#i shouldn't seek external validation for my identity but

[nekoning]

being such a strong believer of you can do whatever you want forever and yet still being paranoid that my identity or how my attraction works is "wrong"

[transqueerquestions]

A lot of people online have said that headcanoning gender non-conforming characters as trans is bad and shouldn't be done. And it makes me upset because I headcanon some gender non-conforming characters as trans and they're my emotional support headcanons. And gender non-conforming characters aren't the only kind I headcanon as trans anyway. Do you think it's okay to headcanon gender non-conforming characters as trans?

Sincerely,

A demigirl.

Tobi: Hey nonnie! I want to address a couple things in here so bear with me, but the long and short answer is you can headcanon pretty much anything you want, it’s your headcanon.

To add on, I want to address the concept of “people online have said that ____ is bad” first. Anyone can say anything online, and anyone can say anything in person. Just because some stranger on the internet says something is bad doesn’t automatically make it true, and this goes for pretty much everything. It’s always-always-important to at least take a look into who is saying something, why they might be saying it, and if it’s something you can reasonably believe yourself before taking another person’s opinion of something to heart. And this includes mine!

Secondly, I just want to quickly address the concept of gender nonconforming or GNC as it is not a gender identity but a form of expression. Being a form of expression doesn’t automatically indicate any gender identity, and both trans and cis individuals can and are gender non conforming in their expressions, so I don’t see any reason a character being GNC would prevent them from being perfectly fine to HC as trans. Gender nonconformity belongs to every gender.

Thirdly, while I can only assume the intention behind headcanoning a GNC character as trans, it seems to be rooted in an attempt to prevent people from seeing GNC expression meaning someone is automatically trans-which is true. Unfortunately, applying this thought process is actually perpetuating transphobia by enforcing the ideology that trans individuals have to express themselves a certain way. Claiming headcanoning GNC individuals as trans is “bad” is in the same breath both denying trans GNC individuals representation and encouraging the harsher gender roles and expression expectations on trans individuals in real life and in media representation.

Lastly, I wanted to add on to the first point by touching on the concept of seeking validation from others for something you want to continue doing but have heard is “bad”. While I can understand the desire-as I struggle personally with distrusting my own opinions without external validation-it’s not good for you in the long run. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the ask and I’m quite grateful to have an opportunity to talk on this subject and the specific one you’re mentioning too. However, I also want you to know it is entirely unnecessary to need “approval” for doing something that actively harms no one and benefits your own well-being.

With that being said-headcanons are for you, do with them what you will! No one can stop you!

Happy Pride Month! Please take a moment to tip your favorite queer creators - like me! ♥️