#i know the idea behind those silicone dolls is sex and all

[shukuchiisms]

~~

[terminallydepraved]

Welcome Home: Chapter 1

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“This looks really nice on you.”

Nines blinked slowly, fidgeting a little as Connor yanked the straps tight, fastening the corset into place. “Does it?” he murmured, unable to really tell. He watched them both in the mirror, taking in the outfit in its entirety.

It certainly was… different for him. A lot of exposed skin, a lot of tight fabric and stiff, lace-trimmed panels. The black leather underbust clung to his torso tightly, flaring over his hips in dark ribbons and straps that didn’t seem to serve any purpose beyond making movement more restrictive. The tight briefs beneath showed off his bare legs, and the black leather collar gave the illusion that his neck was longer than it actually was. Every move of his head made the small charm hanging from the ring jingle softly.

Connor peered around his shoulder, looking at him in the mirror. “It does,” he verified, finishing the last strap quickly enough. “Does it feel too tight?”

Nines shrugged. He lifted his arms a little and noted that he couldn’t breathe as deeply as he normally might. But that wasn’t any cause for alarm. Breathing was just cosmetic after all. “It’s rather restrictive,” he admitted, lowering his arms slowly. “But I seem to still have a full range of motion regardless.”

“That’s good. I think we can consider that part of the list completed.” Connor brushed past him, reaching for the boxes he’d pulled from the shelves of the sex shop just before they entered the changing rooms. “But I wonder if we’re doing enough,” he murmured, hefting a box to scan the writing on the front. “Have you ever tried introducing fetishes or kinks into your routine with Gavin?”

“Hmm. There was an incident with a watermelon once, but it probably doesn’t count. So, no,” Nines said, crossing his arms as he waited. That had been the entire reason he’d contacted Connor about this at all. Connor had more experience with the Lieutenant, and even if it was only by a handful of months, it was still experience all the same. “Have you?”

Connor looked at him for a moment… but then turned his head down and kept scanning the box. “Nothing that involved purchasing anything from an establishment like this,” he said passively, handing a box to Nines while he picked up another one. “I was a little surprised you asked me to take off the day with you to come here; this is my first time in a sex shop too.”

Nines took the box in hand, peering at the contents with a critical eye. “I felt you were best suited to assist me,” he murmured, opening the top of the box to pull out one of the soft, artificial ears. It sported nodes at the bottom, perfect for connecting into biometric inputs. “It’s unlikely I’d accomplish anything of note should I ask Gavin.”

“And that would ruin the surprise too,” Connor said, turning once he’d selected his own box for himself. The smile he wore went well with the lingerie set he’d picked out for himself. The soft, sheer blue of the baby doll top matched his LED perfectly, the black bra and panty set a stark contrast through the see-through tull. “I think as far as kinkplay goes, this is a good start. From what you’ve shared with me about Gavin, I think he will respond to it very well.”

“And what kink is that?” Nines asked, watching Connor pull his own set of dusty brown ears from the box and attach them to his head. They chimed to life instantly, flicking left and right and glowing softly from the inner ear panels within. When Connor smiled, they perked upwards.

“Petplay,” he said confidently. “This box is a basic starter kit. Specifically, an accessories upgrade for androids.”

Nines looked at the box and then at the ear he still held in his hand. Unlike Connor’s brown, this one was a smokey grey flecked with white. The box boasted the model name Huskie, so he assumed they were aiming for different dog breeds with each kit. “And the Lieutenant will be receptive to this as well?” he wondered, going ahead and following Connor’s lead with the ears. He connected them to his head easily enough, his mind palace instantly downloading the necessary program to run them in collaboration with his biometrics. They whirled to life a few seconds later, casting a soft blue light that seemed to go well with his eyes when he chanced a look in the mirror.

Connor’s LED cycled yellow. “I’m not certain,” he admitted, taking in Nines’s ears. “Hank has a dog and is very vocal about liking dogs. Whether or not that extends to this…”

He trailed off, giving a little shrug. “Even if he isn’t fond of the accessories, there’s more to petplay than just that. He might be more receptive to those parts of it.”

Nines frowned a little. “But what if he isn’t?” It’d been nagging him since he got the idea in his head to surprise Gavin with something like this. What if it wasn’t well received? “What do you do if he doesn’t like any part of it?”

Understanding filtered through Connor when he reached out and touched his fingers to Nines’s wrist. “Then you just smile and ask what he would rather do,” he said simply. Connor smiled, a soft, closed-lip expression that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Like this,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “It’s easy.”

Nines raised a brow, taking in the angles used to make such an expression. The force of the contraction, the furrowing of the brow to achieve a similar sort of effect around the eyes… He looked at Connor and tilted his head to the side, giving his best facsimile of the smile to him. “Like this?”

“Well… No, not quite.” Connor brought a hand to his chin, changing his face into a tight, uncomfortable grimace. “This is what you look like,” he said, hardening his eyes for good measure. “You’re trying too hard, I think. Gavin likes you, so there’s no need to be so intense. But then again…” He trailed off a little, smiling at Nines pleasantly. “Knowing him, nothing you do will be enough to scare him off. Don’t worry about it.”

Disappointment at failing warred it out with practicality. Nines crossed his arms and turned to look in the mirror mounted on the door beside them, taking in how he looked without the smile. The ears on his head were downcast, their pale blue inner panels lacking the glow that signalled they were operating at full enthusiasm. “That’s very true,” he murmured, watching himself cock his head, noting how the corset strained every time he took a carefully measured breath. “Perhaps I should take precautions,” he figured, looking at Connor in the reflection. He looked rather… He supposed cute was probably the word. “I have a feeling Gavin will take one look at this outfit and lose what little control he has.”

Connor pondered that for a second. Processing, processing, computed. His brows rose as a thought came to him, and Nines turned around to face him as he wandered off to the basket they’d filled, digging through it for something he’d put in while Nines hadn’t been paying attention. “There’s actually something here that’s made for that exact purpose,” Connor reported, finding the item and pulling it free to hand to Nines.

The item in question glinted dully behind its plastic cover. Nines quickly read the text on the box. Lovehoney Get Hard Extra Thick Silicone Cock Rings. A set of three in increasing sizes, the toy boasted the ability to strengthen, enlarge, and preserve an erection through even the most intense of stimulation. Scanning the sizes offered, Nines noted which would fit Gavin.

“These seem compatible with Gavin’s shortcomings,” he noted, nodding to Connor. “Are there any other devices worth pursuing?”

Connor nodded, gesturing him over to the basket. “These tails seem promising, but I don’t know which would be better.” He pulled out a few options, letting Nines take them in hand. “There seem to be plenty of plugs, but only a few that lock into our sensors to move like the ear attachments. The tails are more of a supplement to the kit...”

“And only a few match the ears,” Nines finished for him, seeing the issue immediately. He could tell which were the ones made with androids in mind over humans. They were a bit heavier, sleeker, built from the same sort of composite plastics that their bodies were made of, only to a cheaper degree. “Do you have a preference?”

Connor shrugged, crossing his arms. His own ears were twitching freely, linked into his mood sensors to move in tandem to his thoughts. “I’ve never purchased something like this before,” he admitted, the soft brown of his ears lowering in distress. “What do you think Gavin would like? Would he want a stationary tail or a moving one?”

Well, Nines didn’t need to access his mind palace to know that the topic had never come up in any conversation they’d had. Calling Gavin to ask was definitely out of the question; this was meant to be a surprise, after all.

“Movement increases the verisimilitude of the… the costume?” Nines figured, unsure of what to call whatever it was they were doing for their respective partners. Connor had called it petplay, but that didn’t give Nines much context. “I would think the slightly mismatched accessories wouldn’t be jarring.” Knowing Gavin, he’d be too busy gaping to realize that the ears didn’t quite pair perfectly with the soft tail.

“That makes sense…” Connor trailed off, taking stock of the tails he’d found while browsing. His ears twitched here and there, the soft fabric of his loose top sighing softly as he moved. “I think we can find a tail for you that fits your ears,” he said, handing a huskie tail to him with packaging that suggested it came from a different company. “But I don’t think they have anything that matches mine very well.”

Nines took the tail and examined the plug at the base. Oh. An anal plug. The nodes along the silicone base probably attached like the ears did, granting it power and movement based on the android’s internal emotions. “The spaniel tail looks similar to your ears,” Nines suggested, pulling his attention away from the tail to take in Connor’s remaining selection.

Connor hummed, picking it up. The fur was of a similar color, but the tail boasted curls while the ears didn’t. “This might be the best match then,” he decided, nodding to himself. “Do you know how to attach it?”

“It seems rather intuitive.” Nines placed his tail on top of the cockring package. “Is there anything else we need?”

“I’ve got us a variety of lubricants best suited for anal sex, and there are different flavors too. I’ve already put aside what I know Hank will like, so pick out what Gavin would enjoy best and then I think…” Connor took a look around the dressing room, his hands coming up in front of his chest in a quirk Nines recognizes as his own. “I think then we just need to change back and pay.”

“What kind does Hank prefer?” There were so many bottles… Connor must have grabbed at least ten different types, all with various designs on the labels boasting brightly colored fruits or exotic flavors and scents. They were all of a high quality, so the flavor was the main variable for this choice.

Connor gathered their things together while Nines perused the selection. “Vanilla,” he said simply. “Hank isn’t very fond of sweets in this context.”

That was a good way to decide, wasn’t it? Was Gavin a fan of sweets? Nines had watched him through most of his lunch breaks and sat with him during several dinners at his home. Dessert rarely factored into those moments, but he’d seen Gavin eat sweets when they were brought into the precinct… He picked up a bottle and held it up, reading over the label. Strawberry.

He had a feeling Gavin would respond favorably to this one.

“I’ll go with this one,” Nines decided, putting the bottle atop his other chosen pieces. Connor glanced up to see, and then smiled.

“Alright,” he said, disengaging his ears from his head. “Let’s put on our clothes and pay.”

They changed back slowly, helping one another with the finicky straps and odd buckles. Nines made sure to have Connor merely loosen his; there would be no way to put it back on alone come later tonight otherwise. Back on the hangers the outfits went, and then the ears back into the boxes. Soon they had everything they wanted squared away. All that was left was to pay.

“Thank you,” Nines spoke once they were at the register together. “For coming here with me today.”

Connor glanced away from the clerk android scanning away at their purchases to smile at Nines. “I appreciate you asking me,” he said, looking forward to link with the clerk and transmit the information to complete the transaction. “It’s… comforting to know that we can rely on one another for things like this. I hope Gavin responds well to it.”

Nines looked at the clerk next, going through the motions to pay for his own items. He’d never had money of his own to spend before, so this was certainly a good way to celebrate. The receipt of purchase went into the bag, and then the bag into Nines’s hand.

As far as ways to spend a first paycheck went, Nines felt fairly confident that he had made a good decision. He gathered up his bags and gave Connor a small smile.

Either way, it had been a fun day.

[neganisking]

Surprise gift

A/N: okay so here it is. This has taken fucking months and I’m super proud of it. I really hope you like it. It was originally written for @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash s writing challenge but I missed the deadline here it is anyway! Massive, Massive thank you to @noodlecupcakes for betaing this for me. All mistakes are my own. I will total fix the Taglist in the morning it’s 2am and I’m about to die.

Masterlist

Wordcount:13,000

Tags/ warnings: D/s , smut, guided masturbation, Sex Toys, Vaginal Penetration, Daddy Kink, Praise Kink, Panty Kink, sub space, sub Drop, Comfort Aftercare, pussy slapping, cum tasting, bodily fluid, Dom! Negan, Undernegotiated Kink, Consent, Seduction, orgasm control, edging,

—————-

You were just drifting off again trying to get another nap in before your night shift on guard duty when a knock at the door jars you back into reality.

Taking a second to stretch out your back, you rise up off of your bed and answer the door. You don’t need to open it to know who is waiting for you on the other side, the tell tale ‘shave and a haircut’ rhythm giving him away. Feeling more curious than worried you slide the deadbolt back and open the door to see the man himself leaning against the doorframe.

“Negan?”

With Lucile resting gently on his shoulder, he smiles, cocking his head to the side slightly looking rather amused before wetting his lips. “Hey there sleepy head.” Blinking yourself awake you run your fingers through your tangled hair, not quite sure if he was making fun of you or not. “I’m on nights this week - what’s wrong?”

Pinching his eyebrows together, Negan leans into the space between you both without any real heat to his voice. “Nothing’s wrong butternut – shit, why does something always have to be fucking wrong?”

“You don’t normally knock on my door.” You reason with him, stretching out a little as you scratch the back of your neck. You knew you were lucky to be in his good graces really. You never had to worry about his mood or him making some dramatic display at your expense but then again you never took advantage of it either. Keeping your head down and doing you job to the best of your ability had done you well and Negan seemed to appreciate it.

As he explains, you watch the way his eyes trail down your body and can’t help but feel a tremor of lust nip under your skin - not that you’ll ever let him know that. “True, true. But I’ve noticed how hard you’ve been busting those great big lady nuts of yours and I wanted to fucking get you something nice as a little reward.”

“Is that right?” Surprises were never really your thing if you were honest. Especially seeing as the new world was filled with surprises of the deadly variety. Still, the thought of a reward did catch your attention and you found yourself wondering what it could be to prompt Negan into making a personal visit.

With an easy shrug Negan brings Lucile down to rest against his boot in one fluid motion. “That’s all she fuckin’ wrote. Can I come in or are you gonna leave old Negan out in the fucking cold?”

Glancing behind the man to the draft free corridor outside you can’t help but snort a little at his dramatics. If you were honest though, you wouldn’t mind the company. Opening your door a little wider you step back to let the man inside. “Sure.”

Forever at ease, Negan strolls inside and makes himself at home. Pulling at his scarf he puts Lucile down on the set of drawers before setting the red fabric down next to it. He unzips his jacket as you shut the door, sliding the deadbolt to lock it once again.

It’s not the first time the man has ever been in your room but it still strikes you how much his presence fills the space. As much as you hate to admit it, there’s something easy and light about the way he is with you when you’re alone with him that you can’t help but look forward to.

Turning back to face him you catch him watching you with a soft smile on his face. In his hand he holds a long rectangular box, topped with a bow. You wonder for a moment why you didn’t see it earlier but you figure he must have hidden it inside his jacket. “Oh wow. Gift wrapped and everything. It’s not my birthday y'know.”

Huffing a laugh, Negan rolls his eyes before handing the present over to you. “Like those fucking matter anymore anyway. C'mon let’s open this sucker up.”

His excitement catching, you pull the bow out letting it fall to the floor and lift the lid off the gift box. Whatever you had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t that. With a strange jolt of embarrassment coursing through your body, you couldn’t help but laugh it off. “Oh my fucking god.”

Negan’s voice is measured trying to gauge your reaction. “I’m gonna assume that means you fucking like it.”

You had almost completely forgotten. On a supply run a few weeks ago the boys were giving you shit about never getting laid. Never mind the fact that the men, not to mention the women who were so inclined, were too chicken to go anywhere near you after Negan’s failed marriage proposal. Sometimes you think that you might as well have said yes because at least then you’d be getting some action but you enjoyed being a saviour too much to give it up to just be a wife.

Fighting through your embarrassment at the situation, you pick the sex toy up out of the box. It looks expensive, with fancy settings and soft silicone. “It’s hilarious. Y'know when I said I missed my vibrator it was mostly just to shut Travis up right?”

Negan watches you carefully, clearly enjoying himself. You suppose the heat coming from your face might have something to do with it. “Maybe. But don’t you fucking act like it wasn’t true either. I caught that look on your face. ‘Satisfied you more than any man ever could’ if I remember correctly. Not that I fucking agree mind you. I think you’ve just been fucking the wrong kind of dingleberry if you get what I mean.”

This was ridiculous. Negan had never been so forward with you before and you could feel yourself getting carried along in his wake. You weren’t a stranger to his crude language or the ideas of sex that were now in the forefront of your mind, but actually voicing it seemed to be on another level. Even when he had made advances in the past, you had always been able to shut it down but this time felt different somehow.

Hopefully keeping him oblivious to your inner conflict, you grin, giving off a confidence you weren’t so convinced of. “Orgasm every time and never fucking complains. What’s not to love? I didn’t think you were listening.”

The man shrugs, looking so comfortable getting under your skin it frustrates you. “How could I not? Hearing you talk about your old vibrator like that was hot as hell. That shit was prize material for several happy endings and I’m not even ashamed to admit it.”

Against your own volition, his words make your stomach churn. You’d be lying to yourself if you had said he wasn’t having an effect on you. Unable to come up with a retort this time you simply shake your head. “You’re ridiculous sometimes y'know that?”

He chuckles, the deep sound making your skin prickle. “Absolutely doll face.”

There’s a lull in conversation which strikes you as odd but then you realise that it’s only because of how nervous you are. Trying to bring yourself out of your own head you furrow your brow and look at the toy in your hand instead. “I wasn’t expecting you to actually get me one.”

Negan snorts. “Since when did I do something just because someone fucking expected me to do it? Besides, you really didn’t really think I’d let your needs go unattended to did you? You sure as fuck ain’t getting any from anyone else around here – and before you say it I know you don’t want to fuck me, as much as it busts my balls to admit, but you know how bad I want you. I figured this was a nice little compromise.”

You take a minute to absorb his words. It was a lot to consider all at once. Of course he knew you weren’t getting laid. He didn’t even have to try, simply showing an interest in you made you off limits. Even Laura didn’t try to get close to you anymore. You realise he put it to you in a way that didn’t leave you feeling pressured into feeling or acting a certain way. He had realised how things were for you, he had listened and he had actually done something about it. It was really rather considerate of him.

Your quiet voice has a certain weight to it when you nod. “Thank you.”

“You’re most fucking welcome. Took the liberty of putting some batteries in there for ya too.” He adds, his face splitting into a wide cheeky grin as he waggles his eyebrows a little.

Despite the way he makes the corners of your mouth turn into an amused little grin, you can’t help but furrow your brow in concern. Batteries were expensive never mind how they were a precious resource in the new world. “Batteries? That’s kind of a waste - no?”

Like a switch had been flicked Negan’s whole demeanour changes. The faintest trace of his smile lingers on his lips but his darkened eyes tell a different tale. It was as though all the air has been sucked out of the room and you can’t help the dangerous thrill that courses through your body as he leans into the space between you both.

You knew you were safe. He had told you as much before now. It would take a fuck up of some serious magnitude for Negan to even consider hurting you. That being said he didn’t hesitate to put you in your place whenever you crossed a line with him. Every single time your body responded in the same way. You just hoped you hid it well enough.

In a low, measured voice Negan says three words that make your stomach churn in anticipation. “Who am I?”

“Negan.” You reply without hesitation, swallowing thickly. It’s more than easy to fall in line, the submission settling something inside your bones. For a moment you get a little lost staring into his tawny eyes. He looks almost proud of you and it does something to your insides that you were a little afraid to put a name to.

Seemingly content with your response he chuckles, wetting his lips and the spell breaks again, brightening the room once more. “That’s right sweet cheeks. So if I want to put batteries in your fucking dildo that’s what I’m going to do.”

With a roll off your eyes you shake your head a little, coming to your senses. It was never going to happen between you and him. You had turned Negan down for a reason. A good one at that. It wasn’t even him really, it was all the bullshit that came with him. The mind games, the stupid power trip, the glorified titles, backstabbing – you could do without it. Life was complicated enough.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, you’re the one that’s always preaching about conserving shit. Not to mention that you’re the one that says everything comes at a cost.”

Bringing his gloved hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose Negan pulled his face. “Using my own fuck – look. Can’t you just be fucking happy that I got you something?”

You can’t help but laugh. “I am happy. I’m just busting your balls relax.”

Negan snorts, raising his eyebrows in response. “Y'know – Speaking of my balls –“

“- oh smooth.”

He laughs at your interruption, looking pretty pleased with himself. “I fucking know right? Look I wanted to ask you something.”

You can’t help but feel somewhat disappointed. Of course there was a catch. Nothing was free – in this world or the last. “and there it is.”

“What?”

“The ulterior motive.”

Negan furrows his brow in confusion for a moment as though he was missing something before realisation dawns across his features. “Oh I am not gonna ask you ‘that’. Believe me. If we’re ever gonna get hitched then you’re the one who needs to fucking propose to me. I ain’t doing that shit again.”

Maybe you were wrong then. Against your better judgement, you had the sickening thought that all this was just a ploy to get your guard down so you would accept his marriage proposal. Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt you cautiously decide to ask. “Okay. So what?”

With baited breath he hesitates for a beat before his confident persona comes back to the forefront with a smirk. “Can I watch?”

His request confuses you, having nothing to do what you were thinking of. You frown slightly. “Can you watch what?”

Slowly Negan raises his eyebrows. You follow his pointed gaze down to the vibrator that was all but forgotten in your hand. Was he-? Did he really mean-?

“Negan!” Your face starts to burn as you put the toy back in the box and onto the dresser next to Lucile in rapid motion as though it was about to bite your hand off. This whole thing is beyond ridiculous.

Barking a laugh Negan holds his hands up as though to placate you, taking a step closer at the same time “Hey c'mon now. It’s just a fucking question. I’ve been daydreaming about this shit for the last two weeks. I even had a wet dream about it butternut. A wet fucking dream! It’s been a long fucking time since that’s happened darlin’.”

Your stomach dips at his confession. Unable to help yourself after being provided with such a vivid mental image you fight the urge to press your thighs together. If he was telling the truth, which he usually did, then you really did have an effect on him. And that? That was hot. You let yourself wonder for a beat what he must have looked like, waking up to a wet mess between his legs and you on his mind. Fuck.

You can’t. Grumbling inside, you pull yourself together and arrange your face into a more sarcastic expression. “Poor you.”

He doesn’t seem all that convinced this time. Smiling softly he leans back, a strange look in his eye like he knows something you don’t. Then he moves.

Carefully, as though not to startle you but with ease as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he takes a step closer and gently lets his hands rest on your waist. You’re too taken aback to react, frozen to the spot as his warm fingers gently stroking the skin under the hem of your shirt when you don’t tell him to stop. His touches burn, sending shivers down to your core. There’s no denying how it makes you feel now. At a loss of what to do with your hands you rest them against the lapels of his jacket gently.

His voice drops to a low whisper in your ear, his drawl making your skin pimple. “C'mon pumpkin. No one else has to fucking know. It can just be our little secret huh? You keep your job, no ‘weird wife shit’ as you so eloquently put it. Just us.”

You can literally feel your resolve start to crumble as you subconsciously lean your body into his touch. Its almost too much and yet it isn’t enough. But you’re not supposed to be letting this happen. Are you? Then again, you can’t remember a time when you felt this hot and bothered. It feels good. It’s all you can do to keep your breathing even as you try to gather yourself enough to formulate a response.

“Let me take care of you.”

His words draw you in. It’s tempting. So very tempting. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe you could play with him this one time and get this infatuation out of your system once and for all. He only said he wanted to watch – and that no one else had to know. Maybe it would work.

Frowning a little when you don’t reply, Negan moves back to give you some space. “Shit. You can say no darlin’. You know that.”

Impulsively, your fingers tighten against the leather. You didn’t want to say no anymore. Negan stops, looking down at you with a curious expression. Nerves getting the better of you, your voice is barely even a whisper in the quiet room. “Yeah.”

Negan pulls back a little to get a better look at you, his lips turning into a grin. “What was that honey? ”

Getting a hold of yourself you push on with some confidence. If you were going to do this you might as well commit to it. You were going to hell anyway. “Yeah. Okay. You can watch.”

Negan’s face lights up. Beaming, he squeezes your hips as he leans in a little. “Hot damn. Christmas has come fucking early this year yes indeed.”

As Negan tightens his hold on you, leaning into your space, you gently push against his chest. “Hold up. Ground rules.”

Applauding yourself for not getting carried away, you feel Negan’s warmth leave your skin and for a moment of insanity you almost reconsider your decision. He schools his expression into something more genuine and soft as he smiles.

“M’all ears sugar.”

With hopefully more confidence than you feel, you begin to negotiate your terms. You didn’t want to get carried away with this. “No touching. In fact, stay on that side of the room. You can sit in the chair if you want to.”

If you were being completely honest, you had no idea what you were doing. You wanted something. Maybe even needed it. But you just weren’t ready to give in completely. The thought was too overwhelming for you. Besides he hadn’t asked to touch, just to watch.

“No touching.” Negan repeats your words as though trying them out in his mouth to see how it sounds.

“Nope.”

“At all?” He almost looks distraught which makes you scoff a laugh at him. He clearly wasn’t used too being told no.

You shake your head. “None.”

Furrowing his brow, Negan watches you carefully, trying to figure you out. “What about if you change your mind? Huh? What about if you start choking and dying? What if-?”

“Okay maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you feel a little overwhelmed.

This is why you always say no. It was so easy to get swept up in Negan’s wake. So easy to just give in and give him everything. But in the sanctuary you had a role to play and a job to do. You commanded respect in your own way and you wouldn’t ever dream of compromising that. Part of you wonders if you’re making a huge mistake.

Making a noise in the back of his throat, Negan reaches out to run his hand down your arm, the contact warming you once more, blurring the lines yet again. “Oh honey I’m just busting your fucking nuts. C'mon now.”

When you don’t reply, still trying to decipher your thoughts, he moves to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I’m not used to seeing you so nervous butternut.”

Ducking your head you huff a small laugh. You weren’t used to feeling so nervous either. You feel more like yourself when you gather your thoughts and look up at him once more. “Yeah, well - Your fault.”

Negan snorts, scrunching his nose at you which does nothing to stop the smile from spreading across your face. “So. No touching. Seriously though, what if you change your mind?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Cocking his head to the side with an arrogant smirk, he grunts playfully. “Oh I think it might happen.”

With a roll of your eyes you decide to humour him. It wasn’t going to happen anyway. “If I change my mind – which I won’t, then ignore me. I’m telling you right now not to touch me. And if I’m dying? Sure. If I’m dying you can help. But no funny business.”

“Scouts honour.” Negan replies, putting his hand over his heart.

You snort with laughter at his dramatics. “I highly doubt you were ever a boy scout”

Negan frowns although judging my the smirk lingering on his face there’s no real heat to it. “I am offended doll. You wound me.”

You both chuckle quietly and the intimacy of the moment warms your insides, drawing you in again. Negan speaks up eventually moving things along yet again.

“Is that all your fucking ground rules?”

Your mind turned up blank as you tried to think of other things you should mention. Surely there ought to be something else. “I guess so. Uh - no holding this over me later either.”

“Now I really am offended.” There was an edge to his voice that made you pause, was he really bothered?

“Anything you want to add?” Hopefully levelling things out you make the offer, anxiety beginning to prickle at your skin.

Negan seems pleased at that, flashing his teeth for good measure as he smiles. “Not a thing darlin’. I’ll take any little thing I can fucking get.”

“Uh huh.” You smirk at that, the idea reminding you just how much the ball was in your court with this. You didn’t need to be so nervous. Nothing was going to happen that you didn’t want. You were a saviour damnit and a strong woman and hell, if you were going to do this you were going to enjoy it. Consequences be damned. Its not like Negan would let anything bad happen to you anyway.

With a surge of new found confidence, you smile at the man. Inclining your head over to the chair at the foot of your bed.

“Take a seat.”

Your eyes follow Negan as he saunters over to the chair in question. He shrugs off his leather jacket off and for a moment, your focus lingers on his broad shoulders flexing under his thin grey shirt. Usually you wouldn’t allow yourself to ogle the man but you figure that turn about was fair play this time.

“Like what you see sugar?”

Realising you’ve been caught you smile, hoping to seem much more confident than you feel. Popping the button of your jeans you ease them open to reveal your underwear. They were simple and grey and it had been a long time since you had bothered to shave but you weren’t worried. Beggars couldn’t be choosers after all.

Your voice is light and casual. “Just admiring the view.“

Negan’s deep responding chuckle resonates through the room, vibrating your insides. “I can relate to that.”

Shedding the denim you step out of the jeans pooled around your feet. It’s only your legs - in the old world you wore less at the beach or in the pool – but baring your skin with someone else in the room now somehow makes you feel more vulnerable than having a knife to your throat or a gun to your head ever had. You watch Negan hungrily drink in the sight before him, like he was savouring it in case he never got the chance again.

He wouldn’t get the chance again of course, you reminded yourself. This wasn’t going to be anything more than – this. Letting him indulge a little, you turn your back on him to fetch the box from your dresser, lips twitching into a grin as you hear him swear under his breath.

You take your time, sauntering over to your bed trying to stifle the rush of nerves that takes you by surprise now that you’re actually about to do the thing. It occurs to you for a moment to stop, to change your mind and send Negan on his way. What’s more you know that Negan would respect your decision and would leave without so much as a cross word. But the thought of him leaving left an unsavoury taste in your mouth. You didn’t want him to leave.

But what now? Should you strip completely? Just take off your tank top instead and stay in your underwear maybe? Were you supposed to put on some kind of show for him? Would he even enjoy it?

Tossing the box onto the comforter you give Negan a searching look. He hasn’t moved since the last time, his eyes still locked onto your form. He looks comfortable, reminding you of his words a few moments ago. ‘I’ll take any little thing I can fucking get’ You were in control here.

You didn’t owe him anything. You got to call the shots and you were going to do this on your terms. If he didn’t like it then he didn’t have to stick around. As flippant as your thoughts were, you really did hope he stayed. The more you thought about it the more you wanted it.

Negan smiles fondly, making you feel warm inside. Returning the gesture you pick up the corner of the comforter and in one sweeping motion, you slide under the covers.

Negan squawks, the smile gone. “What? C'mon that isn’t fair.”

Snorting, your smile only grows wider. “Is too.”

He pouts, furrowing his brow he frowns clearly perplexed. He really must be so used to having everything handed to him on a plate. “I can’t see the goods.”

The nonchalant shrug comes much easier than you had thought it would as you ease your panties down your legs, thankful for the duvet to preserve some idea of modesty. You weren’t ready to be that exposed. “It’s cold in here. Besides. You should have been more specific.”

“Fucking figures.” He gripes, looking like a sullen school boy.

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head with the smile still stretching lazily across your face. An idea pops into your mind and with a quick rustle under the covers you ball the grey fabric up and throw it across the room.

Negan, his reflexes sharp as ever, catches it deftly in his hand. His eyes widening slightly as his face lights up in surprise. His hand hovers in the air for a moment as he locks eyes on you again.

“I hope you don’t fucking expect to be getting these back darlin’.”

You chuckle, glad that you’ve managed to somewhat improve his mood. “Let me guess, they “belong to you’ now?”

“Damn straight.”

Negan takes a moment to examine the material, something that you were entirely unprepared for if the flare of heat around your cheeks was anything to go by. “Holy shit. Pumpkin, your pretty pussy has made quite the mess here. You’re nice and wet for me ain’t ya.” It wasn’t a question.

Oh.

You feel your own eyes widen, mouth going sack as you see exactly what he was referring to. Glancing away in embarrassment you take a moment. You knew you were aroused of course but just how wet you are catches you by surprise. While Negan is otherwise distracted you take your hand to venture for yourself and – Oh – definitely wet.

You look back up to Negan just in time to see him draw your wet panties up to his face and inhale. His eyes completely focused on you.

Oh.

Your stomach clenches in arousal as your chest heaves with the breath you had been holding moments before. This was really happening. You weren’t sure exactly when it escaped your attention but you’re suddenly all too aware that your particular agreement meant that you’d be in a certain state in front of Negan himself. Something about that made you feel especially vulnerable. Something about that made you feel excited.

He smiled, satisfaction oozing from his spot at the foot of your bed. You wanted this. He knew you wanted this. He wanted this. You were ready.

Propping yourself up against the headboard so that Negan would still see you over the tent your bent knees would make, you reached forward for the box. Removing the toy you dropped the box over the edge of your bed, now forgotten on the floor. Your fingers traced over the vibrator. The soft silicone was velvety to the touch, the bumps and ridges along the shaft drawing your curiosity. For a moment you imagined it filling you up inside and in an instant you craved to be full – it had definitely been too long.

Gently pressing the button on the end the vibrator sparked into life giving you a start. It tingled in your hand and you gave the sensation a short moment of consideration before pressing the button again. You cycled through the different speeds and pulses before fiddling with it to work out how to turn it off. You were quite impressed by it really.

A small huff of a laugh reminds you that you aren’t alone. Flicking your eyes back to Negan who has a soft smile on his face, you flush with a wash of embarrassment at having being so distracted. With a nervous smile you get comfy, leaning back against the headboard once again. Pressing the button onto the lowest setting, you pulled your hands under the covers and part your thighs.

A soft gasp escapes your mouth as you press the buzzing toy to your clit, your body clenching in a satisfactory swell of ‘finally’.

“There we go.” Negan hums in approval.

Ignoring him, you focused on the sensation as you slowly roll the head of the toy along your wet folds and around your clit. Fluttering your eyes closed, your head tips back of its own accord. God how you had missed this feeling. It had been so long that you’re sure this isn’t going to take very long at all. At least Negan would get to see your ‘o’ face. Hopefully that would satisfy him.

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

The interruption distracts you from the sensation you had been chasing and that blissful feeling now suddenly seems lightyears away. Sighing in annoyance you open your eyes to frown at the man at the foot of your bed.

“Negan- “

“You weren’t ‘specific’ about me talking doll so deal with it.” He counters before you have the chance to complain, leaving no room for argument.

You open your mouth to argue anyway before closing it again. He did have a point. Sliding the vibrator against your clit again you realise that you don’t mind the idea as much as you thought you would.

“You love the sound of your own voice too much.” You say instead, not one to roll over so easily.

Negan grins. “I think that deep down you like it too princess. Yeah you do.” He adds as your breath hitches at the nickname.

Another surge of arousal courses through you and your eyes shut of their own accord, head rolling backwards again exposing the lines of your neck to the room. A small hum escapes your lips.

“Open your fucking eyes sweetheart. You don’t get to pretend I’m not watching.”

The reminder is gentle but you know how much he hates repeating himself. There’s an unspoken challenge in there somewhere and you decide not to forget again, if nothing else to show him just how good you can be. You’re not sure exactly where the thought comes from but you think you might actually want to please him.

You pull your head down and meet his tawny eyes with steady determination. The heady rush reminding you that this is no innocent ordeal – he’s watching you masturbate. He literally brought you a dildo so he could watch you masturbate - And you said yes. Fuck.

“That’s it. Good girl.” Negan draws the words out in his gravely tone, that proud look taking over his features again. The praise makes you whimper before you can stop yourself – you definitely want to please him. It just feels right.

The vibrations pulse against your pussy in a way that your own hand could never manage. It pushes you harder, higher, deeper into bliss and despite your somewhat compromised position you feel yourself getting pulled in anyway. Slowly giving into the pleasure and allowing your guard to droop.

Negan groans in appreciation, eyes never leaving you for a second, watching your flushed face as you grind the toy against your wet cunt over and over, climbing higher and higher. “Yeah honey I bet that feels fan-fucking-tastic huh?”

Almost as in a trance, you keep your lidded gaze on Negan, eyes wandering over the scruff of his beard, the lines of his jaw and nose, his defined shoulders. Your chest heaves as you pant open mouthed from the sensations growing from your core and spreading through your body like electricity. It had never felt like this on your own. This was something else entirely, another level altogether and it made you want. It was all you could do to nod at him, your breath catching in your throat in pleasure making you whimper as though it was pulling on the last ounces of your self control.

“You’re fucking beautiful sweetheart. Blushing like that. Hot damn.” Your body was on fire. You had never thought you would see the day when you actually wanted Negan to keep talking but in this moment hanging on his every word felt like the best idea you’d ever had. You wanted him to tell you every little thing he could see, every embarrassing detail of your debauchery, everything that pleased him, made him feel good, anything so long as he kept talking.

God you wanted to cum.

“Say my name.”

You blinked, drawing your thoughts together enough to squint in confusion. “What?”

Negan leaned forward in the chair, his voice dropping to the low commanding tone that fuelled your deepest fantasies. “Say. My. Name.”

“Negan?” You offer, as though you could somehow get the answer wrong.

Negan hums. “Good girl. Again.”

“Negan.” But why did he-?

“Again.”

“Negan. Ohh.” The confusion gives way to the roll of pleasure sweeping through your body. You were saying his name. You were masturbating for him with his name on your lips. Almost completely exposed and even more vulnerable, without a sliver of doubt or hesitation - all because he asked. In fact you were pretty sure that if he asked you would do much more than this too.

The movement of the toy had become automatic some time ago and it barely registered in your mind that it took any kind of effort to move it, more focused on the intense pleasure it brought instead.

“Again.” Negan’s voice was insistent, commanding, every thing you craved.

“Negan.” You moan his name, the final shreds of the pretence you had concocted gone. This was it. Raw and full of want and need, you felt free.

“Good girl. Good fucking girl.” You preen at his praise. You want to be his good girl. You want him to be proud of you. You want him.

“Negan - fuck.” You whimper growing impossibly hot, the raw emotion inside making you need. What you needed you weren’t quite sure but you needed all the same.

Negan smiles widely, flashing his teeth looking so sincere it makes your heart swell. “I’m here beautiful. Right here.”

Your pussy clenches and aches for release, your whole body begins to tremble with the intensity of it all. The vibrations drive you closer to that edge, your mind going rogue and indulging in fantasies of Negan dragging his hard cock along your dripping cunt instead. It won’t be long now. “Feels good huh. You getting close?”

“Yeah so good.” Your body draws the words out in a low moan. This was it. Any moment now. You wondered if he would order you to cum rather than just letting it happen. You hoped he would. He always did in your fantasies, ordering things from you that exposed just how naughty you could be.

“You look so fucking pretty coming undone like this for me baby girl. Take it off your clit for me baby and fuck that sweet pussy. We got all the time in the world. No way in hell am I gonna rush this.”

As soon as the order leaves his lips you comply without hesitation taking the toy away. Your body lurches, aching desperately with need to get you to put the toy back, to force yourself over the edge against his wishes. You ached to cum, his words almost sending you over the edge alone but you struggled to control yourself.

Your body shudders visibly as you keen loudly with the effort and the arousal pulsing through your pussy. You wanted to cum so badly but the desire to please him and be a good girl wins out, the submission feeling like coming home. Groaning in the pleasurable frustration you cuss loudly. “Fuck.”

If Negan minded that you were taking a minute to compose yourself before continuing with his request he didn’t show it. In fact you had never seen him quite so happy. Not that false persona that always laughed and smiled but the actual smile of a man who didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Of course he didn’t miss the way you reacted. “You like that don’t you butternut. I fucking knew you were kinky as shit.”

You chuckle, catching your breath as the smile spreads easily across your face. This was only the tip of the iceberg for you. But then you weren’t sure exactly how far this should go. If you were honest though you weren’t worried. Negan would take care of you.

“This ain’t nothin’ – oh” As you slide the dildo inside your soaking pussy you can’t help the moan that escapes your mouth. This. This was what you needed. To be full, to be fucked. The stretch feels perfect, almost as though it belongs inside you.

Negan continues, you didn’t think your face could grow any hotter, it was almost too much. “Oh princess have you been fucking holding out on me? All this time you’ve been into the freaky-deaky?”

You draw the dildo back out again relishing the drag. It’s perfect. Setting a slow and steady pace you start to fuck yourself for him, denying nothing. “Shit.”

Showing no mercy Negan shows no sign of stopping his teasing. “You like me telling you what to do honey? You like me telling you how to fuck your own pussy?”

The humiliation flushes your body with a new sense of shame. But instead of feeling guilty the praise it’s coupled with only draws you in deeper making you feel drunk on the sensation. “Oh- yeah.”

“’Yeah’ what princess?” He asks expectantly.

You don’t hesitate. “Yes sir.”

Negan croons. “That’s it butternut. Good girl.”

You were a good girl. His good girl. He was pleased with you. The thought made fucking your cunt feel even better. The previously imminent orgasm you had been on the edge of before now had receded but you didn’t mind at all given how right being so full felt. You needed it.

“Faster.”

You followed his orders to the letter. Fucking your cunt harder, faster, relishing in the way your pussy clenched tightly around the toy in it’s desperation. A steady mantra of moans began to pour from your mouth, accented by the occasional curse word as you began to float. You wanted, you needed, but something wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough.

Negan’s voice grounded you back to the moment, as though sensing your frustration. “How about you give those pretty titties some lovin’ hmm? I want you pinching and teasing those fucking nipples for me baby.”

His suggestion left you in a predicament. You were still half dressed in your tank top and bra with the comforter pooled around your waist. Should you pull your breasts out the opening of your top? Take it all off altogether? But then do you cover up with the comforter? Or rip the comforter away completely and expose everything to the man. The hardest part seemed to be coming to terms with the fact that you had to stop fucking your pussy long enough to organise yourself. You didn’t want to stop.

Pushing the toy inside one final time, you leave it there to pull off both your top and your bra in one sweeping motion. Your bare chest feels the chill of the room cooling you down slightly. For a quick second your bravery vanishes feeling nervous, almost scared. Was it okay to let him see? Would he like it? You couldn’t deny at this point that you wanted him to see but actually doing it was a lot for you.

His response was everything you could hope for. “Holy shit baby girl. You’re such a good girl for daddy, letting me look at ya. Beautiful.”

Daddy. Holy shit Negan was trying to kill you. He must be. Death by arousal really wasn’t a bad way to go in the grand scheme of things. You could make your peace with it. No regrets.

With one hand you began to grope your breast, rolling a nipple between your fingers, pinching hard as a jolt of electric arousal surged down to your clit. With the other you returned to the rumbling dildo in your needy pussy, fucking yourself again with new found fervour.

You keened, arching under your own ministrations. You could feel all rational thought begin to slowly slip away and you welcomed the mindless bliss that followed in its wake. You were his. In all honesty you have been his since he laid his claim on you months ago. You need him to take you once and for all.

“Please.” The needy, desperate whine was out of your mouth the second the thought entered your mind.

Negan answers in an instant, attentive and urgent. “Talk to me kitten, what do you want?”

It takes you a few tries to stammer the words out. Arousal and embarrassment making it difficult to string your words together. “I want – ugh fuck.”

Negan groans in pleasure the sound going straight to your core. “Shit making you blush is my new favourite thing. Slow the fuck down baby girl. You don’t get to fuck yourself like that if you’re not gonna fucking answer my question.”

“Fuck.” You repeat yourself, slowing to a torturous pace and you can’t help but cry out with the ache your body gives out in protest. His condescending tone makes you whimper softly and a more coherent part of you wonders how to ask him to do it again.

Negan coaxes you gently, making you feel precious. “C’mon butternut. Use your words.”

“I want you.” You eventually stammer.

Negan raises his eyebrows in pleasant surprise. “You want me?”

It takes a great deal of effort to swallow your pride and repeat yourself, the confirmation going against every rejection you gave him from the last few months. “Yeah – Yeah I want you Negan.”

Negan swells with pride, his toothy smile making it more than worth it. “Good girl kitten. Good girl. I’m right here with you and I ain’t fucking going anywhere.”

You were glad he wasn’t going anywhere but that wasn’t what you were getting at. “No I want – shit.” You flop your head back against the pillow in frustration, your pussy clenching around the toy. This was hard.

Negan huffs an amused laugh like he already knows. He probably does. Bastard. “Look at me darlin’. You’re gonna need to say the words if you want it.”

There was nothing else to it. You were just going to have to say it. Taking a deep breath you looked Negan in the eye and forced the words out of your mouth. “I want you to fuck me sir. Please.”

As he praised you with as much gusto as he could muster, the triumphant twinkle of his eyes made him look like the cat that got the cream. You supposed you were giving him almost everything he wanted on a silver platter, not that you cared anymore, you wanted it just as badly. “Good girl butternut. I’m proud of you. Go ahead and fuck that pretty pussy nice and hard again for me.”

You preen at his pride. But wait. That wasn’t what you wanted. “But-“

Negan cuts off your pleas with a shake of his head. “-we made a deal sweetheart. As much as I’d love to fuck your sweet cunt – and kitten believe me that’s all I want to do right now – it isn’t going to happen. Not until you can ask for it with a clear head.”

That’s right. You made a deal. It seems so long ago now but you were sure that if you had known it would feel like this you would have decided differently. You consider arguing your point but looking at Negan’s determined expression you realise there’s nothing you can do. He wasn’t going to fuck you.

Your head makes a loud thunk as you hit the back of it against the headboard with a groan. “Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed. Eyes on me princess I’m not done with you yet.”

When you look at him again, Negan waggles his eyebrows suggestively with a wide grin on his face. It’s so ridiculous it makes you giggle, salvaging the mood before it can turn sour.

He inclines his head expectantly and you pick up the pace again, pushing yourself faster and harder wanting to please him. It isn’t long before you feel yourself begin to float again, lost in pleasure.

Negan croons and you drink his voice in hanging onto his every word. “That’s it. Good girl. Does it feel good to have that pussy stretched open? Filling yourself up for me over and over?”

For him. He has such a filthy mouth and it spurs you on even more. You want more, need more. Covered in a sheen of sweat you manage to answer him through the low moans and whimpers. “Fuck Negan, yeah it’s so good.”

As though a damn has been broken Negan becomes relentless in his teasing. “I bet it is. It’s been a long time since anyone fucked you like you deserve huh? And now you finally fucking admit you want me. You want my cock taking care of you instead of that fucking rod don’t you baby girl?”

It was too much, too much in the best possible way. Overwhelmed, something breaks inside of you and you’re unable to hold anything back. With a raw moan you almost sob in need and frustration. “Shit. Yes please. Daddy please fuck me.”

Negan makes an aborted a tempt to touch your leg in reassurance thinking better of it to your dismay. You want him to touch you so badly. “I want to baby. I really fucking do.”

Time starts to slip away from you then. All you know is the panting and whimpering and moaning that fills the air. Steady eyes locked on your trembling form, strong and safe. Clenching and aching and needing and wanting and it was all too much and not enough at the same time.

“You ready to cum for me sweetheart?”

Cum. Yes that was what you needed. You had been so fixated on Negan and his commands and the pulsing pleasurable ache spawning from your cunt that you somehow hadn’t considered such a thing.

Nodding enthusiastically you chase the climax that you were now greedy for, only to realise it wasn’t going to happen like this. You loved being fucked, but you could never orgasm from it. Suddenly the pleasurable torture seemed endless and you couldn’t help the whimper of frustration you let out. You needed more and it wasn’t fair.

Not missing a thing Negan realises immediately. He lets out a groan of admiration, as though the information pleases him. “You can’t cum from just that can you? That’s good to know for next time honey.”

Next time. Fuck. The realisation that this wasn’t going to be a one time thing anymore smacks you in the face, mostly because you’re just so fucking glad that it won’t be. You want more. You want everything with this man.

“Negan.” You beg with the cadences of your voice desperate for his help, wanting so much more than just his voice to guide you.

Negan does touch you then. He gently soothes his palm along the arch of your foot and the effect is immediate. You melt into the mattress, the warmth of his skin on yours soothing your rapidly unravelling nerves. “I’m right here sweetheart. You’re being such a good girl. Haven’t even fucking tried to touch your clit without being told to, don’t think I didn’t notice. I fucking knew you’d be a pro at following orders.”

Of course you hadn’t. You were being good for him, you hadn’t even considered it. You knew Negan would help you and give you what you needed so you had went along for the ride. Now he had mentioned it though, it was all you could think about. “Can I? Please can I touch?”

Negan leans back in his chair with a playful smirk, the warmth of his hand slipping from your skin. “You like it rough darlin’?”

“Yeah.” You nod instantly, feeling a thrill of excitement tremor under your hot skin.

The pleasure is evident in his voice. “Shit you get better by the fucking minute. Slap your needy cunt for me princess. I wanna fucking hear it.”

Eager to please him and thankful in the anticipation of getting some stimulation on your clit you arrange yourself quickly. Pulling the dildo out just long enough to bring your hand down on your pussy the shock of the impact makes your body lurch, the sensation recoiling through your core as the resounding wet slap fills the air.

“Oh god.” It didn’t hurt. It felt amazing. Your pussy was hot and wet and tender with the amount of attention it had received and the slap was a welcome change in sensation making your cunt clench deliciously, spurring you closer to that final edge. Sliding the dildo back inside quickly you feel delirious with lust.

“Again.” Negan commands, his tone leaving no room for hesitation – not that you wanted to.

You strike your flesh harder this time, being able to gauge your tolerance better after the first one. The edge of pain makes you moan loudly, complimenting the sound of the slap. The friction on your clit brings your orgasm back to the front of your mind as you slide the dildo back inside. God you wanted to cum.

“Thank you sir. ”

Negan acknowledges your thanks with a thoughtful hum, nodding his head. “Maybe I’ll make you cum one day just by slapping your pretty cunt seeing as you like it so fucking much. You want another one?”

“Please.” Maybe if he let you, you could cum from slapping your cunt now. The thought of orgasming from something so devious renews that flush of shame, only serving to drive you deeper.

“Again.”

Your body jerks violently as the pain pleasure ricochets through your whole being. You could feel your impending orgasm growing, just out of your reach. It felt amazing and overwhelming, every nerve was alive and attentive to the arousal pulsing through your body.

You were desperate. “Negan please.”

Soothing and understanding, Negan cooed softly to you, appealing directly to that part of you that would do anything to please him. “I know princess. I know. One more thing baby and then we’ll see if you’ve earned it. You’re doing so well for me.”

You sobbed then, so strung out and so aroused that you weren’t sure how much more you could take. But then, you had given yourself completely to this man because you trusted him enough to take care of you. Being pushed towards the ends of what you could handle deepened that blissful submission inside your bones.

His voice is soft. “Take the dildo out and turn it off for me kitten.”

You followed his orders blindly, whining at the loss as your pussy ached and begged for more. Surely this was the exact opposite from what he should want from you.

Sensing your distress Negan comforts you gently. “Good girl. Breathe. C’mon I ain’t done with you. Don’t worry.”

You pull in some deep breaths. Of course he couldn’t just leave you like this. He had something in mind. Curiosity nipped at your thoughts, wondering in and amongst all the ache and raw emotion what he was planning.

“Show me the toy.”

“Fucking hell.” You cuss under your breath, somehow more embarrassed about this one thing than the fact that you’ve been masturbating and moaning for the man for goodness knows how long.

You pull the damp toy out from under the cover. Negan leans forward to inspect it making you wonder again what on earth he was up to. Maybe it was all the hormones addling your brain but you just couldn’t figure it out.

“Now ain’t that a sight. Its fucking soaked with your sweet pussy juice.”

A surge of arousal rolled through your body at his words, the embarrassment making you moan wantonly. You cover your face with your free hand, a ridiculous giggle escaping your mouth.

“No need to be embarrassed sweetheart it’s fucking beautiful. Take a good look.”

Taking a minute to compose yourself, you uncover your eyes and glance at the toy. You know how wet you are down there so it’s not much of a surprise to you just how wet the toy is, glistening slightly with the light coming from the window. What was Negan’s point again?

Looking from the toy to the man at the foot of your bed you furrow your brow in confusion, trying to work out what he wants you to do. He doesn’t leave you confused for long. Leaning forward with darkened eyes, a devilish smirk spreads across his face.

“Suck it.”

What? No. Nope. Nopidy nope. No. He wanted you to-? No. You couldn’t. Could you?

Negan reaches out to touch your ankle, coaxing you gently. “I just wanna see you taste yourself honey.”

For a long moment you just look at him. Mouth gaping open, eyes lightly furrowed in confusion you try to process the request through your foggy mind. Could you? Should you? If you’re honest it’s a little hard to think right now.

“Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. It’s okay baby. ”

You let your eyes flutter closed, taking in a long steady breath. Whatever happened, it would be okay. Negan would make sure it was okay. No matter if you did it or not, he would look after you. He wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t do it. Then a little voice in your mind wonders how happy he would be if you did do it.

It was secure in that knowledge that you embrace the long celebrated philosophy of ‘fuck it’ and bend forward to take the toy into your mouth.

Negan clapped his hands together. “Atta fucking girl! Shit you’re so fucking good.”

At first you struggle with how ridiculous it is that you’re sucking on a dildo in front of him but your mind helpfully supplies you with the remedy. It isn’t hard to jump to the fantasy of sucking Negan’s cock instead, slick from having just fucked you senseless. The tangy taste of your arousal only encourages you. At least you never professed to being innocent.

“Suck that fucker clean for me baby. God damnit honey.” He sounds proud of you and it makes you feel high. You bob your head as far down the shaft as you can, paying special attention to the head before licking the parts you couldn’t reach in the first place. Opening your eyes you find Negan slack jawed looking at you in awe.

“Good girl. Good girl. I am so motherfucking proud of you sweetheart.”

With an audible pop you take the toy out of your mouth and flop backwards against the headboard, panting. You must look such a state to him, you realise as you wipe a small trail of saliva from the corner of your mouth but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re too far gone.

Negan smiles, running a hand over his beard before licking his lips. “Look at you. You’re so fucking gone aren’t you. Beautiful. You want to cum for me baby?”

As you nod eagerly, still completely spaced out, Negan nods along with you. “Yeah you do. C’mon then I want you to use the vibe on your clit again.

Turning the toy back on, you pull your hand under the covers. You’re trembling, arms aching with the effort, shining with sweat but you’ll be damned if you’re going to give up now.

“Oh god.” The feeling is bliss. You rub the toy around your clit as the sensation builds higher and higher, the room soon being filled with your whimpers and soft moans. You’re far too hot and too tightly wound to function but somehow aware of how amazing it’ll be to finally tip over the edge.

Negan diverts your attention before you can get carried away. “Don’t you dare cum without my say so butternut. Talk to me – I wanna fucking hear you.”

While your initial thought is to whine and complain about having to wait any longer you bite your tongue at the idea of coming on Negan’s command. The thought of being so good and so obedient for him was too tantalising to resist so you did your best to hold back from the brink as every other force hurled you towards it.

Somehow you managed to find the words as they began to pour uncensored from your mouth. “Shit. I’m close – fucking – Negan please sir make me cum. Please let me cum. Oh god. I can’t. Fuck.”

Negan insisted, still giving you every ounce of his attention after all this time. “You can. Not yet princess don’t stop.”

His unwavering faith in you was admirable, but you couldn’t help but think he was failing to see the desperation of your situation. Moaning brokenly, you writhe on the bed with the effort of holding back. It was impossible. “Negan please. Please. I want you to see me cum for you. Shit. Please I can’t fucking hold it.“

Negan growled. “Cum for me right fucking now. Cum hard for daddy baby girl.”

Everything snapped. His words forcing you over the edge and into oblivion. Electricity coursed through your every nerve and your used cunt spasmed and pulsed making you shudder uncontrollably. You couldn’t control anything, not the trembling of your thighs nor the obscene noises coming from your mouth. This. This was bliss. If you could stay suspended in this moment forever you would do just about anything.

You’re barely able to register Negan talking you through your orgasm, with you every step of the way. “That’s it. You’re so fucking perfect. Fuckidy fucking fuck I want to fucking keep you. Please let me keep you.”

You had never had an orgasm so hard in your entire life, the intensity of it taking the breath from your lungs and left you floundering for some kind of stability.

“Deep breaths butternut.”

Body twitching through the aftershocks, you gulp in lungfuls of air. Feeling entirely too sensitive now you whimper, pulling the vibrator away and shutting it off quickly before dumping it on the bed somewhere. God you were exhausted. You tried to focus on your breathing as you flop your head back to look at the celling.

“That’s it. Good girl.”

Huffing, you let Negan’s words wash over you, soothing and calm. Your body feels so heavy you refuse to even consider moving. The ache is so far beyond amazing the smile that stretches across your face takes no effort at all.

“Holy shit.” You breathe out loud to the room, finally gaining control of your own mind once again.

You look down your bed to Negan who sits quietly, watching you with a serene smile on his face. As he registers you looking back at him, you wordlessly waggle your eyebrows in mock seduction making him snort a laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Laughter comes easily, a small chuckle at first lending itself to the giggle fit that follows after. It’s silly you know, but it just feels so good. Everything feels so good. You laugh until your ribs ache, eyes closed feeling entirely boneless on the bed. You cool yourself down with a sigh, hoping this feeling would seep into your bones and never leave.

“How you feeling honey?”

Everything feels easy. You watch Negan watch you with an easy smile on your face, feeling at ease with the world for the first time in god only knows how long. Who knew orgasms had such magical qualities? You blink in acknowledgement nodding your head slowly. “Me? I’m still fucking shaking. That was, fuck that was amazing. Its never been that good. Fuck.”

Negan snickers at your dazed reply. “Fucking A.”

You realise then that a bottle of water and your pack of wet wipes had both appeared at the bottom of your comforter. Suddenly noticing how thirsty you were, you make an eager grab for the bottle before unscrewing the cap and chugging half it’s contents.

Knowing they hadn’t appeared on their own you make sure to tell Negan you appreciated it. It was really rather thoughtful of him. “Thank you.”

He nods in reply, altogether far too quiet from his usual loud persona but then you aren’t naive enough to assume what just happened didn’t have an effect on him too in some way. In the end you decide to just ask, too raw to dwell on it any other way.

“You okay?” Pulling out a couple of wipes you start to clean off your hands, moving onto your face once you are satisfied.

Negan blinks, leaning back in the chair as the smile spreads across his face, putting most of your worries to bed. “Fuck doll, I am fucking ecstatic. Wound tighter than a fucking pistol and about ready to cum in my very own fucking pants mind you, but shit. You were perfect darlin’.”

You chuckle, eyes trailing down to his crotch without shame – given the view Negan had moments ago you doubt he minded. It seemed a shame that you got off and he still hadn’t. Despite your body being completely spent, you still manage to conjure up the fantasy of getting to watching Negan unravel in a similar manner. An aching pulse trembles through your insides at the thought. You were definitely into it.

Your voice is quiet and careful, nerves returning now you weren’t suffocated with need. “If you want, I can take care of it for you?”

Huffing a bittersweet laugh, Negan shakes his head. “Do not tempt me. A deal’s a deal sweet cheeks. Maybe next time if you feel so inclined.” He adds, leaving that option wide open again. Next time.

Right. That deal. So much for not changing your mind. You still want him to touch you now, not even in a sexual way but just so you can feel him. You know he won’t though, you managed to shoot yourself in the foot with that one. Really though you knew you were grateful to the man for listening to what you wanted and not giving into you after the fact. As much as you had wanted it in the moment, you knew you weren’t ready for that – yet.

Negan speaks up when you don’t reply, taking you out of your own thoughts. “So where the fuck did that all that kinky shit come from?”

“Speak for yourself.” You scoff, remembering vividly that it was hardly a one sided affair. “Back when the internet was a thing I knew a guy. He taught me a thing or two and I did a bit of exploring.”

Negan laughs, scrunching up his nose. “That shit beats Dora any day of the week.”

You hum in good humour. “What about you?”

He shrugs easily. “A lifetime of experience doll. I’ve been around the block a few times if you catch my drift.”

With a roll of your eyes you nod. “Ah of course. I should have known. I mean you do have – how many is it now? 5 wives?”

Negan snickers, unfazed by your teasing. “Abso-fucking-loutely. The kinky shit is my bread and butter, though I didn’t have you pegged for such a naughty little girl.”

His words still have an effect on you, your stomach dipping at his tone. Your face flares with the emotions you can’t quite get a handle on and Negan sees it straight away, giving you a knowing smirk.

“Want me to grab some clothes for ya?”

Realising you were still naked in bed, half under the covers you’re grateful for his offer. Your clothes are all sprawled out along the floor, not counting the panties that were most likely still in Negan’s possession. “Yeah actually that’d be great. Thank you.”

Negan eases to his feet, stretching out a little before sauntering over to your dresser. You have no reservations in ogling the man as he turns his back to you in order to rummage in the drawers, admiring the way the grey shirt hugs the defined lines of his back, showcasing his muscles. You giggle quietly to yourself, knowing full well that he has no idea where he’s supposed to be looking, that he’s just being a nosy son of a bitch but it’s not like you have anything to hide.

“Oh I like these.” Negan rumbles gleefully. Interest piqued, you watch as he holds out his find. You’re impressed. Negan had managed to find the one pair of lacy underwear to your name, turning to you with a cheeky grin.

“You can wear these kitten.” He decides, tossing them over to you.

Laughing, you catch the fabric and set it out in front of you. “You are so predictable.”

“Then why aren’t they on that sexy little ass yet then? Chop chop.”

Snorting, you wait until Negan turns back to find the rest of your clothes before slipping them on under the covers. There’s a certain thrill knowing that Negan hand picked your panties that satisfies something inside you. Not that you’re about to divulge that particular titbit of information.

“Shirt and pants honeybunch.” He turns again with the clothes in hand.

You hold out your hands to catch them with a smile. “Thanks.”

He doesn’t throw them. Drawing the fabric closer to his chest, Negan taunts you. “Ah ah ah. Come and get em.”

Your eyes widen. Really? He wanted you to walk virtually butt naked across the room to him, completely exposed while he was still fully dressed. It didn’t seem very fair. Still, you reasoned, he had already seen it all in your varying stages of debauchery. And your panties, despite their general lack of fabric, did give you that final barrier of modesty.

Spurred on by your post orgasmic confidence and general lack of fucks to give, you pull back the covers exposing your legs to the cool air of the room. Swinging them round to the side, you stand up and begin to slowly pad your way to the man who’s eyes rake over your body. You’re all too aware of how your stomach is exposed and how your breasts sway lightly, unhindered by fabric but the predatory gaze in his eye makes it all worth it.

Negan shakes his head as though he can’t believe what he sees. “Shit. Sweetheart you are delicious. I’m gonna bust a nut just looking at you. Fucking fuck. Quick put ‘em on before I change my mind and stop being such a fucking gentleman.” He adds, squeezing his eyes shut for a second and pushing the clothes out towards you.

You laugh at Negan, taking them out of his hands. It feels empowering to know you have such an effect on him and part of you considers taking advantage of the fact. You think better of it though, he had been so resolved to not push the boundaries you had set that it wouldn’t be fair for you to push him like that. Filing the information away for another time, you go back to your spot on the bed pulling on the jeans and tshirt as you go, still feeling a little weak-kneed and achy.

Quickly wrapping the vibrator in a couple of wet wipes, you stow it away in the drawer beside your bed, reminding yourself to wash it properly later. Smoothing out the comforter on the mattress you flop down on your belly with your head at the foot of your bed with a deep sigh of satisfaction. Negan, who had been watching you the entire time, takes the cue to sit back down on chair now much closer to you.

For a few long moments, you just sit together in a comfortable silence. Your body hums with satisfaction, like an itch had finally been scratched within yourself. Resting your head on your arms, you find yourself focusing on Negan’s hand where it rests on the arm of the chair. He has nice hands. You wonder if he was the kind of guy who liked to hold hands or not.

Today hadn’t gone how you expected at all.

“I didn’t really plan on going that far with you.” You muse out loud. It was true. In fact, up until today you had decidedly avoided this exact scenario. Even then you had been determined to be a lot more reserved than you end up being. Negan had a habit of getting under your skin in the best kind of way.

You knew you didn’t regret it though. How could you when you feel so peaceful inside?

Negan huffs, a sceptical look on his face. “I’m really not that bad y’know.”

Frowning, you try to think of a way to explain it. It really wasn’t his fault. At least not directly. In different circumstances you would have no reservations about the man at all. “No I know that. It’s not you. Not really you at all. Its all the bullshit that comes with you. The games the backstabbing the watching over your shoulder every second in case someone had a grudge.”

“You mean you don’t get all that shit already as a saviour?” Through the bravado he almost sounds a little hurt. It makes you want to reassure him or something. Whatever would fix it without compromising your position in the whole hierarchy of the sanctuary. That was what was really at stake here. It wouldn’t be such an issue if it didn’t directly impact your own safety.

“No I do. It’s just as a saviour I’m a number. No one gives a shit what I do so long as I stay in line. There’s safety in that.”

Negan falls silent at that, mulling your words over in his mind for a few long moments before finally talking. “Maybe we can work something out.”

“Yeah maybe.”

Breaking the silence that follows, Negan nudges your mattress with his knee with a wink. “I fucking knew you wanted me.”

“Shut up.” You mutter without any real heat to your voice. Negan barks a laugh at that and you can’t help but smile along.

Another lull in conversation has you thinking again about how close he is and how it would be so easy just to reach out and touch him. You think back to the way his fingers stroked along the skin at the bottom of your stomach and the craving to have his hands on you only intensifies.

With an audible sigh, Negan rubs his hands against his thighs. You look up again to see him glancing to the door and suddenly realise just how one sided the last few minutes have been. Oblivious to your inner thoughts, you worry that you’ve been a little off with him.

“Don’t feel you have to leave all of a sudden.” You try, feeling nervous of rejection after everything.

Negan pauses, giving you a searching look. “You want me to stay?”

You bob your head quietly for a few moments, before finding your voice. “Yeah. Yeah – I mean, unless you don’t –“

“-I’ll stay.” He stops you before you dig a hole for yourself, sounding steady and strong. It puts you at ease.

You look at his sincere expression and it warms your insides. Sighing softly you nod again. “Okay.”

Squinting at him a little you furrow your brow. Would he mind if you asked him? Would that count as being against the deal you made? The longer you debate it the more awkward you feels until you take a deep breath and open your mouth to just ask already.

Before closing it again. Fuck.

“What is it?” Negan asks, reading you like a book.

“What?”

“Whatever the fuck you have going round in that pretty head of yours. I can practically see the cogs turning.”

“Oh.” You start, scrunching up your nose in dismissal and shaking your head lightly. “It’s stupid.”

Negan frowns, looking disappointed. “C’mon butternut.”

You frown at yourself then. What were you doing? You are a strong badass woman. You know that. You know. You held your own amongst and army of men and against the dead. You were sexy. Desirable. Negan wanted you for fucks sake. Why didn’t you feel like that now?

Wetting your lips you swallow hard. What’s the worst he could say? Fuck it. “Can I just – Can I give you a hug?“

Negan blinks. Whatever he had been thinking of you don’t think he had been expecting that. That proud smile that you like a lot more than you should eases onto his face. “A hug? Sure kitten. Of course you can have a fucking hug. Get on over here.“

He pats his lap and to your slight embarrassment you eagerly scramble up and into his arms. Fuck. This was what you needed. Burying your face into the scruff of his neck, his arms wind around you. One hand cups the base of your neck grounding you while the other soothes along the small of your back under your shirt, pulling you close to him. You take in a long deep breath, surrounded by the smell of his aftershave and something uniquely Negan and you shudder lightly.

“I got you baby. It’s okay.”

You don’t even realise you’re crying at first. It isn’t a bad cry, or a sad one. It confuses you because for so long you’ve associated crying with something bad that you aren’t quite sure what’s wrong with you. You’re just so fucking relieved.

Negan presses a kiss to the top of your head, stroking along your skin over and over again as he rocks you gently. It feels good. “You’re one of the strongest fucking people I know darlin’.”

You scoff bitterly, shaking your head a little. “Not today.”

His fingers still and you instantly regret your choice in words for that reason alone. He sounds a little dumbfounded. “You really think this shit makes you weak?”

You don’t have a reply for him, freezing in place. Did you really think that? No. If you were honest you had come to terms with the whole kinky side of yourself a long time before walkers roamed the earth. But then again, you had just completely thrown your own reservations out of the window on account of pure lust. The jury was still out on if that was a good decision or not.

When you don’t reply Negan tuts, sighing as he runs a warm calloused hand down your arm soothingly. “Oh honey. Letting your fucking hair down once in a while, doing this shit, allowing yourself to be vulnerable - that doesn’t take anything away from who you are. You’re fucking badass and this just makes you stronger.”

You let his words warm you, taking them to heart. He was right of course and you knew that, but having his support however biased gave you that last bit of validation you needed to come to terms with it all. This was Negan after all. He wasn’t going to hurt you. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen. You enjoyed it and that was that. Easy.

Nodding along you take another long deep breath and sigh, slowly relaxing your muscles in his embrace. Tilting your head you press a tender kiss to the edge of his jaw. Maybe you were pushing it a little but you hoped he wouldn’t mind.

“Thank you.” You whisper softly.

You’re not sure exactly how long you stay like that. Negan alternates between rubbing your back, stroking your arm and scratching at your scalp, murmuring things into your ear about how beautiful you are and how proud he is of you. It’s so uncharacteristic of him but you drink his praise in anyway, slowly sinking further and further into his chest.

At some point Negan chuckles, rearranging you slightly in his lap. “Let’s get you tucked back into bed. Kitten needs a fucking nap after all the excitement don’t ya?”

Just as you’re about to force your muscles to move Negan takes you by surprise, scooping you up in a bridal lift and carrying you round to the side of your bed.

With his help you shuffle back under the comforter and he takes a seat on the edge of the bed by your side. He gently pushes your hair away from your face, stroking down your cheek gently with that look in his eye. You blink slowly at him, feeling completely and utterly exhausted in the every way. In the best way.

The last thing you register is Negan’s voice, sounding soft and quiet. “I won’t be here when you wake up doll but my door is always open for you. No matter what alright? Balls in your court darlin’.”