#i just have to pee oh my GOFORBEGHDBSVSHFJF

[pepprs]

im not feelin 2 Happy rn for a lot of diff reasons and i wanna vent abt it But i feel like a headass venting on finsta so im gonna do it here sorry this is gross and bad but im tired and feeling bad abt myself and need 2 yell abt it publicly for some reason lmao!

i invited a friend from school to stay over for thanksgiving bc she’s an exchange student and didn’t have anywhere 2 go for the holiday and i love her and love spending time with her but im so tired and drained from it and im so awkward and mad @ myself bc i can’t relax and stuff and my mom keeps makin digs @ me abt bein awkward in front of her and i BFNFBSBFBG D bbbdbf it’s not good??? i mean i thik shes having a good time but im so worn out bc we Never have had a friend sleep over before?? and she’s staying an extra night tonight which was……. unexpected and it’s Fine but Fuck i am Mentally Tired and our upstairs toilet is broken rn but i can’t use the one downstairs bc it’s Her Bathroom and djfjsjtkksjektkr fuck i have to pee and idk what to DO im distressed! also i have to be on mega polite mode until we drop her off tmrrrw morning and my introverted ass just wants to lay down and die!!!! this is why i can’t maintain any friendships i just get so tired and people probably hate me for it i hate myself i hate being antisocial and reclusive and withdrawn and Terrible So so so much!!!!!! Fuck!!!

i didn’t do any sort of thanksgiving post or anything or even like. Tell Anyone I Am Grateful For Them and i feel like shit abt it. and honestly? thanksgiving didn’t even really feel like thanksgiving this year. bc we normally watch the Macy’s parade and then go have thanksgiving @ the fire station and this year i slept through the parade and then we got my friend and went to someone else’s house and we didn’t even say what we were thankful for and it didn’t feel like thanksgiving at all and im sad about ita like it was Good but it wasn’t…. thanksgiving. and nothing is the same anymore bc we’re in college now and all the magic is gone and im real sad abt it and i can’t stop thinking abt it

also i haven’t checked social media for like 2 days bc of my friend staying over and i checked it for the first time tonight andn everyone is posting all over Facebook and Instagram abt who and what they’re thankful for and i didn’t do that and now i feel really guilty and also Bad bc everyone looks like they had a great thanksgiving and mine was just stressful bc we had 2 prepare for my friend and i just jfdnsndkfbsbfnbsbfng? also i I have like 43 unanswered emails and 39588284847284 text messages and im SO!!!! STRESSED!!! OUT!!!! and i have an essay i have to work on this weekend and we didn’t even get a break bc my friend came over and dnnsbdjfkskrjtkdjf idk im so exhausted and mad @ myself rn fuck!

this kid i went 2 high school with unadded me on snap a few weeks ago for some reason (after i wished him a happy bday and he replied thank u??? and hen i saw he had unadded me and i was ?????) and today e posted smth on his story like “if i unadded u on snap i did it for a reason 😛” BUT IDK WHAT I DID AND MY HEADASS FEELINGS ARE HURT FJSJJFJFKSKF!!!!!! imI a Baby also he and my twin sis had a streak @ some point and he broke it but they were good friends or smth and apparently he told her he didn’t like me or smth last year and i???? Didn’t know This until she told me abt it just today and idk. I mean I don’t care abt him or what he thinks of me rly but im sad and tired and Numb and im scared i did something offensive and he has a reason 2 hate me or smth fnfebtkrjidk!!

we saw coco today (IT WAS SO GOOD) and i was sitting next 2 my friend and i teared up a few times but i didn’t let myself cry next 2 her and im ashamed of myself bc i wanted to but i held back and then felt like a stone hearted Idiot bc everyone else was crying lol!!

pocket camp has slowed down a lot for me which is Really frustrating like i can’t do anything c im out of crafting materials and it’s kinda systematic rna Nd imSO SAD bc i was so excited for it and now everything seems the same and i fucking knew it wouldn’t last im so upset an angry with myself for playing all day on the first day bc now im so far ahead hat i can’t do anything until i get more materials and i just feel like an idiot i was so excited and. Now I Am Stuck and i just gnsnfnsndj.

also ok i haven’t told anyone this and i don’t wanna jinx anything by typing it but ive been having…. i guess u could callit an intrusive thought but it’s more like i can’t stop thinking abt this thing that im afraid of happening???? and the thought keeps coming back @ the worst times and normally i can rationalize w myself to get myself 2 stop being scared but lately ive been really anxious abt it and rationalizing is Not Working and it’s nagging @ me (esp when we drive bc That’s Where It Comes From) and ive been rly on edge abt it lately and idk. Idk abt anything i just am not feelin good rn and idk what’s wrong with me but im tired and stressed and i have to PEE and i just snfndnbdjdjjfjdhjeejr god im so sick of myself lmao. anyways sorry for venting i always feel self conscious abt doing it bc ppl will judge me for it and als o i can’t do a readmore or anything on mobile so this is all Right Here but yeah. fuck