#i miss them so much or2

[surreal-duck]

like a frightened, moody cat

[masterwords]

Like Falling Sand

Chapter One: The Way We Act Out

Notes: Here we go! Diving in to this slow burn at the end of Mayhem to set the stage for the pain (and sweetness) to come as we go from friends to more. I don't really have a better summary than that, just...friends to lovers? With a lot of road blocks and stumbles along the way. I'll have a landing page/master list for this bad boy by the time Chapter Two is ready to rock. Right now I plan to get one chapter a week up, instead of one a day like I did with the prison AU. I'll still post some one-shots in between, too. (Side note: Yes, this is like the 4th time I've re-written the ending of Mayhem...it's different every time, so just...deal with it? It probably isn't even the last time. I'm clearly obsessed with that one so. SO.)

Warnings: Nothing too intense to begin with. There is blood and some vomit in this one, follows canon to some degree as far as Lo-Fi/Mayhem, minor character death. Overall pretty tame for my writing, but as always, if you want me to tag something I'd be glad to.

Tag List: @disgruntledchowchow @84hotpockets (if you want to be added reply/ask/somehow let me know and I'd be happy to add you)

Words: 3239

“Agent Hotchner?���

The room convulsed around him, walls bowing, closing in. Blood on the floor like the remnants of a tidal wave crashing against the shore leaving only debris and waste in its wake. His ears weren't ringing, not yet, they just hurt. No, they burned. From the singed tips to the fire trickling down his throat, seizing his jaw in its molten grip, they burned. The taste of vomit was thick in his mouth, stomach swirling, still threatening a second round. It was coming fast, like the first had, without warning or a chance to do much more than drop to his knees and be taken by it. He swallowed and did not hear the doctor behind him calling for him from the doorway of OR2.

“Agent Hotchner? You can't be in here, sir, the OR is for authorized personnel only,” the doctor repeated, this time approaching the disheveled Federal Agent. Aaron turned around, cocked his head to the side as if milling over the scattered words bouncing around him and stilled himself for a minute before responding.

“She woke up,” he whispered. “In the ambulance. She said my name.” It meant nothing, he knew that and yet it spilled over. “I thought for sure...”

“She had already lost a lot of blood,” the doctor replied coolly. He wasn't trying to get Aaron out of the room for the moment, the powerful shadow of grief that swept his features stopped him in his tracks. There were no other patients, another minute wouldn't hurt. “Her injuries were too severe. Which is why I'm of the opinion you need to finish being checked out yourself, Agent. You were beside her in the blast, I saw the footage on the news. Please let us help you.”

Aaron bristled, the sweet sadness gone from his features. Steely resolve replaced any hint of that earlier softness. “No, I'm fine, thank you doctor,” he muttered, clutching his jacket to his aching chest. “I've got to go.” The second round of sick clawed at his insides, twisting and ripping at him but he remained cool, walked at a purposeful clip, features stone. He glanced up at the neon signs screaming EMERGENCY EXIT and STAFF ONLY, sending out a desperate plea to find one that would lead him to a toilet.

He was losing what little was left of his dignity into a trashcan in an emergency exit stairwell when Derek returned from the ambulance to find his team had dissipated, gone back to Federal Plaza to tie up loose ends for the night. He allowed himself to be checked out, his shoulder and ribs needed a look and unlike Aaron, he was more than willing to take the help when he could get it. The shot they gave him provided almost immediate relief, and while he didn't listen to what it was, he thanked them profusely.

“You just missed Agent Hotchner,” the doctor said, handing Derek a stack of papers a half inch thick. “Some of these are his discharge papers. Your name is in his file, I'm giving them to you with the recommendation that he be seen by his primary physician once you all are home. He refused to let us give him a full check but what we did find would be concerning injuries for a man with a job like his.”

“Sounds about right,” Derek huffed. “That's Hotch.”

Only the faint glow of the television lit Aaron's room while he showered. A force of habit, turning on the television just loud enough that anyone at the door might think he was occupied, not disturb him. The water washed over him, taking with it bits of road debris and shrapnel from his chest and stomach he hadn't let the hospital get to. He stood with tweezers and a rag, tugging and wiping, gritting his teeth until he was lightheaded and had to pause his efforts. He stood in a daze, waiting for it to pass, staring hard at the singed hairs on the backs of his hands, the small planes of blistered skin at his wrists. His back ached, muscles crying out for rest he wouldn't give them until he'd cleaned what he could. Using the rag, he scraped at his back, everywhere he could reach, debriding wounds, watching as tiny bits of asphalt washed down the drain. His stomach flipped, bile rose into his throat and he was down on his knees dry heaving into the drain while the water scalded open wounds on his back.

He'd just settled into the warmth of his blankets and closed his eyes when he heard the knock. It was faint, almost enough that he thought he'd dreamed it and lifted his head from the pillow to listen for it again. There was blood on his pillow, still wet and sticky from his ear but the pressure had felt good enough that he ignored it. The second time it was louder, and he heard Derek's voice follow it, muffled by the thickness of the door. Answering the door was low on his list of things he wanted to do, but he found himself grunting and hauling himself out of bed, limping toward the imposition.

“Morgan?” he asked, glancing at the clock and back at the man in the doorway with the icepack on his shoulder. He extended a bag of ice to Aaron, a peace offering perhaps, and though it was the last thing he wanted, Aaron accepted it. Derek noticed the blood dried against Aaron's cheek but made no comment. There was nothing good that would come of it.

“Was on my way to get some ice and thought you might benefit from my trip too. Rough night, huh?”

Aaron could see what he was doing. He never had been very slick when it came to these sorts of things, Derek wasn't good at hiding, didn't like secrets. Privacy and secrets were different, to him, and where he drew the line Aaron never had figured out. He thanked Derek for the ice and considered his options for a moment before inviting the other man to enter his room, limping over toward the bed and setting the ice down on his sore, swollen knee. Where there had been shrapnel, pulled and cleaned by the hospital, now only a mess of bruised and swollen flesh, warm to the touch and almost unbending remained. He'd tossed back a handful of ibuprofen and hoped for relief just before getting into his bed. Each minute that ticked passed that he was awake multiplied his discomfort.

“I didn't wanna bug you,” Derek said softly, leaning just inside the doorway, ready to make a quick getaway. “But I uh...I just...how is Agent Joyner?” Instant regret twisted inside of him when he saw the quick, honest reaction in Aaron's eyes, he could hide it in his features but he couldn't do anything for those eyes. They were his tell, his giveaway. One of them anyway. Derek had figured it out long ago, held the secret near to him, didn't think even Aaron needed to know just how easy it was to read him if you only looked in the right place. Genuine emotion flooded his amber eyes, he was powerless to stop it or hide it with that heavy scowl. If his hands didn't hurt so bad, he would be fidgeting too but the ice pack felt too good against his swollen palms, the scraped and bruised knuckles.

“She didn't make it,” he replied softly, voice breaking just barely at the last second. Trying to say more, explain, he only floundered and Derek could see how very precarious the situation was. One misstep and he would crumble. It was the last thing he wanted.

“I'm sorry, man,” he said, forcing Aaron to stop trying to find more words. “I know you two were close. If I can do anything, let me know.” Aaron began to protest, they weren't that close, not the way everyone seemed to have thought. Assumed. It hurt him to be looked at that way by his team, people who should have respected him, known he would never have done anything they were implying. Kate was a colleague and he respected her greatly, and sure she was beautiful and she did look like Haley, he wasn't an idiot, he saw it too. Seeing her, he knew he'd been a little blinded, but it wasn't her, it was Haley, he just kept seeing Haley finally smiling at him again and had to stop and blink the illusion away. Embarrassing, that's all it was, he was acting pitiful and it was humiliating, like a mermaid's siren song luring him to his watery grave. He cursed his pathetic, lonely heart for being so stupid. He'd so desperately wanted to protect her, to save her job, to have his team impress her with their unmatched skill and he'd failed her, ruined it all. If only he'd let her drive, she'd asked for the keys, it was her town and her SUV. If only, then it would have been her sitting and icing a sore knee and him lying on a slab in a pool of blood under harsh fluorescent lights.

“Thank you,” was what he came up with, and Derek accepted it without further inquisition.

“Early flight back, get some rest,” Derek said after a long stretch of silence. Aaron shook his head, adjusting the melting ice against his leg.

“My ears,” he replied. “Strauss set up a ride back to Quantico for me, I can't fly.”

Derek hummed, nodding in response. He should have figured that much, he'd read the discharge papers but there was some part of him that doubted whether Aaron would follow the orders or just ignore it altogether. He was somewhat surprised to find his friend doing what a doctor had said, supposed it had more to do with Strauss than anything. Between them, an entire conversation loomed, anger and betrayal all bottled up, dangerously close to its breaking point while they sat silently sharing in one another's presence. Their once strong bond was fragile now, hanging precariously in the balance somewhere between grief and resentment and try as Derek might he couldn't figure out the right words to say to start.

Aaron wasn't even looking for them. Not yet. He let Derek leave with a quiet goodnight, and he went to sleep with the bag of ice melting on the floor beside his bed, leaving behind a pool of wet in the lush carpet for him to step into upon waking.

Opening the SUV door was more of a challenge that he had anticipated. Derek was in the driver's seat waiting and Aaron stood, staring, willing his hand to take the cool metal in its grip and pull it open. Beads of cold sweat gathered in his hair line, not good he thought. Not good at all. He had counted on a day of pain, of sitting in a car and wishing he was anywhere else, but he hadn't counted on Derek and he hadn't counted on that door handle.

Little things besting him.

“Hotch?” Derek called, leaning over and popping the door open from the inside. Aaron flinched as it clicked and swung open, smacking him in the thighs gently before he could move out of its path. He caught it on the return swing, before it shut again and climbed inside without a word. Anyone else and they would be pestering him already – are you okay? What's wrong? Can I help? But not Derek, he just watched Aaron settle himself into the leather seat and drove as soon as he was buckled in. Derek meant all of those things, was just as concerned as anyone else would have been but his delivery was always different, he was so adept at reading Aaron's signs, knowing when to push and when to back off. The road was crammed with cars, a sea of colors and people, horns honking and engines roaring, the train rumbling beneath them, the blue sky open above them waiting to welcome them to the open road if only they could get so far. They crossed bridges, slowly crawling out of the city that had terrorized them, was glad to see them go.

“Did you talk to Sean while you were here?” Derek asked, filling the quiet void with small talk as they crept slowly across the last bridge to freedom. He knew the answer but it was a safe topic, neutral zone. Sean existed between them, tethered between buddy and brother, one more thread that kept them bound together when they did everything in their power to sever the ties. There was always Sean.

“No,” Aaron replied, shaking his head. “I thought about it but I wouldn't have had time to see him so what would be the point? Did you?” Like Derek, Aaron already knew the answer before he asked as well.

“Yeah, we talked a bit. He bought me a bagel at the train station the other day. He's doing good, the restaurant is busy I guess. They're talking about promoting him from line cook to sous chef.” He left it there, hanging between them. Aaron felt like a terrible brother, but to be fair, Sean hadn't bothered getting in touch with him either so he figured they were both just about the same level of shitty. Derek was the only thing that bound them at the best of times. The corners of his mouth twitched, forced a half smile and he said he was happy for Sean, he'd try calling him later, apologizing for not getting in touch. Busy, you know how it goes he'd say and Sean would know what he meant. He'd say the same. Maybe next time you're up this way, huh bro? Absolutely, we'll do lunch.

Silence as the road stretched out before them, bursts of beautiful green and gold and bright, bright blue. The colors hurt Aaron's eyes, made his head pound like a jackhammer. His ears lit up the sides of his face, lava burning through him every time he swallowed. Time jumped between being unable to hear anything at all to his ears ringing mercilessly, upsetting his stomach along the way with the back and forth.

“You good?” Derek would ask every ten or fifteen miles as they made their way south, passed rest stops and gas stations. Miles of nothing and then up jumped cityscapes, back to trees and open road. They stopped for gas, Derek grabbed snacks, Aaron got out only to use the bathroom and stretch his legs once. The thought of moving, of getting up, of walking was too much. Derek popped his door open for him on the way back to his own, just like it was already second nature. It would have been insulting, knowing that Derek was having to look after him already, as if getting a ride back because he wasn't capable of it on his own wasn't bad enough but he'd been dreading opening the door again from the moment he heard it close behind him and there was a flood of relief that came when he didn't have to do it. He closed his eyes when Derek's hands closed on the handle, saw the explosion, felt the flames licking at his skin but when he opened his eyes everything was in tact and Derek was safe.

“You got plans for the weekend?” Derek asked as they passed over the county line, almost home. Aaron swallowed thickly, the ringing starting again. It ricocheted through his skull, made his stomach flip. He was starting to be able to time it to the elevation changes, speed limits going from slow in towns to fast on the highways but frustrated by the complete inability to manage or control the pain that followed.

“Haley is dropping Jack off tonight,” he replied softly in a voice that didn't hurt his ears. “She has to work this weekend.”

“Did you tell her what happened?”

There was a pause, a telling pause. Aaron stared out the window, avoiding Derek entirely as he mulled over the answer carefully. “No,” he said finally. Adding “It's fine," as if that would smooth it all over, as if Derek believed it for one second.

“Fine? Hotch, you were in an explosion last night. A real one, and you're,” he started but Aaron turned, narrowed his eyes and put a stop to it quickly. Derek was upset, his frustration once tied up so neatly now aroused and bubbling over.

“Your concern is appreciated, but it's not up for debate,” he snapped. “I can handle it.” The conversation was over as quickly as it began. There were times Derek knew he would get away with another push or two and other times he knew he was dangerously close to ignition. In this case, he chewed his lip angrily and watched the road signs pass by until he found himself parked in a loading zone outside of Aaron's apartment. He jumped out, grabbed the other man's bag and handed it to him with a quick round of forced pleasantries before heading back toward Quantico to exchange the SUV for his own vehicle. He breathed a sigh of relief when Aaron was out of the car, knowing he was going to spend his weekend worried about his friend but not having to deal with the storm of doing it in front of his face.

Haley wasn't so kind when she dropped Jack off.

“Jesus, Aaron, what happened to you?” she asked, carrying Jack into the apartment with his bag of clothes and toys. She narrowed her eyes, looked him up and down and considered turning around, leaving with Jack in hand. This wasn't her first rodeo, she knew what kind of trouble he was capable of getting himself into. He explained as little as he thought he could get away with, glossed over collapsing in the hospital and Kate dying, told her he was alright and began gearing the conversation toward her, how she was liking her new job, how Jack was doing in school, anything to stop talking about New York. It worked as well as he'd hoped and he got her out of there quickly, she didn't have time to chat, she had to get to work. “Call me if you need anything,” she said as she breezed out of there and he shut the door behind her, turning to look at Jack who was already tearing out books and throwing the pillows off of the couch. Limping toward the kitchen, Aaron grabbed a package of pop-tarts from the brand new box in the cupboard and made Jack a peace offering – ten minutes of quiet for two whole pop-tarts, a treat he almost never got. Just ten minutes of complete quiet while he waited out the storm in his head and then they would put on their jackets and spend some time at the park down the street. He figured he could handle that much, and if Jack could just tire himself out going up and down the slide he'd be able to pull off an early bed time.

It was a lofty goal, he realized, but Jack ate his pop-tart gratefully while spilling crumbs all over the carpet and Aaron sat on the couch with his head in his hands waiting for a break.

Next Chapter ->

[rollinscarisi]

Lost and Found

This is from a prompt someone sent to @omeliafics which it basically said that Amelia secretively wears Owen’s ring on a necklace but ends up losing it after a surgery and Owen finds out about it. Hope you guys like it! 💖💖💖

More stories can be found here! 

Amelia couldn’t remember the exact moment she had started doing it.

Well, that’s not exactly true. She could.

She found a simple golden necklace in the middle of her things when she moved back into Meredith’s house, probably the one her parents had gotten for her when she was little. Without actually realizing it, she took Owen’s wedding ring from her back pocket, passed the golden string through it and just stared at it, dangling, for what felt like hours.

Her marriage was over.

She still hadn’t said it out loud. She couldn’t bring herself to say it. It hurt too much.

She had shaken her head and clasped the necklace around her neck, with his ring attached to it. And hadn’t taken it off every since.

Not even for surgeries.

She always made sure the necklace was hidden inside her shirts. She certainly didn’t need people asking her questions.

It was nice and weird at the same time. They weren’t together, but her feelings were still there and she still found herself missing him, so feeling his wedding ring near her heart made her feel closer to him somehow, as cheesy as it might sound.

That’s why she is currently panicking. Where the hell is it?!

Amelia had gotten out of a craniotomy, just 30 minutes ago, and the necklace is nowhere to be found. If it was any other object she wouldn’t care as much, but it’s his wedding ring. Besides her memories, and an old t-shirt she secretly stole from their- his, closet, it’s pretty much the only thing she has left from him.

Suddenly the sound of the attending’s lounge’s door opening pulls Amelia from her thoughts and she turns around in time to see April entering the room.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine.” Amelia waves her hand in a dismissive manner and continues looking around the room, before bending down and looking under the couch.

“Everything okay?”

“I lost something…” she sighs in frustration. “I really have to find it!”

“What is it? Maybe I can help.”

“A necklace.” April didn’t need to know the meaning behind it.

“Oh, okay, well maybe I can help-“ April is cut off my the sound of her pager, “And maybe not now, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything about it.”

“Thanks…” Amelia mutters more herself, as April had already left the room, and continues her search. Where the hell could it possibly be?!

Later that day, still necklace-less, Amelia was sitting in the cafeteria by herself, silently picking on her food. She was still upset about the necklace. Amelia isn’t one of those people who are constantly losing things, and the rare times she does it is usually something meaningless, but this necklace, and specially the ring attached to it, has a tremendous amount of meaning to her.

Suddenly, Amelia feels a shadow next to her and looks up to find the red haired man who constantly occupies her thoughts sitting next to her and setting his tray on the table.

They had been doing this thing lately, where they occasionally have lunch together. They never really planned it, it just sort of happens. They were both human beings, who need food, happen to work at the same place and have lunch at the same time, sometimes together, because that’s what friends do…

“Hey!”

“Hi.”

“What’s wrong?”

Amelia looks up at Owen, somewhat startled. How does he do that? He just sat down, not even 5 seconds ago. She simply said ‘hi’ and he immediately knows something is wrong with her.

It’s unsettling, and, at the same time, comforting, the way he’s just able to read her so effortlessly.

“It’s nothing…” she mumbles. Owen does the thing, that damn head-tilt that always makes her weak at the knees and her defenses coming down crumbling. She sighs, “I lost something…”

“Something important?”

“Yeah, very important.”

Owen was about to say something, when April’s voice cut through the chattering noise of the cafeteria.

“I have it!” she sits down on the chair next to Owen’s and takes a deep breath, as if she had been running. “Sorry, I’ve been looking for you, here you go!“ April says looking at Amelia, and extends her arm towards Amelia, making the necklace dangle directly in front of Owen’s face, more precisely, making Owen’s ring dangle directly in front of Owen’s face…

Amelia feels Owen’s eyes on her, and subsequently her cheeks getting hotter. This is so embarrassing.

April keeps talking, completely missing the atmosphere in the table. “One of the interns found it. It was under the sinks in the scrubbing room of OR2, and-“

Amelia suddenly breaks out of her trance and snatches the necklace from April’s hand. “Thank you, that’s um- Thanks, yeah…”

Owen still hasn’t moved his eyes away from her, a silly, but discreet, smile playing on his lips.

April suddenly notices the mood between the two surgeons and figures out the meaning behind the ring of the necklace and decides it’s better to leave them to talk. “Okay, well, um, you’re welcome, and uh I’m gonna go now…”

Silence settled around the table, neither Owen nor Amelia saying anything, when Owen’s laughter unexpectedly breaks the awkwardness.

Amelia’s cheeks feel even hotter, but she finds herself laughing along with him.

“So um, you walk around with my ring uh?” he says once his laughter dies down.

“Maybe…” Amelia smiles, embarrassed of having been caught. Especially by him. “Is it weird? I mean, isn’t this what people do when their spouses die, like unexpectedly?”

He laughs and shakes his head. Damn, he missed her weird sense of humor.

“No, it’s fine. I always have your ring with me too.” He shrugs, smiles and stands up. He starts to leave but looks behind him and winks at her, before completely leaving the room.

Amelia just sits there, unsure of what do to, and a smile makes its way to her lips.

Maybe he does miss her as much as she misses him.

[greysfanpage388]

Amnesia part 2

Hey guys- this is the second part of the ‘Amnesia’ series.  I wrote this part long ago too, but it has been edited and proofread this time around ;)

Part 1 can be found here:

http://ailingnoor.tumblr.com/post/162816736156/amnesia-part-1

Again, thank you to the lovely @jia911 for helping me to proofread this!

p.s. Also this is for @toevenexist and @mediterraneansummer and anyone else who requested for a continuation ;)

Ever since he reached adulthood, Owen Hunt had always wanted to become a father. Unlike other men his age who were still sleeping with random girls- he was already looking out for the one- the right girl with whom he could settle down and start family. He was matured for his age- and it might be due to the fact that he lost his father at such a young age and was forced to take on the role of the man in his family after that.

For many years- he was on the search for the right woman for him. Sure - he dated many ladies- but they all ended up running away when he started discussing about being in a long term relationship- or told him straight up that they weren’t ready to be in a committed relationship with him. He was being turned down and disappointed many more times than he could recall.

Then came Cristina Yang. She was a force to be reckoned with, having so much energy, spark and passion for her job. She was smart, witty and passionate- everything Owen loved in a woman. There was only one issue-she simply didn’t want children. When she confessed to Owen about it - he thought that he could change her mind about children. He thought that once she laid eyes on their first child- her maternal hormones would take over and she would immediately fall in love with their bundle of joy.

But how wrong he was. It was just not meant to be.

Although he stayed by Cristina’s side when she aborted their baby- he was furious. Furious that she got rid of a new life which they had created together. Angry that she took away his dream of becoming a father. Most of all- he was livid that she didn’t even bother consulting him or asking his permission to abort the baby. The baby was his too! It just proved to him that he didn’t matter enough to her. If she really cared for him- she would’ve discussed it with him first and seeked his opinion before going ahead with the abortion.

After that- he stopped looking for the right woman. He didn’t think that he would ever find the right woman for him, the woman who could fulfill his dreams of becoming a father.

Then Amelia Shepherd came along, like a breath of fresh air. She was the woman of his dreams. She was fierce, loyal and passionate, and at the same time kind, loving and caring. The bonus? She loved kids too. He could see how great she was with the Shepherd children, and on more than one occasion even before they got married, he found himself dreaming of having kids with her one day.

____________________________________________________

Now standing in the completed nursery and staring at the crib which would accommodate their baby in 2 months time- he didn’t know how he got so lucky. His dream finally came true. He was finally going to be a father and he couldn’t wait to meet his daughter. He took a seat next to the crib and stared at it, imagining their baby lying in the crib one day.

He must have dozed off beside the crib for a few moments because he was rudely awoken by the sound of his phone ringing.

It was April. Oh no- was he late for his shift!

A quick glance at the nursery clock told him that he still had half an hour before his shift. Maybe April needed an extra pair of hands.

‘Hello?’ Owen answered.

’ Owen…you have to come to the hospital now.’ there was a sense of urgency in her voice.

’ Are you ok April? Lots of trauma coming in? I’ll be right there.’ said Owen as he exited the nursery.

’ No… It’s Amelia. She’s here now.’ April sounded like she was sobbing over the phone.

’ Yes- she drove off to work half an hour ago.’ Owen didn’t get why April sounded so frantic over the phone.

’ Owen… she has been in a car accident. Polytrauma… Please just come now.’ April finally regained her composure.

At April’s words, Owen dropped his phone. He felt his heart sink and his whole world spinning. It was like a rug had been pulled out from under him.

’ Hello? Hello?’ April’s voice could still be heard over the phone.

Owen drove as fast as he could to Grey Sloan Memorial, his mind racing. What happened to Amelia? Was she conscious? Is she….no she has to be alive!! How about their baby? He forgot to ask about the baby! _______________________________________________________________

He reached the hospital in record time. April whisked him immediately to Trauma room 4.

Owen’s heart sank as he saw Amelia, his Amelia lying pale and lifeless on the bed, intubated and connected to a ventilator, surrounded by monitoring machines. She looked unrecognisable , a pale shadow of her usually feisty self.

’ Amelia’ he whispered , approaching her bedside cautiously and grabbing one of her fingers.

’ Amelia- open your eyes please.’ he begged. ’ Please open your eyes for me.’

There was no response from her.

He let out an primal groan. ‘No, don’t leave me please Amelia!’ he cried out as the other doctors in the room looked on sympathetically. They wished they could help him.

His eyes travelled down to her now flat belly.

’ Where’s the baby?’ he asked April, his heart racing again. Surely the powers above couldn’t be that cruel to take his baby away from him too?

’ She’s in the NICU now.’ April replied softly.  Arizona had to do a crash C section just now to save both of them.. Alex is working on her. She’s stable at the moment- she’s in good hands. ’ she said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Owen felt like all his energy had been sapped out of him , due to mixed emotions of relief at hearing that his daughter was stable and horror of seeing his wife fighting for her life. Amelia couldn’t leave him alone with their little daughter. This was supposed to be a happy occasion, a day filled with joy and gratitude- the birth of their first child. And yet it was being marred with tragedy. This was certainly not how he envisioned the birth of their first child to be like. Amelia should be there, awake and smiling happily up at him, with the baby in her arms. But now he didn’t even know if she would ever wake up. Nobody knew.

Just then, Amelia started coding.

’ Her blood pressure is dropping. ’ April cried out.

’ She’s in Vfib!’ cried Bailey- who had been called down to the ER to assess Amelia for abdominal trauma. Get the crash cart ready- we need to defibrillate her!’

’ Everybody clear… 1..2..3… Charge!’ Bailey was now taking charge as the Chief of Surgery.

There was no response.

’ No.. No… Shepherd… You don’t get to do this to us!’ cried Bailey , as she charged the defibrillator again. ’ You’ve a husband and a beautiful new baby girl waiting for you- you don’t get to do this. ’

_______________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Owen was now sitting in a trancelike state on the floor of the ER room, leaning against the wall, his knees drawn up to his chest. He had tuned out what was going on around him as the other doctors worked frantically to save his beloved wife’s life. He was still in a state of shock, he felt like he was in a horrible nightmare. Just that morning he was kissing his beautiful wife and feeling his baby kick, and now, his baby was in the NICU and his wife was fighting for her life. What a cruel twist of fate it was . What had he done to deserve this?

He didn’t hear Bailey yelling at Amelia to return back to them as she defibrillated the neurosurgeon a few more times. He didn’t hear the collective sigh of relief in the ER as the cardiac monitor finally showed sinus rhythm again. He didn’t hear Webber declaring that there was no intraabdominal bleeding from the bedside scan and they needed to proceed for a CT brain to rule out intracranial bleed.

He was still in a zombie like state when Amelia was being rushed into CT, and Meredith came to escort him to the CT room where Nelson and Stephanie were stationed behind the computer. What they were discussing was a blur to him.

He was jolted out of his trance when someone called his name.

’ Dr Hunt.’ Stephanie was now standing in front of him and with a sympathetic look in her eyes. Gosh, he hated how everyone in the hospital was now looking at him like that.

She continued as she didn’t get a reply from him.

’ We need your consent. The CT brain showed that Dr Shepherd has a huge intracranial bleed and we need to evacuate it as soon as possible.’

’ Just do it.’ Owen muttered. ’ Do whatever it takes to bring my wife back to me.’

Stephanie nodded silently as she escorted Owen to the waiting area outside OR2.

_______________________________________________________________

Owen was not a religious person, and he never prayed before. But now, sitting in the waiting room, his knees drawn up to his chest and leaning against the wall again, he prayed fervently. He prayed earnestly to God to bring his wife back to him. He prayed that Amelia would come back to him, he missed her so much. He would do anything just to see her dimpled smile again and hear her laughter again. He prayed for their new daughter, who didn’t have a name yet, to pull through in the NICU.

'God or whatever power above, if you’re listening- please don’t take my wife away from me. I need her, our daughter needs her mother.’ he cried out silently.

Just then, the tears came without warning. Before he knew it, he was sobbing fully, something which he never did before- not even when his father died or his sister went missing. He had been strong for too long and he needed to release all his pent up emotions.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and came face to face with Meredith Grey.

He continued sobbing, ignoring her as she took her seat on the floor beside him.

’ She’ll pull through.’ Meredith said softly but confidently. ’ She’s a Shepherd after all and Shepherds are strong headed. I know she’ll pull through.’ she repeated.

Owen finally looked at her, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

‘ She’s a fighter.’ Meredith added as she gave him an encouraging smile and patted his shoulder.

They both stood up immediately in anticipation as Stephanie entered the waiting room, still in her scrubs, sporting a relieved look on her face.

Meredith and Owen both stared at her wordlessly. As surgeons, they were used to informing family members of patients the outcome of surgeries, but it was totally different when they themselves were the family members.

Stephanie cleared her throat . ’ We’ve managed to evacuate the clot, she’s now being pushed to the ICU. Her vital signs are stable now, although she did code once on the operating table. You can go and see her soon.’ she said as the two surgeons standing in front of her heaved sighs of relief. ’But don’t get your hopes up yet, we still need to assess her nervous system functions when she wakes up.’ she added.

’ Thank you Edwards.’ Meredith said as she gave Stephanie an awkward hug.

_______________________________________________________________

For the next two days, Owen camped in the hospital, going back and forth between staying in Amelia’s room and visiting their daughter in the NICU. According to Alex, the baby girl was thriving, considering she was a premature baby and for that he was grateful. His new daughter looked exactly like Amelia. Now he just needed Amelia to wake up so that they could decide on a name for the baby. The baby needed her mother.

He hardly slept, showered or ate, spending most of his time either at Amelia’s bedside or beside their baby girl’s incubator.

He refused to go back for a quick shower or change of clothes when Arizona offered to stay longer in Amelia’s room to monitor her. He politely declined when Meredith or Maggie offered to take his place by Amelia’s bedside. He wanted to be there when she finally woke up.

_______________________________________________________________

It has already been more than two days since Amelia’s accident. They had extubated her the day before and she was due to wake up anytime soon. Owen refused to leave her bedside for even one minute.

He was dozing off on the lazy chair by her bedside when a sudden movement jolted him awake from his sleep.

He stared at Amelia’s lifeless form. He could swear he saw some movement just now. It couldn’t be another false alarm!

Suddenly Amelia’s blue eyes opened and she looked straight at him.

Owen’s heart leapt with joy as a stray tear rolled down his cheek. He thought he would never see those eyes again. The powers above have answered his prayers after all!

’ Amelia’ Owen whispered , his voice full of emotion as he gently took her hands in his. ’ You’re awake! Thank God. Please don’t do this to me ever again,you hear me? I need you, our daughter needs you.’

Amelia just stared at him, with a frightened and confused expression on her face.

'Our daughter?’ she croaked. ’ What are you talking about? Where am I?’

Owen’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest.

This is a combination of two prompts:

1) Prompt: Amelia has an accident while she is pregnant and forgets what she had with Owen. She remembers the time when she broke off her engagement and joined Grey Sloan. And she also doesn’t know that Derek is dead and whose kid she is pregnant with and all the in betweens.

2) About Owen’s feelings after Cristina aborted their baby.  

As usual- comments, reblogs, messages and reviews are very much appreciated. I want to know what you guys think! :). 

p.s. Part 3 has yet to be written- so it wouldn’t be up that soon...

[advice4smartgirls]

🌷Hey! So I hope this doesn't come off as rlly ignorant or entitled, but how much money should I give to homeless people asking for money on the street? I just looked it up, and everyone is like 'ohhh noo don't give money they won't spend it wisely!' But I really do want to. And $1 or2 seems so pathetic? But sometimes that's all I have on me in cash. Just wondering what you think is appropriate! Thanks :)

I've lived in the inner city for 20 years, and have worked with local activists (many of whom are formerly homeless), and so this is an issue I think about often. Homeless people, like any other demographic, are complex, and there certainly are many people who will use the money they receive to further a drug addiction, or worse. However, addicts are still human beings, deserving of food and shelter and basic comfort, and there are options that can let you use your privilege to provide those, while knowing that you're not abetting. I would start by doing some research into the organizations serving the homeless in your areas. Shelters are so hit or miss that I'd avoid them, but thereare always other options, like groups that provide free hot meals, housing assistance, counseling, or showers. Give your time and money to those, before you give it to a shelter. Support the things that remove the underlying causes of homelessness. Vote in favor of low income housing and bank regulations, and donate to organizations that provide free addiction counseling or health services. Just getting sick and being unable to work is a massive cause of homelessness, and supporting companies that specifically seek to employ the homeless is also a good idea. And finally, to actually answer your question, I tend to give things that directly get the individual what they're asking for. So, rather than giving them money for bus fare, I give them all day bus tickets. Or if they're asking for food, I give them 5 dollar gift cards to a grocery store they're within walking distance of (because it's useless if they can't get to the store to use it). I carry maybe three of each generally. And if someone does ask, and I'm all out of cards and tickets, the amount that I give varies, but caps out at $5. There's no perfect amount, but $1 or $2 is totally reasonable. Just don't hand them all the loose change out of your cup holder, since that's hard to use. If they're harassing you or banging on your car window, don't feel obligated to give them anything, since your safety is important, and if you're genuinely cash-strapped or saving up for something, it's okay to say no. Just remain kind. They're a person who is equal in value to you, and treating them with respect is mandatory. -Audrey