#i paused doing my hair to type this pls indulge with me guys

[eddiesghxst]

dumbass steve harrington and his even dumber girlfriend🤞

you’re two peas in a pod, thick as thieves, literally the epitome of dumb and dumber. like sit and blink and laugh in confusion when you don’t understand the joke that the gang is laughing about and you whisper on the side to each other like “did u get the joke?” “no i’m just laughing to fit in.” “okay me too.”

[hermannsthumb]

i’m catsitting this weekend so i won’t be posting a bunch of drabbles like last week so pls enjoy the wildly unedited installment that falls directly after part two of my absurdly self-indulgent newt/hermann regional AU (which can be found on ao3 and tumblr)

Newt’s running late and it’s entirely his fault, but in his own defense, it’s just because he spent a lot of time getting ready for his date with Hermann. He wants to look nice, damn it. Hermann always looks nice and put-together and collected, whereas every single time he’s seen Newt, Newt’s been covered in literal fish shit and God know what else. So he takes his time, does his hair up with gel, realizes it looks terrible and then has to rinse it out, and then he gets distracted by his phone, and then--basically, he misses the bus that would’ve gotten him to the harbor in time to be there before Hermann finishes up at the center and has to take a later one and ends up half-sprinting over at 5:30.

Hermann isn’t impressed. While Newt hunches over, hands on his knees, and catches his breath, Hermann just watches him. “You’re late,” he says, when Newt finally straightens up and can breathe at a normal pace. He glances over Newt’s corduroys and t-shirt. “But. You’re clean, at least.”

“Stop flattering me,” Newt says. Hermann’s in his usual professor getup, with a sweater vest Newt’s never seen before. How many does the guy have, for real? “You’re clean, too,” he jokes, and flashes what he hopes is a flirty smile. Hermann narrows his eyes. Oh, boy, off to a good start. “I’m sorry I’m late. Buses and all. I would’ve texted, but--” But they never actually exchanged phone numbers. Maybe Hermann will get the hint, take the bait. Newt’s half reaching for his phone already.

He doesn’t. “Where are we going for dinner?” Hermann says. “You were--somewhat vague, when you asked me.”

“Oh,” Newt says sheepishly. He’d been so busy getting ready he hadn’t actually planned where they were going. “Do you, uh, have any suggestions?”

Hermann looks at him incredulously.

They end up at the harbor Noodles and Company with Hermann scowling at him over a bowl of pad thai, and Newt stirring his bowl of macaroni and cheese around nervously. “In my defense--” Newt blurts out. Hermann folds his arms across his chest. “I was nervous about making a good first impression.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “You realize that you already successfully made a first impression the first time you derailed one of my talks?” he says. “A poor one, I should add. A very poor one.”

“But we’re here now, aren’t we?” Newt says hopefully.

“Hm.” Hermann pokes around at his pad thai.

“Next time,” Newt says, “next time I’ll actually make, like, reservations somewhere, and somewhere nice--”

“Next time?” Hermann says.

Newt mentally kicks himself. God, damn, he’s terrible at this, he hasn’t been on a date in years. And Hermann’s so cute, with his little round glasses and cowlick, and it’s making Newt all flustered. He really wants this to go well so he can take Hermann somewhere that isn’t, actually, more or less in a shopping mall. Also, so he doesn’t get depressed every time he sees his Science Center membership card in his wallet. “Can we please just restart this whole thing?” he groans, dropping his fork to the table with a clatter and dragging his hand through his hair.

Hermann clears his throat. Newt looks up. “Good evening, Newton,” he says. “That shirt looks nice on you. I’m excited for our date.”

Newt grasps at the lifeline. “I’m excited too,” he says quickly. “I like your--sweater.” Then, because it’s the truth, he confesses, “I’ve wanted to ask you out for ages but didn’t know how.”

“Is that so?” Hermann says. He looks genuinely surprised. “I admit your methods were unconventional.”

“But they worked?” Newt says hopefully.

The corner of Hermann’s mouth twitches into a smile. “We’re here now, aren't we?” he echoes.

Dinner is surprisingly pleasant, once the rocky beginning smooths out, and they spend most of the time talking about themselves. Hermann, it turns out, is Oxford-educated and teaching astrophysics at Hopkins via an exchange program of indefinite length. He’s been here since last August. He got bored of England, apparently (though Newt can't tell for the life of him why he picked Maryland out of the entire country). Hermann’s surprised to find out that Newt was on the tenure track at MIT before he gave it up five years back to, also, move to Maryland, and then use his PhD in marine biology at the Aquarium. (“My uncle took me here once when I was a kid,” Newt explains, “and I loved it.”)

It’s cool out when they finish at the restaurant, so they go for a slow walk around the harbor as dusk settles. Newt’s hands are shoved in his pockets, but Hermann’s free hand is dangling a few inches away. He could easily take it. He really wants to take it. He doesn’t. “So you’re still pretty new around here, then,” Newt says.

“I suppose,” Hermann says. “I haven’t ventured much outside of the city. Or much inside the city either, truthfully.”

“I could show you around some more.” Play it cool, Newt thinks. Play it casual. “You know, if you want. There’s a bunch of weird shops, and bars, and movie theaters and shit in the area. Uh. If you like movies?” Hermann looks likes the type who goes to operas or sees depressing plays or shit.

Hermann rolls his eyes. “I like movies, Newton, I’m a human being.”

Just two more things they have in common, then. “Awesome,” Newt says.

Newt fully expects to take the bus back to his apartment, but Hermann surprises him by offering him a ride once they end their walk at the harbor entrance. “You sure?” he says. “I mean, I’m not super close--”

“It’s no trouble,” Hermann assures him. “As you demonstrated, the buses can be quite unreliable.”

Newt recites his address and fidgets in Hermann’s passenger seat the entire drive home. Did Hermann have a good time? Newt did. Enough for a second date, definitely. Hermann likes movies. Maybe he wants to see one with Newt this weekend or something. Is that too soon? That’s probably too soon. He might weird Hermann out. Play it cool. Next week. “Isn’t this you?” Hermann says. He’s staring expectantly at Newt--they’re outside Newt’s apartment. God, how long have they been sitting there?

“Yes.” He scrambles to unbuckle himself. “Yeah, sorry.” He slams the car door behind himself when he gets out, and panics when he realizes he forgot to say goodnight to Hermann. Hermann’s already rolling down the car window when Newt turns around. He looks mildly amused, at least. “I had a lot of fun!” Newt says quickly, leaning in. “Uh. Thanks for the ride. Sorry about, you know. Everything.”

“You can always make it up to me,” Hermann says smoothly, “next time. Goodnight, Newton.”

“I can!” Newt beams at him and takes a step back. “Goodnight!”

“Don’t you get tired of talking about black holes every single day?” he says the follow Wednesday, trailing Hermann out of the planetarium. “I mean, you give the same lecture every single day.” Newt follows a routine and everything too, but at least he cycles between what creatures he’s feeding on any given day. Hermann’s whole spiel is practically word-for-word each time. Even down to the little pauses between topics.

“You seem to have no trouble finding new faults in it every single day,” Hermann says, doing his best to outwalk Newt. He’s a fast bastard, damn him, but it’s nice knowing that their dynamic hasn’t changed too much. “Feel free to stop attending if I’m boring you.”

“Oh, Hermann, I’ll never get tired of your pretty face.”

“Mm.” Hermann manages to make a hum sound sarcastic. “How long is your lunch break, exactly? I wouldn’t want to keep you from what I can only assume is very important work.”

“Long enough. Anyway, important question,” Newt does a half-jog until he’s standing in front of Hermann, and Hermann finally slows down, thank God, “dinner and movie this week? I’ll pay. And, here’s the real bonus, I might even be on time.”

“Tempting,” Hermann says, but smiles. “What movie?”

“I’d say the new Jurassic World, but Jeff Goldblum’s only in it for, like, a minute, so who gives a shit. But the Charles is doing a revival showing for Creature From the Black Lagoon,” Newt waggles his eyebrows, “in 3-D. Sounds pretty cool, huh?” Hermann makes a noncommittal noise. Newt claps his hands together. “Sweet! Friday at seven! I do actually have to get back to work, though, or I might get fired or something, the warning wasn’t super clear, I was distracted, so--”

Newt’s promise to be on time holds up, and he meets Hermann in the lobby of the theater a bit before seven, even, which is a great record for him. He waves at Hermann excitedly through the door, but when he gets to him, he’s not sure what to do. High-five? No, that’s weird, people don’t do that on dates. Handshake? Is it way too early for a kiss? He decides to go in for a hug, but he takes too long and Hermann turns at the last second to look at the concession stand and it turns into an awkward shoulder-pat. Just once, Newt would like to not look like a dumbass.

“There’s a cool place across the street we can go for dinner,” Newt says as they wait in line to buy tickets, “if you don’t mind eating late, anyway.”

They get good seats, but the 3D turns out to be a mistake almost immediately. “Shit,” Newt says, as he tries unsuccessfully to tuck his 3D glasses--the old, retro blue and red kind--behind his real glasses, and then just as unsuccessfully in front of them. “I kinda--forgot why I don’t see 3D movies.”

Hermann, somehow, has managed to balance the 3D pair perfectly with his little nerdy round librarian ones and is watching Newt struggle with a smug look on his face. “Would you like some help?” he says. “You’re making it out to be much more difficult than it should be.”

Newt scowls at him. “I got this, dude,” he says, but then the house lights dim and Newt doesn’t, actually, got this, and eventually just gives up and resigns himself to watching the movie with the weird red and blue lines going over the black and white. The plus side is that he can actually see the screen. And it’s not like he hasn’t seen it a million times before.

Besides: he has much more important things to think about, namely, how Hermann is shyly inching a hand across Newt’s armrest to tangle their fingers together, and how he doesn’t move it for the rest of the film.

He holds Newt’s hand on the way out of the theater, too, and when they cross the street to get to the cool little diner Newt’s recommended. He does, finally, drop it when Newt holds the door open for him, but Newt doesn’t lose his goofy smile, not even when they’re seated at a booth and given menus. “It’s certainly eclectic,” Hermann remarks as he takes the diner all in. His eyes linger over the massive pulp art posters on the wall, the neon lighting, the weird, gaudy sci-fi themed decor. “Very...colorful.”

“Wait,” Newt says, and quickly flips open his menu and shoves it at Hermann, “this is the real reason I wanted to take you here.”

Hermann glances over the page. “Are the hamburgers--”

“All named after planets!” Newt says, nearly bouncing in his seat. Hermann fixes him with an odd, soft look, that just serves to make Newt nervous. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I do,” he says, closing the menu delicately. “Thank you, Newton.”

“Since, you know, you’ve got a boner for black holes and space and everything--”

“Thank you, Newton,” Hermann says, a bit louder.

Hermann drives him home again, and Newt deliberately lingers in the car this time when they get to his apartment. He really wants invite Hermann inside. Is two dates too early for that? Newt hasn’t been on more than one date with someone in his entire life in his very limited dating experience, and--during his undergrad days--a good deal of those ended in one-night stands. He’s probably not the best authority on it. On the other hand, he’s known Hermann for almost a month, so it’s not like that’s totally rushing things. Newt’s gonna ask him.

“May I kiss you?” Hermann says suddenly, and Newt’s suggestive invite dies on his tongue. It’s--bizarrely polite, and professional, like he’s asking if Newt would like coffee or something, but it startles Newt anyway. He nods, and Hermann leans over and kisses him once, chastely. “Thank you,” he says primly, while Newt’s goofy smile returns. Newt’s not sure if Hermann means the date or the kiss or both, but frankly, he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t end up inviting Hermann inside, but he spends the rest of the night deliriously happy anyway.