#i love Thomas's content... but I would rather him be safe‚ healthy‚ confident in himself‚ and have well researched vids over vids that -

[thestoryofme13]

Virgil to Anxiety

Warnings: Self Doubt, Anxiety, 

This is my take on this post, it’s a little weird and it has been done in so many great ways!

Virgil to Anxiety

Virgil was feeling nostalgic and he sure as hell, blamed Thomas for that. While the others could relive happy memories was, all of the memories Thomas had that Virgil played a part in were cringey to say the least and rarely were they "happy." Sure, there were those times that Virgil had causes Thomas to panic and expect the worse, then everything had turned out fine, but did those actually count as "happy" memories?

It wasn't just the nostalgia either, he wanted to try to make himself better. After the catastrophe that was going to Patton's room, Logan had to explain that while he still found emotions illogical, they were something that needed to be dealt with rather than pushed down and bottled up like Patton had been doing for so very long. Logan had gone on a long exposition about developing healthy coping mechanisms and that all emotions, negative or otherwise, demanded to be felt. The logical side had made it clear that each side is entitled to feel emotions that may not exactly align with what they represent. Logan was mainly addressing Patton but he made an example that could relate to each of the sides, "Patton, you are the embodiment of the heart but even the heart can experience bad feelings, for example heart break. It doesn’t help any of us or Thomas for you to hide your feelings." Then Logan turned to Roman, "You are not as easily defined by your feelings as a trait, just because you are the ego and confidence, it would not be inappropriate for you to experience being insecure or scared." Finally, Logan turned to Virgil, "While you are the embodiment of Anxiety there is no logical reason that you could not also experience and express positive emotions. I dare say that it would be even healthy for you to be happy about what you contribute or feel pride in keeping Thomas safe." Logan finished his explanation and was content, "I have one more thing to add. If any of you are feeling these emotions that are foreign to you and would like someone to listen without judgment, I am willing to offer my services." Hearing Logan validate all the sides, made everyone immediately calmer, recognizing that there was logically nothing wrong with how any of them were feeling, in that moment they were all grateful for the logical sides' rational thinking.

Virgil had always accepted that he was not allowed to be happy or feel positive emotions, he was a negative trait, it did not make sense, but he supposed that if Patton was allowed to feel negative emotions then he was allowed to feel positive emotions. This is what lead Virgil to his computer to revisit some of the old videos, he wanted to experience something positive and maybe watching the others and Thomas learning to accept him would help him feel these positive emotions for the first time. He started with the "Taking on Anxiety" video, the involuntary cringe at seeing Thomas' reaction to his appearance could not have been missed. Did Thomas really hate him so much, that his appearance was a nuisance? Virgil had to admit he was slightly overbearing in this video, but couldn't they see that he was trying to protect Thomas? He had to admit that he was happy, Thomas had learned some healthy coping techniques from Lilly, it made his job easier. Something stuck out for him though was it truly possible that Thomas would be better off without him, Thomas had gone to Lilly looking for a way to completely get rid of anxiety, but that wouldn't work at least not in this case, he was after all a part of Thomas. Sure, at the end of the video Thomas "accepted" that he had anxiety but everyone knows that was for show and he'd much rather be rid of Virgil. After that video he had tried to tone it down a bit to show just how important he was, that he was contributing just as much as the others. "Losing My Motivation" was a time where Virgil could show how vital he was to Thomas accomplishing things but Logan was having none of that, he just wanted to have someone to blame and Virgil was easy target since no one liked him anyways. Logan was always complaining about Thomas' procrastination and in part that was Virgil's fault because if it couldn't be perfect what was the point. The shuffle on the

YouTube playlist must have been on because somehow the next video was "My Negative Thinking." Virgil was quite fond of this video, it was a time when he got to work at full force without being reigned in, that was until Logan had to rationally think through everything, still this video was a time where he felt like an equal. Logan was logic, he wouldn't lie to Virgil about his "feelings." Finally, he had managed to get to the "Accepting Anxiety" videos, it was nice to see that while Logan and Roman may not have known how important Anxiety was to Thomas, that Patton was able to show them how they were wrong. He will admit that Roman's comments about not liking Virgil, hurt but it wasn't anything new. Logan, on the other hand, had just begun treating Virgil as an equal, for all that to be thrown into the wind was painful, at least he was able to see exactly what the Logical side thought when he didn't have to keep up appearances. There was something about the second part that seemed off though, Virgil couldn't help but notice how the others reacted when his voice changed, Patton looked terrified, Logan looked intrigued, and Roman looked indifferent. It was unsettling to see Patton look so terrified by him, how could he scare the only one who actually liked him, Virgil didn't notice it at the time obviously because he was focused on protecting Thomas and the others there was no time to worry about what their reactions were to his growing strength from his own room. He was going to stop there but he couldn't help it, seeing the others trying so hard to be accepting in the "Fitting In" video, gave him hope something he was unfamiliar with. Watching Princey try so hard to ne "nice" was entertaining although it looked like it physically caused him pain to say nice or indifferent things to Virgil, he appreciated the effort.

Virgil had enough of this reminiscing, even he had started to hate himself, which wasn’t uncommon for the anxious trait. If he hadn’t been so overbearing, maybe the others would have liked him more. Had someone told his old self this maybe it would’ve helped? He decided to use a coping technique that Logan had told them about and write. He wasn’t really sure what he was going to write but once he picked up the notebook and pen, it all just flowed.

Dear Anxiety,

I know this is stupid but Logan said this could help me with my feelings, so here goes nothing. Sometimes people talk over you, refuse to listen to your worries, or flat out ignore any of your concerns. Just know that you are doing what you believed was right, you were protecting Thomas.  Roman can be a bit mean but he does have a point, you two are opposites, he is the one that comes up with all the impossible dreams, whereas you point out all the things that could go wrong, you have to keep it realistic to protect Thomas, he’ll understand one day. Patton would never lie to you about how much you mean to him or how you are an important part of the group, you shouldn’t dismiss him as easily as you do, it can be okay to accept praise and affection from someone. Logan, well we are even now still trying to figure him out, he appreciates that you think things through and that you can see things from his perspective, but he will probably still say things to hurt you, not on purpose. He can’t always see the pain his words can inflict on others. Even Thomas learns to accept you and embrace you as a valued part, he just never realized how important you were when it came to decision making, he tries really hard to make sure you are okay, comfortable, and even happy. You may have always felt like the bad guy and that no one would ever love you, but look at where we are now. You have a family, a support system, who cares for you unconditionally. Nothing you could do would ruin this, they still don’t always listen to your concerns but you are heard. We are kept in the loop, invited out, even called on by Thomas ON PURPOSE! No one would have ever guessed that the “bad guy” could have won over so many hearts, especially not without giving up a piece of himself. We didn’t change one thing, well we did become more aware of our effects on Thomas, but we still are protecting him. I know this is stupid and useless and that you would never get to read this, but I know when I felt this way I needed someone to validate my existence and tell me of my importance. Things do get better, make good memories, allow yourself to be happy, allow yourself to be loved, and finally using Roman’s words don’t be your own villain. You have to love yourself before you can accept the love you deserve, it takes a lot of work but the support system you have is there for the entire ride.

Virgil

He looked at the paper and saw tear stains, he didn’t know when he started crying or why but he accepted it. The emotions took over he felt overwhelmed with sadness for his past self but joy about his current situation. He had so many reasons to be happy, most of them outlined in this letter. He decided to tape it to his mirror, to remind himself of his worth and the love he had. He would never tell the others but on particularly bad days he would stand in his bathroom and read this note until finally the voices in his head were quiet.

[thestoryofme13]

Psssst... you should write the early Virgil and Modern Virgil ™ interacting, only if you want.

So I did it and I really appreciate this ask! Thank you, friend!

Kinda nervous about this one, also feel free to send me anything!

So this is based on this post 

Warning: Anxiety, self-doubt? Not sure if there are more 

Virgil to Anxiety

Virgil was feeling nostalgic and he sure as hell, blamed Thomas for that. While the others could relive happy memories was, all of the memories Thomas had that Virgil played a part in were cringey to say the least and rarely were they "happy." Sure, there were those times that Virgil had causes Thomas to panic and expect the worse, then everything had turned out fine, but did those actually count as "happy" memories?

It wasn't just the nostalgia either, he wanted to try to make himself better. After the catastrophe that was going to Patton's room, Logan had to explain that while he still found emotions illogical, they were something that needed to be dealt with rather than pushed down and bottled up like Patton had been doing for so very long. Logan had gone on a long exposition about developing healthy coping mechanisms and that all emotions, negative or otherwise, demanded to be felt. The logical side had made it clear that each side is entitled to feel emotions that may not exactly align with what they represent. Logan was mainly addressing Patton but he made an example that could relate to each of the sides, "Patton, you are the embodiment of the heart but even the heart can experience bad feelings, for example, heart break. It doesn’t help any of us or Thomas for you to hide your feelings." Then Logan turned to Roman, "You are not as easily defined by your feelings as a trait, just because you are the ego and confidence, it would not be inappropriate for you to experience being insecure or scared." Finally, Logan turned to Virgil, "While you are the embodiment of Anxiety there is no logical reason that you could not also experience and express positive emotions. I dare say that it would be even healthy for you to be happy about what you contribute or feel pride in keeping Thomas safe." Logan finished his explanation and was content, "I have one more thing to add. If any of you are feeling these emotions that are foreign to you and would like someone to listen without judgment, I am willing to offer my services." Hearing Logan validate all the sides, made everyone immediately calmer, recognizing that there was logically nothing wrong with how any of them were feeling, in that moment they were all grateful for the logical sides' rational thinking.

Virgil had always accepted that he was not allowed to be happy or feel positive emotions, he was a negative trait, it did not make sense, but he supposed that if Patton was allowed to feel negative emotions then he was allowed to feel positive emotions. This is what lead Virgil to his computer to revisit some of the old videos, he wanted to experience something positive and maybe watching the others and Thomas learning to accept him would help him feel these positive emotions for the first time. He started with the "Taking on Anxiety" video, the involuntary cringe at seeing Thomas' reaction to his appearance could not have been missed. Did Thomas really hate him so much, that his appearance was a nuisance? Virgil had to admit he was slightly overbearing in this video, but couldn't they see that he was trying to protect Thomas? He had to admit that he was happy, Thomas had learned some healthy coping techniques from Lilly, it made his job easier. Something stuck out for him though was it truly possible that Thomas would be better off without him, Thomas had gone to Lilly looking for a way to completely get rid of anxiety, but that wouldn't work at least not in this case, he was after all a part of Thomas. Sure, at the end of the video Thomas "accepted" that he had anxiety but everyone knows that was for show and he'd much rather be rid of Virgil. After that video, he had tried to tone it down a bit to show just how important he was, that he was contributing just as much as the others. "Losing My Motivation" was a time where Virgil could show how vital he was to Thomas accomplishing things but Logan was having none of that, he just wanted to have someone to blame and Virgil was an easy target since no one liked him anyway. Logan was always complaining about Thomas' procrastination and in part that was Virgil's fault because if it couldn't be perfect what was the point. The shuffle on the

YouTube playlist must have been on because somehow the next video was "My Negative Thinking." Virgil was quite fond of this video, it was a time when he got to work at full force without being reigned in, that was until Logan had to rationally think through everything, still, this video was a time where he felt like an equal. Logan was logic, he wouldn't lie to Virgil about his "feelings." Finally, he had managed to get to the "Accepting Anxiety" videos, it was nice to see that while Logan and Roman may not have known how important Anxiety was to Thomas, that Patton was able to show them how they were wrong. He will admit that Roman's comments about not liking Virgil, hurt but it wasn't anything new. Logan, on the other hand, had just begun treating Virgil as an equal, for all that to be thrown into the wind was painful, at least he was able to see exactly what the Logical side thought when he didn't have to keep up appearances. There was something about the second part that seemed off though, Virgil couldn't help but notice how the others reacted when his voice changed, Patton looked terrified, Logan looked intrigued, and Roman looked indifferent. It was unsettling to see Patton look so terrified by him, how could he scare the only one who actually liked him, Virgil didn't notice it at the time obviously because he was focused on protecting Thomas and the others there was no time to worry about what their reactions were to his growing strength from his own room. He was going to stop there but he couldn't help it, seeing the others trying so hard to be accepting in the "Fitting In" video, gave him hope something he was unfamiliar with. Watching Princey try so hard to ne "nice" was entertaining although it looked like it physically caused him pain to say nice or indifferent things to Virgil, he appreciated the effort.

Virgil had enough of this reminiscing, even he had started to hate himself, which wasn’t uncommon for the anxious trait. If he hadn’t been so overbearing, maybe the others would have liked him more. Had someone told his old self this maybe it would’ve helped? He decided to use a coping technique that Logan had told them about and write. He wasn’t really sure what he was going to write but once he picked up the notebook and pen, it all just flowed.

Dear Anxiety,

I know this is stupid but Logan said this could help me with my feelings, so here goes nothing. Sometimes people talk over you, refuse to listen to your worries, or flat out ignore any of your concerns. Just know that you are doing what you believed was right, you were protecting Thomas.  Roman can be a bit mean but he does have a point, you two are opposites, he is the one that comes up with all the impossible dreams, whereas you point out all the things that could go wrong, you have to keep it realistic to protect Thomas, he’ll understand one day. Patton would never lie to you about how much you mean to him or how you are an important part of the group, you shouldn’t dismiss him as easily as you do, it can be okay to accept praise and affection from someone. Logan, well we are even now still trying to figure him out, he appreciates that you think things through and that you can see things from his perspective, but he will probably still say things to hurt you, not on purpose. He can’t always see the pain his words can inflict on others. Even Thomas learns to accept you and embrace you as a valued part, he just never realized how important you were when it came to decision making, he tries really hard to make sure you are okay, comfortable, and even happy. You may have always felt like the bad guy and that no one would ever love you, but look at where we are now. You have a family, a support system, who cares for you unconditionally. Nothing you could do would ruin this, they still don’t always listen to your concerns but you are heard. We are kept in the loop, invited out, even called on by Thomas ON PURPOSE! No one would have ever guessed that the “bad guy” could have won over so many hearts, especially not without giving up a piece of himself. We didn’t change one thing, well we did become more aware of our effects on Thomas, but we still are protecting him. I know this is stupid and useless and that you would never get to read this, but I know when I felt this way I needed someone to validate my existence and tell me of my importance. Things do get better, make good memories, allow yourself to be happy, allow yourself to be loved, and finally using Roman’s words don’t be your own villain. You have to love yourself before you can accept the love you deserve, it takes a lot of work but the support system you have is there for the entire ride.

Virgil

He looked at the paper and saw tear stains, he didn’t know when he started crying or why but he accepted it. The emotions took over he felt overwhelmed with sadness for his past self but joy about his current situation. He had so many reasons to be happy, most of them outlined in this letter. He decided to tape it to his mirror, to remind himself of his worth and the love he had. He would never tell the others but on particularly bad days he would stand in his bathroom and read this note until finally, the voices in his head were quiet.