bucky grabs your upper arm, “don’t go—”

He realizes the implications if someone were to see the two of you and so he lets go, much to your discomfort. You face him, either way, you’re sure he’s not gonna let you go that easily.

“Sorry, it’s just- I missed you.”

And there it was. I missed you.

He was thinking about you.

He was thinking about you.

He was thinking about you.

He was thinking about you.

He was thinking about you.

“I was just gonna drop off some files… But,” you rake your brain for a coherent train of thought, “I missed you too.”

A smile of relief overcomes Bucky’s features, his eyes crinkling just the way you like. His steely blue eyes hidden beneath his lashes.

“I have uh, a thing later… Dinner with friends—do you wanna come?” You make a show of peering over his shoulder and onto his desk, “unless you’re busy?”

“I’d love to come.” He says, tucking his pointer finger underneath your chin, flicking it forward so you’d look at him, “what time is it?”

“Come by around seven. I’ll text you my address.”

Bucky doesn’t need your address. He already came a dozen times by your building, trying to build up the nerve to knock on your door and kiss you silly. Like in those movies you watch late at night.

But he’s conflicted, no?

Are you really as good as they come?

—

At six-thirty, you already sent the text: take the east street, beige apartment block. I’m on the third floor, second door to your right. :)

At six-fifty five, Bucky’s already there, his car idling on the sidewalk. He’s… nervous. Why is he nervous? It’s just dinner. A small get-together with friends. Speaking of friends, he didn’t see any unfamiliar cars parked on the block. Maybe it’s not work friends?

Letting out a sigh, Bucky fetches the small bouquet of flowers and wine he brought, just in case. He doesn’t wanna be the only one showing up empty-handed.

On the dot, Bucky knocks on your door. He plasters on his best smile as you open the way, revealing yourself.

God, you look gorgeous. Why did he stop hanging out with you in the first place?

Oh, right.

“Aw, flowers and wine? You’re too sweet!” You chirp out, stepping out of the way to let him into your apartment. Taking the gifts from his hands, you put them away while Bucky busies himself checking out your place.

It’s weird seeing your place in real life. Bucky noted the hint of lavender in the air, coupled with a smidge of coffee brewing. He’s so used to seeing parts of it but not everything-everything. He careens his neck to look down the hallway, catching a glimpse of your bedroom.

“If you’re lucky, you can see it tonight.” A peal of boisterous laughter comes out of you, lightly kicking his foot with yours, “I’m kidding. It’s off-limits for visitors, sorry.”

“Right…” Bucky looks around, shifting his weight from the balls of his feet up to his toes. “Am I too early? I can help you set the table.” The table is halfway finished and you’re stirring in cheese into a sauce. Roux, perhaps.

“No, it’s okay…” You trail off, lowering the heat before facing Bucky, “I lied.”

“What?”

“There’s no dinner—I mean, there is. Just not with friends.” You bite your lip, looking down on your shoes before tearing your gaze away from the floor to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“You lied? Why- why would you lie about that?” Annoyance and frustration all seep out near the surface. His jaw ticking as he gritted his teeth.

“Are you mad?”

“Are you mad?” Bucky asks back in a mocking tone, bringing his fist down the dinner, “you—you’re crazy. I knew it, I knew you’re crazy. Lying about dinner and what, trying to get me alone? Jesus, what--” He lets out a mirthless laugh, the one that sends chills down your spine.

You stood there, frozen at your spot. You’re hurt. He called you crazy. He called you crazy when he’s the one who spied on you for weeks on end.

When he’s the one who watches you at night.

When he’s the one who left those notes on your desk.

The one who sent those texts and left calls and voicemails.

“Fuck you.” Your words rang empty as Bucky walked out of the kitchen in long strides. The dinner long forgotten.

You calmly watch him turn the doorknob open, failing when the adjacent locks prevent him from opening the door. Two deadbolts and a chain lock. Never would you have thought that the threat would be coming inside your home.

“I’d think twice before leaving without dinner.”

—

Bucky stirs awake. The sound of cutlery on plates grating on his nerves. His head is throbbing. His right temple feels tight and tender, there’s something hard and crusty covering the right side of his face. He can suddenly feel the weight of his left arm, leaning over to compensate for the sudden pain.

He wasn’t aware that he had closed his eyes; the lights suddenly glaringly bright.

Right, the dinner.

The dinner?

Wasn’t he supposed to—

“Thank fuck. I thought you were dead.”

God, he hopes he is.

[sakamichidiary]

What's Your Favorite Flower~?🌸 It's Matsuda Konoka (^^)

Member: Matsuda Konoka Source: Second generation Hiragana Keyakizaka46 blog Post date: 2017/12/16 17:36

It's been a while☺. Ah, I think most people know by now, but we can now use emoji [in our blogs]😚. It's Konoka Matsuda, the 3rd year high schooler from Kyoto prefecture! Boom! The four frame picture I posted last time was well received, so I'm doing it again this time! (lol) For the two pictures on top, I thought the sleeves on my clothes looked cute, so I took the pictures in a way that I could show them! For the bottom two pictures, if I had to say which pose it was, it'd be the natto pose! (lol) It's a pose I made up during the SHOWROOM auditions. At that time, I used both of my hands to make circles, but that's something ya can't do when you're trying to take a selfie~ So I tried to do it using only one hand and was able to do it! (lol) Everyone, please try doing it too (ᐛ)٩ Well then, it's my second turn at the relay-style blog. Once every 9 days feels like it comes too slowly and too quickly🙃 Maybe that's because I'm on the side that has to do the writing? (lol) For those who are waiting, this is something that probably doesn't apply (lol) It'll be long sentences from now on~ Please don't fall asleep halfway😪😳 (lol) It occurred on the 12th and 13th. Was there anyone who was able to go?? We 2nd gen members were able to appear in it! We had our self-introduction corner and for the 2nd gen members, we performed our first ever song. For all 20 members of Hiragana Keyaki too, it was the first time we were able to perform "NO WAR in the future" together! For the self-introduction corner, I did a call and response where I asked "What's your favorite flower~?" and the crowd answered "Konoka!" My name is written with the kanji for "like (好き)" and "flower (花)", so the response is made so that fans can remember my name as well as the kanji! Were you able to remember my name? (lol) All we wanted to do for the self-introduction and the dance was to have a good showing. We all wholeheartedly practiced hard in order to achieve that. However, during the first day, I got hit by stage fright and messed up in a part where I usually never mess up... But I used this frustration as a source of motivation for the second day, and was able to do everything perfectly! I feel like I've gotten used to the stage a little bit more, so I'll give it my best to not have stage fright next time. For the Hiragana Nationwide Tour, the 1st gen members performed throughout the country, and it culminated here at Makuhari Messe. We wondered if it was okay for us freshly admitted 2nd gen members to intrude in the tour, or whether we deserved to have our first concert stage be in such a grand venue. But once we appeared on stage, and were cheered on by so many people, we also felt that we couldn't lose [to the 1st gen]. Once our turn was done, we watched the 1st gen's performance on the monitors backstage the whoooooooole time. We were completely exhausted after having sung and danced just one song, but the 1st gen members didn't show any signs of fatigue even once, were smiling from the beginning until the end, and were able to hit all the right notes at the high points where it really counted. I was deeply moved by all of that. In particular, from Kumi-san's wonderful speech until the end of "W-KEYAKIZAKA no Uta", I was a crying fountain that couldn't be stopped... Everyone was bawling😭 We also gave it our all and worked hard for the concert, to the point where we could cry. You must be totally tired from having read all those sentences, so it'll be picture time now🤳 First up is Nobuko (Tomita)!! For her self-introduction, Nobuko did a perfectly executed rap for 30 seconds. But behind this, she put in an incredible amount of effort, and had practiced over and over again. She said it herself, but there are really two sides to this hard worker: the diligent girl and the party-goer! Next up is Hina (Kawata)!! I was surprised when I learned that she was in her first year of high school (lol). I thought she was a little younger (lol).Since we're both from the countryside clan, we often talk together when we're at hotels and stuff. Hina likes to be dotted on. I really love her smile~😚 In the countryside clan, there's Hiyo-tan (Hamagishi), Hina (Kawata), Nao (Kosaka) and myself (Matsuda). Hiyo-tan and Hina are super lively, so me and Nao gently look over them😌. But according to the other members, I'm supposedly funny, so I sometimes join them and goof off too (lol) There are still people who haven't realized it yet but... People may think that I'm serious and diligent from my first blog, but I also love to party it up too😚 So I want to talk with everyone soon at handshake events~🙌🏻 I'm not a morning person at all😪😴 I'm someone who can't wake up without a cellphone's alarm (lol) Without the ringing of an alarm bell, I can't wake up⏰ I'll keep on introducing myself this way next time too! This is the 5th single's dress! It's cute and I like it😍 You can't put on this dress by yourself, so everyone helps each other with the buttons!! I wanted to post this in my previous blog, but I kinda forgot about it (lol) I'm changing topics now, but recently, I got the results of my final exams... I got horrible grades on the subjects that I thought I would do well on, so I got depressed. I know I didn't study enough, but even if I realize that, it's still painful (lol). This is a case where I should've put in more effort beforehand😂 I'd like to try my best and make "doing in advance" my motto from now on🧐 I'll end it here! Next up will be Manamo😚 She's the older sister whose favorite plush toy is a tonkatsu👧🏻1 This was Matsuda Konoka, today's person in charge! This is quite an old picture, from before I cut my hair. It's from about four months ago! (lol) My next post will be on December 25th! It'll be on Christmas Day🎄 How will everyone spend that special day~? See you later( ᐛ )٩و #2

Tonkatsu is breaded and deep-fried pork cutlet. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonkatsu ↩︎