#i owe u my damn life ash.THANK U!!!!!!!ARGHHHHH THANK U 4 THE OPPORTUNITY.I AM SO CONTENT NOW

[morn1e]

Postal guy and Marnie lore NEOW ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

i have sort of written abt their dynamic so will use this ask 2 talk abt headcanons i have 4 these 2😁😁😁😁😁sorta long so undercut it goes

-marnie comes from maryland (grew up in maryland, lived/studied medicine in boston b4 relocating to arizona), dude grew up in utah but has spent a good chunk of his life in arizona

-marnie is fluent in german&used 2 b also fluent in latin&french but overtime has gotten a bit rusty in latin. french she refuses to relearn it bcuz it is stupid but does somewhat understand it still. dude thinks it is damn ridiculous&some rich people crap she knows this many languages&genuinely gets angry when she talks in latin bcuz he does not get a single thing that is being said.

-both her&dude know beginner spanish, enough 2 hold a very very basic conversation i guess

-marn is 37&dude is 38 :) old freaks.

-marnie is a double doctor bcuz she has a med degree&a phd in biochemistry. she now works in general surgery in paradise bcuz it pays her bills+lets her life comfortably&she has to pay off student loans. actually really gifted in surgery&it is definitely something she is super good at it. but genuinely regrets she wasted so much of her early&general adulthood studying medicine bcuz in the end it bcame the thing she hates the most

-marnies full name is maureen montgomery😁. family always called her maureen&work always refers to her as dr montgomery. dude is the 1st&last person in her life who calls her by a nickname. she does not like the nickname bcuz it feels so out of place but has grown to accept it.it is special. will not let any1 else call her marnie&dude will get pissy if some1 else calls her marnie bcuz it is like their own little thing. dudes name is literally "the postaI dude jr.". this is genuinely canon for those who do not know. however i do really like the idea of his 1st name being parkley.a stupid babyish name he is embarrassed to go by. but idk i think the 1st option is ten times funnier. marn still calls him dude all the time.

-marnie grew up on a farm in maryland with rather loud redneck parents. a complete contrast in personality to marn. an only child but with a lot of relatives. her childhood was alright i guess. dude grew up in various trailer parks across utah. very strict&mean father which is why he despises him so much&a spineless mom who always took dads side. he always got along w his uncle (uncle dave) the most which his father really disapproved of bcuz dave always was involved in very shady things&got dude to help him in them. most likely an only child too.

-marnie became a doctor in the first place because she was genuinely gifted in being smart and had huge ambitions. she wanted to be better than anybody else in her family. sorta like a living legend. she had this attitude up until mid residency where her nature of being a deadbeat like the rest of her family&burnout from harsh intern/residency conditions set in. after residency moved across the country to arizona to get away from it all.the burnout never got better - she is like a burnt out match, there is no hope for her to light up again. dude is dude. i like the idea from the postaI movie that he fucked up his criminal record so bad when he was younger it hindered him from being accepted to any college or good paying job lol

-marnie&dude met @ a bar where a metal concert was going on. on the 1st night he relocated 2 paradise with his (ex)wife she was nagging him so hard he left home to realm around the town&by coincidence stumbled upon a bar. dude was dragged into the mosh pit&started beating the shit out of every1 who stood in his range&this way ended up socking marnie in the face who was just a bystander. she caught his eye 1st hand bcuz she was so unphased&a blonde. u do not meet a chick everyday who can handle a punch from a 6'8" guy so...unbothered? calm?. went "good googly moogly" & followed her home&kept reappearing ever since.😁

-yeah he was still w his (ex)wife when he started seeing marnie so u can say she was his mistress for some time b4 his wife left. i say that by the time dude&the wife moved to paradise their marriage was already in shambles&wife was already cheating on him openly&had her lovers over whenever she liked because she just did not care anymore. neither did he. the love was long gone&sole reason they still stayed married was bcuz of the tax benefit. after his wife left he moved into marnies house&uses his trailer only as a place to come back to when he wants to be alone for some time(both him&marn are loners. it would b unnatural for both of them if they spent every waking moment together, they need the time to be alone from each other from time to time). he also comes back there bcuz he is growing weed in the trailer&needs to look after it.

-pdude&marnie very rarely cuddle. or hold hands. or kiss. not only it is hot as balls in arizona all the time to cuddle in bed, they like to have their own space. due to dude being a charismatic douchebag he does often times greet w a hug from behind+kiss on back of her neck when she expects it the least bcuz this is his way of teasing and messing with her. it throws her off everytime&he is smug about it bcuz he is a jerk. does a bit more often have his arm stretched out around her when sitting somewhere but they are not that keen on lovey-dovey affection. they do enjoy a half hug from time to time. their main affection from each other is either being in the same room together or doing something for the other. this way they have their space but still show the other they care.

-ermmmm they r both messy as hell. really disorganized, esp marn bcuz she has papers&unpacked boxes from when she moved from boston to arizona that r still unpacked, mind u it has been like 10 years already. dude is messy bcuz he is nasty&trailer trash&does not care enough to clean. marnie is too exhausted to clean&just lives with whatever is thrown at her, unbothered to make a change. they r both disgusting.maybe once in a month or two they lock in&clean the damn house if lucky

-both heavy smokers. marnie smokes a lot but dude is a chimney compared 2 him especially after he does not smoke crack anymore. he needs a substitute. dude goes through like ~1.5-2 packs of cigarettes a day. his record is 3. it does not matter if this costs more than doing crack bcuz marnie pays 4 it 90% of the time😁 yeah their teeth r stained. they&esp dude reek of cigarette smoke. marnie not so much bcuz she tends 2 smell more....sterile?like rubbing alcohol smell as she works @ a hospital but it does not take long 4 the smoke smell 2 overpower. the house reeks of stale cigarette smoke&weed. cigarette butts everywhere. cans&other trash everywhere. the coffee table is a disaster. again they r fucking disgusting nothing should b appealing abt these two. u should not admire these guys. they both suck nothing is pleasing abt them. i hate them both. they mean Nothing to me.

-both get stoned&drunk on friday night bcuz marnie does not have work on the weekend.😁.dude prob gets stoned a bit more often than marn bcuz she has work on weekdays&would not go 2 work after getting stoned or w hangover not bcuz it is unethical - but bcuz it will b only a pain to her. he prefers to get high w her together bcuz it is just way more fun.😇.

-while friday is fun&all marn usually spends all saturday filling out paperwork from the hospital bcuz she does not bother doing it through the week&procrastinates. dude helps her w forging her signature on some papers so the progress is faster usually bcuz he wants 2 do smth else&is bored. this is how they bond.

-marnies favourite dessert is chocolate pudding:) dude is like idk. milk w graham crackers or buttered bread w sugar bcuz he grew up rather poor&did not really have desserts growing up

-in their own messed up way dude is technically the housewife.but not really. if looking from a traditional family perspective marnie is the one who brings the bacon. dude is the one who does the errands. yes he hates doing them. yes he bitches&moans while doing them. but it needs 2 b done. he does make dinner(which is something he fuking HATES DOING!!!!BUT DOES IT FOR MARNIE BCUZ IT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF LOVE HE CAN DISPLAY.YES HE IS IRRITATED MOST OF THE TIME WHEN MAKING IT BUT WILL DO IT.) or get takeout (usually chinese) for when she comes home.😁.

-dude does whatever the hell when she is @ work&if all the errands r finished. he either does his own thing or snoops through her stuff like her old medical journals that she has not touched in 7 years. maybe has read her old journal entries from her med school days like some sort of novel series. if he is really that damn bored he will read an entire random medical journal&will be angry as hell when he finishes it bcuz his head hurts from the smart&latin words. "glioblastoma? what the fuck is that??? cant they just use normal words? man these posh bastards, nobody cares about your latin goddamn🤬" day ruined.

-champ(dudes dog) lives w them inside the house&loves marnie. marnie loves champ. champ kinda plus minus senses around when she will be coming back home so waits for her on the porch to greet her :)

-i keep saying this like a broken record but they are horrible. on this god forsaken earth there is someone horrible like the other. they are each others person. they are glad the other is horrible too.