#i mean i know she can fling around trucks and stuff so carrying a person is nothing to her but still her carrying her man is hot

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

Honestly so hot of Rogue to bridal carry Gambit

[cdarkheartzero]

Today’s theme- “Too far”

I was skimming through some comments and such and came across @the-garbage-is-my-fandom ‘s comment of “more horror art” on my “Bathtime” piece. And I was inspired. I’m especially excited for @melodyofthevoid to tear into me like I do her when she abuses my son.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen” Dib chanted to himself choking on what little air his lungs could grasp. He had never known fear like this and his body just had no idea how to handle it.

Dib mind raced, playing the previous weeks in his head, trying to figure out what went wrong. His master plan, a small gas bomb capable of temporarily paralyzing or knocking his enemy out, was finally complete. Many a sleepless night and wasted weekend on containment structure, chemical analysis and test runs. This was it. Finally, he could capture the alien menace and expose him. Finally, he would no longer be the crazy kid. Finally, the world would see the danger they were in all along. Finally.... he would be the hero.

But this wasn’t supposed to happen.

[[More]]

Dib snuck in through the front door after Zim’s idiot sidekick carelessly left it open, making haste to the neighborhood taco truck’s sirens blaring in the distance. He cautiously entered, realizing the Invader was no where in sight and gently placed the bomb in the center of the floor of the “living room”. Carefully he made his way up to the wires completely covering the ceiling for shelter. Soon enough, Gir threw the door open, Damn near ripping it off its hinges, absolutely covered in grease and meat. It seemed the taco run was a success.

He wandered over to the “box” in the middle of the floor and started screaming for his master. “MASTAAAAA!!!! A PRESENT!!!!!!” He shrieked and screeched. How did Zim deal with this all the time?

Within a moment or two, an undisguised Zim angrily emerged from the toilet in the kitchen (which was a sight Dib never really got used to. How does a WHOLE BODY fit down the small opening of a TOILET?!)

“Gir! What nonsense are you going on about!?”

“I gots a present! I’m the birthday boy!”

Zim quickly snatched the “gift” from the metallic hands, studying it’s shotty craftsmanship briefly and returning his full attention to the wide eyed robot standing before him. “What have I told you about bringing junk into this house? First that street lamp-” “But I wanted a nightlight to keep the monkey away.” Gir quietly and somberly interrupted.

Zim sighed. Was this conversation going to go anywhere? No. No, it wasn’t. He might as well talk to the jar of mayo still sitting open on the kitchen table from 3 days ago.

He bent down, clutching the box to his abdomen and give the robot a small pat on the head. “Zim told you he took care of the monkey. It can’t hurt you anymore. But please, Gir, refrain from bringing more stuff home.” He said calmly with a defeated tone in his voice. Gir’s face lit up with a wide grin spanning from “ear to ear” (had he had them anyway). “OKAAAAAY!” He screeched and wrapped his arms around his master. Dib could swear he heard something pop and squish under the groans and painful sounds Zim was emitting.

Then there was a click.

It seemed like the blink of an eye it all happened. An explosion unlike anything Dib ever thought possible by his hands unfolding around him. Windows shattered as glass slashed through the air in every which way direction. Chunks of flooring and wall violently slammed into anything unfortunate enough to come into their path. The fogged air was tainted with this disgustingly potent smell blanketing the entire room. The resulting shock wave flung Dib from his hiding spot, colliding with the cold tiles beneath him.

He blacked out for just a moment, his body on fire and his ears ringing loudly, drowning out all other sound. His eyes slowly opened and he worked up the strength to push himself to his feet. He noticed the blood on his hands as he lifted himself. He wasn’t surprised he got cut. He just couldn’t determain how bad. He was so disoriented.

He tried his best to scan the room, eyes adjusting themselves from the bright blast that had just assaulted them. A shine in the corner grabbed his attention in the sea of rubble and destruction. The robot, Gir, was crushed into the wall by large slabs of concrete and tiles. His once blue glowing eyes dim and cracked. He remained motionless.

“Oh, no.” Dib thought, realizing the severity of his actions. “Zim!” He cried out of instinct. There was no response. There was no movement in the cloud of smoke as it slowly decepated. The clearing air revealed Zim’s limp frame sprawled out within the neon-green splattered crater the explosion created by the front door. A gigantic hole displayed the vacant interior of his chest and abdominal cavity. Every bit of his internal organs were laid on the ground. His ruby eyes open and dull with his face resting almost peaceful. Dib’s stomach dropped.

THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

Panic was setting in. He wanted to get close to the alien but it’s like his legs forbid such an action. So he goggled. “WHAT DO I DO?!” He blurted out to no one. He backed into the kitchen, never taking his eyes off the crater of debris and guts. His breathing jagged, his pulse racing and his throat overflowing, begging to release its contents on the oddly colored tiling. He felt sick.

“INITIATING SURVIVAL MODE”

He jumped. A sudden noise in this deafening silence. It was a voice he instantly recognized. Zim’s Computer. But it wasn’t echoing from the darkness of the house... it was coming from Zim.

The once limp body slowly started to adjust itself, trying to sit itself up. The more it moved, the more it’s contents leaked out of the organic frame. Dib just silently stared in awe....in relief.... in disgust as his fallen rival stood up. Swaying slightly as it tried to regain its balance. Their eyes locked. A shutter violently shook Dib. Zim was a lot of things. A pain in the ass. An idiot. Selfish. A narcissist. Incompetent. But this wasn’t Zim. This.... was TERRIFYING.

The creature’s thousand yard stare prickled Dib’s skin with the feeling of a million bugs crawling on his person. The paranormal investigator watched-even from several feet away- the speedy throbbing of the veins protruding around It’s eyes. The alien opened his mouth to speak and all that came out through the river of brightly colored blood was the sound of static. It was painful. SO PAINFUL to hear. Dib wanted to shield his ears from the sound but his body stood there still.

The creature’s attention tore away from Dib for a moment, eyeing the damaged robot. His PAK opened up, aggressively flinging his long, thin, robotic legs outwards. The legs came down one by one, echoing a small “clink” on the floor as the razor sharp ends touched the tile. His body lifted and made his way to the faithful metallic companion. Without saying a word, Dib watched as Zim’s body pried the heavy debris pinning the small robot. Gir’s body was released and the gloved hands gently caught him before he could fall on the floor.

THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

“Zim.... I swear.... I didn’t mean to...-“

He was caught off when the red eyes turned to his direction again. Even without pupils or Iris’, Dib could feel the daggers being thrown at him. The mouth opened to speak. “Gir.... why?”

Dib backed up one more step, further into the kitchen. Zim’s voice.... it was wrong. Metallic. Cold. Disoriented. Unlike anything he had ever heard before. Words caught in Dib’s throat but he mustered all his strength to release them. “It was an accident. It-it was just supposed to knock you out.” Dib continued to ramble. “I don’t know what happened!”

“Miserable”

Dib tensed up “W-what is?”

“Your existence brings misery. To your planet. To your family. To anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with you.”

Those words cut Dib’s soul deep. It’s like Zim could read his worst fears. Something he kept hidden- that black stain in his heart-all this time. Exposed. Just like that.

Before he could say anything, the alien continued “ You have always been an annoyance, you sickening human. We cannot escape you. Your voice. Your presence. Your smell. Forever a thorn in our side. The reason my tallest find me nothing more than entertainment. Why Zim can never succeed in his goals. Now this....the only good Zim had...” he said staring at Gir’s face.

“What is he talking about? What did I do with his leaders?” Dib pondered, eyes frantically shifting between Zim’s body and the door behind him.

His neck snapped in Dib’s direction. “But that’s not the worst part. Zim always heard it. For years. It was always following me.” The legs carried him one step closer to the kitchen. Dib silently took a step backwards. “There. Annoying me. Attacking his senses. A constant reminder of the misery you cause. Zim will rid himself of this....this sound...”

Dib needed to flee. But how? This creature was in front of the door!

Zim’s lips curled up. His smirk growing, stretching wider and wider, tearing the ends of his mouth apart. Blood leaking down the sides of his face as the smile grew to sizes ever more disturbing. It was like he was trying to separate the top and bottom of head. There was a silence. With a grin unseen by human eyes before, The creature chucked.

“OnCe I sILeNcE tHaT hEaRt Of YoUrS, wiLl ZiM FiNaLLy bE FrEe?

As the creature leapt towards the investigator, his body (FINALLY) responded by quickly dodging out of the way, slamming into the sink. The thin, metallic legs crashed into the dining room table decimating it instantly. Without so much as a thought, Dib crawled into the trash can and landed into the claustrophobic elevator to the lab. He panted and shook. It was a terrible idea to go down to the labs. A territory not his. He was out of his element and he wasn’t sure how he would escape. But it beat staying up there and getting ripped to shreds. The pink glow of the elevator made him even more on edge.

The doors opened, startling Dib who was frantically lost in thought. He ran from the elevator, peeking behind tables, tubes and anything else while keeping his senses sharp and alert. Zim was somewhere. Maybe he could just take the elevator back up and leave? But what if he was still in the kitchen?

There was a high-pitched screech pouring from the shaft he had just exited. The elevator lights flickered, sparks raining down and the glow of Zim’s upside down eyes peeked through its opening. His legs slowly pulled him out, adjusting he and Gir (whom was still being cradled) upright. “Diiiiiiiiib.... I kNoW YoU aRe In HeRe....” it gargled.

Dib patiently waited, holding back his sobs and screams, for the towering monster to pass. He needed to keep running. Find the elevator to the toilet! It was the only way! He hid. And ran. Hid. And ran. It was the most horrifying game of cat and mouse conceivable. The longer it went on, the worse it seemed to get for him. He couldn’t find the exit. And he couldn’t find Zim. Not that he WANTED to find him, but at least pass him to know he was still in this metallic labyrinth. That the kitchen was clear.

Finally, he stumbled upon what he assumed was the elevator on the other side of a large room. He was so close-! Within a single second, his joy faded to nothingness by the familiar sound of scraping. He watched the shadow on the floor as it shakily passed by the table Dib had temporarily chosen as shelter. It stopped and stood still like a statue momentarily: Then went about it’s way. “Finally-! To that door!”

He sprinted to the exit, knocking a few items from a table and catching the beast’s attention. Running with all the strength his body had to offer, he was finally within reach of the button left of the doorframe. His fist slammed into it and the sounds of the creature hurried closer, bellowing his name in a mortifying shriek.

The double doors opened. Dib threw his body into the room only to hit into something and get pelted with tools and cans tumbling from above. Realization slapped him in the face. This isn’t an elevator....

This is a closet.

With heavy dread, Dib turned his face to see that he and the creature were mere inches away from each other. There was no where to go. Never taking his eye’s off Zim’s, he felt two sharp knives glide over his ribcage, gently banging on each bone as they made their way to their target. It’s face had a permanent smile, gradually becoming more and more uncontrollable the harder and faster the thrashing in Dib’s chest became. As the blades slowly began digging in and red blood mixed with green, 5 words continuously haunted his thoughts.

THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

Thanks so much to anyone that read this! I hope you enjoyed!

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator: dark fate”, part 2

“It’s raining men (and women)”.... hallelujah? Or not, as the case may be.

(For those just joining us, part one is here)

I was kinda hoping they would run the credits  after the title, but I guess filmmakers... don't do that anymore, because we all have short attention spans these days?? Some of that is George Lucas's fault, I know, but tbh I kinda enjoy the creative ways in which filmmakers USED that space occupied by the opening credits... like how The Karate Kid uses it for Daniel and Lucille's road trip between Jersey and California, how it establishes how many friends Daniel had, the importance of his bike, and the whole "putting the car in neutral" and rolling it to get the engine going AND the motif/promise of the pool... all in a minute or two. Magical.  I kinda miss that compared to earlier films.

Anyway, highway at night in what the screen tells me is Mexico City 22 years later. Okay, then. There's ice... and then lightning crackling on the road edge, which can only mean one thing -- a visitor from the future!!

There's a woman making out with her boyfriend underneath the highway, and she says "Oh, my god," and the boyfriend thinks it's all his doing, LOL. Sorry, dude, not today.

THE SPHERE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY OVERPASS, HOLY FUCK, WHO SET THOSE COORDINATES?? It's a good thing the spheres destroy everything around them, or else this movie would be very, very short.

As it is, Grace falls naked from a great height, banging on supports as she goes down. Ow. Great way of showing she's not quite human.

Of course the watching girl goes over to help while her boyfriend sits there slack-jawed until she shames him into going along. They pick her up and carry her towards their car, only for the police to show up and demand to know what's going on. They think that they're drug dealers (?) and don't believe that she fell from a bridge.

"I love it when it rains naked ladies," says the cop, which is movie-speak for, "I'm an asshole about to get my ass kicked and the audience is going to cheer while it happens".

He grabs her, and Grace sees his gun, and goes for it. Yup, he's down. She's got some sort of augmented vision like the Terminator though anyone who's seen the trailer knows already she's on the side of good.

Grace takes out all the cops completely naked, and I love how this scene is filmed because it's so not focused on anything sexual and it's not sexualized at all, at least for the male gaze that I can tell. It's just... a naked woman kicking ass without obsessing over the fact that she's naked, and it's so goddamn refreshing.

The boyfriend thinks she's amazing. His girlfriend walks over and hugs him. Grace strides up to him and compares her bare foot to his boot. "Don't thank me yet," she says in a deadpan.

Cut to Grace wearing his clothes driving away in his car as the boyfriend stands around in his boxers and yells for her to go to hell. And I like this because it's so much more effective  this way to leave the details in the reader's head and show us the results. The girlfriend steers him away, and he starts blaming her, for getting them involved in the first place. Fuck you, dude. I hope she dumps him that night, too.

Cut to Dani in the street somewhere, carrying flowers and chatting with a tamale vendor. We learn from this that she always has flowers -- an association with life and spirit, and not letting the grind get you down. I approve.  

Dani has a brother, Diego, who wants to be a pop star, and a father whom she reminds to go to the doctor. Caretaker of the family! Of course they have a dog, named Taco. I'm sure this will be relevant later. I hope Taco survives. Diego tries to chat up a neighbor named Julia, and I'm sure this will all end tragically. I hope she survives.

Dani and Diego leave just in time... for another naked person to drop from the sky in a glowing electric sphere! What are the odd??!

Okay, I don't remember the spheres forming ice in previous films, but it's a cool detail that it makes all the laundry on the lines freeze and shatter... so it's gotta be SUPER COLD. Like, liquid-nitrogen levels of cold.

Like Grace's sphere, this one drops its inhabitant off in mid-air, but the Terminator is able to do a beautiful leap and land on his feet like a cat. He looks like a marble sculpture here - beautiful, smooth, polished, muscled grace. Hot damn. There is absolutely no emotion on his face as he stands up, and even without the music cues, you know right away something is wrong.

There's a woman staring at him when he turns around. And now he looks friendly... earnest, helpful. "Good morning," he says in Spanish as he reaches out to touch the jacket she has in her hand, and it spills up out of his skin HOLY FUCK THAT IS CREEPY AND AMAZING at the same time.

The woman FREAKS OUT and he SMILES at her ever so slightly, and--

Cut to a busy city street. Unlike the highway where Grace appeared, this in the middle of the city, with lots of apartment buildings and traffic. Dani and Diego are on a bus.

Cut to Dani's father answering a knock on the door while Taco the dog barks hysterically. I know, I know, I'm so sorry, Taco. There's the Terminator, and he's so charming and earnest in his plaid jacket, looking for Dani. He claims to be a friend. Her father is shocked. "That's strange. Her friends call her Dani..."

"Dani?" repeats the Terminator. "Yes, of course." AND HE SMILES... fuck. A TERMINATOR THAT CAN MIMIC HUMAN FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND SHOW EMOTIONS I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.

(but it actually makes PERFECT SENSE for reasons that will be explained later [kinda] in the film!!!!)

Cut to a factory. Arius Motors. Dani and Diego going in to work as cars swing by on the line. There are robot arms and it's all very timely and metaphorical. Somebody goes by on a bicycle INSIDE THE FACTORY and I have no idea how that works, but okay.

Diego's station has been replaced by "a new guy,"--an orange robot arm. Dani asks the supervisor what's going on and he says, "The future," and the manager wants to see Diego in his office. Dani goes in his place, the supervisor says no, Dani pulls out her hair tie, and goes anyway. THIS IS WHY SHE'S THE LEADER OF THE MOTHERFUCKING RESISTANCE, Y'ALL, she’s ALREADY taking no shit from robots. 

Dani's father shows up at the factory claiming his kids forgot their lunch and can he come in? Poor dad is definitely dead. I hope Taco at least survived, but I doubt it. Meanwhile Grace is approaching and just leaps over the turnstile like it's no big deal and I LOVE IT. Then she follows a security guard into a corner and mugs him for his uniform and it's all so goddamn quick.

The security guard tells "Dad" that he can't come in without a helmet and vest, which is bullshit, because most of the employees don't wear them, but whatever. Grace keeps walking. How the fuck did she dress so fast, but she looks great. She's got a jacket awkwardly covering her gun, and it's not subtle, but no one seems to notice.

Dani is arguing with the boss, who is... American? At least he's speaking English. She's trying to keep her brother's job, but he's all "well, he's not as good as you are," and Dani is Not Having It. She threatens to tell them that machines are coming for ALL the jobs, and god, I love her so much because EVEN WITHOUT TERMINATORS MESSING UP HER LIFE, SHE WAS GONNA GO PLACES.

"Dad" goes to Dani's station and she isn't there, but he talks to Diego. (I don't know how he knows so much, but I'm sure it wasn't pretty.) The Terminator makes that lame excuse about bringing lunches, and Diego is confused, because Dani already took care of that--

Then Dani shows up and the lunch morphs into a gun, and I'm not sure how they did that, because wasn't the morphing stuff not supposed to MAKE GUNS--ok, maybe he took the security guard's gun and morphed the lunch OVER it as a cover with his polyalloy bits--but FUCK this dude is SCARY--and points the gun at Dani as she and Diego stare--only to have his head blown open as Grace fires.

Grace keeps shooting as Dani screams, and grabs Dani before she can get to "Dad". Grace is way better at explaining things than Kyle Reese: "That is NOT your father. That was a machine that sent here to kill you. " It helps that the Terminator has lots of metal bits exposed at this point, and rapidly shifting back to normal. Come with me or you're dead in the next thirty seconds!"

Dani doesn't buy this, but she runs as Grace shepherds both her and Diego away.

And that back arch as the Terminator sits up and regenerates back to his "original" persona--which, I'll note, he DIDN't steal from anyone in our present; it was the one he came with UNLIKE the T-1000 in T2--and it's scary as hell. And even watching him run, and leap--it's not human. It's a predator disguised in human form. Well done, filmmakers.

I like how they show Grace's augmented senses here, and how she has the extra warning to shove Dani and Diego out of the way when the Terminator goes flying for her. He slices her cap off with arms that are suddenly sword-knives, and she swings a mallet at him, knocking him flat--and flinging him into a wall when she hits him again. She is really fucking strong, and I've never seen a woman be this strong before and it's AMAZING.

She hits him on the head over and over again, and then he starts crawling up the mallet towards her and it's so creepy HOLY FUCK and then he sends her sprawling and pops the mallet back out of his head OH MY GOD.

Grace starts using a piece of car siding as shield because she lost her weapon, keeping herself between the Terminator and Dani at all times.

Diego crushes him with a machine--I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, FILMMAKERS, NICE CALLBACK. Unfortunately, it doesn't take, but it does give them some breathing room. Meanwhile, Grace is tired and out of breath, and visibly overheating. The perfect time to introduce herself to Dani!

Grace explains the situation on the run, and throws Diego into the truck they steal outside when he hesitates. I gotta hand it to her, she's doing this whole thing pretty well.

Diego sees her arm. "Are you a machine too?" "No I'm human, like you!" They don't believe her. "No, I'm augmented." THIS IS GOING TO BE A THEME, OH MY GOD. More on this later. Grace can argue with them AND hotwire the truck at the same time. #goals.

They bust out of the factory. The police immediately go after them, not sure how that worked, and Grace says "Oh, shit," seconds before the Terminator (now revealed as the Rev-9) busts through the wall with a truck and a... snowplow? I guess it's for moving stone and metal bits around the factory? Whatever. It's a lot. The police cars go flying.

Somehow Grace manages to drive AND explain backstory at the same time, which I admire, because I can barely talk and drive at the same time.

There's a lot of civilian casualties, mostly due to the Rev-9 snowplowing everything. They end up going backwards up the highway off-ramp and onto the highway. The Rev-9 busts through more things and loses the snowplow. It's a bad day to be driving in Mexico City, let's just say that much.

Grace gets the first "FUCK!" of the movie, as the check engine light of the truck comes on, so Dani gets to drive while Grace makes improvised weapons out of rebar. Oh, wait, Dani can't drive, so Diego gets to do it. (Hahaha, I guess Dani's going to learn how to drive soon because METAPHOR)

Graces eases off her jacket so she can blow off steam and leaps into the back of the truck, yelling for Dani to put her seatbelt on OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE. I love it.

She targets the Rev-9 and throws. He doesn't even flinch at the first one and catches the second one. She stabs him several times through and then he grabs the rebar and moves the polymetallic alloy portion of himself onto the front of the truck while the metallic Terminator skeleton drives.

[COMBINING THOSE TWO PARTS IS REALLY CREEPY AND ALSO THE BEST DECISION THEY COULD HAVE MADE 10/10 APPROVED]

It looks like the skeleton is laughing at Grace, but I think that's just his resting bitch face, lol.

Grace changes tactics and shoots for the tires. The Rev-9 jumps and throws a rebar back at her and Grace deflects it so it misses Dani. Then the truck is dragging the Rev-9's protoplasm while the other half crashes and Grace has to fend him off. Rev-9 takes this opportunity and slashes at the tires with his sword-hands. Grace kicks him off and he gets run over, but it won't take. Diego crashes the truck as the tire blows and Grace rolls and takes a bad fall onto the pavement. The Rev-9's skeleton crawls out of the flames.

DANI WORE HER SEATBELT SO SHE'S FINE WHILE DIEGO DIDN'T AND IS INJURED OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE THE DETAILS FUUUUUUCCCKKKK. Like, Grace knew Dani had to wear her seatbelt BECAUSE SHE'S FROM THE FUTURE AND OLDER!DANI TOLD HER TO DO IT! And younger!Dani DID IT! OH my GOD! (either that or they really are just that drift compatible)

Oh, no, Diego has rebar through him, he's not going to survive AAAAAAAAH no whhhhhhyyyyy

Meanwhile, some poor motorist tries to help the Rev-9 and is murdered for his troubles. sigh.

Grace has to pull Dani over the body of her dying brother seconds before the Rev-9 smashes into the car and everything explodes in fire. Dani tries to run to Diego and Grace holds her back. Grace makes Dani run.

All of the Rev-9's protoplasm is oozing back towards the skeleton in liquid dark smears on the ground and it's so creepy FUUUUCCKKKK

Oh god HE WALKS THROUGH THE METAL HIGHWAY GUARD LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL HOW CREEPY CAN YOU GET FUUUUCCKKK

And then the skeleton starts throwing rebar at them from the other SIDE fuuuuckk. this movie so isn't subtle, because there's the machine part and the human-looking part, and they're both working together as one, and this is a METAPHOR, we're meant to see the Rev-9 and Grace as FOILS to each other AAHHHHHH and the Rev-9 is also a SYMBOL OF WHAT HUMANITY CAN BECOME IF IT MELDS WITH AI, AHHHHHHH

Can I just note here that the skeleton part DOES NOT HAVE A ROUND HEAD THERE IS IN FACT A GAP WHERE ITS BRAIN SHOULD BE AAAAAAA

"When they start to kill me, run," Grace says to Dani. But... AN SUV pulls up, knocks the skeleton flat on its ass as the human part of the REV-9 just stares in dull, placid confusion.

next up: my fave returns!

[mon-ami909]

Another piece of my McHanzo fanfic

So wait, you did, or did not, get his number?” Lena quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Well, yknow.” Jesse’s sentence trailed off.

“Seriously dude, it's been what, four years since you got here?” Lúcio grunted as he tied his boots. “You've had maybe one or two flings, but that's it!? I don't know how anyone can go without sex for as long as you do.” He laughed.

“Cmon now man, you know how I feel about that stuff.” Jesse replied with a groan.

“Yeah yeah, making love has to be with someone special.” Lúcio mocked Jesse’s accent.

“I think it's sweet.” Lena smiled at Jesse.

“Barf, what about just good ol sex man?” He stood from the bench.

“Naw, that ain't my thing.” Jesse shook his head.

“And that's perfectly fine, right Lúcio?” Lena gave him a look.

“I know, look man, I get ya, if I found somebody I wanted to hold on to, I'd probably feel the same way.” Lúcio sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Why thank ya kindly.” Jesse tipped his ballcap at Lúcio.

“Well,” Lena sidled up to Jesse, “since you didn't get his number yesterday, I suppose I could let you have that drop off again today..” She wagged her eyebrows at Jesse.

“You two better be careful with that, if the boss finds out she's gonna be pissed.” Lúcio warned.

“Oh come off it, it's fine. I'll toss the box in your truck, and then it's off to play Casanova.” Lena chuckled.

“How many times must I tell you that you can't hang around here while I am working.” Hanzo sighed from behind the counter.

“Oh whatever! This place is dead right now.” Sombra scoffed.

“Still, you know how Jack gets.” Hanzo tilted his head towards the door to the stock room.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sombra waved him off. “So what font are you doing for your Typography piece?” She leaned forward on the counter, rotating her coffee cup in her hands.

“I was thinking of going with Mistral.” Hanzo replied as he leaned back against the back bar.

“Oh that's a good one! Since you’ve been classically trained in Japanese Calligraphy, that should be easy.” She replied.

“Ugh seriously guys.” Hana groaned, “you're going all graphic designer on me again. Can we talk about something interesting?”

“Hana I haven't seen you take your face out of your phone since we got here.” Sombra raised an eyebrow, hanzo chuckled. Just then a very familiar figured entered the shop. He was grinning from ear to ear as their eyes locked.

“Howdy.” He greeted Hanzo.

“Hello.” Hanzo replied trying to suppress a smile. Sombra’s eyes flicked back and forth between the two of them. She elbowed Hana to get her attention, she scowled, but before she could retort she also caught sight of Jesse and Hanzo staring at each other. Hanzo was the first to break the silence, clearing his throat.

“Uh do you need me to sign for that?” He asked.

“Oh! Uh yeah!” Jesse chuckled nervously as he handed Hanzo the device, he carried the box to the other end of the counter.

“Who is that!?” Sombra whispered.

“He's so cute!” Hana added.

“Alright.” Jesse returned.

“Here you are.” Hanzo handed Jesse the device.

“Thanks, You uh, goin to work out tonight?” Jesse asked.

“I'm afraid not. I usually only go two or three times a week.” Hanzo admitted.

“Well that's too bad,” suddenly a blush spread across Jesse's face as he averted his gaze, “I was thinkin, maybe I could help ya out with yer workouts.” Jesse scratched the back of his head.

“Oh? Am I doing something wrong?” Hanzo asked.

“Wha? Oh no, it's uh, just nice workin with ya is all.” Jesse looked down at his boots. Sombra grabbed a napkin and snapped a pen out of her pocket, she quickly jotted something down.

“Here's his number.” Sombra smirked as she handed him the napkin.

“Wha?” Jesse’s eyebrows rose.

“Sombra!” Hanzo exclaimed.

“What? He was going to give it to you anyway.” She winked as she tucked the napkin into his shirt pocket. “Come along Hana, there's a store next door we need to check out.” Sombra grabbed Hana’s arm.

“What? But we're in an office building lobby!” Hana exclaimed as Sombra drug her outside. Hanzo groaned, hiding his face with his hand.

“Uh here.” Jesse held out the napkin to Hanzo.

“What?” Hanzo looked at him surprised.

“I uh, think I'd preferred if you gave it to me when yer ready.” He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes, Hanzo could just make out the slightest tremble in his hand. Gently Hanzo pushed Jesse's hand back towards him.

“Well, I don't mind if you wanted to hold on to it.” Hanzo could feel himself blush.

“Really? Ya mean it?” Jesse looked at him in disbelief.

“I could very easily change my mind.” Hanzo quirked an eyebrow, but the grin that broke out on Jesse's face was almost too much to bare.

“Well alright then!” Jesse tucked the napkin back into his shirt pocket. “I uh, gotta finish my rounds, but uh, if ya wanted to work out tonight, I'll be there.” He saluted Hanzo as he walked out the door. Sombra and Hana quickly rushed back in after a few minutes.

“Oh my god!” Sombra squeeled.

“Hanzo who is that!?” Hana bounced on her toes.

“Well, I believe his name is Jesse, and he works for UPS, and the gym that Genji belongs to.” Hanzo replied.

“Which one.” Sombra asked flatly.

“Equinox, the one around the corner from his apartment.” Hanzo elaborated.

“Oh.” Hana replied eyes wide, “that means he's jacked!” She spoke excitedly.

“Is he!?” Sombra turned to Hanzo expectantly.

“Well, I have only seen him in his uniform and his workout gear, but from that, I can say yes.” He chuckled, blushing slightly. Sombra and Hana both squealed again.

“Hey! If you kids are gonna be hanging around here you better keep it down!” Jack snapped as he opened the stock room door. “And for chrissakes buy something.” He grumbled before returning to whatever he was doing. Just then Hanzo’s phone chirped.

“OMG is that Jesse!?” Hana exclaimed.

“How should I know?” Hanzo replied flatly as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, it chirped again. Sure enough there on the screen was two, now three messages from a new number.

-hey there, it's Jesse

Jesse: the UPS guy from earlier

Jesse: also personal trainer

Jesse: sorry I'm just gonna shut up now

Hanzo chuckled at his rambling texts.

Jesse: I promise I'm not this much of an idiot!

Hanzo: I'm sure you're not

“It's him isn't it?” Sombra grinned, “not even a block away and he's already texting you.” She chuckled.

“Oh hush, it's not like I have time for this right now anyway though.” Hanzo sighed as he put his phone back in his pocket.

“What are you talking about?” Sombra raised her eyebrows.

“With school and work, not to mention trying to wrangle in Genji, I don't have time for a relationship right now.” Hanzo sighed, his phone chirped two more times.

“Oh don't give me that.” Sombra groaned, “Genji is not your problem, and if I have time to do all that and have a relationship then you do too.” She scowled at Hanzo. His phone chirped again.

“Yeah you've been here for what, two years now? I haven't even heard you say you've had a crush on someone let alone be interested in them.” Hana chimed in.

“What makes either of you think I'm interested in him?” Hanzo asked, his phone chirped again.

“How about the fact that you both stared at each other for a good five minutes before you broke the silence!” Sombra exclaimed, hanzo averted his gaze, he knew she was right. His phone chirped again and Hana giggled.

“Somebody has a lot to say.” She smirked.

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

loft beds are (not) for lovers [ficlet, ii/ii]

Ben’s always wanted a loft bed. Rey has a loft bed.

(That’s it, that’s the ficlet.)

Now with a bed-breaking second chapter, because I couldn’t resist. (Still rated T though, so please don’t get your hopes up!)

Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe come say hi on Twitter or buy me a Ko-fi?

“Almost done?”

Rey spares Ben a glance over her shoulder before she returns to her contemplation of the loft bed. He’s running out of boxes to bring down to the truck, a sign of a job well done on both their parts, but that means she can no longer put this off.

“Just about,” she tells him, tilting her head as if a new angle might provide her with the elusive magical solution she’s been waiting for. “I’m not sure what to do with this. There’s no way it’s going out the door in one piece, and it’s not like anyone wants it anyway.”

She could just leave it here, but then it’d be Maz’s problem, and the sweet old lady doesn’t deserve that.

“I guess we could take it apart,” Ben suggests, as if it’s as simple as twisting free a few screws and stacking up nice, even parts.

“See, the thing is– Ben!” Rey squeals as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her to his chest, giving a half-hearted struggle to escape his iron hold. “I’m all sticky,” she points out, painfully aware of the beads of sweat trailing down her back and now soaking into his shirt.

He shrugs, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder. “I don’t mind.”

“And I’ve got dust and dirt everywhere–”

Ben silences her protest with a nip to her earlobe. “Dirty girl,” he growls teasingly, pressing a warm kiss to her neck before he turns her around and picks her up in one fell swoop. After a year of practice, Rey likes to think they’ve got this move down pat, working in sync as his hands curve under the swell of her bum while she wraps her arms and legs around him.

“We need to leave soon,” she reminds him, not surprised in the slightest by the breathy quality of her voice. The way he holds her tight, the way he looks up at her like she’s everything – she’ll never get tired of this, never fully get used to it. “And I’ve still got boxes in the kitchen–”

“I think we’ve earned a break, don’t you?” Ben says, feet carrying him forward out of sheer muscle memory before he realizes his destination no longer exists. The sofa bed they usually make use of had been the first thing to go, moved into his home office three days after he first pointed out that she barely ever spends time here anymore and wasn’t her lease up soon anyway?

Everything else had followed shortly after, moved either to his – well, their – apartment or the secondhand shop Rey had scavenged so much of her furniture from in the first place. Now all that remains is the loft bed, standing tall and proud in the gutted out shell of her former home.

Ben, determined as ever, barely falters as he pivots with her in his arms and makes for the kitchen. Rey supposes a break won’t hurt, and maybe after this she’ll finally figure out what to do with the bed–

“Wait, wait!” She unwraps her legs from around Ben’s hips, trusting him to let her down gently even as the tiniest hint of a frown forms on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Rey assures him, tugging him back towards the bed with a grin. “It’s just, since no one wants this anyway, I was thinking… it wouldn’t be a terrible waste if something were to happen to the bed.” She leans against the ladder and looks up at him with a smirk, waits until the processing look on Ben’s face transforms into something else entirely before she turns around and starts climbing up. Halfway through she twists around to look at Ben, and laughs when she finds him stepping out of his jeans as he pulls his shirt off.

“What’s the rush?”

“Figured I’d make things more convenient,” Ben shrugs before he reaches out and lightly smacks her backside. “Now up you go, sweetheart. No time to waste, right?”

Rey shakes her head at his enthusiasm and hurries up the last three rungs, filling the apartment with her laughter when Ben practically flings himself over the edge only to freeze as the bed creaks in protest.

“You really weren’t kidding about this thing collapsing, were you?”

“I mean, I’m impressed it didn’t fall to pieces when you got on the ladder,” Rey tells him as she kicks off her shorts. “When I built it I wasn’t even sure it’d hold me, let alone a hundred-and-eighty-pound gym rat–”

Ben lunges forward to hover over her. “Hey, I’m not a gym– wait, what did you just say?”

He looks a little too distracted for it to be a gag, but Rey plays along anyway. “A hundred and eighty, babe. It’s nothing to be ashamed of–”

“No, no, the part about you build–”

And that’s when the ancient bed slats choose to give out under them with a terrible, disastrous snap.

“Fucking fuck!” Ben yells as Rey lets out a startled scream, the two of them holding tight to each other as the rest of the precarious structure caves in and sends them tumbling to the ground, mattress and all. “Jesus Christ, Rey,” he says a whole minute later, the two of them still breathing hard, staring up at the ceiling they were close enough to graze just moments ago. “You made this thing?”

Rey turns to him with a frown. “Well, obviously. What did you think?”

Ben sits upright, taking her with him. “I thought it was made by an actual manufacturer!” he says, sounding just the slightest bit freaked out as he runs a hand through his hair and roughly tugs at the ends. “With a healthy fear of lawsuits and decent workmanship!”

His eyes are huge and impossibly round right now, and it’s funny, really, that’s she’s known him for more than a year yet this is the first time she’s ever seen Ben freaking out. “Hey,” Rey huffs, biting back a smile as she makes a big show of crossing her arms and pinning him down with a glare that has no real heat in it. “Are you saying my workmanship is shoddy?”

“I’m saying I think I have splinters in my ass, sweetheart,” he tells her in the driest tone possible, almost challenging her to disagree with him and defend the quality of her work.

It was never her finest piece to begin with, but like hell is she admitting that to Ben.

“Oh, poor baby,” she croons instead, shuffling closer on her knees while Ben watches her with wary eyes. “Do you want me to kiss it better?”

His lips twitch as Rey settles between his legs and loops her arms around his neck. Once, twice, and then– “If this is your way of telling me you’re into butt stuff…” Ben begins with that shit-eating grin she can never help but kiss off his face.

A year later and it still works like a charm.

Rey shakes her head and draws away, pulls Ben down onto the mattress with her. “Some other time, babe. For now, let’s do it on a loft bed while we still can.”

“Um, Rey, I think that ship sailed about five minutes ago–”

She sighs and hooks her legs around his waist, uses her feet to slide his boxers down. “There are pieces of the bed under the mattress, which means we’re still on the bed. Which means it counts, Ben.”

A beat, and then–

He grins again. “Have I ever told you you’re the smartest person I know?”

“It’s always nice to hear it again,” Rey shrugs as she pushes his boxers past his knees and nudges his hips with her own to draw his attention back to the matter at hand. “Now will you please get on with it?”

Ben jolts at the unexpected skin-to-skin contact. “Oh. Oh. Right away, ma’am, whatever you want–”

Rey shakes her head. “You’re lucky I love you too much to get rid of you,” she mutters, and swallows whatever smartass reply he might have with a kiss.

. . .

For their honeymoon, Rey books a cabin with a beautiful view, gorgeous floor-to-ceiling windows, and a huge master bedroom with a mezzanine floor for the bed, accessible only via a built-in ladder.

In other words, it’s as close to a loft bed as they’re ever going to get.

I can't believe I finally wrote a ficlet-length ficlet... only to write a second chapter that's nearly three times the length of the original piece. Clearly I was born in the wrong era, because imagine if we were still doing that whole "paid by the word" thing. Alas, here I am, a penniless millennial.

Anyway... As always, thank you for reading and I hope you liked this! Please don't hesitate to like/reblog/comment; it really does make my day. <3

[goddamnitdazai]

Aaaah, you, you person!! I hope you are doing well now after all that tumblr mean stuff ;-; I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, that sounds so terrible and I really hope you're better now!! If it's fine (Please do these only if you can/want to/are not overworked!!) Can we have Chuuya and Dazai relationship HCs for like, important 'goals'? Like, say, when-abouts, or after what event, would sleeping together (SFW) in a bed happen/be okay? Have a good day/night, Em!! Keep being wonderful!!

This is actually a really cute ask ahhhh~[Dazai]{Sleeping in the same bed all night}   •Dazai would ease into this, and only after the relationship has beenestablished would he even consider doing this. Sleeping in the same bed (withoutso much foreplay) is extremely intimate to Dazai and shows a lot of trust onhis part. He wouldn’t have it as a goal per say, but once he realized therelationship between the two of you was much more than flirtatious innuendosand secret kisses he makes it a point to spend as much time at your house orhis late into the evening so you just have to sleep over. There would be onenight where you’re just hanging out and talking late into the night when Dazaistarts to feel a bit exhausted and he doesn’t want you to leave. He’s neverspent a full night with someone unless there was heavy drinking or sexinvolved, and for the first time in a while he gets decent amount of sleep.After that it’s hard for him to sleep without you. {Moving in together}   • Dazai is extremely independent, and thoughhe doesn’t mind the company it takes him a month or two to roll over the ideaof living together in his mind. What seals the deal is when you’re gone forlonger than a day or two because of work and he really starts to miss you. Whenhe decides the time is right he plans to have you move into his place withintwo weeks of bringing up the subject. To move the process along he moves a fewof your things over to his place at random, a dresser drawer full of clothes,half your make-up, and some photos. By the time you move in half your stuff isalready there and Dazai acts oh-so-innocentabout the entire ordeal. {Getting a pet}   • A dog is a firm no, and cats leavetoo much fur around for Dazai. He suggests a fish after two hours of youpouting at each other, both unwilling to give in to the other’s demands. Dazaipoints out you both work a lot and taking care of an animal is a lot ofdedication, why not save a fish from being sushi? He lets you pick out the fishand proudly carries him around in the bag claiming he’s a new father and has toprotect his precious son. He gets drunk later that night and names the fish ‘Sashimi Jr.’ And gets very upset if youeat sashimi or any type of fish in front of Sashimi Jr. {Meeting your parents}   • Dazai avoids this certain subject aslong as he can. It’s not that he doesn’t want to meet your parents because hedoesn’t care he just doesn’t think he’ll make a good impression. His only ‘parental’figure was Mori, and what is he supposed to say to them? He can charm them surebut you’ll know that’s fake, and he’ll feel terrible for it, but who wantstheir kid dating a suicidal ex-mafia boss? He agrees after a very big fight thatleaves you crying and him stalking off to the nearest bar and waking up on thecouch the next morning with a headache and a very angry s/o.[Chuuya]{Sleep in the same bed all night}   • Chuuya has no qualms with sleepingin the same bed even after the first time you have sex,  but he’s quick to leave early in the morningthe first few times. After a couple weeks of dating Chuuya is comfortableenough in the relationship to know this isn’t just a fling. One night after a verylong and tiresome day Chuuya swings by your place with a bottle of wine for arelaxing night. His intentions at first were on the naughtier side but after aglass or two his exhaustion knocks him over like a truck and he’s tugging youinto his arms murmuring about going to bed. He sleeps in that morning with youwrapped in his arms and decides he could definitely get used to this. {Moving in together}  • In the beginning Chuuya didn’t mindthe separation considering his job was a potential deal-breaker so why botherwith the mess of moving for a fling? But, as the weeks turned into a couplemonths Chuuya grew very tired of constantly not having his things around whenhe slept at your house and he hated that you had to go home after work to get achange of clothes before coming back. Instead of asking in the traditionalfashion Chuuya left a key on the bed side table with a vase of roses and alittle note reading ‘my house is yours,if you want’.  {Getting a pet}   • Chuuya was never one for a petbecause of his work hours and being gone for weeks at a time, but he couldn’tsay no to you after you passed a little box with a tiny lonely puppy on thestreet. At first Chuuya is reluctant because a puppy means potty training, tornup furniture and shoes, and its just a mess he doesn’t want to deal with. Aftera visit to the vet for shots and a few hard weeks of Chuuya’s shoes gettingtorn to shit Chuuya ends up really loving the puppy. He names her Bellator, thelatin word for warrior thinking it’s a boy, but when he figures out he is a shehe ends up calling her Bella for short. {Meeting the parents}   • Chuuya doesn’t even think about thisuntil you ask him if you can meet Kouyou. Not that he minds you meeting Kouyouin theory, but the reality spooks him a bit solely because he’s neverintroduced Kouyou to anyone he’s dated. Not only is he pulling you further intothe Port Mafia he’s also giving Kouyou a reason to hash out all the embarrassingthings Chuuya’s done throughout his life. He reluctantly plans a dinner, but heout right refuses to meet your parents because he does not want them to becomea target. He’s already worried sick about you in the back of his mind, andadding another set of potential targets is something he won’t do. 

[margsld]

Outlander Epi 3.05 Recap

Freedom & Whisky are my kind of Saturday night

All that was good, all that was fair, all that was me is gone. Gone to grab a big box of tissues.  Be right back. 

Without a doubt, I feel the execution of this episode was complete perfection.  Written by the genius that is Toni Graphia, she leads us willingly on the journey with Claire, as she makes the biggest decision of her life.  Enjoy!

Boston, December 1968.  Squeamish people needed to be putting the kids to bed at this point as Joe and Claire battle like the surgical gods they are, to save  some poor lady from an early grave.  Nasty necrosis (dead tissue). 

Bree's teacher is being poetic about Paul Revere which should have the students transfixed, right? *cough Bree looks bored out of her tiny mind.  She's doodling gothic archways which is totally believable right? I mean forget hearts with "I Love Plaid"  or " BR + RW 4Eva" no, Bree is all about the arches. As they break for Christmas, Professor Nosey pulls Bree aside and wants to know why she's suddenly flunking her grades.  Bree is typically reluctant to spill the beans and even after he drops the old " your Dad told me to keep an eye on you creepy sentiment" Bree remains schtumm. Go Bree!

Bree is missing Frank.  Word! We all miss that chocolate voiced, vision of turtle-necked creases too, Hen.  His chair, his pipe, the pictures of him with baby Bree pulls on the heartstrings like a marionette puppet doing Zumba.

Claire is also reminiscing about her husband, no not Frank, the other one, the hot Scot.  Joe, who has a radar for all things Claire, asks her 'sup'?  She confesses she had a Highland Fling but fate stepped in.  Joe states "F*ck fate" as he senses there is more to this juicy story & hopes Claire's willing to dish but her shift is over ie she really doesn't want to talk about it.  Yet.

Roger, on the quest of intercontinental pastry research, turns up at Claire & Bree's house unannounced.  No time for biscuits Roger, Bree is wanting to move out and leave Harvard.  Caught in the crossfire, Roger watches on as Bree yells at her Mum that she just needs a break.  She's not the same person as she was before Scotland and needs time to deal with it. Check under her bed for fronds of Heather, plaid stockpiles and empty Whisky bottles Claire!! 

Claire ignores the glaring warning signs and just starts drinking away her fears.  She insists Roger stays and they bond over more beverages.  Roger is great. He's Claire's puppy- loyal, friendly and always turning up with a bone.  That said, Roger is really an historian and took it upon himself to keep looking for Jamie, when Claire & Bree left Scotland (I'm sure the idea of winning Bree's exclusivity never crossed his mind *cough) .  Anyway, Gingo! He found him.  Turns out Mr Fraser aka Claire's baby daddy was still alive and was operating a printshop in Edinburgh. 

Claire didn't exactly jump for joy at the news and I'm sure Roger was suddenly wondering if Fiona was baking.  She makes a mean chocolate chip bikky. Plus, he'd have a saner life than with these Randall cray crays.  In the end though, Claire didn't think she could up & leave Bree, especially now she was exhibiting serious mental instability.  She forbade further discussion about his findings.

Back at the hospital Joe is decorating his office for Halloween which is a bit late as it's now Christmas, silly.  His desk is a display of bones his anthropologist mate sent him, to give an opinion on possible cause of death.  Claire picks up the skull and shudders.  She 'feels' the bones belong to a 150 year old murder victim.  Joe says the 200 year old bones were found in a cave in the Caribbean and somebody tried to 'cut her head clean off'.  What was most intriguing was the bones were from a white lady. *storing that for later episodes.

Joe's also keen to hear more about Lady Jane's hot Scottish fling, the pervert.   Claire finally confesses said Scot is Bree's real father and Bree had just found out.  Joe stupidly asks if she still loves him (Duh!) and Claire says she never stopped (Double Duh!).  As Joe has watched her live like a nun for 15 years then she should get back on the horse or under that kilt, quick smart.

Boston TV has sucked Roger in and when Bree pops by, he's engrossed.  She apologises for being a cow and he lets it slide.  He's a simple lad who came for an Amercian Christmas.  You know with those well known American traditions at Christmas like lobster rolls and Boston cream pies.  Bree must think he's getting fat though as she just offers him a drink and a walk around Harvard.

At Harvard, Bree is fascinated with the architecture again and Roger tries to help her deal with dead and/or unknown fathers just like he did. Bree is obviously not a fan of any kind of history now and wants a better grasp of just the plain facts, so she can know who she really is.

While at Harvard, they attend a Fellowship ceremony in Frank's honour. Claire, Bree & Roger turn up for the snazzy company & biscuits.  At Harvard, Frank was known for his research in the field of European Studies, in particular the rise and fall of European dynasties in the early modern period thus cementing him as a leading historian on both sides of the Atlantic. Interesting indeed.  What did Frank really know? Hmmm?  He better have left some notes!

Claire is unwittingly introduced to Sandy, Candy or Mandy (Frank's mistress) who takes the opportunity to have a pissing competition with Claire.  She also has a go at Claire for not letting Frank go, so she and Frank could have been happy.  SCMandy has a good point.  Instead, Claire forced them all to live a lie for 20 years.  We'd give anything to have just one more scene with the big lug too, SCMandy (insert group hug) *sob

Bree knows about SCMandy too and makes Claire face the truth.  Claire confesses he loved the hoor and was going to get hitched to her.  Bree being the child she is, thinks it's all about her.  Claire sets her straight though and said Frank idolised her, as did she.  So snap out of the pity-party, you little ginger nut.

Claire decides to take that opportunity to show Bree the bone/printing article that Roger found.  Bree seems thrilled with the news and says Claire should go to Jamie now.  Claire says she can't leave Bree, she's needed.  No!  Bree's wearing her big girl panties now, so off you shoo Claire, get those cobwebs cleared.

Claire still mulls it over and after seeing the Moon landing, discusses the possibility of going through the stones and what that would mean to both her and Bree. Bree knows it won't be easy without Claire and in discovering more about herself, wants Claire to go and tell Jamie everything.  Claire gave Jamie up for Bree and now Bree wants to give him back to Claire.  Whew.  Cancel the white truck & straight jacket.  Bree will be ok. Yayyy!

Claire, now resigned to leaving Bree & like any woman who faces meeting her first love after 20 years apart, wants to know if she still puts the Sass in Sassenach.   She asks her BFF Joe if he thinks she's still sexually attractive. He happily declares that "for a skinny white broad, with too much hair and a nice arse, Jamie will be in heaven". #AlwaysTakeAJoe

Preparations for Claire's departure soon take precedence and lucky it's Christmas.  Claire now has ye olde coins for Edinburgh, a book on Scottish history and a topaz necklace to help her on her way.  She's also pilfered scalpels and penicillin from the Hospital because 18th century hygiene. 

With so much stuff to carry, Claire gets out her trusty Singer for a sewing fest.  She's a practical Dr McGyver and remembers all too well how shitty weather was back then. Roger points out she needs a utility belt like Batman's.  They cleverly roll the Batman theme tune here (flashback to my childhood) as Claire is creating her super, weather-proofed, highland frock that would make RM Williams envious (inventor of the Drizabone).  No bumroll needed, it looks like she could carry the kitchen sink in there.  BAT-MAAAAN! 

Oprah would have been proud of the mini makeover Claire gives herself and with a quick home dye job she's ready to leap at some rocks!  Bree and Roger give her the green light and admire the bat suit.  Claire is still being twitchy about it but Bree says Jamie will love it.  Claire doesn't escape taking one last white item, a shirt of Bree's.  Lucky she's only borrowing it Bree! *she'll never see that again.

Not being a completely horrid parent, Claire hands over the house deed and bank accounts to Bree.  She decides to go to Scotland on her own so that her trip through the stones is peaceful.  If Bree was with her, she'd never go.  Bree tells Claire to give Jamie a kiss from her.  As a final gesture, Claire gives Bree the Scottish pearls that she got from Jamie on their wedding night. They give a final toast to Freedom & Whisky.  Slainte!

Claire struggles to the taxi, hesistating and taking one last look back at Bree and Roger in the window.  *pass the tissues please

Bree seeks comfort with Roger and he's glad he made the trip.  She goes to the kitchen to gather her composure and returns with a Santa hat on, a Christmassy smile and some treats for Roger.  In return he gives her A Christmas Carol novel.  They share a kiss. Awwwww!

Claire's journey through the stones is not shown in this episode which is fine as the next five minutes of tv was everything we book fans had been waiting a vera long time for.  She arrives by metaphor, stepping into a puddle (an opening into a fathomless space aka the great unknown) as she exits the stage coach from Inverness in downtown, thriving Edinburgh. 

After asking a local for directions to the Printshop, where Jamie was hopefully working, Claire heads to Carfax Close.  Her hesitation is palpable.  What if he's not there?  What if it's not him?  She spots the Print shop sign and is visibly relieved at the sight of it.  It's beginning to look a lot like Gingermas!

Making her way up the stairs as if they are about to collapse, she pauses at the front door.  We are all shouting "Get in there before we burst" and she moves forward.  (I held my breath at this point.)  Inside the shop, the doorbell warns of her entrance.  A big, Scottish, man-voice pipes up from the back room "Is that you, Geordie?".  Claire instantly recognises the dulcet tones of a Fraser and heads to the workroom window.  Down below, we see Jamie examining some printing, rabbiting to himself/Geordie.  Meanwhile, Claire is trying not to self-combust with Squeee. She manages to squeak out "It isn't Geordie, it's me..... Claire" as Jamie slowly turns in disbelief.  Eye contact!  We have eye contact!  Claire is grinning/crying happy tears.  We, the audience are sobbing with utter delight (yes, read the books, wait many years and then watch this episode).  Jamie grabs the table for support and fails.  Fainting to the floor like a wet rag soaked in whisky. 

The End.  PS We have to wait for two whole weeks for the next episode. 

Send Whisky!