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rivals in rhythm - ch. iv

jake sim x m!reader

summary: you finally recognize your feelings for jake, who’s now trying to steal your best friend.

tags: so much jealousy!! everyone is jealous of someone here, hurt/comfort (?), denying feelings, poor sunghoon and heeseung are dragged into this mess, reader is slightly toxic (? making ppl jealous on purpose), second person pov, pov switch, y/n used a few times

a/n: 👉🏻👈🏻 sooo it took a while but here we are. request are open!!! i'm now working on the jay one <3

m.list prev next

you did have a crush on jake.

it was a painful realization, sure, but not surprising, heeseung told you. “you have always been obsessed with him,” he said as if it were a completely normal thing to say.

this month had been full of realizations and changes - you started the month hating jake with your whole heart, and now you had a crush on him. you talked with heeseung about it, said it out loud as if it would make the feeling disappear - spoiler, it didn’t disappear. you didn’t know how to act anymore. you said you wanted to be kinder to jake, but knowing how you feel now, you ended up overthinking every interaction with him. are you making things weird? is it obvious that you like him? are you making things awkward for everyone else in the room?

sunghoon had to come and talk to you. he asked you why did you change, putting you in the spot, you didn’t think you changed that much. and even if you did, why did he care?

your relationship with sunghoon was… undefined. he was a nice guy, but you never talked much outside of work. he was definitely professional. you respected him, but nothing else. you found out sunghoon was actually really nice to hang out with; he was calm but still funny and playful. you quickly understood why jake spent so much time with him.

and that last thought answered your question: he cared because your behavior towards his best friend changed so suddenly. sunghoon cared because jake was friend with everyone in the band - not with just one person, like you- and everyone cared about him.

but now sunghoon became a friend to you too, and it felt good.

when opening the phone you could chose who to text, if him or heeseung. and if heeseung was busy, you still had someone to play call of duty with. oh, and most importantly, sunghoon knew a lot of things about jake and was able to debunk the rumor about him and that idol. you couldn’t show it, but when sunghoon told you that you felt like flying, slowly lifting yourself from the ground and screaming with happiness.

—

“have you ever eaten this?” you asked sunghoon as you held a pack of weirdly flavored instant ramen in front of his face. he shook his head no, without really looking at it. you just put it in the cart without saying anything.

sunghoon, you noticed, was being very quiet. well, he was always quiet, but today he was even more quiet than usual. he barely talked and if he did, he’d say a one-syllable word. you didn’t pressure him into saying anything; it would be mean and unnecessary. he was an adult, if he wanted to tell you what’s on his mind he would. and, most importantly, you didn’t think you were close enough to press him into talking.

as you walked towards the check-out line you took out your phone. no notifications except a text from heeseung. “oh heesung and jake are staying out for dinner.” “mh? i don’t care”, sunghoon said. however his irritated face showed that he actually did care, a lot even. “oh sure… but isn’t it weird that they’re spending so much time together? they seem to be as close as ever.”

you just wanted to tease sunghoon a little, but this bothered you too. you weren’t jealous of heeseung and he and jake were friends even before these last few weeks. it was stupid. you didn’t want your best friend to spend time with your crush or you didn’t want your crush to spend time with your best friend?

sunghoon wrinkled his nose but didn’t say anything back, so you continued. “i mean, i’m honestly a bit hurt. it’s like they’re forgetting about us. aren’t you bothered at all?”

“that’s way too dramatic,” he said while putting the groceries on the cash register. “but?” sunghoon sighed, defeated. “but yes, i agree with you.”

you opened the camera app. “let’s send them a selfie of us having fun so they can be jealous too.”

—

“hoon sent me a pic of y/n and him”, jake said in a confused tone. today he and sunghoon hadn’t texted each other all day and along with the photo had arrived no explanation.

“are they okay?”

“yeah it looks like it… i just don’t get it.”

“get what, jake?”, heeseung didn’t take his eyes off the road. the sudden change in jake’s demeanor threw him off, but he tried not to show it.

“i don’t why sunghoon is spending so much time with him, they barely acknowledged each other last week and now? they can’t just act as if they’re best friend…” he sounded truly hurt, which heeseung found ironic since jake begged him to tell you they’d be eating out to see your reaction.

jake always had some sort of attraction for you, but it stayed hidden for years since you constantly pushed him away… but now, something changed and he could sense some hope in your awkward and slightly more frequent and less vulgar conversation. now it seemed like you care. and that’s the reason why he started getting closer to heeseung too, it all started by going to him and ask questions about you, your behavior, your type, everything heeseung could possibly know about you he wanted to know.

but then you started hanging out with sunghoon- his best friend, and so he started to hang out with heeseung even more to make it fair… however this week he still didn’t have a meaningful conversation with hoon and that brought down his mood by a ton.

it took a while for heeseung to answer, he never thought about it that way until now. "isn't the same for us though?".

"no. we were friends before, they weren't."

"why so jealous? honestly it was about time that y/n opened to the members." jake didn't look satisfied but said nothing. heeseung sighed, why was he always dealing with everyone's feelings? he was an idol not a therapist. "jake, tonight when he goes to sleep sunghoon will still think of you as his best friend, there's no doubt in that. also, don't you like hanging out with me?" he tried to bring the conversation on a less serious side.

"i guess you're right... but it's not just sunghoon, y/n too." jake whispered the last part, almost as if he was scared heeseung would hear it. he liked how your relationship evolved lately and he was scared that if the two of you didn't spend time together everything would go back to how it was before.

@exactlyinfp @rairaiblog-blog @nootnootpinguuu @gnusihcom @scary-thingz @naelvze @yourmaple17 @strayy-kidz

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coming soon!!

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enhypen bf text - hyung line

heeseung, jay, jake, sunghoon (separately) x reader

summary: you send them to the supermarket

tags: petnames, some cusswords, alcohol mentioned

@exactlyinfp

heeseung:

jay:

jake:

sunghoon:

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just come kiss me and bite me - p. jay x reader

non idol!park jay x reader

summary: three months in your relationship jay finally introduces you to his friends. despite the nervousness of the first meeting, you find that they are all very nice-especially heeseung. you and him get very close much to jay's disapproval. he doesn't say anything, but you can see something in him changed. and so one day, tired of you always hanging out with heeseung he confronts you about it in his own way.

tags: non idol au, jealous jay, poor heeseung is mentioned, relationship issues, estabilished relationship, second person pov, heejake briefly mentioned, petnames (baby), possessiveness, rough make out session, making out (also in non physical terms), wrote this with f!reader in mind but i shouldn't have used any feminine pronouns so it can be read as gn!reader

a/n: aaaa here's the request!!! first time writing for jay 🙂‍↕️ also why is heeseung the best friend in every fic i write?

*this fic contains suggestive content*

you arrived late to jay's apartment, shopping bags in your hands and sending a voice text to heeseung, thanking him for the ride. jay opened the door with an annoyed look on his face.

"let me guess, you were at the mall with heeseung." he crossed his arms on his chest and sighed. you had been spending a lot of time with him, but you didn't think it was a problem at all. ever since jay introduced you to him, you found a new best friend. at first jay tried not to care, he didn't want to be that kind of boyfriend. he should've been happy that his partner and his friends got along- just, you two spend so much time without him and jay knew very well how charismatic and good looking heeseung was. he couldn't help but be jealous.

you tried to hug him but he stayed still in his position.

mean, you thought, but you could understand where he was coming from. "i'm really sorry, baby. we were trying on some make up and we lost track of time."

one thing about jay: he'd preach for communication but would never tell you how he feels before it's too late. you might notice something is off, but he'd brush it off saying he's just stressed with work... and then you'd be in this situation.

it was your fault too, if there were faults in this. but heeseung was nice and you two happened to have the same day off so it was perfect to hangout, and this last week alone you and him spent so much time together because heeseung wanted to confess to jake and was planning how to do it. you didn't tell jay, heeseung asked to keep it a secret- even if you tried to tell him now, he wouldn't believe you. it was a mess.

your boyfriend started walking to his room and you followed him. "jay you don't have to be jealous of heeseung, he's just a friend... i'm sorry i'm late, we were really just buying make up!"

he walked closer to you. "oh c'mon, do you really think i'm that stupid?" he didn't scream, jay never screamed- he didn't need to, he had other ways to show he was mad: he'd clench his jaw, grin before talking, licked his teeth.

he was hot like that.

you hated it, you hated how good he looked. so good he'd make you forget why you were arguing inthe first place. he could just look at you with those dark eyes and it'd be enough for you to go crazy.

"i'm serious, i'd never do this to you."

jay grabbed your waist, shaking his head. he didn't say anything at first, he just laughed turning his head away. "it's not you i'm worried about, i know my friends and i know why i can't trust them..."

he pushed you on the bed, placing himself between your legs. "tell me...", he said in a whisper as a hand moved to your waist. "can heeseung do this, mh?"

you hated how good he looked right now, on top of you, his face so close to yours. "should we ask hi-", you teased only to be stopped by a sudden intruder in your mouth.

jay kissed you and you felt like dying. it was wet and passionate. he worked with his tounge in a way that would make you forget even there were other boys on earth in the moment. one boys was entertaining all your thoughts. jay bit your lower lip before pulling away.

"don't you dare..." his breath was heavy, you felt it hot against your skin.

he quickly repositioned himself on yor body- now his growing bulge was pressing hard on your thigh. he kissed your neck and sucked and pulled your skin like a vampire looking for blood. after a few minutes, he pulled away and admired the swollen bruise he made. it was big and dark, a shade of purple impossible to hide with make up; it was his claim on you.

and then... and then he got up and walked away.

he left you there, panting and alone on the bed wishing for more as he slowly approached the door.

"i can't believe you... where are you going ?!"

jay turned to you with that fake innocent look that made you lose your mind in anger. "mh? oh, jungwon asked for helo building the new couch he got. i'm heading over, y'know, with the traffic it might take me a while to get there." as he said this last part, he started walking towards the entrance door.

you got up from the bed followed him close behind. "jay you can't just do this- you gestured to your messy hair and clothes- and just leave!"

he chuckled, "try calling heeseung, he might help you." you just stared at him for seconds that felt like an eternity. "well, i love you. see ya later!"

"get lost!", you screamed as he opened the door and walked to the elevator.

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⋆｡°✩ locked out and locked in ✦ sim jaeyun

scenario one, maybe i picked up the wrong keys because the landlord explaining the rules was booooring; scenario two, maybe the keys are sooo ancient they started crumbling when they approached the lock; or scenario three, im totally unlucky today. (jake, probably)

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ pairing — sim jaeyun x male!reader

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ tags — fluff, really fluffy, just jake being a certified dumbass for fidgeting the keys to his new apt, bro's a giggle boy, bro kicking his feet when he realizes he's in love, bro down bad

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ warning + notes — too much sim jaeyun liking, like i'm in love with this man too much HSAGSHGFDAGEGH!!!

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ word count — 1.7k

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ looking for my main masterlist? — here's the legacy one!

It was just another quiet evening in your cramped but cozy apartment—the kind of evening that should’ve been spent buried in textbooks, cursing your life choices, and drinking lukewarm coffee.

And that’s exactly what you were doing.

You slumped over your desk, damp highlighter ink smudged on your cheek, squinting at a paragraph that might as well have been written in ancient Greek. The walls were thin in this building, but normally, the worst you had to deal with was your neighbor’s questionable taste in late-night TV.

Then the noises started.

At first, it was just a few thumps. Maybe someone dropping something heavy. No big deal.

Then came the scratching.

Then the jiggling.

You froze, pen hovering mid-air. That… didn’t sound like a dropped textbook. That sounded like someone … was trying to break into the apartment next door.

Your heart kicked into overdrive. Robber? Your grip tightened around your pen like it was a weapon.

You crept to the door, pressing your ear against the wood. More rustling. More jiggling. A frustrated groan—definitely not your usual neighbor.

Adrenaline surged. You weren’t about to let some thief waltz in and steal Mrs. Park’s collection of ceramic frogs.

You swung your door open, ready to fight.

And there he was.

A guy who’s tall, disheveled, and stupidly attractive — frozen mid-struggle with a key that clearly wasn’t working. He had one foot braced against the doorframe, hands wrestling with the lock like it had personally offended him. His dark hair was mussed from frustration, cheeks slightly flushed, and when he turned at the sound of your door, his wide, startled eyes locked onto yours.

For half a second, time stopped.

Then you lunged.

"HEY—"

You didn’t just grab the poor thing—oh no. You full-body tackled him and flipped him upside down.

The second his back hit the hallway carpet with a thud, you were on top of him, knees pinning his hips, hands gripping his wrists like you were some kind of action hero.

"WAITWAITWAIT—!" He threw his hands up, stumbling back as you grabbed his arm in what you thought was a martial arts move but was probably closer to a desperate octopus attack.

"I'M NOT A ROBBER!"

You didn’t let go. "Then tell me why did I just catch you breaking in?"

"Breaking i- I live here!" His voice cracked. "I just—ugh—moved in today and my key won’t work!"

You squinted. He looked… sincere. Also slightly pathetic, still disheveled under your mercy against the floor, looking like a kicked puppy.

Slowly, you loosened your grip. "…You’re serious?"

"Yes!" He exhaled, rubbing his arm where you’d grabbed him (oops). "I’m Jake. New student. Just transferred. Landlord gave me the wrong key, I think." He groaned, running a hand through his hair. "I’ve been out here forever."

Oh.

Oh no.

Because now that the adrenaline was fading, you really looked at him.

This Jake guy? Boy was he unfairly pretty.

His brown eyes were warm, even when stressed. His lips were pursed in a pout that should not have been cute. And his voice—slightly heavy and thick with an accent, slightly whiny too—was doing things to your pulse that definitely weren’t fight-or-flight anymore.

You cleared your throat, scratching your itchy nape and about. "Uh. Right. Sorry about the—" You mimed strangling him.

He laughed. Actually laughed, head tilting back, and wow, okay, that was a problem. "It’s fine," he grinned. "I’d have freaked out too."

You scratched the back of your neck. "I can call the landlord for you?"

His whole face lit up. "Please?"

Just as you were about to pull out your phone, the door across the hall creaked open.

Old Mr. Kim, your perpetually grumpy neighbor, stood there in his pajamas, squinting at the scene: You still hovered over Jake at the floor, his shirt rucked up from the struggle, both of you flushed and breathing hard.

A beat of silence.

Then Mr. Kim smirked.

"Tch. Kids these days," he muttered. "Can’t even wait until inside the apartment, huh?"

Your face burned. "No—we weren’t—"

He waved a hand. "Save it. Just keep the noise down."

Then, with a knowing chuckle, he added:

"I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone."

The door clicked shut.

Silence.

You were still hovering over Jake.

Jake’s face was now the color of a ripe tomato.

Slowly, painfully aware of how this looked, you rolled off him and onto the floor, staring at the ceiling.

"Ugh …" you said, voice strained. "That happened."

Jake covered his face with his hands. "I’m never recovering from this. This is definitely a lesson about shame and dignity."

You groaned. "Same."

A pause.

Then, despite everything—you both started laughing.

Jake peeked through his fingers, grinning. "Guess we really made an impression on the neighbors."

You snorted. "At least now they won’t call the cops when we actually break in."

Jake’s smile softened. "...Worth it."

And oh, the way he was looking at you—all warm and fond and interested—made your stomach flip. Again. Did I mention ‘again’? Whatever technicality it might seem, your guts just couldn’t handle this much fuzz.

Ten minutes later, the landlord arrived, grumbling about "kids these days" as he fixed the lock. Jake stood next to you, arms crossed, his shoulder brushing yours every time he shifted.

And that’s when you noticed.

The glances.

The way his eyes kept flicking to you when he thought you weren’t looking.

The smile he tried (and failed) to hide when you cracked a dumb joke about the landlord’s choice in keychains.

By the time the door finally creaked open, Jake hesitated before stepping inside.

"Hey," he said, softer now. "Thanks for, uh. Not actually murdering me."

You snorted. "Anytime."

He bit his lip. Then, in a rush: "We should hang out. Since we’re neighbors. And, y’know. You’re cool."

Cool? Cool?! Jake wanted to kick himself.

Ask his name, you idiot, you didn’t even ask for his name!

Flooded with unspoken thoughts, Jake just smiled—slow and sweet. And you? You knew exactly how flustered Jake was.

"Yeah," he said, soft. "I’d like that."

Jake’s heart then stuttered.

He was so screwed.

—

The glow of streetlights bled through the thin curtains, painting stripes of gold across Jake’s ceiling. He lay there, limbs splayed like a starfish, one arm thrown over his eyes as if that could block out the memory—the phantom weight of you pressed against him, the way your knee had dug into his hip just shy of painful, the sharp inhale you’d taken when he’d blurted out We should hang out like some clumsy teenager.

His skin still burned where you’d touched him.

God.

He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow hard enough to stifle the pathetic noise crawling up his throat.

Who falls for someone like this?

Who got pinned to the floor in a half-assed wrestling move and walked away with his pulse hammering for hours? (Him. Obviously.)

The worst part wasn’t the embarrassment—though that was bad, sure, especially with old neighbor’s knowing smirk burned into his brain. No, the worst part was the way his chest ached with it, the way his fingers twitched against the sheets like they were searching for something to hold onto.

The way he could still smell you—that stupidly good smelling shampoo, the sharp bite of adrenaline-sweat, the warmth of your breath when you’d leaned in to apologize.

He groaned, kicking at the tangled sheets. He was kicking his feet in the air like a giggly young girl.

He was never going to sleep again.

—

Dawn came too soon, pale and insistent, creeping through the gaps in the blinds. Jake blinked gritty eyes at the ceiling, vaguely aware that he’d dozed off at some point—though rested was too generous a word for the way his thoughts had spun in frantic circles all night.

He dragged himself upright, rubbing a hand over his face. His mouth tasted like regret and stale toothpaste.

The floor was cold under his bare feet as he shuffled to the door, half-convinced last night had been some sleep-deprived fever dream.

Then he saw it.

A scratched note from a pad, brightly lined and white against the hardwood floor, snuck underneath the apartment door.

Jake’s breath caught.

He reached for it slowly, as if it might vanish under his fingertips. The paper was slightly wrinkled at the edges, like you’d hesitated before sliding it there.

"Sorry again for the assault. Here’s a peace offering. —Your (Hopefully) Favorite Neighbor"

Curious, Jake opened his door and saw a set of goods sitting in the entrance, as if it were diligently waiting for him.

Inside a large paper bag was a large cup of freshly brewed espresso from the café across the street, still warm to the touch, condensation beading along its sides. Next to it, a small plastic case, its still warm with moisture—inside, two glazed donuts, perfectly golden, their sugary surfaces gleaming under the hallway light.

Jake’s fingers lightly tingled as he picked up the coffee.

He took a sip.

Perfect.

Not too bitter, not too sweet—just right, the way he always took it. Was it a lucky guess?

Jake pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum, like he could physically shove down the thing fluttering behind his ribs.

The note crinkled in his grip.

He should not be this affected by a goddamn scratched letter.

But then he traced the curve of your handwriting—messy, hurried, the Y in Your looping like you’d started to write something else—and his throat went tight.

He pressed the note to his chest before he could stop himself, closing his eyes.

The coffee was perfect.

The donuts were perfect.

You were—

Jake exhaled, long and shaky, and took another sip to hide the smile tugging at his lips.

Yeah.

He was so, so screwed.

EN—D

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ kai's notes — ANADA JAKE HIT BRUHHHHH also i missed you all .. i will write more i was just stuck in uni but also AAAAAA JAKE JAKE I LOVE YOU i just know this guy is too adorable when he realizes he's in love bruh

my masterlist! | made by writhyv 💘

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Picture You {Jay x Reader}

Synopsis: The thing that Jay regrets most is choosing music over you. Now he's determined to win you back with a trip down memory lane.

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort (Kinda), Second chance romance, exes to lovers, fluff, happy ending, Incorrect letter formatting (sorry), Jay is downbad, short :(

Now playing: Picture You by Chappell Roan

ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ

Once you had thought you were in love.

You thought you had met the man you would marry and die for. You thought it was perfect. He had been your first and only love. He was your prince charming. A man written in ink on the pages of a fairy tale.

That was before he broke your heart.

Jay's dream since he had been young was to be a musician. You supported his dream with enthusiasm. Anything for him. Yet his dream was what caused the problems.

Jay planned to be a musician, surely he would travel.

You wanted to stay and go to college and major in history. The thought of him leaving had hurt, but you were willing to be a long distance couple as long as he was happy. Surely everything would be okay as long as he came back to you?

Not even close.

Jay was leaving permanently. He wanted to move elsewhere where he would have a bigger chance atsuccess in his beginner music career.

Blinded by his greed for the thing all humans desired, success, he broke up with you. He wasn't willing to try long distance. He wanted fame not love.

He chose music over you, the one person he was supposed to love more than anything.

You hated him for it.

Even now three years later his betrayal plagued the back of your mind. It weighed down your heart, and sometimes when you laid alone in bed at night thinking about your friends with their perfect love lives, it caused you to have trouble breathing.

To ignore the ache in your heart caused by your first love, you threw yourself into the other aspects of your life headstrong. You got a degree and worked at the history museum you had dreamed of working for since you fell in love with history. You should be proud of yourself but you weren't.

Because you didn't want you to be proud of yourself, you wanted him to be proud of you. But he wasn't here was he?

Believe it or not, Jay was faring far worse than you.

Despite achieving his dream and becoming a musician, he missed you terribly. He had regretted his decision immediately. But it was too late, he had already been on the plane.

Even three years later he felt like his heart was missing from his chest. It was with you, he knew it. It had always been yours. ANd since he had broken yours you need his. Still his arms ached to hold you.

He was deeply forgetting what you sounded like so he would listen to your old voice mails. He kept them all. He never wanted to forget the precise shade of your eyes so he would go through the photos he took of you back when you were together.

He wondered about you every waking minute, he wasn't free from his regret even in his dreams as he often dreamed of you. Had you moved on? Were you healthy? Did you eat and sleep enough? He knew your habit of working late at night because it made you feel more motivated. Back when you were together he would have to beg you to sleep.

He had to psychically stop him himself from contacting you to make sure you were okay. Yes, hehad kept your contact information after all this time.

He clung to a foolish hope of you reaching out to him and allowing him to mend the heart he had broken.

If the chance ever arose he would cradle the broken pieces with such tenderness they would have no choice but to heal. He wanted to take care of you again.

Jay learned something in those three years. He couldn't live without you.

Due to old friends you were still in contact with, Jay had managed to scrap together your address and that you were working at your dream job. Fuck he was so proud of you, but wasn't there to support you.

And it was all his fault.

He was going to fix this, he promised you in his head. It was the least he could do.

ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ

With exhaustion racking your body you fumbled for your keys to unlock your front door. Your hand dug around your bag waiting to feel cold metal. As you searched your mailbox snagged your attention. You hadn't checked it today. After you finally found your keys and pulled them out, you flipped to your mailbox key and unlocked it. You were lucky you lived infront of your sections mailbox at your apartment complex.

You flipped through your mail barley glancing at the magazine and junk mail. You paused at a letter. As you read who it was from your heart plummeted straight out of your chest and onto the floor.

To Y/n L/N

From Park Jay

He had sent you a letter? After all these years? Why? What could he possibly want? Throwing away the junk mail you unlocked your apartment and rushed inside. Not even bothering to take off your shoes you sat on your couch and tore open the letter.

A part of you still craves something from the man that had both stolen and shattered your heart.

Dearest Y/n,

It's been a long time I know. Words will never be able to describe how bleak life has been without you. Please understand walking away from you was the greatest mistake of my life. My second greatest mistake was not being yours sooner.

Do you remember when I asked you to be mine, beloved? It was in September. It was raining and you were upset cause the rain was ruining your outfit for your speech, not that you cared about the clothes but didn't want to seem messy to those listening. You looked so down my heart ached for you.

I thought I could offer a slight bit of joy. Atleast enough to take away your brokenhearted expression. Finally I mustered up the courage to inform you of my fascination. I had zero expectation of you reciprocating.

Did I look as shocked as I felt when you mirrored my words?

That was the happiest day of my life. Thinking about it now, writing this, it makes me teary to imagine that day. We were so filled with joy. What happened to us my love?

I broke your heart, I understand. And im sorry. I know those words don't mean anything but I can't express in words the regret I hold in my heart.

Please let us rekindle the joy we once shared.

Love,

Jay

You were surprised when a tear of your own rolled down your cheek. After all this time it still hurt.

Did he really regret it?

Or was it all a ploy?

If you gave him your heart again would he just crumble it in his palm?

You were scared. Jay breaking up with you had been painful. You never wanted to go through that again.

Absolutely drained, you sat the letter down and prepared for bed. Yet no matter how tired you were, you didn't sleep much that night.

ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ

Dearest Y/N,

Do you remember when I told you I wanted to be a musician? You helped me look for a guitar for hours. Scrolling through instrument after instrument as I looked for the best.

The next morning you had to leave early but you still went out of your way to leave me a list of music programs and stores around town.

You wanted to help be even if you hadn't a clue what I was talking about most of the time. How could I not see that you were just trying to support me? And I choose greed over you.

I wouldn't do it again I can assure you my love. Please consider my words.

Love,

Jay

Dearest Y/N,

You always were adorable when you were sick even though you said you looked like a snot monster.

Once we had this big date plan. Reservations at this super nice restaurant. Yet you got sick. You felt so bad. You tired to drag yourself out of bed and get ready anyway, all because you didn't want to disappoint me.

Your selfless acts like that killed me Sweetheart.

I refused to let you leave the bed. I canceled all our plans and took care of you instead. It was my joy to help you.

I want to help you again. Please give me a chance. I'll put you first this time.

Love

Jay

Dearest Y/N,

All my songs are about you. Ever song about love or heartbreak, they all have one muse.

Have you heard them? Of course I understand if you haven't.

I want to write a happy song.

Please let me write a happy song.

Love

Jay

The letters were nonstop. You received one every single day. Which led you to believe that they were being hand delivered instead of delivered by mail.

Each one was pleading for you. Recounting a fond memory from the past.

Memories you wish you'd forgotten.

Jay missed you. He was still in love with you. It was a lot to process.

After two weeks of letters you finally decided to do something new. You wrote back. Picking up the nearest pen and paper you didn't think, just let the emotions flow from inside you onto the paper.

Dear Jay,

Didn't expect this did you?

For me to actually respond, or were you thinking the letters were collecting dust in my mailbox? That they weren't even worthy of me touching them enough to throw them away?

If I was anyone else they'd be in the trash.

Or burned.

But I miss you. Even though I shouldn't.

Letters aren't good enough for the things we have to discuss. If your serious meet me where we had our first date. Friday at noon.

You hesitated for a moment about how to sign it before simply opting for your name. It still felt to formal for the history you and Jay shared.

You mailed it, filling out the information from the letters you received. Turns out Jay had indeed moved back. You wondered if he was back again for good or if he would leave for the first tempting offer he got?

This was the only chance you were giving him. No more.

ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִִֶֶָָ

Jay shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He waited for you anxiously. The park was kind of windy, he hoped you had brought a jacket.

When he received your response he wanted to cry out of relief. You were giving him a chance. He was so excited he got to the park an hour early. There was no chance he was letting you get here before him. He had to show you he was serious about being with you again.

"Your still persistent." Your voice sounded the same.

Jay turned and nearly wept all over again. How had you gotten even more beautiful?

"Is my persistence they key to my success?" Jay asked hopefully.

"Maybe."

That was good enough for him. A maybe was better than a flat out no. Still dread pooled in his stomach. He opened his mouth to speak but you held up your hand, shutting him up immediately.

"I just want to say if your lying to me please go fuck yourself. Because I loved you Jay. And a part of me, a stupidly big part of me, still does. I hate you for it. But I'm also relived you regret it. I miss you." The words fell from you. They were messy and all over the place but they were honest.

"I'm not lying to you. I'd never lie to you." Jay was quick to assure you.

You were silent for a few. Jay took the silence as an opening.

"I could of had a collab deal today. An artist reached out to me expressing interest in collabing. I said no."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to put you first this time. Like I will next time and all the times after that. If you let me I will make you my priority."

You stared at him before speaking. "I'm giving you one chance Jay."

The wanting to cry feeling was back. He pulled you into a hug before he could think. You still felt like you perfectly fit in his hold. He burried his face in your hair as he held you tightly against him as if assuring himself this was real and not some wicked dream his mind conceived to torture him.

"I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. You won't regret it. I promise." He pressed a kiss to the top og your head.

"I love you too Jay." You whispered against his chest, the words feeling like home.

Taglist~! (Let me know if you want to be added)

@cakeforwonu @noxitsnox

[noxitsnox]

away we happened

pairing: park sunghoon x reader genre: strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers, smau/fake texts, sort of long distance, business man!sunghoon x photographer!yn warnings: profanity, friendly teasing, internet brain rot humor, just the usual! 18+ not proofread pls ignore typos heh

synopsis: yn and sunghoon run into each other at the airport after an argument. thankfully they'll never have to see each other ever again until they both notice that they've accidentally taken each other's bags.

inspired by "away we happened" a short youtube series by wong fu productions

hoonieyun notes: what do we think... does this deserve a part 2? i did leave it on quite a cliffhanger.. let me know :p

ᡣ•.•𐭩♡ @pagemiah @jiiyen @jnysaln @xh01bri @rairaiblog @laurradoesloveu @manaah02 @zorange13 @firstclassjaylee @kristynaaah @17ericas @heeseung64 @leipforggy @s1rawb3rry

copyright 2025 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned. if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3

[noxitsnox]

hi! can i request fanboy matthew x idol m reader? the plot can be anything you want really

You have no idea of how much I love this concept, I'm starting this today!

[noxitsnox]

Requests are open!!!!!! Squid Game and Kpop!!! And if you have any request for Alien Stage I won't say no either y'know ;)

[noxitsnox]

just come kiss me and bite me - p. jay x reader

non idol!park jay x reader

summary: three months in your relationship jay finally introduces you to his friends. despite the nervousness of the first meeting, you find that they are all very nice-especially heeseung. you and him get very close much to jay's disapproval. he doesn't say anything, but you can see something in him changed. and so one day, tired of you always hanging out with heeseung he confronts you about it in his own way.

tags: non idol au, jealous jay, poor heeseung is mentioned, relationship issues, estabilished relationship, second person pov, heejake briefly mentioned, petnames (baby), possessiveness, rough make out session, making out (also in non physical terms), wrote this with f!reader in mind but i shouldn't have used any feminine pronouns so it can be read as gn!reader

a/n: aaaa here's the request!!! first time writing for jay 🙂‍↕️ also why is heeseung the best friend in every fic i write?

*this fic contains suggestive content*

you arrived late to jay's apartment, shopping bags in your hands and sending a voice text to heeseung, thanking him for the ride. jay opened the door with an annoyed look on his face.

"let me guess, you were at the mall with heeseung." he crossed his arms on his chest and sighed. you had been spending a lot of time with him, but you didn't think it was a problem at all. ever since jay introduced you to him, you found a new best friend. at first jay tried not to care, he didn't want to be that kind of boyfriend. he should've been happy that his partner and his friends got along- just, you two spend so much time without him and jay knew very well how charismatic and good looking heeseung was. he couldn't help but be jealous.

you tried to hug him but he stayed still in his position.

mean, you thought, but you could understand where he was coming from. "i'm really sorry, baby. we were trying on some make up and we lost track of time."

one thing about jay: he'd preach for communication but would never tell you how he feels before it's too late. you might notice something is off, but he'd brush it off saying he's just stressed with work... and then you'd be in this situation.

it was your fault too, if there were faults in this. but heeseung was nice and you two happened to have the same day off so it was perfect to hangout, and this last week alone you and him spent so much time together because heeseung wanted to confess to jake and was planning how to do it. you didn't tell jay, heeseung asked to keep it a secret- even if you tried to tell him now, he wouldn't believe you. it was a mess.

your boyfriend started walking to his room and you followed him. "jay you don't have to be jealous of heeseung, he's just a friend... i'm sorry i'm late, we were really just buying make up!"

he walked closer to you. "oh c'mon, do you really think i'm that stupid?" he didn't scream, jay never screamed- he didn't need to, he had other ways to show he was mad: he'd clench his jaw, grin before talking, licked his teeth.

he was hot like that.

you hated it, you hated how good he looked. so good he'd make you forget why you were arguing inthe first place. he could just look at you with those dark eyes and it'd be enough for you to go crazy.

"i'm serious, i'd never do this to you."

jay grabbed your waist, shaking his head. he didn't say anything at first, he just laughed turning his head away. "it's not you i'm worried about, i know my friends and i know why i can't trust them..."

he pushed you on the bed, placing himself between your legs. "tell me...", he said in a whisper as a hand moved to your waist. "can heeseung do this, mh?"

you hated how good he looked right now, on top of you, his face so close to yours. "should we ask hi-", you teased only to be stopped by a sudden intruder in your mouth.

jay kissed you and you felt like dying. it was wet and passionate. he worked with his tounge in a way that would make you forget even there were other boys on earth in the moment. one boys was entertaining all your thoughts. jay bit your lower lip before pulling away.

"don't you dare..." his breath was heavy, you felt it hot against your skin.

he quickly repositioned himself on yor body- now his growing bulge was pressing hard on your thigh. he kissed your neck and sucked and pulled your skin like a vampire looking for blood. after a few minutes, he pulled away and admired the swollen bruise he made. it was big and dark, a shade of purple impossible to hide with make up; it was his claim on you.

and then... and then he got up and walked away.

he left you there, panting and alone on the bed wishing for more as he slowly approached the door.

"i can't believe you... where are you going ?!"

jay turned to you with that fake innocent look that made you lose your mind in anger. "mh? oh, jungwon asked for helo building the new couch he got. i'm heading over, y'know, with the traffic it might take me a while to get there." as he said this last part, he started walking towards the entrance door.

you got up from the bed followed him close behind. "jay you can't just do this- you gestured to your messy hair and clothes- and just leave!"

he chuckled, "try calling heeseung, he might help you." you just stared at him for seconds that felt like an eternity. "well, i love you. see ya later!"

"get lost!", you screamed as he opened the door and walked to the elevator.

[noxitsnox]

i had this in mind for so long and i'd love if you could write it!!

it's a non idol au, so jay and f reader have been dating for a while but she still has to meet jay's friends. one day they organize a dinner together and reader finally meets the members, she gets along especially with heeseung or sunghoon and they start texting and hanging out together. and jay gets jealous but he doesn't want to seem possessive so he doesn't say anything but reader notices he's acting a bit weird and they talk and they make up and everyone's happy.

i'd love to read this!! thank you so much ❣️

posting this later today!!

[noxitsnox]

rivals in rhythm - ch. iv

jake sim x m!reader

summary: you finally recognize your feelings for jake, who’s now trying to steal your best friend.

tags: so much jealousy!! everyone is jealous of someone here, hurt/comfort (?), denying feelings, poor sunghoon and heeseung are dragged into this mess, reader is slightly toxic (? making ppl jealous on purpose), second person pov, pov switch, y/n used a few times

a/n: 👉🏻👈🏻 sooo it took a while but here we are. request are open!!! i'm now working on the jay one <3

m.list prev next

you did have a crush on jake.

it was a painful realization, sure, but not surprising, heeseung told you. “you have always been obsessed with him,” he said as if it were a completely normal thing to say.

this month had been full of realizations and changes - you started the month hating jake with your whole heart, and now you had a crush on him. you talked with heeseung about it, said it out loud as if it would make the feeling disappear - spoiler, it didn’t disappear. you didn’t know how to act anymore. you said you wanted to be kinder to jake, but knowing how you feel now, you ended up overthinking every interaction with him. are you making things weird? is it obvious that you like him? are you making things awkward for everyone else in the room?

sunghoon had to come and talk to you. he asked you why did you change, putting you in the spot, you didn’t think you changed that much. and even if you did, why did he care?

your relationship with sunghoon was… undefined. he was a nice guy, but you never talked much outside of work. he was definitely professional. you respected him, but nothing else. you found out sunghoon was actually really nice to hang out with; he was calm but still funny and playful. you quickly understood why jake spent so much time with him.

and that last thought answered your question: he cared because your behavior towards his best friend changed so suddenly. sunghoon cared because jake was friend with everyone in the band - not with just one person, like you- and everyone cared about him.

but now sunghoon became a friend to you too, and it felt good.

when opening the phone you could chose who to text, if him or heeseung. and if heeseung was busy, you still had someone to play call of duty with. oh, and most importantly, sunghoon knew a lot of things about jake and was able to debunk the rumor about him and that idol. you couldn’t show it, but when sunghoon told you that you felt like flying, slowly lifting yourself from the ground and screaming with happiness.

—

“have you ever eaten this?” you asked sunghoon as you held a pack of weirdly flavored instant ramen in front of his face. he shook his head no, without really looking at it. you just put it in the cart without saying anything.

sunghoon, you noticed, was being very quiet. well, he was always quiet, but today he was even more quiet than usual. he barely talked and if he did, he’d say a one-syllable word. you didn’t pressure him into saying anything; it would be mean and unnecessary. he was an adult, if he wanted to tell you what’s on his mind he would. and, most importantly, you didn’t think you were close enough to press him into talking.

as you walked towards the check-out line you took out your phone. no notifications except a text from heeseung. “oh heesung and jake are staying out for dinner.” “mh? i don’t care”, sunghoon said. however his irritated face showed that he actually did care, a lot even. “oh sure… but isn’t it weird that they’re spending so much time together? they seem to be as close as ever.”

you just wanted to tease sunghoon a little, but this bothered you too. you weren’t jealous of heeseung and he and jake were friends even before these last few weeks. it was stupid. you didn’t want your best friend to spend time with your crush or you didn’t want your crush to spend time with your best friend?

sunghoon wrinkled his nose but didn’t say anything back, so you continued. “i mean, i’m honestly a bit hurt. it’s like they’re forgetting about us. aren’t you bothered at all?”

“that’s way too dramatic,” he said while putting the groceries on the cash register. “but?” sunghoon sighed, defeated. “but yes, i agree with you.”

you opened the camera app. “let’s send them a selfie of us having fun so they can be jealous too.”

—

“hoon sent me a pic of y/n and him”, jake said in a confused tone. today he and sunghoon hadn’t texted each other all day and along with the photo had arrived no explanation.

“are they okay?”

“yeah it looks like it… i just don’t get it.”

“get what, jake?”, heeseung didn’t take his eyes off the road. the sudden change in jake’s demeanor threw him off, but he tried not to show it.

“i don’t why sunghoon is spending so much time with him, they barely acknowledged each other last week and now? they can’t just act as if they’re best friend…” he sounded truly hurt, which heeseung found ironic since jake begged him to tell you they’d be eating out to see your reaction.

jake always had some sort of attraction for you, but it stayed hidden for years since you constantly pushed him away… but now, something changed and he could sense some hope in your awkward and slightly more frequent and less vulgar conversation. now it seemed like you care. and that’s the reason why he started getting closer to heeseung too, it all started by going to him and ask questions about you, your behavior, your type, everything heeseung could possibly know about you he wanted to know.

but then you started hanging out with sunghoon- his best friend, and so he started to hang out with heeseung even more to make it fair… however this week he still didn’t have a meaningful conversation with hoon and that brought down his mood by a ton.

it took a while for heeseung to answer, he never thought about it that way until now. "isn't the same for us though?".

"no. we were friends before, they weren't."

"why so jealous? honestly it was about time that y/n opened to the members." jake didn't look satisfied but said nothing. heeseung sighed, why was he always dealing with everyone's feelings? he was an idol not a therapist. "jake, tonight when he goes to sleep sunghoon will still think of you as his best friend, there's no doubt in that. also, don't you like hanging out with me?" he tried to bring the conversation on a less serious side.

"i guess you're right... but it's not just sunghoon, y/n too." jake whispered the last part, almost as if he was scared heeseung would hear it. he liked how your relationship evolved lately and he was scared that if the two of you didn't spend time together everything would go back to how it was before.

@exactlyinfp @rairaiblog-blog @nootnootpinguuu @gnusihcom @scary-thingz @naelvze @yourmaple17 @strayy-kidz

[noxitsnox]

Can you do friends to lovers with Jake ?

Yes ofc! But can you give me some more details please 🙏🏻🩷

[noxitsnox]

rivals in rhythm - ch. iv

jake sim x m!reader

summary: you finally recognize your feelings for jake, who’s now trying to steal your best friend.

tags: so much jealousy!! everyone is jealous of someone here, hurt/comfort (?), denying feelings, poor sunghoon and heeseung are dragged into this mess, reader is slightly toxic (? making ppl jealous on purpose), second person pov, pov switch, y/n used a few times

a/n: 👉🏻👈🏻 sooo it took a while but here we are. request are open!!! i'm now working on the jay one <3

m.list prev next

you did have a crush on jake.

it was a painful realization, sure, but not surprising, heeseung told you. “you have always been obsessed with him,” he said as if it were a completely normal thing to say.

this month had been full of realizations and changes - you started the month hating jake with your whole heart, and now you had a crush on him. you talked with heeseung about it, said it out loud as if it would make the feeling disappear - spoiler, it didn’t disappear. you didn’t know how to act anymore. you said you wanted to be kinder to jake, but knowing how you feel now, you ended up overthinking every interaction with him. are you making things weird? is it obvious that you like him? are you making things awkward for everyone else in the room?

sunghoon had to come and talk to you. he asked you why did you change, putting you in the spot, you didn’t think you changed that much. and even if you did, why did he care?

your relationship with sunghoon was… undefined. he was a nice guy, but you never talked much outside of work. he was definitely professional. you respected him, but nothing else. you found out sunghoon was actually really nice to hang out with; he was calm but still funny and playful. you quickly understood why jake spent so much time with him.

and that last thought answered your question: he cared because your behavior towards his best friend changed so suddenly. sunghoon cared because jake was friend with everyone in the band - not with just one person, like you- and everyone cared about him.

but now sunghoon became a friend to you too, and it felt good.

when opening the phone you could chose who to text, if him or heeseung. and if heeseung was busy, you still had someone to play call of duty with. oh, and most importantly, sunghoon knew a lot of things about jake and was able to debunk the rumor about him and that idol. you couldn’t show it, but when sunghoon told you that you felt like flying, slowly lifting yourself from the ground and screaming with happiness.

—

“have you ever eaten this?” you asked sunghoon as you held a pack of weirdly flavored instant ramen in front of his face. he shook his head no, without really looking at it. you just put it in the cart without saying anything.

sunghoon, you noticed, was being very quiet. well, he was always quiet, but today he was even more quiet than usual. he barely talked and if he did, he’d say a one-syllable word. you didn’t pressure him into saying anything; it would be mean and unnecessary. he was an adult, if he wanted to tell you what’s on his mind he would. and, most importantly, you didn’t think you were close enough to press him into talking.

as you walked towards the check-out line you took out your phone. no notifications except a text from heeseung. “oh heesung and jake are staying out for dinner.” “mh? i don’t care”, sunghoon said. however his irritated face showed that he actually did care, a lot even. “oh sure… but isn’t it weird that they’re spending so much time together? they seem to be as close as ever.”

you just wanted to tease sunghoon a little, but this bothered you too. you weren’t jealous of heeseung and he and jake were friends even before these last few weeks. it was stupid. you didn’t want your best friend to spend time with your crush or you didn’t want your crush to spend time with your best friend?

sunghoon wrinkled his nose but didn’t say anything back, so you continued. “i mean, i’m honestly a bit hurt. it’s like they’re forgetting about us. aren’t you bothered at all?”

“that’s way too dramatic,” he said while putting the groceries on the cash register. “but?” sunghoon sighed, defeated. “but yes, i agree with you.”

you opened the camera app. “let’s send them a selfie of us having fun so they can be jealous too.”

—

“hoon sent me a pic of y/n and him”, jake said in a confused tone. today he and sunghoon hadn’t texted each other all day and along with the photo had arrived no explanation.

“are they okay?”

“yeah it looks like it… i just don’t get it.”

“get what, jake?”, heeseung didn’t take his eyes off the road. the sudden change in jake’s demeanor threw him off, but he tried not to show it.

“i don’t why sunghoon is spending so much time with him, they barely acknowledged each other last week and now? they can’t just act as if they’re best friend…” he sounded truly hurt, which heeseung found ironic since jake begged him to tell you they’d be eating out to see your reaction.

jake always had some sort of attraction for you, but it stayed hidden for years since you constantly pushed him away… but now, something changed and he could sense some hope in your awkward and slightly more frequent and less vulgar conversation. now it seemed like you care. and that’s the reason why he started getting closer to heeseung too, it all started by going to him and ask questions about you, your behavior, your type, everything heeseung could possibly know about you he wanted to know.

but then you started hanging out with sunghoon- his best friend, and so he started to hang out with heeseung even more to make it fair… however this week he still didn’t have a meaningful conversation with hoon and that brought down his mood by a ton.

it took a while for heeseung to answer, he never thought about it that way until now. "isn't the same for us though?".

"no. we were friends before, they weren't."

"why so jealous? honestly it was about time that y/n opened to the members." jake didn't look satisfied but said nothing. heeseung sighed, why was he always dealing with everyone's feelings? he was an idol not a therapist. "jake, tonight when he goes to sleep sunghoon will still think of you as his best friend, there's no doubt in that. also, don't you like hanging out with me?" he tried to bring the conversation on a less serious side.

"i guess you're right... but it's not just sunghoon, y/n too." jake whispered the last part, almost as if he was scared heeseung would hear it. he liked how your relationship evolved lately and he was scared that if the two of you didn't spend time together everything would go back to how it was before.

@exactlyinfp @rairaiblog-blog @nootnootpinguuu @gnusihcom @scary-thingz @naelvze @yourmaple17 @strayy-kidz

[noxitsnox]

do you write for zb1?

Yesss!!!!! If you have a request send it in, I'd love to write for them

[noxitsnox]

baby, baby, baby 𓂃🧸۶ৎ ˚ʚɞ˚ l.h.

exboyf idol!heeseung x youngmom!reader

length: 12.1k

contains: angst, hurt/comfort, abandonment issues, second chances, gaining back trust, ot7 hangouts, lots of teasing (of reader and heeseung), flirting, slow burn, co-parenting, mild explicit language, therapist jungwon, happy ending

warnings: none really... mentions of young single mom and absent father

synopsis: you never planned on seeing Heeseung again, let alone with another man's child on your hip. but when a run-in at the grocery store turns into an evening at your messy, toy-strewn apartment, you're forced to face everything you left unsaid. you're not the same girl he left behind all those years ago, and he's not the same guy that did the leaving. so where does that leave you now?

the question: how much are you willing to bet on second chances? the answer: everything.

⤷ chuu's 💌 ── .✦ finally posting this monster oh my god. this was meant to be a <1k word oneshot, but turned into a full-on fic. excuse me and my indulgences, i just have daddy issues and am in love with lee heeseung. 

⤷ 💌 i edited this a ton and added like 1000 words cuz i needed more hehe so enjoy!

——

You cursed under your breath as your shopping bags began to slip through your fingers. From your hip, Hana fussed unhappily, tiny hands clawing at your face as you struggled to adjust your grip on her.

“S’cuse me,” A woman said, giving you an annoyed glance as she stepped around you. The others behind you made sounds of frustration as you struggled to wrangle your babbling child and groceries out of the store’s entrance.

“Would you mind getting out of the way?” A man asked impatiently as one of your bags slipped.

“I’m sorry,” You said, face burning with embarrassment.

Hana began to cry, her tiny body impossibly strong as she twisted in your arms, trying to escape your grasp.

“Jesus Christ,” He muttered, pushing past you.

You bit your lip, hair falling in your face to hide the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Everything was so hard. Ever since your ex had moved out, you’d had no one to help you.

No one to stay up with Hana when she was fussy, no one to entertain her so you could sneak a quick shower in, no one to get groceries while you washed, and fed, and tended to her.

Your parents were a state away, your friends busy with work or travel—none with kids of their own. No one who understood what you were going through. Standing in the doorway of the grocery store, you felt, for the first time since Hana's father left, the true gravity of how alone you both were.

Another exasperated sigh came from behind you as Hana began to cry in earnest, her shrill voice piercing the air of the store.

“Should’ve left her at home with dad,” An older woman said, tsking as she stepped around you. “New moms these days, thinking they can do it all on their own. That kind of attitude kills marriages, you know."

You opened your mouth to defend yourself—to tell her that you couldn't kill a marriage that didn't exist, to even just curse back at her—when the paper bag you’d managed to hold onto split open, the contents spilling out onto the floor.

“For fuck’s sake,” A man said, shoving past you. His shoulder caught yours, knocking you off balance.

Hana’s weight threw you off-kilter, and you stumbled to the ground, holding her tiny wriggling body to your chest.

You wanted to cry.

Beside you, someone stooped to the ground, hastily grabbing the groceries that had fallen out of your bag. You looked up, the apology already forming on your mouth. As your eyes landed on them, the words died in your mouth. 

Heeseung.

Your heart skipped. 

He didn’t say anything as he gathered the rest of your things, giving you a hand up. His eyes were glued to the squirming toddler in your arms. 

With your groceries collected, you were able to step to the side, Heeseung’s hand still on your arm. The customers who’d gathered behind you filed past, one man glaring at you as he did. 

“Finally,” He muttered. 

Heeseung’s head snapped in his direction. “Fuck off,” He shot back. Then, looking from Hana to you, he chuckled nervously. “Sorry.”

You were speechless.

How long had it been since you’d seen him? Three years? Three years since he boarded the jet that had carried him out of your life forever. 

You remembered it like it was yesterday—ENHYPEN was going on tour, he wasn't sure when he'd be back, or when he'd have time for you again. The group had just started to take off. This was the big break, he’d said. The one that would start the rest of his life.

Going with him was out of the question. Long distance was brutal. Fans were possessive of their favorite members, and a girlfriend was a risk that management couldn't afford. It took all but a few hours for him to be cut from your life. Gone. Erased. Entirely. 

And now, here he was. Lee Heeseung, the great heartbreak of your life, standing in the middle of your friendly neighborhood grocery store, eyes darting back and forth between you and the one-year-old clinging to your hip. 

Hana made a noise, reaching a hand out at him curiously. He glanced at her, his expression softening. He smiled as he leaned forward, cooing gently while she fiddled with the earring that dangled from his ear.

Your chest tightened.

“Here,” He said, taking the bags from your hands. “Where did you park?”

——

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” Heeseung said quietly as he put the last of your things into your car.

He looked just as you remembered him—tall, handsome, soft-faced, and even softer-voiced. He carried a bag of his own, full of items that sent you back to your school days with him—glossy packages of instant ramen, cling-wrapped kimbap, and those energy drinks he always liked.

You tore your eyes from them, trying to shake the memories of late nights in his dorm from your mind.

“No,” You said, meeting his eyes. God, his eyes. Just as deep and intense as you remembered them. “I should be thanking you. Back there,” You gestured awkwardly, “I was… It’s been a long day.”

His eyes darted to Hana again. You could practically see the question forming on his lips, but he was still the Heeseung you knew, far too polite to outright ask.

“Hana,” You said, smiling at the pink-faced toddler in your backseat. "She's one," You added quickly, watching for his reaction.

He nodded, his expression conflicted, like he was working through his thoughts. “I didn’t know…” He said slowly, looking back at you.

“I know. I… didn’t want you to,” You admitted. “You had a lot going on."

His face dropped. “Y/n, I want you to know, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know,” You said simply, looking down. “You had a life to live. Dreams to chase.” You smiled at him, genuine, although something deep in your heart had begun to ache, starting the moment you’d locked eyes with him. “I was always proud of you for going."

“I shouldn’t have left like that. I know you wanted me to go, and I’m glad I did, but I…” His fingers toyed with the strings of his bag nervously. “…I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.”

You shook your head, pushing the memories away. “Don’t worry about it. Water under the bridge.”

From the car, Hana began to cry again. It was well past her dinnertime, which meant she’d be inconsolable until you got her home and into her high chair, which was… still broken.

You bit back a curse, remembering that you’d needed to run to the store to replace it today. A week of trying to feed her without it had proven nearly impossible. Especially now that you were alone.

You turned back to Heeseung, trying not to feel disappointed that reality was sweeping you two apart again. What was that phrase? Right person, wrong time? Well, this was two for two.

“Anyways," You said. "Thank you. Seriously. I was losing it in there.”

“You headed home now?” He asked, looking between you, as if trying to keep the conversation going. Hanna was bawling, fists clenched angrily.

You nodded, pulling a snack pack from your bag and tearing it open, hoping it’d be enough to satiate her until you got home. If you could get her fed, maybe you’d have time to take care of all the other things that were piled on your to-do list.

There were dishes waiting for you, and sticky counters, and laundry. So much laundry. The light in your room had gone out and needed replacing, but you barely had enough time to sleep there, let alone perform a maintenance job on it.

You sighed out a tired laugh, rubbing your face with your hand. “Um, yeah. She needs to be fed and put to sleep, and there’s some housework stuff. You know, never a boring day,” You joked half-heartedly.

Heeseung hummed. Then, hesitantly, asked, "Where’s her dad?”

The question knocked the wind out of you.

He gazed at you curiously, a hint of concern in his eyes. It made your stomach twist uncomfortably. This was the one thing you didn’t want coming up.

The baby? Sure. Your embarrassing moment in the store? Fine. Even the state of your hair and clothes, covered in stains and baby powder and spit-up, whatever.

But the fact that you were alone, that the person you’d chosen to father your child was nowhere to be found, that stung in the back of your throat. Nothing had changed. You were still the one being left behind. 

Heeseung read the look on your face. “Oh,” He said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay.” You cut him off, not sure if you could take the awkwardness of this conversation any longer. “But, yeah, I should go. I have… a lot to do at home. Everything’s on her schedule these days.”

“Can I help?”

You felt your breath catch for a second time. “What?” You laughed nervously.

Heeseung nodded at your groceries and at the squawking baby in the back seat. “Can I help you? We’re on break. Been doing pretty much nothing but sitting around the house, gaming all day. I’ll come over.”

“Heeseung…” You started, images of your messy baby-proofed home springing to mind. As if he needed to see any more of the disheveled single mom life. “You don’t have to do that, really, you’ve helped enough—”

“Y/n, we've known each other for a long time. I can tell you’re up to your neck right now. I want to help,” He said earnestly. “Will you let me?”

You held your breath, searching his face for some clue as to what this meant for you two. Ten minutes ago, you had no idea he was even back home. And now... he was asking for a step back into your life.

The inside of your cheek stung as you chewed on it. Finally, you sighed. "What the hell. Fine. Here, let me write down my address for you."

There, at the corners of his eyes, you caught it. That glimpse of joy in his expression, of hope. It confused the fuck out of you, but you just waved to him, climbing into your car and wondering what this meant for you.

——

It was practically impossible to walk across your house without tripping over one of the toys that littered the ground. There were dishes all over the kitchen counters, soup stains on the wall behind Hana’s highchair where she'd thrown her spoon, dirty laundry spilling out of your closet and across the floor.

Heeseung didn't seem to care at all.

In fact, the only thing he seemed to care about was your daughter. Her small fists, the rosy color of her cheeks, the bubbling sound of her laughter. You'd known Heeseung liked kids—you'd talked about having them once—but what you didn't know was how much they loved him.

He and Hana hit it off immediately, faster than you'd ever seen her take to anyone before.

Without a high chair, you’d been struggling to find the best way to keep her stationary long enough to feed her. Heeseung, however, only propped her on his leg, one hand around her stomach, the other holding her plastic pink Hello Kitty spoon.

It was like magic.

No crying, no spitting. No throwing or hitting. You watched in wonder as she sat there, hands resting on his forearm. The perfect little angel you always bragged about back in full swing.

Her preoccupation with him gave you a chance to not only make her dinner, but get her pajamas out and set up her bath for later. It was the most you'd managed to get done in a single hour in weeks.

Having Heeseung there wasn’t just helpful, it was... overwhelming. His presence filled your senses—the smell of his cologne intermingled with Hana's baby lotion, the feeling of him moving around the kitchen behind you, his voice mixing with her giggling nonsense in the living room.

It was intoxicating. It was dangerous. Because part of you wished—had always wished—desperately and against all reason, that this was what your everyday looked like.

You tried to dissuade that wish as you bent over the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water and dirty dishes. Heeseung came in from the dining room, holding Hana's little bowl and matching spoon in one hand, her bib in the other.

"All done," He said, placing them on the counter. "Finished the whole thing." He sounded proud. It made your chest tighten.

"That girl sure can eat," You said lightly, grabbing the dishes and submerging them under water.

"Mmm, just like her mom, then," He joked.

Being there with him, joking with him, it stirred something in you. Something you'd spent a long time trying to forget. Your throat closed as he came up behind you, dry hand sliding over your soapy one.

"What—" You started, but he was already pulling the bowl from your hands, nudging you out of the way.

"I got this. Go finish up with her."

You pressed your lips into a thin line, ignoring the fluttering sensation that crawled up your throat. He was helping, just like he said he would. It was meaningless.

Still, the feeling of his palm on the back of your hand had your heart stuttering.

In the solitude of the bathroom, you rested your chin on your hand, watching as Hana dunked her plastic horse under the soapy bathwater. She held it up to you, babbling through the bubbles on your face.

You sighed. "What d'you think? Should we let him stick around?"

She slammed her horse back into the water with a squeal, sending water over the edge of the tub.

“Yeah,” You muttered, half to yourself. “That’s what I thought.”

You looked over at yourself in the mirror, leaned against the edge of the bathtub, your clothes and hair damp from your daughter’s splashing. So different from the girl that Heeseung had left behind all those years ago. The one he once swore he’d come back for.

You felt childish for even remembering that. Everything was different now. He could have anything he wanted. The girls around him were exactly what you weren’t, what you’d stopped being the moment you found out you were pregnant. They might have been your age, but they weren't saddled with motherhood.

You, on the other hand, would never be able to escape it again.

All anyone seemed to talk about with you was the baby. How old she was now, if she’d started talking yet, how well-behaved she was.

Even running into Heeseung, the first thing he looked at was her. It was like watching yourself fade from existence, all trace of what once made you you vanishing into nothingness. 

You weren’t fun. You weren’t spontaneous. Not anymore. Motherhood had drained you of all that youthful vitality Heeseung had once loved so much about you. You felt bland. Boring. Nothing to call your own except for your daughter, who seemed to be the most interesting part of your life nowadays. 

Looking at Hana now, you knew there was no way that Heeseung was going to make a permanent return to your life, not when there was a child involved.

And yet.

And yet, Heeseung was still around when you were done with Hana’s bath. 

He’d finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. He’d put the rest of your groceries away and tossed all of Hana’s toys back in their bin. He even took the trash out, and was offering to fix the light in your room when you stopped him.

“Are you gonna make me kick you out?” You said, hands on your hips.

The corners of his mouth quirked, his brow lifting. “You really are someone’s mom, huh?”

“Heeseung.”

“Come on,” He laughed, “I’m already here, I might as well fix it. You really want me to go?”

No, of course you didn’t. Of course, you wanted him to stay and help you with your light, and fix your leaky shower head, and make your daughter laugh herself all the way to sleep.

Of course, you wanted him to find a million other things to help you with, and to let you keep imagining what life would be like if he were to be there. To really, truly be there.

What, were you supposed to say no to all that?

By the time the sun finally dipped below the horizon, Hana was dozing off in Heeseung’s arms, her cheek flat against his shoulder.

You watched from the kitchen doorway, unable to tear your eyes away from the sight of them. He swayed slightly, bouncing up and down with a hand to her back.

No one held her like that. Not even her dad. He’d wanted almost nothing to do with her. The diapers, the crying, the mess. He’d decided enough was enough before she was even born. But Heeseung…

“She’s incredible,” He said, glancing back at you. His face was soft, shoulders relaxed. It looked almost like she was as comforting to him as he was to her, with her hand wrapped around the fabric of his shirt.

Your throat was tight. “She is. Takes after me, you know,” You joked, trying to ease the effect that this scene was having on you. Your face was warm.

He chuckled, pursing his lips as she stirred gently. After a moment, he said, “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

You leaned against the doorframe. “It wasn’t something I wanted you to hear from someone else.”

“Yeah,” He said. “Still.”

Still.

He finally looked up at you, and you saw it—how much he was holding back. How hard this was hitting him, all at once. Sure, it had been a long time, but the emotions on his face were like a second language to you. You could read them in your sleep.

“I’m not asking for anything,” You said quickly, maybe too quickly. “I’m not—bringing you here because I want something from you.”

“I know,” He said. But he kept holding Hana anyway, and when you laid her down in her room for the night, he was still in the living room, waiting for you.

“You do all this on your own?” He asked, keeping his voice low.

“Every day.”

“You’re amazing,” He whispered.

“Thanks,” You laughed.

He followed you into the kitchen. “I always knew you’d be a good mom.”

The comment sent a jolt of electricity through you.

“What?”

“Yeah, didn’t I ever tell you that?”

You stared at him. “No.”

“I’m sure I did.”

“I think I’d remember if you did. So, no.”

He flashed that smile, the one that used to make you weak in the knees. Still made you weak in the knees. “Then I was an idiot.”

You scoffed, eyeing him skeptically. “Whatever. My house is a mess, and I have literally no social life. Look at me, I’m covered in baby food, and I’m not even the one who fed the baby.”

“Yeah, well,” He shrugged, that stupid smile on his face. “You make anything look good.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re making fun of me.”

He gasped. “What? No, I’m just a very supportive friend who happens to know that you manage to make everything look sexy, even being covered in baby food.”

Friend.

“Heeseung.” You used to be the love of my life. 

“What!” He grinned. “You’re the one who keeps blushing.”

“I am not blushing.”

He shook his head as he laughed, the sound light and pure. “I missed you. God, I missed you a lot.”

You tensed.

“That first year of tour was hell,” He reminisced, leaning back against your counter. “We hardly slept, or ate, or got any moments to ourselves. It was just go, go, go. All day, every day.” He glanced at you. “But being away from you was by far the worst part.”

“Whatever,” You said quietly. There was a lump in the back of your throat.

He hovered as you finished putting the dry dishes away in your cupboard. “It was hard without you there. You know, you’re the reason I debuted in the first place. Because you believed in me.”

Did you ever believe in me? You wanted to ask. Lingering resentment was seeping from the back of your mind, coloring those happy memories a shade darker. How was it so easy for you to leave me?

“It was hard looking out for everyone without you there,” He chuckled. “You always made that part easier. That’s how I know.” 

“Know what?” You said, eyes on the plates in your hands. 

“That you’d make a good mom. You were already halfway there with me.”

You froze. “Heeseung,” You said slowly, “Don’t.”

“What? I’m just saying—”

“No, you’re not. You’re flirting.”

He gave you a lopsided smile. “Is that illegal now?”

You stared at him. “We can’t do this.”

His smile faltered, just slightly. Enough that you knew he’d heard the part you didn’t say aloud: Not again. I can’t do this again.

“I’m not trying to mess anything up,” He said quietly.

“But you do, Heeseung. You walk in, and you smile, and she adores you, and then what? You go back to your life, and we’re left here pretending this never happened? I’ve been there, done that, okay? And I can’t— I won’t let it happen again.”

He opened his mouth, but no answer came.

“Look, I get it. You were gone for a long time. Being back home carries a lot of weight, I’m sure. But you can’t…” You looked at him, chest aching. “You can’t just come in here and make me feel like nothing’s changed when it has. I mean, look around. I have a kid now. I can’t— I’m not like you. Not anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, a look of hurt flashing behind his eyes.  

You ran your hand over your hair anxiously. It was late, you were exhausted, and you were letting your emotions get the better of you. You knew you should stop talking and just send him home, but you couldn’t.

“You have your whole life ahead of you,” You said. “You get to pack up and travel the world, do whatever you want, meet whoever you want. I don’t. That ended for me the second I had her.”

“Y/n,” He frowned, but you cut him off.

“I thought…” Tears pricked behind your eyes. “I thought that maybe things would just be a little different. That I’d still get to—” You caught your breath, the weight of everything you’d gone through rising suddenly, knocking the breath from your lungs. “And then it ended all over again. When her dad left.” 

You saw the way his face hardened, a look you hadn’t seen in years. Hurt. Angry. Protective. 

“I’m alone, Heeseung,” You whispered. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s not! You have me—”

“Then where were you!?”

His face fell. You didn’t want him to see you cry, but you were dangerously close. Being near him, seeing that god forsaken look in his eyes, like he was angry with himself, it killed you. 

“I didn’t know,” He said quietly. “If I had—”

“You would have, what? Cancelled your tour? Come racing home to help your ex with some other guy’s baby? That’s not true and you know it.” 

“I would have found a way to be there for you.”

“Really? You could have called. Once, even. You could have checked up on me, but you didn’t. You packed your things and you left. That’s all anyone ever does, is pack up and disappear.”

“Don’t, y/n. It’s not the same thing. I never would have left you with our kid like that,” He said seriously.

Our kid. The words seemed to burrow into your chest, curling up around the part of you that was still so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. 

“No,” You said bitterly, wiping your eyes roughly with your sleeve. “You just left me. Not as big a deal, right?”

He flinched, those big, sad eyes of his wincing painfully.

You knew it wasn’t fair. You knew you were being cruel now, prodding a wound that was clearly still open in both of you, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted, just once, for someone to tell you that you were worth fighting for, that the way he and Hana’s dad had both abandoned you wasn’t your fault. That you weren’t defective. Disposable. 

Heeseung held your gaze, brows creased. “I deserved that,” He finally said.

You looked away, jaw clenched. 

He took a step toward you, slow, like he was scared you might push him away. “You’re right, I did. I left. I let you believe that I didn’t care about you. I thought… walking away would make things easier. That it would hurt less, instead of dragging it out, making you wait for me. You had a life of your own waiting. I couldn’t do that to you,” He reasoned. “And look at you! You brought a kid into the world, y/n. You never needed me, or anyone else. You’re strong.”

“I’m not,” You argued. 

“You are,” He said firmly. 

You shook your head, arms tightening around yourself. “I’m not strong. I’m surviving. That’s not the same thing.”

Heeseung didn’t argue this time. He gave you an apologetic look, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t mean to come here and upset you. I wanted… I really did want to help, y/n.”

“You have,” You said, not meeting his eyes. It was hard to speak without your voice shaking, and you didn’t want him to see you cry. 

His voice softened, gaze dropping to the floor. “I know I can’t change the past. And you don’t trust me. But we’re back home until the next album’s finished.”

Your chest tightened. So, he was sticking around. Great, you thought to yourself. Just what you needed on top of everything else you had going on. 

“If you need me, you can call me. You know that, right?”

You said nothing. Heeseung got his things and left, mumbling apologies as the door closed behind him. You had to catch your breath against the doorframe as the sound of his car faded down the street. 

Here you were again. Watching the door swing closed behind him, wishing you were brave enough to ask him to stay. 

That night, you went into Hana's room and curled up in the chair beside her crib. Looking at her—the soft fat of her cheeks, the way her tiny chest rose and fell so steadily without a care in the world—was the only thing that kept you from breaking down completely. 

You watched her silently, the occasional rogue tear slipping down your cheek. Three years worth of emotions had bubbled up to the surface, crashing over you like a tidal wave of memories and regret. The house was empty again. You were alone. 

For the first time, you confronted the hard truth you’d been trying to ignore: no one was coming to save you. You were on your own.

——

Heeseung must have looked upset, because the moment he got back to the dorm, the others were on him.

“Where were you?” Sunoo asked, looking up from his game.

Beside him, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon were sprawled on the couch. Jake watched from the floor, stretched out on his stomach. Niki was curled up in the chair, half asleep. 

“Nowhere,” Heeseung mumbled, kicking his shoes off. 

“You look like shit,” Jay said bluntly.

“Thanks.” 

“I thought you were just stopping at the store?” Jake turned to look at Heeseung over his shoulder. “Geez, you really do look terrible.”

Jungwon looked at him curiously. “Are you okay?”

Heeseung’s mind was still spinning. He could barely form a coherent thought, let alone answer their questions. He brushed them off, wanting nothing more than to disappear into his room in solitude. 

But these were his group members, his best friends, and they always knew when something was wrong. They switched the game off and trailed after Heeseung as he made his way to his room, shoving his door open. It bounced against the wall loudly. 

Heeseung winced, dropping onto his mattress. His body felt worn, his mind foggy, like he’d spent all day on stage instead of laughing with you in your kitchen. He still couldn’t believe he’d spent the day with you. In fact, he could hardly believe anything about what had happened. 

There were no words to describe what Heeseung had felt, seeing you again for the first time. It was like every one of his senses dialed in on your figure crouched in the door, your hair falling over your shoulders. His throat had closed, his fingers curling into his palms by his side. 

His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest completely. 

And then, there was Hana. 

He hoped he didn’t look as surprised as he’d felt, but he knew the chances were small. You’d always been able to read his emotions. You’d been the one to ask him out, after all—sick and tired of how painfully obvious his feelings for you were. No one else had ever came close to understanding him the way you did, not even the guys.

You probably saw right through his easy attitude, straight to the heart of his reaction: seeing you with Hana had scared him shitless. 

He pressed a hand to his face. I’m never offering to go to the store for the others ever again, he thought hopelessly.

Jungwon appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame. The others poked their heads out from behind, waiting for him to say something first. Jungwon might have been younger, but he was their leader, through and through. 

He always knew what each member needed in moments like these. For Heeseung, it was space. And time. Jungwon just stood there for a while, not saying anything. 

Heeseung’s voice was rough when he finally spoke. “I saw y/n.”

More silence. 

He hadn't talked about you in a long time, mostly because it brought his mood down every time someone so much as mentioned your name. Years later and he was still upset about the way you'd left things. 

And now he knew that you were, too.

“I ran into her at the store,” He continued. “Her bag had ripped so her stuff was everywhere, and people were getting pissed.” Fucking assholes. “I couldn’t just— turn the other way, pretend I didn’t know her.”

No one argued with that, but Heeseung still felt the back of his neck go red. 

"So I went up to her. I helped her grab her things. She..." He trailed off. "We went back to her's after." 

Jake shoulders dropped, looking relieved. "So, what's with the long face? Haven't you been dreaming about this since, like, we left?" 

“Yeah, I’m surprised you’re back here,” Jay smirked. “She didn’t want you to stay the night?”

"She has a kid." 

That shut them up. 

She has a kid. The words sounded foreign in Heeseung's ears. He still hadn't fully wrapped his head around it. The girl he’d been hung up on for years was a mom.

Jungwon’s eyebrows shot up. “Like.. has has?”

Heeseung nodded. “A little girl. Her name’s Hana.” 

“So that means she’s…”

“Single,” Heeseung said incredulously, falling backwards onto his mattress. The entire situation was mind boggling. “Hana’s dad isn’t around. Not sure why. All I know is that it was sudden. He just packed up one day and… left.” 

Just like I did, He thought bitterly. God, he’d made a number of mistakes throughout his life, but that had to be the worst of them all. 

“Damn,” Jungwon said under his breath. “That’s a lot.”

Sunghoon shifted his weight anxiously. “How did she seem?” 

Heeseung swallowed. “Tired. She looked so tired. And sad. I could see it in her eyes, even though she was trying not to show it.”

“She didn’t ask for anything?” Jake asked.

“No. She doesn’t want anything from me. She made that pretty clear.” Heeseung dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what to do. I thought I’d moved on, or at least that I was done holding onto her. But seeing her like that…” His voice cracked, and he looked away. “It’s like everything I’ve been trying to forget just—came back all at once.”

Jungwon finally stepped into the room, going to sit beside Heeseung. The others trailed in after him. It was crowded with all of them there, but Heeseung was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that they were with him. That he didn’t have to spend the night alone with his thoughts.

Like you were now. He thought of you alone in that house, working through the motions of your reunion by yourself. It made his chest ache.  

“Shouldn’t have left her,” He mumbled, mostly to himself. 

“Are you going to see her again?” 

“I don’t know,” He mumbled. “We argued. I think she doesn’t want to believe I could ever be there for her. That I’m just going to leave again.” His throat tightened. “I can’t blame her for feeling that way.”

“Are you?”

“I— no, I don’t want to. But she’s afraid to trust me. And I’m scared, too! What if she’s right? She’s always right. I don’t wanna cause her more trouble…” 

Now that he was talking, he couldn’t stop. The others listened intently, nodding along, humming sounds of understanding. 

“I’m scared that the more I try to get closer to her, the further I’m going to push her away. She has enough shit going on in her life right now. I don’t want to add to that. But I can’t just let her be. Not when I know she’s too proud to ask anyone else for help.” 

“No, not y/n.” Sunoo hid a laugh behind his hand. “That girl would rather die than rely on anyone else. She’s always preferred to figure it out on her own.”

“I know. I don’t want to fuck up her life anymore than I already have.” 

“Hey, at least you’re not the asshole who knocked her up,” Jay said lightly.

Heeseung bit his lip, suddenly worried he was going insane.

Worried because the smallest part of him almost wished that he was. He would have never left you alone. And… Well, he’d always liked the idea of you with his kids. He meant what he said earlier—if anyone was going to make a good parent, it was you. 

A baby would have killed his career for sure, but… he almost preferred that to the idea of you struggling through parenthood alone. 

“So what are you going to do?” Jungwon asked. 

“I don’t know,” Heeseung sighed, sitting up. “What if I try to be there for her, and I make things worse? What if she’s right not to trust me? I don’t want to—” He ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “I can’t hurt her again. I’d rather never see her again than have that happen.” 

Jungwon pursed his lips, thinking. “It is true that you’ll have to leave again when the next album is finished.”

The others nodded, murmuring in agreement.

“Tour life isn’t exactly fit for a kid.”

“There’s always the chance that people find out about you two.”

“You’d have to be apart for a long time.”

Jungwon nodded. “But… do you love her?”

Heeseung’s face went red. “What?”

“Quit acting embarrassed. We had to listen to you go on about her for a year straight after we left. I think you can tell us if you’re still in love with her.”

He pursed his lips and frowned, mulling the question over. Was he still in love with you? 

Who was he kidding, of course he was. How else could he explain the way the world seemed to blur when he caught sight of you in the store? How his body was moving to help you before he even had time to think about it?

Heeseung was in love with you. As in love with you as he was the day he left. Why else had he spent all day at your house doing chores, enjoying every minute? The way you moved around each other, the sound of Hana’s voice responding to yours, the way he could see pieces of you in her. God, he’d only known that girl for a day but he was already feeling protective of her.

Of both of you. 

He sighed. “Yes… I do. I am.” He pressed his thumb into his palm, where he’d brushed the back of your hand. “I really missed her,” He mumbled. “But I’m scared to mess everything up. Again.”

 “You’re not gonna do that,” Sunghoon said, leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah, come on. I’ve never seen you make the same mistake twice.”

“Thanks,” He muttered, still unable to shake his fears. 

“If you really love her, you’ll find a way to make it work,” Jungwon assured him. 

Hearing that brought a small amount of relief to Heeseung’s anxiety, but he still wasn’t convinced. “What if she doesn’t want to see me?” He asked quietly.

Sunoo rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic. If she doesn’t want to see you, she’ll tell you. Did she?”

“No… not explicitly…” 

“Then you still have a chance. Don’t screw it up.” 

Heeseung chuckled lightly, feeling slightly better. “I’ll try not to.”

“Screw your feelings, we miss having her around,” Sunghoon joked. 

“Yeah, I wanna meet this kid,” Jake said eagerly. “If she’s anything like y/n, she’ll fit in just fine with us.”

Niki hummed in agreement. “Yeah, we never agreed to your break up.” 

“Mm. Very inconsiderate of you,” Jay said. 

Heeseung laughed, for real this time. He felt his chest untighten for the first time in hours, his shoulders dropping, his jaw unclenching. God, he was grateful for his friends. They were right. 

Heeseung had been losing his mind over what he should do when there was really only one option in front of him: to prove to you how serious he was about you. Whether or not you were able to fix things between you two, that didn’t matter to him. 

All he cared about was showing you that you could trust him. That you weren’t alone in this, no matter how long you’d spent believing otherwise. 

Seeing you today confirmed what he’d known the second he’d left all those years ago: you were the only one for him. And meeting Hana—feeling the warmth of her against his chest, smelling your perfume on her skin, noticing the way her lips curved up in the same shape that yours did—it was the final nail in the coffin. 

His life would never be complete without you in it, one-year-old and all.

——

Heeseung’s reappearance in your life didn’t happen immediately.

In fact, it was a few weeks before you heard from him again. Lost in the throes of trying to find a babysitter so that you could pick up an extra shift at work, his text was left buried in calls from your landlord and notices about upcoming bills.

Heeseung Are u busy this weekend? I have some overexcited friends who are anxious to meet that baby of yours.

It sat unanswered for a day. 

You didn’t know it, but every single one of the 24 hours that passed before you got back to Heeseung was like knives in his skin. The day dragged by, long and torturous, as he sank deeper and deeper into the belief that maybe he’d been wrong, and you didn’t want to hear from him after all. 

He was relieved when his phone buzzed on his desk, your name popping up on his screen for the first time in three years. 

Y/N Oh god.

Y/N Are u really gonna bring them over here??

Heeseung Not if you’re not okay with it.

Y/N It’s not that I’m not okay with it. it’s just… weird

Y/N Never thought I’d be introducing your group members to my kid.

Heeseung Definitely weird.

Heeseung Always figured they’d meet ours first but this works too.

Y/N Heeseung.

Heeseung What? Just saying.

Y/N 🙄

Heeseung I’ll be good. I promise. Saturday?

He chewed the edge of his nail as he watched his screen, heart racing at the base of his throat. Your text came in and he couldn’t help the smile that took over his face. 

Y/N Yeah right.

Y/N See you then.

You had precious little time to clean up before they got there. When you heard Heeseung’s knock at the door, you were part-way through clearing Hana’s things out of the living room. 

Sweaty, hair a mess, sticky toddler on your hip, you pulled the door open to a group of faces you hadn’t seen in years. 

The guys stood there for a second, taking you in. Sunoo was the first to break the silence, his face widening into a grin. “Wow,” he said, “Motherhood really does suit you.”

You rolled your eyes, your face warming as you shifted Hana on your hip. “Shut up, Sunoo.” 

Hana peeked out at them, fists clutching your shirt nervously. 

Jake’s eyes went wide as he crouched down, level with her. “Hi,” He said, his voice going soft. “You’re so cute, oh my god. Mind if we come in?”

Hana smiled shyly, burying her face in your shoulder.

“Sorry about the mess,” You said, stepping aside to let them in. “Can never seem to keep anything clean these days.”

“You should’ve called us,” Sunoo pouted. “We could’ve helped.”

“No way. You guys are busy enough as it is.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jay said. “You should see how these guys live”

“Oh, shut up, Jay. Your room is disgusting. I don’t know how you live in that filth.”

“My room is disgusting!? Should we talk about how you keep the living room—”

“Get out of the way!” Jungwon complained, pushing past them. 

Heeseung was the last to come in, messy-haired and bare-faced. He looked nervous, but his shoulders dropped when he caught sight of you.

He paused in the doorway. “You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah,” You said. “It’s fine. Just… don’t expect her to start doing tricks or anything.”

“Are you sure?” Sunghoon asked, peeking at Hana. “I heard kids can dance these days.”

“Please,” You scoffed. “She can barely get a spoon from her plate to her mouth.”

They laughed as they filed in, avoiding the toys that were scattered around the floor. For a moment, no one wanted to sit down. They crowded around you, pulling funny faces to make Hana laugh, reaching out to pinch her face. 

Heeseung hovered beside you, eyes flicking to yours. It felt good to have him close. You’d never had this many people in your house before, not since having Hana. His presence was steadying. Reassuring. 

You found yourself wanting to stick close to him as well. 

They followed you into the living room, pointing at the photos and finger-painting scribbles hung up on the walls. You noticed Heeseung from the corner of your eye, bending down to grab things from the floor as he went, tossing them into Hana’s toy chest the same way he had when he first came over. 

It was instinctual, that desire to help you, to take some of the load off your shoulders. Always had been. 

“How are you, y/n?” Jungwon asked, “Besides the cute baby and messy living room.”

“Um,” You sighed, “I’m… managing. Getting used to doing all this on my own. It’s hard but rewarding, too.” You smiled at Hana, pressing your lips to her head and breathing in the soft, sweet baby smell of her hair. “She makes it worth it.”

Your voice was easy, your face relaxed, but Heeseung could see the fatigue in your body. Your shoulders drooped, Hana’s weight sagging in your arms. 

Getting used to doing all this on my own. You’d never know how sad it made him to hear you say that. 

“I can’t imagine how tired you are,” Jake said, watching as Hana curled a hand around his finger.

You laughed lightly. “I definitely don’t sleep the way I used to. Or, at all, really,” You admitted. “You don’t even want to know how long it’s been since I’ve showered.” 

“I can see that,” Sunoo teased, gesturing at the myriad of stains across your shirt. “I like the baby food. It’s a good look on you.”

“Glad to know it’s working on you, jerk,” You said playfully. God, you missed having these guys around.  

“Do you want me to take her?” Heeseung asked. The question caught you by surprise. He seemed so easy about it, like it was something he did every day. “You can take a quick shower… if you want.”

“What? No way. You guys are friends, not my babysitters.”

“Not yet,” Niki said, leaning down to coo at Hana’s face. 

“Seriously, we don’t mind,” Heeseung insisted.  

You bit your lip sheepishly. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. We’re professionals.” Sunghoon said seriously. 

“I mean, we are terrible at music,” Jake added, “But picture books and stuffed animals? I think we got it.”

“Go,” Heeseung insisted softly. “We’re here. Let us help.”

You hesitated. It was such a small thing—showering, putting on a fresh t-shirt—but it felt huge. Like accepting their help would mean finally admitting just how worn out you were. 

There was also your protectiveness over Hana, too. You’d never left her with anyone but your parents before. It was why finding a babysitter had become such an ordeal—trusting anyone with your child took an incredible leap of faith.

But then you saw the look in Heeseung’s eyes. The hopeful, almost desperate need to do something for you. He held your gaze, steady, solid. 

As if in answer, Hana reached out for him, squirming away from your grasp. She’d always been good with faces, and he was wearing the same jacket he’d worn the first time he came over. She stretched towards the familiarity of his arms and you surrendered, allowing her to climb into them.

“She likes you,” Jungwon said, a big grin on his face. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung said, unable to hide the pride in his voice. “I like her, too.”

Seeing her in his arms again brought back the same feeling from before. The one that made you want to see Heeseung with your daughter all the time. 

They just looked so… at home together. Like Hana had known him since the start. You hated to admit it, but you were starting to wish that she had.

“All her toys are in there, and there’s snacks in the fridge if she gets fussy. If she gets really upset I’ve got a pacifier in her room—”

Heeseung nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up at your rambling. “She’ll be great.”

You sighed. “Okay, but if she starts crying—”

“We’ve got it,” Jay reassured you.

Sunoo shot you a wink. “Go on, mama. We’ll look after her.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding and slipped down the hall, feeling, for the first time in a long while, that you had people in your corner. It was a good feeling.

——

“She sorta looks like you, Heeseung.”

“Oh, stop teasing him. He’s not gonna let us come back with him next time.”

“You’re so full of it. They don’t look anything alike.”

“She’s got a real Shin Min-a look to her. Old school.”

“She looks like her mom,” Heeseung said, only half-listening to what his idiot friends were debating about. 

His attention was mainly on the tiny human balanced on his thighs, her hands tangling in his hair. She was a stout little thing, skin slipping under the slippery fabric of her shirt as he kept a firm grip on her. 

A Laker’s jersey. Your guys’ favorite team. 

He took a deep breath, trying to steady the emotions rising in him. Just being there—with Hana, with you—it was enough to make him crazy. He tried not to feel dizzy as Hana’s hands moved to his face.

“She missed you,” Jungwon said quietly, fidgeting with a plastic airplane in his lap. 

For a second, Heeseung thought he was talking about Hana, but no. He was talking about you.

Heeseung glanced at him. “You think so?”

“You should’ve seen the way she was looking at you when she opened the door.” 

Jay snickered at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah, she was totally checking you out, man.”

Heeseung rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“It’s true,” Niki chimed in, tossing a stuffed rabbit at Sunghoon. “Don’t act like you didn’t notice.”

Heeseung just shook his head. “She’s just… It’s been a long time.”

Jay shook his head. “Nah, man. You’re still important to her.”

“It’s obvious,” Sunoo agreed. “If Jay noticed it, it’s real.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Well, you’re not the most observant of people, are you?” He said, side-eyeing him.

“That’s rich coming from you.”

Heeseung chuckled, shaking his head. He hoped they were right.

——

The guys started coming around more often after that. They always insisted that they were restless at the dorm and liked having somewhere else to hang out, but you knew it was more than that. 

It became something of a tradition to have a big meal at yours at the end of the week, and as time passed, it became easier to rely on them. It felt good to have a kitchen full of noise, a table that wasn’t empty, a house that shook with laughter and music.

They’d bring bags of groceries over and cook these huge, chaotic dinners to share in your dining room. The kitchen was left a mess but they always cleaned up. 

Weeks went by and Heeseung stayed behind more and more often, tidying up the rest of the house with you, even helping to put Hana to bed. 

Despite your reservations, you liked having him there. You liked the way he’d come through your door unannounced, toting drinks for you and a snack for Hana in his bag. You liked the way he’d get up from the couch when he heard her fussing, and how the others teased him about it in front of you.

“Is that your baby now or what?” Jungwon would laugh, eyes flicking between you and Heeseung with that knowing look.

You’d turn red and Heeseung would just shake his head, smiling. 

Even in your hardest moments, he was still showing up for you. Providing you with the comfort and stability that you were trying so hard to give your daughter. You tried to remind yourself not to get too used to his support, but there was no denying it—it was easier to take care of Hana when there was someone taking care of you, too.

“I don’t know what to do,” You sighed, reaching down to pick her back up from her crib. Your phone was tucked between your cheek and your shoulder, Heeseung on the other end of the line. “I’ve tried everything. She just won’t settle.”

His voice came through rough and scratchy with sleep. It was late, and he probably should’ve been asleep hours ago, but you’d started calling each other. A lot. If he wasn’t there in person, he was on your speaker phone, talking to you and keeping Hana entertained. 

“Do you wanna try feeding her again?” He asked, yawning. 

“I’ve tried. She doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want anything.” You sighed as Hana let out another ear-piercing wail. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. It looked like another all-nighter for you. 

“Can you take her to your bed? I think she just doesn’t like being away from you.”

That was certainly true. Hana was getting clingier and clingier these days, spoiled by all her uncles constantly wanting to hold her. 

“I can’t, I’m scared that I’ll fall asleep,” You said. 

Countless horror stories about parents falling asleep with their babies in their bed had left you anxious to bring her to yours. It was moments like this that you wished her dad was there—that you had someone to take turns staying up with.

“I’ll let you go,” You sighed. “I’m gonna try walking her around the house or something, maybe another bath. Sleep well, okay?”

He hummed as you ended the call, the vibration tickling your ear through the phone. Almost like he was there with you. At least one of you would be able to get some sleep, you thought enviously as you pulled Hana to your chest. 

Only, ten minutes later there was a knock at your door. 

“Heeseung?” You stared at the man in your doorway. Hana scratched at your face as she wailed up at you. “Are you crazy? What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, smiling as he stepped over the threshold. “Wanted to make sure she was okay,” He said, as if that was a reasonable explanation for showing up at your house at 2 a.m.

“She’s fine,” You said, half-stunned as you shut the door behind him. 

Hana let out a disgruntled whine at not having your attention. You raised a brow at her, shaking your head. “You’re such a little drama queen. Look, you’re not even upset anymore.” 

It was true. Hana’s cries had slowed to a sniffle as she gazed at Heeseung with wide, glossy eyes. He held a hand out for her to grab onto.

“Had to make sure mom was okay, too,” He said quietly, thumb brushing over her knuckles.

You looked up at him, your chest tightening. His hair was a mess, poking out from under the hood of his sweatshirt. A rush of emotion washed over you at the sight of him, at the dark circles under his eyes, the tired smile on his mouth. The way he was trying—really trying—to be there for you both.

“You didn’t have to,” You mumbled, averting your eyes. 

God, even in his most sleep-deprived state he was gorgeous. Eyes burning into yours in the low light. His body hummed with that quiet power that had drawn you to him in the first place—that confidence, that steadfastness. How he seemed perfectly at ease no matter where he was or what he was feeling inside. 

Standing next to him, you felt slightly less exhausted. Like simply being around him was enough to energize you. 

“I know,” He said softly, “But I wanted to.” 

He stepped forward, hands slipping under Hana’s arms with a tenderness that made your heart sting. She let out a giggle as he lifted her up, hands smacking against his chest as he settled her against him.

“She’s always happier with you,” You said quietly. It wasn’t a complaint. Hana really was calmer around Heeseung, and that brought you a sense of peace that you weren’t quite sure how to explain. 

He looked at you, his expression softening. “She’s happier when you’re okay,” He murmured. “Come on, let’s try this again.”

Despite his best efforts, Hana was still unhappy in her crib. She clung to his arm as he tried to place her down, voice going up several octaves. You winced at the volume, grateful that you didn’t share walls with your neighbors. They’d have lost their patience hours ago. 

Heeseung didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even flinch as she shrieked, clawing at his hands in frustration. He just scooped her back up, resting her against his shoulder and muttering reassurances over her cries. 

You tried for an entire hour—walking her around the house, reading her favorite books and making sure to do all the funny voices, swaddling and unswaddling her, over and over and over. The best luck you had was in your room, like Heeseung had suggested, which both heartened and annoyed you at the same time. 

How were you supposed to deny a man with such good instincts? 

“You are so dramatic.” You shook your head as Hana hiccupped from your pillow, smiling like she’d never been crying in the first place. 

“I wonder where she gets it,” Heeseung said lightly, sitting down on the other side of her. 

You tried to stifle a yawn as Hana stretched out, both of your eyes drooping. 

Heeseung couldn’t help but smile at the both of you. He’d never met your ex—hadn’t even seen a picture—but he didn’t need to to know that Hana hardly took after him.

 Her smile, her mannerisms, that was all you. She was yours, through and through. 

“Come here,” He said, pulling Hana closer to him to make space for you to lay next to her. 

“I’ll fall asleep,” You protested. 

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

Anyone else, and you would have said no. Anyone but him, and you’d have insisted they leave, resigning yourself to another brutal night of no sleep. 

But it was Heeseung. He propped himself up on one elbow, his arm curved over Hana’s head. 

You sighed in resignation as you settled in on the other side of her, your hand resting over her stomach gently. His hand came down to brush the hair away from your face. His fingers were soft against your temple, the same gentle touch that you used to love so much. 

Anyone else and you would have turned them away, but it was Heeseung, and he watched the two of you sleeping like you were the most precious things to him in the world. 

——

When you woke the next morning, the sun was peeking through your window, filtering through your blinds and washing your room in soft, white light. 

In front of you, Hana was still sound asleep, her fists clenched by her head. On the other side of her, Heeseung was there. Still on his side, shoulders curved inwards protectively. His arm was still stretched out above you both, his hand resting gently against your hair. He’d fallen asleep that way, holding you both like you were his to care for. His to protect. 

And waking up that morning, you realized that maybe you were. Maybe you wanted to be. You slipped out from under his hand, trying not to disturb either of them as you rolled the ache out of your shoulders. 

You padded into your kitchen, warm light spilling across the floor. Leaning against the counter, you finally admitted to yourself that you had a problem. 

Heeseung was doing it. He was making you believe.

You let out a breath. 

The nightly calls, the small gestures, the way Heeseung was there for you, it was working. Are you really falling for this? You thought stubbornly, trying to reason your way out of the way you felt about him. How much of it was real, anyways? And how much had you made up in your desire to have him close? Your mind screamed at you not to trust any of it. 

He was an idea. You didn’t need him. 

But you wanted him so bad. 

Your heart warred against this truth, desperate for something—anything—to convince yourself otherwise. But it wasn’t easy to do. The life he’d painted around you in just under a month was like something out of a dream. One you’d had before the baby, before the breakup, when you still felt like dreams like this had merit.

It was everything you’d ever wanted, and that made you suspicious. What reason did the universe have for giving this to you? When it had been so intent on taking things away? 

Your thoughts were interrupted as Hana came crawling into the kitchen, slapping her hands on the cool floor. Heeseung trailed in after, looking exceptionally tired with his hair sticking up in awkward places. He yawned, scooping Hana up with practiced ease and perching her against his chest. 

“Hey,” He said, bringing her over to you. “Did you sleep well?”

You took her grabbing hand in yours, kissing a good-morning into her hair. “Thanks to you. You’re so good with her,” You said, trying to keep your voice even. Your stomach was fluttering nervously. “I don’t know how you do it.” 

He shrugged, giving her a little bounce that sent her squealing with laughter. “It’s easy. She’s a charmer. Just like her mom.”

Your heart stuttered, and you looked away, fighting the stubborn burn in your chest. Heeseung saw it, though. He always saw it.

“I’m glad I came, y/n. Seriously. I slept great.”

“You slept terribly.”

“Alright, fine, I slept pretty badly, but it was worth it,” He insisted. “And I’d do it again. And again, and again, and again,” He laughed, nuzzling his face into her chest. “Can the guys come over today? Unless you want the day to yourself… I know we’ve been over a lot. I can go home if you want.”

Words could not describe how badly you wanted him to stay. “Yeah, of course. I like having you guys around.”

I like having you around, is what you should have said, but you didn’t have to say it for Heeseung to know what you meant. The smile on his face told you that he understood completely. 

It was already the beginning of the end for you when the other members came over and started teasing you both mercilessly. Weeks of hanging out at yours had made them bold—and it was clear that they wanted you to address what was going on between the two of you.

“Should we start packing your room up?” Sunoo asked, side-eyeing you both as he came in.

“You might as well just move in, bro,” Jay said, clapping his hand on Heeseung’s back.

You scoffed. “Yeah right, not until he starts paying rent.”

Jay smirked. “He’d do it.” 

“Shut up,” Heeseung mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Their banter might have embarrassed you once, but it felt natural now. The way they spilled into your living room, fighting over who got to hold Hana and which toys she wanted to play with more more—it was hard not to feel like this was how it had always been. 

You clung to whatever thin resolve you had left as you watched them all with your daughter. No matter how much you tried not to, your gaze always landed back on Heeseung. The way he lifted Hana into the air, blowing raspberries into her stomach until she was screeching with laughter. The way he handed her off to someone else and insisted on helping you get her lunch ready. 

Things between you and Heeseung became… different. 

It didn’t fluster you as much when the others teased you for being attached at the hip anymore. And you didn’t mind when he’d sit with his arm slung over the back of the couch, fingers brushing the back of your neck.

For every inch you gave, he seemed to take a mile. Eventually, it became commonplace for him to collapse on the couch right next to you, thigh brushing yours, arm stretched behind your shoulders.

The others stopped asking if Heeseung was leaving with them. They knew he’d choose to stay with you. 

“Are you just gonna stand there staring at me all night?” You asked, your back turned as you put your dinner leftovers into the fridge. You could feel his eyes on the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

“Maybe.” He said, “I like watching you.”

“You’re insufferable.”

He smirked, eyes glinting. “You didn’t seem to mind earlier. When I put my arm around you on the couch, you didn’t move.”

Caught. 

“That was different,” You managed, keeping your voice even. He didn’t need to know how much of a rise that simple touch had gotten out of you. 

“Was it?” His voice was low as he came to lean against the counter beside you, arms crossed. “Felt pretty natural to me.”

Weeks passed and lines got blurrier. He touched you. A lot. Practically couldn’t keep his hands off of you—brushing a strand of hair from your face, a hand on your lower back, a stroke of his thumb against your temple. 

By the time you realized it was happening, that you were really, truly falling for him again, it was too late. 

Waking up with your head on his chest, Hana curled between you—it was too late. 

His arms resting on either side of you against the counter, his chest to your back as Hana sat on top of it—it was too late. 

His hand running back through your hair in front of everyone as he tried to find the scar you’d gotten from hitting your head on his dorm door all those years ago—it was too late.

As much as you tried to manage your affinity for him—remind yourself that he had always been friendly, that this was just a passing thing for him while he was bored at home—it was during your weekly dinner as a group that your feelings became impossible to deny any longer. 

You were in the kitchen, putting the dishes away when you heard a sharp crash from the other room—the sound of glass breaking.

Your heart skipped as you dropped the bowl you were holding and ran towards the living room. Someone had knocked a cup from the table, the shards spraying across the floor. 

Heeseung was on his feet in a second, scooping Hana up away from the broken pieces, stepping away as the others got up. 

You paused in the doorway, your breath catching as you watched him. The others stepped around him to clean up, bickering lightly about who was to blame, but Heeseung’s focus never wavered. He murmured something in Hana’s ear, pointing at the broken cup, bouncing her gently as they swept up the shards.

He looked up and caught your eye, and it was suddenly so clear. 

You’d been an idiot. 

Looking at Heeseung now, it was impossible for you to deny any longer. Heeseung loved you. How had you managed to convince yourself otherwise?

Old grudges rose in the back of your mind—he left you. he left like it was nothing, like everyone else does, and he’s going to do it again—but for the first time, you pushed them away with ease. 

They were words. 

And what use were words when there you had actions to prove them otherwise? 

Something about that moment, the way Heeseung had gone for Hana first, letting the others handle the mess while he made sure she was alright, made your doubts melt away. His first instinct wasn’t to scold whoever had knocked the glass over, or even to help clean it up.

It was to keep your daughter safe. 

You spent the rest of the day with a lump in the back of your throat, the awkward ache of all the things you wanted to say to him. He seemed to notice your change in attitude, that something was bothering you, and he stuck even closer than he usually did, stopping to ask you if you were okay multiple times.

“Will you stay behind?” You asked, glancing up at him. “After everyone goes.”

He looked surprised, but nodded. “Of course.”

The others eventually left again, wanting to go out for dinner. Heeseung promised he’d catch up with them but they just rolled their eyes, not believing him for a second. 

With the house empty again, it was impossible for you to dance around it anymore. 

Hana was down for her nap—eased to sleep by Sunghoon and Jake’s rendition of her favorite bedtime story. Heeseung was leaned against the counter, as if half-expecting you to say something. And your words sat heavy in your throat, aching to come out.

“You don’t know how much it means to me,” You murmured finally, looking up to meet his gaze, “Having you and the others here. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.” 

“You don’t have to make it up to us, y/n. We’re happy to help.” 

“No,” You said, shifting uneasily. “I dont know how I’ll make it up… to you.” 

His eyes widened slightly, but you went on before he could answer, afraid that if you didn’t talk now, you’d never be able to again.

“I know…” You started, cringing internally at how difficult this was for you. Your feelings were so strong, why was it so hard to explain them? “I know I was harsh on you when you came over the first time. You were being kind, and I got defensive. I’m not proud of how I behaved at all,” You admitted. 

“Y/n…”

You stopped him. “Just—let me finish.”

He closed his mouth, but you saw the anxious twitch of his brow.

“You didn’t have to come back. You didn’t owe us anything, not after the way we left things and definitely not after the way I spoke to you. But you did anyways.” You crossed your arms, feeling self-concious. “I didn’t think that I would ever have this again,” You said, gesturing at the things left over from their visit. “I really thought I was going to do this by myself. And that was fine, I’d made my peace with it, but now…”

You paused, your eyes flicking to the picture Hana had drawn with the others—a mess of scribbles that resembled a house, and a group of people standing in front of it. “Now it’s different. And that’s hard for me.”

Heeseung swallowed, as if gathering every ounce of his strength to keep his voice steady. “It’s okay if… if you don’t want me here, y/n.” He held your gaze bravely, but you could tell the idea hurt him. “If this is too much, if you’d rather… I can go—”

“I don’t want you to go.”

He blinked, startled. 

“I know I’ve been guarded, and I’ve been pushing you away. But… but seeing you with her, and with me—it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed this. How much I’ve missed you.”

Heeseung’s brow furrowed as if he didn’t quite believe you. You almost smiled. He was so reserved, hands clenched at his sides, braced for what you were going to say. 

“I know I talk a big talk but… I don’t want to do this alone, not if you’re willing to be here. Not if you’re willing to… to be with us. I don’t want you to go.”

“You don’t want me to go.” He said it slowly, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. 

You bit your lip, laughing a little bit at the look on his face. “No, I don’t.” 

Then, his face broke into a grin. His shoulders dropped and he was stepping towards you, pulling you into his chest like he’d been waiting to do it for years. 

And he had. He really had.

His touch was overwhelming. His arms wrapped around you, the heat of his throat warm against your cheek. You buried your face into his neck, breathing in the smell of his cologne and the lingering smell of kid that was all over him. All over both of you. 

You pulled away, giddy with nerves and relief. “Happy?”

“Happy,” He breathed. “So… what now?”

“I don’t know… what do you think?”

He quirked his head, lips twisting into a smile. “I think… I’ve been waiting a long time to kiss you again.”

Your heart skipped. “Then what’s stopping you?”

He smiled lazily, like he was half-dreaming, and brushed his nose against yours before pushing his lips onto yours. You melted against him, so happy you could hardly think straight.

Heeseung pushed you back against the counter, his hands on your waist as yours threaded through his hair. 

“I was an asshole,” He mumbled against your mouth. “I’m sorry” 

You shook your head, breathless beneath his lips. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

Besides, you thought, that was years ago. And the Heeseung in front of you now was not the same one that had left you behind. 

Not by a longshot.

[noxitsnox]

Happy pride month ^^

Here's the plan for June:

Posting Jake and Sunghoon this week (Jake is basically over and now I'm done witg school so I have time to proofread and everything)

Finishing the Jay request I have in my drafts

Getting started on the Jake request

By the end of the month squid game s3 comes out so I'll probably hyperfixate again on my bbygirl Hyunju (= +fics)

Alien Stage xreaders ?????