#i miss these two together sm rn. and i need something to cheer me up after i watched episode 6 so here!

[makeyouminemp3]

jackie: there are some people i have to talk to. you, go ahead and mingle.

shauna: mingle?

jackie: you know, have an interaction that's not agenda driven. a conversation instead of an interrogation.

shauna: why?

jackie: you need some practice on your small talk.

shauna: i know how to make small talk.

jackie: sometimes you're confrontational.

shauna: am not.

jackie: like right now.

shauna: i am not.

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[yaz-the-spaz]

Last Month Tonight in Ziam (and Louis) News

…and here’s what you missed on glee ziam/ot3:

(basically for anyone who took a break from fandom, missed any major news, or just for whatever masochistic reasons wants a refresher of all the bullshit ziam/ot3 has had thrown their way over the last month or so, here’s a brief sum-up of what’s happened recently, in mostly chronological order i think?)

so first off in the whirlwind of ridiculous news, we got a story completely out of nowhere about zayn and liam suddenly supposedly being in a fued so bad that zayn wanted to “ban” Liam from the BAFTA afterparty just so zayn himself could attend and not have to be in the same room as liam

then we had liam pictured with both bella and g (and edward enninful and one of the kardashians i think? idk i can’t remember clearly my brain literally could not process the shit i saw and i blacked most of it out lol)

liam flew from london to new york to california then back to london then rome the next day then back to london AGAIN and then hong kong days later and then back to london ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN...and then to antarctica then mars and then the south pole to see santa and then dug a hole straight through to china and flew back to london for the millionth time and so on and so on

“zayn” (aka zayn’s shitty smm) tweeted g a “love you” tweet apropos of nothing which g of course promptly ignored, making him look like a desperate and pathetic mentally unstable ass once again

the laomi bs continued into early march and then promptly fizzled out and hasn’t (i don’t think?) been mentioned since and seems to have been basically dropped by the press completely?

there was some jawaad-related drama that i’m not even gonna bother re-hashing here cause i’m like 87% sure it’s pure bs and/or fuckery, and even if it’s not it’s not really our business anyway but if you’re really curious you can peep my jawaad tag for more

zayn unfollowed jawaad, and then also unfollowed mykl out of the blue not long after

liam and louis somehow both got roped into twitter promo for the kardashians of all people (though on wildly opposite sides with louis bashing and liam defending, hashtag le sigh) but problematicness of it all aside, liam did gift us with the best new meme response that works for literally everything and is absolute gold all while dragging piers morgan’s dusty ass so i mean at least some good came out of it i guess?

not sure if it was before or after the show but liam got pictured at some point at the global awards looking like the saddest boy to ever sad with red-rimmed puffy eyes and cheeks...could’ve just been exhaustion from all the continued flying back and forth from pointless fashion event to fashion event but my gut tells me otherwise

dan wattpad released another one of his exclusive shit piles ahem i’m sorry “interviews” with louis in which he mentioned pretty much shit-all about his actual music and also used the whole thing as an opportunity to throw zayn under the bus even further by reigniting the flames of the zouis feud and insinuating it had to do with zayn breaking his promise to show up to support louis’ at his x-factor performance shortly after his mom passed, which given that it came from wattpad of all people is probably complete bs and pretty much confirms to me even more than zayn was most likely actually there (esp when considered on top of all the weirdness of not getting any pics of the band or even finding out any of them were there till like a year after the fact and even then i’m pretty sure we only ever got the one single suss ot4 backstage pic, which just begs the question why all the shadiness with who was or wasn’t there? and why bring it back up now of all times? but anyway i digress)

two of us was released and it’s absolutely amazing but it will make you cry so make sure you have tissues on hand and at the ready if you haven’t listened to it yet

i’m assuming pretty much everyone knows the news about fizzy at this point so the only thing i have to say on that is that it’s absolutely awful that fucking wattpad of all ppl was the one who broke the news and i sincerely hope that one day he gets what’s coming to him for all the disgusting shit he’s pulled but anyway just please remember to respect louis and his family rn and give them the privacy they need

anyway the latest drama if anyone missed it or isn’t aware is that the other day (on the 20th) zayn, or “zayn” tweeted about his ‘i’m with you’ rainbow bracelet and basically made it into a z*gi thing by saying it’s his favorite not because it supports a wonderful cause, but simply because g gave it to him 😑😑😑which ofc (righfully so) angered many lgbtq+ fans and doubled as making him look like the most disgusting asshole yet a-fucking-gain, and then to top it all off this morning (the morning of march 23rd for future reference) “he” tweeted and deleted a (rather shit) apology that went something like ‘sorry for being such a shitty person’...

oh and i’m pretty sure liam was supposed to have his dubai concert today for the global teacher appreciation thing but it’s been radio silence on his sm for days (even though we would normally be getting tons of ig stories and lead-up promo pics from him for this sort of thing) and as of 4:30pm EST not even so much as a sound check/rehearsal pic today has been posted and i’m very confused??? did it get cancelled? postponed? is it even still happening? did it ever actually exist??? am i real? is any of this real??

ETA 3/25/19: liam did perform and posted on sm about it only afterwards on twitter and IG, but according to fan reports he also didn’t seem to be his usual cheerful self so :( gotta wonder even more wth was going on…

anyway that’s what you missed on glee in ziam (and louis) news

(and good god sorry this got so long, i had forgotten myself just how much bullshit had happened in the last couple of months till i wrote it all out and seeing it all together like this i just...smdh when the fuck will it enddd)