#i never talk about her anymore.... is she even my flagship oc at this point.....

[calenhads]

sabiba :(((

[inthatfandom]

Nightmares

Summary: Claire-118 and John-117 find comfort in each other after what they saw on the Halo terrorizes their dreams. (Set in the show universe after the finale of season 2)

Word Count: 1,068

Authors Note: Hey guys! Claire-118 is my OC that I've been having brain worms about lol. She failed her augmentation but was able to rehabilitate and rejoin the rest of the Spartans, becoming the leader of Gold Team. She refused to let Master Chief fight on that Halo alone. (Also ik we haven't seen the Gravemind in show yet but we r manifesting a season 3 so shhhh)

Also I've never written fanfic before so constructive criticism is much appreciated!

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“It's open Bear.” John called out from beyond the door of his makeshift room aboard the UNSC flagship the Spartans found themselves on.

Claire paused for a second upon hearing his old nickname for her, he hadn't called her Bear since they were 13. She pressed the pad of her finger to the biometric lock and stood there silently as the door slid open with a quiet hiss.

His room was pitch black.

Suddenly she didn't feel like a Spartan, she felt like a child. Standing in the threshold of his room she felt the kind of fear she hadn’t felt since augmentations, the shadows of the room slithered in her periphery, their tendrils climbing up her arms. She hugged them around her torso to keep them at bay. Technically, Claire knew nothing was there, she had her ability to see in near total darkness to thank for that. But tonight, her mind was playing tricks on her.

Though, part of her was grateful for the darkness, the shadows. They hid her momentary weakness, her shame, from him. She hadn’t needed to sleep beside him for comfort since they were young children, new to the Spartan Program and terrified of everything. Now they were warriors, weapons; grown and honed for violence. There wasn't supposed to be anymore room for whatever the fuck was happening right now. This… innate need for comfort that humans so stupidly sought out in other humans when they felt scared. He had never judged her for it then, but for the briefest moment, Claire thought he might judge her for it now.

John’s quiet, yet gruff voice pulled her out of her spiraling thoughts and further into his room.

“Come ‘ere.”

It didn't sound like he had been sleeping either, she mused to herself as she padded over to the empty side of the cot. No more words needed to be exchanged between them. And any thoughts of judgment she had washed away as he held the thin blanket open as an invitation. He knew just as well as she did why she was there.

Ever since they got back from the Halo, Claire’s nights had been filled with horrors beyond her comprehension. And it had everything to do with that … thing … they encountered down there. Despite giving them its name, she refused to use it. Once upon a time her mother had told her that knowing the true name of evil gave you power over it, but Claire didn't feel powerful when it's name reverberated in her skull. She just felt hopeless.

But that hopeless feeling rolled off her shoulders the moment she slid under the thim blanket and into his warmth. She didn't even need to be right next to him to feel it, in fact, she was on the edge of cot, but he radiated heat. Ever since their augmentations, most of them ran hot; but Claire rarely did. A consequence of having failed them once, she figured.

As she settled down into the small cot, John turned onto his side to face her.

“Was it a nightmare?” He questioned softly. Never one for small talk, her Johnny.

“Yeah,” she sighed, “I feel bad waking the rest of gold team up whenever I have one. Figured I'd just come wake you up instead.”

John huffed softly at that last comment, seeing his tiny smile helped Claire relax into the pillow.

“Just like old times, Bear. At this point I'd expect nothing less of you.” He jested back at her.

There it was again, that damn nickname. If John called her that one more time Claire was certain she would start to cry. Which she rarely did, but it brought forth bittersweet memories she'd rather not dwell on when she already felt this emotionally frazzled.

Slowly, she came to the realization that his warmth was tenfold and she could make out the slightly crooked line of his nose. The smell of UNSC issued soap was a familiar one. She must have subconsciously moved closer to him during their short conversation. She prayed to whatever gods would listen that he didn't notice.

“Yeah well you know me, I'm nothing if not consistent.” She replied softly, fighting the heavy feeling in her eyelids. She would give anything to stay awake and talk to him for a few more minutes.

John just looked at her, that small smile still gracing his lips. Even in her exhausted state, Claire noticed that his normally sad, hazel eyes were softer than she had ever seen them. Figuring out why was a problem for tomorrow, she thought.

When he realized she was fighting sleep, he whispered for her to get some rest. They had a long fight ahead of them and–

“I want you by my side.” He confessed.

“I've always been by your side.” She whispered back.

As Claire-118 slipped into unconsciousness, John-117 waited for her breathing to level out and her whole body to relax before brushing a strand of hair out of her face and gently pushing it behind her ear. His fingertips repeated the pattern, softly caressing the side of her face and neck before moving onto the slope of her shoulder and down the dip of her arm. He couldn't put the feelings he had for her into words, he didn't even know where to begin. He cared for her ever since he first met her, a quiet little girl, even quieter than him, but so fiercely determined to beat the odds. Years later, when 14 year old John found out she didn't beat the odds and had been put in a coma after failing the augmentations, he felt as though someone had ripped his heart out. Not even the pellet could subdue the horrible empty feeling he felt during formations when he would look to his side and find a gaping hole where his Claire Bear used to stand.

No, he thought, she hadn't always been by his side. But she was now, and he realized with startling clarity that he would do anything in his power to keep her there. In his nightmare earlier, he was about to attack the Gravemind with nothing but an energy sword as it dangled Claire above the abyss; jolting awake when he was too late. John stopped his tracing motion to wrap his arm around her back and pull her closer to his chest, holding her tight he buried his face in her neck. He would never lose her again.

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@authortobenamedlater @helix-studios117 @ageless-aislynn @pelgraine @makowrites @jellotherelol @ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask

[tallysgreatestfan]

Wanted to draw a rudimentary timeline of this both because I had these OCs and other headcanons for quite a while but never really saw them on paper, and also because I was in the mood for drawing portraits.

I like to imagine that Delenn had quite a diverse love life we just don't see much of because over most of these people she is pretty much over.

This is for the AU I am working on currently, but honestly I imagine that it goes in the same order in the canon timeline, only that the time where she actually ends up with Lennier is much, much later.

More detailed headcanons on each of them below the cut:

Neroon: Not sure if he and Delenn knew each other long beforehand or he only changed to her school shortly before they fell in love, but their clans have an arragnement where they often work together like this. He is the grumpy, intimidating bad boy and she the shy, timid girl, but they make it work. She learns to come out of her shell more, and he learns calmness. They are about eighteen or nineteen, and it works out for about three years. They also take quite a while before they have sex, but their have their first time with each other. Their different duties due to being of different castes ultimately brings them apart, but they stay in contact

Cassuan: Delenn met him on Bord of the Grey Council flagship as an accolyte, as he was an assistant technician. They bonded over their shared like for deep talks and for both being nerdy. He also introduced Delenn to more complex sex rituals, what humans would call BDSM. Their relationship lasted even until Delenn became Satai, but Cassuan couldn't deal with Delenns behavior in the war against the humans and broke up with her, which still haunts her for the rest of her life. She tried to contact him several times but he just completely broke off contact.

Kaya: A human ambassador assigned to the same planet as Delenn after the war, they ended up in lots of contact that grew more and more personal. Delenn could not admit that she was attracted to humans, but she grew to desire and finally love him more and more. He never really picked up on it and she was also not his type. Delenn was heartbroken, but also, as she could not admit that she was attracted to an alien, tried to rationalize her pain away in the most absurd justifications of what happened instead.

Accolon: Her and Delenn met as they served at a spring rite aka sex ritual together, but liked that experience so much that they stayed in contact after that. Delenn admired how openly different and proud of that Accolon was, even if at this point she was not the shy, timid girl anymore, Satai and pretty much driving force behind the Babylon project on the Minbari side. Apart from that, they are quite different people, Accolon being spontaneous and literal and outgoing, but they can talk well. Their sexual attraction and Accolon teaching Delenn even more BDSM, which she acted out both as dominant and submissive pretty much carried the relationship. After Accolon, as an priestess and scholar, travels on to another planet, their relationship pretty much fizzels out.

Jeff: You saw their philosophical talks and Delenn trying to flirt and deep bond and how Delenn was more or less responsible for Jeffs trauma. Delenn could never quite admit that he would never return her feelings, because the prophecy said she would end up with a human. So she just continued pining until he was gone.

Lennier: Pining and face touches and things you would clearly never say or do to someone just platonically, but its never communicated. A beautiful mess. In my AU, there comes a point where Delenn can't bear not knowing what the hell she is feeling anymore (even if it is not love, its too destructive and timid and raw to be love), and Lennier suffers to much to not ask for clarification. So Delenn starts... something with him, to find out what it is. Its painful for Lennier, but its still better than just pining. They try to go with the rituals, but there are no rituals for something so complicated and messy. So they ease into an actual romantic relationship. They pretty much enable each others psychological issues, so that is another thing they have to figure out, but against what Delenn secretly believes, it works out. Their sex life works out surprisingly well, though. Sure, Lennier is inexperienced and knows more or less nothing, but once he knows something, he is very attentive, and turns out he is kinky too. And they know each other so well that its very easy to read what the other wants.

Susan: At the point where Susan comes closer into Delenns live again, becoming leader of the Anla'Shok, in my AU Delenn and Lennier are a couple for quite some time, and over their issues, and have a happy open relationship (in the canon timeline both probably happen around the same time, idk, I don't do much with the canon timeline?). Actually adding someone to their relationship as an genuine same level partner instead of secondary partners is new, and its a mess to figure out at first. But Delenn and Susan now have processed their trauma enough to be open with each other in a way and depth they could not on Babylon 5. Its a new beginning. (Lennier at first has his old fears about not being good enough and being replaced come up again, but also he goes along surprisingly well with Susan, so it is easier to get over it).

[ardentlythieving]

HEWWO EVERYBODY IT’S END OF YEAR RECAP TIME WITH ME: UR PAL ARDO

First of all if ur reading this, merry christmas if u celebrate it and happy holidays if u don’t!!! Y’all are amazing people and I hope this time of year is a good one for you, and if it’s not I hope you find the time to do smth nice for urself!!

Dam this year has been crazy tho. I mean if ur dash is anything like mine you’ve prob seen all those posts talking about how long this year has felt re: the sheer amount of stuff happening. But on a more individual level there’s some stuff I wanna say I guess so in no particular order here is my Thoughts™ coz there’s been some good, some bad, and some weird this year. 

So, this year has been a kind of wild one for me in terms of things changing. The big one being that I started university and kinda lost contact with most of my pals from high school. All goods tho, coz I met some amazing new people thru tabletop gaming who idk if I’m at the friends point with yet, but I defo wanna try and get there coz they’re cool as heck. It’s true what people say that starting university is a big change coz DAM things have been wild and hopefully are gonna keep being wild next year espc coz one of my online friends is moving down to start at my university and I’m super excited to meet her in person!! Speaking of meeting people in person I finally got to hang out with @chipmunkwithwings at her place and that was one of the highlights of my year for sure! She’s a super cool person and that week was just utterly brilliant.

Anyways while we’re on the topic of friends this year sure has been exciting for that as well. I’ve made some amazing new ones, gotten closer with some older ones, had some drift apart and thru it all I’ve learnt something important. Namely that, there’s nothing wrong with the friends I had before, but I’ve felt so much better and it’s just been so much healthier for me now I’ve also started pursuing and focusing on friendships with people around my age. It sounds weird to say, but despite having a good collection of close friends there was a part of me that was lonely, and that part has kinda stopped being so much now not all my friends are 10ish years older than me. 

That’s one thing I’ve discovered, but this year has been a big one for discovery for me. I tried a bunch of different papers and found out that I hate international relations and love philosophy. I’ve started learning Swedish!! And probably the biggest and most important discovery: thanks to my friends telling me “dude you really need to do this” I’ve gotten on anti-depressants!!! Which have really been helping me so much. That’s probably.... my biggest regret is that I didn’t get on them a few years ago. Still, I’m on them now and my head is just working so much better. Also, and I’ve talked about this in an earlier post so if you wanna kno deets you can go read it, I properly I guess remembered? stopped repressing? how a friend abused me a few years ago and started working thru the issues I have because of that.  

At this point I’m gonna put things under a cut coz this is where shit is gonna get long. 

Some letters, to the people I’ve known this year. I know a LOT of people so I’m prob gonna not mention anyone so if I don’t mention you: I love y’all. Ur so so fucking brilliant all of u and I’m honored to know you and to have had this chance to be in contact with y’all. I’m deeply sorry for any way I might have wronged you over this year, and if any of you wronged ME I forgive you entirely. If any of you haven’t really talked to me, but want to; or if we’ve drifted outta contact and you wanna pick things back up or ANYTHING at all feel free to msg me anytime. My discord is ardentlyThieving#4893 and this is an open invitation to anyone reading this coz there’s a ton of cool ppl on here who I haven’t talked to as much as I’d like. Anyways onto the individual stuff.

To the afternoon gang. You guys all mean so so fucking much to me, more than probably anyone else. Ur my best support network, my greatest pals. Being friends with you all is a fucking delight. I know I’m not always active in our server, but trust me that it’s nothing on you. I’ve enjoyed every moment hanging out with you guys. Or well, most of them at least :P. We have the wildest conversations and trust me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know some of you guys have had a hard time this year and I’m so sorry that you guys are going thru that shit coz y’all deserve so much better. It’s my deepest hope that next year is a good one for all of you and if there’s every anything I can do you guys know where to find me. I love you so so so so so much and I hope these last few days of 2018 are as good for you as they can possibly be.

To the people of Eff’s servers. You guys are super duper cool. Being salty with y’all is so much fun and also so deeply annoying that people keep pulling this shit that we gotta be salty about. I love the fact that we can go from shitty meme posting (usually my fault) to having in depth n thoughtful conversations about just about anything (hopefully usually not my fault). Y’all are amazing people and it feels like you’ve all found urselves a bit more this year, which I’m so happy for you about.

To Sakshi. That’s right, u get an individual one. Ur like, my hero. Srsly dude the fact that ur so fucking patient with the utter dumbasses msging you and that u started this whole deep conversation that ur not backing down from? I’m so proud of you, I admire you so much, and you have my utmost support. Hmu if you ever need me to drag someone for you. Also i’m sorry to out you as a gamer to the fine people of tumblr dot com (actually I’m not that sorry) but it’s been so much fun playing swtor with you. And salt watching things with you. I love how fun our friendship is and also how we can have proper deep conversations like 10/10 A+ content. 

To Hammi. Dude you are awesomesauce. My fave lesbian pal. I love memeing with you and gaming with you and chatting with you. Here’s to another great year broski!

To Clare. We’ve only just met at the very end of this year and I’m so glad we did. Ur super cool and funny and I love ur art n posts.

To my swtor guild. Another group of wonderful people who I’ve only just met. i’m so fucking excited to get to know all of you better coz y’all have such great swtor opinions and are so much fun to play with. Sorry about what I did to the Gizka flagship bridge lmao.

To Sofa. DUDE HI! becoming friends with you this year has been one of the highlights. Thank you for all the support you’ve given me and for all the fun times we’ve had. I adore playing video games with you and I fucking love ur swtor ocs. You’ve been there for me so much, and I hope I’ve been there for you as well. Thank you for everything.

To Marie. Yet another person I met later on this year and haven’t had the chance to get so close with. Defo my bad there I need to msg you more often. Thanks for being there for me, even though I was kind of a shitty friend to you at one point. I didn’t deserve ur patience but you gave it to me anyway and I’m so fuckin grateful for that. I hope to make that up to you in the coming year. <3

To Jason. We were tight at the start of the year and kinda drifted apart which I regret. Msg me anytime dude and if you ever reinstall swtor you should totally hmu coz playing it with you was a ton of fun!! 

To Traya. I know we’ve only talked on and off this year, but I’m so excited for you to be at my university and to hang out in person!! Hang in there dude, coz there’s so many cool people for you to meet and take it from me that university really is so much better than college.

Ok this is where the happy positivity ends!! Again I love y’all so much and I hope that next year is better for all of you then this one was!!! Thanks for being pals with me, I appreciate it so much even when I’m not great at showing it.

Coz there’s one more letter I gotta write coz after however many years I want closure. This is where it ends.

To Teri. Wow. I never thought I’d be saying ur name again. Well typing, but w/e. That first year we were friends was so fucking good and I’m glad we had that, coz you were a pretty cool person. I dunno why you decided to change all that and start hurting me and I’m probably never gonna understand but you know what? That’s ok. I don’t need to. You hurt me, I got out. I’m not sure, but I think you were being hurt by people as well and I hope you got out like I did. No matter how badly you treated me you still don’t deserve to be abused urself. Nobody deserves that. I don’t know if I forgive you, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I hope things are better for you now. I’m sorry for the times I wronged you while we were friends. This isn’t me saying I deserved to be abused by you, because I sure as hell didn’t, but well. Two wrongs don’t make a right and ur abuse doesn’t magically erase the times I wasn’t the greatest friend. I thought ignoring the things you did to me would make things better, but instead I let it all fester inside me and change my behaviour without realizing that’s what happened. So this is me letting go of it all. Coz you don’t get to fuckin take anything else away from me. I’m better now than I was then despite everything you did to me. This is me, making a conscious choice to heal and move on and grow. It’s not gonna be easy, but imma do it and it’s gonna be so fucking wonderful. This is Arden signing out because you don’t GET to have any control over my life anymore. Never ever again.