#i lover her so much its unbesrable

[noxitsnox]

We know Sanji's family, they wouldn't be chill about her being trans so she has always repressed this part of her, she rejected all feminine things and shit. But once, when she's about 15, at the Baratie starts working a new waiter (who's name will be John). John doesn't work there for much, but Sanji will always remember him as a hero. Those few weeks with John really helped her accepting herself. There's this one night,for example, that Sanji will never forget.

More under the cut. (Tw: poor writing, slightly transphobics undertones on Sanji's side (she's in denial), way too long)

It was late night, the restaurant was closed and only members of the staff were on the ship, each one in their room. Sanji was walking towards hers when something caught her attention. John's door was open, the lights were on. She got near the door, trying to spy what was happening inside. John was sitting at his desk and he was... doing his make-up? Now she was confused, wasn't he a boy? Why would he ever even think about make-up? That's a girl thing, she thought. Sanji knew that what she was doing was wrong, observe an unaware person like that, but something wouldn't let her move. John saw her and invited her inside, he asked if there was something wrong. She wanted to run away, but instead she entered the room and asked

"what are you doing?" A soft laughed escaped the man in front of her, John shook his head, shrugging. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting ready dor the night." "Yes but you are- I am?- you're putting on lipstick!" Sanji looked away, slightly embarrassed, she didn't mean to scream. John laughed again. "Well yeah, your eyes works fine, amazing." Sanji rolled her eyes and pulled out a cigarette. She brought it to her lips only to find out she didn't have a lighter with her. "Yes, no but I mean, you're a man..? You shouldn't... be wearing lipstick," Sanji tried to explain herself. John took something from the desk in front of him and gave it to her. It was a lighter, she smiled and whispered a soft thanks. "And you shouldn't be smoking. Aren't you like 15?" Sanji glared as he light on the cigarette. She gave him back the lighter just as he continued talking. "But don't you think that's some kind of limiting thought to have?" She looked at him confused. "How is it limiting?" "Well, you are limiting your self expression." John got up and sat on the bed behind him, taking his shoes from under it.

Sanji enter even further in the room, getting near the desk, observing all of the make-up products on it. Something inside her craved those very same products, to see how she would look like when wearing them. At the same time there was a small voice telling her that her feelings were wrong, that she should be rejecting them. It was a strange feeling. Strange, but not new. She felt John's gaze on her back. Hesitantly she asked a further question. "When... when did you start wearing this things?" The man sighed. "I don't know... at 13? 14 maybe? I don't know." He stopped for a moment. "Have you ever tried it on?" "No." Sanji answered without thinking. John just looked at her in silence. "Actually... yes. My mother's blush. Once. When I was 7. I... I still have it with me here." She didn't know why she was being that honest with him, but there was something in John that mads him feel safe. She sighed. John was still looking at her. "Sit down." "What?" "Sit down for a moment."

And Sanji did it. She sat on the chair by the desk. John went to get something from it. A reassuring smile on his face when he showed her a lipstick. Its packaging was golden. John grabbed her chin. Sanji gripped the fabric of his pants in his hands as the man applied the lipstick on her lips. After he was done she looked at herself in the mirror in front of the desk. The lipstick was dark red, bourdaux. She smiled. It suited her.

John's voice brought her back to reality. "I have to go now, but you can keep this." He winked whike handing her the lipstick. Quickly he exited the room. Sanji sat there for little more, looking at the lipstick in her hands. There was a small cursive text on the bottom of the packaging, something she didn't notice earlier.

"Kissproof. André 047."