#i needed to ramble i felt like i'm experiencing something man idk

[dude-iloveu]

the m'sian government: depression and anxiety are on the rise among higher education students. we want to do a correlation study on this with an important factor that might have influenced this behaviour

also them:

noctis and aeron are probably the most developed ocs of mine i've had. not probably. definitely. hdkdjdjjd. the ones that come close to their level are characters that were basically self inserts. i mean i guess they're the only ones i've ever cared to give a proper consistent story going on and all. and maybe. i guess. since i'm starting to learn and unlearn stuff, they're like, the best outcome of uh. my general thoughts i guess. mmh. i want to talk but i can't.

anyway. general idea for noctis' story that has been in my mind for a while is that she and her twin who i'll call C, are very differrent. like, C is the 'better half' of it while noctis got the shorter end of everything. it wasn't as obvious when they were younger kids but only after their parents separated. the mom is a jealous and kinda controlling person, she has a high position in a company or whatever, and the dad is also somewhat a person with a slightly high position. yeah but it's all like just a cover because 1. they're not that well off but act like they're living high class or something, with perfect children that have good grades and are active and stuff. 2. is that the dad is not a faithful husband (which amplified the wife's suspicions) and the one time he was caught was because noctis had mistaken a jewellry thing she found lying around as a gift her dad wanted to give her mom or whatever instead and well since it belonged to like. another woman. the dad tried to cover it up and wanted to get it back but then things escalated and yea. ah who would win. a private detective gathering info for months vs 1 curious kid who just wants the best for their parents. anyway at this point the parents just, endure it and hide the fact from anyone because perfect family. all the while the company they work at is in hot watsr and that the parents kinda fell into their drinking habit tendencies (nothing bad happened directly to the kids the parents just argued alot) anywayi forgot to say. that the kids relationship witht he dad is good. like. hes not that much a present father but he takes them out to places and do fun stuff on the weekend. noctis' interest in acrobatics and stuff started when the dad brought them to a circus and stuff. so yea anyway the last straw was when the parents were drunk and had a big fight that led to bottles being thrown (no one got hurt) but the kids saw it on the sidelines(?) and the parents stopped arguing when they realised their kids were watching after things got overwhelming for noctis. so like fastforward a little they had a divorce and just some messed up manipulation shit by the mom that the dad wasn't allowed to see his kids again. some parent alienation shit going on and aghhh kid noctis sees this as their fault and neither parent explained to them both properly what had happened.

fast forward to school years C became a very high achiever student while noctis struggled. there were recommendatjon from teacher for special ed but the mom sees it as an insult and insists that she could tutor noctis herself. it also is worth noting that the mom kinda leans more to C than noctis and while she is harsher(?) to noctis, she doesn't like, neglect her needs (except emotionally ig). all this doesnt affect noctis and C's bond as siblings, theyre close as ever.

then highschool , noctis managed to enter a higher prestige school that her twin entered too. well, it was mostly normal but the school wass well known for their olympiad teams. noctis kinda became a delinquent and often skipped school things, while still managing to not get any disciplinary trouble, while her sister was a top student and tried hard to enter an olympiad team. even tho they're significantly different, noctis doesnt really have anything against and is protective of C. also she got a friend who she sort of helped from being bullied. the two kinda became best freidns from then on. meanwhile C got accepted into the team, which led to her being a target by people that were also competing to get in. something something an important exam came up and after that, C had been accussed of stealing the answer sheet and cheating. and there were like, camera footage or something. which would be a big fuckin problem no. anyway noctis maybe like, found evidence of answer sheet being found in the perpetraitors possession but ultimately. it led to noctid having to take the blame and with everything piled up, she was expelled. the mom was mad but also like, she didn't want to deal with any problems noctis had. she then enrolled noctis to a different school that sooner later met again with her friend, who had also moved schools because they wanted to join a certain team or band or something that only that school offered. so yey rejoice.

all this while i didnt mention noctis being really into acrobatics and have been training by herself (imprtant detail that i didnt talk about wtf) and she has been looking up on how to join those acrobatics schools or teams and stuff. and applying to institutions that offer these courses and stuff. welp, a long list of rejection but there was one school in particular that she did loom forward to get an audition of. it was one she had higher hopes in because it didnt have the requirements of having experience professional training and whatnot. well. the mom noticed she'd been really into something and asked and noctis explained about the whole thing. while the mom didnt object or anything, noctis probably asumes she thinks its dumb since the mom didnt allow or wanted to pay for noctis to attend acrobatics classes when she was a kid. but she doesnt think much of it, because lowkey. she does want to be accepted so she could show the mom something she has accomplished (and get parental affirmation ooughfhs). well no noctis doesnt get this luxury. because the letter came and the mom got to see it first, she saw noctis got accepted, but also realized that if she didnt get any sort of scholarship, the pay would be really expensive. so the mom kept the letter, though the jntention was that she wanted to discuss with noctis first on "better academic choices". then time went on and noctis found the letter while cleaning up her mom'a study room and. well. ouch. the betrayal and all the anger she had just bursted. worth mentionimg that the twin had known this before but didn't say anything. anyway noctis confronted this and while the mom explained it was an honest mistake or whatever, noctis didn't want to give any more benefit of doubt. not when the mom didn't give them the same benefit when they had been accused of that stealing and cheating stuff from high school.

so the desicion has been made. she ran away from home. with help from their uncle and his wife, that didn't have close relationship with noctis' mom anymore.

whoah. i've been talking so much. i should stop now because damn. noctis biography be long

[chilschuck]

I'm not sure how to put it into words on what I exactly want outta this, but please give us a Chilchuck x Tall Woman Reader.

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ hi anon!! i hope this is okay! i kinda did a mixture of hcs with a drabble, just something put together for you! thank you so much for your request, this is so cute!! <3

— CHILCHUCK x fem tall-man!reader

꒰ warnings: ꒱ sfw + fluffy goodness with this emotionally constipated man. enjoy!

꒰ wc: ꒱ 524

✦ this was so fun…. fem tall-man is so funny to read… tall-woman?? idk anymore. holds my head in my hands. i think this turned out more gn, but i tried. :”)) please enjoy!!! feel free to submit the request again if you’d like me to do more for it!! <3

✦ Chilchuck was used to being looked down upon, something he experienced both figuratively and literally. It came with being a half-foot, and that was the cold, hard truth. Yet, for a reason he couldn’t wrap his head around, he felt warm around you.

✦ Maybe it was your smile, or the way you managed to make him feel like you were always on the same page. It didn’t help that you weren’t bad to look at, on top of being possibly one of the easiest people to talk to he’s come across. He could continue to play it off as just a perk of working together, which was something he planned to do. But things were never that easy for him.

✦ Chilchuck was stubborn. He knew what worked and what didn’t, and he surely wasn’t going to put everything on the line for some tall-man. Yet…

✦ Watching you interact with the rest of the party, the kindness you exude and that comfort you brought with you, made him start to crumble. You were wearing away at the wall he built up, faster than he had the ability to rebuild it.

✦ “I look up to you, Chilchuck... For all you’ve done for half-foots, the way you show others not to underestimate you. It’s really amazing.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, looking down at your palms. You had suddenly felt the need to tell him what had been on your mind, and there wasn’t any way you’d let this stroke of courage go.

✦ You bit your tongue for a moment. The last thing you wanted was to make him think you were sucking up to him. Clearing your throat, your gaze sought out his.

✦ Surprisingly, you had managed to catch him off guard. You… look up to him? His brow furrowed, really taking in what you had said. Cheeks rosy, he opened his mouth to speak, only to grow silent again. Dammit.

✦ You… You made it so hard for him to articulate a thought. Especially when you looked at him like that. What was he supposed to say? That he truly respected you, too? That he didn’t think you were too bad? Not to mention, the way you always looked out for him didn’t make him feel inferior for once? Ah… Shit.

✦ You were used to being honest, so it didn’t strike you as how it might maybe be too much to say in the moment. Swallowing sharply, you tried to catch his attention.

✦ “Sorry… I just mean that I really, uhm, enjoy having someone like you around. Is that too much? Sorry. Let me clarify—“

✦ Mind reeling, grabbing at straws from realizing just how deep the waves of his feelings had crashed into his psyche, he waved a hand at your words. Your name left his mouth softly, stopping you in your rambling.

✦ “That means a lot… Thanks.” A beat. “And stop saying sorry so damn much.” Chilchuck mumbled, a gloved hand scratching the back of his head in bashfulness.

✦ Who thought he’d be catching feelings for a tall-man…

dividers by @/cafekitsune!

[siilvan]

Solitude

Characters: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

Summary: The feeling of being alone. (Or something like that.)

Genre: Light angst? Idk, it's just sleep-deprived rambling lol

Warnings: Semi-proofread, light cursing, some mentions/allusions to canon-typical violence, again it's just random shit

Word Count: 1.5k

Note: I wrote this in a few hours because I've been an emo bitch lately and figured I'd do what I always do when I'm sad, AKA take it out on my oc (◡‿◡) I might leave it up, I might cringe after I wake up and delete it, who knows honestly? I promise I'm working on things people actually want to read, btw

If Petra was one thing, it was a woman not easily phased by trivial matters. War, violence, exhaustion, death – all things she was experienced with. All things she knew how to handle on any given day. She earned both her call sign and her position for exactly that reason, even.

Now, if Mylène was one thing, it was a woman constantly weighed down with the things she faces on any given day. War, violence, exhaustion, death – it haunts her every waking moment. She had learned to deal with it over the years, how to put a pin in her emotions for the sake of getting the job done. People needed her to be the steady hand, so that’s what she became.

She never quite learned how to deal with the loneliness, though.

"Just call me if you need me, okay? Any time, I don't care when or where. I'm there."

The words felt foreign as soon as they left the captain's lips. She wasn't used to hearing that. She was always the one people came to rely on.

A heavy sigh escapes Mylène's lips as she unceremoniously flops down on the sofa with her old scrapbook in-hand. It was a hobby her mother had, one she didn’t understand until it was too late to even tell the woman that she learned why she loved it so much.

That's another thing she was. Sentimental. All she ever seemed to do when she was alone was reminisce. The good days, the bad days, the moments that she was sure went right in and out of anyone else's brain – her first sniping lesson with Price, the first time Nikolai called her "Mila," the first time she heard Ghost's genuine laugh, when she and Soap discovered their mutual love of art, the one single time she almost beat Gaz in a race… small moments, but ones she held close to her heart.

As she flips the near-overstuffed book open, she's immediately greeted with another memory. One she was honestly surprised she could still recall so clearly, considering she was only six years old during it.

A photo, taken in the dead of winter. Her family was in the states, visiting her aunt and uncle for Christmas. They were at the dinner table – her aunt was to the left, her honey blonde hair tossed over her shoulder as a few streaks of silvery grey finally started to show, with a three-year-old Emiel sitting in her lap and babbling away to her. To the right was her uncle, the grey in his dark hair and beard far more visible as he leaned back in his chair, a soft smile resting on his lips as he watched the six-year-old in his lap frantically scribble away on a piece of paper with a crayon. In the back, standing in the backyard and visible through the half-open glass door, was her father – younger, not yet the man she knew him as – and her two cousins, tossing a football back and forth and laughing away. Even her childhood dog was there, a blur in the picture as she ran after the ball.

Her mom wasn't in the photo. Judging by Emiel pointing somewhere behind the camera, she was the one taking it.

The more Mylène thought about it, the more it almost became funny. There was a point in time when she was surrounded by people, almost too many for her to keep up with. Her gaze lifts from the page; she tries to ignore the wetness clinging to her eyelashes as she looks around her living room. Other than her, it's empty. Her brother was somewhere else in the world, surely finishing another sensitive mission that Laswell assigned to him. "I want the best for the job," she always says. Her aunt and uncle were still in the states, but every time she thought about them, all that seemed to come to mind was how they lost fifteen years to the anger of her father.

After years of losing people left and right – allies, entire teams, patients in her care, civilians, friends – maybe it was for the best that she was alone. Even the task force had some close scrapes over the years, moments when she worried about losing one of the people she had come to consider a second family.

Mylène closes the scrapbook with a heavy thud and sets it down on the small coffee table in front of her. She shifts, pulling her knees up to her chest and eyeing the cellphone sitting next to the book. It was silent, save for the occasional spam email or update from her superiors. If she wasn't a woman ruled by her sense of pride, she'd consider sending someone a message.

Maybe she could text Freya and ask about her progress with the recent training exercises she gave her. Or, maybe she could text Christine for an update on the new batch of recruits. Maybe she could even come up with some lame excuse to text Olga, ask her how she's doing after her company rapidly expanded out of the blue.

No, no… She's a woman with too much pride for that. Johnny, Kyle, Simon… She didn’t have a viable excuse for bothering any of them. Between their work and their partners, she doubted any of those three had time for her, anyway.

Price? No, definitely busy with the missus. Nikolai? She can never predict what he's up to, but she assumed it was probably work or his own love, too. Laswell? God, what weak excuse could she even come up with in that scenario.

"Any time, I'm there."

She lowers her head and lets her chin rest on top of her knees. She was only home because she had to be – the captain claimed she was working herself to the bone and needed the time off before she ran herself ragged.

"You can take a week off," He chuckles, patting her shoulder before squeezing it in a firm grip. "Everything'll keep running when you're gone, I promise. We won't fall apart without you."

She laughed at the time. "Just give me a call if Johnny blows one of his fingers off, he's already almost done that three times this month alone." She said.

Was she selfish for feeling a pang in her chest? "It's natural to want to feel wanted," she can already hear someone wiser than her saying. Who could she actually say that to, though? Everyone around her was too busy and too interested in their own lives. She was just… well, herself. Lieutenant Petra; always stable, always the guiding hand, always the last one to complain when times get tough.

Her phone buzzes as the screen flashes to life. She picks it up and sees her brother's name in the notifications. When she clicks into their messages, it's a picture of him sitting in the back of a helicopter, his gear half-stripped off but his mask still on, covering the lower half of his face and leaving his smeared eye black and messy hair on display as he gives the camera a little thumbs-up.

Always his way of telling her he's okay after a mission. Whenever she was sent out, she'd do the same. Mylène sends a quick reply – "Try and spend more than three days at base when you get back." – and turns her phone off again.

It would be easy to message someone at this point and tell them the truth. "I'm feeling lonely, do you have time to chat?" are just nine little words. She was always the one telling her teammates and the soldiers under her command to reach out if they ever needed her, and yet the thought of doing the same felt like an impossible goal.

She turns her phone on its face and leans back against the cushion. After years of being her own shoulder to cry on, why was she suddenly feeling so lonely? She didn't need to be coddled, she didn't need to be someone's baby, she was always capable of relying on herself and no one else. She promised herself that the last time she broke down in front of someone else would be the last time she let herself do something like that. She didn't need it. She could take care of herself.

Mylène pushes herself off the sofa, worrying at the inside of her cheek. Everyone has their priorities and people they're already focused on caring for. She has herself, and that's all she needs. She doesn't need a shoulder to cry on or someone who knows how she's feeling all hours of the day.

"Verdomme…" She lifts her hands up and presses the heels of her palms to her eyes. "Get it together, Scholten…" She mutters in the empty room, drawing in and releasing slow, deep breaths until she can lower her hands to her sides once more. She handles it, just like always.

She has herself, and that's all she needs.

[ghoulangerlee]

if i could ask without it being rude. . .

what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?

lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something

anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.

please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)

So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.

So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).

So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?

To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?

Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.

Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.

So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.

And that friend was like 'well what about they?'

And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.

My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.

I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.

It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.

I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.

And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?

What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?

Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.

I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.

Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.

It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.

Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.

I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.

None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.

Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.

And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.

I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.

Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3

[woozi]

the thirst tweets yza 😭😭😭 i cannot. as much as fun this was, we were so close to getting jaebs with cats <//3

headlocking sk 😭😭 DJJDSKSK i would stand there like wonu clapping in the soop, for you <3. it's hindi ( actually it's my 2nd language but i speak in it the most w ppl outside of family djdjdjk ) my mother tongue is almost dwording djdjdkdk </3 i think im last gen who still speaks it, kids these days only know hindi or english.

ALSO!!! the footwork in senses choreo???? i liked it sm <3 yugyeom makes it look so easy to move like that?!?

same jdjdkddk godddd sometimes it takes a month to complete a drama which i like and started on my own will and sometimes it only takes 3 days. it doesn't matter how much i love something if i won't watch it, then I won't watch or consume it at all 💀.

ohhh, i've known jamie as an after school club mc first and singer second. like there was this time i was suddenly obsessed w eric nam's before we begin album i think around that time i first listened to one or two songs of jamie ( it was all spotify's doing jddjks) but then i forgot abt both and went back to listening to my regular ones. honestly i feel like i've gotten to know and appreciate jype artists ( those i know ) more, only after they've changed agencies it could just be me or my timing tho djdjdjh. have you listened to hanbin's solo album? honestly it's been no.1 album from 1st half of 2021 for me. i was not even looking forward to it or even knew djdjsk but i'm so glad i did i really like the songs & lyrics.

almost whatever jackson has released after mirrors has been to my taste leaving few bsides here and there. i love lmly <3 idk why for some reason i tend to mix pretty please and lmly up a lot djdjsk maybe it's bc of white tee and jeans. both mvs concept and songs are fantastic but if i have to pick one w/ mv & only considering the song, i do love lmly a little bit more then pretty please. wbu? <3

mark kept saying ' when we go back ' during the live so i got more confused each time, went on twt and got to know djdjdk. twt list of both svt & got7 of update accounts is like my newspaper, in free time i open it to see what is going on, sometimes jdjddk.

and of course i know abt woozi's cover <3 i've listened to it a lot jdjdksk he's so <//3

i could listen to his voice all day.

there is one cover of 10 cm hoshi dropped last year i like it sm <3 it made me so happy!!, around that i was obsessed with some of 10 cm's songs. help is one of my most favorite.

i really really wish for dokyeom to cover more day6 songs or just any songs </3 would really appreciate one from mr. joshu_acoustic too 😿.

did you see the way dokyeom woke up with a smile on his face in 5th in the sopp ep <//3 he's so precious 😭 (i'll try to link next time idk links go through asks tho djjddj sometimes tumblr eats it up). i don't even know what a smile is for first 2 hours after i've woken up. also i think i like this (sk coming and karaoke one - 5th) ep a lil more bc of that half minute of singer cheol it served us. i need him to sing more omg <//3

the soop song tho it's so sweet 😭💕. i love love how they brainstorm and make songs it's such an interesting process. i love what going seventeen is now but i miss watching the song making & recording process (even rho they do show it in inse after cb but jdjdks). the one where they made gose song, recorded it and made choreo/mv i love. it's still remains as one of my most favorite ep. they compose & write songs so smoothly & make it look so effortless <3

thank you for letting me ramble abt silly little things and responding to them, yza <3 love hanging out w/ you. i hope you're also having fun djjddj (i'll try to keep these short fr 😭 djdkdk i feel a bit bad for making you read so much nonsense :3)

take care of yourself, yza <3 sending good week wishes. - 🪂🪂🪂

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE JAEBEOM READ THIRST TWEETS BEFORE MY VERY EYES WHICH ALTERNATE AU IS THIS 😭

also mood tbh we could've gotten something like jacks' puppy vid </3

LIKE WONU CLAPPING FJKDJKFDJFD in true infj fashion <3 wait naurr that's so sad </3 do they not teach it in schools?

ALSO YES OH MY GODDDDDDDDD house king show us ur fancy moves <3 as a fellow dancer i am throwing him my shoe rn <3 also i literally have never seen smth like this in kpop how did people fucking sleep on this icb it..

I FULLY RELATE HELLO????????????????? what dramas have u been watching? and which genres are u into? <3 i also just finished vincenzo today it was so good 😭 took me like.. a week, i think (?), though bc svt has SO MUCH content and i dont like being behind on svt shit esp bc i also run an update blog lmaooo 😭

WAIT I FORGOT SHE ALSO DID EMCEEING 😭 she's such a fun person </3 AND ERIC NAM FDKJDFJK i have one-sided beef w him lmao when he was still new to the scene he would reply to everyone's @s but he never replied to me so i felt v .. </3 (also this is what.. 13 year old me speaking so this def does not reflect how i feel abt him now JKJKFJKDFF) i also get that </3 i feel like jype doesn't manage them well (i dont know shit behind the scenes and shit abt the industry in-depth but u know... it Kind Of Shows esp w how the artists themselves speak abt the agency lol). and i have not!! i am truly a svtpoppie 😭 i will though bc u recommended it to me <3 i also have been seeing him frequently on tiktok lol, ALSO BC OF LEE HI!!

honestly i haven't been keeping up w his albums anymore just the title tracks so i cant say much 😭 i also def prefer lmly over pretty please i was actually obsessed w it for a while!! i love jackson's vision so much though, the cinematography is EVERYTHING

literally reading abt what our boys have been up to like reading the morning paper KJDSFKJDSJKSJKD

V GOOD FOR U TO HAVE COME ACROSS THE COVER... I JUST DISCOVERED IT BY ACCIDENT 😭 also i have to agree although i definitely do not want to admit that i am more than willing to listen to some man sing to me all day 😭😭😭😭😭 jihoon's voice is just... different to me for some reason. i have a hard time picking between him & seokmin tbh </3 hbu, who's ur fave svt vocalist?

ALSO YES THAT WAS SO CUTE OF HIM!! AND V ON BRAND TOO </3 the way u listen to 10cm..... im giving u an award rn <3 im guessing you listen to k-indie too?

DK THOUGH... I'M VERY MUCH WILLING TO ADMIT THAT I'D LISTEN TO HIM ALL DAY.... something about him... AND NOT THE JOSHU_ACOUSTIC FJDJFDJKFD 😭😭😭 i hate his username so much- why... WHY...

I DID!!!!!!!!! and i was so surprised too bc.. who wakes up smiling?????? what'd he dream of???????????? he's such a happy person i cant imagine what thats like 😭 the first thing i do when i wake up is make the >:| face JFJKFDKJFD also oh my god i just read that you're experiencing the same thing 😭😭 bestie trait!! KJJKFDKJFD ALSO YOU COULDN'T BE MORE RIGHT?????????? im always campaigning for vocalist coups im SOOO glad u feel the same way <3 his voice is just so comforting to me </3 idk i just really like his timbre

and v true omg i'm always fascinated to see how they actually work all this out!! the bts recording/choreo making vids are also my favorite gfkjdfkjdfj HOW ARE WE SO SIMILAR WE MIGHT AS WELL BE THE SAME PERSON 😭also jihoon in that gose behind vid........... in universe factory............... i still think about that Look from time to time... 😭this is also why i respect the boys sm tbh. everyone in the industry undeniably works so hard but to actually get this much creative freedom and to basically lead the group and their direction music and performance-wise is so insane to me... no wonder jihoon's always in his studio. i couldnt be happier that they get to live off of doing what they like im also so so proud of them they must work so hard <3 esp w all the content they're giving us.. icb it's always like this in caratland im so used to being an ahgase that gets like.... 1 cb a year😭

AND NOOO OMG DON'T BE SORRY I REALLY LOOOVE GETTING UR MESSAGES </3 and i love how lengthy they are makes me feel like ur just not making small talk (i hate small talk sm 😭) and that you're actually interested <3 i genuinely love bonding w u through these little asks i can never thank u enough for sending them <3 i hope ur having a lovely week as well!! u can always talk to me even if it's not kpop related and u just want to talk abt life or when u need some cheering up <3

[bi-nick-carraway]

Yo! I saw that you wanted Natsby fanfic prompts and I'm a HUGE sucker for angst so like. Daisy and Nick getting snappy and jealous over each other because Daisy realizes Nick's feelings for Jay are more than platonic? And then Mr. Ga(y)tsby has to CHOOSE between them, I'm such a sucker for angst and petty Daisy, yo-

Hey!! Thanks for the request!!! Idk if this is completely what you're looking for, but here out is. Also I didn't exactly make Daisy a violation character because that's never felt right to me. Hope you like it though!!! (I'm so sorry if it's out of character or anything like that)

Fireworks

    Daisy had always known how Nick felt about men. It didn’t come as a surprise. She knew in the suggestive glances, the flirting, the sneaking into backrooms at parties with one of the waiters. Daisy knew since their early teen-aged years. It wasn’t just men, there had been a few ladies in between. Nick wasn’t picky, she supposed. She never once judged him for it. It wasn’t her place to judge her cousin on who he decided to love. Besides, Daisy absolutely adored men, so how could she blame Nick for feeling the same? No, she never once judged Nick for loving men, but Nick was not supposed to love a man that was meant to be hers.

    She only noticed it after she and Jay started their relationship. She and Jay loved each other, she knew that. But she also knew that Jay cherished Nick’s friendship much more than most men would. Jay was loyal to Daisy, he always had been, much more so than Daisy would ever be to him. The way Jay always touched Nick’s elbow so gently in order to guide him made Daisy feel a sharp, familiar sting; the same sting she felt whenever Tom went into the city to meet his girl. Part of Daisy hated herself for it. She loved her cousin as any family should, but she could not bring herself to stand the way Nick looked at her lover. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to love Nick; she never once wanted to feel envious of him, but she wanted Jay to herself. Daisy knew that was neither mature nor fair to either of them, but it was how she felt all the same.

    The truth of it was that she loved him first and she hated knowing that anyone else could love him the same way she loved him. She never planned to confront anyone about it, and yet it happened all the same.

    Daisy invited both Jay and Nick over to dinner on a night when she knew Tom would not be coming home thanks to one whore or another, and Daisy simply didn’t want to be alone. She did not originally plan on inviting Nick, but she suspected if she hadn’t then Jay would have invited him along. Daisy didn’t think it would change anything. Maybe they could all play cards. Nick had always been awfully good at card games.

    So there they were; all three of them at the dining table eating what Daisy thought to be a particularly bland meal, as candles flickered at the center of the table. The evening started out pleasant enough. There was laughter and pleasant conversation. Daisy was actually enjoying herself until she saw that look on Nick’s face as they listened to Jay tell a riveting tale of his time in the war. Daisy once again felt that stinging green heat creep into her stomach. She could not stand it.

    “Nick, dear, if you stare any harder at Jay your eyes might fall out,” she joked with a bitter taste on her tongue. She had not actually meant to say it, but she did not exactly regret saying it.

    “Was I staring?” Nick said innocently, his face flushed. “My apologies, Jay. I suppose you’re just that good at storytelling. I could almost believe any of it is true.”

    “Old sport, you wound me,” Jay laughed goodheartedly. “I promise, every bit of it is true.” Nick only responded with a knowing smile that made Daisy’s blood boil.

    “You might as well be calling him ‘sweetheart,’” Daisy muttered as she took a sip from her julep in an attempt to calm her temper. This earned her a concerned and puzzled glance from both Nick and Jay.

    “Daisy, darling, is there something wrong?” Jay asked carefully.

    “I’m perfectly fine.” Her answer was curt. Then she sighed and squinted her eyes shut as if she had a headache. “Jay, you know how much I care for you, don’t you?” The room suddenly became tense and serious. Even the air seemed to stand still. Nick watched her with warning eyes. She knew how quickly he would attack her if she dared hurt Jay.

    “Of course I do,” Jay responded, his concern growing. 

    “I need you to know something, Jay, just one thing,” Daisy said slowly and prayed her cousin would forgive her. “Something you should have known a while ago. I’m…” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m not the only person in this room that loves you.” Terror flashed across Nick’s face, and Daisy covered her face to hide the redness in her eyes, to hide the shame she felt.

    “Daisy, what…” Jay started in shock. He looked over at Nick, and Nick looked back with wide, guilt-filled eyes as he desperately tried to keep his composure. 

    “N-Nick, I’m so sorry, I-I just couldn’t… I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m so sorry.” Daisy had started shaking. She forced her eyes to Jay and spoke weakly. “I thought you should know that you have options.” With that, she got out of her chair and began walking out of the room, the hem of her evening gown dragging on the floor.

    “Daisy, wait-”

    “Jay,” she interrupted, looking back at Jay, who looked so bewildered and helpless, “if there’s anyone in the world that loves you more than I do, it’s Nick.” She gave Nick one more apologetic look before leaving the two of them alone. Her heart broke as she walked away, knowing she may have just ended her relationship with Jay, and perhaps even her friendship with Nick.  But she knew she would never regret the decision.

    “Jay, are you all right?” The question was cautious, treating Jay like he was made of glass and could be shattered at any moment.

    “...Nick,” Jay said softly, still staring at the door, “is that true?” The question shot through Nick like an arrow.

    “I am an honest man,” Nick said as he averted his eyes. “I do love you, Jay. That’s not something I could ever lie about. I’m not going to ask you to leave Daisy. I know how much you two love each other. I understand if you’re… if you no longer want yourself with me.” Nick would have rambled further, but he feared he might have a breakdown if he did. He was not a stranger to rejection, and yet it still hurt.

    “Nick,” Jay’s voice just as soft as before, and he was no longer staring at the door. “I want to try something.”

    The statement didn’t immediately register until Nick had the courage to make eye contact with Jay, and saw that he had an odd contemplating, determined look on his face. Nick nodded dumbly in response and stared as Jay stood and slowly made his way over to Nick. Jay held out his hand, Nick took it hesitantly after a few moments of staring. Then Jay led Nick to stand with him.

    “How does this make you feel?” Jay asked, standing close to Nick, still holding his hand.

    “Like I’ve had too many juleps,” Nick answered honestly, his face red-hot. They stood like that for a moment, and Nick suddenly became aware that for the first time, Jay wasn’t sure of himself.

    “Jay,” Nick breathed out, barely above a whisper. “Jay, I’m going to kiss you now.” And Nick prayed that Jay would not suddenly change his mind.

    Then they kissed, and it was one of the most blissful things Nick ever experienced. It was not anything more than Nick had dreamed of, but it was real. It was real and warm, and every bit of pain Nick had gone through was worth it to get to that moment. When they broke apart, Nick rested his forehead on Jay’s, and felt a little surge of pride at the shakiness of Jay’s breathing.

    “How did that feel, Mr. Gatsby?” There was a beat of silence as Jay tried to compose himself despite that Nick made him come undone so easily. He brought his hands up to either side of Nick’s face.

    “Mr. Carraway,” Jay laughed, his eyes sparkling and sincere, “that felt like a hundred fireworks going up in a thousand different colors.” God, Nick thought, Jay really was a romantic. “Kiss me again, Nick.” And he did.

[calledchaos]

b-but being masculine isn't a trait inherent to being male you know... this kinda gives off the vibe that every masculine butch is potentially trans? kinda tricky..... like, there's no way of telling how it "feels" to be a man or a woman. you said that you didn't feel FEMININE, which is also not an exclusive female trait. women can be masculine too. it must be awful being made to feel uncomfortable in your own body by being naturally rough and masculine in a social environment that looks down at women who have these traits. same goes for gay men who are extremely feminine. masculine, feminine, soft, rough, that's all just gender talk. you felt masculine, but not all men you see are masculine. so how can you tell this apart from a "feeling"? i've been on TRA circles since forever and im just starting to get so, so confused, and i don't mean to be disrespectful, but it's hard to stand by something when you're not sure of what you're even standing for anymore. im still on because of people close to me, even when i started questioning some things, but things i was told just don't make sense at the end of the day. too many contradictions. my brain can't keep up. any of it, and you bet this is gonna have backlash if any of my friends (which 2 are trans) found out that im going off the rails. wat th fuck is going oooon

ok sorry im rambling now i just needed to vent im sry :(

I never said I realized I'm trans because I was always masculine, I just pointed out it as an example of one of the reasons why I started questioning myself. It was just a very VERY summarized way to answer that other question. When I tell you I cannot detail it to you what I felt I mean it. Realizing I was trans was the most complex thing I've ever experienced and I believe it must be pretty subjective for each individual, because you're totally right: being feminine or masculine doesn't mean you're trans. And you don't need to want to fit into a cisgender default to be trans. Many trans women don't feel the need to shave off their beard or have a boob job; just like many trans man don't have top surgery or take hormones. Not to mention non binary people who do whatever and are still nb. People just want to be who they are and what's comfortable for me might not be for another trans dude and that's okay, as long as everybody's happy.

Idk why you're questioning it so much, honestly. I think I'll repeat myself, but that's pretty much where I'm at: I don't care about labels or coming up with reasons why people are they way they are. I think we should just do whatever makes us feel good and not worry so much about what it means.

If you're a butch lesbian (or not even a lesbian, just butch) masculine as fuck and you see yourself as a woman... Good. Your physical appearance doesn't dictates who you are, how you feel does.

Also, careful when you say "it must be awful being made to feel uncomfortable in your own body", because it sounds like you believe being trans revolves around wanting to please other people's idea of what we should be. My transition has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else, I couldn't care less if society thinks I should be tall, strong and whatever other stereotype they put on cis men. Everything I've ever changed in my body was for myself. The way you put it, you invalidate the trans experience. And if you're not trans and don't understand it, it's okay, just don't assume we're any kinda way for any kinda reason.