#but i saw ones so realistic that i kinda wanted a luna one to use as action figure

[shukuchiisms]

~~

[freelancearsonist]

February Fic Recs!

Hi everyone! I’ve realized that part of the problem with interaction within the fic community is that not as many larger creators are doing their part to reblog and recommend fics like they used to when I first joined Tumblr. And while I wouldn’t really consider myself a “large” blog, I still want to do my part to help boost my fellow creators :) So here’s a list of what I read this month!

02.01 // “a letter addressed to the manager of the letter room” by @propertyofabelmorales (Richard Alsonso-Munoz) // I’ve read this at least three times omg because it’s currently the only Richard content we have and it’s wonderfully written and the letter format is unique but really interesting and so fitting given the character so yeah 10/10 please keep ‘em coming Vic 😂

02.02 // “Walls that Come Down” by @houseofthirst (Nathan Bateman) // this made me horny and made me cry at the same time and I think it’s really unfair that you have the power to do that to me tbh 😂 This is so wonderfully written and such a beautiful take on Nathan’s character and ugh lemme go cry in my corner

02.03 // “Meet Me on Endor” by @autumnleaves1991-blog (Poe Dameron) // “You are so beautiful, all the time” made me tear up a little bit because it’s so distinctly Poe and I also horny cried because god I’d give anything for this man

02.04 // “In the Night” by @jawabear (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // this was emotional and beautiful and sexy all at once and it made me cry a lil bit in bed at 2am and honestly I thank you for it

02.05 // “Something About You And I” by @sacklerscumrag (Poe Dameron) // This was beautifully written and also so so so sexy and I realized I might have a bit of unresolved bondage kink while reading this so thanks for that 😂

02.06 // “The Night That Follows” by @roanniom (Poe Dameron) // I found this kind of by accident and then it turned out to be one of the most beautiful fics I’ve ever read in my life??? I’m seriously like trembling how can someone pack so much talent into one sexy fic I’m—

02.07 // “The Punishment” by @mandorush (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // This is so fucking sexy what the fuck and then I found out it’s a whole series??? Yeah so needless to say my 2am binge was entirely worth it omg 🤤

02.08 // “Dessert is on the Counter” by @nathan-bateman (Abel Morales) // I read this before you posted to make the moodboard but I’ve legit reread like seven times since then omg. A quality fic in every way. 10/10

02.09 // “Affection” by @wasicskosgirl (Llewyn Davis) // This is one of my all-time favorite fics for my favorite man 😭 everything about this is so cute and I would literally die to snuggle with this sweet boy 😭

02.10 // “Tell Me” by @rebellou (Poe Dameron) // I don’t even know what to say omfg this is one of the hottest things I’ve ever read in my life and I’d like this fic chiseled onto my gravestone so I have something nice to take with me into the afterlife

02.11 // “Romantic Dreams” by @witchyavenger (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Yeah I want this holy hell this was so spectacularly written and so sexy and 😩 god I can’t even have kids but I wish he would breed me omg

02.12 // “Pressing Camera Questions” by @youvebeenlivingfictional (Nathan Bateman) // Omg this is so wonderfully constructed, even as something of an introductory piece to this series. I’m so excited to see what comes!

02.13 // “Free Fall” by @michaelperry (Mikael Boghosian) // There’s so little fic for Mikael on this site and so finding this kinda felt like striking gold 😂 especially because it’s so wonderfully writing and so sexy and 🤤

02.14 // #valentines fic tag by @propertyofabelmorales (Literally every Oscar Isaac character) // I got to read so many amazing fics today because of the Valentine’s fic exchange but shit dude you went above and beyond!! I wanted to only plug each author once on this fic rec calendar but there’s no way I couldn’t give you a shout out for this. Even in addition to your piece for the fic exchange you wrote so much incredible fic for literally every character I can think of (including Marcus!!!!!!!!! As I’m writing this you haven’t even posted his yet but I saw his name on the list and I’ve been having heart palpitations ever since) so yeah explore this tag because there’s fic for literally everyone and it’s all so wonderfully written and *chef’s kiss*

02.15 // “ghosts” by @unstoppableforcce (Javier Peña) // This one gave me CHILLS omfg this is just the first part and I was rolling on the ground. Everything about this is so beautifully constructed and haunting and UGH this is amazing 😭

02.16 // “Pretty” by @waatermelon-sugaar (Blue Jones) // Holy shit this unlocked like seven kinks that I didn’t even know I had 🤤 this was so wonderfully written and so sexy and realistic? Idk if that’s a good descriptor but like I could feel everything you were describing sdkfdkfjdkfj I LOVED THIS

02.17 // “home.” By @pascal-isaac (Llewyn Davis) // Look I wish I was kidding when I say that I’ve read this fic upwards of seven times sdkjskdjskd this is one of my all-time favorite fics and it only gets hotter with age 😩 this fic is like a fine wine and I would like to have it inscribed on my tombstone when I inevitably escape from this plane of existence

02.18 // “Turning to the Dark...” by @mylifeisactuallyamess (First Order!Poe Dameron) // If I’m being honest I’m not usually a fan of darker fics but this one worked for me. It was so sexy and honestly kind of beautiful in the way you describe the interrogation and later Poe’s willful turning. I really enjoyed this and will probably read again 🥺

02.19 // “My Best Decision” by @knivesareout​ (Javier Peña) // Fuck guys I’ve had baby fever like a motherfucker this month and this made it so much worse 😂 Dad!Javi is so fucking cute omg and this fic was SO SEXY and it really hit all of my bases 😩

02.20 // “my sweet baby” by @writingletterstothefire (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Look I’ve read this fic 293394 times and it’s good EVERY TIME. Dirty Dancing is the good kush and this fic made my obsession with that movie like 1000 times worse omfg. I read this every time I’m in a bad mood and it just puts a smile on my face so fast omg I would literally beg for a longer version

02.21 // “Sounds of Silence” by @veuliee2 (Orestes) // This fic? This fic right here? Lives rent free in my mind. To the truest capacity of the statement. I wish I was kidding when I say that not a single day goes by where I don’t think about this. I don’t even really know what to call this? Maybe Something along the lines of associates to lovers? Whatever this qualifies as it’s literally one of my absolute favorite fics of all time and I will never forget the way you shattered and mended my heart with one story

02.22 // “Mr. & Mrs. Cooper” by @aellynera (Bud Cooper) // THIS IS BRILLIANT THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH ok first of all that this is like one of two fics for this character 😂 but also this is the most beautifully, ironically constructed fic ever? Everything about this is entirely grasping and there’s THREE PARTS that are all just as good as the rest and 😩 I literally couldn’t ask for a more perfect fic

02.23 // “Catch” by @ollypopp (Poe Dameron) // This is a short drabble but I had to include it because DAMN this is so sexy and wonderful for such a short piece and I’ll be thinking about this for the next month so thank you 😂

02.24 // “Blooming most recklessly” by @writefightandflightclub (Evgeni Kolpakov) // This is so beautifully written while simultaneously being so sexy???? How do you do it Luna I am forever in awe of your talent 😭 I can just visualize everything he says and does so clearly and I’m so in love with this piece 😭💛

02.25 // “falling for you” by @luminouspoes (Poe Dameron) // This is the cutest thing ever wtf 😭😭 The pining is so strong even though it’s short and it’s just all around so wonderfully written and I must go cry in my corner now

02.26 // “Liability” by @honeymandos (Nathan Bateman) // THIS WAS GORGEOUS WTF I’m crying over some soft Nathan in this house tonight 😭 I was legit so worried for a while that he’d send reader away but then he CAVED and my heart sang hallelujah—

02.27 // “electric spark” by @woakiees (Duke Leto Atreides) // Hi I need everyone to read this please so it can destroy your body and live in your mind and occupy all of your waking thoughts like it does for me k thanks

02.28 // “The Child” by @starryeyedstories (Poe Dameron) // This was the sweetest thing ever what the heck 😭😭😭 I am eternally sobbing over this lil found family-ish vibe and dad!Poe is literally everything I’ve ever wanted and UGH I have to go cry for the next month

[she-toadmask]

I’m kind of in a mood suddenly so below the cut there will be me just talking about fanfics I have read or am reading and why I like fanfic and stuff because I need to just

Fanfiction fucking rocks the basic part before all the stuff about it as the story just...it’s so easy to access and there’s so much and it’s just all there on the internet I don’t have to find a physical book

And on AO3 (where 90% of good currently-updating fic is afaik) there is TAGGING where you will know what you’re getting into (unless the author suddenly adds a sex scene and only then updates the tags but at least they give a warning at the start of the chapter but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did a couple years ago as long as I know it’s coming I know it’s a tool and it has its uses) with character drama and deaths and all that jazz not to mention how Ash being a badass has a specific tag and just other random things having tags that are important parts of the story

Like there are multiple fics I have found (not all of them are living fics sadly) of writing Ash’s journey in the beginning differently, like there was one I saw once that I kind of forgot to keep reading where he went to Sinnoh (and was still rivals with Paul and I think their ship tag was there?) and it said it was following game plot and then there’s one that I definitely don’t have open anymore because it didn’t update for some amount of time where he had a Joltik and then a Ferroseed and it’s really cool and a different one that’s still living and it’s called Pity of the World and Jesse + James (who is genderfluid in this fic) + Meowth are good people and stuff and just steal abused Pokemon and they run into Ash and they all end up being travel buddies and Ash understands Pokemon (not literally of course that’s not this fic) and also just knows what James’ gender is before they say anything and also in one chapter Zapdos is in Gringy City and says something about friendship being for mortals or something??? idk we’ll see and then there’s a different fic that I was reading and lost when switching devices and Ash was raised by Pokemon and literally can speak Pokemon and it was really neat but I haven’t tried to find where I left off because I’m too lazy for that tbh but it is still updating it’s Symbiosis or Symbiotic or something like that

Most things involving Ash that aren’t shippy or weird like that (ok there are some I’m not interested in but whapdfajaldjakjdf) end up being really cool because he’s a fucking legendary magnet which can either be played for laughs or deadly serious or just not be part of the fic if it isn’t relevant and so many fics use Aura it’s really cool (including Pity of the World I think he mega evolves Pidgeot (who evolves before leaving) when he fights Sabrina who does not have a doll in this fic) and there are different ways they do it and the thing I was mentioning about his connection with Pokemon like maybe it’s just a bit more than normal or it’s just yes he is everything and I kinda skipped out on gens 6 and 7 of the anime but I get enough to understand what they mean in chat fics and when referring to it in other fics it’s really cool

I think I mentioned Creepypasta and how there were two Harry Potter Creepypasta fics, one that was one and was slow to update if it wasn’t dead and one that was on the fourth one actually I was wrong about what number it was I think and updates every two weeks the first one is more lighthearted/written by a younger person like Slendy is a character and Harry x a lot of the ‘pastas I guess and it takes place starting before 4th year and the beginning is kinda meh with some weird dialogue and absurd levels of Dumbledore Ron and Hermione bashing but it does call out some of the other legitimate problems like how the lake trial in the tournament just kidnaps people which is very big because it was Ben who was kidnapped so big yikes there and honestly it’s not what you want to read if you want something really high-quality and serious like not that it doesn’t take itself seriously but it feels closer to something I would have read when I was in middle school than most of the Sanders Sides fics I read (just using that as comparison because the vast majority of that is well-written stuff). Then the other one!!!! For one it has a much more realistic/developed take on the Creepypastas’ existence like how the stories are how they exist with Slenderman being a cosmic horror being thing more than a character with character which is always really cool and Jeff kidnaps Harry as a baby (he is Boy when he is with the Creepypasta and Harry when at Hogwarts and there’s some really cool stuff about how they’re different) and, having lived with murderers, Harry gives zero fucks about things and kills Fluffy in the first book long before other stuff happens, Quirrel tries to use him to get the stone but gets annihilated at the mirror because family and then Voldemort is just a giant white snake for the rest of the series so far and also because he sucks Lockhart tries to exorcise Harry because Harry is fucking nuts and it’s great and also Harry is a Hufflepuff and there is probably more Gryffindor bashing than is necessary and pretty much all the adults get bashed for sucking (like in book 3 the boggart stuff is called out for being hella dangerous for them also Harry can’t cast the Patronus charm make of that what you will idk what) though Harry does make for quite the conversation topic among the teachers, Harry x Neville is the main ship and Neville eventually gets resorted into Hufflepuff because the Gryffindors are being massive dicks to him, also Harry flirts with Draco because Harry gives no fucks and it’s great (also both books give Luna lots of love, like the young one she’s a Seer like from Madame Macabre’s old webcomic that’s dead as it gets and the long one she’s just a good character and shit) and Harry makes these books to spread Slenderman’s legend throughout Britain/the Wizarding World and Draco may have gotten one and survived???? but now Neville has one during the summer months (and also through feeding Fanged Geraniums or whatever live stuff and blood instead of bonemeal he is creating Audrey II and straight-up says something about having to call it Harry Jr. but that’s probably just a little joke and isn’t going to stay beyond this but it’s just fun because Little Shop of Horrors slaps) and I have big fear about him doing the stuff and getting hurt and Harry/Boy conflict will be scary

There’s this other fic I found when trying to find good fics involving Ash and it’s kinda weird and seems to be written by a younger author but we’ll see where things go, like Harry got transported by Celebi to the world of Pokemon and Giovanni is Silver and Ash’s dad and they live with him and also Harry does too and he’s in a wheelchair and also is really smart and I wish we had gotten to spend a bit longer seeing their dynamics before when Harry is 14 the Goblet of Fire somehow spits his name out and Celebi helps with getting Harry (and also the other three because of course) safely there without dying because dimensional travel is hard and Celebi is friend and Luna gets to be important here too I think she’s shown up as a named student and guided them to a room and seems to know things about the castle and that’s kinda all there is so far there’s a bit more but it’s not got a lot yet I hope the author keeps going it’s a weird idea but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes

Oh I forgot to talk about it but there’s this whump Ash fic that was being written under one title but it got dropped and now it’s being rewritten with the same concept but under a new title and going about a lot of things a different way it’s just the same starting premise and the fic is Helpless and Ash almost dies multiple times and there’s this theme of adults failing him and also Gary fucks a thing up and Ash needs support and therapy (a good number of fics have Ash needing therapy but given the shit he’s been through that is not surprising especially from my limited knowledge of Kalos holy shit Lysandre was doing some mad shit) and it’s just good but it is a lot of hospital and Ash being hurt and almost dying so be warned if that isn’t a safe read for you

The reason I don’t just outright block explicit anymore despite the horrors of trying to find safe Pokemon fic on AO3 amidst the consensual porn, incest porn, pokephilia porn, etc., is I randomly decided to try and find some Sonic fanfic on AO3 because a couple people on YouTube have been doing Sonic story stuff (Sonic What If has some good stuff that’s just... what-if scenarios and then there’s Sonic Rewritten which takes a game’s plot and then redoes it but good like the Deadly Six having personalities or Sonic 06 not having maybe bestiality or Generations being more than ‘oh past and present stages now have nostalgia’ and Robotnik and Eggman are significantly different people in that one and it’s really cool) and I thought maybe I would find some good stuff on AO3 (which I have but nothing that I want to ramble about specifically though there was one fic where Eggman does Tails clone and then his original body dies so he’s stuck looking like Tails and it’s kinda wild) and I found a fic that was marked explicit because torture and violence (honestly it wasn’t that bad) and I like it and don’t want to miss something that I might like by accidentally blocking it and now when I try to find Pokemon fic I have to see Leon x Hop and Pokemon x human smut.

There’s one Sanders Sides fic that I was reading and I don’t remember the name nor do I know if it’s updating I think I lost it but it started from the beginning of the series with the Dark Sides being a platonic poly family and when they weren’t in the episode they were talking about it/the Light Sides and it’s honestly really really good and the author just decided to have Deceit’s name be Janus and it was amazing when it turned out that was his real name it was just great but IDK if the fic has been abandoned, I think I lost it in the shift, but it was really good (but sympathetic dark sides and unsympathetic patton and roman and logan for a bit so do be warned if those aren’t comfortable for you)

Oh yeah I remembered another fic I can talk about there was this one Creepypasta fic and it’s completed and it is a Jeff x Reader but it kind of just stops being about the romance after a certain point and just goes way off the rails. It starts like ‘oh this will be a normal x reader with mansion and Slendy is dad and Zalgo is probably evil’ and then NOPE SLENDERMAN HAS BEEN RAISING FAMILIES THAT LOVE HIM TO TURN THEM INTO CRYSTALS TO MAKE HIM MORE POWERFUL AND ZALGO IS AGAINST THAT and it just is great like I never see Zalgo being good, like Slenderman being evil or whatever is plenty common (especially in the innumerable ARG fics I don’t read because I don’t have the attention span to learn what the fuck the source is) but never in tandem with Zalgo being anything but chaotic evil n shit it’s wild and it’s great and also Slenderman’s parents have faces I guess idk that was weird also there is one smut chapter but like the author said you can skip the smut and I did and didn’t feel like I missed any plot stuff so if that’s a no for you just keep an eye out for the author’s warning. It is by a younger writer, as demonstrated by its daily updates while it was being written, tiny chapters, and some general writing style stuff common to younger writers, but honestly I just love it for being something so wildly different, under the guise of a typical x Reader fic.

Speaking of ship stuff and Creepypasta the trilogy of Sans x Creepypasta fics are amazing. The writer definitely improves over time, the beginning of the first book kind of has the weird ‘then I knew I was in love’ stuff from a couple of the pastas (then again I’m ace and demiro so starting romance is just generally weird) but it is just a really good series. Sans ends up with seven kids in the third book and, while everyone else in the Undertale cast is bashed in the first two, Papyrus does seem to get some redemption in the third, so there is that. Also Murderer Sans is a fantastic tag, Gaster made a deal with Zalgo to create the skelebros and Sans is more demon than Papyrus by a lot and Zalgo is trying to kidnap Sans and Sans’ children so he has his family together to destroy the world and wander free and it’s wild and also Chara and Flowey show up and also LJ being an angel is mentioned and relevant to the plot for a bit so that’s neat and I don’t know all the details of how it ends because I lost it when I shifted and didn’t want to find where I was but it’s a great fic (albeit with a few things I can argue on) and the author has also been writing other Sans x Creepypasta stuff but I haven’t read it because idk

I really wish I had a good Minecraft fanfic to gush about but I really don’t it’s hard to find Minecraft fic that isn’t tuber-based, either Dream and friends (which occasionally I find a good one but so much is either Dream SMP which I have no interest in getting into, involves people I don’t know from Dream SMP, or just is shippy or straight-up doesn’t have a premise I’m interested in) or Hermitcraft (I fell behind so I have no idea what’s happening anymore) (but also like Mianite and Aphmau stuff but not as much as used to, but now Dream rules all so), and it just sucks. Like if some of it was Team Crafted fic I would be on board like hell yeah give me that nostalgia juice but it’s so much shit I just don’t know. I love the idea of Minecraft fanfic because there are so many options for the world and you can either make your own characters and you probably have to but then there’s just if you use Steve Alex Herobrine or Notch how they are written depends on the author and I live for that shit it’s a big part of why I read Creepypasta fic it’s because I like when there are different ways characters can be done (not unsympathetic or sympathetic like Patton so much like straight-up different characters) like Herobrine and Notch are the big ones like good vs evil, involved vs not, serious vs comedic, there are so many different ways to play them and I’m so disappointed AO3 doesn’t have much of it and so much of it is just Dream stuff and it usually just isn’t what I’m after in a fic.

The only other fics coming to mind right now are two wildly different fics involving Springtrap x Reader, one of them is being transferred from Wattpad for copy reasons, complete with tiny-ass chapters and that language that’s just so middle-school in the best way possible (like William and Springtrap are different consciousnesses and they way the author describes their struggle at one point is just so similar to a stupid thing I did and I have so much affection for it) and the other is legitimately really really good and the reader-insert has recently found out that Springtrap is William Afton and has murdered many children and they are currently dying multiple times to help his victims pass on because they can see ghosts and it’s actually really good and I have no idea where things are going, reader has currently met up with Michael Afton, currently all purple and dead and stuff, and has learned about remnant (weird-ass shit from modern FNAF lore) and it’s getting wild. I feel like there are two types of FNAF fic, ones in the style of FNAF 3/4 and earlier and ones from maybe 4 onward. Like ones where the lore was basically ‘bad man committed murder against children and they’re possessing the animatronics and that’s why they’re trying to kill you’ and then 4 starts having some more expansive lore ish and then after that it just goes everywhere with remnant and scooping and even more locations and also the books matter probably??? There is this one fic involving Glitchtrap that hasn’t updated in a bit and it’s fun, I like the idea of Glitchtrap and really wish I could read more fic just centered around FNAF VR. Then again, BEN was always one of my favorites and after I stopped being absolutely terrified of Herobrine I really liked his possibilities, maybe I just like the story utility and possible execution of characters with wide-ranging powers over technology and affecting the real world outside of it, IDK.

Ok I’m out of ramble energy, and also topics unless I go more in-depth about specific character options, but my energy is gone so I think that’s the end of it. I typed 3,000 words about fanfictions I’m reading and probably could have talked more about some of them if I wanted. This is my new hyperfixation. I guess. At least I know I have one, it’s reassuring to know for some reason, like for a while I missed how much Pokemon was my life in elementary school and Minecraft was in sixth grade, like it was nice just having something to focus on, though maybe that’s just the college and depression talking.

That was good, I’m glad I did that. Y’all are loved.

If you seriously read this entire thing... Wow. I really appreciate you digitally listening to me talking about random fanfic shit that I like. You’re really really cool.

[bre-meister]

I finished it

Welcome to the second and final part of my rant about Fate: the Winx Saga. After this you will see no more of this bullshit here on my blog. As before, if you wish to stay for the rant under the cut, feel free. Or don’t. I probably wouldn’t tbh

Where to start

It’s so hard to comprehend the passage of time in this show

Sometimes characters will say “It’s been weeks...” and I just don’t see the character or plot development reflecting the passage of time. It does not add up

Stella all of a sudden being friends with the girls and everyone being completely cool??? NO! WHERE WAS THAT DEVELOPMENT!?

Stella’s mom is a bitch who could go die in a ditch

I would also like to say that I was kinda right about the whole Rickie situation

The adults in this series are A L L shady as hell. I do not blame Bloom for not trusting them because I sure as hell wouldn’t even without Beatrix playing her little mind games

Legit why would they think the students would trust them when all they do is gaslight them and keep secrets and then pretend like that’s not what they’re doing?

There is just too much going on with Rosalind to even begin to address that

So are witches a legit thing now? But still no Cloud tower

the witches are just straight, legit 100% bad... why?

Just why?

At least the dragon flame is a thing

I saw someone mention the lack of the casual use of magic and i have to agree. In the Original they used magic all the time to complete menial tasks 

Netflix is out here trying to tell me that in a “more realistic” Winx universe people wouldn’t use magic to carry their luggage? Take a good pic? Get ready for a party???? 

Dane went 0-100 with absolutely no development

And Riven went 100-10 with about the same development 

The writing is just so inconsistent

I will say they did get me to cry a bit on that Musa, her mom, and Sam almost dying story line

Also why were there so few burned ones at the end for Bloom to fight? They really set it up like there was just so many ... so where’d they go?

The fight scene… we gotta talk about the transformation

 It was not a real transformation and i kinda wish they’d just left it alone completely

 Not a fan of the wings made of fire - they looked cool at first when she was originally “making” them but after? It looked more like her powers were just going crazy behind her

This is kind of a personal thing but i would have petted just solid wings with some old fashioned glitter like they’ve always been 

And her clothes didn’t change? It’s not a transformation if the outfits don’t change!

Everyone hating on Aisha for snitching was not cool

Bro, i get Bloom wanted answers but Aisha was right, she could have waited 24 hours and let Fera explain and do all that together I don’t think singling her out for doing what (at least i assume but ya never know) a lot of people would have done

Calling her a teachers pet for that wasn’t cool

There was just so much racism in they way her character was handled 

period

Homophobia was rampant with Riven and Dane

Not Terra’s dad forgetting about his daughter when the burned ones attacked 

Also, Musa said Terra was a great operator but SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING SHE JUST HELD HIS HAND and maybe applied pressure??

Inconsistent as hell

The montage of Bloom with her parents was kinda nice but again, when the hell did all of those girls become friends? I didn’t happen on screen I’ll tell you that

When Bloom said she was born in 2004 it legit took me back a sec

I was born in 2002 no way those girls and guys are younger than me

Sometimes (especially with Stella and Terra) I would forget they were supposed to be 16

This made it really awkward that I was reminded that they are in fact 16 and then they would talk about sex

a lot

and then of course when Musa and Sam almost legit HAD sex on screen

I get it, there are some 16 year olds who do it but at the same time it makes me feel weird 

I didn’t like it

They legit could have made them 20 in the show. This was supposed to be a grittier adaptation I promise no one would have cared technically its Alfea COLLEGE anyway, it didn’t really matter

Wish we could have gotten some more specialist + fairy action but, guess not

Sometime I forgot this show was supposed to be “Winx Club” and those were the times i found myself actually enjoying it a bit?It really didn’t need to be attached to the Winx name at all

Also still never said WINX one time in the show!

They keep saying that mind fairies are super powerful and all but it still doesn’t feel like Musa did that much

or even Tera for that matter and the show took extra time to emphasize that she was really good during that training day

I unintentionally split my viewing in half (first three then last three) and it just emphasized how bad the pacing wasIt kinda seems like the first three episodes drag while the last three are so jam packed some things just felt so rushed

Scenes were not given the time to have the emotional impact they should have been

I also feel like Stella should have had a scene at the end confronting her mom about running away? Just me?

Along those lines it just seems like so many things were dumped in your lap and left to sit there right at the end

Almost nothing was tied up

Sky’s dad being alive?

I know he wasn’t the best father in the cartoon but he wasn’t this bad

Same goes for all the parents (especially Queen Luna)And i guess Radius just doesn’t exist as well

Also if this whole thing takes place in Solaria - the realm with, what 3 suns? - WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH RAIN AND CLOUDS!? 

I don’t think it ever rained on Solaria in the cartoon unless something was genuinely wrong

I just have so many feelings that cannot be explained in words so... here you go

[fvckyouimaprophet]

FanFic asks! F, G, H, I, K, M, O, P, R, S, T, W, X, and Y!

omg, ash! ily! you always send me so many, and i appreciate it so much. since this is dreadfully long, though, i’m gonna put it under a read-more.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I shared one already here. But I’ll share another, ha.

He followed them through the kitchen and past the study until he saw two silhouettes in the balcony. They were speaking at no louder than a whisper, but Harry and his mother stood a foot apart, their faces barely lit by the embers of their cigarettes.

“I’m worried that it’ll be more difficult than either of us can imagine.” Harry’s voice was low enough that Draco had to strain to hear. His heart felt tight in his chest as he took shallow breaths, afraid that anything too deep might give him away to them.

“Whatever it is, he can take it.” Narcissa stretched her arm out and tapped the cigarette holder, ashes falling beyond the balcony to the grounds beneath.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“How?”

“Because he has to. He has no other choice.” His mother’s typically stiff posture wavered, and Harry lifted his hand, moving carefully and slowly until it was on top of Narcissa’s, both of them clutching the balcony rail.

“I’ll take care of him.”

“I know.”

- - -

I really enjoy writing Harry and Narcissa, both strangers who have taken leaps of faith to trust one another, tied together by their love for Draco.

Generally, I find Narcissa difficult to write. She’s formal and stiff, and the way she shows affection isn’t straightforward. But you do her a diservice if you don’t acknowledge that beneath the straight face and put-upon manners, she has the capacity to love deeply and fiercly.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I answered that here.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Nah. I’m less of a reader than a writer of fic, but I’m actually pretty open about it. Obviously, not with everyone, but I think I’ve been more open than most with it since high school. My parents found out when I was like 16, and after they just kinda shrugged it off, I stopped being secretive about it, lol.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

God, as a teen, all I did was write angst. Most of it was pretty offensive in retrospect, so let’s go down that memory lane. 

I had the fic where Blaine and Sebastian get kidnapped and drugged, and Blaine thinks he and Sebastian fall in love over the course of months, but he finds out (once he’s rescued) that Sebastian was dead the whole time.

There’s the Niff fic with early-onset Alzheimer's, which is just about as tasteful as you’re imagining.

One of my first 10 fics was a Draco/Blaise fic in which they're in an emotionally (and physically I think?) abusive relationship in which Blaise uses Draco for sex.

There are at least 10 other fics that were illness-based, involved kidnapping, use the "it was all in [character a’s] head” trope, or feature major character death.

And then there are the additional 10+ fics that are just break-up or post-break-up fics.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I have a multichap Cheryl/Toni (Riverdale) fake dating AU that will eventually come to fruition—I hope. 

Essentially, there’s a yearly exclusive senior soiree across all sororities, and although Cheryl gets invited, the rules have been changed to be couples only. She’s furious because 

She’s been hooking up with a few women. The one she jives with the most is Toni, but they’re not exactly close friends. They start fake dating, but the woman organizing the event doesn’t believe them and is threatening to revoke Cheryl’s invitation.

As a response, Cheryl decides that they have to spend way more time together to make it realistic. They both complain that it’s interfering with their lives, but after Cheryl catches Toni at a club with another woman, she realizes that she’s oddly jealous (although she disguises it under the guise of being angry that Toni almost blew their cover).

By the time the event comes around, they’ve genuinely fallen in love, but because they’re both stubborn, they try to go back to how they were after it’s over. They’re both miserable with it and eventually admit their feelings.

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

I answered that here.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I answered that here.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Tony Kushner and Oscar Wilde. I aspire to their level of banter. Also, with Kushner, he’s really great at dropping you in the middle of a relationship (romantic or platonic) and just having you feel the weight of everything that came before you. Just one line, and I’m unraveling. I want to be able to do that.

Otherwise, it kinda changes with the times. When I was younger, it was more lyrical authors. I’m more dialogue-driven now, so it’s occasionally playwrights, but mostly it’s something that’s concise yet still emotional/descriptive.

I don’t think I emulate it at all with fic, but The Great Gatsby is the platonic ideal of writing for me. It’s evocative (the scene with the curtains wafting while Daisy and Jordan smoke opium puts me in a trance!), subtle and intentional (the queer subtext in the elevator scene), and it doesn’t ever linger in a moment for too long.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I answered that here.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I answered that here (in great depth, lol).

W: Do you like more general prompts or more specific ones?

Hmm, I enjoy a good mix of both. I always end up getting more into specific prompts than I think I will, and it allows me to write stuff I likely wouldn’t otherwise. But I enjoy the freedom that comes with a prompt that’s just like “Wolfstar coffee shop AU”.

That said, when it is specific, I don’t really want to be told what the begnining, middle, and end of my fic should be. I’m cool with a specific set-up, but unless I ever did a giveaway, I want the room to make my own choices within it.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

I like a lot of asshole men (Draco from Harry Potter, Sebastian from Glee, Connor from HTGAWM, etc). I feel like I make them suffer a lot, which is partially because they deserve it because they can be selfish, callous, and even occasionally cruel (also, Draco was a wizard Nazi, basically). But it’s also because I really enjoy seeing closed-off characters pushed into situations where they have to confront their emotions and are essentially forced into vulnerability. 

All that said, while I’ve stayed away from angst lately, Sirius and Remus lend themselves so easily to heartache.

Y: A character you want to protect.

All women—whoops. Most female characters are treated awfully by fandom, and I just want to see them happy. Especially if I’m writing something sapphic, those communities are already so much smaller within most fandoms, so I’d rather just focus on their joy. For example, Luna/Ginny is a relatively popular sapphic HP fic, but it has only 2,035 works on AO3, whereas Wolfstar has 18,646, and Drarry has a whopping 42,158.

And while there are popular fics (for example, Clexa has 11,884, Swan Queen has 12,709, and Supercorp has has 13,708 works on AO3), those are few and far between.) 

Even looking from it as a whole, there are 3,194,665 m/m works and 563,043 w/w fics. Nearly six times the amount!! It's just a bummer.

Anyway, this turned into a rant about something that’s so not the question.

Also, when I wrote Coliver a lot, the answer was Oliver.

[thetokenmuggle]

Sailor Moon Au

“You good?” Jane asked poking M’s dimple to get him to pay attention to her. “You kinda zoned off on me there,” she said pouting. M laughed, a muttered apology escaping his lips.

They were sat in their, well Jane’s booth at the arcade, Tara had managed to drag Enzo along to the library, Lucas was sat at one of the racing games surrounded by his fans. Minah and Tyler were sat two booths behind them spying - well trying to spy, M was pretty sure if the people you were spying knew you were there it wasn’t too effective.

Jane hummed taking a sip of her iced tea, she looked at M with a small frown on her face. “But seriously M if something is bothering you, you can tell me,” Jane said softly, wrapping her hand around his and squeezing softly. “We are a team,” she said. M smiled kissing the top of her head, memories of her giving up on - well delaying - being the new ruler of the Silver Millennium to stay on earth with her friends, with him.

“Its nothing serious,” M said as Jane’s eyes narrowed. “Really,” he said with a laugh, “I guess i just -” he said pausing trying to figure out how to explain what he was feeling, he was still trying to process everything that had happened over the last couple of months.

“M i wouldn’t care if you were upset because Tyler ugly Gucci sweater was hurting your eyes, I would want to know,” Jane said as an affronted hey could be heard behind them. “Now tell me before i steal the rest of your fries,” Jane threatened.

“I just… wonder what happened to the rest of them,” He said, he didn’t need to say who the them was, especially not with prying and disapproving ears nearby. The only reason Enzo managed to sneak back into the fold was because Tyler was weak for his pseudo younger sister and still held onto a lot of guilt of what happened to her during the silver millennium.

Jane sighed pressing a soft kiss into his skin before lifting her head. “I am sure they are okay,” she said giving him a small smile. “They get to live their lives out as normal people, its what they deserve after being effectively brainwashed for over a century,” she said. M nodded, thinking about his knights was hard because he missed people he barely knew. “If you are meant to find each other, I am sure it will happen just like it did with us,” she bopping his nose. “Trust me, earth boy,” she said with a grin. “I am Sailor Moon after all,” she boasted.

“Of course if the Sailor Moon tells me to trust her then what choice do i have,” M teased. “Anyway we better get you home,” he said. “It’s the first day of your senior year tomorrow,” M said laughing as Jane’s face scrunched up in disgust.

“Don’t remind me,” She huffed. “Why can’t summer last forever,” she whined.

“I think it might be bad for the planet, you know ice caps melting and all,” M teased as Jane huffed. “But seriously it will be fine,” he said rubbing her back. “Before you know it the year will be over and you will get to graduate with your best friend… and Tyler,” he said.

“I won’t see you as much,” Jane pouted. “Are you sure you have to go university?” she whined. “You could just work at the arcade full time and be there in the afternoon to make my day better,” she said, “Or better yet you could work at the school, i think you made a great gardener, the perfect distraction for when i don’t want to pay attention in class,” she grinned.

“You’ll still see me,” M assured her. “And maybe you could just study hard so you can go to the same university as me next year,” M offered.

“Well that is a given,” Jane said as if it was the most obvious thing the world. “Us going to university together was never in question it’s just can’t you do a gap year so we can start together,” she said as her phone rang out, she picked up and rolled her eyes. “It’s Etienne,” she said her nose scrunching up. “I better get going,” she frowned. “We are still meeting at our normal spot tomorrow morning right?” she asked ignoring her phone completely.

“Of course,” M nodded smiling softly, “I’ll bring the coffee, you bring the croissants,” he said. Jane grinned pecking his lips before getting up. “Text me when you get home,” he said standing up as well to walk her out.

“I will, I will,” she said doing a mock salute. “Tyler and Minah our date is over so you can come out now,” Jane called out to her two friends who stood up looking annoyed.

“And we care because?” Tyler said rolling his eyes. “We were on our own date,” he boasted as Minah turned to look at him with a disgusted face.

“You wish you overgrown chipmunk,” Minah with an eye roll. “And i’ll take a caramel frappuccino M, since you are offering to bring coffee tomorrow, it’s my first day of senior year as well you know,” she said turning to face M, a smirk that had bought many a man to their knees on her face.

“Oh, I’ll have -” Tyler started.

“Don’t even try it, Lee,” Jane said with a glare. “Should we tell Lucas we are leaving?” she said looking over towards the small crowd that had gathered around the younger boy. Minah scoffed looking over at the group, shaking her head as she glared at the group of girls.

“Pathetic,” she spat. “I better go save him before he is stuck trying to appease those idiots,” she said with a scowl. Minah wasn’t exactly a fan of Lucas’s mini fan club, in fact, she had called them rabid vultures on more than a few occasions. “Honestly he is too nice to his own good,” she muttered.

“He got it from me,” Tyler said boastfully as Minah once again rolled her eyes. “What? i taught him everything he knows,” Tyler said proudly. Jane had told M about how Tyler had pretty much adopted Lucas after he was revealed as the third Sailor Scout, even changing schools to guide him.

“You taught him nothing,” Minah said rolling her eyes. “If anything you’ve been a bad influence on him, poor baby looking up to you,” she said. “But since you care so much about your protege go get him,” she said pushing Tyler forward. Tyler stumbled turning only to glare at Minah before marching forward to Lucas.

“You know M we are friends,” Minah said out of nowhere causing M to look at her as if she had grown a second head. “I am just saying if you are lonely you don’t need to find-” she started but stopped a frown. “We are you, friends, as well,” she said. M didn’t need to look over at Jane to know she was beaming, her best friend and her boyfriend being friends was all she wanted. M was saved from replying when an annoyed Tyler returned with a laughing Lucas.

“What happened?” Jane asked looking at the two amused by their respective moods.

“Well Tyler came over to get me,” Lucas started, “And you know Tyler, he was being nice and most of the girls were charmed by him but - “ he said before breaking into a fit of giggles, M had to chuckle there was something funny about this deep voice giant boy giggling. “But Stephanie, you know the girl with glasses, she said -” he continued to speak. Tyler scowled beside him, elbowing him. “That she wasn’t interested in old men and that he should be home at the nursery home instead of bugging me,” Lucas said.

Jane and Minah began to giggle before Tyler narrowed his eyes. “You two shouldn’t laugh, she called you two hags who are clearly trying to hook up with Lucas,” he said. M tried not to laugh at the way both Jane and Minah’s face fell and morphed into a pure murderous rage.

“As if!” They both said at the same time. “No offence Lucas, you are very cute but i already have my man,” Jane said kissing M’s cheek as to prove a point.

“And i would never,” Minah said a look of pure disgust on her face. “You are like a brother to me, that is just no -” she said shaking her head. “As the leader of the Sailor Scouts, i say no more Stephanie,” she huffed. A chorus of agrees came from Jane and Tyler respectively.

“Let’s just get going, I don’t want that deluded woman’s words to ruin my night,” Minah said linking arms with Lucas. “And you and I, my sweet boy are going to have a long discussion about why you shouldn’t let those idiotic kids leach off you,” she said as they walked off.

“I think we should go to my grandfather’s temple tomorrow,” Tyler said following after them. “Do some sort of spirt cleanse to make sure you don’t attract any more bad vibes,” he added. M watched after them with an amused smile, Jane’s friends were certainly something.

“I guess this is where we part old man,” Jane said turning around to face him.

“Yeah, if Tyler is an old man then i bet get going back to the crypt,” M joked. “You better get going, i heard little old ladies like you need their beauty sleep,” he said causing Jane to glare playfully. “But seriously between Etienne and Luna if you don’t get home soon, I’ll seriously fear for my life,” he joked.

“Fine,” Jane sighed. “I guess i will have to go home to save you from my stepfather and cat,” she said in mock seriousness. With one final goodbye kiss, Jane raced off after her friends leaving M to go in the opposite direction back to his own apartment.

--

M sighed as he walked into his apartment block, he had finished a quick grocery shop for the basics and was ready to curl up on his couch and read a good book or maybe browse Netflix and see if they finally recommend him something he actually wants to watch. He considered walking up the flight of stairs, recently he had been taking the stairs because it was ‘healthy’ realistically he had been wearing shorts more often and as sad as it was he wanted his legs to look good but he tonight he is just going to take the easy way out and go on the elevator.

Stepping into the elevator, he pressed his floor number and moved into a corner, placing his shopping bags on the ground. He leaned back relaxing his little corner as the doors started to close when he saw two people racing forward to the elevator shouting for him to keep the door open. M stepped forward stopping the door from shutting just long enough for the pair to get into the elevator.

M stepped back letting the door close with full force. “Thank you so much,” a female voice called out. M turned to look at the panting pair in front of him, his eyes widening with recognition there in front of him was Daehyung and Eunha. While they look almost identical to their previous incarnations there were a few subtle differences, the biggest being the blonde hair that Daehyung always had has been replaced by light brown locks. Eunha perhaps looked a year or two younger then her past version had.

“Ah yeah no problem,” M said awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. “What floor?” M asked unable to stop staring at the twosome. It was a peculiar sensation to be in such a small space with them given his last actual memory of them was fighting against them (there was, of course, his very last memory of seeing them die but he was under Beryl and Metalia’s control so everything was fuzzy and honestly was that memory even he is own, he wasn’t sure).

“The Ninth,” Daehyung spoke eyeing M curiously, M wondered momentarily if there were some remnants of his past memories left maybe he recognised him somehow. “Is that your package?” Daehyung asked cocking an eyebrow as he eyes raked over M.

“Daniel,” Eunha said, it sounded like a warning. “Stop it,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“I was talking about that,” he said nodding to M’s groceries. “Though if our elevator saver would like to show me any of his other packages i wouldn’t mind,” Daehyung said, well Daniel said, winking at M. M blinked in response, he’d never known Daehyung to flirt with him, he was in whatever it was with Sungjae before and from his rather limited memories of the silver millennium he was more interested in Tyler.

“Daniel,” Eunha repeated shaking her head. “Can you please stop flirting with every guy we run into? Wasn’t it bad enough you got rejected by that one guy just before?” she asked. M had to stop himself from laughing at the face Daniel pulled in response.

“I do not flirt with every guy,” Daniel huffed, “I have standards, thank you very much,” he said very much affronted and offended. “And i wasn’t rejected, that other guy just didn’t understand me,” Daniel said, “stupid shortie,” he muttered under his breathe. “And our saviour over here hasn’t said no,” he said wagging his eyebrows at M causing M to break out into laughter. “Well that’s rude,” Daniel said, stepping back as Eunha patted his back sympathetically.

“No its not like that,” M said quickly, “I am very flattered and if i was single and gay i would definetly take you up on whatever you were offering,” M said as Daniel looked at him with a confused look on his face. “But i am straight and taken so -” he shrugged.

“What a waste,” Daniel said rolling his eyes.

M coughed, “And since we live on the same floor I should introduce myself, Hi i’m M,” he said with a small wave.

“We have to introduce ourselves to everyone who live on our floor?” Daniel questioned. “Ah how exhausting,” he whined with a pout. M tried not to smile at the difference, just a few seconds he was a confident flirt and now a cute whiny baby. “Fine,” He sighed. “I am the Daniel Choi and this is my cousin Emily,” he said, gesturing to Eunha who was staring down, the tiniest hint of a blush on her face.

“The Daniel Choi?” M asked curiously. The previous version of Daehyung was very arrogant, always boasting how he was better than well everyone, so he wouldn’t be surprised if Daniel was the same.

“Yes the Daniel Choi,” Daniel said, rolling his eyes. “I am a model, a very famous one at that,” he said sounding offended. “But i don’t suppose you would know that,” he said looking at M, “I should figured out anyone who would wear that shirt wouldn’t know anything about fashion,” he huffed.

“Daniel,” Emily said shaking her head. “I am sorry about my cousin, he doesn’t do well with meeting new people,” she said glaring at her cousin who only rolled his eyes in response . “It’s nice to meet you M,” she said, turning her attention back to him. “I am assuming M is short for something?” she questioned.

“Ofcourse it is,” Daniel exclaimed. “Who would name their child after a letter?” he said with an eye roll,,” And if they were why would they choose M and not a better letter like A or Z or Q,” Daniel said. “M is not a top 10 letter is all i am saying,” he ranted.

“You have ranked the alphabet?” Emily asked looking at her cousin incredulously. “And again i am sorry about my cousin M is a perfectly acceptable nickname,” she said politely to M.

“Not really but i figure a lame letter E would be last,” Daniel said as if it was something important, “Or like W, i don’t know? but D would definitely be at the top,” he said matter o’factly.

“Why is E last?” Emily whined childishly, “Lots of good things start with E?” she said pouting.

“Sweetie,” Daniel said condescendingly, “You are an expectation to the rule, name another good thing that starts with E?” Daniel challenged.

“Earth?” M interjected, “It's a pretty good place if you ask me,” he added as Emily turned to Daniel a victorious look on her face. A mumbled no one asked you escaped Daniel’s mouth. “And to answer your question yes M is short for something,” M said to Emily.

“Shock horror,” Daniel said mockingly.

“Anyway to apologize for my cousin being rude … again,” Emily said, sounding very tired. “Would you like to have dinner with us?” she offered sweetly.

“Emmy,” Daniel warned with an almost growl, “Sweetie, my lovely baby cousin, you can’t just invite random men to our apartment,” Daniel says in a sarchaningly sweet tone. “Especially not straight ones,” he practically spat. “And you don’t even think of accepting, she is a highschooler,” he said to M. From the murderous look he was receiving M felt like Daehyun was back in the room with him.

“Daniel,” Emily snapped, “Firstly I am not inviting a random man, I am inviting M, one of our new neighbours, to dinner. Secondly you invited random men to our house all the time, all types of men , “she said, putting particular emphasis on all types of men. “And lastly you are high schooler too Einstein,” she huffed.

“Excuse us,” Daniel said to M, before pulling Emily to the opposite side of the elevator. M watched as the pair had what looked like a very intense conversation, given the confined space they were in he was impressed with how much he couldn’t hear. The discussion ended with Daniel pulling a face before stomping back over to M head hung low.

“Would you like to come to our apartment for dinner because apparently we need to have some friends in this apartment,” Daniel grumbled reluctantly. M looked over Daniel’s shoulder to see Emily giving him a thumbs up.

“Uh well I would love to but i’ve already eaten,” He said, frowning at how that sounded like a lame excuse, “But I could hang out for a little bit, if you want?” M offered. “It might come as a shock to you since we just met but I don't exactly have many friends in this apartment either,” he said. A voice from the back of his head sang out that he didn’t have many friends in general but no one needed to know that.

“Ofcourse,” Emily said with a nod just as the elevator dinged signalling they were on the ninth floor.

“Great, I’ll just drop these off in my apartment first,” M said, lifting up his groceries bags. “Would you like me to bring anything over?” M offered.

Daniel and Emily shared a look, before sheepishly grinning at M. “Well you see we haven’t really finished unpacking,” she said scratching the back of her neck. “So maybe you could bring some plates?” she said, looking down trying to hide her embarrassment with her hair.

“Sure no problem,” M said with a smile. “If you ever need help unpacking I am a pretty organized person,” M boasted as he stepped out of the elevator, Daniel and Emily followed suit stepping out. “By the way what apartment are you?“ he asked.

“906,” Emily answered. M nodded in response, he should have figured that out Mrs Bennett, a nosey old lady who M was not fond off in the slightest had moved out to live with her daughter and her ‘adorable’ grandchildren, a bratty pair of four year olds who once broke the apartments elevator with their experiments.

“Okay i’ll see you guys in a few minutes,” M said as he stepped in front of his apartment, Daniel spared a second glance before sauntering down the hallway. Emily gave her an apologetic smile before following after her cousin.

M stepped into his home, a cozy (read small) one bedroom apartment, reaching out and flicking the lights on M moved to kitchen area dropping his groceries on the bench. He pulled out his phone contemplating whether he should message Jane about the latest developments. It seemed his choice was made for him when his phone chimed letting him know he had a message.

moon princess🌙 : got home safely ✌️

moon princess🌙 : minah says she got home safely as well.

M pulled his lip between his teeth as he tried to figure out how he should tell Jane about Daniel and Emily. He briefly considered not telling her just yet, after all what would be the point of potentially stressing anyone (Tyler) out but Daniel did mention Emily was a highschooler so there was a very slim chance she would end up at the same school as Jane and her guardians.

tuxedo m 🌹 : did entienne give you a hard time?

tuxedo m 🌹 : and that is good to know ….🤨

tuxedo m 🌹 : i have some news…

moon princess🌙 : he did 🙄 sometimes he is such a hypocrite

moon princess🌙 : and it is!! I was very worried about her, you know after she put her arm around lucas i seriously thought stephanie might have followed her home..

moon princess🌙 : hmm is it good news?

tuxedo m 🌹: he is just trying to look after you, he is a little misguided but he means well

tuxedo m 🌹: and true you hags wouldn’t be able to handle an attack from her

tuxedo m 🌹: i am not entirely sure… maybe

He didn’t get a chance to finish responding when his phone started to ring. M sighed, pressing answer, “M are you okay? What is going on? Do I need to come over?” she asked in a rush, M smiled imagining Jane ready to fight whatever imaginary enemy she thinks M had run into.

“Jane, I am fine,” He said loud enough to get Jane’s attention. “It is just,” he said taking a breath, “ you know how i said if i was meant to find the shitennou i would, well i did,” he said glancing towards the door. “Well two of them anyway,” he added.

“Oh,” Jane said, “Hang on a second i have to put this on speaker Luna is demanding to know what is going on,” she said, M could hear the eye roll through the phone. “Okay done,” she said, in the background M could hear Luna telling Jane off. “Anyway, so which two? Please tell me its not Sungjae and Daehyung,” Jane whined. “If they are a couple again I swear,” she growled.

“She means because they were pretty dangerous last time,” Luna said seriously. M put his own phone on speaker moving about his kitchen, putting the perishables in the fridge.

“Well yeah but also if i see Minah sad it’s on sight and also i don’t need to remind anyone here how annoying Tyler Lee can be,” Jane huffed. M winced as memories of the Sungjae and Daehyung romance came to mind, from what he could recall from his time on the ‘dark side’ was that the relationship was toxic and actually left him feeling sorry for Daehyung.

“Well you got one of them, it’s Daehyung and Eunha,” he said as closed as his fridge. “But they go by Daniel and Emily now,” he said. “Apparently Daehyung, well Daniel, is a model these days,” he said hearing Jane snort in the background. “Still cocky as always but seems nice enough,” he said. “He even hit on me,” he said.

“He did what now?” Jane said. “Should i be worried?” she asked, it sounded like she was joking but M heard the tiniest hint of panic in her tone.

“Of Course not, “ M said softly. “And yeah I think he just flirts with a reasonably attractive guy,” he said with a shrug knowing full well neither Jane nor Luna could see him.

“I am gonna ignore that reasonably attractive guy comment because we both know you are hot,” Jane said causing M to laugh. “So Daehyung, i mean Daniel is a model and Eunha?” she questioned.

“Emily seems pretty nice to be honest,” M said, “which isn’t that surprising all things considered,” he shrugged. She had only joined the shitennou because Daehyun was did, technically she wasn’t even a shitennou. Even as a villain she was more mild, she wasn’t nearly as ruthless as the others. “She is a highschool student, I am not sure which school she will be going to so i figured i’d give you a heads up,” M said.

“So they don’t have any idea about who they were before?” Luna interjected, “Are you sure they aren’t acting?” she asked.

“Well i am pretty sure they aren’t,” M said, “I am going over to their apartment now to see what they are like,” he said.

“Are you sure that is a good idea?” Jane asked, sounding more than a little concerned. “You don’t have to rush into this friendship,” she said. “You don’t have to be friends with them just because they came back,” she said.

“I know,” M sighed, “but I want to get to know them, they are different from how they were before I am sure,” he said. He just knew deep down they weren’t evil anymore, Enzo wasn’t so there was no reason for them to be. They were just two people who looked like someone he used to know. They weren’t Daehyun and Eunha, they were Daniel and Emily and he wanted to know them.

He could hear Jane sigh and what sounds like Luna being muffled by a pillow, “Okay,” she said. “But stay safe and keep me posted,” Jane added. M could tell she didn’t really agree with what he was doing but he was grateful she wasn’t pushing it. After that there wasn’t a lot to be said so with one last ‘love you’ the call ended and M grabbed some plates and headed to apartment 906.

He was about to knock on the door when it swung open and Daniel stood there leaning against the door frame. “Emily is cooking,” he said simply before giving M the once over. “Look i am sure you are nice but there are a few things we have to go over before you are allowed in,” he said pushing himself up and letting the door close behind him.

“Firstly and most importantly if i even hear a whisper of you trying to anything with my cousin i will destroy you,” he said cooly. M nodded ready to bring up the fact that he had a girlfriend but was cut off by Daniel. “Secondly, don’t bring up our family situation infront of Emily,” Daniel said. M frowned nodding, now that he thought about it was a bit peculiar that they were living together with no actual adult figure. “Look, her mother isn’t the greatest and i don’t need some noodle shaped man reminding her off that,” he said.

“I won’t,” M said. Daniel hummed a muttered ‘you better not’ escaping his lips. “Is there anything else I should know before you let me in?” he asked hoping that didn’t seem rude, he was pretty sure it looked a little odd, him just standing there with plates in his hands while Daniel in his Celine shirt and fitted black slacks told him off.

“She is never about going to school tomorrow so maybe keep the school talk to a minimum,” Daniel said with a shrug. “And that is all i can think off right now,” Daniel said, scrunching his nose up as he thought. “Just be cool, Em for whatever reasons thinks we need more people in our life so you know don’t mess that up,” he said.

“You know she is lucky to have a cousin like you,” M said trying not to laugh at the way Daniel’s face suddenly change, the tiniest hint of a blush made its way onto his cheek.

“You don’t need to suck up, “ Daniel said as he composed himself, his confidant mask back on. “Come on in, we need the plates,” Daniel said with eye roll as he opened the door. M grinned stepping into their apartment. Yes he knew he was meant to be here.

[simbargifs]

Do you think Ámbar is bad? And therefore, Simón likes bad girls? (As he also fell for Daniela)

I really have a problem with the word “bad” because it implies a thinking of black and white. “One person is good through and through, another person is bad through and through.” ... I was never a fan of this thinking because I doubt it is realistic to say that life works that way. There are barely people out there of whom you can say they are bad through and through (although I do believe there are indeed people who are that way but this term of being “bad” I reserve for murderers, child abusers and child molesters, rapists and animal abusers - not all of them, but some of them might indeed be bad in every way possible), and much less do we have people on earth who are good in every second of their life. We are human beings, we make faults. Some of us make more faults, some of us make less faults. Some faults seem minor, some seem major than others. The key is to learn out of those faults - but at the same time, for others to see our reasoning. Some faults might be exused because of reasons, others cannot be excused, but they can be understood, they are reasonable, even if the action itself cannot be excused. And those faults that people make that aren’t reasonable in any way (and can much less be excused) are those that I’d attach the term “bad” to. I don’t know if I explained myself well, so here, have a little graphic of what I’m talking about:

If you ask me if Ámbar made more faults in her life than most other characters in Soy Luna, the answer is yes. Yes, she did make more faults. Ámbar mostly falls in the category of comprehensible actions. She also acted totally incomprehensible before as well as she also sometimes did some things she’s excused for. But mostly, she falls into the category of comprehensible actions. And no, she didn’t learn from all her faults. She’s still often doing the things that are considered to be wrong. But if you ask me if Ámbar is a bad person, my answer is no. No, she is definitely not. She’s often rude and mean, she’s often devious and sneaky, she often lies. Eventually though, if you look at her reasonings - some things she does to protect the person who raised her, or to make the person who raised her proud of her. Yes, Sharon raised Ámbar without much love, but if you look at many of their interactions, Ámbar looks up to Sharon and loves her endlessly. Sharon was the person who’s been there for Ámbar all her life, and Ámbar wants to make Sharon proud of her and show her how much she’s actually learned from her and how much she looks up to her. That’s why many of Ámbar’s actions are influenced by Ámbar’s need to feel loved and appreicated. Her reasonings are often very on point, she just often approaches the things she faces the wrong way.

Back to your question if Simón therefore likes bad girls... The answer is no. Daniela, tbh, didn’t get a lot of layers on the show. She was a very two-dimensional character and they just didn’t develop her well, she was just there to cause drama, nothing else. Ámbar is a very amazingly written three-dimensional character, on the other hand, with lots of layers. What Simón saw in Daniela... I don’t know, tbh. As I said, Daniela’s character + her relationship with Simón was only there to create drama between Luna and Simón, nothing else. There was nothing deep about it. That was the whole purpose of her character and of the Daniela/Simón ship. Ámbar is very deep, and her relationship with Simón is very deep as well. Simón doesn’t like her for her less lovable sides and layers, he likes her when she’s honest, letting him be part of her life, when she’s completely open to him and is nice, when she’s helpful and when she’s not pretending to be someone she isn’t. I also believe that Simón fell for her because Simón saw someone in Ámbar he could help. He wants to help her become a better, so... in a psychology lesson, we’ve once learned that some people search other people to “repair” them. These people often are broken themselves, but they search someone else they can “repair”, they can help. I kinda see that with Simón and Ámbar although I am never really sure how broken Simón actually is. He’s this happy, wonderful human being who wants peace and happiness all over the world. He likes Ámbar for her lovable layers whenever he recognized them in her, but I think, he also wants to repair her less lovable layers... I just know he liked her and, at the same, he wanted to help her with all her problems. So, for now, this is my interpretation of it.

[gateau-chocolat]

My Mister!!! oh boy!!!!

(not hugely spoiler-y, but it’s my thoughts after finishing the show)

-Ok so very long-term, very observant(??) followers of this blog may recall that I started watching My Mister immediately before DramaFever shut down, and then I proceeded to spend like a year and a half whining about how I never got to finish it?  I thought that I had made it at least halfway the first time, but watching it again I realized that I got cut off at just episode 6? 

-Anyway: This show is just that good and you should absolutely whine about it for a year and a half if you get cut off at episode 6.

-The writing is just so good?? So good??? I’m absolutely floored that it looks like the writer doesn’t seem to have a ton of other notable projects at the moment?  The writing was great both in terms of individual scenes and the flow of the overall story.  In my experience most dramas (or any kind of tv, tbh) hit some kind of slump and lose momentum somewhere in the last 2/3 of the story, but My Mister really, really didn’t.

-If I was going to list individual scenes that were good this post would be way too long, but overall I was just struck by all of the little warm moments we got throughout the series...for a story where almost all of the main characters are deeply unhappy and treating each other badly, it somehow didn’t come off as an overwhelmingly dark and angsty story at all, and that’s totally thanks to some very deft writing. 

-Ok, one example: I was really struck by the scene (I think somewhere in the early middle, idk the episode number off the top of my head) where Ji-an goes to a pharmacy all beat-up, and the pharmacist assumes that her friend is her abusive boyfriend and discreetly asks if she needs help?  It totally did nothing to move the plot along, and it didn’t really add anything new to our understanding of Ji-an as a character, it was just a really nice detail that gave the story some more realistic texture and provided an interaction that wasn’t really depressing.

-I also really enjoyed the way that things from earlier in the story were recalled later: Dong-hoon trying to look up Ji-an’s phone booth, Kwang-il listening to Ji-an’s recording, Dong-hoon buying flowers for someone else to use. 

-The whole premise of Ji-an wiretapping Dong-hoon made for some very good scenes, but it was also just such a compliment to the whole emotional arc of her character and the overall narrative.  Wanting connection, but needing to keep others at a distance....*kisses fingers*  Also tbh it also felt at times like a mirror for what the viewers are going through as we watch all these characters struggle without being able to do anything about it lol. 

-Acting!! Also great, obviously.  The time I saw an IU drama I somehow wasn’t super impressed (this was maybe just b/c I didn’t love the show overall though lol), but then I really enjoyed her in Hotel Del Luna and she OWNS her role here.  Especially since so much of her scenes are on paper just Ji-an staring moodily into the distance while listening to an mp3 player?? But it sooooo works.

-I was also really impressed seeing Jang Ki-yong and Kim Young-min playing such different roles from other works I’ve seen them in?  I know it’s just, like, acting, but still lol.

-Oh, and sound/music stuff!  (I REALLY liked this show haha.)  The soundtrack was pretty good, and i l o v e d the way sound was used in the moment where Ji-an deleted the app, also Dong-hoon’s silent meeting with the chairman. 

-Also loved how both the look of the show overall and Ji-an’s outfits in particular got lighter in the last few episodes.  Kinda heavy-handed, maybe?  But I loved it. 

-My one tiny negative thing is that I did not care for the slight flashing effect(?) they added to flashbacks!  That did nothing for me! 🤷‍♀️

- During (spoiler sad scene) in ep 16 I was like “hoo boy if Ji-an starts signing here it’s gonna fuck me up” and ooooof :(((((  (Also the bit later when Sang-hoon did (spoiler) lowkey made me tear up a lot lol. 😭)

-Anyway, I haven’t decided specifically where this show falls in my ultimate personal ranking of kdramas (certainly towards the top, though), but it’s definitely a really well-executed show that I’ll be thinking about for a while. 

- IF ANYONE’S STILL READING: If you enjoyed My Mister I would possibly recommend Miss Korea?  It’s a more “normal” romance kdrama, but it has some “cynical people struggling to get a win for once” vibes, and also more Lee Sun-kyun as the male lead.  (Also it’s just a personal fave of mine, and I’ll always take the chance to recommend it.)

-Lots of things to watch going forward!  I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice looks extremely #me, I’m soooo excited for Kingdom s2, and I’m also a bit interested in Nobody Knows even though it’s not the typical kind of show I go for?  Plus I’ll probably still be watching Cinderella and Four Knights here and there as I wait for new episodes of those shows. 

[searchforthescars]

Little Beast - Chapter 6/9

It wasn’t until we were well past the middle of it 

that we realized the old dull pain, whose stitched wrists and clammy fingers, far from being subverted, had only slipped underneath us, freshly scrubbed.

Mirrors and shop windows returned our faces to us, replete with the tight lips and the eyes that remained eyes and not the doorways we had hoped for. 

Murphy can’t remember the last time he has been this anxious. As he paces the diner floor during the downtime of his shift, he has to make a conscious effort not to blush or rub his sweaty palms against his jeans. Those are two obvious tells that he’s nervous, and everyone on shift today is too observant for his taste.

The date is more of a symbolic action than anything else, he reassures himself. They’d been living together since June, after all, so there’s really no need to keep up a pretense or act like anything other than his shitty self.

Then again, she doesn’t seem to think he’s that bad. That’s part of what blows his mind. Everyone he knows, including Raven, might disagree. Then again, they don’t know her the same way he does. Emori has a way of pulling empathy out of him that he still can’t understand. [Read on Ao3]

“You good?” Lincoln asks quietly as he reaches over the stove to grab a box of chips. “You’ve been lost in thought all day.”

“Yeah,” Murphy says, shaking his head. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

“About Emori?”

Murphy snorts. “That obvious?”

Lincoln gives him a smile that’s almost proud. “Only to the observant.”

“Meaning that I pointed it out to Lincoln,” Luna interjects, whacking Lincoln on the arm with the ledger as she exits the office. “He couldn’t discern his way out of a paper bag.”

“Ouch.” Lincoln shakes his head ruefully. “She just attacked my whole life.”

Murphy laughs under his breath, trying not to think about how that’s something Emori would say. Everything circles back to her these days, and the only reason it bothers him is because he’s sick of being such a sap that even Monty can get an easy rise out of him.

“Is she coming in today?” Anya asks, apparently having heard the entire exchange from the back near the refrigerators. “She’s usually wherever you are. It’s kinda cute. Or depressing,” she adds as an afterthought.

“I asked her to stay home today.” Murphy jabs at the burgers on the grill with a metal spatula. The scraping sound it makes is rewarding. “I want to actually pick her up and shit. Like a real date.”

“Language!” Jasper shouts over the counter. Monty laughs. Murphy rolls his eyes.

“It’s my kitchen and I’ll swear if I want to,” he retorts.

“Actually,” Anya corrects, “it’s my kitchen. And watch your language; there are kids in here.”

Murphy looks out into the dining room, where two families with young kids in booster seats chat amongst themselves and peer out the windows. “Sorry,” he grumbles, turning back to the food he’s supposed to be making for them and his friends, who are apparently bottomless pits when it comes to unhealthy food. It’s going to be a busy day today, and he’s only two hours into an eight hour shift.

Oh, well. At least it will keep his mind off Emori. He hasn’t thought about her this much since he realized he was in love with her. It’s not that she wasn’t memorable or important to him, it’s that she’s managed to weave herself into his life so effortlessly. He can’t remember what it was like before her. He likes it, but he’ll never admit it. The second he gets attached is the second everything goes to hell.

When he goes on his lunch break, he shuts himself in the office and opens his phone to find three new texts from Emori. He still feels warm every time he powers on the phone she gave him; it’s the nicest thing he’s owned in a long time, even if it was stolen.

Hey, the first text reads, where do you keep your mixing bowl? And spices? I don’t want to mess up your stuff but I’m trying to be useful. And I’m bored.

The second text came in an hour later. Update: found them. I didn’t burn the place down. Going for a run now. Be back in an hour.

Back , said the third text, which had come in a couple minutes before Murphy’s break started. He starts to draft a reply, then decides to just call instead. Texting frustrates her since she only has one usable hand.

“Hi, John!” She sounds happy to hear from him. Another thing he’s not used to. “Are you on your break?”

“Yeah.” He blinks hard, tries not to sound so dead inside. “It’s busy today. Everyone and their weekend-warrior mother is out on the roads.”

Emori laughs. It’s low and warm and makes butterflies explode in his stomach. “Can’t say I wish I was there.” A pause, then, “are you excited for tonight?”

He nods. “It’s all I can think about,” he admits quietly.

He can hear the smile in her voice. “Me too.”

“Oh, and I saw the jacket you left for me.” He looks at the rack in the corner of the office, where an army-green jacket with a peculiar red shoulder patch hangs. It’s unique and a little weird, but it fits well and reminds him of Emori. She had folded it neatly and left it near the cot while he was asleep, along with a note that said just because . “I really like it.”

“I’m glad.” She laughs. “Clarke thought I was crazy to buy it, but it made me think of you.”

“What were you doing, shopping with Clarke?”

He can hear the mischievous smirk in Emori’s voice. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“Uh oh.” He waves at Luna when she lets herself in to sit at the desk. “Am I going to like this.”

“Probably.” The uncertainty in her voice worries him, but he knows she’ll just dodge if she asks. “You’re still picking me up at five, right?”

He nods. “Yeah. I’m ringing the doorbell and everything.”

“You’re cute, John. I’ll see you then.” She hangs up, and Murphy allows himself the barest of smiles, knowing that only Luna is in the room to judge him.

“You really like her,” Luna notes, not even looking up from the receipts spread over the desk.

“I don’t deserve her,” he retorts. “She doesn’t know about the shit I’ve done.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Did you tell Raven? About what you are? What you’ve done?” he asks. Luna flinches. The old familiar hatefulness fills him again. “I’m gonna take that as a no.”

“There’s no reason to.” Her voice is even, deadly calm. If Murphy didn’t know better, he’d assume she was unbothered by his comments. But he does know better, and he knows that he has just pushed on a very dangerous boundary.

“The darkness inside of me is different than what’s inside of you,” she finally says, looking at him. “You could change. Choose to be better.”

Murphy snorts. “The darkness can kiss my worthless ass.” He stands up, shoving his phone into his pocket. “What Emori knows won’t hurt her.”

“Until she finds out,” is all Luna says as the door swings shut. The thought does nothing but make Murphy’s blood run cold.

It’s a little weird ringing his own doorbell, but Murphy doesn’t mind. He brought a change of clothes to the diner and had changed after his shift, reappearing in a clean button-down and the only pair of slacks he owns. Raven and Bellamy had wolf-whistled mockingly. All Anya had done was tell him to fix his collar, but he wasn’t trying to impress them anyway, so what did it matter.

Realistically, he knows it won’t really impress Emori either. She doesn’t seem to care what he wears or how he looks, which is a relief because he usually dresses like a hot mess. But his father had prepared him for dating, and told him to always look his best when taking a girl out. The lesson is still at the front of his mind.

When Emori pulls open the door, he plans to say something, but all words fail him as he regards her. She’s in a dress. An honest-to-God dress. Murphy doesn’t know how to react. It’s plain and black, sleeves covering her big hand and a long skirt covering her boots. On anyone else, it would be ugly, but it fits her, somehow; it’s just as interesting as she is when she tries. Makeup covers the tattoo on her face – Murphy’s almost disappointed by that, but he knows she’ll be more comfortable so it’s okay – and her hair is down, falling haphazard over her shoulders and down her back.

Murphy wants to kiss her. He doesn’t, but he does close his mouth and bring his eyes back up to her face. She’s wearing an uncertain expression, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“Hey.” he tilts her chin up so she looks at him. “You look beautiful.”

She smiles slightly, her small hand fisting in her skirt. “I wanted to try something new. Do you really like it?”

He nods, taking both her hands in his. The smooth fabric of the dress glides right over her left hand. “Hell yeah.”

She exhales a breath he’s sure she’s been holding. “Good.” Then she looks him up and down - just like she had that day in his bedroom. Heat flares through him, and he briefly wonders what else the hands he holds are good for. “You look nice too,” she tells him, getting on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I didn’t know you owned nice clothes.”

“You mean you didn’t go through my drawers while I was gone?” he asks, teasingly. “I figured you would have.”

She laughs, and the tension between them dissipates. He takes her down to his car, remembers to get the door for her, and they spend the drive to the restaurant in near-silence, listening to the radio, their hands resting atop one another.

“So,” he starts after they’ve placed their orders. He had ordered for both of them, telling her to trust him. She did, surprisingly. That’s a habit she’ll have to break. “What did you need spices for?”

Emori fiddles with the fork at her place setting. “I found your recipe books. I wanted to try making something.”

Murphy frowns. “What recipe books?”

“The ones in your hall closet.” She takes a sip of water. They’re sitting outside, their table lit up by flickering lights strung above their heads. She looks ethereal in the glow.

“Oh.” Murphy remembers those now, remembers when he shoved them in there since it’s the last place he’d ever go. “You shouldn’t have been in there.”

Now it’s her turn to frown. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine.” He tries to keep anger from his voice. It’s not her fault. She didn’t know. Calm down, Murphy. “Did you make anything decent?”

She shrugs, obviously still perturbed that she accidentally invaded his privacy. “I think so. You’ll have to taste it and tell me. I don’t really know what I’m doing in the kitchen, but I wanted to do something to help.”

He reaches out, takes her small hand in his. To their left, the older couple at the bar gives them soft, reminiscing looks. “You don’t have to do anything. I like having you around; you don’t owe me anything.”

“I know, but it’s not right.” She runs her thumb over his knuckles. “I don’t feel like I’m your guest, not since…”

“Since we’re together?” he finishes. When she nods, he feels equal parts fear and happiness shoot through him. “I get it. If this becomes a long-term thing, then we’ll split things up, okay?”

She nods. “Deal.”

Neither of them knows how to do this. It becomes increasingly apparent to him that she’s unused to men treating her with respect, and he knows it’s obvious that he’s horrible at carrying on a conversation without negativity or swearing. He knows she wants to ask about the cookbooks, about his angry reaction, and maybe she will when they get home.

He’s beginning to wonder if this is a bad idea, if he needs to pull the plug on this, and ask her to leave before he falls so deep he can't pull himself out when she finally breaks his heart or leaves . He’s not an idiot – it will happen. Nothing good can stay. Not in his life. Besides, he knows she’s a conwoman and that she’s lived all over the eastern seaboard. How many guys has she done this to? Maybe their entire life together – can he call it that? – has been a lie.

He does believe her brother is dead. The nightmares are too intense, too frightening to be fabricated. But everything else could be an act. Is he paranoid? Maybe, but he’s had too many losses and betrayals to be anything less than wary.

Still, he thinks, looking over the table at her and smiling at her when she grins at him, while he has her, he’s going to try to deserve her. And when she leaves because she’s found another place or gotten bored of him, he’ll try to pick up the pieces.

“See, what did I tell you?” They’re standing on the old bridge overlooking the gap between the two mountains that make up most of the Blue Ridge range. The sun is setting in the space between them, turning the sky into a mess of orange, red and pink.

“It’s beautiful,” she murmurs, resting her head against his shoulder. Without really thinking, he presses a kiss to her hairline, ignoring the voice in his head that’s only growing louder in its insistence that this is a lie. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

He says nothing. She twists her head to look up at him. “So.” Her voice is light, teasing. “Will there be a second date?”

Murphy tightens his grip on the bridge railing. “I don’t know. Depends on how long you’re going to stay.”

Emori lifts her head and frowns at him. “What do you mean?”

Murphy sighs. “Never mind. I’m being stupid.”

“No, John.” Her voice takes a hard edge, a defensive edge. He’s never heard her like this. It makes him nervous. “What did you mean by that?”

“Just that if this is a con, it’s a damn good one.”

She thumps her big hand on the railing. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you that,” she exclaims. “John, I’m not lying to you. I want this; I want us . I want your life, and I want you.”

“For how long?” The f ear is welling up in him again, and he lets it sit in his gut, fueling his anger and harsh words . “How long until you get bored of me, bored of Virginia, and move onto the next city? The next man?”

“What?” She’s angry too, now, and incredulous. Her eyes are bright and her hair whips in the sudden wind coming in from the hills. Above them, a bird cries. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, John.”

“Then explain it to me,” he counters, “because I don’t know a damn thing about you. Not really.”

“That’s not true.” Her voice is close to breaking. The sick, selfish, broken thing in him is satisfied. “You know all the important things.”

“That’s not good enough!” His voice is loud enough to echo back to them. “Why are you here, really? What do you want? I think you’re here for a reason; I just don’t know what it is yet.”

“It’s you!” she cries, shoving her hair out of her face. “I came with you because I trust you! When you found me by the sea, I was trying to figure out a way to get back to you - to find you again.”

“You barely knew me,” he argues, not daring to consider that the thought of him had followed her for that long. “Why?”

“Because you trusted me!” she yells. “You let me stay in the diner with you, let me help you close and drove me home even though you barely knew me. You talked to me; you actually liked me. That never happens!”

“So you based everything on coming back to a shitty town to find one shitty person you didn’t even know?” He laughs. It’s cruel, mean. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Maybe…” her voice goes soft, her face turning vulnerable. “Maybe I felt safe with you. Maybe I knew that something bad was following us and maybe I would have liked to stay in your car for a little longer that night.”

Murphy stops at that, his anger dying when he looks at her, really looks, and sees her rounded shoulders and glassy eyes. “I don’t know why you’re doubting me,” she all but whispers, “and I can’t control what you think. But I want this. I want you. And I’m not leaving you anytime soon.”

He knows he should apologize, maybe take her hand or hug her. But he can’t make himself. The sting of a future betrayal still weighs on him. “Let’s go home,” is all he says, turning his back on her, knowing that she’ll follow him.

The drive back is quiet and miserable. Emori doesn’t speak until they walk through the door.

“I think you should take your room back,” she says quietly, not looking at him as she pours herself a glass of water. It feels like a rejection. Maybe she meant it that way.

“Emori…” He can’t make himself apologize. Why should he, when she should hurry up and admit that she’s using him for something that isn’t entirely honest? Nothing about her is honest - nothing that he can trust anyway.

“You don’t believe me?” Her voice rises suddenly; she’s angry now, he guesses, now that she’s had enough time to process what happened on the bridge. “Let me tell you a story, John.” She takes a step toward him, then another and another until he’s sitting on the arm of the couch and she’s standing over him, eyes hard, hands shaking.

“When I walked in my front door after you dropped me off, I had a gun to my head. My brother was on the ground, either out cold or just faking, and I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Apparently he had stolen tech from a very angry gang and a very angry supplier, and they wanted it back. Of course, Otan had already sold it, so there was nothing else they could do except make us pay up. We were locked in a warehouse for months . Sometimes they left us alone. Sometimes they didn’t. Otan smuggled tech for them a few times, but I couldn’t go with him.” She laughs bitterly. “I guess they knew my reputation for running.”

He tries to say something, but she cuts him off. “Don’t. Don’t even think about it.”

“Emori-“

“Shut up.” She runs her hand through her hair. “After a few weeks of this, the guy that took us in when we were young and taught us how to strip and trade tech showed up. Surprise, surprise. Apparently he worked with those guys now and wasn’t even a little shocked to hear that Otan had stolen from him. But he didn’t believe that Otan acted alone, even though I didn’t have a fucking clue what was going on and was scared to death. So, since Otan couldn’t cough up the tech, he set about making my life a living hell.”

She’s speaking through gritted teeth now, her eyes flashing, her hands balled into fists. Murphy is both captivated and terrified. “When they killed Otan – put a bullet through his brain, by the way, so at least it was quick – they just left me, dumped me by the ocean. I’m sure they figured I’d drown in high tide or some unsuspecting surfer would find me. I ended up in the hospital somehow and had to let them shove my knee back in place. I drew the line at any other tests, and then I ran away when the night guard got lazy.”

“So yes, John, I wanted to go back to Virginia. Because the only person who had shown me any kindness was there, and because I didn’t know where else to go. Even if I hadn’t found you, at least I knew there was somewhere I could hide.”

She rocks back on her heels, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and it’s only then that Murphy realizes she’s crying, silent tears rolling over her cheeks and down to her lips. It’s more than she’s ever told him before, and he senses that there’s more that will come out, but right now he’s killing himself over the fact that the only way he could convince her to be vulnerable was to make her angry enough to spill her guts.

He waits too long. She turns on her heel, walks silently into the bathroom, and shuts the door. He can hear her sob once, then again, before the water starts running. She comes out a minute later, face and the ends of her hair damp, and gives him an unreadable look.

“I want you to trust me, John.” Her voice is almost broken. “But if you can’t, maybe it’s better for both of us if I go.”

“Don’t,” he chokes out, finally moving, lurching forward and upward, rocketing to his feet and nearly startling her in the process. “I was a dick, Emori. I freaked out because it seems too real now, you and me, and I didn’t think about it, about how much it would hurt if you left, if you really weren’t in this for good. I was selfish, and I’m sorry.” He holds out his hand, palm up. “I want you to stay. I want you to stay for a long time.”

She regards him distrustfully, as if he’s a poisonous snake and she’s trying to decide whether or not he’ll strike. Finally, after a long breathless minute, she takes his hand, weaving her smaller fingers through his. “I have to trust you, too,” she whispers, eyes turned downward. “I was scared to sleep every night for a week even though I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t know if I’m even capable of loving someone the way you deserve.”

The room is growing dark; they had forgotten to turn on the lights when they came home. He turns on the floor lamp now, and the glow casts an eerie sheen over Emori’s face. In her black dress, she looks like a spirit. “I’m gonna choose to see your fear of me hurting you as a good sign,” she says. “It means you’re letting me in. And I like that.”

“And John?” She asks, stepping close, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I have never lied to you. That's something I can't say to anyone else.”

[eirenare]

FFXV — A wild theory appeared! + Juicy, dramatic, new pairing/ship

[SPOILER ALERT!]

[Normally I just highlight words to make my texts be more readable, but not going to do that now, since it would make some things more visible, probably the spoilers themselves.]

[EDITED! Added a detail I had somehow managed to forget about the Pitioss theory. The new paragraph is properly signaled for better readability.]

So, after playing Episode Gladiolus, a theory happened to take form in my mind. One related to the Pitioss Ruins’ theory, that I’m about to “sum up” just in case someone doesn’t know it. The link for the complete theory is over here: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/FFXV/comments/5t367b/pitioss_ruins_revelations/?st=j0epe7zf&sh=1111e262

Now, if I remember well...

Eos had a relationship with a human that ended up with her being pregnant, and the gods, seeing it as a taboo, jailed her in the Underworld. Ifrit loved Eos and went to rescue her, but she was already way too tainted by the darkness of the Underworld and she was dying.

The theory ends up with Ifrit taking her dead body out of the Underworld and to the Rock of Ravatogh, to burn her in a pyre as to purify her... And that accidentally released the Starscourge she had been bearing within herself. The gods fought Ifrit then, and the mysterious parts of the Rock of Ravatogh that we see would be his horns on the right, and Eos’ wing on the left. 

[ADDED -->] If I remember well, the theory also says that the place where Vyv sends you to take a photo is literally the heart of Eos (it kinda has the shape of a realistic heart), and that there was the only pure part of Eos that remained, so Ifrit took it out to save it, burning his left arm in the process because of the pyre. That part he took out would have been the Crystal (it has a similar form to the hole of the “heart”). [END OF ADDITION]

What was put on the Pitioss dungeon would be a theatrical representation of what happened.

About her children, however, anything could have happened: growing up on the Underworld, being taken out of there by Ifrit or by the gods... Still, they wouldn’t have been able to survive if the gods wished for them to die (because of the taboo), so they would have shown pity for the kids (Shiva would have probably make that possible since we’re told she’s merciful with humanity).

The theory says that one of the twins would be Ardyn, and I think it pretty much makes sense, from the similarity of his hair with the hair of the sculpture, to the black wing garment he often wears, to the strange powers he had and doesn’t seem to have much to do with the Crystal (stopping time and changing his appearence at will come to my mind).

The thing is, in the Episode Gladiolus DLC, there’s a loading screen that confirms that Ifrit DIED at the Rock of Ravatogh after fighting the gods for many moons, being his last clash with Bahamuth... AND it’s also said in that loading screen that Ifrit was LAID ASUNDER atop the Rock of Ravatogh, which confirms that the mysterious forms we see really are his horns.

Now... Let’s continue.

In one of the phases of Pitioss, there’s a huge statue of Eos. Said statue is handcuffed, with a collar on her neck much like a slave, and holding a katana. The thing is, you find a certain item just in her belly: “Genji Gloves”.

Now, the interesting thing is Genji means “2 beginnings” (which is where the twins theory comes from), and there’s a character in Final Fantasy that’s always been related to Genji equipment: GILGAMESH.

In the Episode Gladiolus DLC it is revealed that the katana that Gilgamesh (the Shield of the Founder King of Lucis) uses later on in his combat with Gladiolus is “Genji Sword” AND that he took it from Cor. Cor defied him when he was 15 years old, lost the battle but survived, and Gilgamesh took his katana.

Now, this is where I’m going...

Ardyn was to be the King, was Chosen by the Crystal, and he had Gilgamesh as his shield. Izunia could have been his brother BUT... Ardyn explicitly says “a king not yet chosen” when he tells Noctis about his past. “NOT YET CHOSEN”... Which, in my opinion, as the way it’s spoken, can only mean that replaced him in the throne would have been NOT his brother, but his OWN SON.

Damn, can you imagine? 

You trade your own health to cure others, you’re loved by everyone and you just want the good for others, and then suddenly, BAM, the Crystal says you’re tainted and that you won’t be King, and not only that, but you also lose your Shield, your son DEMONIZES you and you end up being hated and alone and erased from history...

I can understand that the Crystal rejected him, because it would have been dangerous for the world if he was to become King... But what Izunia did was ATROCIOUS.

No wonder why Ardyn is so full of spite and hate and pain...

But let’s head to the new juicy questions...

What if Cor is a descendant of Ardyn’s brother? Heck... What if Gilgamesh was Ardyn’s brother? Honestly, I don’t think Gilgamesh is, but is still a possibilty. However, isn’t it strange that Cor was SO gifted that he joined the ranks at 13 years old, and that he’s always seeming to escape death? 

But the most important data over here... I remember a video theory I saw some time ago, before the game was out, in which the youtuber said that Tabata talked about 2 members of the Brotherhood being more than friends (and Cor is part of it, even if from the distance though)... That could hint to being a couple, but it could have also hinted about being family.

I very highly doubt that any of the bros have family ties, and as much as I love the pairings Promptis and Gladnis, well, Gladiolus talks in Chapter 14 about the fact that he has a girlfriend, and it’s clear as day that Noctis loves Luna...

So, Cor being a descendant of Ardyn’s twin brother could fit that...

Not to mention about having a loading screen talk to you about the gods, Ifrit specifically, and the Rock of Ravatogh... 

Also, it’s quite the parallel between Cor and Ardyn: while Cor ripped the left arm of Gilgamesh, Ardyn did the same with Ravus. Both also have white hair, and if I recall well, a movement that Gilgamesh does to Gladiolus, is the same that Gladiolus received from Ravus. 

The interesting thing about Gilgamesh, though, is just how TALL the guy (kind of espectre?) is... Like, whoa, was he even human?

Aaand this is it about the theory of Cor, folks! *exhausted*

— — —

About the “extra juicy, dramatic, new pairing”... I swear, I only thought “what if”, and suddenly I was getting tons of feels and I was shipping it already.

Imagine it...

Ardyn and Gilgamesh being childhood friends, and later on, Gilgamesh being his Shield and keeping a secret he loves him.

Ardyn getting married, having a child and losing his wife, taking care of young and future fucking asshole Izunia while Gilgamesh takes care of Ardyn. 

Years pass and a romantic relationship starts to happen between... Just to see it all fall apart when Ardyn, who has sacrificed himself to heal others, gets rejected by the Crystal because he’s tainted, his son taking his place in the throne, and Gilgamesh appointed as Izunia’s Shield. Imagine Gilgamesh trying in pain to make Ardyn understand that he’s absorbed too much darkness, Gilgamesh trying to soothe away his pain...

But the hurt just deepens when Izunia demonizes, ostracizes Ardyn, and Gilgamesh has to see his life-long friend, his lover, go to the deepest abyss of despair, even as far as to claim in his madness that Gilgamesh was a traitor.

Imagine the drama... Imagine Ardyn feeling so lost and hurt, Gilgamesh feeling useless to protect Ardyn from the pain... Imagine Gilgamesh’s own pain, him trying to make Ardyn think and understand, trying to calm his suffering to no use, Ardyn having no option but to leave and never go back to Lucis... Imagine Gilgamesh trying to follow him, but Ardyn just disappears, and Gilgamesh recludes himself in the Taelpar Crag in shame and sorrow, letting another take his place.

Imagine the both of them suffering for too long, Gilgamesh dying and becoming an espectre, waiting for next Shields while Ardyn spirals down in madness and plots his vengeance and his own death...

Gosh, I want to write about this so badly... *broken-hearted*

[cynicaldesire]

I haven’t touched it in a couple weeks because I lost inspiration to work on the Kingsglaive fanfic. Where I would be going in it would require knowledge of FFXV, which I don’t have or have money for. So I thought I’d talk about the OC I made, because I’m always so proud of making an OC that I feel is realistic.

Important to note: I never imagine what my character’s look like, so my descriptions will almost never include their height, weight, eye color, hair color or length (though I love long hair, so you can usually bet my character would have long hair), or anything else to do with appearance. Probably because I don’t hold my own in high regard, I’ve always felt the contents of the package are what matter.

Artemicia Reliqua.

She’s nothing special, and she knows it, a little insecure about everything but her studies. She was allowed into the Royal Academy? Whatever university on a scholarship for researching magic without reliance on the King’s magic. (Like Ignis and his Gifted thing? I don’t fucking know man, I’m trying to avoid as many spoilers as possible.) Her thesis is basically Magic existed before the King, wild animals use it, daemons? are a thing? So there’s got to be wild/natural magic that we can use without relying on the King’s magic. So, in the FF job system, I figure she’d be a sort of Alchemist. She performs experiments and mixes all kinds of things together in an effort to make magical items. (Then I saw Noctis and Ignis having magic after Regis died and I was like fuck.) It ends up that she makes like potions and items that she can use to make a spell happen when she throws them at shit.

While her science and academics and shit are amazing, she’s insecure and shit because she’s a Galahdian sympathizer. She trusts and believes in the Glaive because they are oddities, being able to use the King’s magic. And this gets her bullied in the dorms, which causes her to become really wary of everyone. She has no real friends in Insomnia and is scared to stay at the dorms because of the bullying, and she has so little money because she’s on scholarship and her family isn’t really wealthy enough to send her any spending money. She ends up carrying all her stuff around, notebooks and the school provided electronics, because otherwise people would ruin it because of her affection for the Glaives.

Her work is the last thing she really has to make her happy. And she wants to do some experiments with the Glaive, since she knows they can use magic, but she can’t get access to them. She tries to just go there, but they turn her away. She lingers outside the HQ and creeps the Glaive out. Because again, she can’t go to the dorm and she only really enjoys her studies, so this is all she can do. This leads to her kinda stalking Nyx and then becoming friends with the Glaive group.

With their help, she strengthens a bit. She’s able to stay in the dorms, or they just let her stay in their apartments. She doesn’t get along with Libertus, because who does really. Everyone else is pretty cool with her. But she’s super flustered and nervous with Nyx because she’s a college girl with a crush.

After Insomnia falls, she finds out everyone died but Libertus. She’s so ready to just give up because the only friends she had in the world was the Glaive, but then this asshole is alive. She’s so happy to see him, regardless of the fact they don’t get along. And it’s her desperation that reinforces her spine and she runs back into the city to find Nyx’s body. She can’t lose everyone. She has to cling to this one vestige of hope to give her strength.

The idea I had was that Nyx doesn’t actually die at the end of Kingsglaive because his will is stronger than the Lucii, so they take his Glaive life, the life he had before. He will never use magic, he will never fully recover from his injuries, so he has lost A life. The deal is still fulfilled.

Finding Nyx alive, he still has a duty, so the three of them follow it because they are clinging to some semblance of purpose at this point. Without magic, without Insomnia, with the fall of Regis and everything else, the only thing they have is finding and protecting Luna and fulfilling their duty to the new King. Artemicia, being a resourceful student, says she can help if she just had some potions and shit. So they get some equipment from Glaive HQ, spend the night recovering at whatever is left of the Academy labs while Arte mixes shit, and head off on adventure.

(The stream of consciousness outline thing I wrote is like 32 pages of this adventure. Most of it is garbage romantic drivel, but then I remembered I don’t have to pair Arte with Libertus, I could pair her with IGNIS and I immediately regretted all the work I put into Arte and Libertus making More Than Friends. So. I sorta abandoned it. And also I have no reference for FFXV’s story. I figure she’s heard of Ignis, another scholarship recipient, so when they meet up she’s starstruck and he kinda acknowledges her as a kouhai and their mutual intelligence and stuff sparks a romance.)

(Also, I didn’t realize how fucking ripped Libertus was. He’s the barrel-chested strong guy character. Nyx is lithe and agile. I kept wondering why Libertus was in the Glaive if he was shit at magic and also fat, but he’s swole. Still not great at magic. He’s the heavy. Just wish he had a fucking jawline.)

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 10: Thoughts on 4x02 Heavy Lies the Crown

I sat down to write my reaction to 4x02 and wrote basically a novel because I have no self-control. I talk so big about being barely invested in the source material anymore and then this happens. I cannot be trusted.

I wrote this before I saw any fandom reactions at all so it’s really just my unfiltered and uninfluenced thoughts.

Tl;dr version:

Team Jaha all the way

Loved the Arkadia stuff especially the Clarke and Jaha stuff and Clarke’s speech

Intrigued by the possibility of waiting out the radiation in the Ark

Interested to see Bryan develop, worried about Miller/Bryan

Legit thought Bellarke were going to kiss when they were saying goodbye

I would have voted with Miller and Monty but I also think that Bellamy’s final decision was the only possible outcome morally and narratively and that for this reason that whole story line was meh for me

A+ Monty characterization

Why does no one care that the Arkadia government has been decimated? This is some grade A nonsense.

...Jasper

*

I'm probably going to nit pick a lot and sound like I didn't like, but overall I actually really did. I'm never going to stop being nostalgic for what the show could have been, but I think it's doing the best it can to come back from the mess of S3.

I'm going to organize my thoughts by storyline this time since, I don’t have definite negatives and definite positives like last week.

POLIS

I have made the tentative decision to avoid absolutely as much as possible all content beyond the actual episodes themselves—that includes preview scenes and bts stuff released before the show airs, as well as interviews, Twitter statements, etc. (I will watch the trailers because I just love trailers in general but that's it.) I have a variety of personal-preference reasons for doing so but I think the opening of this episode really solidifies my episodes-only position. Because such a fucking meal was made about the glowing butterflies, and what did we get? Literally, no one lied: we did see a glowing butterfly, very first thing. But everything that glowing butterflies are associated with (associations the people doing the teasing are very well aware of)--including early S1, the glowing forest, the beauty of the Earth, a sense of calm, etc.--was missing. We get the exact opposite instead: mutilation, death, blood, loss, grief. Wow. I was not impressed. In fact, I felt very cheated. I guess one central reason I'm cutting extras out of my viewing experience is because I feel that most of them are designed to create this reaction, designed to tease and trick on the one hand, or just to outright spoil on the other. They decrease my enjoyment of the show and make me feel like I'm being fucked with for sport.

Not to make too big a deal out of it though, because I feel like my language is harsher than my emotions... Anyway I didn't like the intro is what I'm saying. I don't want to say too much because this is a larger point about the episode but one I'm not sure is fair on my part but...it felt a little too...on the nose? Rote? Like a very simple story was told very quickly and unsubtly: we know Ilian has issues because ALIE had him kill his whole family like it doesn't get shorter and simpler than that. And considering I have nothing but negative associations with ALIE, I'm a little...don't subject me to this please.

I'll reserve most of my judgment because he's barely been introduced but so far Ilian is boring and I don't care about him. Next.

Also boring: Trishanakru (sp?). Again, I know it's early, but what I got out of this episode was that, for all they spend so much fucking time on the Grounders, the PTB really do not have very many ideas for them. Because so far the total variation of the clans has been in degree of warlike qualities (average: Trikru; high: Azgeda; low: Flokru). If we hadn't been told Ilian and dead guy were part of a new clan about twenty times I would have just straight up assumed they were Trikru because they're pretty much impossible to distinguish. And I know, I'm being unfair because it's only been one episode but like...I'd always been under the impression there were real and obvious differences among the 12 clans? If there aren't I literally never have to see any other clans I mean it's bad enough I have to be subjected to those ugly white Azgeda tattoos or the Undergrad Common Room aesthetic of Luna's people.

Kane and Abby: everything's going along in just exactly the way I'd expect with them, which means that my interest level is pretty low tbh. I have a very calm sort of appreciation for them, but no particular thoughts or high emotions. Nothing wrong with two attractive people in bed. But like...the main plot point of their relationship was about Abby deciding what to do with Jake's ring and considering I've already thought about that in a fandom context repeatedly and in more depth—without even being a hardcore Kabby shipper—I was a little underwhelmed by it here. Also actually a little disappointed that she ultimately took it off. Like I know why she had to but I also thought that Kane's earlier statement about Jake being a part of her was his acceptance that she would continue to wear it, and I thought there was something rather nice about that—because Jake was his friend too, and what's really wrong with someone whose spouse is dead simultaneously remembering the deceased and having a relationship with someone else? IDK. I guess...it was all fine but not very deep.

Octavia: I have to say I'm kind of surprised by Octavia so far because I was under the impression that she would immediately cut ties with everyone and have a totally separate story line. So that she's still hanging out, at least in body if not spirit, with Kabby and that she hasn't been, like, universally shunned or even officially banished or whatever is just.. I'm not sure what to make of it. What I mean is: does no one but Bryan care that she assassinated the Chancellor? (Also tbt that time she had a big fit about Bellamy attempting to assassinate the Chancellor lol how times have changed.) I'm personally pretty ready to forget literally everything from S3 in a lot of ways but realistically stuff that happened mere days ago in the show should probably be addressed and it's just really weird to me that there's been next to no consequence for her. Also I don't think the show has any idea what to do with O now (which is also why I have an eye-rolly reaction to 'Lincoln died to further O's story line' arguments because IMO almost the opposite happened: Lincoln died and O's story fell apart.) Anyway I don't care about her.

I am STILL BOTHERED by the fact that O got a tattoo in the S2-S3 hiatus but we only got the barest hints of it in S3 and are only getting full views of it now, a season later. And no one's ever mentioned it. I mean maybe this is my Conservative view of tattoos but imo inking your skin is like kinda a big deal and even if you don't think it is in the here and now... tats are a Grounder thing, a permanent alteration of your body that only Grounders do...so it feels like her getting one is sort of a big deal within this society and I would have liked to see it, if not on screen, at least...like a plot point? Or honestly why the fuck even do it. Like literally why subject to Marie to additional make up, why take on the added burden of continuity checks about her tattoo, if it's not even remotely important to your story??

Speaking of tattoos, I forgot to say this before, but if literally everyone has tattoos (and pretty much every Grounder we've ever encountered has had tattoos, whether they're warriors or not, as far as I can tell), how does it help a Spy not to have them? I mean...if there's only one person hanging out with no tats...would you not automatically suspect that person of spying?? Also it kinda looked like Echo did have a tattoo in that fight scene with Roan, a black one on her arm, but it was hard to tell. Coulda been her shirt I dunno.

AKA the world building on this show leaves a lot to be desired but what's new.

These people are shit at keeping secrets for real.

ARKADIA

I'm intrigued by this idea that they could hide out in the Ark itself during the radiation—for a lot of reasons. I fucking love the Ark, first of all. It's an idea I hadn't previously thought of or seen anyone else think of so it's actually surprising to me, and creative, and unexpected, unlike a lot of the rest of the show at this point. It's way better than going into space, which is tragic in its comic ridiculousness. It makes a nice full circle. I think there's something O.Henry sad about it in a way too because if that's the solution they use...they'll live, but they'll never see the outside again. They're creating another Mt. Weather in a way (and I think they semi-know it: "If there's another Mt. Weather out there, the Grounders will know")--and we know how that worked out for them. (I think the lesson from Mt. Weather, honestly, is that if you can't evolve you don't get to live.) Then of course there's the lifeboat problem which, personally, at this point, is getting a little boring. But I definitely caught Raven saying at the end that only "a hundred" of them would fit without the water machine, so that's either significant or bad story telling.  

Also finally my boy Monty coming back into the genius fold. I'm still a little...wary of how they're developing Monty because I remain dissatisfied with his post-Mt. Weather story but what can you do. Promising so far at least.

I literally stopped the video and laughed when I saw the Bellamy/Miller/Bryan scene because of Bryan's gratuitous shirtlessness. Like...I know the implication is not that Bellamy walked in on anything because Bryan was in pajamas and Miller was dressed but it was still fucking hilarious to me anyway because I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old and always will. (More on them below.)

TEAM JAHA all the way. Okay, I've been thinking a little more about him and... I think it's important to differentiate between liking a character as a character and liking a character in universe. By liking a character in-universe I mean 'if X were a real person, I would like him. I agree with his choices, his sense of morality, and he has an agreeable personality.' Sometimes I dislike Jaha in-universe; I think he was objectively wrong in S2 when he chose the City of Light over getting Our Heroes out of Mt. Weather. But it also isn't important to me to like a character in-universe. Plenty of characters do bad or wrong things and if everyone always did the right thing, there'd be no conflict and no story. What I can't stand is characters who don't make sense as characters and I've been, as I said, uncertain about Jaha. I don't think the show's done him any favors by separating him from so much of the cast for so long (aside from Murphy, has he had any extended interaction with any major cast member since S1? This isn't a real question. The answer is no.) He has often just been not as entertaining as other characters because of this. And I think he's on a long arc, starting all the way back in mid-S1. Combine these things—a long arc that requires a long attention span to understand, developed slowly and in separation from most of the rest of the main cast and main events—and you have a good recipe for a widely-disliked character. I don't dislike him, but I've been frustrated by him, and uncertain how to separate in-universe frustration from badly-drawn-character frustration. BUT I increasingly think that Jaha is an excellently drawn character, probably one of the more consistent on the entire show (certainly way more consistent than Kane lol), and I'm really enjoying seeing him, the real him, again. Jaha is sounding a lot more like his S1 self. And bringing him together with Clarke is A+. More of this please. More philosophical conversations about leadership I can get behind. I love that he used to be an engineer. I love that he's unflappable—never defending himself, never self-flagellating for others' sick pleasure. I love the hair (or...lack of hair). I love the lines he's given, like the 'no leader sets out wanting to lie to their people' one. (I stg if that line doesn't make its way into fandom lore I will riot. I need recompense for every single Clarke "I bear their burdens" gifset I've ever seen.) Just...yes, more Jaha, good stuff.

I like Clarke's new/old outfit and shorter hair but I don't like that little pouf on the top. That must go. I also like, tentatively (it's always tentatively with me and Clarke because if I were to rewatch 2x16 tomorrow I'd insta-hate her again so), where Clarke is going. I like that she's still pragmatic and a little ruthless but that this is mixed in with that old idealism of hers. I do think she's becoming more of her old S1 self, while still taking into account her other experiences and how she's grown and changed. So...yeah I don't feel I have much in terms of analysis on her after having only seen this episode once, but I'm encouraged.

I know I literally just said mere hours before watching this episode that the show had abandoned the relationship between Clarke and Raven but then what do you know, a pleasant surprise: they are interacting again. I liked it. I will always want more because they're one of my favorite relationships on the show but this was so good. I like seeing Raven challenge Clarke and Clarke actually take it into account. I like the tension between them. I like seeing Raven owning her own department. And I liked the tension with Jaha because it's consistent with her general character, very hard nosed and unforgiving.

...There's a part of me that wants to ship Monty/Raven but it's just so hard to ship, in-universe, Monty or Jasper with pretty much any other character because they're so much younger. I know the show doesn't treat them like they're younger and at this point pretty much every delinquent (except Bellamy) is in the "rough contemporaries" category but... Raven is still 19 or almost 19 and Monty is still 15 maaaaybe 16, and that's a big gap, it just is. It makes me semi-uncomfortable. Especially because, even though I think difference in life experience matters more than difference in calendar age, I still think Monty and Jasper were introduced as like the little brothers of the group and it's hard for me to break out of this conception of them.

I know we didn't really see anything new with Jasper in this episode, like that wasn't in trailers or whatever (I didn't see the shower scene clip before I watched 4x02 so I that was semi-new to me), but... I still love him. He is definitely incredibly damaged and it's still fairly remarkable to me that literally no one seems to recognize that he is sick—but I have no problem watching incredibly damaged characters so I am having a good old gay time with his story. Just don't let it end in death. As always, I love any reference to him and Monty being stoner dorks and the high five did not disappoint when given greater context. Actually it got better. And I'm glad he has a spear-scar still, although—and I have no idea how spears or scars work so maybe it was realistic—I wish it had been bigger/more obvious.

I'm pretty angry that my characterizations of Jasper and Monty re: their sexualities are backwards in the angst story and almost everything else I've written of them. Dammit fandom, letting your gay!Monty headcanon seep into my brain. I have no problem with seeing Monty as gay, but there was never actually any indication that he was and, more importantly, there was indication that he's into girls going all the way back to the pilot ("Note to self: next time save the girl," and, from mid-S1: "Are you kidding me? That was there for the taking."). Anyway, it's fine; sexualities are there to be messed with in fic. More importantly, bi!Jasper becomes increasingly canon for me every day. Monty's all "I am hella uncomfortable with your nudity" and there's Jasper like "I give no fucks anymore, I'm enjoying my slow suicide and I'm going to do whatever, wanna hug???? We can get high later and whatever happens happens!"

Fuck, Jasper's taste in music is bad though. IMO. As with the Violent Femmes song in 3x01, I get that the lyrics work well and I get why this song was chosen, but I just thought both songs were obnoxious to listen to. UGH. Where's my Joy Division.

I definitely thought, when Clarke was saying goodbye to the road trippers, that she and Bellamy were going to affectionately kiss goodbye. Like, obviously I didn't think this in the intellectual sense. I just had this sudden flash of feeling: this is where the goodbye kiss goes. And then when it didn't I had to sit back and think—all this happened in a handful of seconds obviously—oh yeah, they're not established yet. That's how easy and natural their chemistry is. It's really refreshing.

Clarke's speech at the end was very interesting. Honestly... I know why it had to be her, narratively speaking, but I kinda wish in a way it had been Bellamy. Because I like his speeches more. But it wouldn't make sense so this isn't a criticism. I liked that she was responding to Jasper and Raven and Jaha all at once. (And I especially liked the call back to Jasper, the sort of delayed convo, survive versus live versus thrive.) I thought it was an interesting moment too because not only did it call back to the Ark government's season 1 decisions, but it also called back to Bellamy's early decisions on the ground. I'm thinking in particular to how he used the threat of the Grounders to inspire the camp to work and build a wall—and listen to him, of course. He instinctively harnessed the threat and used it to power the forming of the community. He was even willing to lie to keep it together: to let everyone believe Wells had been killed by a Grounder, even when Bellamy knew better. And that's what Clarke's doing, she's giving a version of the truth to the people to inspire them and to get them to work. I wonder if Bellamy sees this parallel too.

It's been 9 days since Clarke pulled the lever and now not only does Arkadia not have a council but it doesn't even have a chancellor and no one cares. NO ONE CARES. All of their government is totally gone, not just Pike but Kane and Abby (the prior de facto leaders), Sinclair (the head of a major department)...Jaha is around but he's clearly disgraced and powerless...who is running the show??? By which I mean, lol Clarke obviously. But why?? How? From where does her authority with non-delinquents derive? It's just this really weird hole in the story line imo because she's a child who 99% of the people have never met (okay arguments can be made about S2 but imo she was more Grounder-liaison than Arkadia head of state) and there's just... no...explanation...of how the  community survives on the day-to-day. Except for the scene where Jasper oversees the party, which I guess, fair enough, is probably what would happen. This is all the more frustrating for me because the idea of a leaderless lawless community coming together was a major initial theme/plot of the very first episodes, and I've been missing it ever since, and here's another opportunity to engage in those themes and questions again and instead it's like...don't look over here at this humongous plot hole!!! Don't look!!

FARM STATION

I'm so tense about Miller/Bryan because in my opinion it makes sense to keep them alive and keep them together but with this show who ever freaking knows. They're the only long-term couple on the show, and the only m/m couple the show has ever had; their story's barely been told; Bryan couldn't stand on his own at this point and I feel like the pr nightmare of killing another queer kid just isn't worth it... But there have been plenty of other nonsense deaths on this show and I don't trust it. So. Anyway. I'm tense but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. I like that we're seeing more of who Bryan is. I like that they're not forgetting where he came from or what his experiences are. I like that he's a little hard and a little on edge and a little dangerous because I think that's a good sort of person for Miller and it's more interesting. I like that they addressed his sudden change of heart last season because, while I'm not bothered really by everyone's easy forgiveness of him (I think it made narrative sense if not in-universe sense—not ideal but I can live with it), I do think that they organized that episode around the surprise of his about-face, without really explaining why he made the decision he did. Because that decision making process occurred off-screen in order to keep the surprise. I mean obviously it was pretty clear he did it For Love but I'm nevertheless glad they're discussing it.

I'm a little confused as to how Miller/Bryan ended though... I asked my mom (before I watched) if they broke up and she said no and I agree that on its face that does not look like a break up. It looks like a fight. If I were Miller or Bryan I would view it as a fight not an ending. BUT. This show doesn't really do relationship arcs, so much as it does relationship plot points here and there and you have to fill in the rest. I think. I guess it's hard to tell given how few relationships there have been, as opposed to hook ups or more informal romances, but that's sort of my feeling. A developing theory. So I guess I mean I wouldn't put it past the show to just act, next time we see one or both of them, like it's obvious they're not together anymore. I hope that's not how it goes down but I'm floating the possibility.

I asked my mom about M/H content too, so I could brace myself, and she said that, had she not known they were together, she would not have guessed based on 4x02. I agree and that makes me happy. The less of that the better. Also...while obviously I know that there's more to a relationship than just kissing or fucking, and that it's a bit silly to say "well I couldn't tell they were a couple because they didn't kiss in this episode..."—that in fact is not what I'm saying. Or what my mom was saying. My point is more that, if a couple has a basis for being a couple, like any sort of compatibility at all, you'll see it all the time, not just when they're on a date or in bed together. But what is the basis for the M/H relationship? There's nothing there to remind you why they're together when they're not...literally together...because it's random!! Because we know nothing of their common likes or interests, nothing of their way of interacting, nothing of what they like about each other, nothing about what makes them compatible—nothing! They're two names drawn out of a hat! Like the moment I thought that Bellarke would kiss even though they're not a couple...that could never happen with M/H because they have no substance! AT ALL! You can think they're cute as much as you fucking like but that doesn't give this story line any weight and I will continue to judge it harshly and bitterly until my contrary heart stops beating.

As to the actual Farm Station story line... the eternal small tragedy of high expectations I guess. I was...underwhelmed but I don't know why. I wanted to like it. I was looking forward to it. And I can't quite pinpoint what didn't do it for me in the narrative. But it seemed a little off.

One possibility is that it just didn't go into the details I most like. I am desperate for more info about the Ark, so if we're going to go to Farm Station, let's fucking go to Farm Station. Let's take a tour. Let's see Monty's bedroom. Let's take the space weed from behind the wall idc. Let's let Bryan and Monty interact even more than they did. Let's reminisce about the past. Realistically and objectively, I know that's not the focus of the show or the episode and I did get several small details of the sort I love and I shouldn't complain. I'm not complaining exactly. I'm just saying this might be a source of my personal disappointment.

Another possibility: the alleged Big Moral Decision of the Week was an easy one. Too easy. I feel a bit weird saying this because I actually came to the opposite conclusion of the majority, and not only did I come down on the Miller + Monty side of the debate (the first and so far only time they have agreed on anything in case anyone was keeping track of the State of their Relationship), but it was an incredibly obvious and easy decision for me morally speaking. Which is sort of a separate problem but I'll get to that in a minute.  

However, what I really mean by it was too easy is that the actual conclusion, to save the immediate victims at the expense of later people, was literally the only place the narrative could go. Which meant that the conclusion wasn't a surprise, and the tension leading up to the conclusion was lacking. Bellamy as a character, regardless of what one thinks of the 3a massacre, cannot handle more immediate deaths on his hands, in terms of casual viewer reactions and after all of this consistent narrative shaming. He just can't be seen standing over dead bodies, literally or just-off-screen, right now in the story. So obviously he's going to save the slaves. Also it's only 2 episodes in and there's no way they can come home with the magical mystical life saving machinery this early. It's too easy. Not that one problem can't be solved and then followed by ten more new problems but that's not how this show operates. It piles on the problems, resolves some mid-season, and the rest at the very end. The only moment of actual surprise I felt was when I saw them walk out with the thing, but even then I recognized in about 0.2 seconds that it was a fake out—of the audience and of the Grounders themselves. When the seemingly deep debate is about a non-issue it loses all of its sense of importance and becomes essentially a waste of episode time instead of the center of the episode.

So that being said... I know it's a hard argument to make to say simultaneously that the conclusion of the narrative is obvious and that I came to an equally obvious opposite conclusion. And I also know that something can be obvious and still narratively tense/morally gray/difficult to watch/otherwise captivating (for example: destroying Mt. Weather in 2x16). BUT. I think there is a disconnect between how obvious it was and how obvious it was supposed to be. I think the intention was for it to be a reasonable-people-can-disagree sort of thing. I think it was supposed to cause internal conflict in the viewer and its conclusion was meant to anger at least some of the audience. But that's not how it worked out for me. Perhaps this will sound callous, but I really did not care about the enslaved Sky People. I have no idea who these people are. I don’t even get what they're doing there, like what the purpose of them for Azgeda is. I'm sure they used the word 'slave' not just to be accurate but to immediately bring up certain associations in the viewers' minds; it's a really charged term for good reason. And obviously, intellectually, I know slavery is bad, and Azgeda is bad, and these are Sky People, and Bryan et. al. know them, and that girl is really small and sad looking. But none of this resonated for me emotionally. Maybe I'm dead inside. But it felt an awful lot like being told instead of being shown. I cared about the Mt. Weather people, because I knew some of them well after an entire season and because I'd been mediating on the tragic impossibility of their situation in general for roughly as long. Their deaths were narratively and in-universe inevitable, even heavily foreshadowed, but it still hurt to see. These people? They matter less to me than saving all the characters I already know, people who may have to be sacrificed later in order to protect these Unknowns now. It's no contest. This is obviously very much a question of perspective—Harper made a good point in saying it's like them at Mt. Weather, because Jaha then wanted to do essentially what Miller and Monty wanted to do in 4x02, which is to say sacrifice a few of his own to save the many, and I thought that Jaha was objectively wrong in that instance. (Part of that is that the narrative later proved him wrong: almost all of his merry band of cultists died on the journey to the CoL. But even up front, the idea of sacrificing the main characters is untenable within the story, so he was automatically wrong.) But it's the narrative's job to shape the perspective, and it has a lot of power to make an issue morally gray or clear black and white. I don't think the narrative did its job in this instance.

I'm still not sure I'm doing a good job explaining (or defending) my lack of emotional response here. Basically, I felt like the Farm Station story, like the intro with Ilian, and like the Kabby stuff as well, was paint-by-numbers. It was 'okay let's get this done, one two three, all the bases touched, story complete.' Rote. It didn't have the nuance of the show at its best, like the last episodes of Season 2 or even the Clarke and Jaha convo in this very episode.

I did like the scene where Monty confronts his father's killer, first because of Bryan's line about this being "Monty's kill" because it speaks to how he lived for four months during the S2-S3 hiatus and that interests me, but also because I thought that scene was spot on for how I see Monty. He is ruthless in a lot of ways but he's not a hands-dirty type. He doesn't hesitate in his moral judgments and as far as we know he doesn't have much of any regrets (I've been annoyed at him not reacting enough to Mt. Weather—maybe he really isn't plagued by guilt about it at all—an interesting possibility but one I still think should be on screen a little). He's very sure of himself. But he's barely even held a firearm (like once in S2 and then a little in S3), I'm pretty sure his only one-on-one kill is his own mother...and that's pretty unusual on this show. (Clarke, Bellamy, Jasper, Octavia, Miller, and Harper, and I'm going to have to assume Bryan, have all killed, sometimes with their bare hands, and/or were consistently using firearms going back to S1.) I definitely would have been surprised to see him axe that Ice Nation fellow in the face. But I also would have been shocked to see Monty show him mercy. I thought that the route they went, having him sentence the man to death without ever touching him, was such a good choice, a powerful moment for real without being out of character.

I feel like I haven't said much of anything about Bellamy....again, wonderful. He is such a great leader with these kids. I think he really walks the line between military-style leader and just straight up Dad. (And yes I thought he was adorable with the small child at the end.) It might be more subtle than last episode, but I still think groundwork is being laid for Bellamy to fully come into his own as a leader, to the same extent that Clarke already (BIZARRELY AND PREMATURELY) has, if not more. Basically what I'm saying is Blake for Chancellor 2018.

I have long headcanoned that Farm Station crashed in Pennsylvania. It's cold and snowy enough to be "Ice Nation" territory; close enough to be reached within a day by Rover, as we saw in 3x01 (and here? IDK how long this episode was supposed to cover but it looked like a pretty short period to me); but far enough away that Pike, Hannah, Bryan, et. al. could easily be lost for 3-4 months without running into our heroes in Virginia. I still think this is a plausible theory but man, those mountains do not look passably Pennsylvanian to me. Not that I'm a Pennsylvanian mountain expert. And not that they shot in Pennsylvania honestly. Anyway my headcanon remains.

I thought the moment with Clarke meeting Riley again was really sweet. It somehow helped more than the Bryan stuff at the Station itself to remind me that these are Sky People—not just poor mistreated human beings but poor mistreated friends and neighbors. Also again this is my favorite society so seeing some more unexpected connections among them was cool. I do hope we see Riley again, not because I care about him yet, but because it's annoying to see someone obviously foregrounded as a New Character to Watch only for them to disappear. Like with Mel in season 2. Ruined expectations are really annoying and not to be confused with "being realistic" or "being shocking."

[wordynerdy]

Be Still, My Little Robotic Heart!

I finally saw Rogue One the other day. I know, I know. And I saw The Force Awakens extremely late last year too. At least with TFA I had the excuse of working at a busy bakery during the holiday rush. I have no good excuse this year.

I’d like to first give a shout-out to AMC for giving us Stubz members $5 off movies on Tuesdays. You have won over my little broke soul once again. And secondly, I’m gonna warn you all that spoilers are very likely to exist under this cut.

Now that we got that out of the way...

I went into seeing this movie knowing a few spoilers. Mostly that Mads Mikkelsen’s character built the Death Star, that there was some archive footage, and, according to tumblr, everyone in the movie is gay. Well, while I didn’t get any serious shippy vibes from this movie like I did TFA (Storm Pilot for life!), I’d be okay with whatever ships have come out of this. Let me run down a few thoughts I had from this movie.

Did anyone else find it oddly disturbing that Mads played a good guy? I mean, he’s a very talented actor. I just... didn’t know what to do with that.

People seem to think that Diego Luna had more of an impact in this movie than Oscar Isaac did in TFA. Sr. Luna definitely impressed me, but I think I’m just destined to love anyone named Oscar.

I’d like to just officially register my appreciation that we are still using creatures that look like that were rejects from Jim Henson’s nightmares.

I love movies/shows/books that are bold enough to kill off main characters. I LOVED THIS MOVIE. Don’t get me wrong- it was sad. I was sad. I shed a wee tear when Chirrut Îmwe died. But it’s just realistic, especially for a story like this. My friend leaned over during the end and said, “Who’s left???” I told her I went into the movie assuming they would all die. After all, they’re not in the other movies. To do this kind of standalone story, especially one involving an obvious suicide mission, you kinda have to kill everyone off.

Seeing Leia at the end made my heart smile. Especially since Carrie’s death, I think that was the nicest ending we could have hoped for. It probably affected me a lot more now than it would have if I’d have seen the movie right when it opened.

Finally, Star Wars... can you please stop making bots and droids and other metallic characters for me to fall in love with? I can only have so many favorite lovable robots within one franchise. K-2SO was like the C-3PO I always wanted. No hate on C-3PO, but he never stood a chance to be my fave next to my beloved R2-D2. I always wanted him to be a little less bumbly and a little more sassy. It’s like they knew.

And along that line, can I get a short film starting R2-D2, BB-8, and K-2SO? I’ll even throw C-3PO to make it an even four, and also because I’d be hella curious to see his interactions with K. Somebody write this? Draw this? Please?

As a general review, I really enjoyed the movie and thought it did a great job holding up to the standards and feel of the original trio. Definitely liked TFA more, but that was a movie I went into with low expectations. When I expect a movie to suck and it’s amazing, it kinda destroys my comparison basis for other things.

I give this movie a 8/10. Now if only the Han Solo movie would get here faster...