#i put off writing this update because i didn't want to sound incredibly depressed and i know i probably do sound incredibly depressed

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 7/31/2022

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, mostly because I got myself all fired up to finish a little in love, and I tried, I really did. I made some progress on solidifying my outline and I wrote three entire chapters plus some additional dribs and drabs, but I also had trouble liking any of it, and I spent most of June being incredibly depressed. 

This happened two years ago when I just couldn’t bring myself to work on what eventually turned into What We Do with Our Hearts, (and ended up starting a little in love instead), and it’s not some huge mystery why this happened, it’s because my kids are home all the time. Writing for me, is a process that involves a lot of dissociation and being really deep in my own head, which is simply not compatible with the state of always keeping one ear open for one of the children trying to kill the other one, and who has had too much screens, and if it’s time for the seventeenth snack of the day, etc, etc. There was one week where both children went to camp, and it was amazing and I was able to think and do stuff, and feel human again and then it was over, and I went back to feeling like my head was stuffed with cotton and turpentine again.

Presumably, when they go back to school in a few weeks, I’ll feel better again, but it always feels so uncertain to be like this, like what if I’m just stupid now and will never make anything good ever again?

Anyway, in the meantime, as I’m sure you know, I have been working on the Tattoo Artist AU I started a few...years?...ago?? I had dusted it off this past winter and worked on it for a bit and then got stuck and subsequently distracted by something else at the time. Anyway, I had a whole outline for it, and some of my friends were excited about it, so I’ve been working on it, and it’s been...okay. It’s not my best writing for sure, but at least it’s something, and it feels a lot better than not writing.

Unfortunately, there’s probably gonna be a delay in updates, because I am going to be traveling for most of the next three weeks. If I can, I might do some writing on my phone, but it’s highly unlikely I’ll be posting anything. I was kinda hoping to finish Ch 8 before I left, but at this point, it’s not gonna happen. I also like to get at least a chapter ahead if I can, because sometimes I need to move a piece of information up or back a bit, and that leaves me some flexibility. 

I absolutely hate traveling: I get terrible travel anxiety, and in recent years, I’ve started getting carsick, and even more recently, I’ve started getting panic attacks when I have to drive on elevated highways or bridges. I don’t like not being in my house. I’m not really comfortable being around other people for long periods of time, because all social interactions are a performance for me. Even for trips I want to go on, breaking even emotionally is the absolute best I can hope for. All this is to say that the best I can hope for about the next few weeks is that at least they’ll be over soon, and I’ve been telling myself all summer that I had to get through August in order to get to October. 

Anyway, I expect to have wi-fi and such for the majority of the trip, but I won’t have my laptop with me, and if my overall online presence is spotty, that’s why.

Oh, I guess this is supposed to be an art update, too? Gosh it’s been forever. I haven’t been doing a whole lot, but I drew a sexy swimsuit Renji for my birthday and a comic about being a worm and made a nice banner for my fanfic and I’m honestly pretty pleased with all that.

PS: I know I usually do some over-the-top thing for Renji’s birthday, but school starts that week and am barely making it thru the day as it is these days, so I think I’m gonna take this year off from stunting. I mean, I’m sure I’ll do something, but I’m keeping it small for once.