#i miss my fic ok i wanted to expand on it a little 🥺

[tsukidrama]

to my darling j anon:

(putting this under a readmore because it's emotional and sappy and i'm embarrassed) 😩

first of all i am so sorry to leave you hanging for a few days. i just really needed time to make sure this response is good enough, and sometimes i have to do this thing where i go through all 5 stages of grief before i can put my feelings into words properly.

thank you so incredibly much for your birthday message. seriously, thank you. your message made me full-on cry when i read it, happy and sad tears. you're so amazing and so sweet to me. i really hope you know how important you've become to me over these past few months.

the fact that you remember so many things that i've said about her in the past 🥺 like the fact that she's a thoughtful gift-giver. i completely agree about the cake -- she could absolutely NOT do it on her own. small tangent but i can't stop imagining Annie going to her dad for help since at least in TRNT he's the only one there to ask, and he says yes because he wants to spend time with her. but he does NOT know what he's doing either. i don't think the cake would even make it into the oven. they give up after neither of them can figure out how to crack an egg without getting shell in the batter. Annie goes to buy a cake from a bakery instead.

the second half is where i start getting mad emotional - i know it's not that deep and i'm probably being dramatic (url :/ it's part of the package). but i'm crushed that you said you're leaving. i understand, i really do. tumblr can be overwhelming sometimes and completely dead at others. and then the attack on titan fandom all around fucking SUCKS -- there's a reason i detach and stay in my own little world. but i guess i keep thinking about how there are some people i really miss having in my life that i don't talk to anymore or who have died and how much i wished i could've spent my birthday with them, and i know you're still gonna check ao3 but i'm gonna miss being your friend so much 😣 you're leaving a massive j-shaped hole in my heart.

you're a little bit of a sneaky one too, like i genuinely have no clue who you are. sometimes when i get an anonymous message, there'll be a string of likes right next to the ask and i'll be like 'hmmm interesting coincidence' but i genuinely truly don't have a clue who you are? if i could figure out who you are i would've already sent you a private message.

i don't want to ask you to come off anon since i don't know your reasons for being anonymous in the first place, and if you're not comfortable then i'll never bring it up again. but i think i'd really regret not telling you how much i'll miss you and how much happiness you brought me.

your interest in the road not taken is one of the reasons that i've kept up with it. i love the story so much but i got really depressed last fall / winter and there were several times that i wanted to abandon the fic since it was such a heavy task. having somebody message me about trnt on a regular basis gave me so much, more than i can ever properly put into words. as the story expanded it has picked up more of a following but i wouldn't have gotten here if it wasn't for you.

you cared about the books they were reading and the awkward Papa interactions and the little things from the start. you asked questions nobody else besides my wife did. and having a friend who understands what i'm trying to do thematically that also cares about me as an author AND a person is so rare. you did so much for me j anon 😥 you helped me out of one of the darkest moments of my life and i don't think you know even know how much you mean to me. i should've said it more often because now i'm worried it's too late

i love you ok? i wish you the best in your life and i'll be manifesting good vibes to be sent your way. enjoy our girl in color and motion a little extra hard for me this sunday. and if this is goodbye for now, then please come back to me someday. you'll be missed. so much

[quelsentiment]

EEEEE ok this is so random but i have to tell u so like i was kinda unsure about reading zouis fics cuz romantically i don’t see them and i’m a ziam yk but i just finished ur driver’s license one and holy fuck it was so good like spectacular truly and now i’m like ???? a whole world of fics has just opened up to me sjdks. so what i’m trying to say is i’m gonna read all ur zouis fics heehee and i’m very excited about it!!!! will leave comments on all of them obviously so u will see me go thru them :-) thank u for writing them 🥺 i imagine it might be tough since it’s a less popular ship but ur writing is so wonderful so i really appreciate you for going thru with them 🤍🤍🤍

hiii 🤍 thank you so much 🥺

omg let me tell you, i feel you, because at first i was only reading/writing larry fics (and occasionally ziam) because i was like well i’m a larrie (and a ziam? lol who knows, i just like them a lot). so idk i guess i was a little weary about reading/writing other pairings. but then i realized two of the characters i like writing about the most are louis and zayn, as well as their relationship, and it’s been that way since my first fic, even before i really knew that much about their whole journey irl. so idk, one day i was writing a larry fic with very strong zouis feels and my beta was like.... i think you need to write a zouis fic and get it out of your system. which i did, but i ended up liking it so much that there’s no going back now lmao

but anyway my point is, i’m just trying to completely separate what i read/write in fics from my beliefs about the irl people. like, i don’t actually ship zouis romantically, i just love them and what they had as friends, just like i love lilo and their relationship (i might end up writing a romantic lilo fic one day, won’t mean i actually ship them lol). and i don’t ship ziall romantically at all, but i LOVED cami’s ziall fic, because she wrote the characters in a way that made me root for them and their relationship. and it’s interesting to switch gears and explore others POVs and dynamics sometimes.

i understand some people (especially in the larry side of the fandom) don’t want to read stuff that doesn’t fit their beliefs, though, and that’s okay 😌 like, one person who’s a larrie read my previous zouis fic and was like “oops, i did something bad” in the tags, and tbh, even if they were joking, it makes me a little sad that some people might feel “guilty” about expanding their horizons, you know? i just wish more people would give less popular pairings a chance, because they're missing out on a lot of amazing fics

tl;dr: it’s all fiction anyway, reading a different pairing won’t make you less of a larrie/ziam (imo)

[partiallyobscure]

otp questions from this post <3 I just went ahead and did them with David and Michael lmao. it’s mostly my usual headcanons with my fic as the backstory but you don’t necessarily need to read it to understand. cw for light nsfw but it’s mostly tame.

Who is the most affectionate?

David is disgustingly affectionate. he lives to make people uncomfortable so he would be the absolute worst perpetrator of PDA. he and Michael have gotten kicked out of too many establishments all because David is constantly letting his hands wander. I don’t even think he’s aware of it at this point lmao

Big spoon/Little spoon?

they bicker about it a lot, but usually in bed, David ends up being the little spoon. he tries to start off being the big spoon but he always wakes up with Michael’s arms around his chest, specifically covering where the holes from the antlers were, even though the scars are long gone by now.

Most common argument?

usually comes down to who/what/where to eat.

Favorite non-sexual activity?

they love doing tons of stuff together, but they really like racing, watching bad sci-fi movies, and going on haunted tours around the country. they’ll really go the extra mile for the ghost tours and get huge cameras to hang around their neck and everything and act all tourist-y. it’s a great time.

Who is most likely to carry the other?

David fusses but Michael carries him around when he can or requests it. he doesn’t like to do it too often though because it always reminds him of that first time he did so, thinking he was carrying David’s dead body in his arms.

What is their favorite feature of their partner's?

Michael’s favorite feature is David’s mouth, especially when it quirks up into his signature smirk, but he can also tell a lot about what David’s feeling from what he’s doing with his mouth. David hates that Michael can read him so easily (even with their shared mental connection) and asks how the fuck he’s able to do that, and Michael always gives an enigmatic smile and swipes his thumb across David’s lips.

David’s favorite is Michael’s eyes. he could lose a whole night just staring into them. he can’t quite place the color, but they remind him of how the sky would look at noon and he gets a rush of nostalgia every time Michael looks at him. whenever they light up like when they’re with Michael’s family or when he’s talking about the coolest bike that he saw in town that day is David’s absolute favorite. and when only his eyes turn amber, before the rest of his face follows to match David’s, David falls a little bit more in love every time.

What's the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

not much changed on David’s end since he was attracted to Michael at first sight. he couldn’t let it show though so he just found excuses to touch Michael whenever he could, passing him the joint and their fingers brushing when Michael took the bottle and catching him when they fell off the bridge.

when Michael realized he started to share those feelings, he was confused at first considering everything that happened between them. he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hit David or hit on David when they first met, so those feelings simmered a bit until he could get to know David beyond their history. he doesn’t fully admit it until he realizes he’s the one David is pursuing and he has the ego boost from this combined with knowing there’s more to David than what he allows people to see.

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

David likes how Michael’s name sounds too much to give him a nickname, but will sometimes hit him with a ‘babe’ just to see him flustered. Michael calls him Davey just to make him mad but especially in public.

Who worries the most?

Michael since he still can’t seem to shake the fact that he doesn’t need to worry anymore about human dangers. he still flinches and looks twice before pulling onto the highway and all. but mostly he still worries about his family and their perception of him and whether or not they see him as a bad person, despite their love and support. and of course, he worries about how he’ll be when the day comes that he gets older than them.

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

David knows Michael’s order all too well and specifically chooses restaurants that have at least fifteen kinds of burgers to choose from.

Michael swears David is making stuff up at this point whenever they go to a sushi place or a Thai place and he chooses something new to try every time. he knows David’s bubble tea order by heart, though.

Who tops?

Michael, but they’ll switch whenever David has had enough of Michael being too gentle with him.

Who initiates kisses?

David, but he’ll usually give Michael a look when he wants a kiss and Michael is happy to oblige. otherwise, since David likes gross PDA, he usually steals a kiss whenever he can.

Who reaches for the other's hand first?

David and it’s usually because he has to pull Michael along after he gets lost in his thoughts, more often than not after they feed.

Who kisses the hardest?

Michael. David nipped at his bottom lip once and that’s all it took for his fangs to come out and sometimes, it gets a little bloody.

Who wakes up first?

Michael. he has to practically drag David out of bed most nights because he’s too comfortable.

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

David as stated above lmao. who knows how long dude was batting it up before he could sleep in a bed again.

Who says I love you first?

Michael and it was out of frustration.

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

there’s no one to tell at first since they were keeping it secret, but Star finds out first and is initially upset, mostly about being lied to. grandpa eventually finds out next and then Sam stumbled across them by accident, so...both of them technically spill the beans together each time lmao

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Lucy is supportive and likes David a lot. she knows she should probably resent him for turning Michael, but he really seems like a boy who was in a bad scenario and is making due with what happened to him. she also knows Michael has been a good influence on him and trusts the two of them are doing what they need to to survive. her and David bond over shit talking Max and the best kind of wines.

Sam was understandably skeptical at first, but he and David came to an understanding and they’re cool now. they bond over music and David eventually comes around to really enjoying board games because of Sam, mostly because he wins every single game. Sam even refers to him as his brother-in-law.

Star took longer to come around but she mostly listens whenever Sam tells her what they’re up to. she’s also mostly relieved that she dodged both of those bullets and can live her own life how she wants to now, grateful that the boys gave her an escape and that Michael helped get her human life back.

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

both of them suck at dancing, but Michael will spin David every now and then when a cheesy slow song comes on, or Careless Whispers and they both crack up.

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

when they’re back spending time with Michael’s family, David is usually the one helping Lucy in the kitchen. he’s chided Michael before about joining in, especially with the big holiday dinners but Michael is always there to lick whatever spoons and bowls clean when they make dessert.

they vow to take a cooking class or two while they’re out on the road but never do.

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Michael. he usually gets them from Sam.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during inappropriate times?

David, 100%. inappropriate times being at all times because of the whole telepathy thing.

Who needs more assurance?

David, that Michael still wants to be with him and doesn’t resent him for turning him. but also Michael that he isn’t a monster and that he’s only doing what he needs to to survive.

What would be their theme song?

SOOOO MANY but just from my drive to work today: Possum Kingdom by the Toadies fits TOO well. Michael by Franz Ferdinand too obviously. I’m curating a playlist for them here at the moment if anyone’s interested lmao

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

please don’t give these two a child

What do they do when they're away from each other?

they’re not usually too far from each other but David gets a little mopey until he can see Michael again. he’s protective so he doesn’t let Michael too far out of his sight. Michael feels a little part of himself missing when David’s not with him, so he’ll do whatever he needs to do quickly or just take David along with him.

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart:

despite all the time David has had to mourn and grieve, he still misses the other boys every day and sometimes it gets really painful. his only regret in life is not easing Michael into the vampire thing more before turning him, but he was under a time constraint from Max so he didn’t have much of a choice. they still get into shouting matches very rarely about whether or not Michael was the catalyst for the other three’s deaths and David’s very deep, hidden fear is that he’ll never learn how to accept it and one day, his emotions will take him too far and Michael will get sick of his guilt trips.

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it:

Michael does blame himself for David’s grief, because how could he not. he feels like the constant source of David’s sorrow when it comes to the boys but also his ecstatic love and it pulls him in two directions. he listens intently whenever David tells him about his past and his time with the boys and asks what they’d say or do if they were there with them right now, and it continues into the modern era. Michael asks what kind of blog Paul would have (music reviews and fashion), what Marko would name his Instagram account for bird photography (vampigeons), and how many followers Dwayne would get on tiktok for posting thirst traps. David knows Michael cares and is trying to keep the spirit of the lost boys alive.